This is where EVERYONE posts the best, stupidest, funniest Warriors-related commercials of the millenium! This page is open for ANYONE to edit, so make up a stupid commercial and write it here! HAWKFIRE98 00:39, May 28, 2010 (UTC)
Power Catgers Action Figures (Power Rangers But Cats)
Tangerine: Do you love Power Catgers?
Random cat: Yes!
Tangerine: Do you REALLY love Power Catgers?
Random cat: YES!
Tangerine: Do you ACTUALLY, REALLY, REALLY, LOVE POWER CATGERS?!?!?!
Random cat: YEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!! -starts trembling-
Tangerine: Then buy these Power Catger Action Figures, who will stand in awesome poses and say random things!
Random cat: -snatches first Power Catger and presses button-
Power Catger: "WindClan cats smell like socks."
Random cat: What the... -presses button again-
Power Catger: "RiverClan cats look like hairballs."
Tangerine: BUY A POWER CATGER TODAY!
Carmel: Are you itching for a new Pokémon game?
Carmel: Then Pokémon Go-
Lyrics: -kicks Carmel off stage- YOU STUPID! U MEAN POKÉMON SUN AND MOON!
ThunderClan: I WANT POKÉMON GO U (bleep)
-Carmel stomps on stage, Luke Skywalker's lightsaber in paw-
Carmel: LYRICS! YOU SHALL DIE! -tries to electrify Lyrics-
Lyrics: You will not win, Palpatine! -does backflip and draws out a purple double blade lightsaber-
-awesome battle scene-
-5 hours later-
Lyrics: YOUNG SKYWALKER! -points lightsaber to Carmel's throat- YOU SHALL DIE UNDER MY PAWS!
Carmel: -growls- NEVER! -slams blade into Lyrics' lightsaber-
Lyrics: You're weaker than I am! Don't deny it!
-Ella runs in like a fangirl-
Ella: CAN I HAVE YOUR SIGNATURE CARMEL?!
Carmel: -puts down lightsaber- Sure!
Lyrics: -stabs Carmel- YAS!
Ella: OMG ITS MACE WINDU!!!!!!!! CAN I HAVE YOUR SIGNATURE
Lyrics: -bows- sure. This is my sig. You can't stop me from anything, because I am implusive, tough, and I love you
ThunderClan: OMG WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DUEL
Vishueni: Tired of your kits whining for something to do?
Crowfeather: Yes white lynx- I mean Visheuni.
Visheuni: Then, your problems are solved! Buy the Kit Accessories! Collectable at select online stores!
Crowfeather: *goes online and pulls it up*
Visheuni: 10 dollars for a set, 5 for a single!
Crowfeather: OMSC THEIR SO EXPENSIVE!!!!
Visheuni: No, that is extremely cheap.
Crowfeather: Here, take 1000 dollars!
Visheuni: I'm rich!
Deep voice: WEARENOTRESPONSIBLEFORYOURKITSGETTINGBANNEDREFUSINGTOBEAPPRENTICESORTHECAMPSETTINGONFIREORWORSE.
(Young version of Bluestar dances on stage with 10 inch super sparkly silver sequin heels)
Bluestar: This pair of pretty blinding silver heels are on 90% discount! £20000000 per shoe! Get them now!
(Audience throws dead mice at her)
Bluestar: FRESH-KILL FOR DAYS!!! NOM NOM NOM!!!
(She gathers the mice and tumbles down stage)
Moonflower: (walks on stage in a black tutu that is something people wear in 1700) Look, this tutu is on 90% discount- HKD 1! (1 USD= 7.8 HKD)
Name Changer Machine
(Crookedstar, Loudbelly and Dawnstripe goes on stage)
Dawnstripe: Are you all SICK OF BAD NAMES?
Crookedstar, Loudbelly: YES!
Dawnstripe: Do you all want to change the bad names?!
Crookedstar, Loudbelly: YES!
Dawnstripe: Well then, use this Name Changing Machine! Just simply enter your prefix- and BAM! Now I am Dawnshimmer! If you want to change your prefix, enter your suffix!
(Crookedstar enters suffix and gets his name)
Crookedstar: I am now Handsomestar! *squeals happily*
(Rainflower marches in and enters her prefix)
Rainflower: I am now... Rainpool! Nice name! *Rainpool runs away*
(Loudbelly enters prefix and gets his name)
Loudbelly: WHY THE (censored) AM I LOUDJINGLEJANGLEPANTS?! MY NAME IS WORSE!
Inventor: Forgot to mention it has a 30% chance of failing! Get it now for £0.0000001! Dial +12 234 567 890 to get it FREE!!!
(Loudjinglejanglepants mauls inventor)
Jade_JMint33 06:48, February 15, 2016 (UTC)
- Ashfur walks in, dressed like Billy Mays*
Ashfur: Has this ever happened to you?
- cuts to Hawkfrost*
Hawkfrost: I SPILLED BLOOD ALL OVER MY FUR.
Ashfur: Well, now theres a solution! Just apply Moxi Clean to your fur, and in minutes your fur will be blood and ash free! Just take a look at these satisfied customers!
Tigerstar: Moxi Clean saved me the trouble of licking Runningwind's blood off my body!
Yellowfang: Thanks to Moxi Clean, I went to Starclan completely clean of ash from the fire I died in!
Ashfur: To hide the evidence, just use Moxi Clean to clean away ash and blood. It even hides the scent! It worked with me! I returned to my clan from threatening Squirrelflight's "kits" and looked completely clean! He he...
Ashfur: And with this special TV offer, you can get Moxi Clean for only 4........easy payments of 25.86!
Ashfur: But wait theres more! If you call this number in the next two seconds you can get two containers for free-TOO LATE YOU SLOW BYE.
- Commercial ends* (Credit to Nigahiga for ending.)
Purr-fect Brownie Pan
Darkstripe walks in. He is wearing overalls and sparkly high heel boots.
Darkstripe: Tired of having awful burnt brownies that stick to your pan? Tired of having to rip them apart to get to the warm chewy soft inside? Well with the Purr-Fect Brownie Pan, that will all disappear!!
Poppydawn: *gasp* REALLY??
Darkstripe: Absolutely! The Purr-Fect Brownie Pan is only $18.104.22.168.99 and a fourth of a cent!
Poppydawn: Only $22.214.171.124.99 and a fourth of a cent!! WOW! *wide eyes in awe*
Darkstripe: Plus shipping and handling. NOW PICK UP THE FREAKIN PHONE AND CALL THE NUMBER BELOW OR WE WILL ROB YOUR HOUSE AND TAKE ALL OF YOUR DANIMALS CRUSH CUPS!!!
Poppydawn: *freaks out and looks on the screen below, types in the number, and orders a brownie pan*
Darkstripe: REMEMBER, WE WILL TAKE YOUR FAVORITE ANGRY PURPLE DOG AND YOUR DANIMALS CRUSH CUP IF YOU DONT CALL!!
Poppydawn: *dials numbers so fast that the phone bursts into flames* Toothpaste and coconuts!! *curses violently at the phone and leaves*
Number that was down below: 1-800-YUR-DUMB Call now!
Amazing Bouncie Paws
Firestar: -pads in- ARE YOU TIRED OF REGULAR PAWS?
Firestar: Well here's BOUNCIE PAWS!!! -puts them on- You can bounce and pad at the same time!
Firestar: -puts on bouncie shoes- See these? They make you fall. -falls-
Firestar: BUT WITH BOUNCIE PAWS...-puts them on and bounces- YOU BOUNCE AND DON'T FALL! JUST CALL 495-232-FAIL to get them!!
Sandstorm: -picks up the phone and calls- I WANT BOUNCIE PAWS
Person: here. -bouncie shoes appears from phone-
Sandstorm: -wears them and falls- WOW, WUT A WASTE
Lionblaze: Hello, everybody! Are you lonely?
Lionblaze: Well, you need a good friend! And I can get you one!
Lionblaze: Cheer up, little guy!
Lionblaze: Aww, be happy!
Jayfeather: DON'T. CALL. ME. LITTLE. GUY. *mauls*
Lionblaze: *is maul'd*
Breezepelt: HI! Jayfeather, I'm here to take Lionblaze's place!
Jayfeather: GASP! You're my best friend, Breezepelt!
Breezepelt: When you Create-a-Cat, you get to find the pelt you want, pick the color of stuffing, and give the heart a kiss so your kitty friend has lots of love!
Jayfeather: Sounds like fun! Breezepelt, you aren't my BFF anymore, I need to go Create-a-Cat!
Breezepelt: *forever alone*
Beetlewhisker and Tawnypelt pad in.
Tawnypelt: Tired of having dirty foxes in YOUR territory?
Tawnypelt: Don't you just want to wash them up and get them sparkly clean??
Tawnypelt: Well, with the new Foxy Clean storage packs, that is possible!!
Beetlewhisker: How? *eyes wide*
Tawnypelt: First, stuff that stupid fox into the washing machine. *stuffs fox into washing machine* And then, simply drop one of the Foxy Clean storage packs in, and start it up! *presses START*
Fox: OMGosh! ITS LIKE A CARNIVAL RIDEE!! *screamz*
Tawnypelt: Shut up! Were doing the commecial! *kicks washing machine and turns back to camera*
Beetlewhisker: The fox is SO clean!! *admires*
Tawnypelt: Yes, if you want your fox clean, call 1-800-YUR-FOXY! Call now! *smiles and winks*
- Feathertail and Squirrelpaw walk out
Feathertail: Do you want nice, poofy, dry fur?
Feathertail: While look no more! *produces blow drier* We call this: the Fur Blower!
Feathertail: *hands to Squirrelpaw* Here! Try it! *continues tal;king. In background, Squirrelpaw turns on blowdrier, smiles and points it at herself, she gets blown away* This product is perfectly safe! It takes your wet, stinky fur and makes it nice and warm and dry!
Squirrelpaw: *is dizzy from being blown away* So....don't...delay...order yours...today!
Feathertail: It's a squirrelleg value for just 99 rabbits!
Squirrelpaw: Get yours today!
Together: At: 555-555-555-555-555 FURDRIER !
The IPod Cat
Random deep voiced announcer: First the IPod. Then the IPod nano. Then the IPod touch... And now, The IPod Cat! It comes in three sick nasty colors!
Fire Hot red tabby! Icy blue She-cat, and White Tortoiseshell tom!
Lionblaze: (Walks infront of camera)
Random deep voiced announcer: Hey, you!
Random deep voiced announcer: The IPod Cat is only $2342.48!
Lionblaze: OH. MY. STARCLAN!
Random deep voiced announcer: And it holds 4 1/5 songs!
Lionblaze: *Ish Surprised*
Random deep voiced announcer: Let's hear some reviews from our satisfied customers!
Brambleclaw: The IPod Cat ruined my life... *Sniffs* WHY WOULD YOU PEOPLE MAKE SUCH A THING?!?! WHY WOULD YOU...
Random deep voiced announcer: Let's go to another review, heh...
Squirrelflight: The IPod Cat stinks.
Foxleap: (In Straight Jacket) I loved it!!!!
Squirrelflight: Can it you! *Mauls*
Random deep voiced announcer: Uh, heh. Well, you heard them! Buy yours today! Just call 481-516-2342!
Lionblaze: You cheapskate! Selling cats for profit! *Mauls Random deep voiced announcer*
Random deep voiced announcer: (Cannot be heard over intense screams of pain and mauling)
Found a vid on YouTube called "The IPod Human" And spoofed it here. (I hid four LOST references. I'm such a geek.)
Mistystar- Are you sick of your pelts always getting cramped up in your den?
Mistystar- Well try Star bags! Just put in your pelts *stuffs another pelt in bag* Suck out the air with your mouth! *sucks out the air* And there!
Reedwhisker- *takes the bag* Wow! *pours water all over it and takes out pelt* Cool it's still dry! *pelt is soaking wet*
Mistystar- And it even holds heavy winter pelts! *stuffs in her fluffy winter pelts and bag explodes* See! It still holds it!
Reedwhisker- I can't wait to try them!
Mistystar- Just call 1-800-This-Lame!
Reedwhisker- Awesome! *calls*
Mistystar- Sorry, we don't have any more Star Bags.
Mistystar- We only have these things called Space Bags, pfft, wrong shipment.
Debbie Hawkfrost Green Bags!
Hawkfrost: *tries to sound dramatic* Ew, look at these rotten fruits and vegetables! *holds nice looking fruits up* Oops, wrong fruit.. *holds up rotten ones* Don't you want them to look better?
Whitewater: YES!! OH. MY. STARCLAN! YES YES!
Hawkfrost: *pulls out a plastic Ziploc baggie* Then put them in here! *shoves fruit in bag* And let them stay there for a couple of days until they look worse *cough* I mean better!
Whitewater: *grabs chair and sits by the bag, looking intently at it for the next four days*
Hawkfrost: *pulls them out* Now look at them! They are more disgusting *cough* Cleaner than ever!
Whitewater: *dies from the smell*
Hawkfrost: Erm..they're supposed to do that..I think...
Lionheart: *walks in and dies from the smell*
Hawkfrost: Dangit.. *mutter mutter* Well anyway, if you want better looking fruits, then call now!!!
Birds fall from the sky after they die from the smell.
The cameraman dies and the camera tips over, ending the commercial.
Hawkfrost: Director! I never got to finish my commercial! *furious*
The Director is dead, too.
Spongebob: *walks in and talks SUPER fast* Call 123-456-7890! I repeat 123-456-7890! It is twenty dollars and a fifth of a cent. No shipping and handling is required. Please don't give these to your kids. Call now!
Lionblaze: Hi, everyone, do you hate battles? Well, I don't, and if you do I should maul you... but, for the sake of the commercial, DO YOU HATE BATTLES?
Lionblaze: WOULD YOU RATHER SIT AROUND CAMP AND STEAL FRESH-KILL?
Graystripe: YEAH! Why are we yelling?
Lionblaze: Then get the KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face* today!
Graysripe: What does it do?
Lionblaze: The KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face* clones you. You can tell it to eat it's dirt, fight battles for you, kill Ashfur, Hollyleaf, or Firestar, and fight battles for you.
Graystripe: That sounds awesome!
Lionblaze: I know! And while your CLONE! *puts on fake happy face* does whatever you want it to, you can sit around camp and steal fresh-kill! Then you can grow plump, and a desperate ThunderClan can sacrifice you to get food for the winter.
Graystripe: O.o I want the KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face*
Lionblaze: *shoves one in his face* There. DON'T TALK TO ME, YOU BATTLE-HATER!
Graystipe: *runs to the KittyClone! and Clones! himself*
Graystipe 2: Hi, Lionblaze!
Graystipe: Graystripe, I want you to kill Firestar.
Graystripe: I'm tired of him stealing my spotlight!
Firestar: *steals Graystripe's spotlight*
Graystripe 2: *murders Firestar*
Graystripe 2: Hey, you look like Firestar. *murders Lionblaze*
Graystripe: Murder Brambleclaw now.
Graystripe 2: OVERLOADOVERLOADOVERLOAD *poof*
Graystripe: *steals some fresh-kill* Get the KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face* today!
Tigerstar and Darkstripe pad in.
Tigerstar: Are you tired of suffering from whitecough?
Darkstripe (Sneezes.) Yes.
Tigerstar: Then buy the whitecough medicine! (Holds a pill in his hand.)
Darkstripe: (Takes pill and feels all better.) Wow, it really works!
Tigerstar: Of course it does. And you can have it for only $49.99! Plus 999,999,999.00 shipping and handling. And we will through in a second pill with your order, free. Just pay double shiping and handling. It can all be yours, if you cal: 111-1111. That's 111-1111. Remember, thats 111-1111.
