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autumnbreeze*three

my world has gone up in flames

everything seems lost

things were once straight and orderly

but now it is criss-crossed

~

I wake up early today, at almost dawn. Walking straight up to the leader's den, I wait until he notices me before walking into the cozy den. "Shadestar?" I ask, almost inaudible.He still looks tired, and I don't want to greatly disturb him. But there's something that I need to do.

"Yes, Autumnbreeze?" He asks, yawning. I try not to stare as I take in his messy appearance. His fur is in tufts, and he needs a good wash.

"I' uh, was wondering if I could do my daily activities with Duskshimmer and Windrunner now, instead of Owlmoon, Skymist, Roseblossom, and Swanheart...?" I trail off, shrinking. I just realized how stupid my request sounded.

"Sure, Autumnbreeze." Shadestar says. "I'll tell Falconblossom so she can change your groupsss." And just like that, Shadestar falls asleep. Shaking my head, I walk out of the den, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. I climb back into my nest when I get back into the den, and just sit there, staring at the den ceiling as the other four as lost in their land of dreams.

What was happening to me? Why was I becoming like this - this insecure little cat? Why was I not who they wanted me to be when I've been good enough as me for all these countless moons? What happened to Owlmoon? What did I do; what did I say? Why has she become like this? But most of all... What's the point of living life? They're gone - I can tell that much, but now what's left for me

They soon wake up, at different times. Owlmoon woke up first, and I can feel her hazel eyes watching me from her nest. I meet her gaze, and it turns soft. She signals for me to come over, and I shake my head. I'm not going to go over to her, where I'm going to feel just plain miserable.

She looks at me questioningly, and I give her an apologetic smile in return. No need for her to know that she's the very cause of my thunder cloud right now. No need for her to know...

"Autumnbreeze?" Owlmoon is right beside. Freezing, I rake my mind for any sort of sound that she was coming towards me. Nothing... she was too quiet. "Autumnbreeze." She says, more seriously.

"What?" I say, groaning internally. I don't want her to ask if "I'm okay" and then start droning on and on about what she did with my other friends without me. I'm too sick of life to care anymore.

"Yeah?" I say, closing my eyes to save myself from her upsetting expression. I know it'll make me feel guilty. That's what has always happened. I seem to revolve around my friends, and not myself. I should change it. Because when they're gone, I'll be broken and all alone. I need to revolve around myself; I need to become strong again. Like how I was when I was with Snake, and Pipes.

"Autumnbreeze, I-" Owlmoon starts, but I cut her off with my tail. I open my eyes and stare into the depths of hers. She looks sorry, sympathetic, and just plain upset. She looks like something is consuming her from the inside out.

"Save it, Owlmoon." I say. "There's really no need. I'm okay." As I say okay, I shudder a bit, knowing how much of a lie it is. I think she knows too.

"But, Autumn!" She says, but I shake my head.

"It's alright, Owl. Just... leave it."

"Autumnbreeze." Owlmoon whispers the words like a realization. Like she discovered something. She stares at me for a bit before wrapping her tail around me. A trickle of warmth fills me, but as soon as she leaves, it just drains away. I feel like I live in a different world. I'm trapped there.

In the new world, I'm alone. I'm there, but no one cares. I'm all broken inside, but no one notices; no one cares. I'm a ghost in this new world. After all, I'm already gone...

I close my eyes as a single tear rolls down my cheek. I run into the dwelling where my memories reside, and I run into one, trying to relive my past, and the way things used to be.

~

i don't know who I am anymore

i feel like a wandering lost soul

but maybe I should be more like a rabbit:

when danger surfaces, just jump into a hole

~

Crying. That's what it is. I can hear the wails and the cries of agony, and I can see a light gray she-cat in the distance. She looks like someone I know, but someone I don't. Her backs is facing me, and I watch as the sobs rack her body. I want to go up to her - to help her - but I can't move. It's like my body is frozen into place.

"You can't help her." A breezy voice comes from behind me. I'm somehow able to turn, and I see a grayish-brown she-cat watching me, her deep golden eyes gazing at me lovingly. It's Fawn, my mother.

