The Living Dead

The Living Dead is a fourteen-chapter Warriors fanfiction by Winterwhisper. It is the first and only book in The Living Dead Universe. The story focuses on a young, moody she-cat named Heatherfire who has a secret, which can be used for many different purposes. But in her world, secrets don't end up well if they get exposed...

Prologue

I am the living dead. 

It's unnatural, paranormal, creepy, and I love it. Cherish it.

I’m no normal warrior of Shadowclan. I don’t just hunt and fight and sleep at night. I don’t just stay in my normal home, in the life I still have. I do those things, but I also do so much more.

I go places. Wondrous places, high above my home and into the skies.

I go to Starclan.

I don’t fly, I’m not some weird pigeon or a cheesy day-dreamer. I…I’m not sure. Transport? Teleport? Zoom away in a flash?

I don’t know and I don’t care. All I care about is keeping this secret a secret. It’s vital to my whole life–which will be on the line if one single kit even finds out.

No one knows. And they can’t, otherwise a revolution of power-hungry and greedy cats are grasping at my tail. Trying to turn me into a freak attraction to use for their advantage, probably hoping to rule the forest. Some of us just need to be recognized.

I am not one of those cats.

Although, I did tell my mother and sister. They promised to keep my secret. They were surprised, and I didn’t blame them. How are you SUPPOSED to react? My mother was just a worrying mess, as usual. She’s weak. My sister’s reaction was uneasy to tell…

Anyways.

I’m a freak of nature. I have messed up powers. They’re dangerous and will most likely be the doom of me.

So why should I enjoy them?

Because who doesn’t what to have dead friends?

At least that’s what Scarletfall said to me, always with a laugh and a chuckle. She’s always making up these crazy ideas, these weird inventions and possibilities. She’s such a funny mother. She’s young and never meant to have a kit, but she took care of it as good as any other Queen would. She’s my best friend in both worlds, even more than any Clanmates.

So it’s absolutely embarassing when she says something about me. About what I can do. I just smile and nod–it’s classic, come on.

But my sister, Bluestream, thinks otherwise. “You’re so freaky! Hide these powers! Shush!”

And my mother is a whole other story.

I wonder how my father would have reacted. If he was still alive, something along the lines of “shut up you rotting worm!”

And I did. I don’t speak about my abilities. I go about my day regularly, I do what I must for Shadowclan. Typical and plain, there’s no point in being a socialite because of what I can do.

I’m not like that.

I just be a warrior.

Well, that’s in the day.

Night is different. Night is chaos.

Night is my favourite thing.

—————

It’s like a whole different universe when I shut my eyes, clench my paws, focus on my ancestors and suddenly appear in some starry-white bush in a clearing of whole new teritory.

Then I see Scarletfall waiting for me, her little child, Leafkit, bouncing around her legs. That’s when I remember, slowly regaining my memory that got boggled in the process.

I’m here. It’s Starclan: my second home.

Most Starclan cats are just sitting around and meowing to each other. Then they see me and smile, welcoming me with open paws.

Of course I go to them, already a grin on my narrow face. My fur is ruffled by the constant breeze there, that always seems to be the same temperature. Starclan is so weird.

I love weird things.

I get along with everyone, and there is a lot of everyones, and I have the time of my life there, every night.

And after my fun night of gossip, hunting, games and visiting with dead cats, I look down below from a weird view at the humongous home of my Clan. The shady forest is still there, with shining dawn lights spreading onto its surface like water engulfing the Sunrocks.

I say my goodbye’s, my farewell’s, and so long’s, and repeat the process of coming here all over again. It makes me dizzy every time, but I’m used to it. Almost every day of the week transporting from one world to another–it’s like a routine for me.

And I had to get used to it quick.

Then I’m back to where I was. Then I’m on my way home happily, with a simple smile, slipping into camp to get the few minutes of rest before morning patrols.

How do I get any sleep otherwise?

Well, I rest whenever I can. After every patrol, eat a quick morsel of prey, then bolt over to my nest and collapse in a sunken heap. It’s a demanding and exhausting process–

And I love it.

I’m crazy, my mind reveals it.

My life isn’t gonna get much better than this. It’s unique and confusing, but it’s always gonna be the same. I’ll always be Heatherfire. I hope.

And it’s definitely not going to get worse.

I think these false things, only trying to disguise the inevitable possibilities all caused by simple naivety.

The truth is, I destroy everything I know.

Chapter 1

“Oh Heatherfire, you’re too funny!”

Music to my ears.

Scarletfall complimenting me is just uplifting my spirit to the skies above Starclan– if there are any.

Leafkit is prancing around happily, wiggling his hindquarters and crouching disruptively when he sees a little vole or something. The memories of kithood attack my brain.

He is so beautiful and carefree, with the stars capturing his fluffy pelt tightly.

Everything here is so beautiful, I know undoubtedly.

The light, the joy, the peacefulness. They’re all dead, some violently and some horrifyingly, but here in Starclan every sad memory fades away to be trapped somewhere worse. Somewhere like the Dark Forest.

I shudder. I’d never go there, and I won’t ever have to, thankfully. I mean, unless I turn into a heartless blood-drinker.

Morbid. Just another tiny word in the array that describes my life. 

Scarletfall holds Leafkit lovingly, but looks at me, worried.

“Nothing,” I reassure her. “I’m just thinking about if I never come back here. My secret is so fragile…what if it was released and I got into trouble.”

“That’s not gonna happen, Heatherfire. Don’t worry me. Now, you gotta go soon, unless you really do want to get in trouble.”

She was right. And I was being stupid. Another life-word. I have too many.

I said my goodbye’s, promised to be back soon, and bent down to nuzzle baby Leafkit. I hope for kits someday.

But every Tom is just…AAAA! To say the least.

And every part of me is beyond AAAA!

I leave with that thought, waiting patiently in the short darkness until I return. This is so normal to me, so natural, and yet I’m the most supernatural cat in both realms.

I arrive in a very unfortunate, poky bush. I shake my paw up above as a joke, and I can basically hear Scarletfall laughing.

I smile.

“You’re so stupid.”

I frown.

I turn and head out of the bush, shaking out my fur and flicking my tail. I stare up: it’s Bluestream.

A snarky look. As usual.

“Do you just have to be so mouse-brained and go up…. up there every night, regardless of what’s going on? You’re so insensitive, this power isn’t to use willy-nilly, Heather. Don’t be stupid. Like, really don’t know how to handle yourself well.”

I was never one to hold my tongue. “At least I’m not miserable and useless like the cat you call yourself.”

Too far. She snarls and looks at me, offended, quite realistically. I flatten my ears and she whips around, her pretty fur swishing. My ugly brown fur stays pricked, the same dull color as ever.

I’ve heard twenty-two toms call Bluestream pretty (I counted).

I’ve heard Kestrelpelt call me pretty.

Kestrelpelt murdered five cats at the gathering last year.

Bluestream storms off into the undergrowth, and I’m left switching from paw to paw on these poky pine needles. The ground is wet–I missed the rain again. I loved rain since I was small.

That and wind and darkness, which always seemed to settle somewhere in me, too comfortably.

And as I pad off after her, frantically looking for prey to catch so it looks as I was doing something, something clicks in my mind deep down.

What she said was not completely wrong.

———

I’m exhausted and drowsy, unable to keep my eyes open. As I trace the path back to Bluestream and camp, I barely snag a scrawny squirrel, displeased with myself and with my mind. Stupid brain. Why do you make me so tired?

Sometimes I forget I’m still young and dumb.

Though I get daily reminders.

Bluestream said right.

I stumble into the clearing, head down to avoid any possible gazes. I throw the squirrelly messily onto the pile and run to my den with faded strength, the sun sucking the last bits out of me. I’m always so awake up there, where the dead are.

Down here I’m tired and in a demanding routine, that has too much noticeable unhappiness.

Which do I enjoy more?

I collapse into my nest as quietly as I can–which is a lumbering badger range–and my eyes flutter shut. I hear some moans and meows.

They slip away as I do, into my peaceful dreams. The calmness arrives.

Plump mice and glittery streams, full energy and wind-blown, glossy fur. What perfection, my own Starclan in my head.

Doesn’t last long.

The Clan is up, my friends and Clanmates are pushing me to wake. I groan and lie that I “feel sick,” and need to sleep longer. Pinerain–my friend–scoffs, and I know it’s her by the noise in her throat. I’m so perceptive.

A rare, not-horrific word in the vocabulary of “Heatherfire’s heart.”

Perceptive.

Surprisingly, as I’m dead-tired and dead-feeling.

“You use that stupid excuse all the time! What’s really with you, Heatherfire. Why are you always so tired and what are you hiding from me? It can’t be good for any of us!” Nag, nag, scold, scold. That’s how I feel everyone here is. Why can’t they let me have my peace and quiet? Why can’t they be…like StarClan?

I’m actually selfish so often.

I want my prim heaven of rest and joy in my powers all the time, not accepting that I’m useless to my Clan and a nuisance to everyone. I’m just a waste of space that brings stringy prey back to camp and runs away every night, barely careful enough to hold my own secret. My secret that could be deadly.

I’m not loyal. I’m not royal.

I’m wrong. 

I’m ninety percent in belief of what Bluestream said.

And one hundred percent in belief that what I said to her was wrong and could ruin everything.

Maybe my life won’t be so mysterious anymore.

Chapter 2

(2 days later)

I started this battle without ever knowing it.

