we both found each other
we're together, as if by chance
but you've acting stranger
like you're in some sort of trance
I remember what things were once like. I've lived in the Clan all my life - my home hasn't changed. It's really me who has changed, inside. I'm not dependent on others, like I used to be. I'm just the type of cat I want to be. I have better friends - ones that I'm absolutely positive wouldn't turn their back on each other, and me. We're intertwined because of choices, and we stick up for one another. That's the way it should be.
But I know that everything only seems perfect on the surface of things. There's so many layers to everything here - myself included. There's so many things that even I don't know about myself. But I guess that's just how things are supposed to be. You discover the good in others, and other discover the good in you. No one is completely evil - there's a piece of good in everyone out there. That's what I believe in.
But I guess that sometimes, I wonder if there's something that's right in front of us - something right there, but we're unable to see; unable to pinpoint what it is. Because every cat I know seems to know what's there. They can't keep secrets from themselves. It's impossible, right?
"Skymist?" Owlmoon's voice breaks my train of thought, and I'm annoyed for a second. But it quickly disappears when I see Owlmoon's expression. Well, I guess that I've finally met a person who couldn't see something right in front of them. It's me. I just didn't realize that something has happened to Owlmoon.
She looks broken. Her fur is matted, like she didn't bother to wash it for days at a time. That's not like Owlmoon. Sure, she doesn't exactly wash her fur all that often, but she doesn't look like this. She doesn't look like she's cracked inside. She's usually the headstrong one; the one who taught us to be ourselves.
"Owlmoon..." I breathe, staring at her worriedly. She manages a small smile before sitting down beside me in the clearing. "What in the name of StarClan happened?" She shakes her head. "It's Autumnbreeze." I give her a questioning look.
"Autumnbreeze?" I ask. Autumnbreeze isn't the type of cat to do something that could turn Owlmoon into what she became. To be honest, I didn't think anyone could do that to someone like Owlmoon. "What happened?"
Her sad hazel eyes search mine quietly, before she speaks. "She's been acting strangely lately. She's sad. She's distancing herself from us. It's like she's carrying an invisible weight on herself."
"So what does this have to do with you?" I ask, wincing when I see her expression. Okay, so Owlmoon really is upset. I find myself holding back laughter, even though I know that there's nothing to laugh about. I can really see that it's killing Owlmoon right now. "Can you help me?" She whispers loudly. I wrap my tail around her as she buries her head into my shoulder. "Help, Skymist. Please..."
"Alright." I sigh. "I'll go talk to her." Making sure that Owlmoon is okay, I get up and search for Autumnbreeze, my gaze sweeping around the clearing until I find Autumnbreeze's familiar ginger pelt.
I study her before going up to her. She's talking to a cream tom - Windrunner, I think - and he's telling her a joke. I study the way both of them are at ease, just like that, and a wave of jealousy hits me, and I almost fall backward. It's never been like that before, for me. There's never been someone that I've been free with. I regain my composure, and I watch as Autumnbreeze lays down, a smile lighting up her face. Her eyes are literally sparkling. That's the Autumnbreeze I'd like to know now.
My gaze moves from Autumnbreeze to Windrunner. He's looking at her with a weird expression. I'm not going to admit what I think it is, but I can't help but giggle. I think that Autumnbreeze needs a slap in the head to see what's right in front of her. "What's so funny?" Owlmoon whispers, startling me.
"Whoa!" I say, falling over. Owlmoon helps me up, and I point to where Autumnbreeze is sitting. Owlmoon starts laughing, and when I look at her, I can see a bit of the old sparkle in her gaze. "Is that what I think it is?" She asks, the laughs taking over her uncontrollably. "Shhh!" I tell her, as I walk up to Autumnbreeze. She's laying down, her eyes closed like she's dreaming. She's not thrashing like she does some nights. When she whispers names. Snake. Pipes. And Owl. That's probably Owlmoon; I can tell that much. But who are Pipes and Snake? Owlmoon doesn't talk about her past, and I don't pry. Something must've happened.
Autumnbreeze looks like she's asleep, and Windrunner just sits there, trying to wake her up, but with no success. I smile at him and I glance at Autumnbreeze. "You should probably go. I'll wake her up... it might not be good for your health if you sit there." I wait until Windrunner retreats a few dozen feet away before crouching beside her.
