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Episode 8, Season 6 of War.
I should start this tomorrow, unless I can't sleep. xD Enjoy!
Battle Scars[]
Adderscar jolted awake. At first he thought it was his leg- the blinding pain would wake him up sometimes. He wouldn't be able to breathe until, as swiftly as it came, the agony would vanish. But tonight was different.
He looked over to see Oakclaw rushing from the den. "I told him not to eat that squirrel," Adderscar muttered. He got up- a painful process that was equal parts humiliating and agonizing, as he flailed around his nest, gritting his teeth, before finally being able to stand.
Following Oakclaw was pretty easy, as the golden tom had only made it a few dens over before he began retching. "You're sick," Adderscar pointed out. "Better get back to bed."
Oakclaw shook his head, golden eyes fevered. "No, I can't be sick. If I'm sick then you're the only-" he coughed again and leaned back over. Adderscar took a step back- sometimes, well, most of the times, bodily functions were disgusting.
He could understand Oakclaw's panic though. Snowflight had fallen ill two sunrises ago and Shadowsong had passed out that night. Oakclaw was the last healthy one, but he had succumbed to the illness. Which meant their survival was hinged on him, crippled, apathetic Adderscar.
Yaaay.
Finally, Oakclaw turned to head back to the den. He staggered a little, and Adderscar walked beside him to make sure he wouldn't fall. Of course, if Oakclaw did fall, the only thing Adderscar would really be able to do was either jump out of the way or get crushed.
When they made it back to the den, Oakclaw immediately curled back up in his nest. Adderscar stood for a moment, shifted so that he was leaning on his good side.
Grayleaf was off in the medicine dens. Brookfall had made it out so that her kits would be safe. But the others still littered the ground, in various stages of sickness. Gorsefur, the first one to fall ill, was breathing far too shallowly. Stormflight was gaunt- he hadn't had anything solid to eat besides whatever herbs Adderscar found growing around camp for days.
"Adderscar, lie down," Snowflight muttered. "You're making me queasy."
Rolling his eyes, Adderscar sat in his nest. Shadowsong coughed. He stood up again, which took a few moments, then padded back outside.
The moon was cold in the sky. Adderscar looked back to the den, with its smell of sickness and despair.
They're going to die.
"I need to get out of here," he muttered.
Silverflower once told him that he could be doing so much more than some brain in the field. "You're so smart," she'd said, her blue eyes wide with awe. "You could do anything, be anything. So why do you stay with us?"
"Because you're here," he'd replied, touching his nose to hers.
Well, she wasn't anymore. She was dead and gone and it was his fault. So why was he still here? The truth was, he did care about the others. A little. He hated them sometimes, envied them, irritated them. But he did care. And he knew he couldn't just watch them die. He couldn't fail another cat he cared about too much.
He had to think. Had to breathe air that wasn't death-scented. Of course, there was the slight problem that the camp was under quarantine. And with his leg being what it was, he couldn't escape like Brookfall had or try to climb a tree or even fight his way out. It was just him and his brain.
The camp entrance loomed in front of him. It had taken ridiculously long to get this far, but he made it. Guards stood at the ready, watching him warily. A plan quickly formed in his head. He could act like a fight was going on or something, but some guards would still remain.
Fur rustled beside him and he could almost feel Silverflower crouching beside him. Her eyes would be lit up with mischievous light and she would want to save them. She was a medicine cat. She wanted to save everyone.
Maybe he was going crazy.
"What's your business?"
Taking a deep breath, Adderscar whispered an apology to any ghosts of dead medicine cats that might be hovering nearby. She would want this. "I want to go to the graves. My...mate died a few moons ago and I haven't been to see her since the plague hit."
The guards exchanged weary glances. "There's a quarantine..." one finally said.
"You think the dead can get infected?" Adderscar spat.
Some of the guards had the decency to look ashamed. Finally, a younger she-cat stepped forward. She hardly looked old enough to be a warrior, but Adderscar wasn't going to say anything. "I'll escort him," she offered.
"It's dangerous..." one of the warriors began halfheartedly.
Adderscar just looked pointedly at his leg, then back at the guards. They finally moved so that he and the she-cat could get through. Adderscar glowered at a few of the warriors and they just stared back with pity.