Darkstripe: (Really fast.) We are not responsible for, depression, hair loss, heart attacks, strokes, or death.
Poppyfrost and Honeyfern walk in. Rainstorm is there speaking.
Rainstorm: Are you tired of boring old mice, chewy birds, watery water voles, and hairy squirrels?
Poppyfrost and Honeyfern: YES!
Rainstorm: Then you'll love Snake Crisps! They are juicy, crunchy potato chips with a hearty flavoring of snake!
Honeyfern: *Dies for the second time*
Poppyfrost: *Ignores* Where can I buy these 'Snake Crisps'?
Rainstorm: Just call 1800-999-911! Only 19 squirrels and a mouse! Plus 200 voles for shipping and handling.
Poppyfrost: *dials phone and walks away*
Rainstorm: We are not responsible for: Poisonings, Whitecough or Death.
Tigerstar: Are you tired of all the hard work it takes to clean up your enemy's blood? Well worry no more! The ShamPOW is the perfect product for you!
Poppyfrost: Really, how perfect?
Tigerstar: Well, it also works on water, milk, and medicine!
Firestar: Wow this seems great! *Looks directly at camera* Where can I find one?
Tigerstar: Well just call 555-555-555! It's that easy! 555-555-555! Operators are always on the line waiting for your call!
--Scene cuts to Hawkfrost, Thisleclaw and Darkstipe in front of telephones answering calls and writing down notes--
Graystripe: This great product and customer service for only 19.95! That's right, just 19.95! So call now!!
--Scence cuts to deep voice--
You must be 12 moons or older to order. CALL NOW!
Jayfeather: Are you tired of being unable to locate your secret cookie stash?
Jayfeather: Then worry no more! With the Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE you will never lose your cookies!
Jayfeather: The Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE locates all cookies within a mouse-length of you, as well as having a handy drink holder! *Shows Dovewing drink holder*
Dovewing: *Fake jaw drop* O.M.GEE! That is soooo cool! Feathertail, come see this!
(Feathertail walks in)
Feathertail: That is amazing! I never got that awesome range from Cookiefinders of competing brands.
Jayfeather: There's a living, breathing example- well, dead but anyway- for you! Call 1800-CRAPPY to collect yours! And if you call in the next five minutes, we'll give you a free metal cookie!
(Blank screen with falling apart cookie with star behind it appears)
(Screen flashes back to Jayfeather)
Jayfeather: Get your Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE today!
A fast voice mumbles: Warning-ctualCookiefinderEXTREEEMMEEmaynotwork.batteriesnotincluded.healthinsurancedoesnotcovercostofinjuriesguaranteedfromthisproduct.
The 'KillLionblaze 3 Thousand' !!
Announcer: Aren't you tired of watching Lionblaze kill all of your Clanmates without him having even a scratch?
Announcer: Well, not anymore with the 'KillLionblaze 3 Thousand' !!!
Russetfur: how does it work?
Announcer: Well first, you try to assemble your KL 3 Thousand by looking at meaningless instructions that never make sense.
Russetfur: *reads manual* GAH!! *gets frustrated and shoots book with gun*
Announcer: Second, turn on the KL 3 Thousand and watch it malfunction.
Russetfur: So...when do I get to kill the rascal?
Announcer: Whoa! Slow down! We have to figure out what's wrong with the machine! *inspects the KL* Okay I see the problem, it's stupid.
Russetfur (mutters): Like you?
Announcer (says with smile): I heard that! :) :) Okay and third and lastly, sic the KL 3 Thousand on the infamous Lionblaze and watch with fury as he tears it apart.
Russetfur: What, you're telling me that this thing doesn't work?
Announcer: Nothing works, sweetheart. As our job as announcers is to be totally annoying and lie about our stupid, meaningless products!
Russetfur: Don't. Call. Me. Sweetheart. RAWR! *mauls announcer*
- Lionblaze comes in*
Lionblaze: Okay, If you buy this stupid piece of crap that doesn't kill me, you get a bonus item that still costs money even thought we say it's free. With only the price of 3000000 mice with the monthly price of 400000 voles, you can get this fail of a product!
- Cloudtail comes in and does fast-talking*
Hehe... -- User:Honeyrose34/Sig 21:13, July 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Mousewhisker enters a random clan-esque kitchen*
Mousewhisker: Hello! It's MOUSEWHISKER with the STRIKE-SLICE! You're gonna feel GRRRRR-EAT all day because you'll be slicing your problems away with the strike-slice!
Daisy: MOUSEWHISKER! Be careful with that!
Mousewhisker: ....*cough* See, check this right? It's a vole! You just *strike* and you've got chunks for you, two strikes and you've got some for your friends, and look! Add a mouse and....*strike* the more you strike, the better it gets! Feeds the kitties in no time!
Daisy: Are you listening to me? Be careful!
Mousewhisker: I AM, MOM. Now see this? This is what I call a nice, juicy rabbit. But I'm sure you must hate pulling the meat out to eat, it's torture right? WRONG. With my patented Strike-Slice, just slice your troubles away!
Mousewhisker: Now, there are MAAANY different ways to use the Strike-Slice!
- Use it with your friends!*
Hazeltail: Mousewhisker, this is awesome!
- Use it on your enemies!*
Emberfoot: BORDER TRESPASSER! *lunges at Mousewhisker*
Emberfoot: HELP HE'S ARMED! GET AWAY FROM ME!
Mousewhisker: Haha! No chance, you fox-dung! *strike-slice*
Mousewhisker: So buy your very own Strike-Slice today! Call the number below: 555-You're-Gonna-Love-My-Mice or visit your local pet store! BUT WAIT! There's more?
Mousewhisker: Buy your Strike-Slice within the next hour and you'll get a complimentary.....ROOT-RUBBER! See, watch this! You just put your rotts here, right, and then you twist and...BAM! You can put these roots on your older kits food and they won't even notice as they get even healthier!
Poppyfrost: How much for these wonderful items?
Mousewhisker: I'm glad you asked! You can grab your Strike-Slice and your complimentary Root-rubber for the low low price of......19.95 kits plus shipping and handling!
Molekit: *in an awkwardly low, manly voice* ShippingandhandlingdependsontheareainwhichyouliveforWindClanitisonly6kitsbutRiverClanowes14kitsandShadowClanowes21kitsbecausetheyaretheenemiesofus.
Mousewhisker: That's right, nephew! Now order your Strike-Slice right away, and get to giving me those kits!
Molekit: Warning: We do not protect against disembodiement, death, your mate leaving you, your kits safety or Mousewhisker's reliability.
Bring to life 50000000000
Bluestar: Are you tried of randomly walking around a forest making useless threats on living cats
Brokenstar, and Mapleshade: Yes!
Bluestar: Well today is your lucky day, with the bring to life 5000000000 you can come back to life and actually do something about alive cats.
Mapleshade: How much?
Bluestar: It costs only 50000000 mice. But if you order now it will cost you 5000000000000000000 mice
Brokenstar: I need to order now to get the deal!
Bluestar: the number to call is 1800-this is actually a machine to get rid of the dark forest cats. That number again is 1800-this is actually a machine to get rid of the dark forest cats
The amazing kit transporter
Crookedstar: For all camps who call there are now kit transporters!
Cherrykit: what do they do?
Crookedstar: All territories who call will have kit transporters around their territory. There is one in camp that only you can transport to for when you are out of camp and you need to get in. The ones outside the camp you go in to go around your territory. You can also use the ones outside to get back in unseen.
Crookedstar: the number is 1800-678-5675 there is one catch though
Crookedstar: The transporter inside camp will only let you in if you use a transporter back in if you are a kit. The transporter inside the camp is in Firestar's den where we will install a alarm system for kits that go through the transporter. That number is 1800-567-2856
Cherrykit:I need one!
Brackenfur: Are you tired of those pesky kits always at your paws? Are you sick of those annoying kits always bothering you? Well, now, we have a solution! The brand new Kit-Killer 6000!
Sorreltail: Brackenfur! Can you come and take Lilykit and Seedkit for a walk?
Brackenfur: See what I mean? *To Sorreltail* I'll be right there dear! While I'm gone, here's one of our satisfied customers.
- Changes to Ashfoot*
Ashfoot: This thing really works. Got rid of my son Eaglekit just like that! *snaps* I love this. It got rid of my other kits, too! Too bad it didn't work on Crowfeather.....
- Changes back to Brackenfur*
Brackenfur: Using amazing kit-killing technology, it uses hundreds of methods to kill those irritating kittens. To purchase one, call 1-800-WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR BANISHMENT FROM YOUR CLAN. That number again is 1-800- WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR BANISHMENT FROM YOUR CLAN.
- Sorreltail, Lilykit, and Rosekit come in*
Sorreltail: Brackenfur, what are you doing?
Sorreltail: What is that thing you are hiding?
Sorreltail: The "Kit-Killer 6000"?!?
Brackenfur: ..........Call in now, and you get a free Brackenfur!
hehehe BTA~Imma Admin, So Don't Tick Me Off! 22:01, December 6, 2011 (UTC)
CUDDLE CAT! (Pillow Pet!) (Sniffmas)
Its a Cuddle
Its a Cat
Its a Cuddle Cat!
Hollyleaf: I just came back! :D Well, I brought something with me.
Lionblaze: Whadda bring?
Hollyleaf: A Cuddle Cat.
Lionblaze: What is a Cuddle Cat?
Hollyleaf: Instead of singing that annoying jingle, Ill show you. First, take the cat.
- Takes Jayfeather and folds him in half*
Hollyleaf: Fold the cat in half.
Jayfeather: Oh my Starclan! THIS IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE!
Lionblaze: *Gasps in awe*
Hollyleaf: Then, give it to the perfect size cat. *Yells* O-oh Mousefur!
Mousefur: Whadda want? *Before she can finish, Hollyleaf shoves the cat under Mousefur's head.
Hollyleaf: Now call this number to get one for a low price of 19.99. Warning. We do not accept Bills 50$ or under. No cash-back. No checks or credit cards. Cats-Love- Pie Call this number today: Cats-love-Pie
Lionblaze: OOOHHH! *Dials number*
Hollyleaf: There are also: Apprentice and Kit versions! Get every collectible one today!
Walkie-talkie for lovers == Blackstar: tired of not being able to talk with your mate from another clan?
Leafpool and Crowfeather: (eyes wide) Ya!!
Blackstar: well look no farther. With the six way walkie-talkie for lover you will be able to talk during the day without having to walk all the way to the border just to say hello. It costs one kit from each of your litters you have together.
Leafpool and Crowfeather: Wooooooooooooowwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blackstar: the four other walkie-talkies that come with this set will be installed in the leaders of all the clan's den so they will who you meeting where, when, and if it's not a cat from there clan ways to moke their leaders.
Crowfeather and Leafpool: How do I get one?!
Blackstar: You call 1800-this is a trap. That number is again 1800-this is a trap.
The Revenge on Blackstar commercials
Firestar: tired of the enemy's claws stuck in your back? Give them the claw sharpener as a way to get rid of your problems. Here is how it works.
Firestar walks over to Blackstar: do you have dull claws?
Firestar: do you want to do something about it?
Firestar points to the claw sharpener: Well stick your claws in that machine.
Blackstar sticks his claw in the machine. Machine makes noise. Noise stops and Blackstar gets out of machine and sees that his claws are now tiny stumps with no point.
Blackstar: I'm going to get you for this! Rowanclaw was suppose to be here and when he gets here I will get pay back.
Blackstar attacks Firestar and realizes he can't do any harm.
Firestar: See with this claw sharpener you won't have to worry about being clawed. Call 1880-647-874 to get yours today. It costs only 19.86.
Christmas Tree Collector:
Willowshine on the border of ShadowClan and RiverClan: Tired of being attacked if you walk into ShadowClan territory to get a pine tree for a Christmas tree?
Mothwing and Rowanclaw: Yes!
Willowshine: Well look no farther with the Christmas Tree Collector and here is how it works! (Turns on machine)
Machine reaches into ShadowClan pulls a pine tree out of the ground and places it in the RiverClan camp. Tree falls down destroying the dens and blocking the river making it over flow washing away the rest of the dens.
Mothwing and Rowanclaw: We want one!
Willowshine:To get one call 1800-get a Christmas tree. That number again is 1800-get a Christmas tree.
Rowanclaw: I can't wait to get one!
Mothwing: Aren't you from ShadowClan?
Rowanclaw: This is the Claw sharpener commercial right?
Rowanclaw: If anyone asks I wasn't here. I might as well go home now.
Talonpaw and Cedarheart with Tawnypelt and Blackstar are sitting next to a Twoleg nest.
Blackstar: Tired of hostile Kittypet attacking you in your own territory and having to let Firestar's warriors help you?
Talonpaw and Cedarheart: Yes!!
Blackstar: well with the Kittypet distractor you don't have to! Tawnypelt bring me one of the sacred bells.
Tawnypelt walks in slow motion towards a tree. She kepts walking and walking and walking and walking and walking.
Blackstar: Hurry up. After this I need to take my revenge on Firestar for cutting my claws. (Blackstar turns to the person typing this) Stop this and let me finish my comerical.
Author decides that she doesn't like this set of characters and declares: This commercial is now over!! Blackstar, Tawnypelt, Cedarheart, and Talonpaw, you are now fired!
Kittypet distractors take two
Firestar walks in with Princess and Smudge.
Princess: Tired of hostile kittypets attacking you?!
Smudge: Yes! (looks confused) We have hostile kittypets?
Princess: Firestar bring out the sacred bell.
Firestar walks over to a tree
Anoying Author aka me: stop this now! This is horrible!
Kittypet distractors take three
Blackstar, Talonpaw Tawnypelt, and Cedarheart walk in and sit down next to a Twoleg nest.
Talonpaw: I thought we were fired.
Annoying Author: I changed my mind
Blackstar: Tired of having to ask for help from ThunderClan because of hostile kittypets?
Talonpaw and Cedarheart: Yes!
Blackstar: Tawnypelt get the sacred bell! (Turns to look at Author and growls)
Author smiles and waves back
Tawnypelt gets to the tree and takes out a shiny jiggling bell. Walkes over to Blackstar and gives him the bell.
Blackstar: All you do is throw it up in the air and the kittypets will start to chase it. If one of them catches it it explodes.
Author: You are suppose to tell them the phone number to call.
Blackstar: Oops. The number to call is 1-800-566-6666. That number is 1-800-566-6666
Blackstar: throws bell up into air and kittypets chase and jump after it.
Talonpaw Cedarheart, Tawnypelt, and Blackstar: Wow shiny! (They all run after it)
Author: I thought you might think the bell is shiny.
Firestar on his way to a commercial (grounds shakes and parts of the ceiling falls down) :The author needs to replace the ceilings.
Kittypet distractors take four
The She-Cat Whisperer
(A/N - Yeah, I put this at the beginning. Anyhoo, this is an ad which keeps airing in my hometown, and I absolutely hate it. It's sexist and awful and... sexist. So, not only am I seizing the chance to make fun of a cat I thoroughly hate (heh, heh) I'm also checking if anyone else thinks this ad is sexist. (YouTube it). And, if you do, please comment below. I'm checking if I'm overreacting or not before I complain to the network.)
Brambleclaw: *cheers* Yay! I'm finally out of camp and hanging out with my friends! *drinks beer with Ashfur and Crowfeather*
Squirrelflight: *bustles up and stuffs stuff in her oversized purse* Right, Brambleclaw, we're leaving now. These cats stink! One of them loves me, and the other one loves my sister. *frowns*
Brambleclaw: O_O But, but... I've only had one sip of my beer! The glass is still full, thus proving that I have hardly been here any time at all!
