WARRIOR CATS SPOOFS! COMMERCIALS!
TheWarriorTraitor: HELLO MY DEAR AUDIENCE! -points at the camera with his single white paw- Welcome to my second Warriors Spoof! As you all know, my first Warriors Spoof is If Leafpool Were Leader! Please read it! Anyways, for today's spoof, we will be looking at the many Commercials from every clan in the forest! Not including my OC rogue group The Outcasts, of course. Now, TO THE COMMERCIALS!
Commercial 1: Five Nights at Firestar's
Sandstorm (in a very robotic voice): Oh no. My kits. They want to go to. A restaurant. But normal warrior restaurants are not kit friendly. Oh. Where shall I go?
Leafpool and Squirrelflight: THIS IS SO *beep*ing embarrassing!
Tallstar: Never fear! Five Nights at Firestar's are here! We are a pizza place with lots of fun and friendly animatronics in it!
(a kit runs screaming out of the restaurant with multiple wounds on it while the Firestar animatronic stares at it through the window )
Tallstar: Oh! And did I mention they are KIT FRIENDLY?\
(a worker dumps the mauled dead body of Snowkit outside)
Tallstar: ( eye twitches ) Hehehe... Well, run along now Leafpoolkit and Squirrelflightkit!
Leafpool and Squirrelflight: O_O No.
Tallstar: Aah, that's the willing spirit! (shoves them into the restaurant) Come to Five Nights at Firestar's now!
(a few moments later, Leafpool runs out of the restaurant screaming with a half-dead Squirrelflight on her back)
Sandstorm: MY BABIES! (runs after them)
Tallstar: TURN OFF THE CAMERA!
(end of advertisement)
TheWarriorTraitor: Well... that was an INTERESTING advert... Next up!
Commercial 2: The BEST Dirtplace!
Daisy: HEWO PEEPS! WELCOME TO DAISY'S BEST DIRTPLACE! Daisy's Best Dirtplace is a company that buys up plots all over the Warriors world and turns them into clean and hygienic public Dirtplaces!
(camera pans to a huge plot of hardened dirt that is impossible to dig. There are stinking piles of dirt everywhere and dogs are wandering around the mountains. Multiple kidnapped Kittypets and rouges are trying to clean up the smelly mess)
Daisy: As you can see, we have many security guards and... uh... unpaid janitors helping out at our very clean Dirtplace!
Tallstar: (walk past the filming area) WHAT IS THIS? WHY DO YOU HAVE SLAVES HERE?
(Two dogs run forward and drag Tallstar away)
Daisy: Come to Daisy's Best Dirtplace now!
(end of advert)
TheWarriorTraitor: Well that was disturbing. What other commercials do you want me to advertise? Comment down below!
Commercial 3: The Book of Ultimate Warriors Duolingo
Mudclaw: Are you tired of having to teach your kits how to talk from the moment they are born? Do you wish that it could be done under five minutes? Well, then my dear warrior friends! Your dreams are about to become reality with the Book of Ultimate Warriors Duolingo! Let's take a look at it in action!
(camera begins playing a clip from when Mudclaw was a kit)
Shrewclaw: Ok, Mud'kit. Say your name.
Shrewclaw: No. M-uh-d K-ee-t. Mud'kit.
Mud'kit: MAD'KEET! :-)
Shrewclaw: GUH! ITS NO USE.
Ryestalk: Honey, try this.
(Ryestalk is seen giving Mudkit a large green book with an owl on it)
Mudkit: Buk fo Madkeet!
(The green owl from the book suddenly changes to an angry green owl with a bloodied knife in its hand)
Green Owl (aka Duolingo): YOU DIDN'T DO YOUR ENGLISH LESSONS!
Mudkit: AAAAAAAAAAAH! IT IS A BIG SCARY OWL! AAAAAAAAAAAAH! I AM SUDDENLY ABLE TO SPEAK PROPERLY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHAAAAAAAAAAAAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Duolingo: CONGRATS! YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL TWO!