He hated being pitied.
The graves were hidden in a grove of weeping willows. The river whispered in and out of it, and the whole place reeked of sorrow. Adderscar had been here before- he'd missed Silverflower's vigil, as he was spying in FireClan, but he had Gorsefur show him where she was buried so he could still visit her.
The visits had tapered off though. It got too hard. How could you try to convince yourself that things were different, that you were different, that you could be better, when your failures were right in front of you?
I miss you, Silverflower whispered in his ear.
Silverflower's grave rested under one of the weeping willows, next to the river. Her parents were fairly important cats and they wanted their daughter to have the best. Even if their daughter's body was, in actuality, somewhere in FireClan.
That bothered Adderscar too. They couldn't even bring her body home. It made him sick, just thinking about it.
The guard waited a respectful distance away while he padded to the grave.
"Hey," he said softly. He could imagine Silverflower climbing the tree she was buried under, could imagine her laughing at him, stuck back on the ground. He was stuck here and she was gone, unreachable. "Sorry I haven't been by lately. I was kinda stranded in Main."
Poor thing.
He could hear her voice so clearly. Like she was right next to him. Cats were supposed to leave you when they died, that was the whole point of dying. But Silverflower stubbornly stayed with him.
"Anyways...the others are kind of in trouble. Bad trouble. I wish you were here, I mean, you are a medicine cat and all, but you would know what to do and I..." he bit his tongue, hating this whole honesty thing. But it was her. "I just don't."
You can save them, she would say, rolling her eyes. How many times do you tell us you're the smartest cat in WaterClan? You know the answer.
But I don't, Adderscar thought in frustration.
Of course, he knew he had to try though. He had to find the cure, he had to save the others. And possibly the Clan. Just another day for him. The first step would be getting away from the guard, but there was one more thing he had to tell Silverflower first.
"Silverflower..." his mouth felt dry. "Look, I know you told me you wanted me to move on. Every time you show up in my dreams, that's all you'll talk about. But I did something bad... it was ages ago, but I've been feeling terrible and I haven't been to visit and-" Adderscar realized he was, uncharacteristically, rambling. He took a calming breath.
"Brookfall and I touched noses. I mean, it was after Badgerstrike showed up and I was kind of a wreck and it was just kind of... sudden. Besides, she's with Gorsefur anyways. And I don't like her." I don't really like anyone, do I?
Silverflower had the prettiest purr and Adderscar could hear it now. She reminds you of me, doesn't she?
"Of course not," Adderscar muttered. Brookfall was gangly and young and full of energy and Silverflower was graceful and mature and gone.
They were nothing alike. Nothing alike.
"Um...excuse me?" he looked up to see the guard. She probably figured he was insane. "You almost ready to go?"
The vision shattered. Silverflower was gone, leaving him cold and alone. I probably am insane, he thought as he nodded curtly.
The guard nodded and turned. Adderscar cast one last look at the willow tree. "I wish I was with you," he whispered. "I wish you were with me."
Silverflower didn't reply..
They were almost back to Main when Adderscar made his move. "Listen," he said. "I need to go. I'm no infected- I've been here since before the plague started and I haven't left since, and I'm not infected. Maybe I'm immune. But I need to go find a cure."
The she-cat looked at him with sad orange eyes. "I promise not to go to any other camps," Adderscar swore. "I just think I can...find something."
He was so certain she was going to say no. But finally, she spoke. "My little sister's dying. Our parents were some of the first to die and now she's dying." Her orange eyes met his again and he saw she wasn't sad because she pitied him- she was like him.
"My friends are sick too," he said softly.
"You really think you can find a cure?" she asked uncertainly. Adderscar just nodded. She took a deep breath. "Fine. I'll tell the others I took you in through the dirtplace tunnel so you could get to your den. Go."
Adderscar turned. "Galepaw," the she-cat said softly. Adderscar looked back curiously. "Her name is Galepaw."
While he yearned to scoff and tell her that her sister's name mattered about as much as a leaf falling from a tree, he just nodded and limped into the forest.