Squirrelflight: I don't care one bit. Now, you just hand that nice full glass to Ashfur... *mutter, mutter* *starts dragging Brambleclaw towards camp*
Brambleclaw: *wails* Noo, help me, help me! Aaaaarrrrggghhh..... *scream dies away into death-gurgles*
Squirrelflight: What? Whoa, wait a minute. He wasn't supposed to die! *looks to director*
Director: *drags Brambleclaw away and replaces him with Firestar*
-Suddenly, a mysterious figure appears in the doorway. He holds up his hands and stares meaningfully at Squirrelflight-
Ashfur: *whispers* It's the She-cat Whisperer!
The She-cat Whisperer: Whoa. Whoa, girl. Steady on there, Squirrelflight. Let him have another beer! Why don't you just go and have a chat with Leafpool.
Squirrelflight: *looks dazed* *turns to Firestar* I think I'll just go and have a chat with Leafpool.
Firestar: *cheers* Woohoo! I'm finally free of my irritating daughter! YES! Thank you, thank you, kind sir.
She-cat Whisperer: *stares at Firestar* It's a talking cat? Whoa, trippy...
Firestar: *clinks his beer with Ashfur and Crowfeather and cheers* Hooray!
THE END (no, but seriously. YouTube the ad. It's creepy and sexist. I mean... anyone heard of the Horse Whisperer? Or the Dog Whisperer? Sheesh...) mae pob Brenin cenllysg Zaffie! 22:22, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
The Cat-mas Tree!
(Starring: Firestar, Tawnypelt, and Blackstar)
Firestar, Tawnypelt, and Blackstar walk in.
Firestar: Are you tired of getting your kits' a retarded ShadowClan pine tree every Cat-mas?
Tawnypelt: *rolls eyes*
Firestar: Then we have a solution! It's called the Cat-mas Tree!
Blackstar: What is a Cat-mas Tree?
Firestar: I'll show you! *grabs Tawnypelt and makes her stand up on her hind legs and ties them to the ground*
Firestar: Then, you take some Cat-mas lights. *grabs lights out of no where and starts wrapping them around Tawnypelt*
Tawnypelt: Don't touch me with those things, mouse-brain!
Firestar: Then you put a star on top *grabs magical star and ties it onto Tawnypelt's forehead&
Firestar flips a switch, making Tawnpelt glow.
Blackstar: WOW! How do I get one?
Firestar: Just call 1-800-GET-LOST. Again, that is 1-800-GET-LOST
Tawnypelt: Now how in the name of Starclan will I get out of this stuff?
Firestar: Uh......good question....... *runs away*
Blackstar helps Tawnypelt out, then Tawnypelt mauls Firestar.
Jayfeather poofs in magically: Get your Cat-mas tree today!
ELDER SERVANT 3000
Mousefur:Are you tired of having lousy apprentices care for you?
Longtail:YES!!!!!!!! OH STARCLAN YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Mousefur:Then try the elder servant 3000! It picks out your ticks!
(Cat shaped robot picks out Longtail's ticks super fast.)
Mousefur:It feeds you!
Longtail:(To robot) I want rabbit surpise!
Robot:Here you go Longtail. (Holds up Rabbit surprise.)
Mousefur:BEST OF ALL.....IT DOES WHAT EVER YOU TELL IT!
Longtail:Stop that falling tree from hitting me!
(Robot picks up the tree)
Robot:OVERLOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Explodes,tree fall on Longtail,killing him.)
Mousefur:Call 1800-DUMB that's 1800-DUMB We are not responsible for death elders!
The Mouse-Catcher 5000
- Firestar comes on screen*
Firestar: Tired of having to hunt SO much for your lazy mate?
Spiderleg: YES!!!!! YES!!!!!!
Firestar: Then we've got just what you need!
Spiderleg: Is it a Daisy-killer? PLEASE say a Daisy killer!!!!!!
- Daisy walks on screen*
Daisy:*raises eyebrow* ExCUSE me?
Spiderleg: Oh, um, heh heh, what I MEANT was... I love you honey!
Daisy:*walks off stage with skeptical look*
Spiderleg:*wipes sweat from forehead* PHEW, glad that's over. What were you saying?
Firestar: As I was saying..... The Mouse-Catcher 5000 can take care of ALL of your needs!
- cuts to Hawkfrost*
Hawkfrost: With the Mouse-Catcher 5000, I was able to lure Firestar into that fox trap!
- cuts to Leafpool*
Leafpool: With the Mouse-Catcher 5000, I was able to distract the Clan while I had kits with Crowfeather!
- cuts to Hollyleaf*
Hollyleaf: With the Mouse-Catcher 5000, I was able to not starve in the tunnels! Thanks guys!
- cuts back to Firestar*
Firestar: Have these happy customers convinced you? If not, our PRICE will even more! The Mouse-Catcher 5000 can be YOURS for only $29.99! That's $29.99!
Cloudtail:*in creepily deep voice* Plus $299.99 shipping and handling.
Firestar: To get your Mouse-Catcher 5000, call 1-800-IAMUSINGTHISMONEYTOBUYKITTYPETFOOD. That's 1-800-IAMUSINGTHISMONEYTOBUYKITTYPETFOOD! Order YOURS today!
Mousekit:*in really deep voice* Wearenotresponsiblefordeath,greencough,whitecough,injuries,visions,hallucination,poisonedfood,oranythingelse.
Bluestar:Do you miss a cat that is in Starclan?
Firestar:(Crying) Y-Y-Y-YES!!!!! MY SPOTTEDLEAF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bluestar:SHUT UP!!!!! I mean,then buy the Reincarnator 3000! It's simple! Just point it at a starclan cat....then blast!
Firestar:(Points at Spottedleaf and blasts.)
Bluestar:SHUT UP!!! I mean,then point it at a queen and blast. Then wait for nature to take it's course.
Firestar:(Blasts at Daisy)
Daisy:(Staring at a tortieshell kit) AWWWWWWW.....
Firestar:HEY!!!!!! THAT IS SPOTTEDLEAF! (Picks up kit and kisses it) I LOVE YOU! (Kisses more)
Bluestar:(Covering kissing with her paw.) Call 1800-WERESTUPID today! That's 1800-WERESTUPID!
Cloudtail:(Deep voice) We are not responsible for bringing evil cats back from the dead.
Cinderheart:Why is my kit......killing other cats?
Dark brown tabby kit:MUHAHAHAHA!!!!! I AM TIGERKIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Firestar:tired of being tired? to hard to hunt or take care of kits? well not anymore! with the new super energy drink!*hands one to graystripe*
Graystripe:*opens can and drinks it*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IM SO ENERGIZED!!!!!IM GOING TO HUNT!!!!!NO IM GOING TO CLEAN THE WHOLE CLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!*runs around like maniac*NOW IM GOING TO KILL RANDOM CATS!!!!!*sees firestar*
Firestar:why are you looking at me like that?!oh NO don’t come near me!!
Graystripe:*starts mauling firestar*DIE DIE!!!!!!!
Camera man:we are experiencing technical difficulties please stand by.
Graystripe:*suddenly falls asleep*
Firestar in raspy voice:order one now 123 4567 DIE DIE and if you call now you get a specail offer!!!one whole crate of drinks for only 1000000!!!if you call later its 2000 so call now and get the deal!!!
Leafpaw in strange low voice:wearenotresponsibleforsuddenkillingurgesorgettingexiledfromyourclan
twoleg translator 1000
Onestar:tired of getting your mate or best friend stolen by twolegs?
Onestar:well not anymore!!!with the twoleg translator 1000 you can tell the twolegs to stop peacfully!!!it also translates twoleg speak in over 50 languages!!!here is a live demo!!!
Firestar:*walks up to twoleg*get off my territory stupid twoleg!!
Twoleg:huh?what the heck?!?!stupid #@$#@ cat.
Firestar:!!!! How dare you call me that!!!*attacks twoleg*
Twoleg:*attacks firestar*stupid @#$#@%$ cat!!
Onestar:watch your language!now see how peacefully they got rid of the twoleg?*twoleg rips firestars tail off**firestar rips out twoleg hair off head*order now and get a free twoleg to try it on!!!just call 1800@#$#%^%$
(A/N: This is going to be a total fail. xD)
Spottedleaf: Tired of Sandstorm steal--*coughs* I mean, tired of other cats *hacks* stealing your mate?
Ashfur: O_O Yes.
Spottedleaf: Well, with the Competition-Be-Gone, you can zap that competitor out of the running and get that tom--
Cloudtail: *pokes head in* Or she-cat! *disappears*
Spottedleaf: And be competition-free! Let's try it out - Ashfur, want to be our guest-tester.
Ashfur: *grins evilly* Get ready, Brambleclaw...
Spottedleaf: *hands leafblower-type object to Ashfur and raises voice* Now, this won't hurt them--
Ashfur: It won't?
Spottedleaf: *continues* But it will make sure that lovely cat is yours - forever! Brambleclaw, please step forward.
Ashfur: Squirrelflight, here I come! *turns on leafblower*
Ashfur: *struggling* It...won't....work!
Spottedleaf: Let me try it, dear. *takes leafblower-type object* Sandstorm!
Sandstorm: *irritable* What?
Spottedleaf: *slides work goggles onto head and turns on the leafblower*
Sandstorm: *gets sucked into leafblower*
Spottedleaf: There! Call 1-800-SSBGONE today! That's 1-800-SSBGONE.
Ashfur: *fur is ripped and missing one claw - fought with Brambleclaw* And what does that stand for?
Spottedleaf: Uum...not Sandstorm be gone, surely?
Onestar:tired of pesky kittypets?!
Onestar:well then you should get the kittypet catapult!!!!
Blackstar:that’s AWESOME!!!!how does it work?
Onestar:first load the bait!then move to the kittypet area!then aim at another clan!!then wait until you see the kittypets in the catapult!!then cut the cheese*cough* string!!here are customer reviews!!
Sandstorm:this is horrible*cough*great!!
Graystripe:this is the worst*cough*best thing ever!!!it flung me out of stupid thunderclan territory into starclan!!
Mistystar:well since im getting paid to do this,I mean this is AWESOME!!!i am not getting paid to do this!!this is my honest opinion!!this thing was horrible,I mean great!!it launched my best warriors into starclan!!
Onestar:so call now!!!for only 1232342.34!!the number is1800we suck!!
The Ultra Make-a-kit!
(Warning you now, this is going to suck)
Sorreltail: Did your mate stop having kits with you?
Daisy: YES YES!
Sorreltail: Do you want to stuff yourself with fresh-kill, but can't since you have no kits?
Daisy: TELL ME WHAT IT IS ALREADY!!!!!
Sorreltail: Then buy the new Ultra Make-a-Kit!
Daisy: How does it work???
Ferncloud: Yes tell me! 7 kits isn't enough! I need 20!!!!!'
Dustpelt: *walks away awkwardly*
Sorreltail: All you do is jump into this metal thing here. *shoves Daisy in*
Daisy: Wait! What if I die???
Brightheart: Good ridance
Daisy: *pouts* Spiderleg! She's mean!
Spiderleg: Thanks Brightheart
Daisy: *starts whining like a kit*
Sorreltail: Daisy, if you don't shut up, I will kill you.
Daisy: *shuts up*
Sorreltail: anyway.... just throw yourself in and flick this switch! *flick switch and Daisy falls inside the machine*'
Daisy: *screams* I'm gonna die!'
Cloudtail: Make me nachos and I will save you.
Daisy: FINE!!! *makes awful nachos*
Cloudtail: These suck! *walks away*
Sorreltail: DAISY! YOU ARN"T GOING TO DIE!
Sorreltail: Now, once the she-cat is fully insid ethe machine, a secret process forms, and then, BOOM! She has kits!
Daisy: *slides out of the machine with 4 new kits* I name them Softkit, Spikekit, Stripekit, and Stupidkit.
Sorreltail: YOU CAN'T NAME A KIT STUPIDKIT!
Daisy: Lol, yes I can!
Sorreltail: *kills Daisy* Ferncloud, raise the kits
Ferncloud: *picks up the kits*
Sorreltail: No, Like you did with Icecloud and Foxleap!
Ferncloud: Oh *picks up the kits like she did with Icecloud and Foxleap*
Sorreltail: Sigh. If you want one of these, just call 1-800-make-a-kit and get your Ultra Make a kit today!
Cloudtail: HURRY UP NACHOS I WANT TO EAT YOU!
(Onestar walks in)
Onestar: Why so sad?
Cloudtail: My nachos is taking forever!
Onestar: Well that's where I can help! I have here Onestar's Instant Nachos!
Cloudtail: OOOH! :D
Onestar: Tastes just like a real nachos baked in the oven, with no time at all!
Cloudtail: How do I use it?
Onestar: Well, you get one packet of Onestar's Instant Nachos, then you say "UMA NACHOS" 3 times, then stamp your paw, then put it in the microwave for 15 seconds and you're done!
Cloudtail: Let me try!
Cloudtail: UMA NACHOS! UMA NACHOS! UMA NACHOS!
(Cloudtail stamps paw)
(Cloudtail puts the nachos in for 15 seconds)
Cloudtail: The nachos is done!
(Onestar takes the nachos out)
Onestar: See! Exactly like a real oven-baked nachos!
Cloudtail: Can I try some?
Onestar: Go ahead!
(Cloudtail eats the nachos)
Onestar: Did you hear that folks? It's delicioius! Now, for just $4.99 a pack, you can make your OWN! Onestar's instant nachos comes in 4 varieties: Mexican spice, Indian Spice, Mother's Love and Vegetarian, and if you order within the next ten minutes, you get a free CLOUDTAIL!
Onestar: Just call:
1800 918 912
1800 918 912!
The Winning Machine!
Tigerheart: Tired of trying to be a successful evil villain but always being killed off by the Erins?
Tigerstar, Scourge, and Hawkfrost: *sigh* Yes...
Tigerheart: What if you could WIN the battle of good and evil for once?
Scourge: I could rule the forest!
Tigerstar: No, I could rule the forest!
Hawkfrost: I just wanna beat Brambleclaw. That guy gets on my last nerve.
Scourge and Tigerstar: *start squabbling over who will be supreme ruler*
Tigerheart: SHUT UP!
Scourge and Tigerstar: *pee self in suprise* AGHAGAHGA! MOMMY!
Tigerheart: *counts to ten slowly* Then YOU need The Winning Machine! This handy device will help you win every battle with the simple flick of a button!
Mapleshade: *picks up winning machine* Does it work for revenge?
Tigerheart: Well, duh!
Mapleshade: YEAH! *pushes button repeatedly but nothing happens*
Scourge and Tigerstar: *snicker*
Mapleshade: THIS *presses* ISN'T *presses* WORKING! *presses like 25 times in two seconds*
Tigerheart: That's because it's a ripoff--I mean the total package! Not only does it give you complete domination, it gives you revenge, mind-control, and an endless supply of fresh-kill!
Mapleshade: *starts trying to disconnect and reconnect wires* WORK!!!!!!!
Tigerheart: Plus The Winning Machine! comes in THREE sporty colors--blood red, bone white, and bruise purple! Plus, if you order now, you get a free kit freshly stolen!
Random kit: *appears on screen* What the-?
Tigerheart: *reappears* Order your The Winning Machine! today before it's too late! You can call 1.800.EVIL. I repeat, that number is 1.800.EVIL!
Mapleshade: *in background* GAH! STUPID MACHINE!
The Kitty Mixture
(Warning again, this will be stupid)
Onestar: Do you struggle with getting a mate?
