Or: i ( Damselfly The HiveWing) try to make a coherent fanfic/crackfic. inspired by the epic Starrystar's Prophecy by I Am Awesome999999 Link to the fic:Starrystar's Prophecy




A tall ash gray tom who always speaks in all caps

Deputy: Fluffhead

A cream tabby with an unhealthy amount of fur on her head, to the point where she is very top heavy. an extreme idiot.

Apprentice: Facepalmpaw

A Fawn coloured tabby tom whose paw seems to be glued to his face due to him constantly facepalming about his mentors stupidity.

Medicine cat: Snowclaw

A somewhat sane snow white she with long white claws



A dark gray tabby she who screams so fast you barely realise she screamed


A short ginger tom with one very short leg


a mindblowingly stupid black tom who can barely fight an ant.


a dark dark ginger she who will murder you in your sleep just to see you bleed. has a unhealthy obession with blood.

Apprentice: Violencepaw

A black tabby with dark ginger spots on his back that look like blood. very violent, hates everyone.


a sane tom.


a light brown tom who rolls in mud


a tortoiseshell she with ants for whiskers.


a white she with vine like gray stripes on her pelt who is always moping about the death of vine.


a tom who blows up lizards and eats only lizards

Queens and kits


A skinny golden tabby who is an epic fangirl. mother of Lizardboom's kits Nerdkit and Iquanakit

Nerdkit: A golden tom with a white muzzle

Iguanakit: a light grey she with a thin pelt


a long furred calico she who is the mother of Shortleg's kits Gluekit, Applekit and Limpkit

Gluekit: a white she kit who worships super glue

Applekit:a short ginger and white tom who bakes applesauce muffins everyday

Limpkit: a small ginger tom who walks with a limp despite having perfectly normal and healthy legs.



an old brown she who complains about everything.


an overly cheerful creamy she who ignores Complainingvoice.






Leader: Copyrightstrikestar

A power hungry and greedy black tom who wants to rule the world

Deputy: Peacewatcher

A loyal and overworked blue-gray tom who tries to keep Copyrightstrikestar from taking over the world

Medicine cat: Tweeteater

Peacewatchers sister who is also a blue-gray cat. likes to eat noisy birds

Med Cat Apprentice: Twitchypaw

A Tall tortoiseshell she who is always twitching.



a she cat who is obsessed with everything


A cautious and suspiscous tom who always wears a black coat.

Apprentice: Suspaw

a dark ginger tabby tom who always acts very sus


A light tabby tom who always eats random herbs he finds in the woods and is usually in the medicine den puking or eating the herbs.


a very social she cat who gets sad when she is alone.

Apprentice: Gladpaw

an eternally happy bright yellow she cat


A lazy white tom with claws literally made of clouds.

Queens and Kits


A dark grey queen with wire like blue stripes on her pelt. Mother of Spysteps kit Amongkit


A dark grey tom who doesnt like Suspaw



An eternally bored tom who is very lazy


A very quiet she cat who speaks only in quiet song


An ash gray tom who can breath out smog






Leader: Gloomystar

A black she with dark yellow eyes who is very gloomy

Deputy: Blankstare

An ash gray she who's only facial expression is a blank stare. currently a queen in the nursery

Medicine cat: Sorrowsight

An ash gray she cat who can see the future, but only the sad parts of the future.

Medicine cat apprentice: Shreddedpaw

A dark grey she with black stripes on her pelt and a slightly shredded tail due to her brother Tornpaw.



A dark gray tom with a blue gray muzzle



An ash grey tom who is always tearing something to shreds.


A black tabby tom who is always sighing


A grey she who is always mourning something. goes to all the funerals of every clan.

Apprentice: Injuredpaw

A black she with an injured paw that is dark gray.


An emotionless she cat.

Apprentice: Mauledpaw

An ash gray tom whose ear was mauled by his brother Tornpaw.


A black sadistic she who is the mother of Injuredpaw Mauledpaw Tornpaw and Shreddedpaw.

Queens and kits:

Blankstare: the deputy of Emoclan. currently nursing Greatsigh's kits Angrykit and Mournfulkit. she is always trying to keep Angrykit from beating up Mournfulkit

Angrykit: A black tabby tom with anger issues who enjoys trying to beat up his brother.

