This is a songfic by Rainy. Part of the Kiss collection.The OA is Carly Rae Jepsen. Special thanks to Misty for Beechwhisker's name.
Firestrike & Beechwhisker Beautiful Deersoul & Coaldust Lightningblaze & Moonpetal |
I know, I know it's been a while
I wonder where you are, and if you think of me
As I sit in a secluded, shady corner of the RainClan camp, trying to eat my prey, I allow myself the luxury of letting my thoughts wander. And instead of traveling to hunting tactics or fighting moves, they travel to a much more touchy subject. Toms.
Firestrike.
Instinctively, I look around the camp, but he's nowhere to be seen. He might be out hunting or on a border patrol; nevertheless, disappointment gathers in my chest. Whatever he was doing, he probably wasn't thinking of me. I meant nothing to him at all; it was foolish fantasy to convince myself otherwise. And yet I couldn't help it.
Sometimes, 'cause you're always on my mind
You know I had it rough, tried to forget you but
No matter how much I tried to get Firestrike out of my mind, he wouldn't leave. It was like his image had been imprinted there, for better or for worse, and I could never be rid of it. At this point, I wasn't sure if I wanted to.
I was the last cat anyone would expect to be mooning over a tom. I'd always been independent, headstrong, and quite mule-headed. So why now? What was so special about Firestrike?
The more that I look around, the more I realize
You're all I'm looking for
Nearby, Specklenose's flirting with Russetmoon. The pretty - and airheaded - she-cat twirls and giggles and laughs, clearly charming her way into the tom's heart. I curl my lip in disgust. That's part of the reason I prefer to consider toms as only friends; I don't want to turn into one of those. We have enough Russetmoons and Moonpetals(two of the biggest flirts in RainClan) in the world; we don't need anymore.
And yet, looking at Specklenose's smitten face, I realize something. Firestrike never gets all moon-eyed like that, just because a she-cat is pretty or charming. He never gives in to anyone's flirting. He's not like the other toms. He is special. Everything about him is special.
If I had to choose a mate, could I honestly say I wouldn't choose him?
What makes you so beautiful,
is you don't know how beautiful you are to me
"Beechwhisker!"
Turning, my heart warms as I see Firestrike padding toward me, a bouqet of pink flowers in his mouth. A petal lands on his nose and he sneezes, but keeps ahold of his precious bundle. "Hi," I say, not daring to hope such a pretty gift could be for me. Okay, I can't help hoping, but I know they're not.
He lays the flowers at my paws, blushing bright red under his ginger pelt. "I... I found these growing out. They're the first wildflowers of newleaf and I- I thought of you when I saw the. So I brought them back. I thought you might like them."
Speechless, I can only blink at him. He thought of me? He thought of me.
The thing was, he had no idea how much that fact meant to me. How much the flowers meant to me. And somehow, he made my day wonderful, as if it was something natural. As if it was meant to be.
You're not trying to be perfect
Nobody's perfect, but you are, to me
Earnestly, like a little kit, he mews, "Do you like them? If they're just a bother I'll-"
"I love them," I blurt out. Lowering my lashes in embarrassment, I mew softly, "Thank you."
A smile lights up his face, like the sun breaking over the horizon. "No problem. I'm just glad I could make you happy." He crimsons even more and changes the subject. "How was your day?"
I decide to follow the course he sets for the conversation, though all I really want to do is tell him how truly amazing and pure he is for what he did. "It was great." Laying my head down, I breathe in the sweet essence of the flower blooms. They smell like newleaf. Like hope. Like young love.
And despite the fact that no tom has ever made me starstruck, as I listen with rapt attention to Firestrike's story about his hunt earlier in the day, I realize that the way my heart is beating betrays my true feelings. And the thing is, I don't mind.
It's how you take my breath away
Feel the words that I don't say
I wish somehow, I could say them now
Oh, oh, I could say them now, yeah
"... and when I jumped at the squirrel, it darted out of the way, and I slammed into a tree," Firestrike ends regretfully. He touches a paw to his nose with a sheepish grin. "I was a mouse-brain, but I really wanted to get that mouse."
I laugh lightly and touch my nose to his ear. "Silly, but I've done worse."
We fall silent, gazing at each other. I want to look away but find I can't. Though this is something new, I almost like it. That feeling of being the only two cats in the world... is this what all those dreamy-faced couples go crazy over? I can almost understand it now.
Somehow, in some way, I want to convey some of the feelings that are rising up within me. But I just can't; it's like there's a force stopping me from doing so. Instead, I move a little closer. Firestrike's emerald eyes glow in the evening light, and I realize he can feel my emotions. He understands.
But it's not enough. For such a sweet, shy tom to believe I actually like him, I need to say so. Need to show him. And that's something I can't do.
Yet.
Just friends, the beginning or the end?
How do we make sense
When we're on our own
It's like you're the other half of me
At that moment, Russetmoon walks by. When she sees us, her eyebrows shoot up, and she hurries over to Moonpetal, a devious glint in her eyes. "Look over there," she says, loud enough for the entire world to hear, in my opinion. "It's Beechwhisker and Firestrike. I knew those two were perfect for each other!"
My face goes hot. Even though I can't figure out how I feel about Firestrike myself, that gives them no right to spread rumors.
We're just friends, I tell myself. And usually I'm okay with that. Just being friends with toms. But with Firestrike... somehow that doesn't seem enough. When I think about him becoming mates with another she-cat, having kits, a void seems to open up in my heart. One that only being near him can close. It's like he completes me, fills a part of me I never knew was missing. Until now.
