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If Leafpool were leader

This is what would happen if Leafpool took over Thunderclan

PART 1

Leafpool: HELLO EVERY CAT! My first decree as a leader is that everyone is to be a medicine cat! :)

Brambleclaw: (le loud cricket noises)

Leafpool: Brambleclaw is Exiled!

Brambleclaw: ... wHFWEHFLEHFLKJLLKSKCLLFHLHLFHOURHLHflHLDHFlkdjflkjlfLjhOFEIhLIJEWorST LEADAER OJGLHLWH LEAF LJGL{POOL} (Leaves camp)

leafpool: Now, second rule! I can marry Crowfeather!

Starclan: YOU LITTLE @$#!%$$%&&#@$#$%%%&*F%%$$#%%#@S@S$#@#%$

Leafpool: (le ignores) Also, Brightheart is exiled because I am jealous.

Half the clan (including Brightheart): (Leaves)

Leafpool: What was that about?

Dustpelt: They were all Brightheart fans.

Leafpool: Ur fired Dustpelt.

Dustpelt: From what

Leafpool: Fired from life. Now go stand under a tree until it falls on you.

Dustpelt: ... (leaves)

Everyone except Leafpool and Squirrelflight: (also leaves)

Leafpool: what was THAT about?

Squirrelflight: Everyone else in the clan was secretly a Dustpelt fan.

Leafpool: (le facepalm)

Should I make another one? Pls give suggestions in the comments!

I made this trash because I was suffering from writers block and needed to write some nonsense. No hate, please.

UPDATE! I AM MAKING MORE OF THIS <3

PART 2

Leafpool: (le chases Dustpelt) COME BACK!

Dustpelt: (Hides under a tree) NAW! NANANABOOBOO YOU ARE A POOPOO\

Tree: (falls on Dustpelt)

Dustpelt: (le dies)

All Dustpelt fans: (Looks at Leafpool murderously) GET HER!

Leafpool: Something tells me those cats aren't very happy.

Squirrelflight: RUN YOU IDIOT!

A bit longer than a few moments later...

Leafpool: I think we lost them...

Crowfeather: Oh hi Leafpool!

Leafpool: OMGOMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMMGOMGOMGOMGOMG KHFHFKHIHDIHKGHKDGHKHJGKJSHDKJHKSDJFHKJHDGHDSFLHSFJLSKDKJFD I LUV UKSHDFJSDHSHDS<DMFNLSDJHLDSKH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Crowfeather: ... (promptly dies)

Leafpool: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Squirrelflight: ... I'm gonna go join the angry mob of Dustpelt fans now. They're right behind you.

Leafpool: ... (turns around) GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Please comment to save Leafpool or I might kill her.

UPDATE: I AM NOT KILLING LEAFPOOL

Part 3

Longtail: (le knocks out Leafpool) BRING HER BACK TO THE TRIBAL LANDS!

Squirrelflight: Wait, what now?

Around fifteen minutes later

Leafpool: (le wakes up in cage) ... Why do I feel like this is the least weird thing that has happened to me?

Longtail: THE SACRIFICE HAS AWOKEN! GIVE HER TO OUR GOD! (le points to Dustpelt's corpse) O GREAT GOD DUSTPELT! DO YOU LIKE OUR GIFT!

Dustpelt's corpse: (is dead)

Longtail: DUSTPELT GOD LOVES IT! THROW HER INTO THE DUST PIT!

Leafpool: What is the Dust Pit? OH NO YOU DON- (is thrown into a used vacuum cleaner dust bag) YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (muffled)

Longtail: (looks at the entrance of the tribal grounds) INTRUDERS! WHO DARES LOOK UPON THE SACRIFICIAL RITUAL OF THE DUSTPELT FAN TRIBE!

The mob of angry Brightheart fans: DUSTPELT IS A FAKE GOD! ALL HAIL GODDESS BRIGHTHEART! (Lifts

Brightheart above their heads and cheers)

Brightheart: HELP.

Leafpool: (rips through dust bag) Ok, this is the weirdest thing that has happened all day. I take back what I said earlier. (runs through the Brightheart fans) IM COMING! (saves Brightheart) RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Brightheart: RIGHT BEHIND YOU! (grabs Dustpelt's corpse and runs)

Dustpelt and Brightheart tribes: OUR GODS! THEY HAVE STOLEN OUR GODS! GET THEM! (begins to maul each other) WAIT! WE SHOULD CATCH OUR GODS FIRST! (runs after Leafpool, Brightheart and Dustpelt's corpse)

Leafpool: OH NOES! THEY WILL CATCH US!