Mournfulkit: an ash gray tom who is always thinking about deep things like the meaning of life.

Lonelywail: a lonely light grey she who is nursing Sadface's kits Miserykit Wailingkit and Sweaterpaw. her kits are too young to have personalitys.

Miserykit: a light grey she with a blue gray muzzle.

Wailingkit: a dark grey tom with a slightly lighter muzzle

Sweaterkit: a dark grey tom who looks like hes wearing a sweater.



a black she cat who is so old she is blind.


A tiny short and elderly gray she cat who is always crying.






(( NOTE: all Emoclan cats are black or grey, how ever they can have small amounts of a light Blue-gray somewhere on their body, like Sadface and Miserykit))


Leader: Perfectionstar

A lavender tabby she with no personality who is insanely hot.

Deputy: Hotnesspelt

A crimson and black tom who makes all the she cats in a 5 mile radius scream drool faint or squeal\

Medicinecat: Echoruby

A sweet dark ginger she who is slightly less perfect then the other cats of her clan

Apprentice: Pegasuspaw:

A silver and white long haired she with wings



A golden she with white stripes on her pelt


A rose tabby she cat who is absolutely gorgeous


A she with an eyescorchingly bright blue pelt and a rainbow unicorn horn


a flawless white she with patches of pink purple and gold on her pelt


an extremely lucky green tom who looks like he is made of grass


A very quiet tom who has a jade pelt


A noble and selfless silver tom with bright green eyes


A rainbow coloured she who is way too energetic

Apprentice: Neonpaw

a Neon yellow tom who cannot be looked at directly by anyone except for a Mary sue or a Gary stu


A tom with stunning royal blue eyes

Apprentice: Rosebudpaw

A pink tinted cream she with roses growing out of her pelt


Scourge's daughter who looks exactly like Scourge except she has a seafoam green left eye and her collar is fuscia pink.

Queens and kits

Pearlshimmer: a beautiful pink she cat with shimmering fur. Mother to Blueye's kits Musclekit Garnetkit Topazkit and Opalkit

Musclekit: a Blue-gray tom with the largest muscles in the world

Garnetkit: a pretty scarlet she kit with a pelt that shines like gold

Topazkit: A golden-yellow pelted she kit with enormous and stunning orange eyes

Opalkit: A light pink she kit whose fur changes colour in the light.


Prettypelt: a sweet old she with a faded ebony black pelt

Fableteller: a gentle old tom who loves to tell stories

Dawnbringer: An elegant she with a peach coloured pelt






Leader: Banannastar

A young cream coloured tom who wants every clan to love smoothies

Deputy: Strawberryseed

a impatient calico she who tries to make sure the cats Banannastar kidnappes to force to drink smoothies are returned to their clans.

Medicine cat: Pineappletail

A chill and relaxed tom



A white tom with short soft fur


A light ginger tabby she who smells like citrus and often has her niece Citruskit trying to smell her or steal her fur


A white and silver long furred she

Apprentice: Berrypaw

A dark blue- black she


A silver tom with long sharp gray claws


A light blue gray she with a white belly, Berrypaw's sister


a light brown tom with a long tail that is bent at the end


A gray tom with a long face and a small nose

Queens and kits

Tropicalmix: a tortoiseshell she who is the mother to Milksplash's kits Citruskit and Mangokit and the sister of Orangepeel.

Citruskit: a calico she who adores anything made of or smelling like citrus. frequently stalks her aunt Orangepeel

Mangokit: a laid back tortoiseshell she who is rather lazy

Applejuice: a ginger she. the mother to Blenderclaw's kits Lemonkit Pomegranatekit and Spinachkit

Lemonkit: a golden she with long white claws

Pomegranatekit: A ginger she with gray eyes and silver claws

Spinachkit: a silver kit with long claws whose pelt is often grass stained as he enjoys rolling in fresh grass.



A crazy white and brown she who enjoys telling weird stories


an old tom who used to be a rogue whose tongue was cut out when he insulted the previous leader Grapefruitstar's favorite smoothie. hates everyone.




Rogues and kittypets


Tongueless's sister who wants to murder Smoothieclan for liking Smoothies and eating fruit and for Cutting out her brothers tongue and imprisoning him in the elder den.