I won’t ever forgive her. I can’t. She promised she wouldn’t tell, and I never knew she did until this all happened. Starclan versus the five living Clans…the ultimate battle…the highest prices.

I knew it was because what I said to her. It was out of line and downright disgusting, and I never apologized for it.

And I expected something bad.

But not THIS.

Bluestream didn’t go to mother, first. First, it was her mate, Rocklight. He was always such of a talker…I just found him annoying. To me he was… Ugh. Simply ugh.

I found everyone in ShadowClan “ugh.”

But that’s because I’m selfish, naivë and pessimistic.

Three more words to describe me, and this ones are popular.

Word spread fast. Rocklight and all his little yappy minions made a whole gathering in the Clan out of it, basically. I was out hunting squirrels in the lush forest at the time. Or should I say, “hunting.”

I mean, I was.

Just not in this realm…

I returned, murmuring “no luck” as I shuffled through camp.

This happens every night, and it’s glorious while I’m up there, and satanic when i’m back here.

I kept quiet as I padded slowly.

But then I saw the eyes.

It looked like hundreds, all of my friends and clanmates staring at me. Some anger, some confusion…even sadness.

That was from my mom.

And what of Bluestream?

Oh, yeah. That stupid ratheart was all laughy-moony with Rocklight, and when she saw me she just…I’m not sure. Evil pretty girl smirked? With that type of arrogance and impudence? You know what I mean.

We all know what I mean.

Especially me, as I’m usually the one giving it.

I hide my face with my paws and back away, thinking I would be safe. Even now I think, why was I so naivë?

I couldn’t get away from a horde of questioning cats.

Their impending rage was my doom.

I was backed up to the entrance. The open gate of thorny freedom behind me.

The whispering pack of beastly cats in front.

My mother was all sad. She was crying, sobbing and whining that they were after me. I called out: “Mother! Please! Help me! Tell them it’s not hurtful!”

She’s basically my tool to survive.

Eh, she was always weak. She probably didn’t hear me in her poor-old-lady-bout of tears.

Huh, I’m such an obnoxious pessimist.

That’s what they thought too, I guess. Circling me like starving ravens. They looked so fiery and mad, I thought each eye was turning a bloody crimson color to signify their descent into insanity.

They were become evil, calculating attackers.

They were the outcasts. The betrayers. The heartless, the cold, the pessimists. They didn’t trust me and I didn’t get a say.

But they all thought I was the one.

I was the cold-hearted outcast.

Yet at this moment, at their very darkest, all of them looked just like me…

———-

“You traitor! You held this secret from us!”

“You betrayed your Clan for your stupid friends above! No one trusts you, Foxheart!”

“Heatherfire, you should be banished for what you have kept all these years! This information could have helped your Clan–”

“You used it for your own selfish reasons, Heatherfire.”

That was Bluestream.

She is one of them now.

One of me.

Yet I am on my own.

I flinch at every insult. Wince at every unsheathing of claws. Cringe at every glare and hateful remark that follows.

They all seem like they meld together into one angry thing. I can't see any in the back, though I desperately hope some feel different. All they have to do is speak up. Save me!

But no one does. Whether out of fear—Grassstar was never a forgiving cat—confusion, or surprise, they all hold their ground, still melting into a clump of scary madness.

And I won’t be able to take this any longer.

I'm a runner. I gotta go! Leave this place…leave the cats that once loved and knew me.

Now I’m a WHOOOOLE different cat! Completely changed! Heatherfire to Unknownpelt! A traitor.

But no. Not really. I’m just exposed.

Instead of being the lie. Instead of being me as a lie. I’m finally the truthful, real me.

And this me is the bad one.

I run.

Into the woods, past elderly trees and puffy bushes. I can’t face them. I’ll die!

And I’m a coward. I’m no brave-hearted hero of all time.

I’m just me. Real me.

So as I leave, I’m going to have to think of where to go. How to survive, how to think and eat and drink and fight.

How to go on with the loss of my home.

Will I ever be able to go back? What happens if I do? Death, torture, eternal bullying and abuse are all sure-fire treatments.

Heck, even the leader and deputy and med cat were in that ravenous group. I could be overrun in a matter of seconds, ripped to shreds.

So what is there to do?

What place can I go?

Oh, right, where is my second home?

Starclan.

I’ll use the reason I was brutally driven away from my cozy shelter for warmth to keep myself alive.

I’ll go from Shadowclan to Starclan.

They will protect me. They will love and cherish me. They will give me the life I need after leaving my old one.

I would expect everything to go well there. I’ll stay alive and well and happy and be respected for my powers and me through and through.

This seems like such a great idea.

But, of course, all good things come to an end. Or in this case, never happen.

I manage to get my other home to hate me completely, to want to rip out my guts. I never liked them, but life without them completely is going to be different.

I manage to start a violent war between both of my shelters.

Well. I really am such a pessimist.

Chapter 3

I repeat the process in a dusty nook of an oak tree. Clench, close eyes, focus…BAM!

I’m there. Now beside a shimmering, wavy version of a willow tree, dancing with silvered swirls.

Looking ahead at the pretty sky, I’m thinking such a beautiful place. 

I’ll TOTALLY be safe here!

My naivety kicks in with a start.

My heart is already full of hope, my spirits uplifted as I pad forward into the shiny clearing. Everything here looks so new and welcoming!

Except the cats faces. Except my family member’s faces.

I ruin everything.

Scarletfall heads over with a worried look on her face. Little Leafkit prancing around freely, unknowing the upcoming dreadful situation. Oh, the envy I feel.

I want that life.

Suck it up, princess. 

“Oh…Heatherfire. I’m so sorry…this is just…” She’s speechless. I understand her. Wants to comfort my discomfort, to simmer down the boiling fire of a mess I made.

So nice. She deserves to be here. She DOESN’T deserve a friend like me. I should be her darkened enemy.

The wave of regret and ungratefulness hits me as all of them stalk over. Why did I get this life? Why do I have to have these stupid freaking powers that just destroy everything that surrounds me.

A day ago I thought they were a blessing. A lifesaver. A gift.

Now they’re my downfall, my curse and ruin.

“You’ve wrecked everything.” Plain and simple, the Starclan cat Wrenstar scolds.

Wrenstar. Such a pretty name. For such a strong, handsome cat.

Nothing can ever be perfectly perfect.

He’s actually a complete horse-rear.

Ha, I’m funny.

“All tradition, all belief, and all regularity is gone thanks to you. You just COULDN’T keep your wide mouth shut and your messed up secret safe? Is that so hard?!” Wrenstar hounds.

Yes. 

“Hmm, well sorry for being a typical, damaged cat! I guess it was wrong of me to make a mistake, right. Darn, I shoulda been completely perfect!” Sarcasm drips from my whispered words. Wrenstar narrows his eyes.

He looks like a serpent.

Cold, slimy, and inevitably ready to strike any moment.

I glance around, looking past the hulking shape of the former leader. Scarletfall is occupying Leafkit a few fox-lengths away. She doesn’t look happy.

She can hear us.

“Shadowclan is gone from us.”

“Only three Clans believe us now.”

“Things are getting worse by the moment.”

Wrenstar hushed the others quickly. I’m surprised they listen to him.

His fish-breath must install daily fear.

He continued on roughly. “They’re questioning us. They’re all hostile and feel like they’ve been betrayed.”

We were, they would all say while glowering.

“By sundown, they’ll disbelieve us. Clan rules will be broken, it’ll be a civil war riot. And just think, Heatherfire. At the gathering! News will spreads. Beliefs will shift and alliances will change. We’ll have a whole four-Clan army pounding at our door, waiting to strike! What disorder have you brought, Heatherfire!”

“It’s obvious.” I mumble, looking down and taking a few steps back. I’m a pessimistic freak who ruins what was started and ends what has been. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t ruin this holy place.

I’m like a shadowy bomb that goes off whenever I move or speak, erupting the glittery sky into a cloud of shady mistrust.

“We have no choice but…but to dispose of you. You brought despair here. And those who tarnish our ways must be eradicated immediately, regardless of what tradition of pacifism has been with us all this time.”

Behind all of those fancy, dangerous words, I know what he means.

They’re all trying to kill me now.

Leaving Scarletfall and Wrenstar, I instantly turn away and run.

Clench, close, focus.

Clench, close, focus.

Clench, close…focus.

And I’m back to where I started the problem.

Chapter 4

I’m holding my breath and tears back as I peer half heartedly through a scraggly bush.

The camp before me, withholding mounds of snarling, debating cats.

My former Clanmates.

My former friends.

As much as I hate to admit it, I miss them. I miss my whiny sister, I miss my weak mom, Pinerain, my only friend, Grassstar, one who hates me more than most…I never liked ShadowClan, and I knew that every day they grew to hate me more, just waiting for a reason to get rid of me once and for all.

They got one.

They’re all in little groups, screaming and arguing with each other. There are probably patrols swarming around me right now, and I’m sitting here moping in oblivion.

They’re whole different cats now, just like they thought I was. There is no happiness, no joy. From the oldest elder to the youngest kit they’re all just depressed and terrified and mad. I don’t blame them, honestly. I’ve always been a raging fire, and when they tried to contain me, I would explode.

All they wanted was some peace. And by that, to get rid of me would mean eternal calmness.

I caused this.

There is nothing I can do. The incurable can’t be cured. What’s infinitely broken can’t be fixed.

All that’s left is to be a coward. All that’s left is to run. Just get away, fast as I can.