Thornclaw: YES! Nobody loves meh! *sad face*
Onestar: Well, buy the new *is suddenly cut off by a screaming Hazeltail*
Hazeltail: DONT EAT THE HOT SAUCE! YOU DIE OF FLAME!!! *dies*
Onestar: ummmm.... yeah buy the new Kitty Mixture!
Snowfur: *pops out of nowhere* OMG WAT IT DO? WANT FOR MEH WHITY!
Whitestorm: Mom, stop embaressing me!
Onestar: *sigh* Can I get back to my comercial now?
Everyone: OMG A TWOLEG! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!
Twoleg: Oh my *walks away, completely unharmed*
Hollyleaf: Y U NO LET ME KILL HIM???
Brighty (thats meh): Holly, I luv you, but your killing things is getting out of hand. Have some matches instead. *throws matches at Hollyleaf*
Hollyleaf: I hate matches
Brighty: *extreme gasp* but Fercloud said you luuuuuuved matches!
Hollyleaf: *sigh* Didn't you watch Big Brother ThunderClan Week 5?
Brighty: Yeah, but I thought you would like them tooo!
Hollyleaf: *attempts to maul Brighty*
Onestar: *cuts off Brighty and Hollyleaf fighting* any-who. Buy the Kitty Mixture, and get an instant mate who will love you forever. And if you decide you hate them, just kill them. They can have kits too!
Onestar: Yep! Now call 1-800-Matches! for your Kitty Mixture! Call now and get 2 for half off! NOW CUT OFF THE FIGHT!
Brighty and Hollyleaf: *stop fighting*
Onestar: Thank you, and goodnight!
That was really stupid. I have a thing for doing stupid I guess. Credit again to Tangle for the matches reference and the mention of his/her fanfic. Brighty... Bluestar and Brightheart 01:13, December 8, 2012 (UTC)
The Fluffy Feet
Cinderheart: Ok, it's leafbare. Your pads are freezing! So what do you do?
Lionblaze: Um... nothing?
Cinderheart: NO! You call 897-345-2747 and order a pair of Fluffy Feet!
Cinderheart: Fluffy Feet are soft slippers that insulate your feet so you can't get that awful leaf-bare snow inbetween your claws!
Lionblaze, Squirrelflight, Crowfeather pop up: Yay!!
Cinderheart: So pick up that phone, call 897-345-2747 and get a warm, cozy, warm, cozy, warm, fluffy pair of FLUFFY FEET!
Breezepelt: But how much will it cost me? *squinty eyes*
Cinderheart: NOT MUCH! Just 56 1,000000000 dollar payments!
Breezepelt: WOW so cheap!!!
Cinderheart: IKR ;)
Lionblaze: Will you be my mate? *drools*
Cinderheart: Only if you buy a pair of FUZZY FEET today! 8D
Pie Flavoured Claws!!!
Hollowflight: Are you tired or normal boring claws?
Lionblaze: All they do is kill stuff. Can claws do anything else?
Hollowflight: They can now! (holds up bag off pies) This shall help!
Hollyleaf: Mmmmmm... PIE! (eats the pie)
Lionblaze: HOLLY! My claws are ruined!!!!
Hollowflight: Actually I picked up the wrong bag. (Holds up package of spices) THIS SHALL HELP BORING CLAWS!
Crookedstar: (jumps through a portal) I WNAT SOME!!!
Hollowflight: (throws him a bag) Hey,,, I thought only Mistystar could use portals!
Mistystar: (jumps through a portal) He paid me 30 rabbits. They mysteriously dissapeared from RiverClan camp.
Hollowflight: Well then... That's interesting.
(Enter Tigerheart Stage Right)
Tigerheart: Hey Hollowflight, aren't you on Big Brother RiverClan right now?
Hollowflight: WEEKEND BREAK! I'm selling mah claws now! Nobody in the house likes them. D:
Mistystar: That stikns. How do your claws work?
Hollowflight: So you take the flavor you want, and pour it on your claws like this! (does so) Now let them dry for 20 minutes, and BOOM They tastle like pie forever! You can change the flavor, just pour this stuff on your claws, (pours stuff) and it takes away the current flavor and your can add more!
Lionblaze: I'll take 10 packets! How much do they cost?
Hollowflight: Only 10 easy payments of $19.95, or 50 rabbits!
Lionblaze: (Throws rabbits and takes the packets)
Hollowflight: Wow. Where did he get these?
Hollyleaf, Lionblaze and Tigerheart simultaneously: WindClan territory.
Onestar: CROWFEATHER, BRREZEPELT, HEATHERTAIL! Since you bother ThunderClan so much, go find where all our rabbits went!
Crowfeather, Breezepelt and Heathertail: YES SIR!
Hollowflight: They come in Cheery cherry, listening lime, lorr lemon, awesome apple, or perfect peach! Or der your today! Just call 1800-Thisisactuallyahugescam That's 1800-Thisisactuallyahugescam
Crowferaher: THERE HE IS!
(Hollowflight is mauled)
Lionblaze: GET IT! ITS COOL!
Da Amazing Cook-A-Fresh-Kill!
*Heathertail walks infront of a crowd*
Heathertail: (In a strange deep voice) Are you tired of eating cold fresh-kill?
Sagewhisker: *appears from a random portal* I am!
Graystripe and Rowanclaw: Meeeeeeeeeee!
Deep-voiced Heathertail: Then get the new Cook-A-Fresh-Kill! *Holds up a tiny microwave*
- Breston Pickles appears with 4 arms, each holding a Cook-A-Fresh-Kill*
Breston Pickles: It comes in Aqua Blue, Grass Green, Firestar Red, and Highlighter Yellow!
Furzepelt and Boulderfur: Get outta here!
- Breston Pickles disapears into thin air*
Deep-voiced Heathertail: Just put your fresh-kill here...
Breezepelt: That's a microwave!
Deep-voiced Heathertail: Breezepelt, I banish you from this commercial! *Holds up a diamond pickaxe*
Breezepelt: Eeeeeeeeeek! *Runs away*
Deep-voiced Heathertail: Only $298.89 plus taxes, handling, and shipping
Foxleap: What are taxes?
Deep-voiced Heathertail: 12 rabbits, 23 mice, and 18 thrushes!
Foxleap: Okey-Dokey! *Goes off in search of fresh-kill*
Firestar and Brambleclaw: We want ours now!
Deep-voiced Heathertail: What? They're not made yet. At least not enough.
Crowd: 0-o *whole crowd gets poker faces*
The End by: Cleverpelt, aka, warriorlover12345. (Sorry, can't do my siggie)
The Vanishing Cat®
Ivypool: Do you ever feel like you're third-wheeling? Taking a back-seat in the conversation whilst your friend and his or her mate cuddle up with sweet talk?
Redpoppy: ...all the time. ¬_¬
Ivypool: Then it's time you got the Vanishing Cat (licensed by Ivypool & Co. :D)!
Redpoppy: And what does this...'Vanishing Cat' do, exactly?
Ashfur: She-cats these days...no more brains than a mouse!
Ivypool & Redpoppy: *growl*
Ivypool: The Vanishing Cat (licensed by Ivypool & Co.) will rid you of your friend-troubles - and your friend's romantic interest! All you have to do is buy the machine, a relatively small device no bigger than a hare, and implant it into your desired victim's next meal.
Redpoppy: But what if he's a rogue? D:
Ivypool: Find a way. Anyways, Dovewing, Tigerheart, you two will be the demonstrators. Now, see this chip?
Redpoppy: *eagerly* Is that the Vanishing Cat? :D
Ivypool: Indeed! Now, Dovewing, Tigerheart, why don't you two go get some food to eat? Oh, Tigerheart, that's pitifully small! Take this mouse! *inserts chip into mouse and pushes it enthusiastically towards Tigerheart* It's perfectly safe! :D
Tigerheart: *snarfs mouse*
Redpoppy: ...now what?
Ivypool: Now we wait! :D
Tigerheart: *blows up*
Redpoppy: Wow! Look at that everybody, it worked!
Ivypool: For a small fee of thirteen mice, the Vanishing Cat can be yours! Order now and we'll throw in an additional Vanishing Cat for a particular enemy you hate. Call 1-800-VNS-HGCT. :D
Ivypool & Redpoppy: Guaranteed to work :D
omg, that was such a fail. -_- I fail at amusement. --23:48, March 18, 2013 (UTC)
Hawkfrost: Are you tired of that your enemies blood is pale when you kill them?
Mapleshade&Tigerstar: *Wide eyes* Yeah! Yeah!
Hawkfrost: Then get the Blood Redifyer! It turns your blood the perfect shade of red!
Mapleshade&Tigerstar: Oo, ah.
Hawkfrost: I will need a test subject.
Crimsonpaw: Meee! Meeeee! Ooo! Pick Meeee!
Hawkfrost: Your blood is plenty red!
Hawkfrost: Do you want me to prove your blood is red?
Crimsonpaw: No, sir. *Is scared*
Hawkfrost: Good. How about you, kind sir?
- Out in audience* Paleblood: *Points to himself* Me?
Hawkfrost: Yes, you. Come on up here!
Hawkfrost: So you just stick the Blood Redifyer under the claws and...
Hawkfrost: just let the Blood Redifyer do it's work.
Paleblood: My blood feels more red already!
Paleblood *Is killed*
Hawkfrost: Just look at that scarlet blood! Get your Blood Redifyer today!
Tigerstar: I'll take 1!
Mapleshade: I'll take 2!
Thistleclaw: I'll take 12!
Hawkfrost: Just call 519-0016-POISON CONTROL! Once again that's 519-0016-POISON CONTROL!
Shredtail: *Really fast* WearenotresponsableforanypoisoningsorspillageofBloodRedifyeronyourselfbutwearetotallyresponsableforanydeaths.
Dark forest B gone
Bramblestar:Are you sick of the Dark forest always killin' cats!
Longtail: Yes they killed mah mousy *Bursts into tears*
Bramblestar: Then call 1-800-800-THIS IS NOT A REAL NUMBER and avenge your mousys death by buying the Dark forest B gone!
<Shows picture of Dark forest B gone>
Clawface: Whats that?
Bramblestar: Why its a Dark forest B gone!
Clawface: Can I try?
Longtail: Sure put your head next to that thing that looks like giant mechanical claws!
Clawface: *Head gets shread to peices*
Snowkit: Order now and avenge a death at 1-800-800-THIS IS NOT A REAL NUMBER I reapeat 1-800-800-THIS IS NOT A REAL NUMBER! -- 22:31, October 28, 2013 (UTC)
Firestar: Do you have horrible, yellow, cavity filled teeth?
Yellowfang: *nods feverently*
Firestar: Then try NEW! DAZZLESHINE CAT TOOTHPASTE! Sure to guarantee you a perfect smile!
Yellowfang: What does this Dazzle stuff do?
Firestar: It does this! *flashes perfect, straight, white teeth* I tried NEW! DAZZLESHINE TOOTHPASTE! for just one week and I ended up with these beauties! *flashes smile again* That's right folks, just ONE WEEK!
Yellowfang: How can I obtain this Dazzleshine toothpaste?
Firestar: Just dial 1800-DAZZLE-RAZZLE to get your toothpaste! I'll say it again, that's 1800-DAZZLE-RAZZLE!
Yellowfang: *picks up phone* I WANT TOOTHPASTE!!!
Firestar: Order within the next five minutes and you will get this NEW! DAZZLESHINE MOUTHWASH! ABSOLUTLEY FREE! That's right folks, ABSOLUTLEY FREE!
Yellowfang: How much does it cost?
Firestar: Only all your catmint and half your prey, or £10,000 in twoleg money! At this bargain price, you can get NEW! DAZZLESHINE TOOTHPASTE! easily! Now here's the science bit!
Deep voiceover: NEW! DAZZLESHINE TOOTHPASTE! blasts plaque, destroys cavities and whitens teeth in just one tube! After a week, you'll have gnashers just like Firestar!
Firestar: So buy NEW! DAZZLESHINE TOOTHPASTE! For that PUURRRFECT smile! *flashes smile again*
Deep voiceover: DazzleshinetoothpasteCo.isnotresponsibleformakingyourteethevenworse
Firestar's pizza delivery
Firestar: *is eating pizza* Oh hi!
Producer: Take two
Firestar: *is eating pizza* Welcome to Firestar's one and only.... Pizza delivery!
Tigerstar: It's so delicous that you will want it so...so...so.... Oh man gimme that pizza Firestar!
Firestar: Gimme gimme never gets, don't you know my manners yet?
Tigerstar: Pizza, Pizza *Goes into zombielike trance*
Firestar: *Eats whole pizza*
Tigerstar: No the horror....
<Tigerstar and Firestar fight>
Leafpool: The bottom line is that our staff are terrible but the food is awesome!
Squirrelflight: You can order it on- Hey who spilled cheeze on my script???
Leafpool: *Slinks away*
Daisy: Watch your language.
Leafpool: Lets randomly break the fight by eating pizza!
03:30, November 26, 2013 (UTC)
Squirrelflight's ear wax remover
Squirrelflight: Ok everyone! Today we're showing you the new ear wax remover made by me! Here we have some test subjects. Longtail, what do you think?
Longtail: What? I used it in one ear and now I can't hear out of it! *shouting* Here let me try the other ear! *uses ear wax remover on the other ear* OH COME ON! I'm ALREADY BLIND! NOW I'M DEAF TOO!
- camera pans over to Squirrelflight*
Squirrelflight: Ok... moving on. What do you think Ashfur?
Ashfur: I'm not talking to you, or using your darn product! You betrayed me!
- Ashfur and Squirrelflight fight*.
Leafpool: Oh come on you two! I'll try your wax thingy!
- tries the ear wax remover, and loses hearing in her right ear*
Leafpool: WHAT KIND OF A SISTER ARE YOU SQUIRRELFLIGHT?! YOU MADE ME DEAF IN ONE EAR!!!
- Leafpool stomps off in anger*
Squirrelflight: Well...that went well... Let's end with ICECREAM!
- everone gets ice cream*
Squirrelflight: Order your ear wax remover today for only $1000000, and we'll send you some free ice cream!
The Epic Water
Firestar: i found this bottle it looks cool
Sandstorm: ur rite!
All Clans: OMG WTF IS DAT
Sand and Fire: ...
Firestar: *spills bottle* opps
Firestar summoned: Epicness Duck
Epicness Duck: hai
*Epicness Duck is overhyping*
*Epicness Duck Exploded
........ (nothing cuz no1 is there)
Moral of the story: dont spill random bottles (aka dont spill anything
Prey Spawner 2000
Greystripe: Do you feel like that you have no prey in Leaf-Bare or don't have enough prey for your kits?
Ferncloud and Bramblestar: YES!
Graystripe: well buy the Prey Spawner 2000! Makes all prey come instantly when this spawner is placed!
Bramblestar: SWEET how much is it?
Graystripe: only $10000000000000 and call 120-456APPLESUCK-1223
Made by ZodiacMeow
The Bring Back To Life Machine!
- Bluestar, Lionblaze, and Firestar walk onto stage*
Bluestar: Tired of the cats you love getting killed? Well, there`s a solution!
Firestar: What is it?
Bluestar: The Bring Back to Life Machine! Just stand over the dead cat and turn it on!
Lionblaze: But where is the 'on' button?
Bluestar: Right here! *presses button* Then, the dead cat comes to life! Watch! *Kills Jayfeather and presses on button*
Bluestar: If you want yours today, it is for the low price of 19.99! Just call 199-Bring-back-to-life! And if you call now, it is only 30.99!
Lionblaze & Firestar: *dilas number*
Squirrelflight: Hey she-cats!
Squirrelflight: Are you tired of boring old yellow claws?