Sweetie pie

A pampered Persian kittypet who hates her name and wants everyone to call her Candy instead


a member of Emoclan who was exiled for flirting at a Smoothieclan she named Applejuice.

Bill Nye

a tom who belongs to a scienctist and is named after Bill Nye the science guy.wacky.


A golden and white she cat.


a dark ginger pelted she cat who loves to look outside


a pinkish she cat with white tabby stripes.


A tall German shepard who somehow doesnt have hip issues. Also, he is a guy.

All the characters are done. now on with the story!

Chapter 1: Deputys sorta do stuff

One weird day in ARRGHHHHClan the deputy Fluffhead was being stupid and ignoring her apprentice Facepalmpaw's repeated facepalms.

This was normal because Fluffhead has 0 braincells and an iq of 0. The only cat as stupid as Fluffhead was Stupidstrike. This was why ALLCAPSSTAR had decreed that Stupidstrike and Fluffhead could not have kits together because the kits would be too stupid. While i typed these words Fluffhead had walked into a tree without realising it. See? Stupid. Anyways how about we Go to DmcaClan and see whats going on there?


Meanwhile in Dmcaclan..

" I WILL TAKE OVER THE WHOLE WORLD WITH TAKE DOWN REQUESTS!" screamed Copyrightstrikestar, the leader of Dmcaclan. " How about no" said Peacewatcher his deputy, taking him to the medicine den to ask Tweeteater, the medicine cat or Twitchypaw her apprentice to gibe Copyrightstrikestar some poppyseeds to put him to sleep. Tweeteater was collecting herbs and Twitchypaw could not get the seeds in the leaders mouth so they just knocked out Copyrightstrikestar instead.

Every cat in a 30 mile radius was questioning Copyrightstrikestar's sanity. and so were some two legs too.

In Marysuegarystuclan the leader, Perfectionstar snorted perfectly. " That Copyrightstrikestar has less sanity in his body then i have personality" she laughed

Her deputy Hotnesspelt just nodded as he drooled watching Flawlessheart sunbathe with her best friend Diamondsun.

In Emoclan the dark and gloomy land of the emos the deputy Blankstare and the other queen who was in the nursery, Lonelywail were watching their kits play while talking about Copyrightstrikestar's sanity " Copyrightstrikestar is clearly insane but his insanity will allow us to take some Dmcaclan territory" said Blankstare with a blank stare on her face as she spoke " w-well if he is insane he could do some nn not good stuff" Lonelywail said quietly

Blankstare ignored her.

" Speaking of Insane leaders.." said Lonelywail

In Smoothieclan The deputy Strawberryseed was trying to explain to Banannastar why he couldnt kidnapp cats from other clans and force them to drink smoothies " But the other clans must know the yumminess of smoothies!' exclaimed Banannastar passionately.

Strawberryseed sighed and gave up

Chapter 2: a weird battle scene

In Emoclan, everyone was relaxing and chilling as much as they could in their dreary black and white camp when suddenly...... MARYSUEGARYSTUCLAN ATTACKED! The warrior's and Gloomystar quickly ran to go meet them in battle " YOU WILL NEVER WIN EMOCLAN!" Laughed the Marysuegarystuclan deputy Hotnesspelt. As he said this multiple Emoclan she cats fainted or started swooning at the sight of Hotnesspelt because he was well... hot. INSANELY HOT.

Gloomystar scowled. Then she remembered what her predcessor Grumpystar had told her " Marysuegarystuclan is weak to common sense". She took in a deep breath and flung away the tom with a jade pelt who had been attacking her. he flew into the deputy and knocked him over. " MARYSUEGARYSTUCLAN IS WEAK TO COMMON SENSE!" she yelled as loudly as she could before being tackled by a silver cat.