TheWarriorTraitor: (picks up a pencil and teleports all of the escapees far away from the mobs)

Leafpool: That was close- HEY WHO ARE YOU?

TheWarriorTraitor: I am your creator! You are all part of a story that I wrote!

Leafpool: Wait... YOU put us through all those crazy situations?!

TheWarriorTraitor: Yup! Uh... why are you coming so close? Personal space? UH... WHY DO YOU LOOK SO ANG- GAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Leafpool and Brightheart: (mauls TheWarriorTraitor viciously) HIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Guys, please save me from these crazy cats! Comment for them to go away, please!

Part 4

TheWarriorTraitor: (teleports away) GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

Leafpool: Ok, now what?

Brightheart: I don't know, ask Dustpelt!

Dustpelt's corpse: (is dead)

Leafpool: He is dead.

Brightheart: Oh. My bad. I think we should give him a proper burial first then before we do anything.

Leafpool: Agreed.

A few hours later

Brightheart: Did we really have to dig a six-foot deep hole? Isn't that for two-legs?

Leafpool: (reading a copy of graves and burials) err... that is what it says in this book.

Brightheart: Written by humans.

Leafpool: I don't care.

Brightheart: ... ok......

Leafpool: Now, we should find some shelter. (opens a book called HIKE HIKE HIKE) And we should... err... hike?

Brightheart: (burns all the books) FOCUS

Leafpool: RIGHT RIGHT! Um... do you think Shadowclan will take us in?

Brightheart: Obviously not. Windclan is the nicest clan.

Leafpool: But they are all skinny bois.

Brightheart: True... and fish tastes bad.

Leafpool: I KNOW! LETS JOIN BLOOD'CLAN!

Brightheart: That is wrong on so many levels. I LIKE IT!

Part 5

Leafpool: (le walks into Bloodclan) HELLO WEIRD MURDER CATS! WE WISH TO JOIN YOU!

Brightheart: ... ignore her. She is an idiot. Hey where's Scourge?

Leafpool: He died remember?

Brightheart: THEN HOW WILL WE JOIN BLOOD'CLAN!?

TheWarriorTraitor: (picks up a pencil and draws Scourge back to life) There we go! (poofs)

Leafpool: Oh hello Scourge! WE WANNA JOIN BLOOD'CLAN!

Scourge: You must pass the JAKE test before you can join.

Leafpool: What is the Jake test?

Scourge: (hands her a piece of paper) Read this aloud on top of a dumpster so everyone can hear.

Leafpool: (looks at the script) What in Starclan?

Scourge: DO IT.

Leafpool: Fine. (jumps on dumpster) AHEM. (sings in a high voice) JAKE JAKE JAKE JAKE JAKE! JAKE IS EVERYONE'S FATHER! JAKE JAKE JAKE JAKE JAKE! JAKE IS YOUR FATHER! JAKE JAKE JAKE JAKE JAKE! JAKE IS SCOURGE'S FATHER!

Brightheart: (x_x) MY EARS!

Scourge: Congratulations Leafpool! Welcome to Bloodclan!

Brightheart: What about me?

Scourge: Hmmm... I know! Sing Be Prepared. You look like Scar after all!

Brightheart: I will try not to take offence at that statement. Ahem. (sings beautifully)

I never thought hyenas essential

They're crude and unspeakably plain But maybe they've a glimmer of potential If allied to my vision and brain I know that your powers of retention Are as wet as a warthog's backside But thick as you are, pay attention My words are a matter of pride It's clear from your vacant expressions The lights are not all on upstairs But we're talking kings and successions Even you can't be caught unawares So prepare for a chance of a lifetime Be prepared for sensational news A shining new era Is tiptoeing nearer And where do we feature? Just listen to teacher I know it sounds sordid But you'll be rewarded When at last I am given my dues And injustice deliciously squared Be prepared!