Hollyleaf: DON'T YOU DARE CALL MY CLAWS BORING!!!! (mauls)
Squirrelflight: (chokes out) Security! (dies)
Dawnpelt: Hey she-cats!
Dawnpelt: Are you tired of your-er.. normal claws??
She-cats: Um.. I guess?
Dawnpelt: Well, here's the brand-new-
Tawnypelt: Dawnpelt, you're doing it wrong. You do it like this.
Tawnypelt: BUY THIS NOW!!!! (mauls camera)
Nightcloud: Sigh.Hey, she-cats?
Nightcloud: Wait, why is no one else there with you?
Heathertail: Because the author cannot remember any other she-cats from WindClan and is too lazy to look up more.
Nightcloud: Oh. Well, in that case, lets just skip to the end of the commercial.
Mistystar: Heeeeeeyyyy she-cats!!
Mistystar: Are you tired of-no, let's just skip to the product.
Willowshine: This is claw-polish! Just open the bottle, apply the polish to your claws with the brush, and die from the fumes! Yaaaaayy!
Mothwing: Claw-polish comes in five colors: Fire, Ice, Water, Grass, and Tree! Buy now!
Leopardstar: And for just $100000000000000000 more, we'll improve your offer! If you buy one, it's $9999999999999999999, and for two, it's $1000000000000000000!
Mistystar: We are not responsible for eliminating every she-cat on this planet!
(Camera turns off. We hear a voice saying, "Good job cats!" Then we hear the sound of mauling. A lot.)
Rock: hey everyone, tired of ur dirty fur?
Riverclan: we aint got dirty fur!
Rock: who cares, u get muddy! Anyway heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeres Roxi Clean! It makes ur fur as clean as mine!
Cats of clans: but the screen only shows ur shadow!
Rock: who cares?! Anyway, heres how to use it. U rub this pixie dust in ur fur along with these stars, clouds, and underground stuff and jump in the lake and stay there until u feel like ur gonna drown and the-
Jayfeather: i cant take this anymore * faces camera to Rock*
Cats of clans: * GASP*
Rock: nuu camera guy, nuu!
Jayfeather: he just wants to make u nerdy and ugly like him so that he can be friends with u cuz he doesnt like hansome and dumb cats! For example, ME!!!
Cats of clans: * goes to rock and smashes Roxi Clean*
Firestar: Rock, i hereby award u the trophy of worst commercial ever
Rock: at least i got a trophy to be friends with meh
The Forgetting Machine!
(Hollyleaf and Cinderheart and Firestar walk in)
Firestar: Are you tired of remembering everything?????
Firestar: Great! Use this machine to forget EVERYTHING! Buy now!
Firestar: Let's hear some reviews from satisfied customers!
(Tawnypelt and Dawnfeather walk in)
Tawnypelt: Uh... What's this place?
Dawnfeather: (Has forgotten how to talk)
Firestar: Thank you!
(Dawnfeather and Tawnypelt exit)
Hollyleaf: How much is it?
Firestar: Hmmm.. It's on sale! $9999999999999999.999
Cinderheart&Hollyleaf: OMSC!!!!!!!! (Throws $9999999999999999.999 at Firestar and takes machine)
Firestar: HOORAY!!!! I'M SOOOOO RICH!
Dawn [User:Warriors Rock|t@lk]] 02:08, March 9, 2016 (UTC)
Toms Be Gone!
NOTE: This is not meant to offend any boys.
Tawnypelt: Tired of toms following you around all day?
Tawnypelt: Then, your in luck, because we have the Toms Be Gone! Machine!
Sorreltail: What does it do?
Tawnypelt: Just point it at someone you want gone, and click the fire button!
Blackstar: (Grabs it, aims it at Tawnypelt, and clicks fire.)
(Smoke all around)
Tawnypelt: (Dizzy voice with eyes rolling in circles) I think I'm going to faaint! (Faints)
(Cat Commercial Medicine comes in and takes Tawnypelt)
Toms Be Gone! Take 2
Tawnypelt: Tired of toms following you around!?
Queens: OH STARCLAN YES!
Tawnypelt: Then, your in luck! We have the Toms Be Gone Machine!
Goldenflower: What does it do?
Tawnypelt: Just aim it at a tom...
Blackstar: (secretly has machine ready to fire Tawnypelt)
Tawnypelt: ... And click the fire button! Then, your tom will be gone! At least for a day.
Random Kits: wearenotresponsibleforanyshecatsgettinghitorexplosions
In Background: (Tawnypelt has fallen in the ground and sirens are waling and there is a fire)
(This has been airing all over my network. The song is getting annoying, and so, I decided I'm putting it on here. If you want to YouTube/Google this ad, the original is State Farm. Please note that this will be different from the real commerical. I need to have some imagination.)
(Blackstar and Firestar walk onto stage.)
Blackstar: FIRESTAR, MY ROOMMATE! LOOK AT THIS!
(Sink is overflowing)
Firestar: Great StarClan, no!
Blackstar: Who are you!?
Cloudtail: I am Cloudtail from State-cat! State-Cat can solve your problems!
Firestar: Even stop a battle!?
Blackstar: Show me what you can do!
Cloudtail: (Fixes sink magically, and water all goes down the drain.)
Cloudtail: To have State-Cat by your side, call 1800-State-Cat-is-a-scam today! That's 1800-State-Cat-is-a-scam! If you buy today, you will get it for a special deal of 20000000 dollars for it instead of 1!
Firestar: SO SO CHEAP!
(It cuts to Cloudtail holding a sign and Hazeltail singing: State-Cat is by your side!)
Cloudtail: Get State-Catted today!
(Tawnypelt and Whitestorm walk on stage)
Tawnypelt: Tired of having a boring white pelt?
Tawnypelt: Well, I have a solution! Glossy Pelt!
Snowfur: What does Glossy Pelt do?
Tawnypelt: It colors your pelt!
Snow and White: How?
Tawnypelt: Well, first apply it to your pelt in the color you want, and then, within a month, you will die because Cat Company did a bad job making this!
Cat Company: Hey!
Tawnypelt: Tired of your boring old white pelts?
White Cats: Yeah!
Tawnypelt: Well, I have a solution! Glossy Pelt!
White Cats: How do you use it?
Tawnypelt: First, simply apply it to your pelt!
Whitestorm: (Applies it)
Tawnypelt: Then, wait at least 2 minutes for the color to show up!
(camera pauses, then 2 minutes later...)
Whitestorm: (Glossy pelt shows up)
Tawnypelt: Then, enjoy your new pelt that cats will be jealous of! Lets hear some satisfied customer reviews!
Cloudtail: MY GLOSSY PELT IS AMAZING! YOU. HAVE. TO. BUY. THIS! IF YOU DON'T WE WILL MAUL YOU! (Shows off glossy pelt)
Whitestorm: Glossy pelt shows of my true style! Buy yours today!
Tawnypelt: The colors it comes in are: Sky Blue, Grape Purple, Dust Brown, Fiery Red, Sand Yellow, Sun Yellow, and Storm Gray!
Whitestorm: This can also cover your white splotches!
Tawnypelt: Yeah! Just apply them to your splotches, and wait two minutes!
Brightheart: It covered up my spots amazingly!
Tawnypelt: Glossy Pelt is available at select Walcat and TarClan (Target) Stores! If you want to order, you can order them on www.MyGlossyPelt.com, www.Catazon.com, and if you like a challenge, bid for them on www.Ecat.com!
Tawnypelt: Call 1800-Glossy-Pelt-doesn't-work to get yours!
Mary sue PSA
Tallstar : Hello , I am Tallstar of Windclan. I am sorry to say that there are fan created cats that have issues. Here is an example.
-Gleamstar randomly appears-
Gleamstar : JEBUS IS THE RULER OF ALL!
Tallstar : This , is Gleamstar , born as Starkit. Her mother is a Shadowclan cat named Dawnsparkle and her father is Jayfeather
-Jayfeather slides in-
Jayfeather : What in the name of Starclan is that thing?
Tallstar : As you can see , Gleamstar has three major mary sue alerts. Purple fur is number one , it is an unnatural fur color. Then , she has rainbow eyes that can change to amber on will. Lastly , she has a direct relation to a cannon character. It is somewhat okay to be a long-lined decendant. Take this for example , a cat's mother's father's mother is Hollytuft. Our good example is Icefang of Windclan
-Icefang suddenly appears-
Icefang: How did I?
Tallstar : This is Icefang , as you can see , she has a grey-blue color , and a white underbelly. This is a natural coloring that can happen to cats. She has blue eyes, this is a color that can happen to a normal cat. Now , who are your parents Icefang?
Icefang : My mother , Panthertail , never told me who my father was , but she had her rights.
Tallstar : Had? She shes gone now?
Icefang : Yes , she was killed by a cat who's name I can not mention , as it may spoil it for the story Icefang's dreams
(Shameless self advertising lol)
Tallstar : Interesting
-Icefang and Tallstar turn to the screen while Jayfeather starts running away from Gleamstar-
Tallstar : Please , dontate now so we can get rid of the Mary sues
-Gleamstar disappears and Jayfeather sighs in relief-
Icefang : Please call 1800-Windclan-cares
Tallstar and Icefang : Payed for the anti Mary sue foundation of Windclan
Feathertail: Tired of having to catch fresh-kill and hunt for yourself everyday?
Stormfur: Yes! SISTER GIMME
Feathertail: No! Stormfur, this is a commercial behave!
Feathertail: Tired of having to hunt for yourself everyday, or starve in leaf-bare?
Feathertail: Your life's biggest problem is solved! There is new Fast-Food, where you just buy it at Cat-Donalds'!
Silverstream: How do I get there?
Feathertail: Just go to the river, take a left, then a right, straight ahead, and your there!
Feathertail: You can also order from camp!
Feathertail: In order for us to take your orders from camp, you must call 1800-I-Will-Not-Give-You-This, and tell us what you want! If you are in another Clan, you must allow us to cross your borders to give you the food.
Silverstream: Anything else?
Feathertail: If you order a meal, store or home, in the next hour, you get a free kit-toy for the Clans' kits!
Silverstream: LE GASP!
Feathertail: If you want yours now, dial 1800-We-Will-Not-Give-You-This, that's 1800-We-Will-Not-Give-You-This! Remember, get a free kit-toy!
Silverstream: *dials number*
Stonefur: *in deep voice* Wearenotresponsibleforyourmealnotcomingtoyourclanoryoubeingkilledwheneating *in background Blackstar and Feathertail are fighting and Feathertail faints*
Firestar: Bored of bland old snacks?
Sandstorm: Not really, squirrel actually tastes pretty good.
Firestar: Well, say goodbye to tasteless old squirrel because Goldfish crackers are here!
Firestar: It's very healthy for you, with a sodium level of 230 milligrams per 55 tiny pieces!
Sandstorm: Isn't that unhealthy?
Firestar: Check out the story of this satisfied customer!
*screen shows a video of Yellowfang*
Yellowfang: Goldfish crackers are amazing! They've helped my son Brokenstar so, so much and even gave him that kink in his tail!
Brokenstar: Wait, what? You're my mom? And that's why my tail's bent? AARGH I NEED TO RELEASE THAT ANGER WITH SOME DEATH!!!!!!
Yellowfang: Oh, wait, news update. My son is killing everybody, including innocent kits! Firestar, do Goldfish crackers offer the solution?
Firestar: Yes, they do! For the low price of your soul, you can order one of our new line of Goldfish crackers ranging from water hemlock to deathberry flavors!
Sandstorm: WHAT?? Why am I your mate again?
Yellowfang: *wide eyes* OMSC! Take my soul, I need that! What number do I call?
Graystripe: You can call 1-800-STARCLAN-SUCKZ. That is 1-800-STARCLAN-SUCKZ. Or you can go to starclansuckz.com/goldfishcrackers.
Firestar: *holding up a bag of Goldfish* Re-smack that smile's back- Goldfish.
Princess: Rusty, you idiot, the slogan is "The snack that smiles back", not "Re-smack that smile's back".
*camera is thrown to the ground. the only sounds are screeching, yowling, and hissing as Princess is mauled by Firestar and forced to eat hemlock flavored Goldfish*
*commercial ends with a winking Goldfish character*
The Kit Thingy-Thing 3000
(Brightheart walks in wearing a pink sparkly dress and high heels)
Cloudtail: OMSC Brighttail you look hot
Brightheart: Get out of here Cloudtail! (kicks Cloudtail in face) Are you cats tired of not having enough kits in your clans?
Bramblestar, Rowanstar, Onestar, and Mistystar: No.
Brightheart: Leafstar, get in here.
(Leafstar walks in)
Everyone but Brightheart and Bramblestar: Who are you?
Brightheart: Leafstar, answer the question.
(Brightheart yowls in rage and eats everyone)
Brightheart: Sorry about that. You need the Kit Thingy-Thing 3000!
(Cloudtail lugs machine onto stage)
Brightheart: When you press this red button, kits appear!
(Brightheart presses button and three kits pop out)
Brightheart: Press the green button and names and generated!
(Brightheart presses button and names get generated: Jinglekit, Janglekit, and Pantskit)
Bolt78625: (giggles) Name Changer Machine reference!
Brightheart: And press the blue button to give them milk.
(Milk bottles pop out and the kits drink from them)
Brightheart: Order it today for only $1,000,000,000! And call in the next five seconds to get it free! Heh, heh, too-
Random Rouge Cat: Hello Brightheart. I was wondering if I could borrow some toilet pap-
Brightheart: (sigh) You've won a free Kit Thingy-Thing 3000!
Brightheart: Thank you, good night. (hangs up) So anyways, call this number to get your Kit Thingy-Thing 3000 for only $1,000,000,000: 1-800-KIT-SUCK! That's 1-800-KIT-SUCK! Bye!
Leafpool: *devouring a starling* "Oh, hey!"
Producer (Cinderpelt): Come on!! Take 500!
A c t i o n
Leafpool: "Hey, you! Yeah, you! Have too many things to do? Too many places to be? Not enough time for yourself?"
Brambleclaw: "Yes! How did you know?"
Leafpool: "Then you need Screwitol! The first ever herb you can take to help you to just Screwitol!"
Ashfur: "I'll take 20!"
Leafpool: "Made by me and Cinderpelt, it's sure to be the best around! Just remember, when stressed, just Screwitol!"
Leafpool: "And right now, you can get it for only 400,000 starlings! That's right, only 400,000 starlings! Yep, you heard me, 400,000 starlings!"
Firestar: "What a good price!"
Leafpool: "Call 1-800-333-9845, 1-800-333-9845, remember, 1-800-333-9845. Call now to get a free leaf!"
ThunderClan: "Just Screwitol!"
Original idea from Screwitol. (Really really fast)- We are not responsible for whitecough, greencough, poisonings, stroke, convulsions, vomiting, diarrhea, bleeding from all places, shortness of breath, cancer or death.
Copyright, July 5th, 2016.
You made friends with a rouge cat named BRAD, who gave you rogue insurance
YOU LOVED BRAD!
2 almost-murdered-clans-with-cat-insurance, 3 boring clan jobs but
Your like, NOTHING CAN REPLACE BRAD! :)
And then you totalled him, (More like murdered him cough cough*). :|
AND then, StarClan insurance calls
And you break into your happy dance.
Honeyfern: (falls down)Ahh! I've just been bit by a snake! HELP! And it hurts so badly!
Leafpool: Oh no, i can't help her, what should i do?
Bluestar: (Moonwalks in from outta knowwhere) (begins dancing)Then you need YAYAS!
Bluestar: painless YAYAS are little gels that get rid of pain and helps people when they are dying!
