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Episode 1, Season 7 of War.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS HAVE STUCK WITH ME SO LONG. I mean, I CAN, but you all reading this are great. Without you, I would be that one chick who wrote 70 episodes of a show no one read and everyone would pity me. I would be a...crazy cat lady. I'll just leave now...
The Awkward Phase[]
Something is poking me in the side. Repeatedly. There's a stereotype that parents become lighter sleepers with kits, and I suppose that might be true. If I heard one of my children screaming or something I would be up and ready in a heartbeat. But if it's not an emergency...well, sleep is something of a commodity.
Groaning, I open my eyes to see blue eyes looking nervously at me. My mother's blue eyes. Morningkit's blue eyes. The soft morning light shines through the cracks in our new den- we got a small den away from the Barracks while the kits grew up a little. It's been a moon since the kits were born, and it's been a moon since I've been out in the field. It's...different.
"Yes, Morningkit?" I yawn and she patiently waits for me to finish. "What is it?"
She shifts her tiny paws, looking worried. I kind of want to laugh, but she's so...fragile. The thought of my kit being nervous about whatever she's about to tell me when I've faced death down countless times...it's kind of adorable. "It's Wrenkit and Breezekit."
I close my eyes, sighing. I should have stayed asleep. "Where did they go this time?"
"They just wanted to go hunting..." Morningkit bounces a little, her natural kit energy shown through her unusual thoughtfulness. "But it's the first frost and I thought they would get cold."
I stand, shaking the sleep from my pelt. Thick, WaterClan pelts or not, one moon old kits should not be out when it's cold. Turning, I poke Gorsefur with my paw. "Wake up. It's a code four."
He growls in annoyance, then sits, his fur a mess. "We're going to have to barricade ourselves into the den with them if we want them to stay in one place."
"You go check the Barracks," I say. "I'll go for the entrances."
Gorsefur's golden eyes drift to Morningkit beside me. "Brookfall, you stay here. Someone has to watch Morningkit."
Dirt. He's right. I nod, though I feel a flicker of frustration. I love Morningkit, but I want to be out looking for my other kits too. Not that they're in danger, I just want to make sure they're okay.
Yawning, Gorsefur licks Morningkit on the top of her head. She purrs, more of a squeak really. She and Gorsefur are close, and I love that. Gorsefur touches his nose to mine, and then trots out of the den.
"Can we play a game?" Morningkit asks me eagerly.
I look at my nest, wishing.... "Of course."
"Since Wrenkit isn't here, can I be Waterstar? And you can be a big scary fox!"
Nodding, I stifle another yawn and crouch, making fox-like growls as my daughter giggles.
"Oakclaw..."
The golden tom grunted and rolled over, trying to get away from the nagging voice. Was a little sleep too much to ask? He'd been up all night with Shadowsong, terrified that the nightmares might come back. It'd been two nights without her waking up shrieking and he wanted to go for a record of three.
"Oakclaw!" This time, the call was accompanied by a prod. Oakclaw continued to hope that whoever was trying to wake him would just go away if he ignored them.
"You're doing it all wrong, Breezekit." There was the sound of scuffling, and then the light scampering of paws.
Oakclaw doubled over as a weight hit his stomach. Wheezing a little, he looked over to see Wrenkit and Breezekit looking at him. Oh, StarClan... "Hey, kits..."
"Oakclaw," Breezekit began. "We've decided it's time for us to go see the territory."
"Oh really," Oakclaw looked over to the others. They were all still asleep, the lucky cats. Looking back, he saw Breezekit watching him with dark green eyes, shades deeper than his mother's. The little tom was the brains of the trio, but that didn't make him any less confidant than Wrenkit...
"Yes," Breezekit looked over at his sister for conformation and she nodded. "And we want you to take us."
"I'm honored," Oakclaw muttered. "Look, maybe we should go get Gorsefur to take you instead..."
Wrenkit huffed, "No. Dad's no fun. And then we would have to take Morningkit."
"Be nice to Morningkit!" Breezekit protested.
His sister glared at him. "If Morningkit comes, we'll never be able to do anything fun. She's so scared of everything."
"And you're not scare of anything," Oakclaw sighed. The two kits looked back up at him and he sighed. "It's just, I'm kind of busy..."
"No you're not," Wrenkit narrowed her eyes, confused. "You're just sleeping."
Exactly.
"Besides," Breezekit chimed in helpfully. "Since mom and dad are taking care of us, you guys don't have any missions."
All of Oakclaw's sympathy for the adventurous kits vanished. He stood, shaking moss from his fur. "Alright, let's go!"
The kits blinked, looking surprised. Than, with squeals, they tumbled around his paws as he shepherded them, in a roundabout way, back to their den. When the kits saw their den, they groaned. Wrenkit tried to make a run for it, but Oakclaw easily picked her up and carried her the rest of the way.
