Over Again

This page contains a fanfiction written by Red. This page contains the opinions of the original author(s), and is not patrolled for factual accuracy. Remember that this story is non-canon. It may contain false characters, plots, or locations. Responses, comments & other feedback should be made on the comments section below.

Part of the Songfic Series

OA is One Direction

Over Again

Said I’d never leave her cause her hands fit like my t-shirt,

Tongue-tied over three words, cursed.

I watched her disappear, replaying the moment over and over again in my mind. Her words, lingering in my ears, her tail leaving a trail in the tall grasses. Her head was bowed, but I knew she could feel my gaze on her back from the stiff set of her shoulders.

I never thought I could leave her - and it turns out I didn't have to.

She left me.

Running over thoughts that make my feet hurt,

Body's intertwined with her lips

I slipped dejectedly into my nest that night, my mind buzzing with my last images of my former mate - her glossy tabby fur draped over a slim body, with dainty white paws and a white belly. The soft fur of her muzzle brushing my ear, her tail curling around mine.

A grimace crept onto my face as I recalled our icy first meeting - it hurt to think that I could be so brief and short with the cat I would soon grow to love so much.

Now she’s feeling so low since she went solo

Hole in the middle of my heart like a polo

It was the next Gathering when I saw her.

She was sitting with the rest of the medicine cats, mingling with the deputies at the foot of the Great Rock. I saw her with Brambleclaw, who was seated beside Barkface.

Leafpool looked perfectly fine to me, a sunny smile on her face, her tail curled up. She let out a laugh at a joke that Brambleclaw made. Her giggle was shared by her sister, Squirrelflight, a she-cat with a temper to match her fiery orange pelt. The sisters let the banter continue until Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw padded away. I noted the droop of Leafpool's tail and the light fading from her eyes, and I couldn't help but sigh.

And it’s no joke to me

So can we do it all over again?

We shouldn't have left each other - we were meant for each other, and we both knew it. But somehow...being with her felt wrong, most definitely. But in the same way, being apart, being alone was even more incorrect. The emptiness was filling my stomach like a tough bit of prey, contenting me, but not digestable.

I glowered as I settled onto my paws, shooting the chattering, cheerful apprentices a dark glare. They slunk away to pester another warrior, but my eyes weren't on them.

She, too, was hunched over, her shoulders bunched and her muscles tight. I knew she could feel my gaze on her back, but she didn't turn around, only gazed up at her leader, her father, her expression impassive, her eyes completely blank.

If you’re pretending from the start like this,

With a tight grip, then my kiss

She stood up, stretching, her tail arching over her back, and I mumbled a reply to Onestar was we trundled back to camp, our pelts fluffed up because of the heavy wind blowing off of the moors. I stared into the blustering grasses, not watching where I was walking, and nearly tripped over the large rock poking out of the ground that symbolized one of our borders. The scent of WindClan was heavy around it.

"Hey," a small voice at my ear send, and I turned my head to see Nightcloud, a young, dark warrior padding beside me. Her amber eyes sparkled playfully, but they were flecked with worry. This was true love, I thought, all of this care and empathy she was showing me.

Leafpool never worried about me.

Can mend your broken heart

I might miss everything you said to me

I was too tangled up in my thoughts about Leafpool to notice the rest of Nightcloud's words. I was aware of her voice her words, but I couldn't comprehend them.

"Maybe we could start over again," I murmured, not conscious of voicing my thoughts.

"You think so?" Nightcloud asked, turning to face me, a smile warming her face and causing her brilliant eyes to look positively dazzling. "You think...you really do? You think we could work out?" Her grin was almost uncontainable, and I instantly felt a pang of regret.

And I can lend you broken parts

That might fit like this

"Y-yeah," I stammered, jerked back into the conversation. Maybe Nightcloud's full, warm, caring heart could mend my awful, broken one. Maybe all of my broken parts could help her grow stronger, help my ties to this Clan strengthen.

She repeated herself once more, her voice hesitant, tinged with caution. "You really think so?"

"Of course," I replied, maybe a bit too forcefully. "Of course."

And I will give you all my heart

So we can start it all over again

"I love you, Nightcloud," I said, twining my ash-gray tail with ner night-black one. She purred, truly happy that maybe, for once, I really had noticed her. I didn't have the heart to tell her - or even to admit to myself - that I was hoping, though doubting, that Nightcloud could fill the spot that Leafpool left in my heart. That if I gave her all of my heart, she would repair it.

"I love you too, Crowfeather!" She looked up at me, enthusiasm shining like miniature moons in her amber eyes, a smile lighting up her face. 

Though doubt does fill my stomach even when I think this thought, there is some part of me that desperately wants it to be true. Maybe Nightcloud really can mend my broken heart. Maybe proving this loyalty really will repair me. 

Can we take the same road two days in the same clothes?

And I know just what she’ll say if I can make all this pain go

As I curled up in my den, Nightcloud twitching happily beside me, my thoughts leave the pretty she-cat curled up at my flank. My thoughts leave the night-black she-cat who loves me so dearly (though it's a love that I now know shall never be returned) and wander to the beautiful tabby who dwells too far away.

