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Episode 10, Season 6 of War.
Spoiler Alert: Brookfall wasn't pregnant, she dreamed the whole thing after getting knocked unconscious when fighting Lionwing.
Spoiler Alert Alert: The above is not true. Enjoy your fluffy bundles of joy <3
Life Begins[]
"The kits!" I shriek. Oh StarClan, oh StarClan, oh StarClan, oh-
A spasm of pain grips my belly. I curl in, fighting the urge to hyperventilate. It's over in a second, but I know that those pains will get worse and more frequent, thanks to Adderscar and his helpful idea to explain to me what kitting was like so I wouldn't be so scared. Obviously, he failed.
"Should we go to the medicine den?" Oakclaw asks. He looks so incredibly uncomfortable I can almost forget all the pain and terror of what I'm about to go through. For a fearless warrior, you'd think fluffy kits would be a breeze.
Adderscar shook his head. "She has a few hours at least before the kits will actually be coming."
That's new to me. "What?!" Adderscar nods, looking more than a little terrified. I turn my glare to Gorsefur. "I'm going to claw off your ears," I growl.
"Love you too," he purrs weakly.
Huffing, I sit down, then think for a moment. "Wait, speaking of a few hours, where are Shadowsong and Snowflight? And Stormflight? They've been gone ages."
Gorsefur's golden eyes turn uneasy, but he just touches his nose to mine. "Worry about the kits, okay? We'll find the others."
"Good, because I want them to be here." Thinking quickly, I backtrack a little. "Not, I mean, like, in the medicine with me when I'm doing the kitting...stuff...but I want them to meet the kits and stuff-"
"Brookfall, it's okay," Grayleaf meows, sitting beside me. He gently examines my stomach, prodding it with his paws. "Looking at your stomach, I'd say you've got at least two kits coming. Probably three."
"Three?" I signed up for one fluffy ball of cuteness. I mean, it's not three kits I'm worried about, but with those numbers they could probably gang up on me and fight me if I tried to make them go to sleep or something.
"But," Grayleaf continues, like I didn't just yowl at him. "They're coming quick. We should get you to the medicine den right away."
Feeling wobbly, I stand. Gorsefur supports me and looks over at Oakclaw, "A little help?"
Oakclaw looks squeamish, like he might catch pregnancy if he touches me.
"She might start kitting in the den if we don't get her to the medicine den in time," Adderscar observes drily.
Oakclaw quickly gets to my other side, he and Gorsefur steadying me as we walk. I look back and mouth 'thanks' to Adderscar, whiskers twitching.
The walk to the medicine den is slow and a little embarrassing, but the few cats we pass smile encouragingly at me. Apparently I look pregnant. Who knew?
When we get to the medicine den, a she-cat darts over. "Kitting?" I nod and she ushers me to a den, the others trailing behind.
Inside the den, I curl up in what very may well be the comfiest nest in the whole forest. That makes up for the thick stick in the corner, covered in bite marks, which makes me shiver a little in fear.
The medicine cat sets about checking my stomach and I crane my neck so I can see Gorsefur. "Go find Shadowsong and Snowflight and Stormflight!"
"I want to be here!" He glares at me a little, though he can't maintain it for long.
I soften my voice. "Gorsefur, they could be in trouble. I'm fine here."
He looks tormented, but Oakclaw suddenly pops his head in between us, his eyes closed tightly so he doesn't see the medicine den. Apparently me lying in a nest is horrifying. "I'll get him to come, don't worry Brookfall."
They disappear, Gorsefur with one last, lingering look. The medicine cat says something about going to get herbs and being right back before she pads out.
I curl in on my stomach. "I thought you guys agreed to come out at the right time. So I don't become that one she-cat who kits at the worst possible moment."
Another spasm of pain rocks through me and I grit my teeth.
Shadowsong was sure it moved faster for the others. But she was weak from blood loss and trauma and probably a host of other problems. She was in shock.