Leafpool: ok, give me some-
Bluestar: (Pulls from Leafpool) But wait theres more! Come buy the all new painless lotion and be like Lionblaze! Only $9.99-
Bluestar: Welp, she could still order it in StarClan.
(Leafpool stares horrified in background)
Bluestar: (Dances in front of screen) Order now for $9.99 and get the second one free! Don't wait, call 8!
Tigerstar: (Tackles Bluestar) Give Me SOME!!
Darkstripe: Hey, what if i fall and can't get up.
Tigerstar: Then you stay there, your not getting my YAYAS!!! (Puts YAYAS)(Side effect kills him)
Side effects may include, dying, dying, dying some more, greencough, killing spree, eats-a-lot, dizzyness, too much going-to-medicine-cat trips, sneezing, couging, addictiveness to deathberries, (IDK WHY), shaking, falling feelings, canablism, attacking people outta books &more
(This is going to be rlly stupid but I don't care)
*cheerful music plays *
Leafpool: *holds up a box containing heart-shaped cookies * Kitten Snax! The yummiest snack for kits everywhere!
Bramblestar: Made of healthy, organic products like poison, deathberries, and nuclear shrapnel!
Leafpool: Plus, it has 3,000,000 grams of sugar per serving for that healthy, sweet taste you love!
*camera turns to Mosskit, Mistykit, and Stonekit *
Mosskit: Yummy! *eats a Kitten Snax *
Bramblestar: Buy them today! Call 1-800-THISWILLKILLYOU. That's 1-800-THISWILLKILLYOU.
Leafpool: If you call now, get a second box FREE for only $1,999,999!
Stonepaw: *pops up with ten eyeballs on his head* Buy now!
(I'm really sorry if you like Dovewing or any other characters in this fanfic. I just needed some Mary Sues and Gary Stus to use in the commercial. I love them all too, don't worry ;) )
Ivypool: Are you tired of-
Crowfeather: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TIRED OF? I'M TIRED OF ALL THESE COMMERCIALS STARTING WITH "ARE YOU TIRED OF"!!! I'M NOT TIRED! I GOT 18 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT!
Ivypool: Are you exuasted, fatigued, worn out, and weary of Mary Sues dominating book series and stealing your thunder? Do you feel like you have the short end of the stick?
Ivypool: Well, now you don't have to! *pulls up curtain revealing a complex-looking machine behind* This is the MarySueKiller5000!
Ivypool: With this facinating piece of machinery, you can kill off all the beloved characters of Warriors and make your own story! May I demonstrate?
Ivypool: *yells* DOVEWING!
Dovewing: Hi, sis! What is that thing?
Ivypool: Uh.... it's a COOKIE MAKER! Yeah, a cookie maker! Can I show you how it works?
Ivypool: *presses button and a laser comes out the top* So, you point the laser towards a cat...
Dovewing: I can already taste freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies!
Ivypool: And then you press the green button! *presses green button*
*laser beam shoots out of the laser and hits Dovewing, who decentigrates*
Ivypool: Buy now for only $19.99!! Just call 1-800-IKILLEDMYSISTER. That's 1-800-IKILLEDMYSISTER. And if you call now, you'll get a limited-time GaryStuKiller5000 for FREE!
Icepool: I want to kill Firestar so that ThunderClan has a leader who cares about all cats, not just Mary Sues and Gary Stus!
Ferncloud: I want to kill myself so that I can be reincardinated into a real warrior, not a stereotypical queen!
Silverstream: I want to kill Graystripe for magically finding the Clan after being seperated by miles and miles and randomly succeeding in an impossible journey! (Also to get revenge on Millie >:D)
Ivypool: Wearenotresponsibleforsuddendeathofbelovedwarriorscharactersintheseries,accidentalexplosions,or vengefulwarriorsinyourClan. Thankyou.
Ashfur: No fair! You get a second chance and I don't!
Cinderpelt: Well, I have something that may help you: the Secondlife2000!
Ashfur: You mean the Second Life 2000?
Cinderpelt: No, I meant Secondlife2000! You just point the device at yourself. Shoot it...And boom! You'll reappear as a kit in your Clan!
Ashfur: Can I try?
*Ashfur shoots himself*
Brambleclaw: They are beautiful!
Birchfall: This one's Dovekit, that's Ivykit.
Whitewing: And that's Ashkit!
Cinderpelt: Let's look at the other triers. Bluestar--Oh, she's Bluefall now. Spottedleaf's--FIRESTAR GET OUT OF WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's Spottedpaw. Mosskit's Mosswing. Honeyfern's--BERRYNOSE GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH! FIRST FIRESTAR, THEN BERRYNOSE! Ugh! Honeyfern's Honeyfur. Um, Larchkit is now Larchcloud...
Cinderpelt: Anywhoo, get the Secondlife2000! Works on Twolegs too! Call 1800-FORGETYOURLIFEINSTARCLAN! Again, that's 1800-FORGETYOURLIFEINSTARCLAN. Buy now to get a free Ashfur!
Cinderpelt: I mean, buy now to get a free doughnut! Sorry, Ashfur--I mean, Ashkit!
Cloudtail: Buy MeowMedicine now! The only cure for Meowcitis! What is Meowcitis? It's an extremely rare virus that will cause you to meow uncontrollably! Take a look!
Cat:Meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow Cloudtail:Nooooooo not this again! (relives horrrible memories of The Warrior Show) GET HIM OUT NOW!
Cloudtail:Anyways! Get MeowMedicine!
The fox /Badger remover 6000
Firestar: Are you tried of-
Crowfeather:No I'm not tried I slept for 15 days straight so I can't be tried I'm compleatly fine
Firestar :Are you bored of foxes and badger entering your territory?
Lionblaze:Nope Grandpa I'm compleatly fine I can kill them with one blow
Firestar: Your soupposed to say Yes
Lionblaze: Wait this is a commercial???!!!!
Lionblaze:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(RUN S AWAY SCREAMING)
Firestar: Are you bored of-You know what?I'm too old for this.(Walks away)
Willowpelt: Are you bored of having to deal with foxes and Badger in your territory
Dustpelt,firestar and almost every clan warrior other that Lionblaze:Yesssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Willowpelt :Well you need the Fox/badger remover 600
Dustpelt,firestar and almost every clan warrior other that Lionblaze: How does it work
Willowpelt: It simple all you have to do is stuff a fox into this machine(Pionts at a box)Just grab the fox(Grabs Flareon )and stuff into the box(Stuufs flareon into box)
Flareon:How many times do I have to say this I'M NOT A FOX!!!!!!!! (Yes I'm Flareon)
Willowpelt:Then you push this utton(Pushes red button) And presto
In thunderclan camp
Flareon:(Evil laugh and breaths fire over the camp.)
Willowpelt:Buy your Fox/Badger remover 600 today for just 200000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000083876583257948567598260501734754756487576498564508436y14064376154165498768722222222222222397349867546897360923842390-00000989865687747578686970589353846477477777833i3 mice plus shipping and handleling.
Just call this number I'm-not-a-fox.TRhats right I'm-not-a-fox.Call today
Willowpelt :So call today!
Cloudtail:lalalalala I luv nachos-WHAT? IT STARTED?!
CloudtailRox:Are you tired-
CrowfeatherHOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS, I'M. NOT. TIRED!
Cloudtail:Are you sick-
Crowfeather:Oh my StarClan! No cat is SICK!
(cat randomly dies of Greencough)
Crowfeather:Almost no cat is sick!
(a bunch of cats die from Greencough)
Crowfeather:I'm not sick!(dies from greencough)
Crowfeather(from StarClan):FINE I GIVE UP
Cloudtail:Are you sick and tired of being carried away by hawks and eagles?
Snowkit, Swoop, and Bright Stream:Yes!
Cloudtail:Snowkit, how could you hear me?
Cloudtail:What? Oh whatever. You need the Bird-B-Gone 2000! Just spray yourself with it and birds will leave you alone!
Twoleg:Buy it now for only 1000000000000000000000000000 squirrels! Call 1-800-I-Hate-Hawks, yes, 1-800-I-Hate-Hawks. Call in the next 20 minutes and get free nachos!
Cloudtail:WHAT? NO! MY NACHOS!
Twoleg:Cloudtail, you signed a contract saying you wouldn't steal the nachos!
Cloudtail:I did? Oh yeah... well (takes contract and rips it up)HA SO THERE!
Twoleg:Uh, that contract also had your right to be in this commercial.
Cloudtail:nonononononono make a new one pllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I wont take the nachos again I promise!
Twoleg:Fine. Once the commercial is over.
Cloudtail:Ok! *ahem* Wearenotresponsibleforanysortofillnessfromthisproductincludingwhitecoughgreencoughredcoughcancerheartdiseaseordeathnorareweresponsibleforasuddenurgetoeatnachosdonotinhalethisproductasitcanpotientallycauseseverelungcanceorpneumoniaanddonoteatthecontainerasitmaylooklikeabirdbutnottastelikeoneanditcancausechokingandeath. Buy it today!
The Best Thing Ever!
Cloudtail: Are you tired of working so hard to do everything? Tired of getting sick and injured all the time? Tired of seeing cats you love perish every book? Tired of having to hunt, fight battles, etc.?
Cloudtail:Aww, well thats too bad, because nothing like that exists! Goodbye!
Stange Voice: We are currently experiencing techical difficulties. Please stand by.
(20 minutes later)
Cloudtail: Ok-huff, the problem has been-puff, sorted out.
Another cat:My eyes!
Cloudtail:Ok you know what bye.
The Matemaker 4000
Honeyfern: Do you really want a mate but that cat you're crushing on is already taken?
Cinderpelt and Spottedleaf: *Walks away*
Tawnypelt: Do you want a mate that is already taken?
Nightcloud: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!
Ashfoot: Do you--
Nightcloud: Breezepelt is missing!
Mistystar: Do you have a crush on a cat but he or she's already taken?
Mothwing: There you are! I was looking for you!
Leafpool: Do you want to be mates with a cat but is from a different Clan?
Leafpool: *relieved* Well, what you need is a Matemaker 4000!
Dovewing: How do you use it?
Leafpool: Point the machine at your wanted mate and push "OK."
Dovewing: *Points machine at Tigerheart*
Leafpool: Everyone from both Clans won't care, and act like everything's normal even though the cats know that you are mates.
Tigerheart: *Comes running at Dovewing* I love you!
(This is the warriors version of Honda)
Feathertail: Tired of it taking forever for you to get somewhere?
Feathertail: Well, there is a solution! The Conda! (Shows shining brand new Twoleg Monster)
Brambleclaw: BUT... THAT'S A TWOLEG MONSTER!
Feathertail: I know. But it is designed for cats! No more walking, and no more Clanmates getting hit!
Brambleclaw: How do I use it?
Feathertail: Just open one of the doors and sit in the seat! Take hold of the wheel and steer it where ever you want to go!
Brambleclaw: But that would make it unsafe for kits if the just hopped in a steered the wheel.
Feathertail: We have something that only YOU will have that turns it on! Keys! Just put them in the hole, and twist, and walla! On!
Brambleclaw: WHOA! How much is it?
Feathertail: If you want shiny new, it is 20 dollars! For rusty old, it is 10 Million!
Brambleclaw: I want shiny new but that would be so expensive! And rusty is so cheap...
Feathertail: Then get Rusty! (Shoves it in his face)
Brambleclaw: EW! NOT THAT DISGUSTING THING! (Snatches keys for Feathertail's and drives away)
Feathertail: Get your Conda today at Conda Store! If you call now, we will ship it to you for only 100 Million Dollars!
In Background: WHOA SO CHEAP!
Feathertail: Conda also offers you a deal you can't turn down: A lifetime supply of mice for just 1 Million dollars if you call right before this ends!
In Background: (Sing-songy) We love Conda!
Tawnypelt: Taking a vacation?
Tawnypelt: And do you need somewhere to stay while you are here?
Frostfur: Of course!
Tawnypelt: Well, stay at the Cat Condo. Available everywhere popular. You can get a room for 2000 dollars, or be stranded and have nowhere to go!
Frostfur: Oh so cheap!
Tawnypelt: To get a room, call 1800-The-Rooms-Are-Bad! That's 1800-The-Rooms-Are-Bad!
In Background: THIS ROOM HAS NO TOILET!? (wets fur)
Heathertail: Whoo! Is it hot in here!
Crowfeather: It's purrfectly fine!
Heathertail: I wasn't talking to you!
Hollyleaf: Isn't it hot, Lionblaze?
Jayfeather: Then you need--
Hollyleaf: We don't want herbs.
Lionblaze: Ahem. This is a commercial, remember?
Hollyleaf: IT STARTED?!?!?!
Gorsetail: It's REALLY hot! Now I see why ThunderClan and ShadowClan live under trees!
Harespring: Well, you don't need trees, you need the Cat Airditioner!
Gorsetail: Isn't it called Air Catiditioner or something?
Harespring: Nope! It's the Cat Airditioner. Set it by the den, and turn it on. Voila!
Gorsetail: I'm SO refreshed!
Crowfeather: Chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken!!!!!!!!!!
Harespring: He might be under that chicken spell. That commercial is coming soon!
Gorsetail: Nope. It's coming catairsoon!
Harespring: Get your Cat Airditioner NOW! Call 1800-STOP-SAYING-CHICKEN. 1800-STOP-SAYING-CHICKEN. Get one within the next 10 minutes to get a free chicken!
Crowfeather: Chicken chicken chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Chicken Spell
The Chicken Spell-Normal
Crowfeather: Chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken!!!!
Harespring: Ugh! You already ruined the Cat Airditioner commercial!
Gorsetail: Uh...the Chicken Spell commercial's starting so he's supposed to do that.
Harespring: But we--Chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken!!!!!!!!!!
Gorsetail: Oops. Guess that was the chicken spell. Okay. You put three mice into a bottle of water. Put nachos on top of the bottle. Count to 10. Then put a dock leaf in it. Count to 10 again. Then pour it onto a cat. Be careful not to spill it on your--Chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken!!!!!
Ashfoot: Uh...Kestrelflight! I think Crowfeather, Gorsetail, and Harespring are under the Chicken Spell!
The Chicken Spell-Reversed
Kestrelflight: If you want to stop the cats from saying chicken, then do what you did to make the Chicken Spell. But don't pour it. Then, do that twice. Not just once. Twice. Call 1800-CHICKENS-ARE-AWESOME to get the ingredients free. Just remember, don't pour it on yourself!
Crowfeather: What just happened? Wait. WHAT?!?!?! I will never say chicken EVER AGAIN!!!!!
Gorsetail, Harespring: Me too!
Kestrelflight: Chicken chicken chicken!!!!
Crowfeather, Gorsetail, Harespring: UGH!!!!!!!!
Gorsetail: Harespring and Crowfeather, make the reverse spell. Anyway, the number is 1800-CHICKENS-ARE-AWESOME.
Jayfeather:(appears outta nowhere)Works on Twolegs too!
Flareon:Are you tried-
Flareon:Didn't you give up?
Flareon:Are you sick of
Jayfeather:No!!!no ones sick!!(Stuufs Flareon's muth with herbs)
Flareon:Are you desprate to-
Rusty's housefolk (Run towards Flareon):OH THANK YOU UMMMM.FOX-THINY
Flareon:I'M NOT A-
Rusty's housefolk:We've been so worried since rusty disapeared in 2003.Just thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.
Flareon:I'm not sell-
Rusty's housefolk:(Start to hug and squeeze Flareon)
Flareon:(fAINT WHISPER) security....
