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Spottedleaf: (major facepaw) |
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Revision as of 04:31, 29 November 2014
WEEK SIX, INTRUDER SPECIAL/NOMINATIONS
Rules: Intruder cannot be nominated. Cloverhill can be nominated.
Superpower Holder: Cloverhill
Voice-over: Hello and welcome to the LIVE INTRUDER SPECIAL! Please welcome your host, FERNCLOUD!
(crowd cheers; Ferncloud walks on to stage)
Ferncloud: Hello every cat and welcome to the LIVE INTRUDER SPECIAL!
Cat in Crowd #1: Have you killed the cats who evicted Spiderleg yet?
Ferncloud: No, not yet.
Cat in Crowd #1: You must! They are EVIL! THEY MUST PAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ferncloud: Righty-o, then. Anyway, back to the actual topic of the episode, who's excited to meet the new intruder?
Cat in Crowd #2: ME! ME! I WANNA MEET THEM! MEEEEEEEEEEE!
Ferncloud: Well, okay! We're getting to that quite soon, don't worry! But first, let's cross to the house to see how the housemates are dealing with Spiderleg's eviction.
(over at the house; shortly after Spiderleg's eviction)
Ivypool: Hi! (waves at camera)
Camera: Helloooo, Ivypool.
Ivypool: AAAAAAAAAH! TALKING EQUIPMENT! (runs away)
Runningwind: My love, what's wrong?
Ivypool: AAAAAAAAAAH! CREEPY STALKER! (runs away)
Rosepetal: Ivypool, wait. What's wrong. I can help.
Ivypool: AAAAAAAAAAH! KIRSTEN STEWART! (runs in to bedroom and hides in the cupboard)
Runningwind: My love, wait for me! (runs after her)
Cloverhill: (sigh) I was totally shipping Spiderfang. Speaking of Spiderfang, where has Yellowfang gone?
Spottedleaf: Why do you care? You barely know her.
Cloverhill: Um, because she seemed really upset when Spiderleg was evicted?
Thornclaw: She's probably off doing some emotional musical number or something.
(in the bedroom; camera zooms in to Yellowfang)
(music starts)
Yellowfang:
Used to talk about killing Daisy, and tearing her apart,
But now you've gone away and the only thing tearing is my heart.
Used to greet me with a friendly smile, and hate on Daisy too.
Your punches were kind of soft, but that's okay, 'cause they were thrown by you.
Why'd you have to go?
Why did Daisy have to stay?
Why, oh why, can you not take her place?
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
I miss you more with every passing moment.
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
My crystal ball did not foresee this happening.
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
Why'd you have to leave?
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
What am I gonna do?
Without you I sinply cannot get through.
You know I'm never gonna numb this,
This stabbing pain inside.
I'm gonna kill Daisy for us, so she had better hide.
It's gonna take a lot of work, but that's okay, I'm doing this for you.
Why'd you have to go?
Why did Daisy have to stay?
Why, oh why, can you not take her place?
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
I miss you more with every passing moment.
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
My crystal ball did not foresee this happening.
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
Why'd you have to leave?
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
What am I gonna do?
Without you I simply cannot get through. This is not fair!
It's not fair!
StarClan, why did this have to be?
Daisy's a dead cat!
A dead cat!
But killing her won't bring her back,
It will only make me feel good, but my pain will never go!
Oh, Spiderleg, even though it's only been a few minutes..
You've been gone for far too long!
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
I miss you more with every passing moment.
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
My crystal ball did not foresee this happening.
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
Why'd you have to leave?
Spiderleg, my Spiderleg,
What I am I gonna go?
Without you I simply cannot get through.
(dramatic key change)
SPIDERLEG, MY SPIDERLEG
I MISS YOU MORE WITH EVERY PASSING MOMENT!
SPIDERLEG, MY SPIDERLEG,
MY CRYSTAL BALL DID NOT FORESEE THIS HAPPENING.
SPIDERLEG, MY SPIDERLEG,
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE?
SPIDERLEG, MY SPIDERLEG,
WHAT AM I GONNA DOOOOOOOOOOO?
(soft finish)
Without you I simply cannot get through.
(music ends)
Yellowfang: Well that did absolutely nothing. I'm gonna go punch Daisy.
(Yellowfang leaves the bedroom)
Runningwind: (from inside the cupboard) BOOOOOO!
Ivypool: (from inside cupboard) Like you could do any better.
Runningwind: Of course I could! I could write the most amazing love song in the world!
Ivypool: Don't even think about it.
(back in the lounge room)
(Yellowfang walks over to Daisy)
Yellowfang: Hi Daisy! How are you today?
Daisy: (narrows eyes suspiciously) What's going on?
Yellowfang: (acting innocent) Nothing! Why, it's a wonderful day, and I thought I'd share the love with you!