How was Adderscar supposed to find a cure? He wasn't a medicine cat, just a possibly delusional, crippled tom.
His leg was holding out alright, but it wouldn't be long before he had to stop. Once he realized that, he sat down to take a break. He didn't even know where he was going- he didn't want to walk in the completely wrong direction and waste time and energy.
"Okay," he said out loud to the empty forest. "So for some reason, I'm immune or I have an incredibly high resistant to whatever strain of virus this is. Which is ridiculous, because it's not like I'm special. I just have a big brain."
Wow, good work.
"And now I'm making sarcastic remarks to myself..." Adderscar stretched, his leg throbbing slightly. He ignored it.
It was a virus they were dealing with, so the cure had to be something that the cat ingested. The medicine cats had (obviously) exhausted most of their herb supplies trying to find a cure, but none of them had worked out.
So what was this mystery herb?
Adderscar wanted badly to pace. It might help him think, but for obvious reasons, he couldn't. He settled for grooming his paw.
Maybe while he was out here, on a wild herb hunt, Gorsefur was choking on his last breath. Or Shadowsong slipped quietly into StarClan. Granted, he couldn't really imagine Shadowsong doing anything quietly...
"Shut up," he muttered to himself. "You're not helpful."
StarClan, I am going crazy.
"So, for some reason, I'm not getting sick. Which, based on the facts pretty much everyone else in Main is sick, implicates that it's not just some random immunity. I mean, someone else would be bound to have it too, wouldn't they? So it must be something I did or something I ate..."
That was an interesting thought. He'd been in the medicine dens plenty while his leg was recuperating, but that mostly involved taking poppy seeds for pain and lathering various poultices on his leg. He didn't really have to eat any herbs that would be viable as a cure.
Before that, the squad had been tromping around the border. The only thing he ate there was a couple mice that he got to before Oakclaw could eat them. Before that they were just relaxing at Main after Waterstar died...he remembered missions after missions. And quite a few trips to the medicine den, but usually for someone else.
So, before his leg, the last time he was at the medicine den was...
"Thundercloud," he gasped.
Due to Thundercloud's diabolical scheming, his access to a mole in WaterClan, and Adderscar's own idiocy, he'd been poisoned a few moons back. He had hazy memories of that time- most of the time he had been so zoned out on poppy seeds that he had no recollection of the waking world.
He remembered two distinct things though.
Silverflower visited him more than ever. Maybe it was because he was hanging so close to death. But, despite that, his memories of that were among his favorites. When the squad finally got their acts together and saved him, he confessed to Brookfall that he wished they'd just let him die. Hurray for depression.
The second thing was the herb the squad had to go get to cure him. The berry he had been poisoned with was fairly rare, so the herb to cure it wasn't all that common either. Only two patches existed close to Main, and the medicine cats didn't usually keep it in their stores.
That's it.
"I did it!" he yowled. A flock of started birds flew off and Adderscar composed himself. "Of course I did it," he amended. "I am the smartest cat in all of WaterClan."
He wanted to hear her voice so badly. Congratulating him, telling him she knew he could do it. But there was only silence.
Sometimes it was like that. He could imagine Silverflower's voice for a little bit, but then she would leave him. And no matter what sentimental dirt cats said about loved ones never really leaving you, she was gone. He would never get back to her, not in this lifetime, only after it.
Sometimes he was scared he couldn't wait that long.
Getting up, Adderscar hesitated. Should he go to the fields himself or should he go report back to Main?
"Pft," he finally meowed. "I did all the work. They can go get it themselves." And with that, he limped back to Main.
"We call them furryleaves," Dewdrop, the friendly medicine cat, explained to Adderscar. "Just because it feels so...furry. We knew it was good for expelling most poisons, but we had no idea of the long-term effects."
"Do you know what causes it?" he asked curiously.
Looking disappointed, Dewdrop shook her head. "Like I said, it seems to be some kind of long-term effect. Cats are improving- this will keep them from dying while the leaves work their magic. But we're hoping that in less than a quarter moon everyone will be back to normal."
"And until then?"
She purred. "Your friends will be fine- a little weaker, a little sleepier. But they'll live."
Adderscar nodded and stood to leave. Then he remembered something and, almost embarrassed, turned back to the medicine cat. "Does the name Galepaw sound familiar to you?"
Dewdrop tipped her head. "She wasn't one of my patients. But my friend, Juniperleaf, she had an apprentice named that. Poor little thing was practically dying while we gave her the furryleaves. But she made it. Do you know her? Is she your sister or something?"
"Or something," Adderscar said as he nodded to Dewdrop in thanks and padded out.
I didn't fail, he thought, hoping Silverflower could hear him. I didn't fail.
"There he is!" Oakclaw called. Since he was the last to fall ill, the cure seemed to work the quickest on him. He was still a little tired and got dizzy sometimes if he stood for too long, but he was obviously getting better.
Gorsefur, the one Adderscar had been worried about the most, was sitting up on his own now. He was still having trouble keeping food down, but Adderscar would rather that over him dying.
"So, how does it feel to be a hero?" Oakclaw asked. He smirked, "It happens to me so often I forget what that first rush feels like."
"It feels like I wish I had found a herb to make you shut up," Adderscar retorted. Oakclaw rolled his eyes and muttered something.
"Thanks for saving all of our lives Adderscar," Snowflight said. Her voice was raspy, but her eyes were bright again.
"Hmph," he padded out of the den with the intention of getting some prey.
"Hey, wait!"
"Oh StarClan save me..." Adderscar turned. "Oakclaw, get back in the den! You almost died a day ago, you need to rest!"
Oakclaw skidded to a halt in front of him. "I know, and I will. But are you okay? I mean, usually you'd be rubbing our faces in your intelligence and general greatness."
"Haha," Adderscar said flatly. "I'm great. Now will you leave me alone?" He turned to walk off but curse it all Oakclaw wouldn't shut up.
"Look, Adderscar, there's a bit of a difference between a plague and someone getting killed in battle."
"So?"
"So," Oakclaw said patiently. "You saved us. You saved the Clan. Be happy. But don't think that this means you could've saved Silverflower, because you couldn't have."
Adderscar glared at him for a moment, then nodded to his leg. "You see that?"
"You mean the big ugly spot where it was broken?"
"No, you idiot. The scar."
Oakclaw narrowed his eyes a little as he found the scar from the adder bite that gave Adderscar his name. "Ye-es."
"Everyone agreed I should have died," Adderscar said. "Everyone. But finally my parents found one medicine cat who at least tried to do something. It took three days and I can still remember how much it hurt, but they got the venom out. They changed my name because of it, but I was alive."
"Adderscar," Oakclaw said. "No offense, but what's your point?"
"My point," Adderscar spat. "Is that anyone can be saved."
"You're not a very good cynic if you believe that," Oakclaw observed.
It's what Silverflower would think. I'm trying to be like her, I'm trying to be better, but I can't because when she died she took all my decency with her.
Adderscar sighed. "Fine. Then my point is that StarClan is composed of a bunch of geniuses. Because they obviously realized I was a brat and left me down here. But Silverflower? They snatched her up as soon as they could."
He stalked off, leaving Oakclaw behind him.
He was just trying to help you, Silverflower said softly.
"I don't need help," Adderscar growled. Of course, he knew that, since he was hearing a dead cat, he probably did.
Adderscar was tired and cranky and to be honest, all he wanted was to go back to the den and sleep for a moon. His leg hurt and he had a headache. But he knew Oakclaw would just try to talk to him and everyone else would thank him and, StarClan, he just wanted to be alone.
A huge oak tree sprouted from the forest floor and Adderscar padded up to it. The knots and gnarls of its branches made a perfect cove for sleeping in, and most of them were already covered in moss. He curled up in one and closed his eyes, trying to will sleep to come to him.
"Adderscar, there are probably hundreds of snakes and rats and other disgusting creatures in that tree."
"It's not like I care," he muttered, not bothering to open his eyes. Silverflower could echo at him from his head all she liked, but he knew this wasn't real.
"Open your eyes, you stubborn idiot." There was a purr that sounded so heart-wrenching real that Adderscar opened his eyes.