It's great that we'll soon be connected With a king who'll be all-time adored Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected To take certain duties on board The future is littered with prizes And though I'm the main addressee The point that I must emphasize is You won't get a sniff without me! So prepare for the coup of the century Be prepared for the murkiest scam Meticulous planning Tenacity spanning Decades of denial Is simply why I'll Be king undisputed Respected, saluted And seen for the wonder I am Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared Be prepared! Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared Be prepared!

Scourge: (Claps loudly) EXCELLENT!

Leafpool: Why do you have such an obsession with songs?

Scourge:... don't ask.

Leafpool: Ok....?

That's all for part five! I do not own the song Be Prepared. Do not pin copyrights.

Authors Note

HELLO FRIENDS! I have made another spoof! It features Warrior Cats Commercials! Please read it and comment on what you think and what I should advertise. Thanks!

This spoof will be put on hold until someone comments about Scourge's song obsession. The first person to comment will be featured in the spoof

Part 6

Scourge: So, now that you are officially part of the Bloodclan Community, let me give you a tour!

Leafpool and Brightheart: YAY! :-)

Scourge: -of our POLITICAL SYSTEM!

Leafpool and Brightheart: D8 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Five hours of extensive law study later

Scourge: AND THAT IS ALL!

Leafpool and Brightheart: (asleep)

Scourge: NOW I WILL HAVE MY RIGHT-HAND CAT RAINDAPPLE GIVE YOU A TOUR OF OUR LAND!

Raindapple: (pops out of nowhere) WHO!? WHAT!? HOW!?

Scourge: Raindapple, as of today, you are my right-hand cat blah blah blah.

Raindapple: But I'm from RiverClam...

Scourge: NOW GO GIVE THESE CATS AN EXTENSIVE TOUR! 8D

Raindapple: Um ok... So that is the stinky dumpster, that is the other stinky dumpster, that is an alley, that is another alley, that is twenty more alleys, uh... a bunch of old couch cushions, and a few trash cans. Soooo... I think that's it! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leafpool: ... Right.....

Brightheart: let's go eat a fried chicken from the trash.

Leafpool: How do you know what its called.

Brightheart: CUS IM SMART LIEK DAT!

Leafpool:... Ok...

(loud retching noises) Okay, I think that's enough. Thank you for reading, and Guuud Bye! (This spoof will be put on hold until someone comments about something.

Part 7

(ITS OUT ITS OUT)

Leafpool: Fried chicken is yummy!

Brightheart: YEAH! AND IT ALSO CAUSES HEART DISEASE!

Leafpool: COOL!... Wait what?

Brightheart: -has a heart attack and seizure- GLAHGRAGLHEALAGHRHALGRHLARAEHLGEHGEALEHR!

Leafpool: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE BRIGHTHEART FANS ARE GOING TO KILL ME!

TheWarriorTraitor: DID SOMEONE SAY BRIGHTHEART FANS? -poofs into existance-

Leafpool: ITS YOU! PLZ DO SOMETHING TO SAVE BRIGHTHEART!

TheWarriorTraitor: Save Brightheart you say? Hmm... AHA! IVE GOT IT! -draws the Brightheart fan squad into existance-

Brightheart Fans: ITS THE KIDNAPPER! KILL HER! SHE KILLED BRIGHTHEART!

TheWarriorTraitor: Um... oops?

Leafpool: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!

TheWarriorTraitor: OwO -poofs myself and Raindapple into the random and weird universe where writers live-

Leafpool: -looks at Brightheart fans- Oh sh-

Brightheart Fans: -runs her over- -gives Brightheart CPR-

Meanwhile...

TheWarriorTraitor: -is playing chess with Raindapple- -is also losing spectacularly-

Raindapple: Checkmate!

TheWarriorTraitor: ... -draws more Kings on the chessboard-

Raindapple: Oh come on! That's not fai- OOMPH

Leafpool: -poofs out of nowhere and lands on Raindapple- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Raindapple: Crushing me...

Leafpool: -gets off of Raindapple- Whaghawot?

TheWarriorTraitor: I am not letting you end the spoof here! -gives Leafpool 600000000000000000 lives-

Leafpool: -poofs back into the Spoof World-

TheWarriorTraitor: Yay! Now we can continue playing chess!

Raindapple: Sure... just wait a few more years until my bones heal...

TheWarriorTraitor: Oh right.

Part 8

HELP ME I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK GIVE ME IDEAS!

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