Warriors Can Do Stuff Too!

(This takes place right after Firestar's Quest.)

Firestar: Finally home! I hope Leafstar is doing good. (Turns on TV)

TV: Hello! We just witnessed Marty the Magnificent jump 500 feet on a motorcycle! Humans are soooo talented! Stupid cats could never do any better!

Firestar: WHAT?! THE DISRESPECT! THE DISHONOR! WE'LL SHOW THOSE STUPID TWOLEGS!

(Later, after Firestar gets judges and his own show.)

Announcer: She-cats and Toms! Welcome to Cats Got Talent! With the four leaders of the clans! Firestar, Crookedstar, Tallstar and Blackstar! Let's begin! First runner up: Crowfeather!

Crowfeather: Hello Nightcloud!

Nightcloud: Do good, honey!

Crowfeather: And hello Breezepelt!

Breezepelt: Go to Dark Forest!

Crowfeather: What a joker! I love you too, son!

Breezepelt: (Muttering) Why you little... (Interrupted by Crowfeather)

Crowfeather: I'll be swallowing swords!

Firestar: But it's way too dangerous!

Crowfeather: Duh! But I'm a daredevil! (Swallows 8 swords)

Tallstar: Amazing! If he plays his cards right, he may get a perfect 10!

Crowfeather: See? I've got this under con... OWWW! MY LIVER! OOOOH, THAT'S MY PANCREAS!

Crookedstar: Holy stuff! Medics!

(Medics rush on the stage.)

Blackstar: Well, he's officially off.

Firestar: Ew, what's this? Oh. (Walks up to Crowfeather in the ambulance.) Here's your heart, I found it under the judge's table.

Crowfeather:(Stammering) Thank... You...

Tallstar: Well, that blew logs. Who's next?

Feathertail: Oh, me!

Firestar: And what will you do, Feathertail?

Feathertail: (Getting heavy mountain climbing gear on.) I'm going to be the first cat to climb Mt. Everest.

Tallstar:That's crazy!

Feathertail: See you when I'm famous, y'all! (Climbs into chopper, parachutes down to Mt. Everest.

Crookedstar: This might work...

Blackstar: (Snorts) Yeah, right.

Feather tail starts climbing. She climbs for hours, eats a frozen corpse, and makes it 1 inch to the top.

Feathertail: Before I become famous and win, I think I'll yodel.

Firestar:(In slow motion.) N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!

Feathertail yodels anyway.

Feathertail: YODELAYHEEHOOO! (Mountain of snow crushes her.)

Tallstar:0.0 ... She's disqualified, even though I would vote for her if the rules allowed it.

Crookedstar: NEXT!!

Scourge enters

Firestar: Scourge! I'll take you down again if I have to! (Jumps out of judge chair and beats scourge to a pulp.)

Scourge: Ooooooohhhhh. I feel really bad.

Tallstar: He was a contestant, Firestar!

Firestar: I know. I hate his guts, though.

Darkstar: I hate him as well.

Tallstar: You hate everyone.

Darkstar: Hey! I have feelings too!

Scourge: BE QUIET!

Firestar: Dang! You have some pipes!

Scourge: Yeah, that's why I'm singing In The End.

Firestar: Great! I love Linkin' Park!

Scourge: Ahem... ( In the highest and worst voice ever.) I TRIED SO HARD, AND GOT SO FAR...

Firestar: UNACCEPTABLE! (Presses button. Scourge falls through a trapdoor.)

Scourge: There are spikes down here! What is this, Mortal Kombat?!

Firestar: Good idea(Puts on Scorpion mask. Shoots hand spear at Blackstar.)! Get over here!

Crookedstar: Hello? 911? Yes, I've got a leader gone bad. You'll be right there? Great(Hangs up phone.).

Tallstar: Don't worry, Firestar. The white men are going to take you to the happy hospital!

Orderlies come in.

Firestar: Stay back!

Orderly 1: Don't make me taze you, cat.

Firestar attacks and kills the orderlies, and flees the seen. Then, the next day...

Anchorman: The homocidal cat is still at large. Back to you, Carry.

Darkstar: That sucked.

Crookedstar: Agreed.

Tallstar: It was never meant to be. Cats shouldn't impersonate humans.

AND NOW YOU KNOW.

FIN