Ze Ultimate StarClan Interview *gasp*

This page contains a fanfiction written by Speckledkit and Featherlynx. This page contains the opinions of the original author(s), and is not patrolled for factual accuracy. Remember that this story is non-canon. It may contain false characters, plots, or locations. Responses, comments & other feedback should be made on the comments section below.

Featherlynx (now dead): Save me from this hairless fox!!!!!!.... Wait, where am I?

Random Voices (spooky sounding): You are dead! Welcome to the Dark Forest.

Featherlynx: NOOOOOOOOOO

Random Voices: Just kidding. You await your StarClan trial.

Featherlynx (growling): What kind of person DOES THAT?!!?!?!?!?!

Random Voices (trying to change the subject): Its nice round here, isn't it?

Featherlynx (looks over the dense mists surrounding her): I thought StarClan was a bit less... misty.

(A figure emerges from the fog, and nods its head at her)

Figure: Hello yung'un. Don't worry, StarClan is nice once all the mist clears up.

Featherlynx: Who are you?

Figure: I'm Purdy, yung'un. Don't worry, it'll all be alright.

Featherlynx: Aren't you that boring elder who tells boring stories?

Purdy: That's low.

Featherlynx: Hey, stop teasing me about my short legs!

Purdy: You've got short legs! You've got short legs!

(Featherlynx glares at Purdy. He stops, a sheepish expression on his face)

Purdy: Well, erhhmm, so uh... I was going to show you to your... audition,

Featherlynx: Audition?

Purdy: They said audition. Or trial. Or interview. Can't remember.

Featherlynx: I hope it's an audition! I've been working on my version of The Warrior Cats Theme Song! Wanna hear it?

Purdy: Maybe later yung'un. We've got to get you to your... audition/trial/interview.

(They walk together through the mists. Purdy tells Featherlynx a story about how he annoyed his Upwalkers dog and she ignored him. Finally they arrived at a sandy hollow. Featherlynx looks up to see five judges sitting by a machine. WELCOME FEATHERLYNX flashes above them.)

Judge 1: Hello Featherlynx. I am Moth Flight, the first medicine cat.

Featherlynx: Why do you have such a weird name? Shouldn't you be Mothflight, one word, not Moth then Flight?

Moth Flight: I VOTE WE CONDEMN HER TO THE DARK FOREST FOREVER AND EVER AND NEVER LET HER VISIT EVER!!!!!!!!!

Judge 2: You shouldn't be so rude to Moth Flight, Featherlynx. I think we have to take points away for that. Bluestar, will you do the honours?

Judge 4/Bluestar: Of course!

(Bluestar presses a button on the machine. A screen pops up, and 97 glows moss green)

Moth Flight: SHE SAID MY NAME WAS WEIRD AND YOU ONLY TOOK AWAY THREE POINTS?????!!!!!!!\

Judge 3: Yes Moth Flight. Please calm down.

(Moth Flight glares at Judge 3)

Moth Flight: I see how it is.

(Moth Flight stalks away, but manages to press Bluestar's button with her tail. The number changes to 1. Bluestar sighs and turns it back to 97)

Judge 2: I'm sorry you had to see that Featherlynx. Moth Flight sometimes gets like that. Don't take it personally.

Featherlynx: Did she say she was the first medicine cat?

Judge 3: Yes. Since she was the first medicine cat, she thinks she's better then everyone else, so anger counselling isn't really working, as she thinks she should be telling the counselors what to do, not the other way round. But enough about Moth Flight. We are here for your trial.

Featherlynx: So it's a trial? Purdy said it would be an audition!

Purdy (whispering): Don't bring me into this!

(Judges turn to stare at Purdy. He cowers)

Judge 2: You weren't supposed to tell her anything Purdy!

Bluestar: We may have to temporarily revoke your license for this!

Featherlynx: StarClan cats have licenses?

Judge 5: Yup! If a cat is naughty, we revoke their license, and they have to go live in the Dark Forest! Sometimes, if they are really really naughty, they have to live there forever! But normally it's only for a short while. If you do the naughtiest naughtiest naughtiest thing, you have to listen to Purdy's stories for a moon, or be Moth Flight's counselor!

Featherlynx: Why are you a kit?

Judge 5: Me?

Featherlynx: Yeah.

Judge 5: I'm no kit!

Featherlynx: You look two moons old. That's kit age.

Judge 5: I'm three moons old actually! And I'm a warrior!

Featherlynx: I seriously doubt that.