All around Emoclan warriors started screamin common sense at their attackers. " YOU CANT HAVE A BLUE PELT" Tornpaw shouted at Unicornhorn. she gasoed and started writhing on the ground in agony. Sadisticsoul screamed " YOUR PELT CANT BE RAINBOW!" at Rainbowparty who did the same thing. "YOU CANT HAVE PURPLE AND PINK ON YOUR PELT!" Sadface yelled at Flawlessheart. The deputy, Blankstare walked out of the nursery and yelled at Hotnesspelt " IT MAKES NO SENSE FOR YOU TO MAKE SHE CATS FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU WITH OUT EVEN SEEING YOU" and Greatsigh said " You cant *sigh* have a perfect *sigh* personality with no *sigh* flaws" to Noblesoul. Mauledpaw told Jadepaw he couldnt have a pelt made of actual jade it made no sense.

" MARYSUEGARYSTUCLAN ATTACKING PATROL, RETREAT BACK TO CAMP!" Shouted Hotnesspelt. The Warriors all ran away with out looking back. all the Emoclan cats sighed in relief and then fell over in exhaustion. They decided not to move again for a while.

Chapter 3: Some new warriors and a gathering.

In Marysuegarystuclan, the leader Perfectionstar was calling a clan meeting. " May all cats old enough to know perfection gather here beneath the Beautystone to hear my words!". Cats poured into the clearing below, excited to hear what their leader had to say.

" In todays attack against Emoclan two young apprentices took part. while the battle was a loss for us these two young apprentices showed their valor and that, combined with the fact that they have come of age is what prompts me to make them warriors." The cats shuffled around, muttering to themselves. Beautypaw and Jadepaw straightened up.

" Jadepaw, step forwards" Jadepaw bounded out from the crowd, brimming with anticipation Perfectionstarspoke again " I, Perfectionstar, leader of Marysuegarystuclan, call upon our warrior ancestors in Outerspaceclan to look down and see this apprentice. they have trained hard in the ways of our clan and the code and are ready to become a warrior.' she paused for a moment and then spoke again.

" Jadepaw, do you promise to uphold the Code of being nice and to protect and defend your clan EVEN with your life?" she asked

" Yes i do" he replied, brimming with excitement

" Then by the powers of Outerspaceclan i give you your warrior name. from this day forwards you will be known as Jadedragon. We welcome you as a warrior of Marysuegarystuclan".

" Jadedragon! Jadedragon! Jadedragon!" cheered the clan.

Perfectionstar waited for the ruckus to die down before speaking again. " Beautypaw, step fowards." Beautypaw walked forwards, tail quivering in excitement.

" I, Perfectionstar, leader of Marysuegarystuclan, call upon our warrior ancestors in Outerspaceclan to look down and see this apprentice. they have trained hard in the ways of our clan and the code and are ready to become a warrior.' she paused for a moment and then spoke again.

"Beautypaw do you promise to uphold the code of being nice and to protect and defend your clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"I do" Beautypaw replied

" Then by the powers of Outerspaceclan i give you your warrior name. from this day forwards you will be known as Beautysoul. We welcome you as a warrior of Marysuegarystuclan".

"Beautysoul! Beautysoul! Beautysoul!" the clan chanted.

Meanwhile, in Smoothieclan..........

Banannastar lept onto the tall rock and summoned his clan " Let all cats old enough to leave the camp gather here beneath the tall rock and hear what i have to say!" cats gathered around the rock, there was a bit of whispering but it faded fast. " Tonight is the gathering!" announced Banannastar " and i will be taking these cats with me: Strawberryseed,Pineappletail,Blenderclaw and Blueberrypaw, Milksplash Yogurtplop Orangepeel and Coconutshell!"

In Dmcaclan, Copyrightstrikestar was also announcing who would go to the gathering: Peacewatcher,Tweeteater and Twitchypaw, Socialbird and Gladpaw, Quietsong, Smogcough Cloudclaw and Herbeater.

When ARRRGGHHCLAN arrrived at Fivecliffs, led by ALLCAPSSTAR there was already a lot going on. Gloomystar was ignoring Banannastar trying to spoonfeed her a berry mix smoothie while Copyrightstrikestar insulted Perfectionstar while she beat him up with a wallaby. How did she get a wallaby? i really dont know and i dont think i want to know either.