"Fawn?" I whisper. She nods her head before turning serious again.

"You can't help her now, Autumn. But you can help her in the future. Your destiny is intertwined with hers, and you can't change it.

I glance back at the cat, the shadows starting to cover her up. I turn back to Fawn, interest starting a spark within me. "Can you at least tell me her name?"

A white aura surrounds Fawn now, and I can see that she's starting to fade away. "Fawn!" I say, and I feel as if the crying cat is staring through me, seeing me for who I really am. Autumn, sister of Snake.

"What's her name?" I ask, the first question coming to my mind coming out of my mouth.

"Owl." She whispers, and the white aura swallows her, and she's gone. I'm left in the darkness.

"I'll help you Owl." I saw, to no cat in particular. "I'll help you get better, stronger. I'll be a friend to you. I'll help you later, like - like I'm unable to help you now."

And like that, I turn around and walk away from her.

-

"Autumnbreeze?" Owlmoon says softly.

"Owlmoon, just don't." I plead, my eyes threatening to fill. She stares at me, her hazel eyes gleaming with horror and emptiness. "Just please."

"Autumnbreeze." It's like my name is blown away by the wind, the way she says Iit. Everything is a mess. Just one big mess...

I'm pulled under again, just as I hear Owlmoon sigh unhappily.

-

I find myself standing in a meadow, and it's tall grasses surround me, blocking my vision. Looking around, I see dozens of wildflowers weaved between the grasses - poppies, tulips, daylilies... almost anything I could imagine, right there. But I know this place... it's the wildflower meadow, discovered by Owlmoon and I.

Owlmoon. We were so different back then. Young, naive, free... we were in our own little world, and I loved it. I loved them too; they were my family. Family that I would care for, live for, die for.

I wish things were how they used to be. Life isn't fair. Friendships shouldn't be broken. I wish-

"Autumn!" A voice screams from my left. I whirl around to see a dark she-cat limping towards me, her pelt covered with scratches, and dried blood. She doesn't usually look like this... what's happening?

"Piper!" I scream, sprinting towards her. She's running as fast as she can, but she can't get far in her state. I'm by her side in a flash, and I let her use me for support. She sighs with relief and closes her eyes. "Pipes, what happened?" I ask.

She opens her eyes immediately, and points behind me, terror filling her eyes. Slowly, I turn around, and I stare at the threat. I don't even know what it is. But I know that it will swallow us, and that we might not survive if we don't run.

"Pipes! Come on!" I start running away from the thing. It's swirling black, and it's coming toward us, faster than we can run. The grass is being swept away by it, and it seems to glow as it gets closer. It's like a swirling black void... the darkness has come to the light, and it's going to kill us. Is dying in a dream possible...? I'm not willing to find out.

As we run, a plan starts forming in my head. It'll put me in danger, but I know that it might actually save Piper's life. I would do anything for her. She's family. I love her. I stop abruptly, making sure Pipes stops too.

"Pipes, listen. When I tell you, veer off to the right, away from that thing." She nods her head, looking scared. "Find Owl or Snake. They'll take care of your wounds."

"But what about you?" She asks, her voice cracking. I can tell she's holding back tears. I shake my head sadly.

"I just might not make it." She hangs her head, and starts to whimper. "Oh, Pipes..." I wrap my tail around her. "I'll be fine." She takes a shaky breath, and nods her head. I turn to face the black thing... that swirling void. It's coming closer... closer...closer...

"Pipes! Run!" I scream, shoving Pipes in the designated direction. She starts limping away, and she gives me one last look before running into the distance.

I can feel the void coming closer; the wind fills my ears, making it impossible to think. I watch Pipes until I can't see her anymore, before I try to run in the same direction as her.

My plan was to "distract" the thing, and to let Pipe run away before running myself. But somehow, I can't move. It's too much to bear. The wind whistles in my ears, and I can feel myself being pulled by some sort of force. I dig my paws into the dirt to keep myself from getting sucked in. But it's no use.

I scream as I sail through the air, and the blackness engulfs me.

~

you are my family

i would do anything, just for you

but would you do the same

die for me, too?

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