Stormflight's blood hadn't always been so red, had it? She was sure it hadn't. But now, it splashed onto the forest floor like it was raining blood. Snowflight's screams pierced the ears and Lionwing was yowling something incomprehensible.
Stormflight is dying.
That realization struck through her so swiftly, so suddenly, through the haze of rambling thoughts that Shadowsong felt as though time had actually stopped.
She knew what it felt like to bleed out. When Thundercloud had ripped her open and left her to drain, it had hurt like nothing else had. She knew what Stormflight was going through, and she knew that out here, so far from Main, with such a bad wound, he didn't have much time.
He needed time to say goodbye to Snowflight.
So, even though her muscles screamed and she felt like she was going to fall over at any moment, she stood. Lacking the energy and state of mind to formulate a battle plan, she did the only thing she could think of.
Yowling, she threw herself at Lionwing. Her weight knocked the golden she-cat away from Stormflight. They hit the ground and the landing jarred Shadowsong. Lionwing's poisonous eyes glared into her own and she whispered, "You were supposed to be the same as me."
Shadowsong found some spark of energy hiding inside of her, and she managed to spit back, "I wasn't even supposed to have sisters."
Lionwing hissed and surged up. Shadowsong didn't know if she'd been staying in FireClan or living like a rogue, but she was strong. The golden she-cat managed to throw the exhausted warrior off of her. Shadowsong scrambled away from her, trying to put distance between them and Snowflight.
It might end up being her demise, but at least Snowflight would get more time. She deserved that.
A weight hit her back and she yowled in pain. Lionwing's claws scraped her spine and Shadowsong flipped so her claws could tear into her sister's stomach.
They were both bloody and screeching, but Lionwing finally got the advantage, managing to plant a paw on Shadowsong's throat. The black she-cat struggled for air as her sister pressed down, smirking.
This is the second time I've been choked in two moons, Shadowsong thought. I've decided I don't like it.
Spots of black danced in front of her eyes, and as she fell into blackness she heard Lionwing whisper, "You weren't supposed to leave me."
"Don't leave me, don't leave me," Snowflight begged.
Stormflight's eyes were hazy, but he found her, blinking twice before purring weakly. The action made the blood at his throat flow a little faster and Snowflight felt her heart convulse in horror.
"Stormflight, we can do this, it's okay," Snowflight felt tears crowding her eyes. How long had it been since she cried? She was surprised her tears still flowed, that they hadn't all dried up. "Look, I can get some cobweb and you'll be okay."
"Snowflight..." he whispered her name so softly she almost missed it. "I love you."
"Don't say that," she purred, sniffling. "It makes it sound like-"
"But," his voice was fainter now. She could see the tears in his eyes now too, as his eyes closed for the last time. "You never....should have left...FireClan."
His eyes close. He exhaled.
Snowflight waited for the inhale, waited for the heartbeat, waited for the world to continue spinning. But Stormflight didn't stir. His fur brushed against hers, his head rested on her paws, but he wasn't breathing. He was asleep in a pool of his own blood.
"No," Snowflight whispered. Then, growing louder, "No, no, no, no, no..."
She buried her nose in his fur. He made her feel alive, made her want to feel again. He coaxed her out of her shell and then he died at her paws.
You never should have left FireClan...
He was right.
Snowflight touched noses with her mate, one last time. Then she stood. Already, she could feel the ice crystallizing around her. The ice that protected her heart, made her untouchable. Lionwing had always been erratic, it was her way of protecting herself from Thundercloud and all the horrors of war and their lives.
Snowflight had simply been emotionless.
Stepping over Stormflight's body, she followed Lionwing's scent into the forest.
Kits hurt.
"The first one's ready to come out!" the medicine cat says cheerily.
Panic hits me. "No, my mates not here..."
The medicine cat looks sympathetic. "I'm sorry. But at least he would want to be here. Most she-cats don't even know who their kits father is."
Oh.
Well.