Run from those hunting me from above, and those who will kill me in a second down here.

Run from all who I know.

But where can I go?

I’ve changed my they’ve changed, and those who were once peaceful could be lusting for blood…

Wrenstar was right, too. The gathering, it’s just around the corner. Each Clan would find out, there would be a noticeable target on my head. If I show my face it’ll be clawed off. Danger would be my name.

Any place in the Clans territories is deadly. If I stay with one, the next day I’ll have to leave. There are no options that are long enough for me to even call a place a home.

I’m not going to be a kittypet. I’m a coward, but not that low. Anywhere in that rotting Twolegplace is not right for me. Me, Heatherfire. I’ll jut be murdered there, too.

Rogue? Loner?

Find a new group… start a new group? I’m not a fighter, I’m too weak and scrawny for that. A hunter in some group of some sort?

Hunter.

Prey.

Great. The small details that keep me alive are coming back.

I need to eat.

The sudden rush of starvation attacks me so hard, I stumble to the ground, feeling like I want to cry and vomit and laugh and die all at once.

It takes any and all strength I have to actually get back up, drag my body forwards and scan the area. My mouth is parched and my stomach less than empty. How could I forget about this all this time?

Oh, right, Heatherfire. I was busy dealing with snarling and murderous cats staring at me like I was the enemy.

I was busy with everyone against me. I totally had time to nibble on a hare.

Sarcastic. Probably already added to the list.

There. The tiny brown shape, probably enough to feed me for two minutes. A vole.

There was probably the biggest, juiciest hare just buddying up with me a few minutes ago. I was too centred on my old life I couldn’t even notice.

I stalk forward slowly, realizing I’m tipsy and lazy. It’ll be a miracle if I catch this. A much needed miracle.

Paw steps trample through the bushes, catching me off guard. I whip my head up, groggy and in pain.

Pinerain.

“You…” I collapse into a heap. Her face blurs, worried and meowing, and soon blackness controls.

—-

When I awake, she’s still there, quiet but uneasy. I lift my head, and she instantly rushes over, prey in jaws.

“Oh, Heatherfire…” She cries out. “Eat, please.”

I don’t hesitate.

After I scarf it down, I remember my manners.

“Thanks, Pinerain.” She was my miracle from StarClan.

My only friend in this world I hate.

“Heatherfire, th-the Clan’s in an uproar. Grassstar is delusional, she’s just changing everyone’s mind, making them think you’re a villain. Bluestream is helping…”

I knew. I always knew. She hated me from the start, like I wasn’t her real sister, like I was the bile in the family.

I treated fire with fire.

Pinerain continues. I listen eagerly, my hunger slowly dying.

“They’re basically all just doing her bidding. She IS the Clan leader…they have to listen. But they’re sending out hunting patrols right away, Bluestream.”

Hunting patrols. They will catch the prey.

I am the prey.

“Are we out here alone? Go, you’re in danger.” I hiss, shooing her off.

“No. Needlewhisper, Longbranch and Greenpetal are on guard. Shine fall is at camp, she’s with your mom. They’re both okay, but no one will talk to them. Even the medicine cats are mad, Heatherfire!”

I could care less about my mom.

“Wait…you have a whole GROUP for me? What…how?” I’m beyond puzzled by now. Beyond grateful, too, but that’s hard enough for me to show…

“Of course, Heatherfire. You may be snooty, whiny and a complete cow, but some of us still love you. I do…and I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

“Me. I have to do this on my own, Pinerain. I can’t risk getting you or anyone else who supports me hurt. But as long as you’re still here, do what you can to stay unnoticed. Have a good life…Pinerain.”

She widens her eyes, trying to understand what I’m saying, but I cut her off before she starts.

“No. Alone, Pinerain.”

“I never knew this Heatherfire,” she starts. “Where’s the grumpy and world-hating furballs I know? Since when were you so…kind. Considerate…normal?! Where has this been all these yea–”

“Hidden. And it will stay that way. Besides, my killer hunger brought this out.” I laugh a true laugh. One which I hadn’t ever had for years in this Clan. In a sick sort of way, I’m almost happier being hated by them and never to return.”

We grapple in a hug before I leave. I give my honest condolences, words I never knew I had until this situation, and then she’s off.

We could of been happy together.

I don’t care what my elders say about toms, I love her. I love girls. And that could of been a thing.

But it won’t be.

——

StarClan let her talk to me, almost let her help me. Why?

I survive for them to knock me back down.

Man, I’m being pessimistic and sadistic now.

After eating and my stupidly honest moment with Pine, I find a dirty, muddy puddle and revel in it, like it’s the most clean lake around. I drink for an eternity, my mouth filled with a bacteria-plagued heaven.

Then it’s back to my future-planning.

I realize there are actually so many options and possibilities.

But each one is dangerous, unpredictable and a lot of work.

I’m lazy and grouchy, you could guess. I’m really not a good cat, I have all-flaws-no-goodness.

Maybe they’re all right to hate me. Something’s wrong with Pinerain and the rest, their compassion is in overload.

Ooh, doubtful. Another problem to add to my master collection.

I turn away into the blaring sun, padding across the ground with the open holes in the green-leaved trees releasing the heat rays.

Where do I go next? I’m actually being so idiotic right now, I’m only fox-lengths away from all my betrayers–no, wait, I am the betrayer. I’m fox-lengths away from those who I betrayed and lied to. I’m dangerous. They’re dangerous. This world is dangerous. 

It’s always been.

And there is one option that’s even more outrageous, even more crazy and unsafe and the biggest death wish. One option that could break me in a second, or help me for a lifetime.

It’s risk versus risk, danger or danger. Either I die one way or I get tortured the other.

No going back.

No being a coward.

Farewell, pessimism. 

I can also hear the faint voices of my clanmates, finally deciding on what decision to follow.

“Right now, dear clanmates, I think our best decision is to kill the cat who brought this to our Clan.” Grassstar coos.

I’m hunted at every point.

Except…one. Just one.

The most dangerous one.

I’m going back up there. Not to Starclan, not to those cats who hate me and are ready to “dispose” of me. I’m going to same realm. The same world above, but with thousands more layers of darkness and hate and cruelty.

Clench, close, focus:

I’m going to the Dark Forest.

——

The darkness swallows my body.

The shadows fill my soul.

Whatever ripped morsel of kindness, happiness, gratefulness and wonder I had left of me is stripped away, leaving nothing but one layer of evil.

As I arrive, I can feel the good warping out of me. This place is a tunnel, whoever goes in, doesn’t come out the same…

Chapter 5

I actually realize how stupid and far fetched this idea is when I arrive spot-on on the shimmering, ghostly boundary.

Now it’s just clogging my mind, on top of everything else. The freedom is trapped in a cage called conscience. 

I look up.

Dark forest ahead, Starclan behind.

I look down.

The four Clans everywhere. Past them, rivers and streams and Twoleg houses and precarious territory. Loners and rogues and kittypets–all who I’m sure won’t be entirely welcoming.

I wouldn’t be either.

But at this moment, I’m not sure which group would like to kill me more.

Why would I go here? 

I was planning back there for so long–I lost track of time–and then I just thought of this. It popped up, I recognized it, and there, done, I decided. What attracted me to this option?

It made no sense. My starvation, craziness, pessimism and full mind must have made me unpredictable.

All thought to no thought. Spur of the moment risk. It’ll end up with the death of me.

I look down through a puddle, seeing my living home once again. It’s night there, the sun must have just gone down. Darkness everywhere–crowding the dirt paths, choking the trees.

StarClan’s territory is white and heavenly.

StarClan’s cats are broken and fierce.

I go to the Dark Forest.

———–

The way there is haunting. Scarring.

Unforgettable.

The trees sway in unlikely ways, their spindly arms waving at me creepily from a breeze that’s not even there.

It’s cold. It’s empty. It’s frightening.

And I’m walking in the middle of all of it.

I don’t even know where to go…or how to react. This place is paranormal, and a home to hundreds. No one could live here…but those who do aren’t normal.

They’re freaks.

Like me.

Every killer, traitor, liar, thief, betrayer and attacker thrives here, in this everlasting blackness.

I’m going to have a chat with all of them.

I’m the living dead, but this time I might die for real.

I’m wandering still, unknowing and an easy target. One of them could just run up and gut me where I stand.

Naivë.

I smile.

Insanity.

Moving forward: I hear noises. It’s like screaming, painful, bloodcurdling screams. Uncomforting and making me wanna turn around and get the high-head-heck outta here.

I just keep going forward.

Hey, maybe I’m brave!

That could be a good thing about me!

I guess I also have false optimism.

Whatever. Now I’m rambling and ambling across uncharted territory in the sky.

Soon I will be hurt.

Soon I will be broken.

My mind is racing. I’m thinking so much. I’m dragging every thought on. Gripping to them so tight, leaving scalding marks, like a little kit afraid of the world. They can’t leave their guardians.

I can’t leave my last innocent thoughts.

No more.

I’m finally here.

The trees formed an alcove, and they now make a tall opening with complete blackness ahead.

The odd silvery-blue sky gives off the tiny light that lets me go anywhere.

Then it goes down. All of a sudden, just like a dim sun snapping off. The wind now appears, chilling down to the back of my bones.

I am alone. They are coming.

No going back. 

I step forward.

No going back. 

Each bloodthirsty and heart-haunting soul floats up to me, surrounding me in a never ending cloud of fiery shadows.