He heard Starpaws describe their visits into StarClan, and he never entirely bought it. But when Silverflower visited him in his dreams, everything did seem...brighter, somehow. That was how he knew he had slipped into sleep, that he wasn't just hearing her echo: he was hearing her.
While he lay here dreaming, her ghost was visiting him. Not just the ghost of her ghost he kept in his head.
Silverflower stood in front of him. Her fur was practically a star on it's own; it had been naturally bright in life, and death made her a beacon of silver light. Her blue eyes were loving as she gazed at him. "Aren't you going to say hello?"
Scrambling from his nest, Adderscar darted towards her. "Silverflower-"
"You need to stop doubting yourself so much," she chided. "You're not going crazy you know. I do talk to you sometimes."
"Can you read my mind now?" Adderscar asked, feeling ease wash over him as it always did when Silverflower was near.
She rolled her eyes. "Of course not. You just make the cutest faces when you get upset." She tried to mimic one and started laughing. Adderscar let out a purr, but his heart wasn't in it. Silverflower tipped her head, "What's wrong?"
"You have to stop," he whispered. She blinked in confusion and Adderscar dug his claws into the ground, forcing himself to continue. "You have to stop...talking to me like that. I love you Silverflower, I always will, but...but I can't..."
"Move on," she whispered, tears welling in her eyes. "Oh, Adderscar, I'm so sorry!"
"No!" he didn't want this, didn't want to see her crying. "It's just...I love having you with me, in my dreams. But if it spills into real life..." he looked up at her, tortured, begging her to understand.
And, like the perfect cat she was, she nodded. "Of course, Adderscar." She purred again. "I'm so proud of you..." Her eyes sparkled. "And you and Brookfall? How...scandalous!"
"Shut up!" he yowled in panic, leaping at her. They tumbled and rolled, both of them laughing. "I never should've told you about that," he gasped, unable to breathe because he was laughing and he was just so happy. Silverflower was here and in this dream-world, his leg felt fine...
"I miss you," he whispered. His eyes found Silverflower's, and she looked back at him with her river blue eyes. The river and her eyes- you could drown in either of them.
"I miss you too," she touched her nose to his. "But you were right- you need me less." Seeing his horrified expression, she purred. "I'll still visit you. All the time. But you need to live your life." a cloud crossed her sunny face. "I just get so...lonely, you know?"
Adderscar just nodded.
Silverflower too a breath, and then she was as achingly beautiful as ever. "Go back to the den," she commanded, gently. "Hang out with them all for me. And I'll visit you when you fall asleep."
"I love you," Adderscar said.
"Oh Adderscar," Silverflower whispered, as the dream melted around them. "I love you so much and I'm so sorry..."
Adderscar arrived back in camp as the sun was rising. He padded through the dens, pleased by the slight sounds emerging from them. Kits purring and mates talking. Not the sound of labored breathing and the stench of sickness.
All because of me.
...well, mostly because of me.
When he got to the den, everyone was sitting outside. Oakclaw and Snowflight were eating while the others watched hungrily. Apparently they were still too sick to enjoy prey.
"The prodigal son returns..." Oakclaw announced. Adderscar rolled his eyes and sat down.
"Who wants to get me something?" he asked. Stormflight made an exaggerated sigh, then got up and padded off.
"So, how was your mysterious flight into the forest?" Oakclaw asked. Adderscar assumed from his not so subtle wink, what he really meant was: are you still badger-dirt crazy?
"Mysterious," he responded with a smirk. Stormflight returned, dropping a wren at his paws. Adderscar dug in ravenously and finished in a matter of minutes.
"Someone better keep watch, he might eat us in our sleep," Shadowsong muttered. She probably looked the worst, besides Gorsefur. At least she was still making snarky remarks.
Adderscar stood and stretched, his leg stinging only a little. "I'm going to sleep. But before I do..."
They all turned and looked at him and for a moment, he considered saying something profound and deep about how he was glad they weren't dead.
Instead, he smirked. "Someone might want to go get Brookfall."
"Brookfall...?" Gorsefur said. His eyes snapped open and he struggled to get up, "Brookfall!"
"Relax, I'll go get her," Oakclaw sighed. "Jeez."
Adderscar purred as he headed into the den. Silverflower was waiting.