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This book is about many death shorts and just crackfic in general, i hope you will  request some in the comments, it is very convenient!



WARNING!!!

this book may make you laugh your head off. Read at your own risk!



Spottedleaf and Thistleclaw

Spottedleaf: *sleeps and wakes up in dark forest*

Thistleclaw: hi! Hey, Mapleshade! This is my new girlfriend, since my wife was hit by a monster.

Mapleshade: she's pretty, but, I think she will die soon.

Spottedleaf: 'shocked' where am i?! And why are you telling my death?!

Mapleshade: *smacks Spotterleaf* he's mine!

Thistleclaw: 0-0

Spottedleaf: Er... I am living, you... I am sorry, but newsflash! Your dead!

Mapleshade: *Kills Spottedleaf* now you are too.

Thistleclaw: *Kills himself* now I am too!



Heathertail and Cinderheart 

In closet. . . . . .

Cinderheart: I don't know what you are doing with my mate?!

Heathertail: your formor mate.

Cinderheart: what?! *slaps Heather across her face*

Heathertail: well, that hurt... *rubs face*

Cinderheart: good!

Heathertail: why did you have kits with Lionblaze?! 

Cinderheart: *clears throat* well. . .

Heathertail: here we go.

Cinderheart: blah blah blah blah blah blah. . . BLAH!!!

Heathertail: I am out. I never liked him enyway. *struts out*

Cinderheart: *smiles. * it always works!


Breezepelt and Lionblaze

Lionblaze: hey, bro! *shakes paws with Breezepelt*

Breezepelt: ounch....

Lionblaze: did ya know we both trained under Tigerstar in the dark forest?

Breezepelt: O_O you did too?! How cool!!! 6  =}

Lionblaze: yup. . . Anything to talk about?

Breezepelt: nope.... Play fight?

Lionblaze: OK!!

Breezepelt and Lionblaze: *tumble and play*

Squirrelflight and Ashfur 

Squirrelflight: sorry, Ashfur, but I don't love you anymore. . .

Ashfur: why?!

Squirrelflight: I am going to say Leafpool's kits are mine and trick Brambleclaw.

Ashfur: ok.

Squirrelflight: your not mad?

Ashfur: of course I am! 

Squirrelflight: should I kill you?

Ashfur: I don't even care.

Squirrelflight: OK!!! *Kills Ashfur*


Crowfeather and his mates

Crowfeather: I need to chose....

Feathertail: ME!!!

Leafpool: I WILL GIVE YOU MORE KITS AND KITS WHO DON'T HATE YOU!!! *GLARES AT NIGHTCLOUD*

Nightcloud: I DON'T CARE, WHO YOU CHOSE, I GOT WHAT I WANTED OUT OF YOU!

Crowfeather: 0-0

Leafpool: YAY! HE'S MINE  NOW! *PULLS CROWFEATHER OVER AND KISSES HIM*

Feathertail: NUU! *GRABS CROWFEATHER AND STARTS TO KISS HIM*

Crowfeather: I could get used to this!



A DAY LATER:




Crowfeather: HELP MEEEE!!!!!!! *GETS DRAGGED INTO CLOSET BY LEAFPOOL*

Firestar's death

Firestar: *dances on Tigerstar's body*

Brambleclaw: OMG! you killed my father!

Tree: *Smashes Firestar*

Brambleclaw: hehe... I am leader... Heeheehehehhe!!!!!



Winterstorm and Hankheart (OCS)

Winterstorm: Hankheart! Can you be my mate?

Hankheart: Err.... I am mates with CloverClan's leader's mate.

Winterstorm: Loveheart? But she just have birth- 

Hankheart: to my kit.

Winterstorm: 0-0


Buddyheart and Sweetheart (OCS)

Buddyheart: Hello, my kit.

Sweetheart: Err.... Hello.

Buddyheart: Rainfur ask for your paw in mateship.

Sweetheart: Yay!

Buddyheart: so I told him no.

Sweetheart: 0-0



Timberwish and Fernwish (OCS)

Timberwish: Welcome!

Fernwish: hi!

Timberwish: I hope you have a fun time here in TexasClan!

Fernwish: will you be may mate?I

Timberwish: Oh, NO!!

Fernwish: why not?

Timberwish: *smacks Fernwish*


Dovewing and Ivypool

Dovewing: wake up!!! *shakes Ivypool*

Ivypool: *wakes up*

Dovewing: ah! Is that a claw mark?!

Ivypool: no...

Dovewing: yes it is!

Ivypool: fine! I've been training with the Dark Forest, who you are against.

Dovewing: 0-0

Ivypool: don't give me that look! *smacks Dovewing*

Dovewing: I've been going out with Tigerheart!

Ivypool: 0-0

Dovewing: whoops!

Hawkfrost's death

Hawkfrost: balboa-

Brambleclaw: *smashes stick into Hawkfrost's throat*

Hawkfrost: yay! Thanks, bro! Now I can ALWAYS train with dad! *dies*

And there you have it, fokes! That's how the Dark Forest attack began!

Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost (kits)

Bramblekit: *shoves a stick into Hawkkit's ear* whoops!

Hawkkit: Mommmmmyyy!  Bramblekit shoved a stick into my ear!

Bramblekit: did not!

Hawkkit : lier!!!

Bramblekit: so if I did? You will still get killed by me twice!

Hawkkit: . . . . . . . . Wahwah!

(Sorry this one was lame..

Mothflight and her kits

Mothflight: hey, my loves! 

Kits: hi, mommy!

Mothflight: I love you guys so much... WELL, COME ON! LET'S GO, KITS! I AM GIVEN Y'ALL AWAY! *trots to camp entrance*

Kits: . . .  0-0



Tawnypelt and Rowanclaw 

Rowanclaw: How are my kits and mate?

Tawnypelt: I know of some names..

Rowanclaw: oh yes?

Tawnypelt: Dawnkit.... Flamekit....

Rowanclaw: and...?

Tawnypelt: remember my father?

Rowanclaw: yes...

Tawnypelt: Tigerkit-in honor of him, so Tigerkit will train in the dark forests.

Rowanclaw: 0-0

Tigerkit: 0-0

Dawnkit: 0-0

Flamekit: 0-0

Bluefur, Oakheart, and Thrushpelt

Bluefur: Hey, Thrushpelt! Guess what!

Thrushpelt: *smiles up hopefully* what?

Bluefur: I am expecting kits!

Thrushpelt: *thinks... 0-0 I never mated with you...* Whos?

Bluefur: Oakheart's 

Thrushpelt: Oakheart from RiverClan?! 0-0

Bluefur: *calls Oakheart over* 

Oakheart: *appears and places his tail on her belly* hi! Isn't wonderful?

Thrushpelt: :(  *smacks Oakheart*

Firestar and Spottedleaf

Firestar: Spottedleaf! Guess what!

Spottedleaf: what?

Firestar: I got a new mate!

Spottedleaf: 0-0 who? I kill!

Sandstorm: *appears and places her tail around Firestar's neck*

Firestar: here  is my new mate.

Spottedleaf: *smacks Sandstorm*

Firestar: Soo, I don't love you eny more.

Spottedleaf: *smacks Sandstorm more*

Sandstorm: ouch!

Spottedleaf: haha!

Sandstorm: *smacks Spottedleaf*

Spottedleaf: huh! What do you have that I don't?!

Sandstorm: kits.

Squirrelkit and Leafkit: *appear*

Spottedleaf: kill me now.

Squirrelkit: ok! *Kills Spottedleaf*



Thank you to Owlmask a inspiration.

Loveheart, Hankheart, and Stormstar (OCS)

Loveheart: hi, Stormstar!

Stormstar: Hi, Loveheart! Can you come with me to meet Hankheart?

Loveheart: okay!

Loveheart+Stormstar: *trot to RoseClan territory*

Hankheart: hi! *Kills Stormstar* 

Loveheart: yay! New mate!



Oakheart, Rainflower, and Crookedjaw

Oakheart: hey, brother! I have something to say!

Crookedjaw: *trots over* what's up?

Rainflower: hi, my ugly kit.

Crookedjaw: hi, nasty mom!

Rainflower: 0-0

Oakheart: you are the reason Rainflower and our father broke up!

Crookedjaw: *looks at the ground* everycat hates me.

Rainflower: he got something right! *elbows Oakheart*

Oakheart: *mutters something under his breath.*

Rainflower: I hate the ugly kit I had, but his kit is going to be pretty, she will have kits with Greystripe, then die.

Crookedjaw: *smacks Rainflower*



Sirlace and Elroyface (OCS)

Sirlace: hi, bro!

Elroyface: err.. See u soon!

Sirlace: oh. . . 

Elroyface: *races off* bye, nerd!

Sirlace: I am hated. *smacks himself*



Goldenflower and Tigerclaw

Tigerclaw: hello, girl who have birth to my kits.

Goldenflower: er...

Tigerclaw: well, I hope my kits well, not you.

Goldenflower:  °_°

Tigerclaw: well, I am off to flirt with Leopardstar. . . And a kittypet.

Goldenflower:  ><,

Tigerclaw: ok, bye!

Goldenflower: *watches him leave* Fireheart! Help me kill Tigerclaw! ! !

Fireheart: OK! ! !

Goldenflower:  -_- the hunt begins!



Bramblestar, Squirrelflight, Leafpool, and kits

Brambleclaw: hey, Squirrelflight! I found DNA tests! Let's try em on Hollykit, Jaykit, and Lionkit!

Squirrelflight: 0-0 great.

Leafpool: Nuu! *swacks DNA test away from Bramble* 

Brambleclaw: Wow! I have nothing to live for now. . .

Squirrelflight: Hey!

Brambleclaw: Woops. . . *hides from Squirrelflight*

Author's talk (1)

Hi! Thank you for reading this long!  These crackfics are by Texaswild. If you have a request, please place them in the Comments! I am running out of ideas.



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