Headline text ==
This is where EVERYONE posts the best, stupidest, funniest Warriors-related commercials of the millenium! This page is open for ANYONE to edit, so make up a stupid commercial and write it here! HAWKFIRE98 00:39, May 28, 2010 (UTC)
Moxi Clean
- Ashfur walks in, dressed like Billy Mays*
Ashfur: Has this ever happened to you?
- cuts to Hawkfrost*
Hawkfrost: I SPILLED BLOOD ALL OVER MY FUR.
Ashfur: Well, now theres a solution! Just apply Moxi Clean to your fur, and in minutes your fur will be blood and ash free! Just take a look at these satisfied customers!
Tigerstar: Moxi Clean saved me the trouble of licking Runningwind's blood off my body!
Yellowfang: Thanks to Moxi Clean, I went to Starclan completely clean of ash from the fire I died in!
Ashfur: To hide the evidence, just use Moxi Clean to clean away ash and blood. It even hides the scent! It worked with me! I returned to my clan from threatening Squirrelflight's "kits" and looked completely clean! He he...
Ashfur: And with this special TV offer, you can get Moxi Clean for only 4........easy payments of 25.86!
Ashfur: But wait theres more! If you call this number in the next two seconds you can get two containers for free-TOO LATE YOU SLOW BYE.
- Commercial ends* (Credit to Nigahiga for ending.)
Yay. Hawkeh Why do you want a marshmallow?? ) 00:09, May 6, 2012 (UTC)
Purr-fect Brownie Pan
Darkstripe walks in. He is wearing overalls and sparkly high heel boots.
Darkstripe: Tired of having awful burnt brownies that stick to your pan? Tired of having to rip them apart to get to the warm chewy soft inside? Well with the Purr-Fect Brownie Pan, that will all disappear!!
Poppydawn: *gasp* REALLY??
Darkstripe: Absolutely! The Purr-Fect Brownie Pan is only $23.99.99.99.99 and a fourth of a cent!
Poppydawn: Only $23.99.99.99.99 and a fourth of a cent!! WOW! *wide eyes in awe*
Darkstripe: Plus shipping and handling. NOW PICK UP THE FREAKIN PHONE AND CALL THE NUMBER BELOW OR WE WILL ROB YOUR HOUSE AND TAKE ALL OF YOUR DANIMALS CRUSH CUPS!!!
Poppydawn: *freaks out and looks on the screen below, types in the number, and orders a brownie pan*
Darkstripe: REMEMBER, WE WILL TAKE YOUR FAVORITE ANGRY PURPLE DOG AND YOUR DANIMALS CRUSH CUP IF YOU DONT CALL!!
Poppydawn: *dials numbers so fast that the phone bursts into flames* Toothpaste and coconuts!! *curses violently at the phone and leaves*
Number that was down below: 1-800-YUR-DUMB Call now!
Amazing Bouncie Paws
Firestar: -pads in- ARE YOU TIRED OF REGULAR PAWS?
Sandstorm: YES!!
Firestar: Well here's BOUNCIE PAWS!!! -puts them on- You can bounce and pad at the same time!
Sandstorm: YAY
Firestar: -puts on bouncie shoes- See these? They make you fall. -falls-
Sandstorm: -frowns-
Firestar: BUT WITH BOUNCIE PAWS...-puts them on and bounces- YOU BOUNCE AND DON'T FALL! JUST CALL 495-232-FAIL to get them!!
Sandstorm: -picks up the phone and calls- I WANT BOUNCIE PAWS
Person: here. -bouncie shoes appears from phone-
Sandstorm: -wears them and falls- WOW, WUT A WASTE
Create-a-Cat
Lionblaze: Hello, everybody! Are you lonely?
Jayfeather: Meh.
Lionblaze: Well, you need a good friend! And I can get you one!
Jayfeather: Meh.
Lionblaze: Cheer up, little guy!
Jayfeather: >_<
Lionblaze: Aww, be happy!
Jayfeather: DON'T. CALL. ME. LITTLE. GUY. *mauls*
Lionblaze: *is maul'd*
Breezepelt: HI! Jayfeather, I'm here to take Lionblaze's place!
Jayfeather: GASP! You're my best friend, Breezepelt!
Breezepelt: When you Create-a-Cat, you get to find the pelt you want, pick the color of stuffing, and give the heart a kiss so your kitty friend has lots of love!
Jayfeather: Sounds like fun! Breezepelt, you aren't my BFF anymore, I need to go Create-a-Cat!
Breezepelt: *forever alone*
Foxy Clean
Beetlewhisker and Tawnypelt pad in.
Tawnypelt: Tired of having dirty foxes in YOUR territory?
Beetlewhisker: YES!
Tawnypelt: Don't you just want to wash them up and get them sparkly clean??
Beetlewhisker: TOTALLY!
Tawnypelt: Well, with the new Foxy Clean storage packs, that is possible!!
Beetlewhisker: How? *eyes wide*
Tawnypelt: First, stuff that stupid fox into the washing machine. *stuffs fox into washing machine* And then, simply drop one of the Foxy Clean storage packs in, and start it up! *presses START*
Fox: OMGosh! ITS LIKE A CARNIVAL RIDEE!! *screamz*
Tawnypelt: Shut up! Were doing the commecial! *kicks washing machine and turns back to camera*
Beetlewhisker: The fox is SO clean!! *admires*
Tawnypelt: Yes, if you want your fox clean, call 1-800-YUR-FOXY! Call now! *smiles and winks*
Fur Blower!
- Feathertail and Squirrelpaw walk out
Feathertail: Do you want nice, poofy, dry fur?
Squirrelpaw: YEAH!!!!
Feathertail: While look no more! *produces blow drier* We call this: the Fur Blower!
Squirrelpaw: COOL!
Feathertail: *hands to Squirrelpaw* Here! Try it! *continues tal;king. In background, Squirrelpaw turns on blowdrier, smiles and points it at herself, she gets blown away* This product is perfectly safe! It takes your wet, stinky fur and makes it nice and warm and dry!
Squirrelpaw: *is dizzy from being blown away* So....don't...delay...order yours...today!
Feathertail: It's a squirrelleg value for just 99 rabbits!
Squirrelpaw: Get yours today!
Together: At: 555-555-555-555-555 FURDRIER !
IDK.--Goth MonkeyPiece by piece I lost my sainity to the penguins. 21:25, May 30, 2010 (UTC)
The IPod Cat
Random deep voiced announcer: First the IPod. Then the IPod nano. Then the IPod touch... And now, The IPod Cat! It comes in three sick nasty colors!
Fire Hot red tabby! Icy blue She-cat, and White Tortoiseshell tom!
Lionblaze: (Walks infront of camera)
Random deep voiced announcer: Hey, you!
Lionblaze: Yesh?
Random deep voiced announcer: The IPod Cat is only $2342.48!
Lionblaze: OH. MY. STARCLAN!
Random deep voiced announcer: And it holds 4 1/5 songs!
Lionblaze: *Ish Surprised*
Random deep voiced announcer: Let's hear some reviews from our satisfied customers!
Brambleclaw: The IPod Cat ruined my life... *Sniffs* WHY WOULD YOU PEOPLE MAKE SUCH A THING?!?! WHY WOULD YOU...
Random deep voiced announcer: Let's go to another review, heh...
Squirrelflight: The IPod Cat stinks.
Foxleap: (In Straight Jacket) I loved it!!!!
Squirrelflight: Can it you! *Mauls*
Foxleap: Gah!
Random deep voiced announcer: Uh, heh. Well, you heard them! Buy yours today! Just call 481-516-2342!
