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Episode 6, Season 6 of War.
Enjoy!
Down, Not Out[]
Apparently, when my mother was pregnant with me, she was completely crazy. Not your average crazy- she was waking up at moon-high to pray to StarClan that I wouldn't be born with two tails or something. I mean, maybe it worked, but the point is, some cats take kitting as an excuse to let their true insanity shine through.
And, stereotypically, that'll be the she-cat.
But lucky me, I end up being the rational one. Gorsefur doesn't exactly dance around in the moonlight for good luck, but...well, once I said my stomach was hurting and he started yowling for Grayleaf to get ready for kitting. I was about half a moon along.
Which should give you an idea about how he's started acting now that I'm around a moon, maybe less from kitting. Every raid, even walking he's constantly beside me, constantly worrying, constantly watching. Which is fine, he is the father and my mate and if he wasn't worried, I'd probably be a little concerned, but, ironically, every time he tells me I should stay behind or go home, it just makes me more determined to stay here, keep going. Probably not the smartest thing, but it's working.
Or, at least it was working.
Then, the day before we're set to head out for the next camp on our raid list, I wake up alone. Not just no one's sleeping beside me because I ate a bad piece of prey, but completely alone. Everyone's gone. Everyone.
Maybe if it had happened another, time I would have assumed some crazy FireClan cats maybe attacked or one of our numerous enemies had struck, but no. This is the work of the one, the only, the totally dead...
"Gorsefur," I growl, standing and shaking my pelt out. Kits have made me less of a morning cat and I've grown increasingly reliant of someone braving my claws to wake me up. Apparently, someone 'forgot' to do that today.
Without another thought, I walk around the clearing, scenting the air. Finally, I catch their scent. Without hesitation, I start walking.
"Brookfall."
"Dirt," I mutter, turning. Snowflight steps out of the bushes, looking relatively bored. "Look, whatever pitch Gorsefur wants you to throw me, I'm still going. And when I get there, I'm going to yell at him for making you stay too to try and prove a point."
"Brookfall, this is FireClan," Snowflight rolls her eyes. "I can get to the rendezvous before the squads can. I'm not going to miss anything." Slightly lower, she said, "And if I did it wouldn't be so bad."
"So deliver your message, whatever," I growl.
"Gorsefur told me to tell you...StarClan this is idiotic...he said he didn't want the kits to get hurt. You're less than a moon from kitting and you need to be relaxing and...eating and whatever it is you have to do, not running around fighting FireClan cats."
"That's my decision to make," I narrow my eyes.
"And I'm just the messenger," Snowflight snaps. Her eyes soften and she adds, "Look, Brookfall, I would be upset too. But he's doing it because he cares about you. And after Orange Leaf, Moonclaw's been a little more..."
Radical? Insane? Totally and completely utterly out of bounds with her reckless genocide of FireClan cats?
"...on edge," Snowflight meows. "He just wants to keep you safe."
I huff, but, even as Snowflight mutters a hasty goodbye and dashes off, I'm thinking. Maybe it's the fact that someone else is saying those words to me. That they're finally sinking in.
I'm going to have kits. What in the name of StarClan am I doing running around like this?
I sit, still musing to myself.
They could use another warrior though. Every cat counts when you're this deep in enemy territory. But I'm not exactly a warrior, am I? Maybe half a moon ago, but now I'm less than a moon from kitting. Most queens at this time are in nurseries, getting pampered and fed and waited on.
And I'm tromping around FireClan territory.
Maybe I should...
"No," I hiss. I have to go. At the very least, I can be another pair of eyes. I don't have to fight to be useful.
...yes, you do.
I'm jolted out of my thoughts when a stick cracks in the forest. I jerk my head up, "Who's there?"
There's no reply, and I crouch, preparing to leap all warrior-like into the bushes. I tense my muscles, preparing to jump when a terrified voice says, "W-wait!"
The bushes rustle and a sheepish looking she-cat pads out. She's pretty- ginger patches dusting her white fur and mischievous green eyes. But what really makes me pause is her size- her stomach is swollen, almost a mirror of mine. She's pregnant.
She's also FireClan.
"Look, don't jump, okay?" the she-cat is oblivious to my inner monologue. "Sorry I scared you, I just-" her eyes widen s slightly I almost miss it. "WaterClan," she whispers. And then she's the one crouching.
"Woah, woah, wait!" I back up, "Let's not get too hasty..."
She snarls, then tips her head, surveying me, "Wait, why'd they bring a pregnant cat?"