"Okay," the medicine cat crouches. "Do you want the stick to bite on? It'll hurt."
I grit my teeth, resisting the urge to purr. If she knew the things I'd been through... "I think I'll be okay."
"Well then," the medicine cat purrs. "Let's get started!"
Snowflight stalked through the ferns. She could see Lionwing's silhouette ahead and she sped up.
Her sister was crouched over Shadowsong. The black she-cat was unconscious, and Lionwing held up a paw, claws glinting in the air. Snowflight coughed.
Lionwing spun around. Her eyes widened, Shadowsong forgotten. "It's for the best, Snowflight. He held you back."
You never should have left FireClan.
Snowflight tipped her head, thinking. Lionwing's eye twitched; she obviously wanted a confrontation. Never really had been one for patience.
Shadowsong was the one who had fought Lionwing last time. Even though Lionwing had thrown herself off the cliff, Snowflight had always gotten the sense that Shadowsong would have been able to kill Lionwing, whereas she never would be able to. How did you kill someone who was practically apart of you?
Of course, that was before Lionwing had killed another part of Snowflight.
Snowflight lunged towards Lionwing, clipping her on the ear with her claws before dancing away. Lionwing snarled and lurched forward, only for Snowflight to claw at her muzzle, leaving behind a trail of red.
I just hurt my own sister. Because I wanted to. I wanted to.
Snowflight shoved the thoughts down. Lionwing was barreling towards her, yowling. Swiftly, Snowflight stepped to the side as her sister dove for her, then jumped onto Lionwing.
It wasn't a fight that FireClan would have expected from it's two greatest assassins. Maybe it was because Lionwing had snapped, lost her cunning and skill to insanity. Maybe it was because Snowflight had snapped, lost her empathy and thought to vengeance.
"You were my sister," Lionwing whispered. Her golden eyes trembled with tears, angry tears. Killer tears. "I loved you."
Snowflight's claws were unsheathed, so close to Lionwing's neck, so close...
She's your sister.
In a voice that was hard and clipped and hardly recognizable as her own, Snowflight hissed, "And I loved him."
She sliced her claws downward.
To be fair, Shadowsong never really expected to wake up. Well, if she did wake up, she expected it to be in StarClan. Or to Rosepaw, ready to guide her there.
She didn't expect to wake, gasping for air, in a clearing that was empty, except for Lionwing's body.
Cautiously, Shadowsong stood. She felt shaky and altogether terrible. She was covered in dried blood and she was gasping air like she'd just been drowning. Well, she kind of had.
Scenting the air, Snowflight's smell hung heavy on the breeze. Padding by Lionwing (and giving her a kick), Shadowsong followed the scent back to the clearing.
Stormflight was dead. She didn't need to look at him to know; the proof was soaking the ground in red. Shadowsong felt her legs trembled.
This was the tom who, after knowing the squad for a day, gave himself up to a FireClan cat so Oakclaw wouldn't die. This was a tom who fought his father with every breath, who refused to let Thundercloud ruin him. This was a tom who fell in love, even though the world screamed at him not to.
"StarClan..." Shadowsong whispered.
Looking away from Stormflight- she couldn't look at him any longer- she saw Snowflight. Standing by the cliff. She was relieved- at least her sister was still alive. And it was the non-insane one.
Shadowsong padded over, around Stormflight, "Snowflight-" Her meow cut off as the white she-cat turned to look at her. Snowflight was...Snowflight. Not the sister Shadowsong took walks with, the she-cat who loved Stormflight quietly but with courage, the warrior who tried to bridge the border. This was the assassin who terrorized the squad back when Thundercloud was their greatest threat and EarthClan was still fighting in the war.
This was the blank, emotionless, uncaring she-cat who Shadowsong had hated with a passion.
"Snowflight," she said again, softer now.
"You lived." It was an observation, not one of disappointment or joy. Just a fact. "You were still breathing when I checked, but I didn't know if you'd make it through."