Flareon:Do you want revenge on someone but you can't get it
Flareon:Well,you need the revengifier!!!(pulls out a strange laser gun)
Darkforest,Ashfur,Nightcloud,Spootedleafand others: How does it work?
Flareon:Easy all you have to do is load a revenge crystal with revengefull feelings.(Grabs a large crystal balls and screams to it)Then you load it into the revengifier gun and you piont at your victum while screaming you reasons for revenge like this(Loads crystal ball into gun and pionts at Umbreon and screams) THIS IS FOR SMASHING MY IPOD!!!!!!!!
Umbreon(Whips out her revengifier gun and screams)THIS IS FOR BURNING MY DDR MAT(Shoots gun)
Lasers colied and the set explodes.
Flareon: (Form Somewhere in the rubble) Call this numbre 1800-I-burned-my-sister's-ddr-mat.
Umbreon:(Form somewhere in the rubble)And if you call in the next 3 second you recive a set of 12 revenge grenades!Call today
Tigerstar when he was Tigerclaw: Want to be leader?
Hundreds of Cats: YES!!!
Tigerclaw: Then you need the Leader-a-tron 3000! Just point it at your leader and they'll die within 48 hours! Look, it really works!
*video plays of the scene in Forest of Secrets where Tigerclaw fighting Bluestar and killing her*
Tigerclaw (now Tigerstar): See? All I did was use it on Bluestar 48 hours before the --
*Firestar when he was Fireheart comes running in*
Fireheart: Woah woah woah! That's not what happens!
*Fireheart starts yowling to the stage director*
Fireheart: Who put the edited video in the projector?
Lokilog (from off screen): Sorry!
*video plays of Tigerclaw aiming a Leader-a-tron 3000 at Nightstar*
Fireheart: That's more like it...
Tigerstar as Leader of ShadowClan: See? it works!
Mapleshade: Why couldn't you have invented this earlier?!? My life would have been so much better!
*Mapleshade tackles Fireheart*
*Lokilog jumps out onto the stage*
Lokilog: HEY! I invented it, not him! And stop attacking my second favorite character!
*Mapleshade stops attacking Fireheart and stares at Lokilog*
Mapleshade: Who's your favorite character?
Lokilog: Um... Spottedleaf.
*Mapleshade starts chasing Lokilog around the stage*
Lokilog: WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME?!?!?
Mapleshade: *cough cough* SPOTTEDLEAF *cough cough*
Lokilog: WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST HER?
Mapleshade: READ THE LAST HOPE, MOUSE-BRAIN!!!
*Commercial switches off and the actual TV show turns on*
Dark Forest is ALIVE!!! 10,000
Tigerstar: Are you sick--
Darkstripe: I am not sick!
Brokenstar: Are you tired--
Mapleshade: I'm not tired!
Snowtuft: Tigerstar and Brokenstar, it's done this way: Do you want to stay alive to have revenge against the Clan cats?
Dark Forest warriors: YEAH!!!!
Shredtail: Then you need the Dark Forest is ALIVE!!! 10,000!
Hawkfrost: How does it work?
Snowtuft: Put it in your paw and say "I wish to become alive."
Tigerstar, Darkstripe: I wish to become alive.
Tigerstar: Hey! It was my turn!
Darkstripe: Was not!
Mapleshade: *steals machine* I wish to become alive.
Tigerstar, Darkstripe: Hey! Give it!
Mapleshade reappears in ThunderClan and kills Graystripe*
Dark Forest warriors: *fights for machine*
Tigerstar: I wish to become alive.
Tigerstar reappears and take a life from Firestar*
Shredtail: Buy your Dark Forest is ALIVE!!! 10,000 now by calling 1800-REVENGE-IS-BLOOD. 1800-REVENGE-IS-BLOOD. Buy now to get a free...um...
Snowtuft: A FREE--
Tigerstar: *from ThunderClan* A FREE FIRESTAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloudtail: Who are you? Oh, I know! You're Hollyleaf's pretend sister!
Hollywhisker: Uh...no. I'm not. Anyway, look up at the sky.
ThunderClan looks up at the sky*
Hollywhisker: See how boring it is?
Hollywhisker: Then you need the Cloudcat. The device will be embodied in your tail. Just use it to point at anything and the item will reappear in the sky!
Jayfeather: Whoa. Let me try! *points at Squirrelflight*
Brambleclaw: What the--
Jayfeather: Sorry. Thought that was Leafpool.
Leafpool: Excuse me?
Hollywhisker: Squirrelflight has Leafpool's scent!
Cinderheart: She used the Scent Changer!
Squirrelflight: Sorry. Thought this was the Scent Changer commercial already.
The cat copier
Flareon:Are you desprate to find your long los-(Jayfeather comes up and shoves Flareon aside)
Jayfeather:Tried of having to hunt,patrol,fight,spend time with your frist mate,your third mate,your kits,and in overall everything else?
Jayfeather:(Puzzled)Why aren't you screaming yes?
Random cute tabby :Becuase the last time it was a joke!
Jayfeather:well this time it-
Flareon(Angrey)Didn't I crisp you in my last comercial?
Jayfeather:Yes you did but it was a clone and now heres my fabulous invention!(Pionts at Flareon)
Flareon:I'm sure that I'm not your inventcion.
Jayfeather:(looks embaressed and pionts to an old banged up copier macchine.)
Jayfeather:I present you the Cat copier!All you have to do is lay down on the copier.(Lays down)And ress start(Presses start)
Cat Copier:(copies jayfeather)
Paper with copied Jayfeather starts to wiggle and a jayfeather comes out
Flareon:This looks familiar....
Dipper Pines;(Comes form out of no where)Hey your stealing ideas form Gravity Falls!
Jayfeather:This is not a crossover
Dipper Pines:Then why is there a Pokemon in the comercial?
Jayfeather:I don't know
Flareon:Whatever I want to start the other comercial
Jayfeather Order this numbre 1800-YES-WE-STEAL-IDEAS-FORM-GRAVITY-FALLS and get a free Dipper Pines
Flareon:(In a SUPER fast vioce)WearenotresponsibleforyourclonesturningagainstyouandyoudyinggettinglockedinaclosetlossingyourcrushtosomeidiotandfordisneycomingtoyourhousetotaketheirecaractherbacktotheireshowwearealsonotresponsiblefordeathdeathdeathdeathdeathandIalmostforgotdeath.
The kittypet locatorinatorizer.
Flareon:Are you desprate to find your long lost kittypet
Flareon:I present you with the kittypet Locatorinatorizer!!!!!!!(Pionts at a tracking device)All you have to do is insert the fur of your long lost pet and press start.Then you will teleport to your cat's locacion
Rusty's housefolk:(Insert rusty's fur into machine and press start)(They teleport to the Thinderclan camp)
Thunderclan:(Cats scream and run away)
Flareon:So call this number 1800-KITTYFINDER before it's to late!!!!!!
100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000005803683465849692874986748901346509874725-48675436-0943528547085673409678484494030338934 Phones start ringing
Flareon:Oh wait,I'ts too lte.SUCKERS!!!!(Crackles like a witch)
Phones stop ringing
The Scent Changer
Hollyleaf: Tired of--
Crowfeather: STOP ASKING IF I'M TIRED!!!
Hollywhisker: Whoa whoa whoa. Calm down. This is a commercial. What she means is that do you not like other Clans recognizing you spying even though your scent in disguised?
WindClan and ThunderClan cats: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hollyleaf: EXCUSE me? I was supposed to be the reporter here!
Hollywhisker: Sorry. Don't kill me.
Hollyleaf: What do you think I'm gonna do? Give you deathberries? Anyway, get the scent changer!
Leafpool: Well, get this--
Crowfeather: Why would we even listen to you?
Squirrelflight: *opens mouth to say something*
Nightcloud: Or you?
Brackenfur: Just forget it! Point at any rival Clan cat and push down "Change". Then you will be given the scent of that cat!
Heathertail: But wouldn't the rival Clans think there's something wrong since there's TWO cats with the same scent? Shouldn't there be a "Scent Switcher"?
Cloudtail: We couldn't afford it since we were low on money.
Sedgewhisker: What's money?
Purdy: Kittypet talk. We just couldn't afford it. Don't mind the money part.
Hollyleaf: Get your Scent Changer now!
Hollywhisker: Call 1800-TWO-CATS-WITH-THE-SAME-SCENT! Buy now and what do you get?
WindClan and ThunderClan cats: A FREE--
Heathertail: A free Lionblaze!
WindClan and ThunderClan cats except Heathertail: WHAT?!?!?!
Cloudtail: Are you tired-
Cloudtail: OH MY-
Cloudtail: Are you sick and tired of-
Cat who was tricked last time: OH STARCLAN NO!
Strange Voice: We are currently experiencing techical difficulties, please st-
Cloudtail: OW! MY LEG!
Strange Voice: Shut up!
Brightheart: Are you sick and tired-
Cloudtail: BRIGHTHEART! You're supposed to take me to the hospital!
Brightheart: WE HAVE A MEDICINE DEN YOU KNOW!
Smudge: ... GET ME OUTTA HERE!
Firestar: Are you sick and tired of leaf-bare always ruining the year?
Firestar: Do you wish you could change the seasons at will?
Graystripe: Uh n- I mean yes!
Firestar: *sigh* Well then you need the Season Changer 3000! Just tell it what season you want it to be, and bam! There you go!
Graystripe: Make it leaf-bare!
The Hidden Pregnacy Diet!
Leafpool:Even wonder how no one noticed that I was pregnant?
Flareon:No.....but now that I think about it.........Yeah why didn't anyone notice?
Leafpool:Well,you need th-
Flareon:WHY ARE YOU DIRECTING THE COMERCIAL I'M THE DIRECTOR AND THE HOST
Flareon:WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME
(Battle music starts and a sign apears saying Flareon vs Leafpool)
Leafpool:Ever wonder how no one noticed I was pregnant?
Flareon(Tied to a tree with a tape over her mouth):Mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!
Leafpool(Ignores)Well,you need to try the HIDDEN PREGNACY DIET!
Leafpool:the hidden pregnacy will seemingly make you look as your as scrawny as your clan mates when you actualy not!!!!All you have to do is assemble.(Assembles a complex looking machine) and enter it(Eneters machine and walks out) The machine will take note of your weight and belly shape and then as you walk out it will give you a booklet created specificly for your needs(Booklet pops out form the machine and Leafpool takes it)The booklet is filled with recipies,excersises,and strange dances that you can do to get that PURR-FECT belly of your dreams.
Jayfeather:Call today!!!!!The number is 1800-purrfect-belly!Call in the next 30 hours and recive a free flareon!
Flareon(Trashes around angrely)MMMMMHMHMHMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!
Flareon(Breaks free)I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS LEAFPOOL (Leaps at her)
Camara falls to the floor and goes on static
The Magic Power Giver!
*Jayfeather, Graystripe, Firestar, Leafpool, and Icecloud walk on stage*
Jayfeather: Are you tired of having a boring life?
Graystripe, Leafpool, and Icecloud: Yes
Jayfeather: Well who cares, the Magic Power Giver will make your boring old life FUN!
Everyone but Firestar and Leafpool: Yay!!
Leafpool: I don't want a fun life..
*Jayfeather walks over to the Power Giver, turns it on*
Jayfeather: Just enter your name and-
*Graystripe shoves Jayfeather down, Enters name and power is chosen*
Graystripe: I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
*Graystripe zooms away through the window*
Firestar: I think i'll just, uhm, take a little try...
*Firestar walks over Jayfeather, enters name and gets a power*
Firestar: I can die! Waitwha-
*Jayfeather gets up, and enters his own name*
Jayfeather: As you can see,I now have super speed.
*Icecloud shoves Jayfeather aside, entering her name and getting her power*
Icecloud: I can now revive any cat of choice!
*Jayfeather shoves her off stage and she revives herself*
Icecloud: HA! I'm UNBEATABLEE!!
*Jayfeather runs away, Icecloud chases him*
Jayfeather: PLEASE NO I HAVE SIBLINGS!!
Icecloud: LIKE I CARE!!
Leafpool in that voice at the end of things: wearenottheownersifyoudiebecomestupidmurderafriendreviveanenemyorkillyourdselfwithdeathberries.
*Tallstar and Jake walk on stage, Tigerstar is hanging by a rope tied around his chest*
Tallstar: Ever wanted to make weather? Well now you can with teh Weather Maker!
*Tallstar turns on the machine, lightning strikes Tigerstar*
Tigerstar: What the crap, man?
*Tallstar makes it rain*
Tigerstar: I spent hours on this pelt, its ruined now, Tallstar, I swear when i'm untied you will be running.
*Tallstar turns it onto tornado*
*Tigerstar is ripped from the rope, he squirms away*
*Tallstar does a very girlish scream*
Jake in very low voice: wearenotresponsiblefordeathorbeingtakenawayintospacebutifyourphoneischargedweareresponsible.
The Ultimate Supreme Teeth-Washer
Alderpaw: Have you ever been tired of washing your dishes?
A Random StarClan Cat: What in me is a dish?
Alderpaw: A dish is what you eat your food with.
The Random StarClan Cat: Uhhh....I don't use dishes. I use my teeth to eat.
Alderpaw: Then this will clean your teeth!
The Random StarClan Cat: *stares at big metal machine* But I don't think my teeth will fit in here. And I don't think that this is safe...
Alderpaw: Not to worry! Clawface?
*Clawface steps onto the stage and rips out The Random StarClan Cat's teeth*
Alderpaw: *grabs teeth* Thank you, Clawface. *tosses teeth into dishwasher*
Alderpaw: Look at these nice, sparkly-clean teeth! This random StarClan cat is begging to buy this, but he's not alone! You, viewer, can get this the Ultra Supreme Teeth-Washer for only $1,999,999,999,999,999.99 plus shipping and handling! That's right, only 1 quintillion, 999 quadrillion, 999 trillion, 999 billion, 999 million, 999 thousand, 900-and-ninety-nine dollars and 99 cents, but only if you're the first buyer! Otherwise, it's 1 duodecillion, 999 undecillion, 999 decillion, 999 nonillion, 999 octillion, 999 septillion, 999 sextillion, 999 quintillion, 999 quadrillion, 999 trilllion, 999 billion, 999 million, 999 thousand, 999 dollars and 99 cents!
*$1,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999.99 appears on the screen*
The Random StarClan Cat: Iy don' wa'a buy yish 'ing!
Alderpaw: Hear that, folks? Those are the words of a happy, pleased customer!
The Random StarClan Cat: IY NOH PEASED!
*Clawface binds and gags The Random StarClan Cat*
Hollyleaf: THAT TEETH-WASHER SUCKS!
Sparkpaw: Alderpaw, you're doing it wrong! Here, let me advertise!
Sparkpaw: *turns to Hollyleaf* YOU LITTLE PIECE OF FOX-DUNG, LET ME TELL YOU, YOU WILL BUY THIS TEETH-WASHER AT FULL PRICE OR I SWEAR TO STARCLAN AND THE DARK FOREST I WILL KILL YOU A SECOND TIME AND FEED YOUR ENTRAILS TO THE DOGS!!!!!!
Hollyleaf: *gulps nervously* O-okay....*hands over $1,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999.99*
Sparkpaw: AND YOU TOO, VIEWERS! GET THIS FREAKING TEETH-WASHER OR YOU WILL END UP LIKE BEETLEWHISKER!
*Dogwood gives Sparkpaw $1,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999.99*
Alderpaw: Order yours today at 1-800-WETROLLED-U! That is 1-800-WETROLLED-U, or visit www.lol-we-ripped-u-off.com/dishwasher.
Funnifier for Sad Kitties
Bright Stream: Hello! My name is Bright Stream. When I died and when Clear Sky left me, I was oh so sad. So I made this invention! We're having Bumble test it out.