Lionblaze: You cheapskate! Selling cats for profit! *Mauls Random deep voiced announcer*
Random deep voiced announcer: (Cannot be heard over intense screams of pain and mauling)
Found a vid on YouTube called "The IPod Human" And spoofed it here. (I hid four LOST references. I'm such a geek.)
--WarriorcatZ1324 Post Tenebras Lux 21:09, June 2, 2010 (UTC)
Star Bags!
Mistystar- Are you sick of your pelts always getting cramped up in your den?
Reedwhisker- Yeah!
Mistystar- Well try Star bags! Just put in your pelts *stuffs another pelt in bag* Suck out the air with your mouth! *sucks out the air* And there!
Reedwhisker- *takes the bag* Wow! *pours water all over it and takes out pelt* Cool it's still dry! *pelt is soaking wet*
Mistystar- And it even holds heavy winter pelts! *stuffs in her fluffy winter pelts and bag explodes* See! It still holds it!
Reedwhisker- I can't wait to try them!
Mistystar- Just call 1-800-This-Lame!
Reedwhisker- Awesome! *calls*
Mistystar- Sorry, we don't have any more Star Bags.
Reedwhisker- *gasps*
Mistystar- We only have these things called Space Bags, pfft, wrong shipment.
WetstreamLet Me Win But If I Do Not Win Let Me Be Brave In The Attempt
Debbie Hawkfrost Green Bags!
Hawkfrost: *tries to sound dramatic* Ew, look at these rotten fruits and vegetables! *holds nice looking fruits up* Oops, wrong fruit.. *holds up rotten ones* Don't you want them to look better?
Whitewater: YES!! OH. MY. STARCLAN! YES YES!
Hawkfrost: *pulls out a plastic Ziploc baggie* Then put them in here! *shoves fruit in bag* And let them stay there for a couple of days until they look worse *cough* I mean better!
Whitewater: *grabs chair and sits by the bag, looking intently at it for the next four days*
Hawkfrost: *pulls them out* Now look at them! They are more disgusting *cough* Cleaner than ever!
Whitewater: *dies from the smell*
Hawkfrost: Erm..they're supposed to do that..I think...
Lionheart: *walks in and dies from the smell*
Hawkfrost: Dangit.. *mutter mutter* Well anyway, if you want better looking fruits, then call now!!!
Birds fall from the sky after they die from the smell.
The cameraman dies and the camera tips over, ending the commercial.
Hawkfrost: Director! I never got to finish my commercial! *furious*
The Director is dead, too.
Spongebob: *walks in and talks SUPER fast* Call 123-456-7890! I repeat 123-456-7890! It is twenty dollars and a fifth of a cent. No shipping and handling is required. Please don't give these to your kids. Call now!
KittyClone!
Lionblaze: Hi, everyone, do you hate battles? Well, I don't, and if you do I should maul you... but, for the sake of the commercial, DO YOU HATE BATTLES?
Graystripe: Yeah!
Lionblaze: WOULD YOU RATHER SIT AROUND CAMP AND STEAL FRESH-KILL?
Graystripe: YEAH! Why are we yelling?
Lionblaze: Then get the KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face* today!
Graysripe: What does it do?
Lionblaze: The KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face* clones you. You can tell it to eat it's dirt, fight battles for you, kill Ashfur, Hollyleaf, or Firestar, and fight battles for you.
Graystripe: That sounds awesome!
Lionblaze: I know! And while your CLONE! *puts on fake happy face* does whatever you want it to, you can sit around camp and steal fresh-kill! Then you can grow plump, and a desperate ThunderClan can sacrifice you to get food for the winter.
Graystripe: O.o I want the KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face*
Lionblaze: *shoves one in his face* There. DON'T TALK TO ME, YOU BATTLE-HATER!
Graystipe: *runs to the KittyClone! and Clones! himself*
Graystipe 2: Hi, Lionblaze!
Graystipe: Graystripe, I want you to kill Firestar.
Lionblaze: *cheers*
Graystripe: I'm tired of him stealing my spotlight!
Firestar: *steals Graystripe's spotlight*
Graystripe 2: *murders Firestar*
Graystripe: Yay!
Graystripe 2: Hey, you look like Firestar. *murders Lionblaze*
Graystripe: Murder Brambleclaw now.
Graystripe 2: OVERLOADOVERLOADOVERLOAD *poof*
Graystripe: *steals some fresh-kill* Get the KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face* today!
Whitecough Medicine
Tigerstar and Darkstripe pad in.
Tigerstar: Are you tired of suffering from whitecough?
Darkstripe (Sneezes.) Yes.
Tigerstar: Then buy the whitecough medicine! (Holds a pill in his hand.)
Darkstripe: (Takes pill and feels all better.) Wow, it really works!
Tigerstar: Of course it does. And you can have it for only $49.99! Plus 999,999,999.00 shipping and handling. And we will through in a second pill with your order, free. Just pay double shiping and handling. It can all be yours, if you cal: 111-1111. That's 111-1111. Remember, thats 111-1111.
Darkstripe: (Really fast.) We are not responsible for, depression, hair loss, heart attacks, strokes, or death.
Darkstripe: (Dies.)
Snake Crisps!
Poppyfrost and Honeyfern walk in. Rainstorm is there speaking.
Rainstorm: Are you tired of boring old mice, chewy birds, watery water voles, and hairy squirrels?
Poppyfrost and Honeyfern: YES!
Rainstorm: Then you'll love Snake Crisps! They are juicy, crunchy potato chips with a hearty flavoring of snake!
Honeyfern: *Dies for the second time*
Poppyfrost: *Ignores* Where can I buy these 'Snake Crisps'?
Rainstorm: Just call 1800-999-911! Only 19 squirrels and a mouse! Plus 200 voles for shipping and handling.
Poppyfrost: *dials phone and walks away*
Rainstorm: We are not responsible for: Poisonings, Whitecough or Death.
Amber Rain quickly turns into Typhoon... 'HK, the land of the typhoon... 09:32, February 15, 2011 (UTC)
ShamPOW
Tigerstar: Are you tired of all the hard work it takes to clean up your enemy's blood? Well worry no more! The ShamPOW is the perfect product for you!
Poppyfrost: Really, how perfect?
Tigerstar: Well, it also works on water, milk, and medicine!
Firestar: Wow this seems great! *Looks directly at camera* Where can I find one?
Tigerstar: Well just call 555-555-555! It's that easy! 555-555-555! Operators are always on the line waiting for your call!
--Scene cuts to Hawkfrost, Thisleclaw and Darkstipe in front of telephones answering calls and writing down notes--
Graystripe: This great product and customer service for only 19.95! That's right, just 19.95! So call now!!
--Scence cuts to deep voice--
You must be 12 moons or older to order. CALL NOW!
--ShinestarOhhh! Shiney! 06:49, February 26, 2011 (UTC)
Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE!
Jayfeather: Are you tired of being unable to locate your secret cookie stash?
Dovewing: *nods*
Jayfeather: Then worry no more! With the Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE you will never lose your cookies!
Dovewing: Yay!!!
Jayfeather: The Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE locates all cookies within a mouse-length of you, as well as having a handy drink holder! *Shows Dovewing drink holder*
Dovewing: *Fake jaw drop* O.M.GEE! That is soooo cool! Feathertail, come see this!
(Feathertail walks in)
Feathertail: That is amazing! I never got that awesome range from Cookiefinders of competing brands.
Jayfeather: There's a living, breathing example- well, dead but anyway- for you! Call 1800-CRAPPY to collect yours! And if you call in the next five minutes, we'll give you a free metal cookie!