(Mudkit promptly faints)
(camera pans back to the grown-up Mudclaw, who is holding a large green book)
Mudclaw: BUY THE BOOK OF ULTIMATE WARRIORS DUOLINGO NOW! Only two pieces of prey!
Plus ten more pieces for shipping and twenty more pieces for handling. No refunds. No bargains. We are not responsible for the safety of any kits that use this product.
(End of Commercial)
TheWarriorTraitor: AND THAT, DEAR VIEWERS, IS WHY WE ALWAYS PAY ATTENTION TO THE SMALL PRINT!
Commercial 4: The Twoleg
Tigerstar: Are you bored to death? Do you wish you had someone to play with so you can be a kit without being a kit? Not to worry, because the DarkForestWeb has got you covered with your very own Twoleg!
(camera pans to a group of Bloodclan cats balancing on top of each other. They have been glued together and are wearing a trench coat. They are all tied to the same chair and are looking at the camera murderously.)
Tigerstar: Here is a demonstration of the- I mean, him, in action!
(a group of workers unties the "Twoleg" and throws kits at them before running into a safety bunker with Tigerstar. The camera records the kits being brutally mauled by the huge stack of Bloodclan cats.)
Tigerstar: Hehe... Isn't that fun! Buy the Twoleg now! Only two campfires. It's cold in the Dark Forest. Call the number 666-TIGERSTAR to buy now!
(end of advert)
TheWarriorTraitor: And that, kids, is why good warriors never buy things off the DarkForestWeb.
And now, for a Short Commercial Break.
Hi everyone! TheWarriorTraitor666 here! So, I wanted some new ideas for my Spoof, so I need some help. So, I might let someone help me with this SPOOF and do some edits. Whoever wants to apply for the job of my HELPER SPOOFEH, please ask me nicely in the comments or my talk page. I will respond to the selected person's talk page.
Commercial 5: Starclan Security! Now Hiring!
Bluestar: HEWO MORTAL CATUS! Bluestar here! Would you like a job where you can fight cats, scare them, and be immortal? Well then, join Starclan Security! Let's see what other cats think about us!
Firestar: (enters camera) Hey there! I have experienced Stewclam Sacawitee before, I joined dem fortly afta!
Bluestar: Ehehehehe... Please ignore my assistant here, he is an idiot.
Firestar: Fank Yoo
Bluestar: ANYWAYS, let's look at a clip of us in action!
(a clip from the battle with the dark forest begins to play. The Statrclan cats jump into battle and fight with the Dark Forest cats. In the background, a few cats can barely be made out. They are controlling the fighting cats with remotes.)
Bluestar: See! We TOTALLY risk our lives for this! Ehehehehe...
Leafpool: JOIN STARCLAN SECURITY TODAY! ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS DIE PAINFULLY! WE DO NOT ACCEPT PEOPLE WITH CRIMINAL RECORDS!
(end of commercial)
TheWarriorTraitor: ... I have no words.
The Prey Stand
MistyStar: HEWO CATUS! WELCOME TO OUR PREY STAND! WE SELL PREY! EAT NOW! OR ELSE!
BrambleStar: ... ok? So can I buy a prey piece now?
BrambleStar: So... I want to buy this. -points to a fish- It smells like mouse. I will eat it with Squirrelflight!
MistyStar: OKIE! TWO HERBS PLEZ!
Bramblestar: -gives herbs- Yum! Fish-Mouse! -Teleports Squirrelflight over- EAT THIS
Squirrelflight: um... ok?
(both are seen eating the fish)
MistyStar: U liek?
BrambleStar: It tASTES LIKE FISH! IT IS FISH! KILL THEM! -attacks camera-
Squirrelflight: -Mauls MistyStar-
MistyStar: GAAAH! TURN IT OFF!
TheWarriorTraitor: DONT EAT FROM RIVERCLAM PREY STALLS. THEY ARE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED.