This book is about many death shorts and just crackfic in general, i hope you will request some in the comments, it is very convenient!
this book may make you laugh your head off. Read at your own risk!
Spottedleaf and Thistleclaw
Spottedleaf: *sleeps and wakes up in dark forest*
Thistleclaw: hi! Hey, Mapleshade! This is my new girlfriend, since my wife was hit by a monster.
Mapleshade: she's pretty, but, I think she will die soon.
Spottedleaf: 'shocked' where am i?! And why are you telling my death?!
Mapleshade: *smacks Spotterleaf* he's mine!
Spottedleaf: Er... I am living, you... I am sorry, but newsflash! Your dead!
Mapleshade: *Kills Spottedleaf* now you are too.
Thistleclaw: *Kills himself* now I am too!
Heathertail and Cinderheart
In closet. . . . . .
Cinderheart: I don't know what you are doing with my mate?!
Heathertail: your formor mate.
Cinderheart: what?! *slaps Heather across her face*
Heathertail: well, that hurt... *rubs face*
Heathertail: why did you have kits with Lionblaze?!
Cinderheart: *clears throat* well. . .
Heathertail: here we go.
Cinderheart: blah blah blah blah blah blah. . . BLAH!!!
Heathertail: I am out. I never liked him enyway. *struts out*
Cinderheart: *smiles. * it always works!
Breezepelt and Lionblaze
Lionblaze: hey, bro! *shakes paws with Breezepelt*
Lionblaze: did ya know we both trained under Tigerstar in the dark forest?
Breezepelt: O_O you did too?! How cool!!! 6 =}
Lionblaze: yup. . . Anything to talk about?
Breezepelt: nope.... Play fight?
Breezepelt and Lionblaze: *tumble and play*
Squirrelflight and Ashfur
Squirrelflight: sorry, Ashfur, but I don't love you anymore. . .
Squirrelflight: I am going to say Leafpool's kits are mine and trick Brambleclaw.
Squirrelflight: your not mad?
Ashfur: of course I am!
Squirrelflight: should I kill you?
Ashfur: I don't even care.
Squirrelflight: OK!!! *Kills Ashfur*
Crowfeather and his mates
Crowfeather: I need to chose....
Leafpool: I WILL GIVE YOU MORE KITS AND KITS WHO DON'T HATE YOU!!! *GLARES AT NIGHTCLOUD*
Nightcloud: I DON'T CARE, WHO YOU CHOSE, I GOT WHAT I WANTED OUT OF YOU!
Leafpool: YAY! HE'S MINE NOW! *PULLS CROWFEATHER OVER AND KISSES HIM*
Feathertail: NUU! *GRABS CROWFEATHER AND STARTS TO KISS HIM*
Crowfeather: I could get used to this!
A DAY LATER:
Crowfeather: HELP MEEEE!!!!!!! *GETS DRAGGED INTO CLOSET BY LEAFPOOL*
Firestar: *dances on Tigerstar's body*
Brambleclaw: OMG! you killed my father!
Tree: *Smashes Firestar*
Brambleclaw: hehe... I am leader... Heeheehehehhe!!!!!
Winterstorm and Hankheart (OCS)
Winterstorm: Hankheart! Can you be my mate?
Hankheart: Err.... I am mates with CloverClan's leader's mate.
Winterstorm: Loveheart? But she just have birth-
Hankheart: to my kit.
Buddyheart and Sweetheart (OCS)
Buddyheart: Hello, my kit.
Sweetheart: Err.... Hello.
Buddyheart: Rainfur ask for your paw in mateship.
Buddyheart: so I told him no.
Timberwish and Fernwish (OCS)
Timberwish: I hope you have a fun time here in TexasClan!
Fernwish: will you be may mate?I
Timberwish: Oh, NO!!
Fernwish: why not?
Timberwish: *smacks Fernwish*
Dovewing and Ivypool
Dovewing: wake up!!! *shakes Ivypool*
Ivypool: *wakes up*
Dovewing: ah! Is that a claw mark?!
Dovewing: yes it is!
Ivypool: fine! I've been training with the Dark Forest, who you are against.
Ivypool: don't give me that look! *smacks Dovewing*
Dovewing: I've been going out with Tigerheart!
Brambleclaw: *smashes stick into Hawkfrost's throat*
Hawkfrost: yay! Thanks, bro! Now I can ALWAYS train with dad! *dies*
And there you have it, fokes! That's how the Dark Forest attack began!
Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost (kits)
Bramblekit: *shoves a stick into Hawkkit's ear* whoops!
Hawkkit: Mommmmmyyy! Bramblekit shoved a stick into my ear!
Bramblekit: did not!
Hawkkit : lier!!!
Bramblekit: so if I did? You will still get killed by me twice!
Hawkkit: . . . . . . . . Wahwah!
(Sorry this one was lame..
Mothflight and her kits
Mothflight: hey, my loves!
Kits: hi, mommy!
Mothflight: I love you guys so much... WELL, COME ON! LET'S GO, KITS! I AM GIVEN Y'ALL AWAY! *trots to camp entrance*
Kits: . . . 0-0
Tawnypelt and Rowanclaw
Rowanclaw: How are my kits and mate?
Tawnypelt: I know of some names..
Rowanclaw: oh yes?
Tawnypelt: Dawnkit.... Flamekit....
Tawnypelt: remember my father?
Tawnypelt: Tigerkit-in honor of him, so Tigerkit will train in the dark forests.
Bluefur, Oakheart, and Thrushpelt
Bluefur: Hey, Thrushpelt! Guess what!
Thrushpelt: *smiles up hopefully* what?
Bluefur: I am expecting kits!
Thrushpelt: *thinks... 0-0 I never mated with you...* Whos?
Thrushpelt: Oakheart from RiverClan?! 0-0
Bluefur: *calls Oakheart over*
Oakheart: *appears and places his tail on her belly* hi! Isn't wonderful?
Thrushpelt: :( *smacks Oakheart*
Firestar and Spottedleaf
Firestar: Spottedleaf! Guess what!
Firestar: I got a new mate!
Spottedleaf: 0-0 who? I kill!
Sandstorm: *appears and places her tail around Firestar's neck*
Firestar: here is my new mate.
Spottedleaf: *smacks Sandstorm*
Firestar: Soo, I don't love you eny more.
Spottedleaf: *smacks Sandstorm more*
Sandstorm: *smacks Spottedleaf*
Spottedleaf: huh! What do you have that I don't?!
Squirrelkit and Leafkit: *appear*
Spottedleaf: kill me now.
Squirrelkit: ok! *Kills Spottedleaf*
Thank you to Owlmask a inspiration.
Loveheart, Hankheart, and Stormstar (OCS)
Loveheart: hi, Stormstar!
Stormstar: Hi, Loveheart! Can you come with me to meet Hankheart?
Loveheart+Stormstar: *trot to RoseClan territory*
Hankheart: hi! *Kills Stormstar*
Loveheart: yay! New mate!
Oakheart, Rainflower, and Crookedjaw
Oakheart: hey, brother! I have something to say!
Crookedjaw: *trots over* what's up?
Rainflower: hi, my ugly kit.
Crookedjaw: hi, nasty mom!
Oakheart: you are the reason Rainflower and our father broke up!
Crookedjaw: *looks at the ground* everycat hates me.
Rainflower: he got something right! *elbows Oakheart*
Oakheart: *mutters something under his breath.*
Rainflower: I hate the ugly kit I had, but his kit is going to be pretty, she will have kits with Greystripe, then die.
Crookedjaw: *smacks Rainflower*
Sirlace and Elroyface (OCS)
Sirlace: hi, bro!
Elroyface: err.. See u soon!
Sirlace: oh. . .
Elroyface: *races off* bye, nerd!
Sirlace: I am hated. *smacks himself*
Goldenflower and Tigerclaw
Tigerclaw: hello, girl who have birth to my kits.
Tigerclaw: well, I hope my kits well, not you.
Tigerclaw: well, I am off to flirt with Leopardstar. . . And a kittypet.
Tigerclaw: ok, bye!
Goldenflower: *watches him leave* Fireheart! Help me kill Tigerclaw! ! !
Fireheart: OK! ! !
Goldenflower: -_- the hunt begins!
Bramblestar, Squirrelflight, Leafpool, and kits
Brambleclaw: hey, Squirrelflight! I found DNA tests! Let's try em on Hollykit, Jaykit, and Lionkit!
Squirrelflight: 0-0 great.
Leafpool: Nuu! *swacks DNA test away from Bramble*
Brambleclaw: Wow! I have nothing to live for now. . .
Brambleclaw: Woops. . . *hides from Squirrelflight*
Author's talk (1)
Hi! Thank you for reading this long! These crackfics are by Texaswild. If you have a request, please place them in the Comments! I am running out of ideas.