(Blank screen with falling apart cookie with star behind it appears)
(Screen flashes back to Jayfeather)
Jayfeather: Get your Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE today!
A fast voice mumbles: Warning-ctualCookiefinderEXTREEEMMEEmaynotwork.batteriesnotincluded.healthinsurancedoesnotcovercostofinjuriesguaranteedfromthisproduct.
I love the dawn's shimmering light 22:32, July 11, 2011 (UTC)
The 'KillLionblaze 3 Thousand' !!
Announcer: Aren't you tired of watching Lionblaze kill all of your Clanmates without him having even a scratch?
Russetfur: Yeah....
Announcer: Well, not anymore with the 'KillLionblaze 3 Thousand' !!!
Russetfur: how does it work?
Announcer: Well first, you try to assemble your KL 3 Thousand by looking at meaningless instructions that never make sense.
Russetfur: *reads manual* GAH!! *gets frustrated and shoots book with gun*
Announcer: Second, turn on the KL 3 Thousand and watch it malfunction.
Russetfur: So...when do I get to kill the rascal?
Announcer: Whoa! Slow down! We have to figure out what's wrong with the machine! *inspects the KL* Okay I see the problem, it's stupid.
Russetfur (mutters): Like you?
Announcer (says with smile): I heard that! :) :) Okay and third and lastly, sic the KL 3 Thousand on the infamous Lionblaze and watch with fury as he tears it apart.
Russetfur: What, you're telling me that this thing doesn't work?
Announcer: Nothing works, sweetheart. As our job as announcers is to be totally annoying and lie about our stupid, meaningless products!
Russetfur: Don't. Call. Me. Sweetheart. RAWR! *mauls announcer*
- Lionblaze comes in*
Lionblaze: Okay, If you buy this stupid piece of crap that doesn't kill me, you get a bonus item that still costs money even thought we say it's free. With only the price of 3000000 mice with the monthly price of 400000 voles, you can get this fail of a product!
- Cloudtail comes in and does fast-talking*
Cloudtail: Wearenotresponisbleofyougettinghurtordyingfromthe'killlionblaze3thousand'.thoughweareresponsibleifthisproductsucks.norefunds.
Hehe... -- User:Honeyrose34/Sig 21:13, July 8, 2011 (UTC)
The Strike-Slice!
- Mousewhisker enters a random clan-esque kitchen*
Mousewhisker: Hello! It's MOUSEWHISKER with the STRIKE-SLICE! You're gonna feel GRRRRR-EAT all day because you'll be slicing your problems away with the strike-slice!
Daisy: MOUSEWHISKER! Be careful with that!
Mousewhisker: ....*cough* See, check this right? It's a vole! You just *strike* and you've got chunks for you, two strikes and you've got some for your friends, and look! Add a mouse and....*strike* the more you strike, the better it gets! Feeds the kitties in no time!
Daisy: Are you listening to me? Be careful!
Mousewhisker: I AM, MOM. Now see this? This is what I call a nice, juicy rabbit. But I'm sure you must hate pulling the meat out to eat, it's torture right? WRONG. With my patented Strike-Slice, just slice your troubles away!
Mousewhisker: Now, there are MAAANY different ways to use the Strike-Slice!
- Use it with your friends!*
Hazeltail: Mousewhisker, this is awesome!
Mousewhisker: Yeah~!
- Use it on your enemies!*
Emberfoot: BORDER TRESPASSER! *lunges at Mousewhisker*
...
Emberfoot: HELP HE'S ARMED! GET AWAY FROM ME!
Mousewhisker: Haha! No chance, you fox-dung! *strike-slice*
-
Mousewhisker: So buy your very own Strike-Slice today! Call the number below: 555-You're-Gonna-Love-My-Mice or visit your local pet store! BUT WAIT! There's more?
Emberfoot: ....Huh?
Mousewhisker: Buy your Strike-Slice within the next hour and you'll get a complimentary.....ROOT-RUBBER! See, watch this! You just put your rotts here, right, and then you twist and...BAM! You can put these roots on your older kits food and they won't even notice as they get even healthier!
Poppyfrost: How much for these wonderful items?
Mousewhisker: I'm glad you asked! You can grab your Strike-Slice and your complimentary Root-rubber for the low low price of......19.95 kits plus shipping and handling!
Molekit: *in an awkwardly low, manly voice* ShippingandhandlingdependsontheareainwhichyouliveforWindClanitisonly6kitsbutRiverClanowes14kitsandShadowClanowes21kitsbecausetheyaretheenemiesofus.
Mousewhisker: That's right, nephew! Now order your Strike-Slice right away, and get to giving me those kits!
Molekit: Warning: We do not protect against disembodiement, death, your mate leaving you, your kits safety or Mousewhisker's reliability.
Bring to life 50000000000
Bluestar: Are you tried of randomly walking around a forest making useless threats on living cats
Brokenstar, and Mapleshade: Yes!
Bluestar: Well today is your lucky day, with the bring to life 5000000000 you can come back to life and actually do something about alive cats.
Mapleshade: How much?
Bluestar: It costs only 50000000 mice. But if you order now it will cost you 5000000000000000000 mice
Brokenstar: I need to order now to get the deal!
Bluestar: the number to call is 1800-this is actually a machine to get rid of the dark forest cats. That number again is 1800-this is actually a machine to get rid of the dark forest cats
The amazing kit transporter
Crookedstar: For all camps who call there are now kit transporters!
Cherrykit: what do they do?
Crookedstar: All territories who call will have kit transporters around their territory. There is one in camp that only you can transport to for when you are out of camp and you need to get in. The ones outside the camp you go in to go around your territory. You can also use the ones outside to get back in unseen.
Cherrykit: WoW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crookedstar: the number is 1800-678-5675 there is one catch though
Cherrykit: Ya?
Crookedstar: The transporter inside camp will only let you in if you use a transporter back in if you are a kit. The transporter inside the camp is in Firestar's den where we will install a alarm system for kits that go through the transporter. That number is 1800-567-2856
Cherrykit:I need one!
Kit-Killer 6000
Brackenfur: Are you tired of those pesky kits always at your paws? Are you sick of those annoying kits always bothering you? Well, now, we have a solution! The brand new Kit-Killer 6000!
Sorreltail: Brackenfur! Can you come and take Lilykit and Seedkit for a walk?
Brackenfur: See what I mean? *To Sorreltail* I'll be right there dear! While I'm gone, here's one of our satisfied customers.
- Changes to Ashfoot*
Ashfoot: This thing really works. Got rid of my son Eaglekit just like that! *snaps* I love this. It got rid of my other kits, too! Too bad it didn't work on Crowfeather.....
- Changes back to Brackenfur*
Brackenfur: Using amazing kit-killing technology, it uses hundreds of methods to kill those irritating kittens. To purchase one, call 1-800-WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR BANISHMENT FROM YOUR CLAN. That number again is 1-800- WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR BANISHMENT FROM YOUR CLAN.
- Sorreltail, Lilykit, and Rosekit come in*
Sorreltail: Brackenfur, what are you doing?
Brackenfur: Um.....nothing.
Sorreltail: What is that thing you are hiding?
Brackenfur: Nothing.
Sorreltail: The "Kit-Killer 6000"?!?
Brackenfur: ..........Call in now, and you get a free Brackenfur!
hehehe BTA~Imma Admin, So Don't Tick Me Off! 22:01, December 6, 2011 (UTC)
CUDDLE CAT! (Pillow Pet!) (Sniffmas)
Its a Cuddle
Its a Cat
Its a Cuddle Cat!