Bumble: Why did Turtle Tail ever leave me? *sobbing*
Bright Stream: Oh, good thing! All you have to do is go inside and have a friend press this big fat red button. So, Bumble, demonstrate.
Bumble: *blows nose and chucks it onto a mountain of tissues* W-what...?
Bright Stream: *quieter* you know, go in the machine!
Bumble: OH! Yes, right. *runs inside machine*
Bright Stream: *presses button* See? Look how easy that was!
Producer (Cloud Spots): Bright Stream, you pressed the wrong button.
Bright Stream: Really? I did?
(the machine goes crazy)
Producer (Cloud Spots): You THINK?
Bright Stream: *presses emergency stop button* we need a new test subject.
Clear Sky: *steps forward*
Bright Stream: OMG CLEARY! *rushes forward and kisses his face*
Clear Sky: *pushes Bright Stream away* EWWWWW! SHE-CATS HAVE GERMS!
Bright Stream: Sexist! GO IN THE MACHINE YOU DUNGFACE!
Clear Sky: *glares at Bright Stream while walking backwards into the machine*
Bright Stream: *presses the right button this time*
Clear Sky: *walks out of the machine like normal*
Bright Stream: Now, audience, watch.
Machine: I maed u a cookeh... but i eaTEd it o.O
Clear Sky: That's mean! I mean... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!
Machine: wun day i woek up and was married 2 a potato XDDDDD SO RANDOM!!!!
Clear Sky: HAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH! *clutches sore sides and wipes away a few tears from eyes*
Machine: What if... you had a pet uNICORN XDDDDDDDD RANDOMMMMMEERRRHDHSJ
Clear Sky: *laughs at his own laughing*
Dappled Pelt: Bright Stream! That looks really life-changing! How much money?
Bright Stream: Only $19.99 including shipping and customisation!
Dappled Pelt: *purchases* WOW!!!! :D
Really fast talker: andrememberitaintlegitsohahagocrytoyourmummyohwaitnopretendthatsnotmeanpretendthatitsnotfaultydodgyorafraudthankyoualsosomesmallobjectsarechokinghazardsandifyoutouchthemyouwilldieyouvejustbeenrippedoffbythewaytheseareallrealcats
(end of commercial)
The Killinator 9000!
Clawface: Ever want to get rid of that one annoying cat you HATE?
Darkstripe, Tigerstar, and Ashfur: YES!!
Clawface: Ever wanted to reek havoc from beyond the grave?
Darkstrike, Tigerstar, and Ashfur: YESS!!
CLawface: Well now you can, with the Killinator 30000000000!!
Darkstripe with fake smile: Dude, its The Killinator 9000
Clawface: I knew that *In sassy voice*
Clawface: Now, just make the cat step inside the machine. OHHH FIRESTAR!!
Firestar is forced onto stage with chains by Mapleshade, who is holding a pitchfork
Clawface: Step insdie the machine.
Firestar does so.
CLawface: Ashfur, will you do the honors of pressing the red button?
Ashfur presses the button.
A message flashes across the screen: The following actions are pg-13 moons, please block all kits eyes.
Faint screaming from Firestar, teh machine is vibrating. Saw noises and slashing noises are heard.
Gagging is heard, slicing in being heard aswell, something like a gut snapping is also heard.
Screams die down and Clawface has a smile.
Firestar crawls out of machine, sliced, diced, and all out almost dead.
Firestar is blurred cause of blood.
Clawface: As you an see, those are some happy customers. *points to the DF cats*
Firestar dies for good.
Mapleshade shoves in Crookedstar, Clawface shoves in Graystripe, Tigerstar shoves in Scourge and Scourge shoves in Tigerstar, and Graystripe pulls Clawface in, Sorreltail slams Darkstripe in, Hollyleaf shoves in Ashfur, Mudclaw and Hawkfrost shove eachother in, and insert dat white cat with scar* pulls *insert an enemy here* in. Leaving only Mapleshade to remain.
Mapleshade infront of the vibrating machine that is chucking gore and blood everywhere: Buy it today for only
plus shipping and handling
Hawkheart in really low voice:wearenotresponsibleforbeingpulledinkillingafamilymemberorshootingyourselfwithhazards
Ashfurs screams die away and it chucks him out, diced.
Mapleshade throws a pitchfork at the escaping Tigerstar, killing him as he is dragged back in by a half gone Scourge
Mapleshade: the website is www.KEELYOURFRIENDANDMATE.com
Mapleshade throws a knife at camera, thus ending teh commercial.
Bluestar: Tired of being bored with a Clan?
Bluestar: I am so not giving it to you.
Hazeltail: (sigh) Are you tired of being bored with your Clan?
Hazeltail: Then, get the Clan-Toy! It's the most boring-
Hazeltail: Are you tired of a boring Clan?
Hazeltail: Then, get the Clan-Toy. It will amaze your Clan.
Hazeltail: While first, there are multiple selections available.
Firestar: Show me.
Hazeltail: Go to Www.ClanToyIsBoring.Com, dummy.
Firestar: (pulls it up)
Hazeltail: You can scroll through the selections, and get the one you want! Once you have found it, if you have more to order, then click 'Add to Cart'. If that is all, click 'Check Out Now'.
Firestar: AWESOME! It looks so amazing, can I get any deals to get it sooner?
Hazeltail: Call within the time of this commercial, and it will be delivered in the next-
Delivers: At your service, Hazeltail.
Hazeltail: Go order now, or DIE!
Heathertail: (in strange, low, fast voice) WEARENOTRESPONSIBLEFORYOURTOYBEINGBORINGORITKILLINGCATSOFYOURCLANORWORSE.WEAREALSONOTRESPONSIBLEFORIFYOUDIDNOTORDERANDYOUAREKILLEDRIGHTABOUTNOW.
Hollyleaf: Are you kits tired of needing to play with moss balls and leaves?
Birchkit, Dustkit, Fernkit: YES!!
Hollyleaf: Are you bored to go outside and see the same old mossballs?
Birchkit, Dustkit, Fernkit: YESS!!
Hollyleaf: Well you need, HELLO KITTYPET!!
It's a snuggly friend that you'll never want to leave!
The most famous kittypet!!
Birchkit: OMG SO FLUFFEH!
Hello kittypet who is just Firestar in pink clothing: Why did I sign up for this?
Hollyleaf: She comes in 3 colors, Fiery orange tabby, White snowy, and Black o lantern.
Purchase one at www.Thisisascam.com, and call us at 666-HELLOSCAMMER-6666
Firestar: Is mauled by kits* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Icecloud who is in pink clothing: We are not responsible if you are slapped in this stupid outfit. *is mauled and killed by kits, then ripped apart limb by limb by each kit*
Kit: LETS START A REVOLUTION!!!
Kits: YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS *grabs guns and swords*
Kit: Shoots camera*
Mate4Life Volume 2.0
Sparklepaw: Are you sad about not having a fun loving mate who can cherish you and love you for life?
King Henry VIII: I NEED A SON! GIVE ME MORE WIVES!
Anne Boleyn: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Sparklepaw: Not you 1600 version of King Henry VIII! I meant the Warrior cats!
Sparklepaw: Well here is the new Mate4Life Volume 2.0 invention!
Littlepaw: What does it do?
Sparkepaw: It gives you a strong, long living mate who will love you as you love her, and bear you kits!
King Henry VIII: Why didn't they invent this when I was alive?!
Sparklepaw: Go on, try it! You could customize you mate however you like!
Jayfeather: (customizes mate)(mate pops out)
Willowheart: YAY! We're mates! (touches Jayfeather on the muzzle)(Jayfeather blushes)
Sparklepaw: (teleports into the future) Well there you have it! Get your own mate4life, and also a discounted price of 20 mice!
Littlepaw: My mater Silverheart is now deputy, and I WANTED TO BE DEPTY! AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET WARRIORIZED! WHAT IS HAPPENING!! (blows up)
(Jayfeather bounces into Sparklepaw, out of breath) WHA-
Jayfeather: SHE'S GONNA (BEEP) ME!
Sparklepaw: WHAT?! (Watches Willowheart attack from the forest) OH!!
Dark Voiced Cat: Order now and get the second one free! Try Mate4Life today.
Side effects include death, random attacks, sudden inappropiate actions, robotic voices, taunting, fighting, beatin you to lead the clan, making you suffer, and so much more depressing stuff. CALL 1800-RUINMYLIFE today
Are you upset with whatever you say to your mate or a clanmate, or even your own leader?
Lionblaze: Sigh. Yep.
Tigerstar: IM PURRFECT! SUCK IT STARCLAN!
(Tigerstar runs away)
Then you need SayIT!
Bluestar: Say what?
JUST SAY IT! MAKE UR DREAMS COME TRUE! (Yells throwing everyone back with awesome explosions)
(Bluestar randomly loses hearing from loud noises)
This new impressive pills can make you say the nicest and helpful things and ideas to your clans!
But wait! There's more! Order today and get the second one free! It costs 15 mice for 2 pills, 20 for 4! AMAZING RIGHT! (blows everyone backwards with last sentence)
Bluestar: WHAT DID HE SAY?! IM DEAF BECAUSE OF HIM!
Firestar: We should try some! (grabs free pills and hands each to Bluestar and Lionblaze)(Gulps down)
Lionblaze: I feel smarter already! HEY I GOT AN IDEA! (Jumps off a cliff)
Bluestar: (wanders to StarClan) I have some grave news. I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my (beeep)!
StarClan: GASP! (all scatter running while policecars run over Bluestar)
Firestar: (wanders to Harry Potter)Harry, I just have to say, Your a lizard harry.
Harry Potter: Im a WHAT?!
Firestar: A blizzard! I mean a gizzard! Sanstorm, you know what I mean. You are a piece of LITTER.
Firestar: No wait I didn't say that! The pill did! I really want to murder you! Wait, what?
Sandstorm: (dashes away)
Firestar: COME BACK! (brambleclaw walks over)
Brambleclaw: Whatcha doinf Firestar?
Firestar: Oh, im sucking lolipops 24/7 365 while teleporting in bombs. (random Silence)
Firestar: I have an Idea!
News: Firestar, a legendary warrior jumps in front of a train, protesting against deforestation, and dies.
ORDER TODAY AND YOULL BE JUST LIKE THEM! CALL 1800IRUINEDMYLIFEAGAIN.
Honeyfern: Are you tried of not having your mate with you?
Honeyfern: Then look no farther! We have a new machine, The Timeinator! Just step right into it and pick a time. You select by cat.
Jayfeather: *pads in and chooses the time of Half Moon*
Jay's Wing: AH! IT'S AN ALIEN THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE ME!
Jayfeather: I AM you. *slaps*
Half Moon: Two Jay's Wing's? OMSC! *faints*
Jay's Wing: *glares*
Honeyfern: He's so happy! To be like him *shows crying Jayfeather* call 111-THISISBAD-111 today, or order at www.Youfellformyscamlol.com!
The Clan-Spyer 1!
(Can be heard in background): We have a bad editing system so we can't do another take! Be good! Action!
Clear Sky: Have you ever wanted to spy on the other Cla-
Leafstar: Maybe you have, but you were a butt when you lived.
Clear Sky: *sighs* Have you ever wanted to spy on the other Clans?
Clear Sky: Well, I have a solution! The Clan-Spyer 1 lets you read what the Clans are doing! Even SkyClan!
Tigerstar: OMDF (oh my dark forest) gotta have this!!!!! *snatches phone and downloads app*
Clear Sky: You can plot your evil plans, and see witch Clans are weak!
Leafstar: Your bringing-
Clear Sky: SHUT IT, LOSER!
Leafstar (with tape over mouth): Donta orfer tis!
Clear Sky: To get it on your computer, go to www.Theclanswillbedoomedlol.com!
Mapleshade: *goes to computer and looks at website*
Clear Sky: As you can see, you just have to sign up and put in your Credit Cat, and buy it for exactly a billion dollars!
Sharpclaw: Why so cheap?
Leafstar (still with tape over mouth): YO DUMPY!
Clear Sky: To be like them... *shows surprised and scammed Mapleshade and happy Tigerstar* buy one today! If for some reason, you don't like our cheap deal, you can get one for 1,000 mice! Order now and get a free Leafstar!
Tigerstar: My screen says "Leafstar has fainted".
Clear Sky: *puts Leafstar in box*
Voice: ORDER NOW!
The Dark forest Escapes!
Tigerstar: You bored with StarClan escapes
Moonflower: OH YES!
Tigerstar: well, come to the dark forest escape! it's 100% kit friendly!
Snowfur: IMMA GOING IN
Snowfur: Hey sis?
Snowfur: I'm lost.
Bluestar: where are you?
Snowfur: between the BloodClan spa and Darktail's rouges resturant. ohh but I had good meat there, the only problem was it was Firestar's body.
Bluestar: Tigerstar, how did she get lost?
Tigerstar: That's the fun! You can get in but no ones ever come out! When you
Die Fall asleep, they make you part of the meal!
Hawkfrost: and it's kit friendly! and if you buy your tickets at Darkforestescapes.die you will get 50% off! BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! All asleep bodies go to the Dark forest for free! call 877- Dark-forest right now!
Note: we are not responsible if you: Die, get lost, get killed. enjoy!
AND THAT'S WHY YOU READ THE FINE-PRINT
Ferncloud: I WANT MORE KITS
Bluefire: Try out this new machine! You can customize a kit if you want! See, I’ll clone myself for you! *types data into the machine*
Clone kit: Hi, we look alike!
Bluefire: THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE MY CLONE. So, Ferncloud, how many do you want?
Ferncloud: I’ll take one, for now. Name: Pinekit. A beautiful black she-kit with pale green eyes. Personality: protective, determined, overly caring.
Pinekit: Hi, mom!
Bluefire: Do you want any others?
Ferncloud: Sure, I’ll take 2 more. Frostkit, a white she-kit with green eyes and Dawnkit, a brown tabby tom with golden eyes.
Bluefire: *enters data* oh no...
*200000000000000000 kits pour out of the machine, 100000000000000000 white she-kits with green eyes and 100000000000000000 brown tabby toms*
*Ferncloud and Bluefire are crushed by the sheer weight*
Bluefire: *really quickly* the machine has a 33.33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333% chance of malfunction, where it makes 200000000000000000 kits. That’s why it’s called the Kit-O-Maker 200000000000000000. *dies with Ferncloud*
Every other Clan cat in a 10000000000000 mile radius: *dies*
Pinekit and Bluefire-clone-kit: WE RULE THE WORLD NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call 1-800-MEGASCAM to get yours today!
Bluefire-clone-kit: If it kills you and all your Clan mates, blame the idiot who made it. Also known as THE CREATOR OF MY CLONE.
The Kitting machine
Ferncloud: any cat mad-
Crowfeather: THANK YOU
Ferncloud: any cat mad they won't have kits?
Ferncloud: now, you can make kits for yourself, what do you want Sandstorm?
Sandstorm: A pale gray she-cat, and a brown tom!
Ferncloud:Now I'll hit you and-oops.
Ferncloud: Brambleclaw, don't get mad, I have bad aim
Brambleclaw: OH STARCLAN I AM KITTING WHAT THE *BLEEP* ???
Brambleclaw: I will name them, Fernkit and Cloudkit, because of the Queen who made me - OH STARCLAN WHAT ARE THEY DOING??
*Every cat who ever kitted*: HAAAAAAHAHAHA
Slate: they are Suckling
Brambleclaw: WHAT?? this is out of control, RAHHHHHHHH
*Comercial ended because of cuncutions of actors