I am surrounded on all sides by death.

No going back. 

Chapter 6

When my eyes open I can somewhat see, and my memory quickly flows back into my groggy head.

I’m still here.

I’m still unsafe.

And then they’re all around me, growling and hissing and snarling, the darkest and most unpredictable expressions withheld on their faces. Fear blooms in me like a fresh flower, grasping my mind and controlling each vein. This moment is terrifying. This moment is death.

The dark brown tabby with piercing amber eyes is the first to step forward. He stares at me, questionably. I don’t hold the stare back. I look down, shivering, freezing.

“What do you want…?” His voice is a coarse and frightening whisper, clear and understandable. I don’t reply for a bit, keeping the pause still as I regroup myself, but eventually work up a tinge of nerve to meow.

“I-I-I…I need help.” I stutter, dumbfounded. I must look like a fool; each vicious criminal stares at me.

This is the worst moment I’ve ever been in. I’ve ever felt.

This is the most exciting moment I’ve ever felt.

This moment is shadows. Shadows and grievances, perils and problems.

He steps forward, menacingly. “Help? You rotting little Kittypet, needing help from us Warriors? And why, in any stupid way, should we help you.” The sarcasm and ferocity are just pouring from his words, dripping onto the barren ground where I stand.

I’m helpless and scared. How do I convince them? How will anything I say or do make them believe me or want to help me?

At least I might get away with a brutal death.

What a wonderful start.

“Look…I…” I start uncomfortably. All of them are peering with their fury-filled eyes, dark circles surrounding each pupil, signifying sleepless nights and cruel battles. “I’m Heatherfire. And I–”

“Silence.”

How rude. I’m thinking of something sassy to snap back.

Wait, do I want to be killed?

After all that’s happened, I can honestly ponder that question.

“We know who you are, she-cat. We know your situation and every stupid thing you have done. We’ve been watching, waiting, for you to come. But why should we help someone so…utterly stupid?” The massive tom snarls, unsheathing his mighty claws.

Eek. I cower in pure terror. This is life or death, me or him.

But he goes on, and I stay living for now.

“My name is Tigerstar. I was a warrior long ago who died here…but I came back. I’m bound to stay here my whole life, for having a purely dark soul. Each time I die I return to this uneventful deathhole. And I watch new cats come here, rise up to power and fall, and witness every event and happening in any timeline, forever. At the moment, I rule every piece of this land. You’re talking to the ultimate leader of all these blood-lusting Warriors. Scared? Well…we know everything going on and how you’ve basically managed to cause a forest-wide war with your idiocy.”

He doesn’t hold back.

I like it.

In a freaky, abnormal kind of way.

If he wasn’t able to kill me with one swipe of his paw, I would be full-on insulting him right now.

But this is going somewhere, and right now, I have a chance.

“Great…uh…so. Will you help me, or, like, are you just blabbing before you kill me on the spot?” 

He laughs, revealing his rotting and jagged teeth that would spread disease and death into my body if he struck me. I shudder inwardly and hope for the best with all my naivety. 

“You’re funny, I’ll give you that, and quite gutsy.” Tigerstar puts in with another haunting smile. Why am I not racing out of here with a oncoming heart attack? Why am I being somewhat brave?

Because I am, as he says, very stupid.

“You have such a pretty look and name…but you’re just a messed up fireball through and through.” This is a new killer. He steps from the crowd of mashed together shadows–also known as evil cats– that I forgot where even there. They’re so quiet…how are they deadly?

The saying: “silent but deadly.”

Though I mostly heard that when my grandmother bombed the Clan with her gas.

“Well I’m definitely not prim and perfect, you creep.” Ugh, I’m overstepping every boundary, piling on to my death wish.

Tigerstar forces the cat back powerfully with just the blink of his eyes. He is the embodiment of power and craze. I am the sad, naivë, young cat trying to ask him for help.

And then he stares at me. Looking into my soul and dragging out every inch of it.

“We will help you.”

I’m praising him and laughing and falling to my knees and gasping all at once.

I almost prayed to StarClan. Prayed to my predators.

“With one condition.”

I’m rising back up and widening my eyes and shaking all at once.

“After we save you, you must die and join us here, in the Dark Forest, forever.”

I’m not thinking through, I’m being stupid and rushing like my normal self, and I’m ready to accept anything to save my own skin, to end what I started.

“Sure…whatever…I accept.” I’m dumbfounded, shrugging it off. The faster they save me, the better. So I might as well–

He kills me with a violent strike across my throat.

Chapter 7

He lied to me.

I’m dead-focused on that.

Also dead-focused on being dead.

I blink open my eyes and take a rushed breath of air.

I’m at the border, where light meets dark and stars meet shadows.

Most cats would be spawned closer to Starclan. With my type of soul, I’m lucky enough to even be near it.

He’s here already, bounding over with his speechless cloud of freaky minions and their everlasting stares.

I rise up quickly, head a bit groggy and memories swirling ferociously.

He’s already killed me once, I don’t think it would matter if he did again.

So I have a chance to let all my anger out.

“You FOXHEARTED FISHFACED FREAKY LIAR! You promised me after you saved me I would be chopped. Now how am I supposed to do ANYTHING! You ruined my chance at…at life!”

“Your chance at life was ruined the moment you were born with your power.”

Snap. I just got told. I’m still fuming and ready to claw his eyes out.

I’m dead. 

Yeah, that’s right. Dead. He did this to me. I’ll never see my Clan again, even if I wanted to.

“But you will, Heatherfire.”

“ARE YOU READING MY MIND?!”

He ignores me, appropriately, as I’m just a mess of insanity and rage right now. I’m predictable but yet mysterious. I was never one to flip out constantly on cats…not like Goosebramble, a grouchy old elder.

But it’s hard not to be shocked after what just happened.

“You were ALIVE when you came up here and visited your precious ancestors. You stayed here and somehow maintained to live down below, a paw in both worlds. So now that you are dead, in this world instead of that one, what’s to stop you from doing the same thing in a different place?”

That made too much sense.

I’m starting to get suspicious of how this cat is so smart but yet deadly.

Something isn’t right.

“I…guess. But how did you know?”

“I’m not blinded by my own anger and fear.”

Fair enough.

My complete fury for him has died down a little–my life is basically the same here as it was there. Both are dangerous, both have tons of cats who want to stab me with serrated claws.

But, I mean, I’m still ready to use MY claws to destruct his eyes with unrelenting rage.

“Now you know what is left to do. Maybe I am wrong…maybe you are stuck here for eternity, and we’re just ready to make you are next victim after toying with your puny presence. But you won’t know unless you trust you naivety, for once.”

“Well, duh, I thought of that.” I sputter out. I’m real smooth when I want to say something or be recognized as snappy.

I turn away from them, surprised I’ve almost grown used to the killers who stare. If I can fit in here just so well, what’s the point of trying to stay away. I need their help, they haven’t killed me ye–

I see why now.

I close my eyes and clench my paws. I drown out their varying voices, some condescending, some discriminating and harsh.

After focusing for half a second I’m there. The night is full now, bring swarms of sullen shadows and a piercingly bright moon.

I’m free from them. Maybe I don’t need their help and I can just run away now, whenever I’m being chased or threatened just switch to up there.

But then they would be hunting me too. Each border of each realm will hold dangerous vengefulness engulfed in each cats’ souls.

And, besides, what’s the point of getting murdered if you don’t get anything out of it.

That’s the spirit.

I scan each tree and star and cloud once more, breathing in the familiar scents, then whip myself back to the land of shade and blasphemy.

And they’re waiting for me, as usual, in the same position, just ready to use me at one given moment.

So I step towards them.

———–

Now I know they’ll help me. They got what they wanted, so what’s to lose to fight along with me.

It’s time to set these plans in motions. It’s time to do something to get me away from the ones I betrayed. I’m guessing the Starclan cats are pacing the border now, claws out and eyes narrowed.

And what of Scarletfall. Leafkit. Are they safe…?

I shake my head to push the pessimistic thoughts away, trapping them in some already-packed cage of forgotten brutalities.

“Okay,” I start, “so how are we gonna do this?”

Tigerstar just answers with a crooked grin, and even his little devil-minions cackle grotesquely.

“Well, it’s easy my dear she-cat,” Tigerstar coos. “You need to be saved, and StarClan is your enemy. They will fight to see you dead. They have an army, we have an army…”

“We’re just going to have to go to war.”

Chapter 8

It’s just getting tiring these moments to be shocked by everything that comes out of this infamous criminal’s mouth.

First he agrees to help me, then he knows everything about me and what I am thinking. 

Then he says he wants me to die and join them.

Kills me.

Now he wants to out me in a war with those who I am trying to avoid conflict with?

Okay, now I’m sure he’s just rat-poop crazy and unusual. I guess being stuck here all these years and returning wouldn’t leave you normal and unscarred.

“Wait…uh…you want me to start FIGHTING?!” My voice cracks under confusion as I step toward him. It’s hard to notice there is never a moon or stars or sun here. It’s just like…darkness. Darkness with a slight glow so I’m not stumbling around insanely.

But this place is just death.

And now I am a part of it. Fighting with it. Trusting it.

“Of course, Heatherfire, how else will you get rid of your problems?” 

One of Tigerstar’s goons. An evil, off-putting voice like in all the horror stories I was ever told to as a kit. These are those who I should shy away from. Never go near, never trust, never become.

Broken rule, broken rule, completely broken rule.

