Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian recommends the Qur'an.
I hear stories about a new kind of toilet paper being sold.
There's a drawing of the prophet Mohammed on it and you get to colour him in!
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
I'm not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers.
When Muslim parents have to use the, "Open wide, here comes the airplane!" technique, do they just smash it in their face and make explosive noises?
So the world's tallest building has been opened in Dubai, with the world's highest Mosque within it.
Anyone here a pilot?
There's an old saying: An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
But nowadays most doctors seem to be Muslim so I find that bacon is far more effective.
Police are warning people to be on the lookout for Muslim suicide bombers over Christmas who are set to launch a wave of terror with a new 'Alphabet Bomb'.
If one of those fuckers goes off, it could spell disaster.
I bought a teddy bear for ten quid, just sold it on ebay for twenty. Now I've got the fucking Sudanese Muslims after me for making a prophet out of a teddy.
Muslim women have a new social networking site
Imagine how much fun women in burkas have tagging each other on Facebook.
"Americans insist Osama's burial at sea is a Muslim tradition."
5 Minutes later.
"Americans admit to confusing Muslims with Vikings"
I just applied for planning permission for a new-build house. It was going to be 100ft tall and 400ft wide with nine turrets at various heights and windows all over the place. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green.
The council told me to fuck off.
So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque.
Building work starts on Monday.
I opened a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
BBC Headline: 'Muslims in the UK are revolting'
I agree, I think all Muslims are fucking revolting.
In my spare time I like to lock Muslims in my shed with a bacon sandwich and see how long it takes for the hunger to override their allegiance to Allah.
Just a thought
Do Muslims write OMA instead of OMG?
A Muslim suicide bomber recruited by Al-Qaeda blew himself up, killing hundreds including himself.
Sure enough, he ascended to heaven and as promised by God, he received a bounty of 72 virgins.
Trouble is, they were all busy playing World of Warcraft...
A Muslim in our street has doused himself in petrol, set fire to himself and burnt to death.
We're having a collection for his family.
So far, we've got 80 litres!
My Muslim friend was saying he was sick of stereotypes about his religion.
At least, I think that's what he said; it's hard to lip-read through the visor of my bomb-proof suit.
How come Muslims can mastermind the 9/11 attacks, but when it comes to running a take-away they always fuck up my order?
Never die a virgin, when you get to heaven they make you fuck a suicide bomber...
My new Muslim Girlfriend keeps talking about a blow-job.
I don’t know whether to get my cock out or to warn London transport..........
Muslim women wear veils to stop men looking at them in a sexual way.
Well the joke's on them, I have a ghost fetish.
I pissed myself in Harrods, when a Muslim kid ran up to some black curtains, grabbed them and shouted,