After a few hours everyone settled down and after suffering a few broken bones trying to get on top of the cliff representing ARRGGHHHHClan, ALLCAPSSTAR was ready to share his news. "PREY HAS BEEN RUNNING WELL IN ARRRGGGHHHHCLAN" he yelled " AND WE ALSO HAVE TWO NEW KITS NERDKIT AND IGUANAKIT, CHILDREN OF LIZARDBOOM AND EPICSQUEAL". Then it was Copyrightstrikestar's turn " We have had a lot of prey and my plans to take over the world is going nicely" everyone facepalmed at the take over the world bit. But Copyrightstrikestar had no other news to report so it was Gloomystar's turn. " Cats of all clans, hunting has been going quite well in Emoclan. we also have three new kits, Miserykit,Wailingkit and Sweaterkit" she said gloomily " Sweaterkit? Thats a STUPID NAME" said Stupidstrike, not realising his name was also stupid.

Facepalmpaw facepalmed at this. he had a LOT of practice facepalming. Sadface, who was also there got defensive. " DONT YOU DARE INSULT MY KITS FABULOUS NAME YOU ARGGGHCLAN SCUM!" she screamed at the top of his lungs " YOU WANNA FIGHT ME BRO?" screamed Stupidstrike. " OF COURSE I DO!" shrieked Sadface. Longstory short, Stupidstrike could barely fight an ant, so Sadface almost murdered him. then as the moon slowly clouded over the whole gathering desolved into a furious foodfight where you could barely hear see or smell whoever was beside you.


Chapter 3: Nursery madness

In the Smoothieclan nursery Citruskit was trying to get her sister Mangokit to play with her. Mangokit was napping in the sun with her and Citruskit's mom Tropicalmix. " Come on Mangokit! wake up! we can play moss ball with Lemonkit Pomegranatekit and Spinachkit!" she said excitedly while shaking Mangokit. " How about no" replied a groggy Mangokit, who immediately feel asleep. " Fine! i guess ill stalk aunt Orangepeel" Citruskit left in a huff.

Citruskit crept up on her aunt, who was drinking from the great smoothie river, witch gave the clan its name. Crouching, she watched aunt and then lunged for her aunt, grabbing tightly onto her pelt. Orangepeel yelped and almost fell in the great smoothie river. " CITRUSKIT!" yelled Orangepeel, who was very irritated. " WHY DID YOU DO THAT" she shook Citruskit, who was deeply inhaling her fur " Because im bored, have nothing to do and your fur smells realllly good" replied Citruskit cooly.

Orangepeel snorted and dragged her niece back to the Smoothieclan camp.

In Marysuegarystuclan, Pearlshimmer was watching her kits- Musclekit, Garnetkit, Topazkit and Opalkit play just outside the nursery. Musclekit, the only tom was much much much stronger then his siblings, and was pushing them all over and tackling them.

Suddenly, Opalkit was sent flying into a tree and she gave a loud wail. Musclekit froze awkwardly while Topazkit started lecturing him and Garnetkit went to go see if their sister was okay. Pearlshimmer got up and trotted over."Opalkit are you alright?" She asked sweetly while Garnetkit watched from in between her mothers paws "Im fine" sniffed Opalkit as her mother lifted her out of the bush.

Pearlshimmer then walked over to Musclekit and Topazkit, who was still lecturing her brother. "Thank you Topazkit" said Pearlshimmer " I will handle this from here." she then turned to Musclekit " Musclekit, would you please apologize to Opalkit?" she asked " NEVER!" yelled Musclekit, YEETING his mother and siblings into the nursery and then laughing demonicly.

Blueeyes and Hotnesspelt watched all of this. " Blueeyes Musclekit is very strange" commented Hotnesspelt " Yeah i know" replied Blueeyes as he stood up " In any case im going to go ask Musclekit to be nicer to his kin and then im going to go train Rosebudpaw" he said as he walked towards the nursery. " Alright then" said Hotnesspelt walking away.

Chapter 4: History lessions in ARRGGHClan


** epic time travel to the battle where everyone sat around and did nothing**

In what is now Smoothieclan, near the great Smoothie river( witch was then known as" The river that tastes like grass"), there where five factions. well actually four since at this point ARGGHClan and Dmcaclan where one and the same. The four leaders were Mary Sue, who's only warrior was her mate Gary Stu, Smoothie Slurp, who had 5 warrior's, Emo Sulk, who had ten warrior's and Dmca Slam and ARGGH SCREAM who both had twenty warrior's.