“Goldenleaf is right. You couldn’t have possibly thought we would just find them all, kill them all, and save you one tiny cat from hundreds of others? Who made you so important, Heatherfire.” Tigerstar tilts his head, body in line with the cloud of his goons…in line with a cloud of dark rain in the sky.

“My SELFFISH, GREEDY CONSCIENCE!” I snap, starting to feel pressurized from everything going on. I used to be able to organize my thoughts into random, pessimistic, naivë, dark and happy. Now it’s just a jumble of every emotion. A scattered mix, combined into the bomb of my body.

“I see. Well your selfish, greedy conscience will have to do some work, too.”

With that, he turns away, already bounding across the desolate land of creepiness with his mixture of followers. I’m left alone, thinking, thinking, unknowing and just… Dealing with it all.

The work he means will get blood on my paws. That’s inevitable.

And this is my choice. I chose to come here, follow them, join them. Each decision throws me down a darker path. I’m losing myself inside this place.

And now, as I take my next steps to go after them all, my former soul is finally gone to dust.

———

The walk there is uncomfortably comfortable. I’m getting used to it here. Instead of paying the price I add to it.

I find them all discussing battle plans in an aggressive group. Some are showing new, violent moves to the others, practicing them on each other and proving why they belong here. The moves I learned would be a mouse’s defence against anything here.

Tigerstar is talking to a few cats–ones that stand out from the rest of the group. His own little personal team of commanders and killers.

They all seem so prepared. Ready for war. Like they knew this was happening, so training and battle would be imminent.

Eh, I basically have nothing to lose. They’re the Dark Forest cats, of course THEY will be ready to fight at every second.

Just get them to guard me, and things’ll go swell. 

“Ah, Heatherfire, come join us.” Tigerstar beckons. All of the trusted cats in his little group turn their heads to look at me and grow silent. I’m the outcast here. I’m the good in the bad, the light in the dark.

Well, not really. More like a very dim, greyish glow in the hazy black.

“We are discussing every detail. When shall we attack, who, how, what moves do we use…how many do we kill?”

“Those are all such sadistic questions you crazies.” I chuckle dry and bitterly. No one else laughs.

“Anyways, we are thinking tomorrow. I persona–”

I stop him there. Still shocked by what comes outta his gross mouth. “Tomorrow! Are you insane? The last time I fought was when I was a kit with my prim older sister! I am not ready, and doubt I will be for a while. Look, I get that you all love slicing and murder-death stuff, but I still have a tinge of GOOD left in me. And since this battle is all about ME, shouldn’t I decide what happens? Aren’t I the leader?”

Wow. All my bottled uneasiness and anger and suspicion just spews out now.

All four–five, including the humongous Tigerstar–stare at me coldly. They all could just attack now. Why not? I’m a thousand-snake-lengths across the line. I couldn’t run fast enough to escape their claws…I couldn’t scream loud enough for anyone to hear me…

“No.” Simple enough, Tigerstar just breaks it down for me.

“You’re just a puny cat facing all of us. Tigerstar is immortal, he commands us, so you will follow everything he or we say, or you’ll be more dead than you already are.” That horrid Goldenleaf announces.

Oh yeah. I’m dead. Sometimes I forget that.

“…Fine. I’ll let you rascals lead me, I’ll do what you say and fight in the battle I began. But you don’t own me and if I need to go away I will. I’m keeping what resistance and grouchiness I have left of me and you won’t break me.” I nod proudly.

We’re getting into the drama now. Here is the part in the kit stories where there is a fight. The underdog struggles and barely wins, saving the day, ending the adventurous tale.

That type of story isn’t fitting here.

“So…what do we have to plan or do now? I guess you all got the little details in check…WITHOUT ME.”

Tigerstar pads over to my side and forcibly veers me around some giant, thick, dark trees. We turn past the circular corner of one, and there I see the growth-barren clearing packed to the brim with snarling, fighting, deadly cats in training. 

“You start here. Go battle them.” He whispers in my ear.

“You mean…”

“Battle them. All of them.”

Chapter 9

Nope. I won’t be surprised. This is hardly big news compared to everything else this fox-heart has told me.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to protest.

“Are you KIDDING ME?!” I yowl, wide-eyed and shaking. My skin crawls, my bones burn. I glare at him, unafraid, and continue on with anger. “You want ME to face a team of dozens of highly trained, murderous, freaky-faced killers that could beat me in half a second? If you WANT me to be killed, why don’t you just hit me across the throat again, you psycho!”

“My, my, Heatherfire. You’re quite more feisty and stupid than I knew. At least you’re pretty…” He caresses my face with a huge paw, bringing me to gag. “None of them are going to kill you, this is just training. In the battle, you will be the most targeted one. You ruined everything for them and they will all try to get to YOU. We will be protecting you for the most part, but if they do get to you you must know how to fight nonetheless against a large group. But…as long as you LISTEN to us…and follow every rule, you’ve done good so far?”

I’ve never even met this creep. But, knowing he has brain issues, he probably says very disconnected things. I’ll let this oddness pass.

Yet again, he may have brain issues, but he’s way too smart now it’s just getting condescending. I have nothing good to feel about here, my life is on the line every moment when all I wanted was safety. I don’t ENJOY being toyed with.

“So, go ahead little cat, go try your hardest on them all.” One of Tigerstar’s commanders hisses.

Well I’ll show them.

I start prancing over sassily and get ready to fight. Shade erupts onto my fur, the frosty breeze swaying it. They wait for me in lines, vicious and hungry.

The first blow makes me look like an ugly idiot.

The second starts to hurt.

The third I can’t get up from the ground.

——–

It’s a struggle to recover while they’re all fine…standing there watching me as I’m low on the forest floor, bleeding, broken.

Why did he make me do this? Both he and I and every other soul here knew I would just fail, get brutally defeated and humiliated. Was this some test? Some way to surprise me with more of Tigerstar’s craziness? Were they just making fun of me before flinging me out into a war?

Hadn’t they had enough cruel games in their lifetimes?

The she-cat I was spoken too from before padded up to me stoically. A bunch of Tigerstar’s trusted group followed her and I realized she was one of them. Goldenleaf…

That pretty little demonkit. 

“Get up weakling. You need more training, you won’t make a good warrior here if you get beaten so easily.”

I glare at her and shoo away all the sneering cats. I struggle to my paws, sore and groaning, and stare up at the lightless sky. Then as I start to move forward–advancing on more pain and discomfort in the form of attackers–something stops me.

I ram into it and instantly go toppling backwards. “HEY!” I snarl, angry at whoever pushed me down. They would get a piece of my mind. They would be annihilated. 

But then I see there is no cat there. The whole area in front of me is just a settle of confused cats. None of them stepped out to do this to me. They all expected a weak attack.

They got an even weaker fail.

I must have just oddly tripped.

I grunt and get back up. Move forward. Ignore the mockery.

And then it’s like a sharp wall that bumps into me, causing me to stumble back quickly.

There’s nothing there.

Nothing there I can see. 

So what stopped me?

I fume.

“Hmm, it’s soon than I thought.” Tigerstar pads up mystically. He must see things I don’t, probably in a blood-red-and-death perspective.

“Care to explain?” I say in a petty voice.

He glares at me, respectedly, and then calls everyone over. He is the emperor and they are slaves, ready to do his bidding.

And I…well I’m just the little bug splatter caught in this all.

“It’s much sooner than I thought. The boundaries between good and evil are shifting, pulling her along with it. The rules are strong…too strong for any of us.”

“Can you stop talking all mysteriously and explain for once?” I snap.

“Shush!” Goldenleaf scolds me and stares at Tigerstar, eyes hungry. The other three of his trustees watch, too.

Tigerstar goes on. “Heatherfire, as stupid and selfish as you are, you are still a good cat. You have light in your soul that overwhelms the darkness–”

“–kind of,” Goldenleaf defends, and I sharpen my claws on the ground, preparing her death scene in my mind. 

Tigerstar blabs on. “And for that, you should be in Starclan. But since you are here, with us and on the wrong side of the border, it was only a small amount of time before you would slowly be pulled back. Your destiny is there, with those who hunt you, and unless we destroy them all first, you’ll be dead.”

Wow. That was a lot to take in. Supposedly, he’s saying that each minute goes by and I’m slowly being forced to go back there. I can’t go farther into the dark territory, I can only be pulled out the light.

Supposedly.

“Well I think that is just a load of–”

I take a step toward him and smack dead-on into the line of solidity. My face crunches up, my limbs locked.

He’s right.

We only have hours.

Which means that stopping them will have to be…

“Everyone prepare. We leave immediately.”

“No. No! I’m not ready and you know it. I-I-I need more training and you have to let me and DON’T STOP ME TIGERSTAR!” I’m heating up, a ball of furiousness and fire.

He ignores me as usual and turns to his little squad. I hear him whisper each of their names–Goldenleaf, Blossomstrike, Fallenfoot, Lionpounce–and they snap up to attention hungrily. He is the deadliest cat here and owns warriors that will tear me to pieces if he says anything. Why do I trust him?

“This is all rushed, I’ve been here like two minutes! You’re planning a worldwide war between light and dark, and it takes you TWO MINUTES?!” I screech. “How? What? That is literally sos stupid and impossible I can’t even SAY enough to make you understand what this–”

He slaps me with his tail, harder than I would have WANTED.

I shudder and frown, sticking my tongue out at him childishly.

“You better not let him see you do that,” a large silver-and-white tabby she-cat snickers as she pads by. I’m not offended or annoyed…but SUPRISED.