Hollyleaf: I just came back! :D Well, I brought something with me.
Lionblaze: Whadda bring?
Hollyleaf: A Cuddle Cat.
Lionblaze: What is a Cuddle Cat?
Hollyleaf: Instead of singing that annoying jingle, Ill show you. First, take the cat.
- Takes Jayfeather and folds him in half*
Hollyleaf: Fold the cat in half.
Jayfeather: Oh my Starclan! THIS IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE!
Lionblaze: *Gasps in awe*
Hollyleaf: Then, give it to the perfect size cat. *Yells* O-oh Mousefur!
Mousefur: Whadda want? *Before she can finish, Hollyleaf shoves the cat under Mousefur's head.
Hollyleaf: Now call this number to get one for a low price of 19.99. Warning. We do not accept Bills 50$ or under. No cash-back. No checks or credit cards. Cats-Love- Pie Call this number today: Cats-love-Pie
Lionblaze: OOOHHH! *Dials number*
Hollyleaf: There are also: Apprentice and Kit versions! Get every collectible one today!
Walkie-talkie for lovers
Blackstar: tired of not being able to talk with your mate from another clan?
Leafpool and Crowfeather: (eyes wide) Ya!!
Blackstar: well look no farther. With the six way walkie-talkie for lover you will be able to talk during the day without having to walk all the way to the border just to say hello. It costs one kit from each of your litters you have together.
Leafpool and Crowfeather: Wooooooooooooowwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blackstar: the four other walkie-talkies that come with this set will be installed in the leaders of all the clan's den so they will who you meeting where, when, and if it's not a cat from there clan ways to moke their leaders.
Crowfeather and Leafpool: How do I get one?!
Blackstar: You call 1800-this is a trap. That number is again 1800-this is a trap.
The Revenge on Blackstar commercials
Claw sharpener:
Firestar: tired of the enemy's claws stuck in your back? Give them the claw sharpener as a way to get rid of your problems. Here is how it works.
Firestar walks over to Blackstar: do you have dull claws?
Blackstar: Yes!!
Firestar: do you want to do something about it?
Blackstar: Yes!!!
Firestar points to the claw sharpener: Well stick your claws in that machine.
Blackstar sticks his claw in the machine. Machine makes noise. Noise stops and Blackstar gets out of machine and sees that his claws are now tiny stumps with no point.
Blackstar: I'm going to get you for this! Rowanclaw was suppose to be here and when he gets here I will get pay back.
Blackstar attacks Firestar and realizes he can't do any harm.
Firestar: See with this claw sharpener you won't have to worry about being clawed. Call 1880-647-874 to get yours today. It costs only 19.86.
Foxleap: Wearenotresponsibleifclawaharpenertakesofftheentireclaworinsomecasestheentirepaw.Wearealsonotresponsibleifyouaccidentlycutoffyourownclawsorpaws.
Christmas Tree Collector:
Willowshine on the border of ShadowClan and RiverClan: Tired of being attacked if you walk into ShadowClan territory to get a pine tree for a Christmas tree?
Mothwing and Rowanclaw: Yes!
Willowshine: Well look no farther with the Christmas Tree Collector and here is how it works! (Turns on machine)
Machine reaches into ShadowClan pulls a pine tree out of the ground and places it in the RiverClan camp. Tree falls down destroying the dens and blocking the river making it over flow washing away the rest of the dens.
Mothwing and Rowanclaw: We want one!
Willowshine:To get one call 1800-get a Christmas tree. That number again is 1800-get a Christmas tree.
Rowanclaw: I can't wait to get one!
Mothwing: Aren't you from ShadowClan?
Rowanclaw: This is the Claw sharpener commercial right?
Willowshine: No
Rowanclaw: If anyone asks I wasn't here. I might as well go home now.
Kittypet distractors
Talonpaw and Cedarheart with Tawnypelt and Blackstar are sitting next to a Twoleg nest.
Blackstar: Tired of hostile Kittypet attacking you in your own territory and having to let Firestar's warriors help you?
Talonpaw and Cedarheart: Yes!!
Blackstar: well with the Kittypet distractor you don't have to! Tawnypelt bring me one of the sacred bells.
Tawnypelt walks in slow motion towards a tree. She kepts walking and walking and walking and walking and walking.
Blackstar: Hurry up. After this I need to take my revenge on Firestar for cutting my claws. (Blackstar turns to the person typing this) Stop this and let me finish my comerical.
Author decides that she doesn't like this set of characters and declares: This commercial is now over!! Blackstar, Tawnypelt, Cedarheart, and Talonpaw, you are now fired!
Kittypet distractors take two
Firestar walks in with Princess and Smudge.
Princess: Tired of hostile kittypets attacking you?!
Smudge: Yes! (looks confused) We have hostile kittypets?
Princess: Firestar bring out the sacred bell.
Firestar walks over to a tree
Anoying Author aka me: stop this now! This is horrible!
Kittypet distractors take three
Blackstar, Talonpaw Tawnypelt, and Cedarheart walk in and sit down next to a Twoleg nest.
Talonpaw: I thought we were fired.
Annoying Author: I changed my mind
Blackstar: Tired of having to ask for help from ThunderClan because of hostile kittypets?
Talonpaw and Cedarheart: Yes!
Blackstar: Tawnypelt get the sacred bell! (Turns to look at Author and growls)
Author smiles and waves back
Tawnypelt gets to the tree and takes out a shiny jiggling bell. Walkes over to Blackstar and gives him the bell.
Blackstar: All you do is throw it up in the air and the kittypets will start to chase it. If one of them catches it it explodes.
Author: You are suppose to tell them the phone number to call.
Blackstar: Oops. The number to call is 1-800-566-6666. That number is 1-800-566-6666
Blackstar: throws bell up into air and kittypets chase and jump after it.
Talonpaw Cedarheart, Tawnypelt, and Blackstar: Wow shiny! (They all run after it)
Author: I thought you might think the bell is shiny.
Firestar on his way to a commercial (grounds shakes and parts of the ceiling falls down) :The author needs to replace the ceilings.
Kittypet distractors take four
Author: Ooops!
The She-Cat Whisperer
(A/N - Yeah, I put this at the beginning. Anyhoo, this is an ad which keeps airing in my hometown, and I absolutely hate it. It's sexist and awful and... sexist. So, not only am I seizing the chance to make fun of a cat I thoroughly hate (heh, heh) I'm also checking if anyone else thinks this ad is sexist. (YouTube it). And, if you do, please comment below. I'm checking if I'm overreacting or not before I complain to the network.)
Brambleclaw: *cheers* Yay! I'm finally out of camp and hanging out with my friends! *drinks beer with Ashfur and Crowfeather*
Squirrelflight: *bustles up and stuffs stuff in her oversized purse* Right, Brambleclaw, we're leaving now. These cats stink! One of them loves me, and the other one loves my sister. *frowns*
Brambleclaw: O_O But, but... I've only had one sip of my beer! The glass is still full, thus proving that I have hardly been here any time at all!
Squirrelflight: I don't care one bit. Now, you just hand that nice full glass to Ashfur... *mutter, mutter* *starts dragging Brambleclaw towards camp*
Brambleclaw: *wails* Noo, help me, help me! Aaaaarrrrggghhh..... *scream dies away into death-gurgles*
Squirrelflight: What? Whoa, wait a minute. He wasn't supposed to die! *looks to director*
Director: *drags Brambleclaw away and replaces him with Firestar*
Firestar: *cowers*
-Suddenly, a mysterious figure appears in the doorway. He holds up his hands and stares meaningfully at Squirrelflight-
Ashfur: *whispers* It's the She-cat Whisperer!