I feel incomplete, I should've known
Nothing in the world compares to the feelings that we share
So not fair
Actually, maybe I had noticed the missing part, only in subtle ways. When I saw couples together, I can't say all of me was filled with disgust. A small part always wondered, Could a tom ever love me like that? And I always answered myself no. That was when I started to despise romance. I had never viewed it as what I see it as now: something pure and sacred between two cats.
I glance at Firestrike out of the corner of my eye. He's looking back at me; we both flush and drop our gazes. A certainty that no other cats have ever experienced such a bond rises in me. This is something for only Firestrike and me. If I can work up the courage to tell him how I feel.
What makes you so beautiful,
is you don't know how beautiful you are to me
You're not trying to be perfect
Nobody's perfect, but you are, to me
"Hey, how about a walk in the woods? I know it's late, but it's fine with me if it's fine with you." There's such hope in Firestrike's voice that I wouldn't have turned him down even if I wanted to- which I didn't.
With a smile, I purr, "Sure."
Side-by-side, we exit the RainClan camp and enter the woods. Golden shafts of sunlight converge into pools on the ground and cast halos above our heads. The air is fragrant and moist with the smells of early newleaf: the freshness of morning dew, the sharp tang of new berries, the perfume of wildflowers, and the sweetness of newly-made honey among the trees. I take in a deep breath, reveling in my surroundings. Firestrike watches me with a kind of tenderness I can't put words to. It sends a thrill through me which I can't explain.
Gently brushing my pelt with his, I murmur, "This is nice."
"It sure is," he breathes. The evening breeze wraps me in a cocoon of his scent, a fact I don't mind at all. Without thinking, I nestle closer against his shoulder. For a second he freezes, then hesitantly lays his tail over my shoulder.
It's just the right thing to do; I feel like I'm in heaven. How does he always know how to make me happy, no matter what? It's a gift no one's ever had, a gift no one's ever shown me.
You try to take my breath away
Feel the words that I don't say
I wish somehow, I could say them now
"Firestrike," I whisper hazily, feeling half-delirious with the richness of the twilight.
"Beechwhisker." My name is like a puff of cloud or the soft fall of a raindrop, coming out of his mouth. It sounds so much more beautiful then who I really am. But then again, Firestrike could make anything sound beautiful. Even me.
I love you. The words are a storm building inside me, desperate to get out. I yearn to say them so badly that when I hear the, it takes me a moment to realize I wasn't the one who said them.
"I love you."
When I do come to the conclusion that it was Firestrike who spoke, I freeze. So does he. Our eyes lock. My heart is hammering inside my chest. "D- Do you really mean that?" I ask, half in dread and half in hope.
There's no uncertainty in his voice, despite his quietness, as he whispers, "Yes."
Oh, it's not you, blame it all on me
I was running from myself
My breath comes in short gasps. I can't tell if this is a dream come true or a nightmare. Before I can say anything though, Firestrike blurts, "I'm sorry. I really am. To burden you with such a confession... when you clearly don't feel the same way. It's not your fault. It's mine."
Are those tears shimmering in his eyes?
Full of self-loathing, I mew fiercely, "It is most certainly not your fault. It's mine. I couldn't see it; I was blind. Blind to how I felt for you."
His jaw drops. "How do you feel for me?" he asks, his voice husky.
"I... love you too."
Cause I couldn't tell how deep that we
We were gonna be
I was scared it's destiny, but it hurts like hell
Hope it's not too late, just a twist of faith
Incredulously, he repeats, "You love me? How?"
I know there's no way out of it; I have to account for my behavior if I ever want to convince him that he truly does mean a lot to me. "Look, I've always liked you more then other toms," I say quickly, hoping to make this brief. But once the words come, they don't stop. "But I never thought of myself as a kind of she-cat who needed a tom. I thought that I could do everything myself, that I didn't need to rely on everyone. I looked down on 'saps' who fell for romance. And then I met you, and everything you did was so perfect and pure... and I couldn't help it. I was falling for you."
"Still I wouldn't believe it. I tried to pretend we were just friends. That that was all it was. But I can't deny it any longer." I take a step closer. "I need you in my life. That is... if you'll have me."
I wait there in the silence, hoping that it isn't too late, that I haven't botched the only chance I'll ever get at true love. Because there can only ever be one tom for me. I know that now. And he's standing right in front of me, holding my heart in his paws. What will he do with it?
What makes you so beautiful,
is you don't know how beautiful you are to me
You're not trying to be perfect
Nobody's perfect, but you are, to me
Slowly, a smile blooms across Firestrike's face. With it, an idiotic grin spreads across my own face, as if on instinct alone. "Beechwhisker," he says softly. "Don't ever even think I could stop loving you. No matter what you did, I would love you. You mean everything to me. To let you go would be worse then death."
And he did it again. Said exactly what I needed to hear. "Oh Firestrike. You're perfect. There's no one else for me but you." I stumble against him, and he holds me up with his strong frame. Burying my face in the softness of his fur, I whisper, "You're perfect, hear me? Perfect. Beautiful."
It's how you take my breath away
Feel the words that I don't say
I wish somehow, I could say them now
It doesn't take a lot to read my mind right now, but he says the words anyway. I don't mind. I want to hear them, over and over again. We say them together, murmuring against each other's lips.
"I love you."
Oh, oh, I could say them now, mmm