Every just sat there and stared at each other. Except for Gary Stu who was firing ballistic missiles at random two legs who passed by. " Mary Sue please control you husband" groaned Emo Sulk, who was sulking. " Fine" said Mary Sue who stopped her husband from murdering randomly two legs by using her Super epic pink unicorn power!!!111!!1!!! on him. He survived because Mary sues and Gary stus are only weak to common sense like " your eyes cannot be rainbow" and " How can you transform into an alicorn you're a freaking cat". Where was i? oh right, everyone was just standing around.

Smoothie Slurp fell over. his four warriors and one kit copied him. " Wait Salmon Jumper why are you here?" asked Ginger Root, who was one of the Smoothieclan warriors. " Because i saw you guys leaving and wanted to come too!" squealed the young kit.

Meanwhile in the present, ALLCAPSSTAR was stopped from telling his story by Antwhisker who told him Fluffhead had gotten her head stuck in a tree hollow. Facepalmpaw facepalmed. " WELL I GUESS I'D BETTER GO HELP" yelled ALLCAPSSTAR as he followed Antwhisker.

Meanwhile the apprentices where just sitting there awkwardly. " Im going to go watch some more vines and cry about the death of vine." Said Vinepaw walking over to the apprentice den. "Im going to go plan Fluffheads death" said Violencepaw laughing evilly.. " .... And i will make sure you dont do that" said Facepalmpaw to Violencepaw while he facepalmed.

Chapter 5: Vengie does a jail break

In the twoleg nest place ( AKA the town of City village) Vengie was announcing her plans to jailbreak her brother, Toungeless. She had "borrowed" a whiteboard from Bill Nye the science cat's scientist owner and had a drawing of herself, Worryscreech Bill Nye and Sweetie Pie Candy attacking the Smoothieclan elders den and stealing back Tongueless. " Ill go into the elders den with Bill Nye and Candy. i will restrain and gag Coconutshell while you guys help Tongueless get out. Worryscreech you will ruin through the back and destract them." By now everyone else ( except for Worryscreech who was imagining kiddnapping one of Applejuice's kits) had realised this plan was impossible." Vengie this is impossible" said Bill Nye the science cat as he pulled out his own whiteboard and started to draw something. " If we do this and you cant restrain Coconutshell or they dont chase Worryscreech we will fail". "Also while you and Worryscreech are good fighters, me and Sweetie pie Candy cannot fight". "And no offense you are kind of old Vengie" he said as he cleaned off his white board.

"Hey Banannastar, what do you think that lump of cream fur is over there?" Asked Berrypaw as she looked at the slowly moving Candy. "Nothing", replied Banannastar ignoring Candy. Now safe in a bush, Candy peered at the entrance they were going to sneak in through: a patch of hazel bush's with a small hole in it that led to the elders den. " Alright. Candy, Bill Nye, come with me. Worryscreech, break into the camp and distract them" Said Vengie., who was wearing a bush.

Vengie got up and ran to the hole in the bushs, stopping beside it. Candy and Bill Nye did the same while Worryscreech climbed a tree above the nursery. Vengie shedded her bush costume and slipped through the hole stealthily. Bill Nye stepped on her tail. Candy was squirming awkwardly and had a bunch of leaves in her thick and long pelt.

Coconutshell was sleeping so Vengie just sat on her. Tongueless was also sleeping so Candy and Bill Nye started to pull him out.

*Meanwhile with Worryscreech*

Worryscreech was perched directly above Pomegranatekit. Looking back at the bushes where Vengie, Candy and Bill Nye had gone in he could tell they where inside the elders den. Leaping down from the tree he grabbed Pomegranatekit and ran as if all of the cats from *dramatic announcer voice* THE FOREST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EARTH where following him. Pomegranatekit screeched like a bird but couldnt really do much, while her mother father and all of Smoothieclan chased after him. he jumped up a tree and started running through the tree tops, watching as the Smoothieclan cats, who could not climb trees failed at getting to him. he paused at the edge of the forest when suddenly...

*Meanwhile in Smoothieclan elders den*

Tongueless was half out of the elders den when two things happened: The first was that Coconutshell woke up and flung Vengie at Candy. The second was that Candy was knocked all the way back to Twolegnestplace from the blow. Coconutshell used the power of being insane and telling weird storys to drive Bill Nye and Vengie out of the elders den, without the still sleeping Tongueless.