Judge 5: My name is Badgerfang! Whats unwarriorish about that?

Featherlynx (cocks her head at the black-and-white kit): What leader did you serve under?

Badgerfang: Brokenstar!

Featherlynx: Ooohhhhhh, you must be one of those kit warriors.

Badgerfang: How many times do I have to tell you? I'M NOT A KIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Featherlynx: Hmmmmm.... fine, I'll let it go. Kit.

Badgerfang: I VOTE SHE IS MADE MOTH FLIGHT'S COUNSELOR FOR A MOON!!!!!!!!

Judge 2 (trying hard to keep a straight face): Go to your den Badgerki- Sorry, Badgerfang.

(Badgerfang glares at Judge 2 but leaves)

Judge 3: You're pretty good at getting rid of judges, Featherlynx. But let us get on with this trial.

Featherlynx: Can it be an audition? PLLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE?

Bluestar: No.

Featherlynx: PLLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE?

Judge 2: No.

Featherlynx: PLLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE?

Judge 3: Eh, why not?

Judge 2: Is that wise Shadowstar?

Judge 3/Shadowstar: We'll find out. Probably not though.

Featherlynx: THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU

Shadowstar: Yeeaahhh, it was probably pretty dumb. Well, it's said. Ok, audition contestant, what is your name?

Featherlynx: You know already.

Shadowstar: Say it, or it's not an audition.

Featherlynx: It's Featherlynx.

Shadowstar: What's your Clan?

Featherlynx: ThunderClan.

Shadowstar: Position?

Featherlynx: Umm.....

Bluestar: I found her file Shadowstar! It says her position is... a queen!

(Shadowstar's eyes softened)

Shadowstar: So you had to leave kits behind? Or were you carrying them?

Featherlynx: I had my kits already. That stupid hairless fox killed me and two of them.

Shadowstar: What were your dead kits names?

Featherlynx: Pantherkit and Foxkit.

(Bluestar, ruffling through Featherlynx's file, exclaims)

Bluestar: Wow, Foxkit went to the Dark Forest!

Judge 2: That must be a mistake. Kits never go to the Dark Forest!

Shadowstar: That is correct. Bluestar, summon the kit.

Bluestar: Which one?

Shadowstar: The one we were talking about.

Bluestar: You mean Mosskit?

Shadowstar: We were not talking about Mosskit. I know you love your kit, but we were talking about Foxkit.

Bluestar: Oh. Lets talk about Mosskit.

(Bluestar fiddled with the button, and the 97 number was replaced by pictures of a pale grey and white she-kit with blue eyes and a pink nose)

Shadowstar: Yes, yes, Mosskit is cute, but please summon Foxkit.

Bluestar (rolls her eyes): Fine, fine, whatever.

(She presses the button and a tiny ginger tom-kit appears)

Featherlynx: Foxkit!

Foxkit: If you think I'm going to go 'Featherlynx' or 'Mother' you're wrong. I have no affection for you whatsoever.

Bluestar: See, he's super rude. We should have summoned Mosskit instead.

Foxkit: You calling me rude?

Judge 2: She is.

Foxkit: You guys are fox-hearts, mousebrains, dung-brains-

Judge 2: I've changed my mind, he deserves to be in the Dark Forest.

Shadowstar: I suppose. Bluestar, send him back.

Foxkit: -Soft-claws, mousehearts-

(Bluestar pushed the button, and Foxkit disappeared, to be replaced by a pale grey and white she-kit)

Judge 2: Why did you bring Mosskit here Bluestar?

Bluestar: I missed her. And anyway, we were missing a kit judge. She'll be more reasonable then Badgerfang.

Shadowstar: Fine, she can stay. Mosskit, join us.

Mosskit: Yay! I'm the most important one here!

Shadowstar: Cough cough.

Mosskit: Why are you fake coughing?

Shadowstar: You'll know when you're older.

Bluestar: Don't be so rude to her!

Judge 2: She'll never be older.

Featherlynx: Isn't this my audition?

Shadowstar: Oh yes, I forgot.

Bluestar: This is taking way to long. I promised I'd meet Oakheart.

Judge 2: I agree.

Shadowstar: Same. Let's just let her into StarClan.

Featherlynx: But I never got to sing my version of The Warrior Cats Theme Song!

Bluestar: Don't sing it.

Mosskit: Please sing it!

Bluestar: Yeah, please sing it!

Shadowstar: Don't do it.

Purdy: Uh, can I go?

Judge 2: No. Oh, and I vote you don't sing it.