She spoke almost KINDLY. Like she had some shred of bright soul left somewhere in her. Like she had the potential to be a someone, a someone who wasn’t a murderous separatist. A freakish rogue or a….bunch of bad words.

She winks and floats off away, gone before she even arrived. And then Tigerstar takes over with his shadowy voice.

“I will be setting out with my four commanders right now. You eight come with me,” he swishes his tail to a few snarling Warriors, “and Heatherfire. Come now, but stay behind us.” He demands nonchalantly, if that’s possible for that guy.

And I only wince and drag myself to follow.

How could we go NOW? I’ve literally been with dead cats and Clan cats my whole life, now I am a part of a killer squad that would be going to war…

“Now.” I whisper, staring down at the ground as I trail after Goldenleaf and the Fallenfoot cat. I see the silver she-cat in this group too, and I hope her personality is as nice as she seemed. My hopes are high, my anger towards all this rushed darkness here grasping at a shred of faith. And all of that faith lies in HERE, I cat I haven’t even said a word to.

But then I go back to fretting.

I am going to be throwing my life out into the sky just to fight…fight for myself. This was all for me in the end, and my selfish pleas to stay alive at any cost. I failed. I’m dead and basically stuck here, because if I choose to leave I will be killed by any and every cat.

I sparked a war that revolves around me.

I am the hunted, the hated and the horrified.

I broke every world.

If I have time, I might as well try to save them.

I don’t have time.

Chapter 10

I really don’t have time.

We march through the pines in an orderly yet deadly fashion. Tigerstar leads, undoubtedly, and his four henchman are enclosing me in a fierce circle of protection. The silver she-cats ahead, and my gaze lies unmoving on her.

I have many thougths in my mind. I sigh and rub a paw to my face when we stop for a small break, massaging my eyes and forehead. Oddly enough I have time to rest…

I’m surprised these cats would allow such…kindness.

Though I hardly would consider it that.

But I do have many things to consider. And now is probably best and only time, moments before I go rushing into battle and face my death head on.

I will be unsafe. But I’m not un-sorry. All I have done these last few days (if it has been days; time in the Dark Forest seems to be a melded span of torture, and last I knew it was two minutes) has been part of a twisty ride of pain and suffering and screw-ups and confusion.

And now it’s my time to be depressed. I’ve pushed it aside to be snarky and befuddled at these weirdos long enough, and this moment I am changed. I am weakened. Chained to my prison of sadness and stupidity.

So let me be a pessimist.

——–

Scarletfall.

I realize how much I miss her completely now. She was all I ever had that made me want to…live. I loved my mother, my sister was…noticeable (Blegh).

But she was what pushed me to go on. Her kindness and perception and her adorable little offspring.

Now I am against her. I know she won’t fight me; kind souls don’t break, but I know she can’t just sit aside. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d changed sides and grown to see me as the traitor.

“…Hurry Heatherfire!” Lionpounce hissed violently into my ear. I realize I’d collapsed into a deep-thinking ball of coldness, lying in the shade of a shuddering tree and putting distance between myself and the rest of them.

I don’t fit in.

I’m the outcast in every situation.

For now.

“What…oh, yeah, coming.” I meow nonchalantly.

A glare is earned.

And suddenly hits the piercing burst of air that flies me forward across the ground, throwing me into the large Tom and crashing us both to the ground.

The “invisi-barrier of goodness” has struck fast.

“It’s gaining,” Tigerstar announces as he pads up to a sprawling mess.

Pain shoots through my body as I regain myself and try to grab hold of reality. 

But the on-end Lionpounce with claws out captures my attention.

He circles me, antagonized and daring, creating a million possibilities in his head that involve dangerous ways to kill me.

“You ATTACKED me!” He screams angrily. “You’re a no good traitor and goody-girl. Tigerstar, let’s shred her! We never should have trusted her, I knew it.”

“How unprofessional.” I scold with a crooked grin, but my confusion mounts. They talk as if they know me…I guess they and StarClan have been watching over us for years.

Woah. The creepiness of that scene overturns my mind; a revolutionary picture.

Tigerstar “Tigerstares” at me (ha, dry laugh at that one) and silences me harshly. Beckoning Blossomstrike and the once-again-appearing silver she-cat (who seems to have an interest in me: oh great) to calm the giant down.

“He sometimes gets riled up,” the silver tabby says…kindly. Again.

I’m so confused.

Can anyone in this place say something kindly? Would they?

Another train of thought lost as Tigerstar whisks away to gather everyone.

We leave soon.

This isn’t some fun trip or exciting mission.

This is a war. A bloody and deafening war. Battle, burns, bruises and bones.

I’ve never fought in my life besides as an apprentice. Sparrowsong was a great mentor, her passing away always haunted me. That was when grumpy old Gooseheart would lighten the day. Then Bluestream and her boy-mate would break it.

My mother just off moping somewhere.

And I only remembered it now. I’m such a heartless and petty cat I forgot about those who mattered to me. Heck, where the Starclan is my mom? 

Bluestream can burn.

But my mom. 

I’m losing everybody left and right, and now the only cats I know are those who are probably plotting to kill me.

———

I could blame everything on them.

But then I couldn’t.

It was my idiotic and paranoia-fuelled decision to just randomly come here. I don’t know what I was wishing for. That a band of killers and monsters could possibly help me? Why couldn’t I have tried to make amends with those I wronged. Apologize for my mistakes and misuse of my power.

In hindsight (foresight, too) it’s all because I’m a coward. A cheating, whiny, conniving little rat. A rat coward. A cowrat.

And there’s no real excuse to defy that. I am who I am, and who I am is not what I want to be.

More confusion. But this confusion makes sense. Somehow.

But just like every heroic little storytime session with my elders, there is a lesson to be learned.

Every villain can be redeemed.

(The Dark Foresters excluded).

Every mistake can be fixed.

(But some just cut too deep…)

And every wrong person can forgive the delusional antiheroe.

(But in this case, I don’t know if that’s ever going to happen…)

—–

I snap out of every thought and retain my slipping memory all at once, all together when we reach the place.

The wavy, glittering border floats, all sticky in front of the fourteen of us. It widens out across the line we’re in, like a flaming white scar on tattered pelts.

Which will come soon after the battle.

Behind us, I can hear the reinforcements.

The ranks of demolishers ready to do their hobby. Killing is fun, killing is natural, killing is life. Whee!

But for me, the shoving boundary is gaining swiftly behind and I can feel it. I can feel good pulling me, yet the taut bond grows weaker every moment I speak to Tigerstar.

“This is it. Everyone ready?” Tigerstar booms. Somehow he manages to be suspenseful and villainy in every word. Using short, surprising sentences works I suppose. Deep voice, dark words, some combinations are just terror to begin with.

“Ahem,” I protest–quite thoughtfully. “Don’t I get to choose if I’m ready or not?” 

“Hush and be a good little soldier,” Goldenleaf snickers. Lionpounce glares, Fallenfoot fairs, Blossomstrike licks her lips. 

And then back to the fluffy Goldenleaf, tramping along.

Oh, how I have wanted to demolish her face since the first moment she spoke.

“She has a point…” The silver she-cat whispers. And now I can’t stop staring at her, noticing things. 

Oh, how I have wanted to know her name since the first moment she spoke. Name, past…how she manages to be slightly good…

Tigerstar just looks on, readying for battle and dawning his strengths on him.

“Now. This is something we have all dreamt about for a long time. It’s finally happened. Things went according to plan…”

I’m sorry. Did Tigerstar just…say…

“Now, remember what I told you all. Remember how I said this would go. All seems to be on track, so just follow my orders and don’t be merciful on any of them. Congratulations, my Warriors, we are almost done our ultimate goal.”

“Wait wait wait wait.” I stop his speech and interrupt the pep-talk. “How are we going to get over there? Isn’t this border meant to be like an impenetrable wall that stops you from going killer-mode on them? Why does this all fit together so horrendously well? How are you supposed to…”

Oh.

Oh No.

A jagged smile from him; “We chose well. You really are a good little soldier girl.”

I can’t anymore.

“You broke the hole in the border when you transported outside and returned in. You were able to come in…for many reasons. But in the end, Heatherfire, we must all thank you.”

I have destroyed everything.

“You made it possible for us to kill Starclan eternally.”

Chapter 11

Tigerstar killed me not because he wanted me join their creepy cult, but because he knew if I returned back in to the Forest there would be a ragged opening where I broke through. Crossing over could be arranged. There would be a way for them to reach Starclan, and to spark the war. 

The dark could be dark.

He used me as a pawn to kill. He was right when he called me stupid. I’ve been subconsciously ignoring the facts. I have denied that something was wrong, and accepted that things could ever work out for me. “Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead.”

I thought that I could actually find trustworthy partners for my quest to stay alive in killers and warmongers and abusers and thieves.

I gave myself up to the Dark Forest in more ways than I ever knew.

This had been planned from the start. None of this is spur of the moment, none of this is just them helping me for the sake of getting another member. Why would I even accept that when there were mounds of them crammed together into one heap?

What use am I, besides the most wanted killer that could unknowingly start a war?

I was used.

I’m a weapon of war.

And now I’ll never be able to fix things.

——–

Our tactic is to be a shadow troupe of assasins, striking out across the clearing of Starclan’s camp at all sides and raging things on. How intricately nauseating.