*Back with Worryscreech and Pomegranatekit*

Suddenly, an eyescorching glowing cat named Neonpaw appeared. Worryscreech screamed in pain as his eyes disintegrated from too much neon yellow while Pomeganatekit awkwardly fell down to her parents, while Neonpaw somehow picked up the much larger cat and flung him into Candy, who now had a concussion. Poor Candy.

*an hour later in Twolegnestplace*

Bill Nye the science cat was binge watching Bill Nye the science when he saw a twoleg take four pet crates out of a big moving truck and take them into the house beside Candy's house. he decided to go check it out. Little did he know, some warriors of ARRRGGHClan had the same idea..

Chapter 6: new neighbors and a Star Wars rip off.

Stupidstrike, Fluffhead and Facepalmpaw were all going to the moving truck. Stupidstrike and Fluffhead because they wanted to see it and Facepalmpaw because he didnt want either of them to die.

Meanwhile, the four crates were in the house and had been opened revealing three cats and a german shepard. The dark ginger one is Garnet, the golden one is Topaz, the pinkish one is Rosie and the german shepard is Simon. Garnet immediately ran to the window and stared outside, wondering how she could escape to the outside world.

Stupidstrike suddenly burst in and tackled Simon. Well, he actually tackled Simons leg. He wasnt tall enough to actually tackle Simon. He was soon joined by Fluffhead, while Facepalmpaw stared from the doorway. And then, Facepalmpaw facepalmed.

Rosie looked at the clan cats, and then screamed so loud that you could hear her in Africa.


And then Rosie fainted.

Lets check up on Dmcaclan shall we?

In Dmcaclan, the camp..... IS ON FIRE? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN???!!!!??? In the middle of the camp Gladpaw and some random cat wearing a darth vader costume were staring at each other. All around them were cats running around screaming, many of them with their pelts on fire.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING" screamed Gladpaw at the random cat wearing a darth vader costume

"im here to tell YOU something" said the random cat wearing a darth vader costume

"what?" asked Gladpaw

"You see..." said the random cat wearing a darth vader costume

" hurry up please"said Gladpaw

" Gladpaw... I am your mother!" said the random cat wearing a darth vader costume. They then flung off the costume, revealing themselves to be....




"Wrong" said Rainbowparty, smirking " I am your mother and Cloudclaw is your father. i took you to your father and he gave you to Obessesedface and Herbeater, pretentding he had found you in the woods"

Gladpaw screamed again.

Chapter 7: New arrival in Marysuegarystuclan.

In Marysuegarystuclan, Perfectionstar and Echoruby were watching the fire in Dmcaclan. Echoruby was sweatdropping nervously while Perfectionstar giggled perfectly. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the entrance to camp. Runnining over, there found everyone crowding around a pitch black cat with one white paw and one white ear, one blue eye and a green one and a magenta collar with Cat teeth Dog teeth embedded in it. "Hi everyone! Im Spite,the daughter of Scourge!" she declared cheerfully. Everyone gasped dramatically, some bowing down before her and kissing her long, sharp, glistening white claws. "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" screamed Perfectionstar jubilantly "WE HAVE FOUND AN ACTUAL DESCENDANT OF SCOURGE! PLEASE, TELL US YOUR EXTREMELY TRAGIC BACKSTORY!"

"Okay!" Spite said cheerfully. She inhaled deeply. Now you see, it all starts with my mother meeting my father...."

*Time travel noises intensify* (Warning: some serious actual non- crackfic writing up ahead. Procede at your own risk).

A VERY VERY long time ago...

A pale white she cat with beautiful seafoam-green eyes was walking along a fence. Suddenly, a dog barked. Screeching, the she cat fell onto the ground with a loud thud. As she got to her feet she realized her left- back foot was caught in some bubblegum and she could not move it. "Oh no!" the she cat wailed "My foot is stuck in this weirdly sticky pink stuff, and there's a dog nearby! how will i ever get free?" Suddenly, the same dog that had barked earlier came out of... somewhere and lept at her, showing his (or her?) large teeth as he stretched his mouth open, ready to bite the she cat's heart out. The she cat screamed in terror and tried to run, but the bubblegum pulled her back to her original posistion the moment she got one millimeter away from it. "HELP ME! HELP, ME PLEASE, SOMEONE!" the she cat screamed. Then, as the editing crew turned the scene onto slow motion, and the white she cat closed her eyes, a black cat with a collar full of teeth lept at the dog, tearing its throat open and leaving it to die in the dust. The cat (now revealed as Scourge) walked towards the she cat, who was slowly opening her eyes.