"Autumnbreeze." I whisper into her ear. She opens her bright green eyes immedeatly, and yelps out loud. She tries to get up, but she ends up falling over. "Autumnbreeze." I say, choking on my laughter.
She looks bewildered. "Skymist! What is the name of StarClan were you doing?" She shakes her head, sorrow filling her expression. "I was dreaming." She says in a choked whisper, and I can see the tears start to well up.
"Autumn, Autumn." I wrap my tail around her, trying to soothe her. "Come on."
"It's not fair." She whispers unhappily. I stare at her. Maybe this could help Owlmoon. Maybe. "What isn't?" I ask her, searching her eyes. But they reveal nothing but unhappiness. She looks cracked too. How could I have not seen this?
"It's just, I-" she trails off, hanging her head. I help her up and start walking her towards the forest.
"How about we go for a walk, A?" I say. She finally nods her head, and sighing, she walks out of camp, and into the forest, by my side.
she looks so broken
and so utterly confused
she looks very unhappy
cracked, and mentally bruised
"Skymist?" Autumnbreeze asks after some time. I look up at her, amused. Her expression is that of confusion, and her bright green eyes look perplexed.
"Yeah?"I answer, holding back a laugh as Autumnbreeze gets whacked in the head with a branch that hangs low.
"What's the point of this?"she asks, rubbing her head. I smile and flick her ear playfully. "Owlmoon told me that you've been quieter these days." Autumnbreeze flinches when I mention Owlmoon, and a bunch of questions feel like they're about to burst out of my mouth. I force them down, hoping that my nervousness doesn't seem visible. "What's happening?" I ask her quietly.
"What do you mean?" she mutters, and we both know that she knows exactly what I mean. She seems to shrink a bit, and her tail droops as she hangs her head. We stroll through the woods - well, I strolling; she's sulking.
"Come on Autumnbreeze, you know what I mean." Autumnbreeze shakes her head sadly, and I can see the heat rushing to her cheeks - even though she's a ginger. I'm just able to see things like that - irrelevant. But for some reason, I'm unable to see important things right in front of me, such as the fact that my friends look like they're dying from the inside out.
"Skymist, don't. Please." I can see the tears starting to shimmer in her eyes.
I realize that we're at the river, and I hover over it, watching the smooth water reflect me. I see a light misty-blue she-cat with ice blue eyes. I look perfectly fine. Happy, even. Autumnbreeze pads to my side, and I look over at her.
Autumnbreeze looks ragged. Her eyes, usually sparkling, look dull. Her fur seems to hang off her frame, like she's stopped eating. Her fur is a mess, and she seems to be shaking, even though nothing's happening. "Autumn..." I whisper.
Autumnbreeze then sticks her paw forcefully into the river. Her reflection is fading away, being taken over by the water's ripples. "That's inside, Skymist. "She points to her heart with her tail, as I stare at her with horror. "That's what I've become." She signals to the river. "A nobody." Autumnbreeze turns to leave, but I jump in her way.
"Autumnbreeze." I say firmly. She tries to pass me, but I dart in front of her. "Don't you dare, Autumn." I say through clenched teeth. She huffs, but doesn't try to move. "Is that what you really think? That we don't care? That we're just not worried about you in the way that you're worried about us?" I say, anger filling me.
"Wait. Have you seen Owlmoon lately?" She nods solemnly. "She keeps talking about you all the time." I feel myself smile a little, even though it isn't a funny matter. This is serious.
"Have you actually taken a look at her?" I ask, and she shakes her head, looking guilty. "She looks like she's dying. She looks like she's running away from darkness like it's trying to swallow her up alive." Autumnbreeze just stares at me.
"She's worried about you, Autumn."I whisper. "She's dying from the inside out. Help her, Autumnbreeze. Revive her. Make her alive again." A single tear rolls down my cheek as I stare at Autumnbreeze. She looks shaken and upset.
"I'm sorry."she says, a ghost of a whisper. But I shake my head.
"It's Owlmoon, Autumn. Owlmoon."
We walk back to camp in silence, and I can't help but feel guilty when I glance at Autumnbreeze. She looks as if she's holding an invisible weight. She looks withered. She looks worse than before. And I think it's my fault.
"Skymist."Autumnbreeze says after some time. I look up at her, searching her gaze.
"What?" I ask, holding my breath.
"Help."she whispers softly. And she runs away.
i think i made things a lot worse
when i tried to help you both
i feel like there's evil all around me
and i'm forced to watch them gloat