She must have arrived as Lionwing was about to kill me, Shadowsong realized. So why was she acting like the she-cat she'd once been?
Of course, the answer was lying behind her, his blue eyes glassy.
"I never should have come here," Snowflight murmured. Bitterness, the only feeling she'd expressed so far, crept into her voice. "I'm a traitor to FireClan now. I'm not WaterClan, and I never will be. My mate is dead, I killed my sister. I have nothing and no one and I'm so, so tired." Her voice broke on the last word.
"You still have everyone else," Shadowsong said carefully. "You have me."
Snowflight didn't turn around. "Why couldn't I just be happy with what I had?" she meowed, more to herself then anything.
"Snowflight, I know this is awful-"
The white she-cat whirled around, her eyes fiery with despair. "You don't know! I threw my life away for a tom who made me feel again, just so that I could feel him die, in my paws! I tried so hard! But you don't get it! You're all meant to lose and to die."
"Us?" Shadowsong asked, increasingly uneasy. "What are you meant to do Snowflight?"
Snowflight laughed, a bitter, broken sound. Shadowsong padded closer as her sister stood, then looked back at her. Her eyes were swelling with tears and she looked so empty, so broken that Shadowsong couldn't help but take a step back.
"Me?" she sniffled, then laughed again, a garbled sob. "I think I was meant to fly."
Shadowsong caught her meaning a moment too late. "No-!"
For the second time in her life, Shadowsong watched as a sister threw herself off a cliff.
The sound of sobbing was the first thing Oakclaw heard. He pelted past Gorsefur and the others, bursting into the clearing.
The first thing he saw was Stormflight. The tom was splayed across the clearing, his blood soaking the ground. Oakclaw felt like he was going to be sick.
Gorsefur cried out in shock and pain and lurched towards the dead tom. But Oakclaw was already racing for Shadowsong, slumped on the ground and wailing.
He curled around her, whispering reassurances, wondering what in the name of StarClan happened. Stormflight was dead, Snowflight was missing, and Shadowsong hadn't been this distressed since her identity crisis after finding out she was half FireClan.
"I tried to stop her," Shadowsong whispered. "I tried, I tried so hard and I couldn't I was too late and I tried so hard..."
"I know you did," Oakclaw reassured her, not really knowing what she was saying. "I know you did."
"Shadowsong?" Oakclaw looked up to see Gorsefur, his eyes thunderous. "What happened?"
"I tried so hard..." Shadowsong whispered.
"Shadowsong," Gorsefur started again. Oakclaw felt rage well up inside of him.
"Can't you see she's upset?" he yowled. "Something bad happened Gorsefur, let her have a minute."
Gorsefur opened his mouth to argue, but Adderscar yowled in shock. Gorsefur gave a final glare to Oakclaw, then went after the ginger tom. A moment later, then returned, carrying a slumped golden fur.
Oakclaw felt his stomach drop and he stood, gently slipping away from Shadowsong. "Did she do this, because I will-"
"Someone beat you to it," Adderscar said flatly, lifting Lionwing's head to show the wounds on her neck.
Oakclaw suddenly put two and two together. He padded over to Shadowsong and crouched in front of her, brushing his nose to hers. "Shadowsong, I'm right here, okay? Can you tell us what happened?"
"Snowflight was falling, but I saved her," her eyes met Oakclaw's, wild with emotion. "I saved her."
"Okay," Oakclaw calmed her. He could feel Gorsefur and Adderscar behind him, watching, but he kept his eyes on Shadowsong.
"But Lionwing...she wanted to kill us. It was a trap," Shadowsong gulped. "Stormflight got here but Lionwing got him and I distracted her but she choked me and when I woke up Snowflight..." her eyes drifted off again and her breathing got rapid.
"Where's Snowflight?" Oakclaw asked quietly.
Shadowsong didn't answer but her eyes flicked to the cliff. Oakclaw felt a moment of confusion, then he felt like vomiting again.
She jumped. She jumped and Shadowsong tried to save her.