"Brookfall?" he called, his voice muffled by the squirming kit in his mouth. "You here?"
"You're okay!" a small ginger streak barreled out of the den and circled Breezekit, sniffing him intently. "And you're not froze to death!"
"Frozen," Brookfall corrected Morningkit as she came out of the den. Oakclaw set Wrenkit down and Brookfall looked over at her. "Thank you so much, Oakclaw."
"No problem," Oakclaw forced a purr and waved his tail at the kits, turning to go.
"Um," Brookfall said before he could go. "Gorsefur went to look for the kits...would you mind...?"
Oakclaw sighed, "Of course. No problem."
Gorsefur and Oakclaw ran into each other as Oakclaw was walking back to the den. The gray tom was peering into bushes and scenting the air, so he barely noticed as Oakclaw walked over to him. "Looking for something?"
Gorsefur started, then rolled his eyes. "Unfortunately."
"I beat you to it," Oakclaw said. "They're with Brookfall."
"Thanks," Gorsefur sighed. "Hope they didn't cause any trouble."
Oakclaw ignored that and went straight for the issue at paw. "Look, Gorsefur, we've all been talking. There's a problem."
Looking embarrassed, Gorsefur purred. "I'll make sure the kits don't get into your den-"
"Gorsefur, it's been a moon," Oakclaw pressed, feeling both insanely guilty and incredibly validated. "We all love the kits. They are the cutest things ever, and I look forward to teaching them how to gut their enemies. But it's still been a moon. We're all happy for you, and we want you to know that. But we also have a war to be fighting."
"We..." Gorsefur's eyes widened a little in dismay. "You mean...everyone?"
"Adderscar, Shadowsong, even Grayleaf." Oakclaw felt a now familiar pang of grief. There should have been two more names on that list. There should have been two more voices talking the issue over the night before. But there weren't.
I should have gone with Stormflight. I let him go alone and he's dead. They both are.
"Gorsefur, you either need to let one of us take over as commander for a mission or two while you stay here with Brookfall and the kits...or you can come with us and let Brookfall take care of them until she can come too."
His best friend just stared at him and Oakclaw continued, "We've stayed here for a moon, we help with the kits and the break is nice. But at the same time, it's been a moon. We need to go and none of the others want to break it to you."
"Why not?" Gorsefur's eyes were fiery.
"Because it's awkward!" Oakclaw rolled his eyes. "No one wants to be like 'Hey, Gorsefur, love the kits, but we need to leave before I go insane.' Besides, it's weird timing. One moon isn't enough for the kits to be old enough that you feel right leaving, but it's also long enough that we feel antsy staying here."
"Would you leave Shadowsong?" Gorsefur shot back. "Obviously she can't come with us. She's still...grieving."
Oakclaw flinched- Gorsefur had hit home. There was no way that Shadowsong could handle the field right now, and they both knew it. Watching one of your best friends die at your sister's paw, watching your other sister hurl herself off a cliff...well, it was something that didn't just go away in a moon.
"Fine," Oakclaw finally said. "I wouldn't want to leave her. Not so soon after...they died. But something needs to get done. Adderscar's brain is going to explode if he has to stay here for much longer. Grayleaf is happy in the Main medicine dens, but he wants to be out in the field, helping warriors. And Shadowsong...being here is better than the field. But she still needs to be doing something so that she can heal."
"Then what do you want?" Gorsefur snaps.
Oakclaw didn't say anything for a moment. He hadn't talked this over with the others- it was too raw, too cruel, too...well, if he was being honest, it was too awkward.
"You need to get the...new guy here," Oakclaw said. "Stormflight's replacement."
Gorsefur just looked at him with wide golden eyes. Snowflight wouldn't need a replacement, as she hadn't technically been a member of the squad. But they would be adding a new cat to the mix and Oakclaw hurried to explain himself before Gorsefur could think too much on it.
"We need to get everyone used to him...her...whatever. We need to train him, make sure that everyone can work well together." Oakclaw let himself get a little softer, thinking. "Gorsefur, I don't want anyone else to die. I want us to be the best, to be prepared, to be unstoppable. I don't think we can handle any more tragedy." He met his best friend's eyes. "I don't think Shadowsong can handle it."
Gorsefur was silent for a minute. He and Oakclaw, they had been through too much together to pretend like they didn't understand each other. Finally, Gorsefur nodded, looking tired.
"Okay," he meowed. "I'll get the new guy."
Shadowsong looked at the poppy seeds, not reaching for them. Yes, she wanted to sleep. She didn't want to thrash around and shriek her head off while reliving every terrible thing that had happened to her, culminating in her sisters' deaths. And the poppy seeds would help that.
