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OA is Kelly Clarkson.


There's a place that I know,

There's one place you'd never want to intrude on in your life.

It's my mind.

It's not pretty there and few have ever gone,

Trust me, it's not a pretty place. It's chock-full of terrifying, haunted memories of a life. My life.

If I show it to you know,

Will it make you run away,

It's enough to make any cat run away screeching. Personally, I'm happy to scar them. Except for one cat.

His name is Redflame.

Or will you stay,

Even if it hurts,

"Redflame!" I call to him as I padded across the camp. He smiles and bounds over to me, our tails twining together.

"Icedapple! How's the hunting?" he asks. His voice is so clear and beautiful. I could bask in it forever.

"Good. I caught three rabbits," I reply, nuzzling his cheek affectionately.

He purrs. "You sure are an amazing hunter. ThunderClan must really want you back in their Clan!"

I flinch. I don't like to be reminded of my birth Clan. ThunderClan. The name makes me want to rip someone's eyes out. They're the reason that I was a rogue and had to be taken in by WindClan. They're the reason I'm hated and feared by everyone. Except for Redflame.

I try to continue with the conversation, but instead feel a wave of naseau. "I need to lay down for a minute," I croak. Readflame's concerned green eyes follow my movements back to the warriors den.

Even if I try to push you out, will you return?

A few minutes later, he pokes his head into the warriors den. "Icedapple, I'm sorry about what I said," he meows, his eyes pools of sympathy and sorrow.

I grunt. "I'm fine, just need some rest." He continues to stand there, and I start to get irritated. Can't he see that I need some alone time after his innocent little comment? "Go!" I hiss. A fresh wave of red anger enters my brain, and I fight it back. He turns on walks off.

And remind me who I really am,

A few minutes later, with my head clear, I walk out of warriors den. It's time to tell Redflame why I was exiled. What if he never talks to me again? What if he thinks I'm a monster? I force these thoughts out of my head as I pad up to him.

"Redflame?" I meow tentitavely. He turns his head.

"Yes?" he meows. I can hear no anger in his voice at my earlier anger spurt.

I lean in towards his ear, and lower my voice. "Come with me."

He follows me out of the camp. We stop and roll in the springy heather to conceal our scent. With me in the lead, we quickly pad out of WindClan territory. I stop, and sit down, trying to catch my breath. "Redflame," I start, "it's time you learned a secret about me."

Redflame slowly nods. "Okay."

"Are you sure? It's not pretty."

"Yes."

I suck in a breath of air, trying to find the right words for what I'm going to say. I'm about to start with a composed manner when evrything suddenly starts to spill out. "My mom wasn't born in ThunderClan and everyone hated me for it, especially this one apprentice named Volepaw. So I-I-I... killed him." I stop and stare at the ground, not wanting to see Redflame's face. Why did I tell him? Why was I so stupid? Now he'll hate me and fear me for the rest of his life. The only thing I've ever wanted ever since I've been in WindClan-his love- is gone. Poof.

I feel tears bubble in my eyes, and I look up at his face. Redflame's beautiful face is distorted with expressions of horror. The tears spill over.

Please remind me who I really am,

"I'm sorry..." I say it so quietly I can barely hear it myself. More tears come, and I find myself on the ground, sobbing into the brittle grass. Redflame doesn't move. I sob even harder.

Everybody's got a dark side,

I blink back my tears, and sit up to face him. "Redflame?" I meow quietly. He looks at me, but this time his eyes have a panicked look, like a cornered animal.

"Yes?" he replies slowly, eyeing me.

I shake my head slowly. "Let's just forget this conversation," I mumble. He pads away, but I stay right there, staring at the grass wet from my tears. Great. I just blew it all. Now he'll never have any feelings for me- besides fear.

Then I get angry. Why couldn't he just accept me? Everyone has a dark side. I bet he does too.

Do you love me? Can you love mine?

You know what? Forget it. I don't need him or his love. I'll do just fine by myself.

Nobody's a picture perfect,

But we're worth it, you know that we're worth it,

Nobody's picture perfect! He isn't! Not one Clan cat that ever existed is! I hiss, and score the ground with my claws. I'm not gonna be his 'perfect little kitty'. He'd better keep on looking.

Will you love me? Even with my dark side?

He can find another mate, for all I care. Going around passing every she-cat that he sees his heart.

I leap into a nearby tree, and fall asleep.

Like a diamond from black dust,

When I wake up, I think about my choices. Should I go back to WindClan? Not for him, at least. But for everyone else.

But then it hits me- why even bother? Nobody there respects me. They all hate me. I'd do them a favor and get out of there lives. No, I'm not going back. StarClan no!

It's hard to know what it can become,

I think about myself as a kit. So hopeful, filled with so many dreams, having the world wrapped around my paw. Having friends. Not knowing my future. Ah, sweet ignorance. What I wouldn't give to have it back.

A few give up,

So don't give up on me,

That day, for some reason, Redflame keeps coming back to my mind. His fox-colored fur, his thick, soft tail, those intelligent, caring green eyes... I push him away. Why do I still care about him? He's given up on me. I'll give up on him. But he keeps filling my mind.

Please remind me who I really am,

If he can't take who I really am, fine. Just fine.

Everybody's got a dark side,

Do you love me? Will you love mine?

Those eyes.... they haunt me all day. Even when I settle in the tree to go to sleep, they're still there. Watching. Waiting.

I think about when I killed Volepaw. Feeling his blood on my tongue... the fear in his eyes... I quickly shove the memory away. It haunts me all night.

Maybe... maybe being a perfect little kitty isn't so bad.

Nobody's a picture perfect,

But we're worth it, you know that we're worth it,

Sure, I'm not perfect. I just wish I was in his eyes. Worth something. Worth anything.

Will you love me? Even with my dark side?

I find myself wishing Redflame was by my side. Wishing I could see that fox-red pelt. Feel his thick, soft tail. See those green eyes.

Don't run away, don't run away,

Just tell me that you will stay,

That night, I have a dream. I'm chasing Redflame through an endless forest. Don't ask me how I know- I just do. Finally, I catch him, and he nuzzles me. I nuzzle him back. And them I'm staring into his eyes- his green eyes.

Promise me you will stay,

Don't run away, don't run away,

Just promise me you will stay,

I wake up crying. I wish he would stay. To not run away from me like every other cat I've met.

Promise me you will stay.

And then I realize it. I love him- I still do. And like never before.

Will you love me?

I love him. I just wish he would love me back.

Everybody's got a dark side,

I wish he could see past my dark side. Go all the way down to see who I really am.

Do you love me? Can you love mine?

Does he love me too? I sigh. Yeah, maybe in some demented fantasy. A tiny sliver of hope blossoms inside of me.

Nobody's a picture perfect,

I'm not perfect by a long shot. And he isn't either. But hey, maybe being a good, perfect kitty isn't all it's cracked up to be. I look up and trace the stars with a paw.

But we're worth it, you know that we're worth it,

I smile. He's worth it. He's so worth it. Maybe I'm woth it to him too.

Will you love me?

Even with my dark side?

I stare up at the stars, smiling. StarClan, I love Redflame. Please let him love me back. Closing my eyes, I drift into a dreamless sleep. Maybe he will love me... even with my dark side.

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