The She-cat Whisperer: Whoa. Whoa, girl. Steady on there, Squirrelflight. Let him have another beer! Why don't you just go and have a chat with Leafpool.
Squirrelflight: *looks dazed* *turns to Firestar* I think I'll just go and have a chat with Leafpool.
Firestar: *cheers* Woohoo! I'm finally free of my irritating daughter! YES! Thank you, thank you, kind sir.
She-cat Whisperer: *stares at Firestar* It's a talking cat? Whoa, trippy...
Firestar: *clinks his beer with Ashfur and Crowfeather and cheers* Hooray!
THE END (no, but seriously. YouTube the ad. It's creepy and sexist. I mean... anyone heard of the Horse Whisperer? Or the Dog Whisperer? Sheesh...) mae pob Brenin cenllysg Zaffie! 22:22, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
The Cat-mas Tree!
(Starring: Firestar, Tawnypelt, and Blackstar)
Firestar, Tawnypelt, and Blackstar walk in.
Firestar: Are you tired of getting your kits' a retarded ShadowClan pine tree every Cat-mas?
Blackstar: YES!!!
Tawnypelt: *rolls eyes*
Firestar: Then we have a solution! It's called the Cat-mas Tree!
Blackstar: What is a Cat-mas Tree?
Firestar: I'll show you! *grabs Tawnypelt and makes her stand up on her hind legs and ties them to the ground*
Tawnypelt: Really?!
Firestar: Then, you take some Cat-mas lights. *grabs lights out of no where and starts wrapping them around Tawnypelt*
Tawnypelt: Don't touch me with those things, mouse-brain!
Firestar: Then you put a star on top *grabs magical star and ties it onto Tawnypelt's forehead&
Firestar flips a switch, making Tawnpelt glow.
Tawnypelt: *sighs*
Blackstar: WOW! How do I get one?
Firestar: Just call 1-800-GET-LOST. Again, that is 1-800-GET-LOST
Tawnypelt: Now how in the name of Starclan will I get out of this stuff?
Firestar: Uh......good question....... *runs away*
Blackstar helps Tawnypelt out, then Tawnypelt mauls Firestar.
Jayfeather poofs in magically: Get your Cat-mas tree today!
I know, fail xD Paul McCartneyI LOVE YOU!!!!! 23:05, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
ELDER SERVANT 3000
Mousefur:Are you tired of having lousy apprentices care for you?
Longtail:YES!!!!!!!! OH STARCLAN YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Mousefur:Then try the elder servant 3000! It picks out your ticks!
(Cat shaped robot picks out Longtail's ticks super fast.)
Mousefur:It feeds you!
Longtail:(To robot) I want rabbit surpise!
Robot:Here you go Longtail. (Holds up Rabbit surprise.)
Mousefur:BEST OF ALL.....IT DOES WHAT EVER YOU TELL IT!
Longtail:Stop that falling tree from hitting me!
(Robot picks up the tree)
Robot:OVERLOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Explodes,tree fall on Longtail,killing him.)
Mousefur:Call 1800-DUMB that's 1800-DUMB We are not responsible for death elders!
The Mouse-Catcher 5000
- Firestar comes on screen*
Firestar: Tired of having to hunt SO much for your lazy mate?
Spiderleg: YES!!!!! YES!!!!!!
Firestar: Then we've got just what you need!
Spiderleg: Is it a Daisy-killer? PLEASE say a Daisy killer!!!!!!
- Daisy walks on screen*
Daisy:*raises eyebrow* ExCUSE me?
Spiderleg: Oh, um, heh heh, what I MEANT was... I love you honey!
Daisy:*walks off stage with skeptical look*
Spiderleg:*wipes sweat from forehead* PHEW, glad that's over. What were you saying?
Firestar: As I was saying..... The Mouse-Catcher 5000 can take care of ALL of your needs!
- cuts to Hawkfrost*
Hawkfrost: With the Mouse-Catcher 5000, I was able to lure Firestar into that fox trap!
- cuts to Leafpool*
Leafpool: With the Mouse-Catcher 5000, I was able to distract the Clan while I had kits with Crowfeather!
- cuts to Hollyleaf*
Hollyleaf: With the Mouse-Catcher 5000, I was able to not starve in the tunnels! Thanks guys!
- cuts back to Firestar*
Firestar: Have these happy customers convinced you? If not, our PRICE will even more! The Mouse-Catcher 5000 can be YOURS for only $29.99! That's $29.99!
Cloudtail:*in creepily deep voice* Plus $299.99 shipping and handling.
Firestar: To get your Mouse-Catcher 5000, call 1-800-IAMUSINGTHISMONEYTOBUYKITTYPETFOOD. That's 1-800-IAMUSINGTHISMONEYTOBUYKITTYPETFOOD! Order YOURS today!
Mousekit:*in really deep voice* Wearenotresponsiblefordeath,greencough,whitecough,injuries,visions,hallucination,poisonedfood,oranythingelse.
REINCARNATOR 3000
Bluestar:Do you miss a cat that is in Starclan?
Firestar:(Crying) Y-Y-Y-YES!!!!! MY SPOTTEDLEAF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bluestar:SHUT UP!!!!! I mean,then buy the Reincarnator 3000! It's simple! Just point it at a starclan cat....then blast!
Firestar:(Points at Spottedleaf and blasts.)
Spottedleaf:(Dissapears)
Firestar:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Bluestar:SHUT UP!!! I mean,then point it at a queen and blast. Then wait for nature to take it's course.
Firestar:(Blasts at Daisy)
Daisy:WEIRDO.
MONTHS LATER!!!!
Daisy:(Staring at a tortieshell kit) AWWWWWWW.....
Firestar:HEY!!!!!! THAT IS SPOTTEDLEAF! (Picks up kit and kisses it) I LOVE YOU! (Kisses more)
Bluestar:(Covering kissing with her paw.) Call 1800-WERESTUPID today! That's 1800-WERESTUPID!
Cloudtail:(Deep voice) We are not responsible for bringing evil cats back from the dead.
Cinderheart:Why is my kit......killing other cats?
Dark brown tabby kit:MUHAHAHAHA!!!!! I AM TIGERKIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
super drink
Firestar:tired of being tired? to hard to hunt or take care of kits? well not anymore! with the new super energy drink!*hands one to graystripe*
Graystripe:*opens can and drinks it*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IM SO ENERGIZED!!!!!IM GOING TO HUNT!!!!!NO IM GOING TO CLEAN THE WHOLE CLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!*runs around like maniac*NOW IM GOING TO KILL RANDOM CATS!!!!!*sees firestar*
Firestar:why are you looking at me like that?!oh NO don’t come near me!!
Graystripe:*starts mauling firestar*DIE DIE!!!!!!!
Camera man:we are experiencing technical difficulties please stand by.
Graystripe:*suddenly falls asleep*
Firestar in raspy voice:order one now 123 4567 DIE DIE and if you call now you get a specail offer!!!one whole crate of drinks for only 1000000!!!if you call later its 2000 so call now and get the deal!!!
Leafpaw in strange low voice:wearenotresponsibleforsuddenkillingurgesorgettingexiledfromyourclan
by:dark meow (talk) 04:50, July 20, 2012 (UTC)
twoleg translator 1000
Onestar:tired of getting your mate or best friend stolen by twolegs?
Firestar:yes YES!!
Onestar:well not anymore!!!with the twoleg translator 1000 you can tell the twolegs to stop peacfully!!!it also translates twoleg speak in over 50 languages!!!here is a live demo!!!