But taking them would mean that she needed help, that she was weak, that she was crazy. No matter how many times she hit this emotional wall, this need to be independent and strong, she could never break it down. The medicine would help, but it would make her feel like she was a failure, like she wasn't the same as she had been.
And she wasn't. But knowing that and admitting it were two different things.
"You can do it," Oakclaw said softly. His golden eyes were gentle as he encouraged her. In their competitive relationship, Shadowsong always found herself wondering. Was she stronger because she dealt with more, had to fight harder against the world? Or was he stronger because he was always the one comforting her?
"Did you talk to Gorsefur?" Shadowsong asked. She licked up one poppy seed, then the next. Mulled them over in her mouth for a moment before swallowing them.
Oakclaw nodded, "He's going to do something soon. We'll be back to normal before you know it," he sounded so hopeful, she couldn't help but believe him.
Her eyelids felt heavy and she curled up, nuzzling against Oakclaw. "Do you want kits?"
Oakclaw purred, "If you asked me before a couple of them woke me up before dawn this morning, I might have said yes."
Shadowsong's whiskers twitched, and she was asleep. The blackness was comforting, not scary, because it wasn't red with Stormflight's blood and it wasn't pierced by Snowflight's screams.
"They what?"
Gorsefur looks at me nervously as I pace. "No, that's insane. They're not leaving me behind, no way, no how. Besides, they need to suck it up!" My voice grows louder. "Wow, they get a break! Big deal!"
"They want to be doing something," Gorsefur says softly.
"While they can! But they don't need to pin it on us! They make it sound like we're being selfish, like we're keeping them here..."
"Brookfall," Gorsefur nods behind me and I turn to see Breezekit looking at me with wide, dark eyes.
I force a cheery voice, "What's wrong?"
"You were loud," he says, eyes flicking between Gorsefur and me. "Is everything okay?"
"Of course," I purr. Breezekit nods and ducks back into the den. After a moment, I turn back to Gorsefur. "They need to relax," I growl.
"The kits?"
"The squad!"
Gorsefur looks tired. "Brookfall...look...I love our kits. So much. But I want them to be safe. I don't want them to have to get drafted, to have to deal with...with the things we've dealt with."
"So what?" I whisper, a little scared. Because I'm scared of the same thing. What's better- staying here so that my kits know their parents, or fighting so that they never know war?
"I don't know," Gorsefur sits. "We can't leave yet. They're only a moon old. But maybe...maybe in a moon or two...we can stay close. My parents could look after them."
"Gorsefur, not to say it," I say. "But the last time we left a kit with your parents, a psychopath kidnapped him in order to try and capture us all and take us to FireClan."
My mate glares at me, "I know this is hard, but sometimes you have to think of the greater good."
"And sometimes you have to think of your own good!" I retort. "Gorsefur, we've sacrificed so much for our Clan. What's a few moons to ourselves?"
"You deserve it," he meows. "But we don't always get what we deserve."
I look to the den, where my kits are playing together. Think of Shadowsong, who watched her sister die. Adderscar, who lost his mate. Gorsefur, who lost his brother.
"No," I murmur. "We don't."
Everyone is gathered outside of Gorsefur's parents den. Gorsefur's parents are currently entertaining our kits, as the rest of us gather far enough away that we can't be overheard.
"Look," Oakclaw starts, the unlikely peace-maker. "We need to do something."
Gorsefur nods, "I know. And the...thing we talked about it going through. They said it would take a quarter moon or a half moon. But it's going to happen."
"What's going to happen?" Grayleaf asks curiously.
"Nothing," Gorsefur says quietly.
There's a beat of silence, broken only by peals of laughter from the kits. It's awkward, that even though we're so close, that we would die for each other, this is the issue that's driving such a rift between us.
Is it better to save my kits or save my Clan?
"Maybe we can find some good to do here," I suggest lamely. "Fish out FireClan spies, whatever."
"Yeah," Oakclaw says, when no one else speaks up. "Maybe."
More silence.
"So, we just need to wait a half moon at the most," Gorsefur says, too brightly. "And then we can start talking about...what we're going to do."
I bristle at that. Adderscar looks ready to argue and Oakclaw looks uncomfortable, glancing at Shadowsong who just rolls her eyes.
I know they love the kits, not the same way I do or Gorsefur does. But they do love them nonetheless. The difference between us is just that it's not their children, it's mine. They have such an easier time deciding how to best help my kits.
I can't let my kits die. I won't let them bleed out on FireClan territory, like Silverflower. I can't let them end up like poor Stormflight and Snowflight.
But I can't leave them either.
I meet Gorsefur's eyes and he looks at me sadly.
StarClan help us.