All songs used in this fanfic I don't own.
1. During a Gathering, after a Clan leader reports their news, Run out screaming "Andre! Andre! I've got the secret information!"
Onestar: In Windclan, we have appointed one new warrior, Rabbittail.
Cats: Yay!
Onestar: That is all Windclan has to report.
Foxpaw: Andre! Andre! Get the coptor ready I got the secret information! *runs away*
Firestar: What did Squirrelflight do wrong?!?
2. While sharing tongues, have arguments with yourself
Foxpaw: *Shares tongues with Toadpaw* Why do I share tongues with this loser?
Foxpaw: Toadpaw is nice!
Foxpaw: You would think so you overweight pansy!
Foxpaw: Oh no you di'int
Foxpaw: Oh yes I di'id
Foxpaw: Take this Dogbreath! *Bites leg*
Foxpaw: Oww! Take this! *Scratches face*
3. Find new and creative excuses not to clean out the elder's bedding.
Squirrelflight: Go clean out Longtail's bedding
Foxpaw: I can't
Squirrelflight: Why not?
Foxpaw: It interferes with my religious beliefs
Squirrelflight: Then go check Mousefur for ticks
Foxpaw: Nope, I have a disorder in which I spazz out at anytime.
Squirrelflight: o_0
4. Run into the Leader's den and explain that you have to leave the forest.
Firestar: *loving himself* la di dah di dah *Foxpaw runs in*
Foxpaw: They've found me! I have to leave the forest!
Firestar: Bye
Foxpaw:...
5. At a clan meeting, bring things to throw at your leader
Firestar: I have called this meeting to- *gets hit by tree trunk*
Foxpaw: hehehe
Firestar: *Glares at Foxpaw*
Foxpaw: It was Daisy!
Firestar: Yaaaaahhhh!! *kills Daisy*
Foxpaw: hehehe!
6. Find fun ways to use your dirt.
Foxpaw: *holding a ball of dung* Go Pikachu!
Icepaw: *hit with dung* What the!?!
Foxpaw: Yes!
Icepaw: Why did you through your dirt at me.
Foxpaw: (whisper) Gotta catch'em all Gotta catch'em all
Icepaw: What?
Foxpaw: (louder) Gotta catch'em all Gotta catch'em all! (louder) Gotta catch'em all Gotta catch'em all!
7. At night, get up and move to a different nest every 5 min
Foxpaw: *Yawns* time to move
Berrynose: *Foxpaw sits on him* Ow! What the crap!
Fowpaw: What's your deal?
Berrynose: Um it's my nest! What are you even doing in the warriors den?
Foxpaw: *clearly offended* Uhh, It is my right as a citizen of these United States that I am free to sleep where I please.
Berrynose: We live in Europe!
Foxpaw: No wonder you're so rude
8. While training, comment on how good your mentor looks that day (more effective if mentor is the same gender)
Squirrelflight: Today we will be going over border tactics
Foxpaw: You are looking fine today
Squirrelflight: Excuse me?
Foxpaw: You're pelt is so glossy Mrrow
Squirrelflight: I have a mate
Foxpaw: You're smell so good
Squirrelflight: You're creeping me out
Foxpaw: Don't fight it babe
9. At a Gathering, get everybody to do the wave
Firestar: Thundercl-
Foxpaw: Put your hands in the air and wave' em like you just don't care I say hey-o hey-o I say hey-o hey-o!
Cats:...
Foxpaw: What is wrong with this crowd
Blackstar: WHOO! *claps* Go Foxpaw!
Foxpaw: Thank You!
10. Speak in a different language. If you don't know one, make one up!
Honeyfern: Hey Foxpaw!
Foxpaw: Hola sinorita! Como estas?
Honeyfern: Uhh...
Foxpaw: Mios ti porifera eh mamosita?
Honeyfern:...bye... *walks away*
11. Tag Team Testing
Squirrelflight: Okay, are you ready for your assessment?
Foxpaw: Yep!
Rosepaw: *runs in and tags Foxpaw*
Squirrelflight: Stop Foxpaw!
Foxpaw: What?
Squirrelflight: What is all this about?
Foxpaw: it's tag team testing, DUH!
Squirrelflight: V_V
12. Make cheat sheets for assessments. Be sure to bring the sheets to the WRONG assessment
Squirrelflight: What is the difference between hunting rabbits and hunting mice?
Foxpaw: Uhh.. *looks at cheat sheet* Yarrow?
Squirrelflight: What? *looks at cheat sheet* this is a cheat sheet for Medicine, not hunting!
Foxpaw: I was wondering why it didn't talk about mice on it
Squirrelflight: Uhhh!
13. While on patrol, fake an orgasm
Foxpaw: *Sobbing*
Brambleclaw: why are you crying?
Foxpaw: *sobs* You see that tree?
Brambleclaw: ...yea
Foxpaw: well, it just *sobs* moves me so much *sobs* NATURE IS SO BEAUTIFUL!