"Hey...." But her reaction does make me uncomfortable. Maybe Gorsefur was right...
No. No. I'm right.
"Look, I was in a squad but they...went on ahead without me," I say. Even though it makes me furious, it is the truth.
"Oh," the she-cat looks at her paws, then back up at me. "What was the last camp you guys attacked?"
"Erm...Orange Leaf. Then we got sidetracked for a few days...one of our commanders was healing."
The she-cat visibly relaxes. "Okay. Well, my name's Appleshade. My camp got attacked by some WaterClan cats a few days ago. They drove a lot of us out. My mate and I got separated and I was trying to get to Main to meet up with him, but I can't tell direction to save my life..."
I blink, seeing an entirely different she-cat than before. Appleshade saw her camp get razed, just like me. She'd probably never left her camp before, that's why she has no idea where Main is. She believes that her mate is still alive, even though she's aware that there are WaterClan cats patrolling her territory. She's brave enough to try to make it to Main alone, with her kits.
"I think Main is that way," I point with my tail behind her. "That's what my squad-mate said, anyways."
"Thanks," Appleshade looks at me with curious eyes. "So...are you headed home?"
"I don't know," I whisper miserably. "I want to help my friends...my mate, but I just feel so..." I look at my stomach and she nods.
"How far along are you?"
This situation is so incredibly weird, but I just say, "Less than a moon...you?"
"Moon and a quarter."
We're left standing there, blinking at each other.
"Which camp was it?" I finally ask, softly. I'm almost positive that we didn't decimate this she-cat's life, but almost doesn't help me get to sleep at night.
A fond look clouds her eyes. "It was just called Berry Grove," she says, finally. "There were a lot of berry bushes. It was so pretty..." she trails off, reminiscing in her mind.
I feel a brief panic attack- Berry Grove sounds familiar. Was it the place we cleared out in five minutes flat? The place where Moonclaw killed three elders and a zealous apprentice? No, I'm sure we didn't attack it...
So why does it seem so familiar?
"We almost there?" Gorsefur called to Moonclaw. He thought he saw her nod, but he wasn't entirely sure. He wasn't going to ask again to make sure though- Moonclaw was frosty to him usually. Besides, he wasn't really anyone's favorite cat at the moment.
Shadowsong was mad at him for leaving Brookfall behind. Mad might be a little weak- she was pretty livid. Snowflight was mad at him for making her stay behind and then run halfway across FireClan to catch up with them. Stormflight was mad at him for making Snowflight stay behind and then catch up. Grayleaf just seemed vaguely disapproving.
Oakclaw stuck by his side loyally, but he did shoot him glances once in a while. Gorsefur gritted his teeth and pressed on. The sooner they got to Berry Grove, the better.
Moonclaw kept her eyes fixed ahead, despite her squad's numerous attempts to talk to her. They were all blindingly loyal- almost to a worrisome degree- and she trusted them. But she was in no mood to talk to them at the moment.
She hated FireClan, it was true. And a FireClan cat infiltrating WaterClan was sickening. And, after observing the other squad, she was almost positive the rest of them knew Snowflight wasn't WaterClan. And that, above all else, made her want to simply destroy them all.
But no. She was patient. She was stone and she was waiting, biding her time. Once they got to Berry Grove- a camp she knew full well was already clear, she would split them up.
And then she'd solve the problem, once and for all.
I ask Appleshade to point me in the direction of Berry Grove. It's the same way I've been walking- finally, a bit of luck for me, and we say goodbye. Somehow, we managed to remain civil, although either of us could've easily had the excuse to attack the other. But perhaps on some weird StarClan-y spiritual level we recognized each other as orphans and left it at that. Nice thought, though I'm not sure I believe it.
As I walk, I'm annoyed. I'm half a day behind everyone else- they could be marching on FireClan Main for all I know.
StarClan I hope not.
But the point is, I'm nowhere better than Appleshade is. I'm wandering around a huge piece of land, hoping, looking for the cats that matter the most to me.
I just wish I knew where they were going. I sit, taking one of my frequent breaks and think as I catch my breath. In all the strategic meetings we've had, someone had to have mentioned it. The problem is, I've been exhausted all day, all the time thanks to the kits sapping up all my energy. And they haven't even been born yet.
See? You're useless, just go home...
I shove away that nagging voice inside my head and struggle to remember. We were supposed to go somewhere...something with a tree in its name, I think. Maple something. But then Moonclaw said she knew another camp was closer...but what was that camp?