Firestar:*walks up to twoleg*get off my territory stupid twoleg!!
Twoleg:huh?what the heck?!?!stupid #@$#@ cat.
Firestar:!!!! How dare you call me that!!!*attacks twoleg*
Twoleg:*attacks firestar*stupid @#$#@%$ cat!!
Kits:!@#$#@%$
Onestar:watch your language!now see how peacefully they got rid of the twoleg?*twoleg rips firestars tail off**firestar rips out twoleg hair off head*order now and get a free twoleg to try it on!!!just call 1800@#$#%^%$
Kits:wearenotresponsiblefordeathorbeingkilledbytwolegsorthedestructionoftheforest
Onestar:CALL NOW!!!!
by:dark meow (talk) 04:49, July 20, 2012 (UTC)
Competition-Be-Gone
(A/N: This is going to be a total fail. xD)
Spottedleaf: Tired of Sandstorm steal--*coughs* I mean, tired of other cats *hacks* stealing your mate?
Ashfur: O_O Yes.
Spottedleaf: Well, with the Competition-Be-Gone, you can zap that competitor out of the running and get that tom--
Cloudtail: *pokes head in* Or she-cat! *disappears*
Spottedleaf: And be competition-free! Let's try it out - Ashfur, want to be our guest-tester.
Ashfur: *grins evilly* Get ready, Brambleclaw...
Spottedleaf: *hands leafblower-type object to Ashfur and raises voice* Now, this won't hurt them--
Ashfur: It won't?
Spottedleaf: *continues* But it will make sure that lovely cat is yours - forever! Brambleclaw, please step forward.
Brambleclaw: *grumbles*
Ashfur: Squirrelflight, here I come! *turns on leafblower*
Brambleclaw: ¬_¬
Ashfur: *struggling* It...won't....work!
Spottedleaf: Let me try it, dear. *takes leafblower-type object* Sandstorm!
Sandstorm: *irritable* What?
Spottedleaf: *slides work goggles onto head and turns on the leafblower*
Sandstorm: *gets sucked into leafblower*
Spottedleaf: There! Call 1-800-SSBGONE today! That's 1-800-SSBGONE.
Ashfur: *fur is ripped and missing one claw - fought with Brambleclaw* And what does that stand for?
Spottedleaf: Uum...not Sandstorm be gone, surely?
Ashfur: *mauls*
Red Panda Potter 16:55, June 22, 2012 (UTC)
kitypet catapult
Onestar:tired of pesky kittypets?!
Blackstar:YES YES!!!
Onestar:well then you should get the kittypet catapult!!!!
Blackstar:that’s AWESOME!!!!how does it work?
Onestar:first load the bait!then move to the kittypet area!then aim at another clan!!then wait until you see the kittypets in the catapult!!then cut the cheese*cough* string!!here are customer reviews!!
Sandstorm:this is horrible*cough*great!!
Graystripe:this is the worst*cough*best thing ever!!!it flung me out of stupid thunderclan territory into starclan!!
Mistystar:well since im getting paid to do this,I mean this is AWESOME!!!i am not getting paid to do this!!this is my honest opinion!!this thing was horrible,I mean great!!it launched my best warriors into starclan!!
Onestar:so call now!!!for only 1232342.34!!the number is1800we suck!!
Blackstar*calls*
Kits:wearenotresponsiblefordeathbeinglaunchedtostarclanorbeingrippedupbykittypets
by:dark meow (talk) 04:48, July 20, 2012 (UTC)
The Ultra Make-a-kit!
(Warning you now, this is going to suck)
Sorreltail: Did your mate stop having kits with you?
Daisy: YES YES!
Sorreltail: Do you want to stuff yourself with fresh-kill, but can't since you have no kits?
Daisy: TELL ME WHAT IT IS ALREADY!!!!!
Sorreltail: Then buy the new Ultra Make-a-Kit!
Daisy: How does it work???
Ferncloud: Yes tell me! 7 kits isn't enough! I need 20!!!!!'
Dustpelt: *walks away awkwardly*
Sorreltail: All you do is jump into this metal thing here. *shoves Daisy in*
Daisy: Wait! What if I die???
Brightheart: Good ridance
Daisy: *pouts* Spiderleg! She's mean!
Spiderleg: Thanks Brightheart
Daisy: *starts whining like a kit*
Sorreltail: Daisy, if you don't shut up, I will kill you.
Daisy: *shuts up*
Sorreltail: anyway.... just throw yourself in and flick this switch! *flick switch and Daisy falls inside the machine*'
Daisy: *screams* I'm gonna die!'
Cloudtail: Make me nachos and I will save you.
Daisy: FINE!!! *makes awful nachos*
Cloudtail: These suck! *walks away*
Sorreltail: DAISY! YOU ARN"T GOING TO DIE!
Daisy: oh
Sorreltail: Now, once the she-cat is fully insid ethe machine, a secret process forms, and then, BOOM! She has kits!
Daisy: *slides out of the machine with 4 new kits* I name them Softkit, Spikekit, Stripekit, and Stupidkit.
Sorreltail: YOU CAN'T NAME A KIT STUPIDKIT!
Daisy: Lol, yes I can!
Sorreltail: *kills Daisy* Ferncloud, raise the kits
Ferncloud: *picks up the kits*
Sorreltail: No, Like you did with Icecloud and Foxleap!
Ferncloud: Oh *picks up the kits like she did with Icecloud and Foxleap*
Sorreltail: Sigh. If you want one of these, just call 1-800-make-a-kit and get your Ultra Make a kit today!
yeah that sucked. Oh well. Credit to Tanglefrost for the nachos Brighty... Bluestar and Brightheart 01:21, December 6, 2012 (UTC)Bluestar&Brightheart
INSTANT NACHOS
Cloudtail: HURRY UP NACHOS I WANT TO EAT YOU!
(Onestar walks in)
Onestar: Why so sad?
Cloudtail: My nachos is taking forever!
Onestar: Well that's where I can help! I have here Onestar's Instant Nachos!
Cloudtail: OOOH! :D
Onestar: Tastes just like a real nachos baked in the oven, with no time at all!
Cloudtail: How do I use it?
Onestar: Well, you get one packet of Onestar's Instant Nachos, then you say "UMA NACHOS" 3 times, then stamp your paw, then put it in the microwave for 15 seconds and you're done!
Cloudtail: Let me try!
Cloudtail: UMA NACHOS! UMA NACHOS! UMA NACHOS!
(Cloudtail stamps paw)
(Cloudtail puts the nachos in for 15 seconds)
(ding)
Cloudtail: The nachos is done!
(Onestar takes the nachos out)
Onestar: See! Exactly like a real oven-baked nachos!
Cloudtail: Can I try some?
Onestar: Go ahead!
(Cloudtail eats the nachos)
Cloudtail: YUM!
Onestar: Did you hear that folks? It's delicioius! Now, for just $4.99 a pack, you can make your OWN! Onestar's instant nachos comes in 4 varieties: Mexican spice, Indian Spice, Mother's Love and Vegetarian, and if you order within the next ten minutes, you get a free CLOUDTAIL!
Cloudtail: What!?
Onestar: Just call:
1800 918 912
That's right,
1800 918 912!
by: Tanglefrost101!
The Winning Machine!
Tigerheart: Tired of trying to be a successful evil villain but always being killed off by the Erins?
Tigerstar, Scourge, and Hawkfrost: *sigh* Yes...
Tigerheart: What if you could WIN the battle of good and evil for once?
Scourge: I could rule the forest!
Tigerstar: No, I could rule the forest!