14. Make strange noises to get people to stare
Foxpaw: gudbsjepu
Toadpaw: What is that?
Foxpaw: shekjfhusfgsj
Thornclaw: *pelt bristles*
Foxpaw: Rosepaw! Stop scaring everyone with those noises!
Rosepaw: But I-
Foxpaw: Stop making excuses!
Rosepaw: But-
Foxpaw: OUT!
Rosepaw: *slinks away*
Foxpaw: Kids!
15. Dress like your mentor
Foxpaw: *pelt is painted dark ginger* Hey Squirrelflight!
Squirrelflight: Hey Foxp- OH MY GOD!
Foxpaw: Hey girlfriend! You like? I'm like so fab now!
Squirrelflight: How did you change you're pelt color?
Foxpaw: You don't need to know
Squirrelflight: *looks at sky* What did I do to deserve this?
16. Carve cryptic messages into rocks on the way to the Moonpool
Foxpaw: *carving into rocks* hehehe! *leaves*
Leafpool: *looks at a rock* 'Kick Brokenstar's head at Moonpool' *shudders*
Willowshine: *looks at another rock* 'When at the Moonpool, instead of touching water with nose, DIVE IN!'
---At Moonpool---
Willowshine: *jumps into pool* Ah! no wonder we're not allowed to swim in this, it BURNS!
Leafpool: Shut up! *dreams*
---Place of No Stars---
Leafpool: Yo Brokenbutt! Come out!
Brokenstar: What do you want *gets hit in face* Ow! That was hot babe!
Leafpool: Be my mate!
Brokenstar: OK!
Foxpaw: How did this become a happy ending?
17.On the log on the way to Gatherings, walk REALLY slow
Foxpaw: I'm ready
Lionblaze: Move faster!
Foxpaw: Make me!
Lionblaze: *leaps at Foxpaw but misses and plunges into the river*
Foxpaw: Sucker!
18. Tell the leader that there is a code 3 in the nursery and see what happens
Fowpaw: Firestar! There is a Code 3 in the nursery
Firestar: Oh no! *goes out on the Highledge* Everyone! Daisy has peed in the Nursery! Evacuate the camp immediatly!
Cats: AHHHHHHH! *Running to exit*
Brambleclaw: MY EYES!
Foxpaw: ^_^
19. Disquise yourself and go up to a cat and say 'I haven't seen you in so long' and see if they play along
Foxpaw: *pelt painted dark brown* Hey Heathertail! It's been so long!
Heathertail: Uhh... yeah! How've you been?
Foxpaw: Good *glares at Breezepelt* Who's this?
Heathertail: He's my uhh-
Breezepelt: I'm her mate!
Foxpaw: YOU GOT ANOTHER MATE!
Heathertail: What are yo-
Foxpaw: WE ARE LIKE SOOOOO OVER!!!
20. Get a black cape and pretend to be Batman
Foxpaw: I am Batman *hums batman theme song*
Icepaw: Where did you get the cape?
Foxpaw: She's on to us! Come Robin to the Batcave! *drags Toadpaw away with him*
21. Get lost in another clan's forest
Tawnypelt: What are you doing here
Foxpaw: Who are you?
Tawnypelt: Do you need help?
Foxpaw: Why won't you people just leave me alone!?! *runs away*
Tawnypelt: Glad I left
22. Ask cats what gender they are, afterwards laugh hysterically
Foxpaw: Firestar, are you a boy or a girl?
Firestar: Boy
Foxpaw: HAHAHAGGAGAGAHAGAHGAGAHAGAH!
Firestar: What's so funny?
Foxpaw: ... HAHAHAHHAAGAGAGAHAGAHAGAHGAHAGAHAGAHA!
Firestar: O.O
23. Pretend you're that guy from the Salad Fingers movies on Youtube
Foxpaw: *walks into Riverclan camp* Hello
Reedwhisker: ...
Foxpaw: Do you have any spoons?
Reedwhisker: Uhhh...
Foxpaw: *takes out spoon* Rusty spoons feel so good on my salad fingers
Reedwhisker: I don't know what a spoon is
Foxpaw: Oh, okay then. Before I go, let me caress your kits. *starts rubbing kits*
Icewing: O.O
Foxpaw: Kits feel so good on my salad fingers
24. Be obnoxious and yell out answers while watching game shows
Ferncloud: Who Wants To Be a Millionaire is starting. Foxpaw, don't get over competative
Foxpaw: I'll control myself
--3 minutes later--
Foxpaw: GOD YOU IDIOT! RESISTANCE EQUALS VOLTAGE AND CURRENT NOU CURRENT AND VELOCITY
Ferncloud: ugh
Squirrelflight: Should have gotten him neutered when you had the chance
25. Be a Gangsta!
Foxpaw: Yo wuz up dog!
Poppyfrost: Uhh nothing I guess
Foxpaw: Don't be hatin dis playa!
Poppyfrost: Have you been reading your mom's Gaygirl magazines again?