It was something that made me really sleepy, I remember that much. Was it named after prey or something? An herb? Something you might eat, at any rate.
Like berries...
My head snaps up. Berry Grove. They went to Berry Grove. But why would they go to an empty camp? Moonclaw was the one who changed the plan...she had to have known it would be empty...
I see her silver eyes as she practically rose from the dead. I see the narrow as she looks after the fleeing FireClan cats. I feel the fear I've been carrying around in me, the fear that Snowflight and Shadowsong....
StarClan.
Berry Grove was silent. Shadowsong looked around, her eyes wide. It was a gorgeous camp, surrounded by jade bushes lush with ripe fruit, nests nestled in trees and dark nettles.
Would I live in a place like this, she thought, If my father hadn't run?
No, if her father hadn't run, she wouldn't exist. Her mother was WaterClan, and that trumped her FireClan father. Still, she looked around the camp curiously.
"Where are they?" Oakclaw asked, voicing everyone's thoughts.
"We should split up," Moonclaw declared. "It's a pretty big camp, they could be hiding. Be stealthy, not aggressive. Medicine cats should try and locate the medicine den, see if it's intact. If there is a battle, we may need some herbs."
Everyone began to split up. Oakclaw sidled over to Shadowsong, "Hey there."
"Oh, go with Gorsefur," she rolled her eyes. "He needs a friend."
"Wow, you really are sweet."
"And tell him that I hope he falls in fox dirt!" Shadowsong called as Oakclaw trotted away. Purring to herself, she looked around. Unsurprisingly, Stormflight and Snowflight had paired up, leaving her alone.
Ugh. New people.
"Mind if I join you?"
Scarcely breathing, she looked over to see Moonclaw. The blue she-cat's eyes were kind, but still sharp and Shadowsong melted a little. She imagined her apprentice-self somewhere inside her, jumping up and down and squealing.
Realizing she had been standing there like a moron for a few seconds, she shook her head, "Not at all. I mean yeah...I mean...okay. Where should we go?"
Moonclaw looked around. "Looks like most of them are heading for the dens...do you want to look around here? I think this is where the representative's den and medicine den are."
Dazed, Shadowsong just nodded. With a faint smirk, Moonclaw turned and led the way towards the shadowy part of the camp.
Even with kits, I could still probably outrun most of the squad. Say what you will about strength in battle, being quick is way more useful.
I smell the overpowering stench of FireClan and feel something rising in my throat. "Oh, dirt..." I mutter.
I swerve into the trees and retch. Apparently my lovely, unborn kittens have decided to stop playing nice and start playing dirty. Really dirty.
It's disturbing- as soon as I'm done, I'm fine. The smell still makes me feel slightly dizzy, but I can continue running.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: kits? Weirdest freaking things ever.
I'm thundering through the forest, and I can see bright bits of sun up ahead. I dash the final length, burst through the trees-
And land on Stormflight.
"Get off get off get-" he starts shrieking before he realizes it's me. I struggle to distangle myself from him.
"You okay?" I look up to see Snowflight staring down at us in amusement.
"Thank StarClan," I gasp. "Guys, Moonclaw is up to something, she knows that Snowflight's FireClan or something. The FireClan cats that were here are gone and she just brought us here to get rid of you."
Snowflight tips her head. "But then why'd she let me partner up with Stormflight?"
That does stop me in my tracks a little. "Who's she patrolling with then?"
Snowflight's eyes widen a little. "Shadowsong," she breathes.
And then we're off running.
"You really do remind me of Darkwillow, you know," Moonclaw said. Shadowsong flattened her ears, ducking her head, unusually humble. "You're smart, a little brash, good in a fight..."
"Thanks," Shadowsong said. "I mean...I've pretty much idolized you, since I was an apprentice. I wanted to grow up and be you, so when I found out you were the commander of our partner squad..."
Moonclaw nodded, but she seemed distracted. They had ventured far into the darkened camp. While most of Berry Grove was splashed by sunlight and barely shaded by bushes, the complex where the medicine den and representative's den were housed was hidden in the trees. Shadowsong wondered why that was. Maybe the medicine cats were shy. Maybe the representative from Main didn't like other cats.
"Their stench is everywhere," Moonclaw growled, curling her lip.
Shadowsong felt her stomach roll a little, but she acted as though nothing was wrong.
"It's strange," Moonclaw said softly. "How time can erase scents, but not blood. Don't you think?"
"W-what?" Shadowsong asked. She felt trapped- insane maniacs, squads of FireClan enemies, unbeatable odds, she could handle all that. But watching the cat she idolized turn into a radical monster, watching her try to hurt Snowflight or even Shadowsong herself...