Hawkfrost: I just wanna beat Brambleclaw. That guy gets on my last nerve.
Scourge and Tigerstar: *start squabbling over who will be supreme ruler*
Scourge: Me!
Tigerstar: Me!
Tigerheart: SHUT UP!
Scourge and Tigerstar: *pee self in suprise* AGHAGAHGA! MOMMY!
Tigerheart: *counts to ten slowly* Then YOU need The Winning Machine! This handy device will help you win every battle with the simple flick of a button!
Mapleshade: *picks up winning machine* Does it work for revenge?
Tigerheart: Well, duh!
Mapleshade: YEAH! *pushes button repeatedly but nothing happens*
Scourge and Tigerstar: *snicker*
Mapleshade: THIS *presses* ISN'T *presses* WORKING! *presses like 25 times in two seconds*
Tigerheart: That's because it's a ripoff--I mean the total package! Not only does it give you complete domination, it gives you revenge, mind-control, and an endless supply of fresh-kill!
Mapleshade: *starts trying to disconnect and reconnect wires* WORK!!!!!!!
Tigerheart: Plus The Winning Machine! comes in THREE sporty colors--blood red, bone white, and bruise purple! Plus, if you order now, you get a free kit freshly stolen!
Random kit: *appears on screen* What the-?
Tigerheart: *reappears* Order your The Winning Machine! today before it's too late! You can call 1.800.EVIL. I repeat, that number is 1.800.EVIL!
Mapleshade: *in background* GAH! STUPID MACHINE!
By the one, the only, the supercalifragilisticexpialodocious NIGHTY!!!
Her name is Nighty And she starts the trends!
03:40, December 7, 2012 (UTC)
The Kitty Mixture
(Warning again, this will be stupid)
Onestar: Do you struggle with getting a mate?
Thornclaw: YES! Nobody loves meh! *sad face*
Onestar: Well, buy the new *is suddenly cut off by a screaming Hazeltail*
Hazeltail: DONT EAT THE HOT SAUCE! YOU DIE OF FLAME!!! *dies*
Onestar: ummmm.... yeah buy the new Kitty Mixture!
Snowfur: *pops out of nowhere* OMG WAT IT DO? WANT FOR MEH WHITY!
Whitestorm: Mom, stop embaressing me!
Snowfur: NEVAH!!!!!!
Onestar: *sigh* Can I get back to my comercial now?
Twoleg: Yep
Everyone: OMG A TWOLEG! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!
Twoleg: Oh my *walks away, completely unharmed*
Hollyleaf: Y U NO LET ME KILL HIM???
Brighty (thats meh): Holly, I luv you, but your killing things is getting out of hand. Have some matches instead. *throws matches at Hollyleaf*
Hollyleaf: I hate matches
Brighty: *extreme gasp* but Fercloud said you luuuuuuved matches!
Hollyleaf: *sigh* Didn't you watch Big Brother ThunderClan Week 5?
Brighty: Yeah, but I thought you would like them tooo!
Hollyleaf: *attempts to maul Brighty*
Onestar: *cuts off Brighty and Hollyleaf fighting* any-who. Buy the Kitty Mixture, and get an instant mate who will love you forever. And if you decide you hate them, just kill them. They can have kits too!
Kit: Wearenotresponsibleforyourexileand/ordeath.Pleaseuseresponsiblyandbe12moonsoroldertobuy
Onestar: Yep! Now call 1-800-Matches! for your Kitty Mixture! Call now and get 2 for half off! NOW CUT OFF THE FIGHT!
Brighty and Hollyleaf: *stop fighting*
Onestar: Thank you, and goodnight!
That was really stupid. I have a thing for doing stupid I guess. Credit again to Tangle for the matches reference and the mention of his/her fanfic. Brighty... Bluestar and Brightheart 01:13, December 8, 2012 (UTC)
The Fluffy Feet
Cinderheart: Ok, it's leafbare. Your pads are freezing! So what do you do?
Lionblaze: Um... nothing?
Cinderheart: NO! You call 897-345-2747 and order a pair of Fluffy Feet!
Lionblaze: Feet?
Cinderheart: Fluffy Feet are soft slippers that insulate your feet so you can't get that awful leaf-bare snow inbetween your claws!
Lionblaze, Squirrelflight, Crowfeather pop up: Yay!!
Cinderheart: So pick up that phone, call 897-345-2747 and get a warm, cozy, warm, cozy, warm, fluffy pair of FLUFFY FEET!
Breezepelt: But how much will it cost me? *squinty eyes*
Cinderheart: NOT MUCH! Just 56 1,000000000 dollar payments!
Breezepelt: WOW so cheap!!!
Cinderheart: IKR ;)
Lionblaze: Will you be my mate? *drools*
Cinderheart: Only if you buy a pair of FUZZY FEET today! 8D
Black Raven 01:01, January 6, 2013 (UTC)
Pie Flavoured Claws!!!
(If you guys have read these fanfictions, you might know what I'm refrencing)
Hollowflight: Are you tired or normal boring claws?
Lionblaze: All they do is kill stuff. Can claws do anything else?
Hollowflight: They can now! (holds up bag off pies) This shall help!
Lionblaze: Pie?
Hollowflight: Pie
Hollyleaf: Mmmmmm... PIE! (eats the pie)
Lionblaze: HOLLY! My claws are ruined!!!!
Hollowflight: Actually I picked up the wrong bag. (Holds up package of spices) THIS SHALL HELP BORING CLAWS!
Crookedstar: (jumps through a portal) I WNAT SOME!!!
Hollowflight: (throws him a bag) Hey,,, I thought only Mistystar could use portals!
Mistystar: (jumps through a portal) He paid me 30 rabbits. They mysteriously dissapeared from RiverClan camp.
Hollowflight: Well then... That's interesting.
(Enter Tigerheart Stage Right)
Tigerheart: Hey Hollowflight, aren't you on Big Brother RiverClan right now?
Hollowflight: WEEKEND BREAK! I'm selling mah claws now! Nobody in the house likes them. D:
Mistystar: That stikns. How do your claws work?
Hollowflight: So you take the flavor you want, and pour it on your claws like this! (does so) Now let them dry for 20 minutes, and BOOM They tastle like pie forever! You can change the flavor, just pour this stuff on your claws, (pours stuff) and it takes away the current flavor and your can add more!
Lionblaze: I'll take 10 packets! How much do they cost?
Hollowflight: Only 10 easy payments of $19.95, or 50 rabbits!
Lionblaze: (Throws rabbits and takes the packets)
Hollowflight: Wow. Where did he get these?
Hollyleaf, Lionblaze and Tigerheart simultaneously: WindClan territory.
(In WindClan)
Onestar: CROWFEATHER, BRREZEPELT, HEATHERTAIL! Since you bother ThunderClan so much, go find where all our rabbits went!
Crowfeather, Breezepelt and Heathertail: YES SIR!
Hollowflight: They come in Cheery cherry, listening lime, lorr lemon, awesome apple, or perfect peach! Or der your today! Just call 1800-Thisisactuallyahugescam That's 1800-Thisisactuallyahugescam
Crowferaher: THERE HE IS!
(Hollowflight is mauled)
Lionblaze: GET IT! ITS COOL!
Brighty... Bluestar and Brightheart 01:02, January 8, 2013 (UTC)
Da Amazing Cook-A-Fresh-Kill!
*Heathertail walks infront of a crowd*
Heathertail: (In a strange deep voice) Are you tired of eating cold fresh-kill?
Sagewhisker: *appears from a random portal* I am!