Foxpaw: You challenging me to a gangsta showdown!?!
Poppyfrost: No! I wa-
Foxpaw: See if you can beat dis! (Thug Story music starts playing)
I'm like 8 foot 4, Ginger fur to the floor you shorties never thought I dreamed about rapping hardcore
no I ain't got a gun
no I never really been in a club
still live with my parents
but I'm still a thug''
I'm so gangsta you can find me baking cookies at night
you out clubbing, but I just made starling delight
F paw and t pain rappin on the same track
it's a thug story tell me can you handle that''
I had a dream last night I had high-top Nikes
I had diamonds in my mouth, and diamonds on my mic
by the time I woke I was singing "I'M ON A BOOOOAAT"''
cuz I'm a apprentice turned rapper
shorty I'm a make ya
straight to the top, yo
shorty I'ma take ya''
you can call me F Peezy now I'm a rap star
hey it's a thug story now tell them who you are''
Apprentice turned gangsta
you don't wanna fight me
straight to the top
in my extra small white tee''
F paw and t pain all up on the same track
it's a thug story tell now can you get with that''
what! what! I knit sweaters yo!
what! what! don't test me [bleep]''
hey hold on, hold on I didn't even say anything
WHAT?
I said "yo"
YUP
you guys bleeped me and I didn't even say anything
I didn't even swear
I DIDN'T EVEN SWEAR
hello??'
Poppyfrost: BYE! *runs away*
26. Become SPOCK (I just saw Star Trek)
Foxpaw/Spock: I am Spock!
Squirrelflight: Sure... great. Go clean out your mother's bedding
Fox/Spock: You insufferable little troll! My mother is dead!
Squirrelflight: She's not dea-
Fox/Spock: Don't you insult my mother! Just because she fell off a cliff and she was a human!
Squirrelflight: But I-
Fox/Spock: Don't you see my eyebrows, my ears, my hair! You should know never to insult Spock!
Squirrelflight: I wasn't-
Fox/Spock: DIE KURK! *Jumps at Squirrelflight
27. Put a banana in your ear!
Foxpaw: *haves a banana in his ear*
Icepaw: What are you doing?
Foxpaw: (music starts Put a banana in your ear Charlie the Unicorn) Put a banana in your ear!
Icepaw: A banana in my ear?
Foxpaw: Put a banana right into your favorite ear
It's true
Icepaw: Says who?
Foxpaw: So true
Once it's in your gloom will disappear
The bad in life is hard to hear when in your ear a banana cheers so go and put a banana in your ear!
Put a banana in your ear
Icepaw: I'd rather keep my ear clear
Foxpaw: Put a banana right into your favorite ear
It's true
Icepaw: Says you
Foxpaw: So true
Icepaw: PLEASE STOP!
28. Become a Vegetarian
Rosepaw: You wanna share fresh kill?
Foxpaw: What? No! I can't eat meat! I'm a vegetarian! (and I ain't f*** scared of him. Sorry I couldn't resist!)
Rosepaw: But what will you eat?
Foxpaw: Herbs... herbs I will eat
Rosepaw: But fresh kill is good
Foxpaw: WHAT!?! How would you like it if you were killed and eaten by some undeserving animal? Maybe even your bladder used to kill ticks!?! You make me sick
Rosepaw: ... whatever
29. Be dramatic at the Daylight Gathering
Blackstar: First match is between Dawnpaw and Foxpaw
Foxpaw: (before the match) This is it
Girl vs Boy
Female vs Male
Senorita vs Senor
Blue eyes vs Green
Ginger vs Cream
Predator vs Prey-
Blackstar: GO!
Dawnpaw: *pins down Foxpaw* Loser!
Foxpaw: No more dramatic speeches...
30. Knock knock jokes
Foxpaw: knock knock
Toadpaw: Whose there?
Foxpaw: wanda
Toadpaw: wanda who?
Foxpaw: wanda where I put my fresh kill?
Toadpaw: hahaha
Foxpaw: knock knock
Toadpaw: Whose there?
Foxpaw: Conrad
Toadpaw: conrad-ulations, you win!
-3 hours later-
Foxpaw: knock knock
Toadpaw:...
Foxpaw: sombrero
Toadpaw: sombrero who?
Foxpaw: sombrero-ver the rainbow! (somewhere up high! Somewhere over the rainbow, where bluebirds fly ^_^)
Mysterious Voice: Knock Knock
Foxpaw: (nervously) who's... there?
Mysterious voice: Police
Foxpaw: police... who?
Mysterious Voice: Police stop telling these bad knock knock jokes! A ha ha ha ha ha!
Foxpaw: Hahaha!
31. Say Goodbye
Foxpaw: It's been a good run,
It's been a blast.
I dearly hoped
That it would last.
I bid adieu
To those who've read.
Sad yowls I've wailed
And tears I've shed.
But it's about time
That I say,
Goodbye!
(Thank you to those who've been reading this story!)
The End!