Hey everyone, I would really like some constructive feedback if it is possible. Hope you enjoy Darkness Will Shine Light.
Darkness will Shine Light is about three kits destined for greatness. As they grow the mysteries grow even bigger. Will they be able to stop innocent cats from being hurt?
Acornstar- a brown muscular tom with amber eyes
Lightningpelt-a pale ginger tom with bright blue eyes
Florafur- tortishell she cat with amber eyes
Stormtail- blue she-cat with green eyes
Smokestorm- black tom with a white sock
Greyfang- grey tom with green eyes
Oakpool- brown she cat with unusual stripes
Skyclaw- white tom with huge green eyes
Redpoppy-brown she cat with amber eyes
Goosefeather- pale ginger tom with a white patch around his eyes
Scarface- black tom with an unusual scar on his face
Cindertail- grey she cat with blue eyes
Breezepelt- blue she cat with blue eyes
Maplemist- dark ginger she cat
Whitepaw-white tom with green eyes
Ashpaw-black she cat with green eyes
Flowerheart- tortishell she cat with dark green eyes
Hawkfoot- pale brown tom
Mothtail- brown she cat with amber eyes
Autumnstar- ginger she cat with amber eyes
Silverpelt- grey she cat with green eyes
Beetlefur- Black tom with amber eyes
Fogfoot- Grey tom with a white sock
Lavenderwhisker-blue she cat with blue eyes
Lizardfang- dark brown tom with green eyes
Moonflight- black and white tom with green eyes
Flamepaw- ginger tom with green eyes
Bronzepaw- - brown tom with amber eyes
Cloverear- white she cat with green eyes
Leafcloud- grey she cat with green eyes
Brightstar- pale ginger tom with green eyes
Jetfall- black tom with green eyes
Fallenrain- grey she cat with blue eyes
Curlyfoot-grey tom with unusually curly pelt
Duskwhisker- ginger tom with green eyes
Ferntail- brown she cat with bright green eyes
Eaglepaw- ginger she-cat with amber eyes
Grasspaw- brown tom with green eyes
Reedwhisker- black she-cat with long whiskers
Snowpelt- white she-cat with blue eyes
Violetpelt-grey she-cat with green eyes
Brackenstar- brown tom with amber eyes
Flickerfur- tortishell she cat with green eyes
Otterfur- brown she cat with green eyes
Houndclaw- black and white tom green eyes
Hootfeather- brown she cat with amber eyes
Nectarflow- ginger she cat wit amber eyes.
Quietpaw- blue tom with blue eyes
Robinpaw- brown she cat with green eyes
Stonepelt- grey she cat with blue eyes
Wasptail- ginger cat with amber eyes
Weedtooth- brown tom with green eyes
It was dark. Nothing stirred except the rustle of the leaves in the wind.
“Thanks for coming,” said a mysterious brown tom.
“This better be good!” exclaimed the other with a pelt as bright as the sun.
“I need more territory we are so limited,” the brown tom said.
They sat in silence for a minute staring up at Starclan.
“Well we do need more prey,” the ginger tom answered.
“Well it is a deal,” said the brown tom.
“But would Starclan approve of this?” asked the ginger tom.
“StarClan trusts us otherwise we wouldn’t be in our position now,” Said the brown tom.
“That is true,” said the ginger tom “Then it is a deal.”
"You mustn’t tell anyone about this meeting tonight,” exclaimed the brown tom
“Okay,” said the ginger tom.
The brown tom padded off. He wondered what his mate would think, what would his kits think and most importantly his clan if they found out what he was doing.
“But they wouldn’t, I will never tell anyone about this deal,” he thought.
Then it turned dark. A cloud covered the sky and it started to rain.
“Is this a sign from Starclan?” he thought.
He sprinted back to camp.
He stood on Highrock and thought to himself “I am Acornstar and I am the leader of ThunderClan, and I would do anything for my clan,”
"Oh Flowerheart they are gorgeous!" exclaimed Florafur.
"Lightningpelt come and have a look at our kits," said Flowerheart bursting with pride.
Lightningpelt padded over and his eyes widened and his heart melted as soon as he looked at his kits.
"They are beautiful," he said.
Lightningpelt couldn't take his eyes off his kits. He licked their heads to show his affection. The muscular ginger tom tapped his nose.
"Look Flowerheart he was born to be a warrior!" exclaimed Lightningpelt
"Would you like to name him?" asked Flowerheart.
"Yes I would love to!" replied Lightningpelt.
"I will name you Lionkit,"
Lionkit let out a mreow of approval.
"What are his sisters going to be called Flowerheart?" asked Florafur
"I think I will name the little grey she-cat Ivykit and the tortishell she-cat Amberkit." said Flowerheart.
"They are perfect names!" exclaimed Lightningpelt.
"I have a family." thought Flowerheart "and nothing can stop me from protecting them!"
"Lightningpelt, Acornstar needs you." said Goosefeather as he padded into the nursery.
"On my way Goosefeather." replied Lightning pelt as he licked his kits goodbye and padded out of the nursery.
"Flowerheart you kits are so cute!" exclaimed Goosefeather.
"Thank you Goosefeather." said Flowerheart.
"Oh my beautiful kits," thought Flowerheart "one day you will be the best of warriors and nothing will ever stop me from protecting you! May StarClan light your path my kits!"
