Part of the Warriors Speak series
Unwanted Kits[]
I am Crowfeather of WindClan. I was the stubborn apprentice who fell for a RiverClan cat on the journey to the lake. From the minute Feathertail died, I thought I would never love again. But I did. And it was wrong in every way and we both knew it.
Leafpool was amazing; she was kind, compassionate and caring. She never knew I felt for her until I saved her from falling of the lip of the rock, and then she realised. I saw her from a distance at Gatherings but she would never notice me staring. But then she did.
Leafpool always seemed scared, because she was a medicine cat. Then I thought that we should run away together, start a new life outside the clans. Now, I think that that was a stupid idea, but we were young and confused about life.
We did, but then ThunderClan needed Leafpool and she chose her Clan over me. I was disgusted, I ignored her, never spoke to her, avoided eye contact. Then she told me she was expecting kits.
Then I went really mad. I lost track of life and pushed Leafpool out of my mind, I forced myself to forget about her and the illegal kits. So I found a new mate, Nightcloud. I never really loved her like I loved Leafpool, and Breezepelt was a cocky, arrogant son.
I wasn't the least suprised when he fought for the Dark Forest. Because Nightcloud thought I still loved Leafpool, she was always stressy, irritable and angry with me. I guess Breezepelt picked that up from her.
Then, the me and Nightcloud fought a lot. We argued about Leafpool and how I still loved her. I still did, but I said, no, I love you Nightcloud. She was only ever satisfied with that answer. One gathering, I saw Hollyleaf, Jayfeather and Lionblaze from a distance. They were so strong, so confident, and then I felt proud of them, but only for a few seconds. Then Nightcloud saw me staring. She tore my claw as a punishment for breaking my promise to love only her.
Once, I was training Breezepelt. I was teaching him a move and the he suddenly swiped at me. 'Leave me alone!' he snarled. 'I don't need your help!' My fur bristled. 'You are here to learn!' I said. 'Not to argue!' Breezepelt paced up and down, his eyes glittering. 'A force is rising, Crowfeather. And you will be the first I kill.'
The next gathering was terrible. Hollyleaf stood up and told the truth about me and Leafpool's kits. I was outraged then. My Clan didn't trust me after that. I had to work my way up all over again, regain everyone's trust, fight the best in battles, but most importantly, ignore everyone who I loved in ThunderClan.
It saddened me deeply to see Leafpool give up her job as a medicine cat. Then, in a skirmish on the border, Lionblaze and Breezepelt began to fight. I let them. What was the point? I didn't love my own son, the son who was in my Clan and following the Warrior Code. I don't think I will care when he dies before I do.
Then Hollyleaf returned. it delighted me to see her alive, but I didn't show it. She is my daughter, but Nightcloud wouldn't let me care for any of my kits other than Breezepelt. So I spoiled him, gave him the best fresh kill, made sure he learned all the best battle moves just to prove to Nightcloud that she and Breezepelt were more important that any other cat. I wasted my life on a stupid kit who turned to the Dark Forest and fought for them. Nightcloud encouraged Breezepelt to hate me.
When the final battle came, I fought for Leafpool, not for anyone else. I fought for the dead Feathertail, who was watching and battling with me. I didn't think of Nightcloud or Breezepelt. They don't mean anything to me anymore.
And then Hollyleaf died. I mourned for her. She was my only daughter, my precious daughter. I hope she is well in StarClan. Breezepelt tried to kill Lionblaze. I pulled him off, anger pulsing through my veins. 'Get off!' I roared. 'Get out, Breezepelt, out!' He was scared then, and he ran. I am glad of that. I turned to Leafpool.
She flinched. I said. 'But it wasn't meant to be.' Leafpool looked at me, her eyes watery. 'I will love you, always, Crowfeather,' she whispered once we had some privacy.
'I will see you when StarClan calls me.' I looked at her, a sadness passing over my expression. 'We will meet again and we will hunt,' I said. 'But until then, I will miss you.'
There was sorrow in Leapool's eyes. 'Maybe if we stayed together-'
I cut her off. 'Too much water under the bridge,' I said. 'You made your desicion many moons ago.'
She stared at me, sorrow clouding her eyes. 'I will never stop loving you Crowfeather, never.'
I purred weakly. 'I told you; you chose your Clan over me.' I breathed in her herby scent, which was tinged with regret and sorrow. 'But I am proud of her kits.'
Now it was Leafpool's turn to purr. 'They are strong cats.' She paused. 'Do you ever regret anything, Crowfeather?' I touched her spine with the tip of my tail. This time she didn't shrug me off. 'No,' I mewed. 'I don't regret anything.'