Warriors Insanity Hour Ep. 4: The Furriest Heist Ever!

It is a sunny day in ThunderClan.

Firestar: Bye, Sandstorm! I'm going to the big leader meeting again!

Sandstorm: That's the third time this week! What do you even talk about?

Firestar: Guy stuff.

Sandstorm: You already used that excuse on me! At least have the respect to change it once in a while!

Firestar: Okay... girl stuff?

Sandstorm: That's more like it! *Kisses.*

Firestar: Okay, I need to go now. *Runs as fast as he can towards Fourtrees.*

• Meanwhile.

Tallstar: Got any fives?

Darkstar: Go fish.

Crookedstar: My specialty! *Dives in the water.*

Darkstar: *Facepaw.* I'm sick of that old fool. I need to borrow Firestar's red button.

Tallstar: B-but I thought I was the only old fool people wanted to kill! *Cries.*

Darkstar: Don't worry, don't worry, I'll kill you too. But I want to kill him first, okay?

Tallstar: *Sniff.* Okay.

• Firestar arrives at Fourtrees.

Firestar: Okay, what's the game? Blackjack? Five draw?

Darkstar: Try 'Go fish'.

Firestar: WHAT?! Why? What happened to our gambling station?

Darkstar: Some Twoleg guys that smelled like that liquid Twolegs occasionally drink came last night and took it.

Tallstar: I believe it's called 'alcohol'.

Firestar: That's right... How'd you know?

Tallstar: Lucky guess. *Has flask hidden between legs.*

Firestar: Well, I want it back!

Darkstar: Good luck with that. We'd need a team to break into that place.

Firestar: Well, I know four cats who could do the job.

Crookedstar: *Just getting out of the river.* I have The Expendables' numbers!

Firestar: OAF. I'M TALKING ABOUT US!

Darkstar: That's just absurd. We don't have the right stuff.

Firestar: I have four cool shades and an alibi.

Tallstar: Well, I'm in.

Crookedstar: Is there swimming?

Firestar: In fact, yes. The giant pool they have is the first part of the plan.

Crookedstar: *Gets swimming gear.* I'm in!

Darkstar: *Sighs.* I have nothing better to do.

Firestar: Great! Oh, and one more thing.

All: What?

• Firestar presses red button. Firestar: It's timed for five seconds.

All: WHAT?!

• Everyone jumps as an explosion happens behind them.
• Title screen comes up: Forest's 11 (Minus 7).

Firestar: Okay, we all have roles. I am the sexy, lady loving mastermind with a cigar.

Crookedstar: I'm the frogman!

Tallstar: I thought you were a cat...

Darkstar: I hate you beyond a feline's emotional capacity.

Crookedstar: No, no, a frogman is a Twoleg, or cat, that does cool recon missions and finds a fort's weaknesses from the captivating world of the water!

Tallstar: Oh, okay. In that case, I'll be the master of disguise!

Darkstar: Do you know what that even means?

Tallstar: I can carry a purse?

Firestar: I didn't know you walked THAT way, but okay. What about you, Darkstar?

Darkstar: I'll be the Steven Seagal.

Firestar: I don't think being a horrible actor will help us any.

Darkstar: No, it means I'll be the master of all combat!

Firestar: That's not even a thing! This is a covert operation!

Darkstar: The second you decided to do an operation, it instantly dropped the possibility of "covert".

Crookedstar: Yeah, remember when you tried to steal that ice cream truck from harmless Mr. Hopper?

Firestar: Hmmmmm... Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.

Darkstar: That's because you broke the truck's bell, you git! Now children from Chicago to Brazil won't be able to sleep at night knowing their favorite melodic diddy has been forever silenced.

Firestar: I think Brazilian children are more worried about Donald Trump becoming president than ice cream. And what's a git?

Darkstar: Idiot! It's what British people say when they want to call a person a half-wit.

Tallstar: British? You mean English?

Darkstar: They're the same thing!

Firestar: Aren't they the guys who lost the Civil War?

Darkstar: The Civil War took place in America, you uncultured swine!

Firestar: Pfffft, who cares? I'm a strong willed U.S. citizen. It's not like knowing stuff about England is actually helpful, nobody wants to go there anyway.

Everyone: ...

Firestar: What?

Crookedstar: You do realize we're English, right?

Firestar: WHAT?! HOW?!

Crookedstar: Not only is the author of this series English, the setting for our story was originally based in the forests of England.

Firestar: B-BUT I WIN MY WARS! AND HAVE DENTAL HYGIENE!

Darkstar: *Mumbles.* Racist.

Tallstar: Is it really important where you come from? Isn't the fact that, somewhere on a rock floating in space, the perfect conditions for the gift known as life to exist were met? Isn't our ingenuity and creativity enough for you? Are material possessions really that important for a species that is already more fortunate than they could ever dream?

Everyone: YES!!!!

Tallstar: Oh.

Darkstar: This is stupid. If we're so set on doing something, we should stop arguing about it and just do it. After all, there's not much to argue about. Crookedstar and Tallstar are senile old fools and Firestar is "that guy" in any story.

Firestar: I agree wholeheartedly. Also, if by "that guy" you mean the sexy beast, you would be correct.

Tallstar: Alright, it's settled. Operation Do The Thing To Make Stuff Happen is a go!

*Everyone begins to follow the scent of alcohol to their mysterious destination.*

Darkstar: Just to be clear, I get to name the next operation.

Firestar: I intended for this to be Operation Party Pooper.

Crookedstar: Speaking of poop...

Everyone: CROOKEDSTAR!

*The four arrive at the scene of Operation DTTTMSH.*

Tallstar: It's a casino!

Firestar: That's a bit melodramatic. I sort of hoped we would get involved in some big government cover-up or something, where their corruption would be discovered and their powers relinquished!

Darkstar: As much I like to discuss the possibility of anarchy, we have a job to do. Also, you're more corrupt than the government could dream to be.

Firestar: Oh yeah? What about the Soggy Calculator Transmission of 1959?

Darkstar: Come again?

Firestar: Nevermind...