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Shattered Dreams

~Part 1 Fireleap~

There is no remedy for love. 

But to love more. 

"Suntail likes you."

The three simple words that came out of Cocopelt's mouth made my heart leap with joy. But how had she found out?

"How do you know?" I asked her, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. Morning light peeked through the brambles of the warriors den as Cocopelt described me all of the details.

"I asked him, and he said that he likes you!" Cocopelt giggled. I could feel my heart fluttering with happiness. 

"That's great!" I cheered. I looked around. "C-can I ask him to go hunting with me?" I asked. Hopefully, Suntail would want to be with me. 

"Sure! Go get him," Cocopelt mewed, nudging me forward. Suntail was sleeping in a ruffled nest, and soft snores sounded the air. I quietly nudged him with my paw. 

"What is it, Petaldawn! I'm tryin-" Suntail stopped meowing when he saw me, but I took an awkward step back. 

"Sorry," Suntail panted, starting to lick his fur smooth. "I thought you were Petaldawn." I nodded, feeling myself blush. I shifted my paws. 

"So...wanna go hunting with me?" I asked, struggling to sound casual. Our gazes locked for a second.

"Sure!" Suntail agreed. Trying not to smile to hard, I led him to the hunting grounds. But unfortunately, my luck busted when I bumped into Petaldawn. 

"Oh h-hi Petaldawn!" I tried to sound casual. Petaldawn glared. 

"Are you guys going hunting? Why didn't you invite me?" She hissed. Suntail glared back. 

"Well, maybe because you never catch any prey. All you want is for us to hang around and talk to you. And remember, the world doesn't revolve around you," Suntail pointed out. Petaldawn looked surprised. 

"Don't worry. I'll do my best, Suntail," she mewed, laying her tail on his back. Shaking it off, he stalked to the hunting grounds. Petaldawn caught up to him. 

"Don't worry, Sun. I forgive you," she giggled. Suntail took a deep breath, and he looked as if he was trying not to screech in frustration. 

I felt a bit worried. Petaldawn obviously wanted Suntail for keeps, which meant that she wanted to get rid of me. But would she succeed? 

Suntail drank the air. 

"I smell a raven," he mewed. "I'm going to go catch it." His yellow pelt disappeared in the trees. I sniffed for prey, but felt a sharp prod in my shoulder. 

"Hey!" I hissed. Whirling around, I saw Petaldawn giving me the nastiest look I'd ever seen. 

"Let me get this to you straight," she hissed, stepping forward. "Suntail is mine. Lay a paw on him, and you'll wake up in a pool of your own blood. If you're lucky enough to."

Shocked, I stumbled backwards. This was the worst threat that Petaldawn had ever given me! But I recovered quickly. 

"You don't have to be so greedy, Petaldawn," I spat. Petaldawn's lilac fur began to fluff up with anger. 

"Well he was mine to begin with, and Suntail wouldn't like a runt like you!" With a screech, Petaldawn lunged at me, bowling me over. 

"Hey!" I hissed. She sank her teeth into my shoulder, and blood welled around it. Yowling in agony, I slipped out of her grip. I jumped at her, raking my claws down her forehead. 

"Maybe you should just do every cat a favor and disappear! You're nothing but a piece of fox-dung!" Petaldawn knocked my head against a stone, and scarlet liquid smeared against it. She glared at me, lashing her tail. 

"Give it up, Fireleap. Nobody like you." Petaldawn knocked my head against the stone one last time, and everything went black.  

~Later~

"Her eyes are open!" "She's awake!"

The hushed voices of my clanmates swam in my head. Cocopelt and Suntail looked over me, eyes bright with concern.

"What...happened...?" I asked groggily. I was aware of cool air around me, and the strong scent of herbs. The stone wall of the medicine den spun above me. 

"Why am I here?" I demanded. The other cats exchanged a nervous look. Palesong stepped forward. 

"You fell off a tree and hit your head," she explained. "We need to check for concussion. Who am I?" Palesong asked. I rolled my eyes, and gave her the you're-such-an-idiot stare. 

"Duh, you're Palesong. The medicine cat," I meowed. Palesong nodded. Suntail padded forwards, and wrapped his tail around me, sending warmth to my heart. I felt it flutter, and I blushed. Suntail stared into my green eyes with a look of concern.

"Are you OK?" He asked. I nodded.

"I th-think s-so," I stammered. I stared outside of the den. Petaldawn was licking blood from her fur. Then, everything can flooding back to mind.