She'd lost too much of her past. She couldn't lose the perfect image of Moonclaw she held up too.
"How long," Moonclaw said, stepping closer. Her silver eyes were like claws in Shadowsong's heart. "Have you known that Snowflight is FireClan?"
"She's not-"
"Don't lie," Moonclaw growled. "How long?"
Shadowsong narrowed her eyes slightly. The snarky part of her, the part that could remain cold and untouched by any situation, was realizing that Moonclaw knew how to spot a lie. Which made her job harder. The other part of her, the starry eyed she-cat who'd lost her little sister, was simply seeing another reason that Moonclaw was the best of the best.
"She came to WaterClan of her own free will," Shadowsong said loyally. "She's honest and she's helped us-"
"She's their assassin, isn't she?" Moonclaw hissed, tail lashing. This wasn't going well. Shadowsong had hoped, at least, Snowflight's past as FireClan's most notorious assassin (along with Lionwing) would escape notice.
"She's WaterClan," Shadowsong said fiercely. Maybe a little too fiercely. Moonclaw regarded her and Shadowsong felt like the she-cat was sifting through all her secrets, trying to find the most incriminating one.
"Little defensive, aren't you?" Moonclaw narrowed her eyes even further. "I knew the whole lousy squad of yours were sympathizers, but you...I thought you were like me."
If Shadowsong were a better cat, she would have said something cool like 'I'll never be like you!' and then she would have rushed forward and started the epic battle.
"I can't be like you," she finally whispered. The words dragged through her throat like thorns. Because she wasn't saying them because she necessarily disagreed with Moonclaw: Shadowsong would smite anyone down who hurt her, regardless of their Clan. She was saying it because she wasn't WaterClan. She wasn't pure. She was polluted, she was stuck, cleaved in half by a border.
"I can't..." she tried to explain further, in a way that would simultaneously save everyone and restore Moonclaw to her former reverence.
Of course, Moonclaw, being the legend she was, put two and two together. "You're one of them too," she hissed. All traces of the big-sister-figure she had been minutes before were gone.
"N-no," Shadowsong stammered. "My mother was WaterClan..."
It was the wrong thing to say. Moonclaw didn't say a word, but her eyes said it all. Shadowsong was even worse than Snowflight- Shadowsong was proof that a FireClan cat and a WaterClan cat could love each other, could raise a daughter who Moonclaw may have admired. Proof that WaterClan could be tainted.
Somewhere in the camp, Stormflight let out a brief, surprised, yowl. Neither Moonclaw, nor Shadowsong moved.
"I'm loyal," Shadowsong finally said, finding her spark. "And my parents don't change that."
"If you're loyal," Moonclaw said, almost sadly. "Then you'll thank me."
She lunged forward before Shadowsong could say a word. Her paws were on Shadowsong's throat, crushing it. Shadowsong gasped for air, but there was none to find. Black spots danced across her vision, and she knew she should fight back but she hesitated, and then she was too weak...
The sound of paws rushing into the clearing was the last thing she heard before she blacked out.
"Stop!" Stormflight yowls. He throws himself at Moonclaw. Snowflight darts over to Shadowsong, whispering frantically.
I hesitate for a moment. I can launch myself into the fray as well, even though I'm with kits. I can run, go find Gorsefur and hang behind.
Instead, I lurch over to Shadowsong. Snowflight looks up at me and I nod, "Go. I'll take care of her."
Barely nodding at me, the white she-cat joins the battle. I can't help but watch her for a moment- she's graceful and terrifying and I remember when we were all scared of her. Even Stormflight, a little.
But things change.
I crouch over Shadowsong. Her eyes are closed and she looks like she's asleep. I lean over her so that my ear hangs by her nose. After a few heart-stopping seconds, I think she's...gone. But then, her breath, faint and shallow, but there, tickles my ear. I almost let out a shriek of relief.
I look up to see how Stormflight and Snowflight are doing. Moonclaw hasn't gotten her reputation for nothing- both of them are darting around her, but she dodges and slashes like she's made of water. Like she doesn't need something as simple as her own body to limit her.
"What's going on?"
I look up to see the two toms from Moonclaw's squad looking at me. They partnered up, I remember. And if they heard us, the others are probably on their way.
"Um...Moonclaw tried to kill Shadowsong."
Something flashes in their eyes. They pad past me, over Shadowsong, to the fight.
"Brookfall..."