I was forcibly reminded of the days we spent, dragging ourselves out of the territories, though bone-weary, enjoying each other's company. A quarter of a moon, we spent. Together, happy, content. Mind you, we were separated from those who we knew loved us - and who were doubting whether we loved them. And that was the pain that both of us felt deep in our Clanborn bones. 

Can we stop this for a minute?

You know, I can tell that your heart isn’t in it or with it

My mind carried my thoughts into dreams, warping visions of pretty tabbies into nightmares of vicious she-cats with claws like icicles, all too eager to stuff the deathberries they carried in their claws into my mouth, ready to poison me and watch my body convulse as life slowly left me.

I pictured her, Leafpool, dragging her body across the moors, gazing at me with something resembling happiness in her eyes. But when she would look away, gaze at the mountains facing us, her shoulders slumped in defeat, her tail trailing beneath her legs. Her claws would flex in the grass beneath her feet, and she would snarl beneath her breath at the birds chirping too loudly in the trees. She hated this, I knew, and I could tell her heart wasn't in it anymore.

Not with me.

Tell me with your mind, body and spirit

I can make your tears fall down like the showers that are British

But if she would tell me, I told myself, as I shook sleep out of my ears and readied myself for patrols. Onewhisker looked at me with a bright smile, bouncing on his paws. "Ready for patrol, then, Crowfeather?"

I mumbled absently. "Yeah, sure."

Nightcloud followed us out of the camp, her ears pricked for any sign of danger. She brushed her tail along my flank, a purr emanating from her throat. I smiled to myself - even though I didn't love Nightcloud, it was nice to know someone, whether she-cat, tom, kit, queen, elder, warrior, anyone, cared. That someone made sure that I wasn't completely losing my mind.

Whether we’re together or apart

We can both remove the masks and admit we regret it from the start

We whisked along the ThunderClan border, and as Nightcloud stopped to renew one of the scent markers, I just gazed numbly out at the short expanse of moor before the forest began. Somewhere in there, deep down in the gorge where ThunderClan made their camp, Leafpool was sitting in the medicine den, treating a cat or longing for an apprentice to teach. 

"Crowfeather?" Nightcloud was staring at me with a bit of surprise in her eyes. I smiled in embarrassment, scuffing my paws on the patchy grass, and followed her along the border.

I hurried up to her until we were walking side by side, and she gave a quiet purr. When Nightcloud turned to look at me, her amber eyes were bright, and she giggled at my disgruntled expression, causing a smile to slip onto my face. "I got you!" she cried triumphantly, laughing at the break in my angry facade.

If you’re pretending from the start like this,

With a tight grip, then my kiss

As we reached the end of the territory, we saw a patrol of ThunderClan cats scampering playfully through the forest and their side of the border. Nightcloud's cheerful grin seemed to waver, as though she wished she were one of them, jumping between trees and racing to catch up with each other, hopping into massive piles of crinkly leaves and giggling as they flew up and rained down on the others.

"Why can't we be like that," Nightcloud asked softly, turning wide eyes on me.

I felt hotness rising around my neck. "Well...we...we don't know each other that well, Nightcloud, so...I mean, maybe in the future, we--"

"Not the two of us, silly," Nightcloud mewed, giggling, "the Clan!" I laugh to hide my embarrassment.

Can mend your broken heart

I might miss everything you said to me

"For a starter," I replied as we returned to camp after a quick, pleasant hello with the ThunderClan cats. "We haven't got any trees." This elicits a laugh from Nightcloud, and she purrs, licking my cheek and standing up on the tips of her toes. "And I dunno if Onestar would let us."

"He's not a ShadowClan leader, I'm sure he would," Nightcloud replied, grinning.

We joked all the way back to camp, where we strolled into the small clearing amidst a couple of cheerful conversations and multiple raised eyebrows. After stammering reassurances to the elders and some of the teasing warriors that we had done nothing, we both crept quietly away to the warriors' den, Nightcloud curling up next to me and closing her eyes, her breathing slowing almost immediately as she drifted off to sleep.

And I can lend you broken parts

That might fit like this

I stared at her pelt, so black it gave her her name, and sighed. It was clear she loved me, I knew it, and I wanted with all of my heart to love her back...but some part of me was still attached to Leafpool. Those amber eyes would never hold the depth that Leafpool's had, the ebony-like pelt would never be as warm and soothing as Leafpool's tabby one had been.

But Nightcloud did love me - and I owed to her to repay that love.

It didn't matter if we didn't have kits together. It didn't matter if we were just mates, waiting for the right time. We would be together, and as long as she loved me and thought I loved her, that would be enough. Because she deserved it, because she was there to keep me from insanity.

And I will give you all my heart

So we can start it all over again

You’ll never know how to make it on your own

And you’ll never show weakness for letting go

I guess you’re still hurt if this is over

But do you really want to be alone?

If you’re pretending from the start like this,

With a tight grip, then my kiss

Can mend your broken heart

I might miss everything you said to me

And I can lend you broken parts

That might fit like this

And I will give you all my heart

So we can start it all over again

If you’re pretending from the start like this,

With a tight grip, then my kiss

Can mend your broken heart

I might miss everything you said to me

And I can lend you broken parts

That might fit like this

And I will give you all my heart

So we can start it all over again