Petaldawn had threatened me, and then attacked me! And of course, she had lied to make the other cats think that I'd fallen from a tree. I felt furious.

"Well, it was a good thing that Petaldawn got you back here in time. The bleeding was pretty bad," Palesong interrupted. A throbbing feeling pounded my head painfully. But I so did my anger and fear. Petaldawn was nothing but an evil liar.

"I should go," I mewed, setting my paw outside the den. But a dizzy feeling rushed in my ears, and I staggered. Suntail was by my side in a flash, but I could not ignore the cold jealous gaze of Petaldawn. 

"You need to rest and stay here for a couple of days," Palesong ordered. "If not, you could get worse. You were lucky to be alive." Petaldawn nearly killed me!

I moaned. The pain was unbearable. For my attempt to love Suntail, I was attacked?! Petaldawn was dangerous. Suntail's soft voice whispered in my ear. 

"You know...you were lucky Petaldawn saved you. It was good of her, and I'm glad she did that." I bit back tears. Petaldawn had not saved me, and she was letting everycat know that she did! There was nothing I could do to prove that she was lying, or only StarClan would know what she would do to me. Fighting back a sob, and wrenched free of Suntail, and curled up in my own nest. Nightmares swam in my head as I drifted off to sleep. 

Very late that night, I awoke to a rustling sound. I pricked my ears, and looked up. Shadows danced outside of the den. 

"Hello?" I whispered softly. No answer. Silence. Then, I glimpsed a figure. It was moving gracefully through the trees. It had broad shoulders, and striped tabby fur. Treading on light paws, I left the den. Suddenly, it hit me. The figure was Dustblaze! 

"Dustblaze, what are you doing?" I whispered. The figure whirled around, amber eyes bright with fear. 

"Um, nothing. J-just going t-to the dirtplace," Dustblaze stammered. I glared suspiciously. 

"Fine," I mewed, going inside of the den again. Dustblaze took a last look around, but then ran in the opposite direction of the dirtplace. I knew something was up. 

I dashed out of the den, and followed Dustblaze. The cold wind wailed and buffeted my fur as still moonlight rested peacefully from above. Dustblaze walked through a patch of tall trees, then came to a halt to drink the air. But what he did next shocked me. 

He walked up to a black she-cat I'd never seen before, and nuzzled her. She licked him on the cheek, and purred. 

"Good to see you," she purred. 

"Same with you."

Rage bubbled inside of me. He'd said he loved Cocopelt! And now, he was on the verge of breaking her heart, if she loved him back. I watched in disgust as the the two cats twined tails. 

"I've missed you."

"Life has been painful."

But a new respect for Dustblaze bloomed in my heart. He was going out of his way and taking a risk just for love. This was not something that many cats dared to do. Maybe Dustblaze couldn't help who he loved. 

But pain pounded my head again, and the rushing sound came to my ears. Time to go back to the medicine den. Getting to my paws, I padded briskly away. 

But whatever happened, I would keep Dustblaze's secret.

~Part 2 Petaldawn~

Where there is light

There is shadow

I can remember all those fuzzy memories of jealousy. When I was a kit, I never got any love. My mother didn't even love me. Of course, Fireleap always got it all. She always stole my thunder. I can remember her shiny orange pelt glistening in the sun, standing for everyone else to admire her. She stole everything from me. Including my Suntail.

Those shining memories when Suntail loved me are still fresh in the back of my mind. But what could I do? Fireleap came crashing in. Then, total disaster. I have absolutely no choice but to bully her, or else I'll drown in my own tears. Because to be honest, Suntail is the only thing keeping me alive. If he weren't here, I would kill myself.

I awoke to bright sunlight streaming through the cracks of the warriors' den. Sitting up, I gave my fur a quick grooming. Maybe I should wake up Suntail.

"Suntail!" I mewed. "Wake up!" I prodded him with my paw. Turning over, he barely opened his eyes to face me.

"Petaldawn..." He moaned. "Let me sleep." Feeling a bit hurt, I glared.

"Whatever," I snarled. I began to leave the den, hoping that he would follow me. But he didn't budge. Feeling a pang of frustration, I looked back at him. He would feel sorry for ignoring me. Because deep down, I knew that he would get up for Fireleap any day. Every cat thought that I thought he loved me, but they have all underestimated me. I'm not stupid, and I know that Suntail doesn't really love me. But it's better to just go with the flow, I guess.