Lionkit padded out into the clearing with Ivykit not far behind him. Do you want to go hunting?" asked Lionkit.
"Yes, I would love to, lets try and sneak out so mother doesn't notice us., whispered Ivykit.
"Where are you to going?" asked Flowerheart.
The two kits turned around to see their mother standing right behind them.
"Um well," stuttered Ivykit.
"We were going to go hunting." said Lionkit.
Ivykit shot her brother an icy glare for telling the truth.
"Well I better come with you." said Flowerheart.
"Fine." said Ivykit as she gave in.
The three cats walked over to the forest. Lionkit looked around his eyes filled with amazement. Lionkit and Ivykit had never ventured out this far before.
"I wonder how Amberkit is going?" wondered Flowerheart.
It brought Flowerheart happiness that her daughter was taking her sisters path to become a medicine cat. Amberkit never left the medicine cat den. Amberkit was to ooascinated by all the herbs that she elept there sometimes.
"Mother, Lionkit tripped over his own feet and scared off my mouse!" whined Ivykit.
Ivykit shot Lionkit another icy glare. Lionkit looked really embarrassed.
"Don't worry Ivykit there are plenty of mice in the forest I am sure you will catch another." explained Flowerheart.
Ivykit nodded and then ran off. Lionkit ran after her. Flowerheart let out a mreow of amusement. Her kits were everything she ever wanted, everything she ever dreamed of and everything she could ever hope for.
Suddenly, Ivykit and Lionkit came running towards Flowerheart. "Mother there are some strange cats heading towards ThunderClan." explained Lionkit.
"And they smelled horrible!" said Ivykit.
"Take me to them." ordered Flowerheart.
The three of them ran as fast as they could to the strange group of cats. Flowerheart took one sniff and immediately she knew. ShadowClan!
"Kits we must run back to camp now and tell the others." ordered Flowerheart.
The two kits nodded. Flowerheart ran as fast as her legs could take her. Her kits weren't far behind her. As soon as they stepped foot in camp the three of them yelled, "ShadowClan is coming to invade us!"
"Oakpool gather the kits and make sure they are safe!" ordered Acornstar.
Oakpool ran up to Ivykit and Lionkit and flicked her tail as a gesture to follow.
"But I want to fight!" whined Ivykit.
"Now Ivykit I want you to be safe!" explained Flowerheart
Ivykit let out a reluctant sigh and followed Ivykit. Lionkit followed his sister reluctantly.
"Warriors you will stand and wait to greet ShadowClan while everyone else will hide so we can surprise them!" ordered Acornstar.
Flowerheart ran to the nearest bush. It was prickly but she would only be there for a short amount of time. There was a rustle behind Flowerheart. Flowerheart turned her head to see Amberkit sitting proudly.
"Amberkit why are you here?" asked Flowerheart angrily.
"Well Oakpool forgot to come get me so I thought that I was needed." explained Amberkit.
"Well it would be dangerous if you were to run to the others now so I need you to hide in this bush even when I go out to fight!" ordered Flowerheart.
Amberkit nodded her head rapidly and crouched down beside her mother.
"Now!" yelled Acornstar as the ShadowClan cats pilled in.
Flowerheart jumped out of the bush eager to attack the closest ShadowClan cat. She ran up to a black tom and kicked him. He let out a yowl of pain but fought back. His scraggy pelt smelt horrible. Flowerheart struggled underneath the weight of the tom. She decided to play dead so he would loosen his grip. She lay as still as possible, trying not to breathe. She felt his grip loosen and she jumped up and with claws unsheathed she flung her paw. There was a screech as the black tom ran off. ThunderClan was unstoppable! They would win this battle!
"ShadowClan retreat!" yelled Brackenstar as he scrambled out of Acornstar's grip.
"Don't come back!" hissed Acronstar his tail flicking with anger.
"Did we won?" asked Amberkit from the bush.
"Yes my darling, good job hiding," approved Flowerheart with a mreow of amusement.
"Thanks mother," beamed Amberkit.
"Mother!" yelped a little voice.
Flowerheart turned around to see Lionkit and Ivykit staring at her with wide eyes.
"Did you win mother?" questioned Ivykit excitedly.
"She did! She fought off many big, bad ShadowClan cats!" explained Amberkit.
"Yes, we did and you are safe now." said Flowerheart nuzzling her kits closer.
"Mother!" whined Ivykit.
"You are never to old for cuddles," laughed Flowerheart.
Flowerheart was glad this battle was over. As far as she knew no cat was hurt.
"It is time for a clan meeting!" ordered Acornstar.
ThunderClan cats gathered to hear what Acornstar had to say.
"There are three kits of ThunderClan that I think deserve to be apprentices. I know this is a surprise for them but I would like to give them there apprentice names seeing as they are now six moons old., declared Acornstar proudly.
Flowerheart and Lightningpelt shot an excited glance at each other. Then Flowerheart looked at her kits already rushing to the front of the crowd of cats.
"From this day till you recieve your warrior names, Lionkit you will be known as Lionpaw and your mentor will Goosefeather, Ivykit you will be known as Ivypaw and your mentor will be Greyfang and Amberkit you will be known as Amberpaw and your mentor will be Redpoppy." decided Acornstar.
"Excuse me Acornstar, but I would like to follow in the pawprints of Florafur," squeaked Amberpaw.
"Well then Amberpaw your mentor will be Florafur. May StarClan light your path!" mewed Acornstar.