The sad truth is that this seems so easy. By the time we’ve broken through the barrier of forest, the Starclan of cats are only a bit worried. They sense a disturbance. A dark force.

They sense us.

And yet we still have our stealth.

I started off thinking we rushed in blindly, at the flick of an eye. But this has been a year-long-plan. Just a quick, easy start when the dumb likes of me strolled in.

Tigerstar shushes the mumbling Warriors, addressing us all with the glare of an eye. 

“Like we discussed.”

And that’s all.

There must have been a lot of discussion.

Like I’ve found out now, right before a battle with those I loved.

Make sure I know the past tense…

With the thousand billion doubts that choke over my mind still strong, I slowly creep to the back of my group of attackers. The farther I get away from this the better.

But I’ll never truly escape.

They all snap out their claws eagerly, gnashing strong jaws. I pull out my wobbly paw and squint across the light.

Their camp is so bright.

That never happened to me before. I used to love the light. Now, I’ve grown so use to shadows and storms in a few hours that this seems blinding.

I’ve changed, or the world around me has changed. Knowing what’s happened now, I would guess both.

I hear bushes rustle. My mind wanders farther, picturing the old days with the peaceful camp of shiny beauty. Such a clear image, it would take me months to describe.

I look up to see I’m alone in this shady bush den.

The battle has started, and I’ve completely blanked out of it.

Gosh, I’m pretty dumb now.

I guess I’d fit right in with the Dark Forest then.

Ha, snarky. You’re so dark, Heatherfire” is my blunt final thought before plunging my body out through the glittery trees. 

I arrive to a raging death scene.

In half a beat, Blossomstrike dabs her ragged claws across the throat of a tall warrior I once knew. Flameheart was her name. I only ever spoke to her once but she was kinder than an angelic saviour.

Now she was a mangled corpse about to fade.

And yet my emotion’s gone.

————-

I turn to scan the rest of the battle. I already see bodies fall, then disappear in a puff of hazy mist, going to the place where no one knew.

Yet there’s only two things I search for.

Scarletfall. Leafkit.

Please let them live.

Please let me die.

I shake my head and stare at every dark ginger body I see. Even though it’s pointless, I look for a bouncing bundle weaving through shifting paws of Warriors.

Pfft, like a kit would be in a rising war.

But then my mind goes: it’s the Dark Forest you’re dealing with. They’re probably facing off with kits this moment, taunting them with their stinky jaws. 

And I clench my paw, narrowing my eyes at the sweeping shape of Tigerstar, mowing down innocents. Screams echo by my ears, and the next thing I feel is a rushing force of muscles bowling me down.

And the flying shape of a snarling cat goes right over my head.

Whoever just tackled me saved my life.

And of course it’s no other than that silver she-cat, stupid kindness glowing off her.

“Tell me your name!” I demand, voice rising over the chaos. She better answer me or I WILL NOT BE CALM.

I sense a tantrum with a tsunami of memories and emotions pulling on, so she better hurry.

“Silversand,” the she-cat obeys, gruffly getting to her paws. She gives a fierce look at the cat who just tried to derail me–one of Wrenstar’s supporters, of course. It’s odd to see them…

Silversand grabs my paws and heaves me up. I glance at her, confused. “I-I’m Heatherfire…well duh. Uh… I have a question?”

“Now?” She tilts her head, drawing my eyes to the bloody skirmish boiling over at the moment.

I don’t know why I find it easy to blot out.

Well, because I focus on myself. ‘Cause I’m a selfish, hypocritical sociopath.

“Yeah. Now. So why are you so freaking nice and helpful and a super different weirdo compared to the rest of them?” I almost said is. I almost included myself in their ranks.

I couldn’t be anything near Tigerstar.

But…

“I don’t know what you mean,” she turns away, searching for enemies. In the corner of the camp, we’re safe for now. She has time to talk to me. 

“Of course you do. When I talk to you you don’t passive-aggressively plot ways to snap my neck. And you just helped me. Helped me. Since when do big bad killers HELP their comrades? Since when do killers be so nice and attractive and hey do I find you so perfect and what am I FEELING!?”

I shut my mouth.

She looks at me, a moment giving away a vulnerable look in her eye. A look that most cats in the Dark Forest would keep hidden away, giving to only a few friends they…trusted.

I quickly hassle away, the air taut with tension and awkwardness.

And suddenly two vicious cats grab me and throw me down, taking my breath and screwing up my face.

The suddenness leaves me shocked, and I don’t know how to react or what to think before they’re holding me against the ground, burning my legs. Silversand is off with her own battles…yet I can’t stop worrying about her. The one good cat in the ranks of my dark friends…

Much less than myself, of course.

My thoughts are a jumble of: run Scarletfall death fight help Tigerstar Wrenstar who what save escape powers– 

Powers.

The thought crosses my head as I look up, look across the entire battlefield.

Scarletfall. Scarletfall and Leafkit, hiding in a bramble bush, eyes giant with horror, staring at me emotionally.

And in front of them is a bounding, running, gaining Wrenstar, going a straight line through the clump of mauling cats.

Coming straight towards me.

Gaining on the kill.

I gurgle out a scream, trying to lift myself up and run, but their grips are too strong. Their hot breath explodes on my face, their grim snarls piercing.

And each second, Wrenstar gains, looking stronger, faster, deadlier, angrier.

His claws are wide out, face contorted with rage.

I struggle blindly, yowling and convulsing, thrashing.

And finally, that stupid nagging thought returns to my mind in a form of a saviour.

Powers.

I slow my breath, unsure how I am able to.

The only way to live is to run. Be a coward. Escape.

Leave behind the last of those I love.

So I:

Clench.

And I:

Close.

Then I:

Focus.

And nothing happens.

Chapter 12

Searing, scalding, unbelievable pain erupts through my body the moment Wrenstar bounds into me.

Claws draw scarlet liquid.

Jaws take skin from bone.

And all air that keeps me breathing is knocked away, whimpering out into the sky.

My screams are more ragged and hard now; the glint in Wrenstar’s eyes only grows crueler. His Warriors shove me down stronger, cracking my bones. My body gets buried in suffering.

Seconds longer and I would be dead.

But of course the feared and the ferocious, Tigerstar the strong rips him off me, flinging across the musty clearing.

He calls out a growl, and seconds later the two trembling Starclanners that hold me have blood pooling by their neck, backs facing the everlasting sun. 

“That was close.” Silversand appears and offers to help me up. She was one of the cats Tigerstar summoned…she just murdered someone in cold blood.

Can I really trust her after all?

I slap her paw away, mumbling, and stand up to face Tigerstar.

“How did you get here so fast?” I question.

“I suspected as much, you would be his first target of course. You never changed, did you, Wrenstar?” A snooty chuckle that gives me the urge to grab a pawful of soot and SHOVE IT UP HIS NOSE.

Without ever turning he knows Wrenstar is staggering to get balance, glowering at him with bloodied lips and ears.

“Neither did you, thief.” 

“Wait, who stole what?” I bubble condescendingly.

The look they both give me is much too similar, all at once. The other battle screeches drown out, it is just us now. Silversand backs away.

“You succeeded in ruining something special,” Wrenstar concluded.

“No one ruined me, you hog!” I protest.

“I wasn’t talking about you. It’s never about YOU. It’s what you have, Heatherfire. Or, had…”

A gloomy silence.

And my boiling point has boomed.

“For once in my MOUSEREARED death can someone EXPLAIN what the freak you’re talking about? I’m tired of being used, as always, by your stupid sides. How about you tell me why I’m so freaking important and who ruined what and WHAT. IS. GONE?!”

Wrenstar and Tigerstar stare at each other, the battle now stopped, the bodies now multiplied.

All focus is on us, the three of us. No matter what side they are on, what wrong’s and what revenges they have, each cat stops their devilish death-wars…and watch.

They circle us eagerly.

Their hungry eyes feast on the scene.

Silversand backs out fully now, and a familiar face pops up behind her.

Two more follow.

My friends and my family–mother, who I don’t have the time or strength to freak about, now that she’s dead–are watching.

And any moment I could die.

“You haven’t told her a thing. Typical.” Wrenstar throws out to Tigerstar. “I knew you would use her, since the first moment you stole her, but not even a hint, Tigerstar?”

“You never helped me, either. Besides, she was much more efficient, and as obedient as she is capable, this way.”

The confusion only mounts, more of my anger spilling out.

Tears are falling, and I don’t know why. I don’t know the “why” of anything now.

The stress of this upper-realm is greater than anything I’ve experienced. I had myself being delusional to expect peace and tranquility here…

But it’s a forever-bearing conflict.

“Please…” I beg. “Just explain.” 

And they do.

———

“From the start you were never normal,” Tigerstar takes hold of the audience. “As a kit you would disappear, and both of our sides could see you.”

“You would always appear in the middle. In the gray area, between our sides. You weren’t in any of the Clans, you weren’t a real member of something.” Wrenstar wistfully put. “You were just there, a young kit.”

“And at that moment, I knew you were useful. So we stole you.”

Gasps shudder through the crowd, whether good or bad. Only the emperors and leaders and queens knew the real motives. Only they knew how important I was.”

“Stole me from where…I’ve lived in Shadowclan my whole life.”

“Or so you think…” Wrenstar mystically meows. My eyes roll.

“Born outside of the Clans, the daughter of a mangy loner, you were only a moon old when we stole you. We at least have you some sort of life, Heatherfire…”

Whether I wanted it or not.