He curled around her again and she leaned into him, her tears soaking his fur. "You're so brave," he whispered. "You're so strong and so brave and you're going to be okay, I promise."
Shadowsong's muffled sobs were the only sounds echoing around the clearing.
I swear I blacked out for most of the kitting. It was wonderful- waking up to three kits. Ta-da! Either that, or I just mentally blocked it out of my memories because it was so emotionally scarring. Either, or.
The kits are gorgeous. The medicine cat cleaned them, made sure they were all okay, before leaving me alone with them for a moment.
One tom and two she-cats. The tom is lean and he has Gorsefur's dark gray pelt with my green eyes. The result is that he looks thoughtful and somber, which makes me purr.
The she-cat who was born first, after the tom, has my pelt, for the most part. It's still brown and tabby, with the white markings, but she only has a white chest and paws. Her tail-tip and muzzle are brown. Her eyes are Gorsefur's dark gold, which makes her look mischievous already. She's going to be the troublemaker, I can tell.
The final kit was something unexpected. The other two were such a perfect blend of me and Gorsefur that I expected the other she-cat to be something of the same type. But she was a surprise, and a perfect one at that.
She's smaller than the other two for one, and delicate. She has a ginger tabby coat (StarClan knows where she got it) as well as a white chest, muzzle, paws, and tail-tip. And, perhaps most shockingly, she has my mother's gently blue eyes.
I want Gorsefur to come back so we can name them. Well, so I can name them with his vague permission.
Of course, the moon has risen by the time he gets back. He pads into the medicine den, exhausted looking. I blink up at him, "What happened?"
And he tells me. Stormflight is dead. Snowflight is dead. Shadowsong is...something. How does a cat continue to function once you've watched your sister hurl herself off a cliff? After you tried to save her? After you practically killed yourself bringing her back up the cliff the first time, only for her to jump right back off?
"Poor Shadowsong," I whisper.
But, as he's telling the story, Gorsefur's eyes have been on the kits. Our kits. "I haven't named them yet," I murmur, licking his cheek affectionately.
"Thank you for waiting," he says. Of course, that's a formality. He knows I would have waited, and I know he would have rather stayed with me the whole time.
"The only rule I have," I say seriously. "Is that we're not naming them in memory." Gorsefur tips his head and I feel the need to explain. "I'm not going to name them Silverkit and Badgerkit and-and other things because that's not fair. They aren't the same cats and it would be wrong to try to replace the friends we've lost, even in name."
It's a thought that's been stirring in my head the entire pregnancy. A lot of cats do that, name their kits in memory of cats they knew who died in the war. And it seemed sweet at first, but as I considered it, I realized how awful it was. Do I want to see Silverflower's blood spilling in FireClan when I watch Silverkit become Silverpaw? Do I want to remember how Badgerstrike betrayed us when Badgerkit shows me the mouse he caught?
I can't do that.
"So what were you thinking?" Gorsefur asks.
"For the brown she-kit, I was thinking Wrenkit." I look up, seeing him nod. "And the tom could be..."
"Breezekit?" Gorsefur offers. I look down at the little tom and nod.
"And the little she-kit..." I think for a moment. "I was thinking Morningkit."
"Because of her pelt?" Gorsefur asks. I nod. Not because we're mourning.
"Breezekit, Wrenkit, Morningkit," he whispers. "I love them." His eyes meets mine. "I love you."
We lean in to touch noses, but that jostles Morningkit who starts to wail. Flustered, I nudge her back in place and look up at Gorsefur sheepishly. But then, the other kits wake up too and add their voices to the din.
How are we going to raise kits?
Of course, there are a host of other problems to think about. Shadowsong, new squad members, new missions, the entire freaking war...
But with Gorsefur next to me and the kits curled up against my stomach, I just want to deal with this problem. I want to lay down and sleep with my wonderful, perfect family.
...except the kits are still wailing.
Right.
How do I make them stop?