"Look Sun, don't worry. I forgive you for not getting up. I still love you." But he continued to dream peacefully. Ears flattened in frustration, I omped angrily to the hunting grounds. Suntail wouldn't hunt with me, but it was better than nothing. Not that I actually hunted. I drank the air. The scent of mouse was fresh in my mouth. Stalking forwards, I quietly glanced around. A fat mouse was scurrying through the leaves, searching for breakfast. I probably wouldn't catch the mouse, but it was worth a try, I guess. 

But as I was about to pounce, a flash of orange darted through the corner of my eye. Fear prickled my spine as my tail bushed up. Was there a fox?! Sure enough, a stinky smell drifted into my nostrils. There was definitely a fox. I had to get away, but how? There was no way I could hide my scent. I searched for a puddle of mud to roll around in, but I couldn't find one. Desperation and panic crept through me. 

"RAWR!" The angry fox leapt forwards, pinning me down. 

"Aah!" I shrieked, struggling to break free. The fox's hot breath stung my nose as we scuffled in the grass. Then, I sank my jaws into his neck. Letting out a yelp of surprise, the strong animal jumped back. But he quickly recovered. Jumping forwards, he set his sharp teeth into my ankle with a satisfied growl. Blood streamed down my leg, pain shooting my limbs. What if I never returned to camp?! I was but 5 times smaller than this animal, and he could beat me with one slash of a mighty black paw. 

But an idea flickered hope in my mind. It was bitter and cruel, but it would help me. I narrowed my eyes, and channeled my inner depression. With a burst of hatred, I pretended that the fox was Fireleap.  

"Stay away from my Suntail!" I screeched, leaping up to face the vicious fire colored animal. He let out a ferocious growl, but it was really nothing compared to the flames in my soul. Screeching madly, I lunged for his throat. Taken aback by surprise, the fox stumbled backwards. I ripped my jaws into his flesh, and hot blood spattered the ground. The fox tried to growl, but the only sound that it could make was a bubbling of blood from its throat.  

Gleaming hatred in his eyes, he flailed helplessly. But I knew that i had defeat this mighty animal. Even if I had done it in a savage like way. The corpse of the orange animal sat limply on a rock, blood glistening in the sun. Getting to my paws, I headed for the river to get the blood off of me. I dipped my paws in the water, and the stream gladly carried the sticky red liquid away. Then, I headed back for camp, feeling like a hero.  

Once I got there, Rosestar called out to the Clan. "Petaldawn, lead a patrol with Fireleap, Pinedapple. Daisypool, and Squirrelheart."  

Nodding, I beckoned to the other cats to follow me. Fireleap's eyes were glazed with anxiety, and grew dull with dread as she glimpsed the smug look on my face. Daisypool and the others didn't suspect anything, of course. No cat really knew what was going on in my life. 

"You guys go on ahead," I mewed. "But Fireleap, I need to talk to you." It was time to bully Fireleap again. I wanted her to suffer. 

"OK," Daisypool led the patrol away with a flick of her tail. Once Fireleap and I were alone, I hissed at her. 

"Get away from Suntail," I growled furiously. I hated her trying to steal my crush. 

"Never," Fireleap spat. I raked my claw down her cheek, blood wetting my claws. She hjowled in agony, and whipped around. Buy I pounced on her. "I know you lied to Suntail about my injury," Fireleap hissed.

I laughed. "Of course! Why wouldnt I?" I nipped at her hind leg, and she yowled in pain. Fireleap was such an idiot. 

"Stop it!" Fireleap screeched. 

"Why would I?" I laughed cruelly. I was going to torture her as long as I could. She whipped around at me, and scored her claw down my side. I screamed in pain, and Daisypool and her patrol rushed over to us. 

"Petaldawn! What happened?!" Daisypool cried. Her eyes were wide from the sight of my blood. 

"Fireleap...attacked me..." I gasped, faking the harm. I smirked at Fireleap, but the other cats didn't see. 

"Fireleap!" Daisypool hissed. "How could you?" She glared at her friend. Fireleap stared at her paws. Gladly, I knew very well that Daisypool would tell this to the other cats in camp. She loved gossip. 

"I dunno," Fireleap mumbled. A single tear drop wet her paw. I smiled, feeling triumphant. Pinedapple turned to me with sympathetic eyes. 

"Are you OK?" She asked. I nodded, pretending to struggle getting to my paws. 