“What….NO!” I won’t allow this. Not now. I can’t have anything more shocking…

“It’s true, dear,” Mother croaks. She steps out of the gathering, giving me looks of love and care.

But I shake my head in doubt. I won’t believe what’s wrong.

And everything right now is wrong.

“A band of me and my most trusted, yes, the four you have met, went on a highly rare mission to your world. We took you in the night, and the day later your mother gave birth. We threw you in, the second kit…” Tigerstar drones.

The unwanted fake kit.

“And you grew up there.”

“How could you LIE to me all this time!” I screech to her, whipping around.

Mother flinches and recoils, her feelings a mix of lust for the days I respected her–when I never truly did–and the times when things were simple.

“I’m sorry honey, they made me promise. They’d kill me if I exposed…”

And the silencing stare Tigerstar gives her is enough to make her disappear into the crowd.

I’m not done with her, but for now I’ll have to be. If I ever had a morsel of respect for that cat, it was burnt now.

“Why…why would you DO that to me?” I say, unbelieving, wide-eyed, letting more tears drop.

“Because. From the very start, from the moment we stole you, you were always going to be our soldier. Our trained warrior.”

And the confusion climbs, impossibly.

Wrenstar shakes his head sorrowfully whilst Tigerstar moves on.

“We had to be patient. It would take time, but each one of us in the Dark Forest knew that one day you would return. One day you would come, and that moment you did, war would start. No matter how you came or when, we knew that whatever action you did would spark a battle. You CREATED this war for us, Heatherfire. Coming to us was the worst decision YOU ever made. Coming to us got both your home-worlds to despise you, and the only true dark home to love you. Your mistake SAVED us, Hetaherfire, and you will always–

“SHUT UP. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUTUP!” I cry, kneeling down and putting paws over my ears. My tears are painfully squeezed out with each scream.

My life is a lie, my world is a fake, everything I am is wrong.

“You were always meant to be dark, Heatherfire!” Tigerstar yowls over my screeches, making me feel the pressure and the pain. “We had never done anything to take a kit before, but over the years we planned everything, and you were our subject.”

“You are the darkest one in any world, Heatherfire.” Wrenstar whispers.

“We knew you couldn’t keep your secret that long. We watched you, waiting and waiting, and that moment when it finally came out… You started a war. A war for us, a war where once we killed you, you could come in again, and you could get us our passageway to kill Starclan forever. That’s all you were ever used for, Heatherfire,” his tone becomes cruel. “You’re just a useless player that got us to what we have always wanted: to kill them. Otherwise….you’re nothing.”

Silence falls.

———

“Why…would you….tell me all of this.” I whisper raggedly.

The whole clearing is a wind-blown, quiet camp. Everything they said is still being processed…

Yet I’ll never truly understand.

“Why did I have to go through all of this…why couldn’t you have just killed me. Why? Why?! WHY?!”

“You’ve run your course for us, Heatherfire. While I may be some petrified villain, a horror to all, I would at least let a cat know their history…their quiet parts in the world…”

“Before I kill them.”

Chapter 13: The Finale

His first step is soft and quiet, while I process what he says.

His second is a vicious lunge, outstretching through the glimmer, pouncing towards me, ready to end my life–

And a shape crashes into him, knocking him brutally to the ground.

I’m shaking as I turn, slowly getting to my paws to see both former leaders head to head.

“If anyone will kill her, it’ll be me,” Wrenstar snarls.

Right here and right now, there is no light and dark. No good nor evil.

Just cats who want to kill.

Me.

They’re fighting each other not for the better of all, but to see who gets to murder me as a prize.

“I guess you’ll have to be first!” Tigerstar threatens, and he swiftly throws Wrenstar onto the rocky ground.

He’s on his paws in the blink of an eye, dangerously beating the leader down and down, harder and harder.

Cats are screaming bets and hopes in the background, I hear Scarletfall pulling my mom away, somehow. Everything is even more rushed, things are quickly breaking down, the battle restarts.

Cats jump at each other, once enemies, then joined together as bystanders, now murderous nemesis again.

War spins around me; I stand alone.

But yet I still go forward, blocking any other distraction out.

Tigerstar’s eyes are down, focused on his repeating claws shoving up and down, slicing, striking.

My ears ring.

The light dies.

My strength grows.

And I leap.

——

Tigerstar delivers one hardy blow before I’m on him. My claws gripping onto his back ferociously my jaws spitting blood and saliva as they sink deep into his skin, rage overcoming.

Everything is a blur, it’s all blotted out.

All that he told me, revealed. All that I am and thought I was come rushing out from my veins. The lies and fakes, the betrayal, all my anger and revenge goes through my strikes, taking it out on the horrid master,one behind it all.

The architect of my falseness.

All the lies and hurt and betrayal and pawning.

Behind me as I push, stab, bite, scream, chew, kick.

And then there’s a grievous mess beneath me paws.

I killed him. I killed Tigerstar. I killed the dark in the split of a second.

I killed the lies.

——–

They’ll never truly be gone, but what I can do is enough.

I don’t wipe my claws off or do anything, I just turn around.

To the shocked and shaking faces of the light and dark, no longer switching sides as enemies, but once again standing in puzzlement.

A hundred of them on one side.

Me on the other.

Yet time goes with silence and the thought of the battle, of everything.

Separated we stand.

——-

After a while cats break apart, the weight settling in. The good rush over to Wrenstar, on the brink of death, with loads of medicine cats at high-speed.

The dark gather and murmur.

I stand alone in the clearing. Scarletfall, Leafkit, Mother.

They won’t talk to me.

I’m on my own.

To my surprise, while I’m still in a stunned processing phase, Wrenstar staggers up beside me.

“You killed one of the most powerful Warriors.”

And suddenly I remembered. “Wait….oh no….he had a curse. He-he can come back whenever someone kills him?!”

He silenced her softly. “That curse only worked in the place he basically came from. He’s only ever died in the dark forest, except the first time. And that was when his curse started. Here, he is in a new side, a side where he shouldn’t be. It’s against the rules of this overworld, so when he dies here, he dies forever. You broke the curse and ended his reign of tyranny, Heatherfire.”

Thank everything! I roll my eyes at myself.

“But I belonged here…and my powers didn’t work.”

“That’s much more confusing.” He starts and I sigh. “You see, you may have not belonged to the Dark Forest…originally.” My attention sparks. “But that was where you died. The first place you go to when you die for your power is originally where you can continue doing it. The first place you went when alive was Starclan, here, so you could always go back and forth. When you were younger and tried to go back down there from the Dark forest, it wouldn’t succeed.”

“Oh, I get it…” I lie. I can do without more suspicion and weirdness for now. Enough has happened these last few days, enough rushing has brought death. 

“Yet that isn’t all. Now that you have come here, the wrong place, your power is gone forever. It won’t return once you go back to the Dark Forest just like it wouldn’t return if you came back here if you went there when you were younger.”

“What do you mean go back there? I’m not…I belong here…I…”

“I’m sorry, Heatherfire.” He shakes his head, and I know it’s all ’bout to be ruined. “You brought war here. Whether you were supposed to or not, whether it was planned or forced, you still took the darkest thing and planted it on our grounds. And for that…you can no longer stay here. Starclan is not your home, and never will be. Sorry, I truly am…but you must leave. Forever.”

And without freaking out, without crying or begging or killing or protesting…

I get up.

And I walk away from him.

But the moment I reach a terrified Scarletfall, I break down completely.

Tears are flying as I gasp up to her and Leafkit and Mother.

“W-what do I do now? I have nowhere and nothing and all is lies and–”

“You have us.” The quiet voice adds. I turn around slowly…

And there is Silversand, meshes in with ranks upon ranks of the dirty, the demonic and the deadly.

“You may not have life, nor Starclan…but you still have the dark.”

And somehow, I can comprehend.

“You killed our leader. No one has ever been strong or bereaved enough to do so. You are skilled and great and…Heatherfire. You may have had enough shadows and falseness and confused destiny for a lifetime…but join us and you can mend. You can finally find a home and a destiny, even if it isn’t the one you’ve always wanted.”

If I doubted who she was before, I truly know what she’s capable of now.

Of being good.

Too much to think about.

I turn to Scarletfall for help.

“You’re dead to me…” She whispers, and my mother pads away.

Leafkit stops bouncing.

It’s all over in a second

Silversand beckons, all of the Dark Forest cats looking eager or shocked.

“Then I guess this is goodbye,” I end, and rise to my paws carefully.

I’ve known her my whole life. So many me,pries, joys and triumphs. Everything I did with my best friend, all is gone and I can’t change that.

So I accept it.

The light shines through the silhouetted tress onto my face as I cross the clearing. To my left is Wrenstar, Starclan, the home I’ll never have, those who will never welcome me.

Behind me is my broken past, my former best friend, my fake mother and a load of lies. Back there is my power, now gone forever. The whole basis of my life, why I was chosen to be what I now am, gone so swiftly like it was never a thing.

And in front of me is a destiny, a hope, buried in the darkness.

From the moment they took me I was one of them, just disguised as something else for the large part of my life.

For all I’ve been through, this is where I have always meant to be, whether I wanted to or not.

I am the pessimist. I am the naivë. I am the used, the pawn and the war machine.

I was the living dead.

Now I am the dead.

We leave their territory forever, the stars closing behind us. And I, the new queen of the shadows, the new horrified villain, the new ruler of the fearless, hungry monsters, I finally accept something as the truth:

I belong.

The End. 

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