" Are you alright?" he asked the white she cat calmly. "Ye- ye- yes" squeaked the white she cat, partially stuttering from her traumatic experience and partially from immediate love upon seeing Scourge. "Im Scourge. Whats your name?" asked Scourge. " Im Vanilla" replied the white she cat emotionally.

" DO you love me? Because i love you" said Scourge randomly as his eyes turned to pink hearts "I ADORE you!" squealed Vanilla as the two started to kiss passionately. " Can i have your kits?" she asked "Of course!" said Scourge

*One month later*

Vanilla was watching the battle between the clans and Bloodclan with her best friend, Paprika, a dark ginger tabby she cat.From where she was hiding, a bit away from the hollow in heavy bushes and shrubbery, the plump queen could see the battling cats. Vanilla wrapped her tail around her slightly bulging stomach, full of Scourge's kits. She started to think about names for them when suddenly Paprika's gasp stirred her from her daydreams. "Look! Scourge just tore the throat open of the Lionclan cat's leader!"

When Vanilla peered out of the bush, she realized that the fiery ginger tom was indeed dead with his throat torn out. Vanilla blinked in confusion as she stared at the clan cats, who were still fighting even though they had all noticed the tom was dead. She frowned and then spoke. "Wait.. Why aren't the cats fleeing? Scourge had killed their leader, but the cats still fought.

*Five minute time skip so i don't have to write the part where Vanilla chills while waiting for the clan cats to leave*

Suddenly, Vanilla saw the flame pelted tom stand up again. She was frozen in shock while Paprika just said "what".

She was drawn out of her musings by seeing the fiery ginger tom killing Scourge. "NOOOOO" she wailed before dramatically fainting.

*Timeskip to after le kitting*

Vanilla weakly licked her five kits- two toms and three she cats. Of these five, one was stillborn. "So what will you name them? enquired Paprika, who was sitting beside her along with Vanilla's aunt Frosty, who had been called to help with the kitting. Vanilla thought for a moment and then answered."The stillborn tom will be Blacksnake" she pressed her nose to the black kit. Vanilla then spoke again" The pale white tom will be Hemlock for the poisonous plant, the oldest she cat will be Avalanche for my mother, the middle kit will be named Spite and the youngest she cat will be Malice, both names that Scourge liked when i spoke to him about it." She touched her noses to each of the kits as she said their name.

" I will go bury Blacksnake" Frosty said softly. She let her niece say one last goodbye to her stillborn kit and then walked over to a nearby fern plant (the cats are outside) and buried him under it.

"So Hemlock, Avalanche, Spite and Malice it is then?" said Paprika. When Vanilla nodded, she spoke again "Those are good names. And... Im sorry about Blacksnake.." she trailed off.

"Its fine. Its not you or aunt Frosty's fault. I just wish Scourge could see his kits...." And with that, Vanilla fell asleep as Frosty walked back over.

*Insert depressing kithood here*

*Timeskip to present day*

"WOW!" gasped all the Marysuegarystuclan cats "That backstory is so depressing! And you are so perfect!" Spite bowed and blushed.

"Alright" said Perfectionstar "Now its time for you to become a Marysuegarystuclan warrior. Spite, do you swear to Outerspaceclan that you will be a good and nice cat?"

" YES! yes i do!" Spite replied cheerfully

" Then by my authority as clan leader, i give you a warrior name. From this day forwards, you will be known as... drumroll please! *insert drumroll sound effect here* Spitelessheart for your pure heart." said Perfectionstar in one breath. Of course, Perfectionstar didn't pass out from asyphixcation because she was a Mary sue and so was immune to that. Marysuegarystuclan started to cheer happily.

*screen fades to white as Marysuegarystuclan celebrates*.

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