"Ow!" I pretended to wince. "I can't walk." The other cats stood by me, supporting me. Fireleap's eyes glittered with tears. She deserved this. 

Once we got home, Amberleaf bounded over to us. "Petaldawn!" She gasped. "What happened?!" I sighed, faking my weakness. 

"Fireleap hurt her!" Daisypool hissed. Amberleaf glared at Fireleap. 

"Why would you do that?" She cried. She and Daisypool led me to the medicine den. 

"Palesong, Fireleap attacked Petaldawn." Daisypool meowed. Palesong looked surprised. 

"That's strange," she mewed. "I thought they were friends!" I laid down in a nest, still pretending to be weak. Fireleap should suffer. Palesong gently applied a poultice to my cheek. Outside the den, I saw something. 

Fireleap was speaking shyly to Suntail, and he pressed against her. He twined his tail in hers, purring. Tears burned my eyes. Traitor, I thought. 

Suntail shouldn't love a dork like Fireleap! He should like me instead! But no cat could read my mind. 

But if they did, I would die. 

~Part 3 Hollysnow

The heart was made to be broken

I winced as pain rolled through my belly. It washed over me like an endless wave. But I had known this would happen, and it was completely my fault. Partly Dustblaze's fault as well, but love comes and nothing can stop it. Tonight, my kits would be born. But could I take care of them? Sadly, no. These kits would have to be abandoned. I would regret it, but it was the only chance. If I kept them in my Clan, they would be killed by Frostpool and Brambletail. If I gave them to Dustblaze, I would regret it. My children would suffer in this cold world, and I would feel better knowing they were happy in StarClan. 

Spasms rolled through my belly, pain shattering me. I pushed, and one kit rolled onto the ground. Tears whispering in my eyes, I bent down to lick my daughter. She squeaked, and her soft gray tabby fur ruffled in the wind. I felt so awful. I had to leave my own baby! Sobs choked my throat as the second kit was born. He looked identical to Dustblaze, bold brown tabby fur with black markings. I couldn't stop thinking about how awful a mother I was. 

Wincing, I pushed the third kit out. She was a cream colored she-kit with white spots. I wished I could take care of my children. I gave them one last lick, and stood up. My voice was faint with sobs. 

"I love you babies," I murmured. Their tiny whimpers squeaked out as they rolled around, desperate for warmth. Feeling clogged with tears, I placed them under a soft bush, where they could keep warm...until it was too late. I padded back to camp briskly. 

Don't look back. Don't look back. 

My kits would die soon. Guilt and weakness caked a cold barrier around my heart, making me shiver with depression. I was an awful mother, and Dustblaze would be ashamed of me. 

I wouldn't blame him. 

The tiny cries of my offspring rang heavily into my ears as I padded back to camp. The moon hung happily above, but I was down in the dumps. I wished that I could destroy the tantalizing merry twinkling of the stars. 

Curling up in my nest, I let out soft racking sobs. 

Crying for Dustblaze, who would never meet his kits. 

Crying for my kits, because they would die.

Crying for myself, because I was a horrible mother. 

Why did I even exist? Feeling angry, I unsheathed my claws. I drew a long cut across my paw, to remind me of the pain. Because I deserved it. Life was like math. Me and Dustblaze, divided into two Clans, subtract our kits, multiplying pain. Guilt tore endlessly at my heart, and I could feel nightmares greeting my mind. Sleep drifted over me. 

"You killed Petaldawn!" A furious yellow tabby screeched at me. I backed away.

"No I didn't!" I cried. "Honest!" The corpse of a lilac she-cat was splayed in front of me. Blood soaked her neck, and her eyes were glazed open, as if she was still trying to defeat her attacker. But she had lost the fight. Just like me.

"I know you did," the yellow cat hissed bitterly. "CloudClan!" He screeched. "Attack!" Cocopelt launched towards me, claws unsheathed. Her eyes shone with fury and hatred as cries locked the clearing.

"Dustblaze is mine!" She screamed. "All mine!" I hissed, and swiped a claw at her. Blood lined her neck, making her scream in pain. She kicked at my chest, bowling me over. I could see her flashing eyes as she looked down at me. I knew this was it. I was about to die. But just as Cocopelt was about to bite my neck, Dustblaze leapt in between us.

"Cocopelt!" He screamed.

~Part 4 Cocopelt~

Happiness depends upon ourselves

~Part 5 Fireleap

Because darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

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