Graystripe and Rowanclaw: Meeeeeeeeeee!
Deep-voiced Heathertail: Then get the new Cook-A-Fresh-Kill! *Holds up a tiny microwave*
- Breston Pickles appears with 4 arms, each holding a Cook-A-Fresh-Kill*
Breston Pickles: It comes in Aqua Blue, Grass Green, Firestar Red, and Highlighter Yellow!
Furzepelt and Boulderfur: Get outta here!
- Breston Pickles disapears into thin air*
Deep-voiced Heathertail: Just put your fresh-kill here...
Breezepelt: That's a microwave!
Crowd: Gasp!
Deep-voiced Heathertail: Breezepelt, I banish you from this commercial! *Holds up a diamond pickaxe*
Breezepelt: Eeeeeeeeeek! *Runs away*
Deep-voiced Heathertail: Only $298.89 plus taxes, handling, and shipping
Foxleap: What are taxes?
Deep-voiced Heathertail: 12 rabbits, 23 mice, and 18 thrushes!
Foxleap: Okey-Dokey! *Goes off in search of fresh-kill*
Firestar and Brambleclaw: We want ours now!
Deep-voiced Heathertail: What? They're not made yet. At least not enough.
Crowd: 0-o *whole crowd gets poker faces*
The End by: Cleverpelt, aka, warriorlover12345. (Sorry, can't do my siggie)
The Vanishing Cat®
Ivypool: Do you ever feel like you're third-wheeling? Taking a back-seat in the conversation whilst your friend and his or her mate cuddle up with sweet talk?
Redpoppy: ...all the time. ¬_¬
Ivypool: Then it's time you got the Vanishing Cat (licensed by Ivypool & Co. :D)!
Redpoppy: And what does this...'Vanishing Cat' do, exactly?
Ashfur: She-cats these days...no more brains than a mouse!
Ivypool & Redpoppy: *growl*
Ivypool: The Vanishing Cat (licensed by Ivypool & Co.) will rid you of your friend-troubles - and your friend's romantic interest! All you have to do is buy the machine, a relatively small device no bigger than a hare, and implant it into your desired victim's next meal.
Redpoppy: But what if he's a rogue? D:
Ivypool: Find a way. Anyways, Dovewing, Tigerheart, you two will be the demonstrators. Now, see this chip?
Redpoppy: *eagerly* Is that the Vanishing Cat? :D
Ivypool: Indeed! Now, Dovewing, Tigerheart, why don't you two go get some food to eat? Oh, Tigerheart, that's pitifully small! Take this mouse! *inserts chip into mouse and pushes it enthusiastically towards Tigerheart* It's perfectly safe! :D
Tigerheart: *snarfs mouse*
Redpoppy: ...now what?
Ivypool: Now we wait! :D
Tigerheart: *blows up*
Redpoppy: Wow! Look at that everybody, it worked!
Ivypool: For a small fee of thirteen mice, the Vanishing Cat can be yours! Order now and we'll throw in an additional Vanishing Cat for a particular enemy you hate. Call 1-800-VNS-HGCT. :D
Redpoppy: *dials*
Ivypool & Redpoppy: Guaranteed to work :D
omg, that was such a fail. -_- I fail at amusement. -- Forever going with the flow but you're friction 23:48, March 18, 2013 (UTC)
Blood Redifyer!
Hawkfrost: Are you tired of that your enemies blood is pale when you kill them?
Mapleshade&Tigerstar: *Wide eyes* Yeah! Yeah!
Hawkfrost: Then get the Blood Redifyer! It turns your blood the perfect shade of red!
Mapleshade&Tigerstar: Oo, ah.
Hawkfrost: I will need a test subject.
Crimsonpaw: Meee! Meeeee! Ooo! Pick Meeee!
Hawkfrost: Your blood is plenty red!
Crimsonpaw :,(
Hawkfrost: Do you want me to prove your blood is red?
Crimsonpaw: No, sir. *Is scared*
Hawkfrost: Good. How about you, kind sir?
- Out in audience* Paleblood: *Points to himself* Me?
Hawkfrost: Yes, you. Come on up here!
Paleblood: Okay!
Hawkfrost: So you just stick the Blood Redifyer under the claws and...
Paleblood: Owey!
Hawkfrost: just let the Blood Redifyer do it's work.
Paleblood: My blood feels more red already!
Hawkfrost:*Kills*
Paleblood *Is killed*
Hawkfrost: Just look at that scarlet blood! Get your Blood Redifyer today!
Tigerstar: I'll take 1!
Mapleshade: I'll take 2!
Thistleclaw: I'll take 12!
Hawkfrost: Just call 519-0016-POISON CONTROL! Once again that's 519-0016-POISON CONTROL!
Shredtail: *Really fast* WearenotresponsableforanypoisoningsorspillageofBloodRedifyeronyourselfbutwearetotallyresponsableforanydeaths.
That was fun! Can I go to the change room to see if this book fits me? 18:26, July 13, 2013 (UTC)
Dark forest B gone
Bramblestar:Are you sick of the Dark forest always killin' cats!
Longtail: Yes they killed mah mousy *Bursts into tears*
Bramblestar: Then call 1-800-800-THIS IS NOT A REAL NUMBER and avenge your mousys death by buying the Dark forest B gone!
<Shows picture of Dark forest B gone>
Clawface: Whats that?
Bramblestar: Why its a Dark forest B gone!
Clawface: Can I try?
Longtail: Sure put your head next to that thing that looks like giant mechanical claws!
Clawface: *Head gets shread to peices*
Snowkit: Order now and avenge a death at 1-800-800-THIS IS NOT A REAL NUMBER
I reapeat 1-800-800-THIS IS NOT A REAL NUMBER!
--hawkfrost_and_bramblestar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 22:31, October 28, 2013 (UTC)
Dazzleshine Toothpaste
Firestar: Do you have horrible, yellow, cavity filled teeth?
Yellowfang: *nods feverently*
Firestar: Then try NEW! DAZZLESHINE CAT TOOTHPASTE! Sure to guarantee you a perfect smile!
Yellowfang: What does this Dazzle stuff do?
Firestar: It does this! *flashes perfect, straight, white teeth* I tried NEW! DAZZLESHINE TOOTHPASTE! for just one week and I ended up with these beauties! *flashes smile again* That's right folks, just ONE WEEK!
Yellowfang: How can I obtain this Dazzleshine toothpaste?
Firestar: Just dial 1800-DAZZLE-RAZZLE to get your toothpaste! I'll say it again, that's 1800-DAZZLE-RAZZLE!
Yellowfang: *picks up phone* I WANT TOOTHPASTE!!!
Firestar: Order within the next five minutes and you will get this NEW! DAZZLESHINE MOUTHWASH! ABSOLUTLEY FREE! That's right folks, ABSOLUTLEY FREE!
Yellowfang: How much does it cost?
Firestar: Only all your catmint and half your prey, or £10,000 in twoleg money! At this bargain price, you can get NEW! DAZZLESHINE TOOTHPASTE! easily! Now here's the science bit!
Deep voiceover: NEW! DAZZLESHINE TOOTHPASTE! blasts plaque, destroys cavities and whitens teeth in just one tube! After a week, you'll have gnashers just like Firestar!
Firestar: So buy NEW! DAZZLESHINE TOOTHPASTE! For that PUURRRFECT smile! *flashes smile again*
Deep voiceover: DazzleshinetoothpasteCo.isnotresponsibleformakingyourteethevenworse
LOL! Only Miss The ☼ Sun ☼ When It Starts To ☁ Snow ☁ 18:18, October 31, 2013 (UTC)