This is the pilot of Left To Be ,
It will not start until Wednesday, because that is when it shows.
The battle has been won. Froststar has lost a life, and Timberpelt is dead. Cats cry in anguish, but I don't cry for my leader, or the dead BirdClan cat, but for my sister, Sunpaw.
I stare down at my sister's once beautiful pelt. Her neck has sliced open, and I feel her blood run on my claws. I bury my face in her cold fur. "Sunpaw, I wish I could have saved you." I look up to see a speckled gray tom staring at me. Fury shows in his dark amber eyes. Then he turns tail to go with his Clan. I try to think, Good riddance. But my heart feels sick and heavy. I don't know what to do. That was always her job. She always knew what was right, and what was not. Or at least, I thought.
Applewhisker tries to help me carry Sunpaw's body back, but I insist on doing it myself. She's heavier than she looks, but I am convinced that I can do this. When we enter camp, my parents start to mew in shock. Icefeather looks like she'll never be happy again, and Nettlefang looks like he's going to keel over. StarClan, what are we going to do?
Sunpaw's body lies in the clearing, covered with rosemary and thyme. I can hear Froststar telling our medicine cat, Darkstream, to give me some poppy seeds. But she shakes her head. "I think that she will recover better naturally. I have given her thyme. It's all I want to risk on her delicate body now." They whisper, like I'm not there. Or I'm the squirrel on the fresh kill pile. Normally we'd be happy we won, but I just want to pretend it never happened. Like that will work
. I'm chasing Sunpaw. Her golden fur is whipping through the silver forest. "Catch me if you can!" She mews. It's a game. I follow, but she's so swift, I can't catch her. Finally we stop beside a stream. "Good race!" She mews happily. But her eyes aren’t crystal blue. One of the few traits we shared. Instead, they've turned black, smoke billowing out of her mouth, and darkness speaking. "You. Traitor. You'll be haunted for life. You can run, but you can't hide." The voice is Sunpaw's, but it's twisted, and manipulative. "No! I haven't done anything wrong!" I mew, but the voice goes on. "You call yourself clever! Ha! I've seen kits with better sense than you. You didn't stay out of the way, and look what you've done! Look what you've made me into! And I see a maggoty cat, pure evil, with no eyes or soul. "Look what you've done Shadowpaw." mews the voice. "Look what you did to me!" The voice screeches and cackles, and I wake, heart pounding, and mind rolling. Sparkpaw looks over at me. "You okay? You kept fidgeting." I shake my head, trying not to let my fear show. "No, I'm fine Sparkpaw. Just let me be and it will be fine."
I pad out of my den and over to a small pool of water. It's always crystal clear. I stared over it, but instead of my reflection, I saw Sunpaw. Her face was full of fury and rage. Then she vanished, and once more, I saw my ice blue eyes in the water. "Keep it together Shadowpaw." I mew. "Keep it together." Then my fur fluffs up. "What if I can't?" I shake myself. "You can do this! Keep it together Shadowpaw! Just keep it together!" I yowled at my reflection. At that moment, Burnpaw pads up and stares at me. "Are you talking to... a puddle?" He mews. My face grows hot. How could I be so stupid! Now Burnpaw and everyone else will see me as an idiot!" To him I mewed coolly, "No. Unless you want me too." My response is clearly the wrong thing to say. "Um, whatever." He mews, while I curse myself inside. "Dawnsky wants us to join the Sun-High patrol." It's sun-high? I nod, looking at the puddle. It seemed the same as usual. So instead of speculating, I follow Burnpaw away from the camp. My brain isn't comprehending what should be happening. I just keep seeing Sunpaw, lying on the ground, bleeding her life away. And I can't help but feel that her death is all my fault...
"Shadowpaw?" "Shadowpaw!" "Shadowpaw, are you okay?" I can hear the shouting. Icewhisker, Froststar, Ivypelt, Burnpaw, Sparkpaw, Darkstream. But I can't answer. I can't even feel. I just hear their voices, and sense pure fear.
Those are the words. I can feel Sunpaw breathing down my neck. But if I move, it hurts too much. And my breath is getting slower and slower as I fall. Help me "Will she be okay?" I sit up in my nest, my fur bristling. I can feel the echoes of my dream. Nothing feels real. And the bloody nightmares pull me back in. I can't help but feel lost. There is no escape...