I look down. Shadowsong's looking up at me with hazy amber eyes. Her voice is ragged, but she still tries to talk, taking in breath after breath. "It wasn't her fault," she says slowly. "It wasn't Moonclaw's fault."
How was it not her fault? She intentionally led the squad here to kill them or something. But I nod, seeing the desperate need in Shadowsong's eyes. She isn't trying to convince me- she wants to believe the lie herself.
"Brookfall!"
I glance back up to the fight and hiss. The two toms, instead of helping us, have cornered Stormflight, leaving Snowflight to face down Moonclaw. I look behind us and see Gorsefur and the others running for us. They'll be here soon, but it won't be soon enough.
I want to fight.
But I can't risk the kits. I won't risk them.
But Stormflight and Snowflight need help now.
"Moonclaw!" I call desperately. I really don't expect her to turn, but she does. Gives me the look that withers plants into the ground and makes kittens regret asking for a story. I really wish I was Adderscar, so I could make up some psychobabble about how loosing her sister warped her and yadda yadda.
Of course, if I were Adderscar, I'd have a broken leg.
"So, did you here the story about the EarthClan windstorm?" Everyone's looking at me now, even half-dead Shadowsong, and they all have the exact same look on their faces. Is that good?
I take silence as a 'no'. "So this windstorm blew threw the forest and killed this big colony of squirrels. It was a windfall of prey!"
Dead silence.
"And that story about how the WaterClan swimming mentor couldn't understand why his students were scared of the river. He said 'Water you waiting for, get in!'"
Before I can start on another pun, I hear pawsteps behind me. Without a word, Oakclaw and Gorsefur lunge into the frozen fight and start it up again. The russet she-cats from Moonclaw's squad are lying back a ways, unconscious.
"Now I kinda wish I had died," Shadowsong mutters, closing her eyes. She has a smirk plastered on, but I can see the tears, darkening her black fur.
"We can't let them live," Oakclaw says. He's curled himself around Shadowsong, and she's asleep. Unconsciously, she leans into him and he looks down at her every once in a while with warm eyes. "They'll tell Waterstar about Shadowsong and Snowflight. Shadowsong might get off, but Snowflight would get killed or put in prison or something."
"We can't kill them!" Grayleaf points out. "Even if they deserved it, that's murder."
"Because we don't murder the rest of the time," Stormflight mutters.
"We could surrender them to FireClan," I say.
"That might work for the others, but Moonclaw...they'd kill her anyways."
We all fall silent, and finally, Gorsefur says, "Look, we can't make Snowflight stand guard over them forever. What are we doing?"
It's almost too easy.
Just like Appleshade said, reinforcements arrived at Berry Grove a few days later. Their job was to scent out the WaterClan patrol that had decimated the camp, track them down, and ensure that it didn't happen again.
It looks like two squads had come. More than enough. After standing guard over Moonclaw and her squad, we were all tired and ready to go home. As soon as the FireClan cats caught sight of us, they started to race over.
The tricky part was that we couldn't let any of them get away, but we couldn't be caught ourselves.
At the last possible moment, Gorsefur yowls and our squad breaks ranks. As expected, the FireClan cats head mainly for Moonclaw's cats, still struggling to stand up. A few dart after us, but we soon lose them.
As soon as the cats chasing us give up, we slow to a stop. Shadowsong goes with Oakclaw to find water. She looks haggard and I can't fault her for that. Snowflight is silent, despite Stormflight's attempts to chat with her.
"Brookfall."
I look up to see Gorsefur padding towards me. I duck my head, "Look, I know, I shouldn't have come after you..."
"You saved Shadowsong and Snowflight," he points out, whiskers twitching. "Probably the rest of us too. And you didn't have to fight off hoardes of enemies to do it."
I look up at him. "I don't want to be one of those queens who has kits and then just...stops living her life. I want to love our kits, but I don't want to be limited by them." The unspoken fear I've been carrying around tumbles out of me. "Does that make me a bad mother?"
"Of course not," Gorsefur's golden eyes are soft. Then he purrs. "However, telling terrible puns to distract bloodthirsty cats from killing your friends...that might make the kits a little upset...."
I groan. "I really wish you hadn't heard that..."
"I wouldn't trade it for the world."
I snort, "I would."
Gorsefur wraps his tail around me, touching his nose to mine. "I wouldn't trade you for the world," he murmurs.
I let myself enjoy it for a second, then regretfully pull away. "At least we get to go home now."
Gorsefur's eyes are tired, but then brighten as he purrs. "Yeah. At least we get that."