Daisy: You're going to punch me in the head, aren't you?
Yellowfang: Yes I am.
Daisy: (sigh) Go ahead.
Yellowfang: (punches Daisy in the head) IT'S YOUR FAULT SPIDERLEG LEFT! YOU SUCK!
(on stage)
Ferncloud: Poor Daisy! We're going to take a short break now, and then we're going to introduce the intruder!
(after the break)
Ferncloud: Welcome back! It's time to introduce the intruder! Who wants me?
Cat in Crowd #2: WE ALREADY ANSWERED THAT! BRING THEM OUT!
Ferncloud: Not without any pleases, young man!
Cat in Crowd #2: I'M A SHE-CAT!
Ferncloud: Oops.
Cat in Crowd #2: You suck!
Ferncloud: Please welcome the new intruder, AVALANCHESTRIKE!
(Titanium starts playing)
(everyone glances around confusedly)
(Avalanchestrike walks out on to stage)
Avalanchestrike: (in awful singing voice) YOU SHOOT ME DOOOOWN, BUT I WON'T FAAAAALL! I AM TITANIIIIIUM!
Crowd: Booooooo!
Cat in Crowd #1: I'll shoot you down in a minute, if you don't stop singing!
Avalanchestrike: SHUT UP!
Ferncloud: Well, hello, there! You certainly made a big impression!
Avlanchestrike: (in sweet voice) Hi Ferncloud!
Ferncloud: What are you most looking forward to?
Avalanchestrike: Um... making new friends and having a new place to dance to Titanium!
Cat in Crowd #1: If your dancing's as bad as your singing, I'm gonna change the channel.
Avalanchestrike: SHUT UP!
Ferncloud: O...kaaaaay. It says here, Avalanchestrike, that you have a fear of Or-
Avalanchestrike: (slaps paw over Ferncloud's mouth) Don't say it!
Ferncloud: (gasp) It's that bad?
Avalanchestrike: (nods)
Ferncloud: Okay then.
Cat in Crowd #1: Fear of what? Oreos?
Avalanchestrike: (gasp) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (runs in to the house)
Ferncloud: (deep sigh) This show.
(in the house)
Graystripe: (tips about 15 packets of Oreos on to a plate) FOOOOOOOD! (singing) OREOS ARE SO GREAT! THEY TASTE LIKE... WHATEVER RHYMES WITH GREAT!
Spottedleaf: I hope you're sharing those.
Graystripe: Awwwww!
Cloverhill: There's, like, 15 packets worth. You can't eat them all yourself.
Graystripe: AWWWWWWW!
(sirens blare)
Big Brother: INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!
Everyone: AAAAAAAH!
Graystripe: (drops the plate of Oreos in shock) NUUUUUUUUU! THE OREOS ARE DROPPING!
(Spottedleaf grabs the plate)
Spottedleaf: There. (grabs oreo off the plate and eats it)
Graystripe: Wow, thanks Spottedleaf, I guess you're not a heartless, mean, crabby (bleep) like they say!
Spottedleaf: Who says that?
Graystripe: Social media.
Spottedleaf: Why?
Thornclaw: Can you blame them?
Spottedleaf: SHUT UP!
(Avalanchestrike runs in the house)
Avalanchestrike: AAAAAAAAAH! (pants)
Cloverhill: NEW INTRUDER, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (tacklehugs Avalanchestrike)
Avalanchestrike: Hi!
Ivypool: Why were you screaming?
Avalanchestrike: Um... no reason.
Runningwind: WILL YOU BE A THREAT TO MY LOVE!?
Ivypool: (kicks Runningwind in to the wall) Don't mind him.
Avalanchestike: O...kay.
Thornclaw: (nudges Graystripe) Offer her one.
Graystripe: (holds oreo plate up to Avalanchestrike) Oreos?
Avalanchestrike: (gasp) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (blasts all the oreos to smitherines with a laser and runs off to bedroom screaming)
Graystripe: B...but... (starts crying)
Cloverhill: (dies laughing) I like her already! xD
Big Brother: All housemates to the lounge.
(in the lounge)
Big Brother: Hey, guess what? It's time for you all to nominate.
Avalanchestrike: NOMINATE!? BUT I JUST GOT HERE!
Big Brother: Don't worry, you can't be nominated, Avalanchestrike!
Avalanchestrike: Oh, phew.
Big Brother: But you can't nominate either.
Avalanchestrike: Awww...
Big Brother: And Cloverhill can nominate and be nominated now!
Cloverhill: YAY!
Runningwind: How is that yay?
Cloverhill: Because it is.
Yellowfang: (sniffs) Can we have another one of those things where we decide who goes?
Big Brother: No, we already had one of those. Why the heck is she crying anyway?
Ivypool: Because Spiderfang will forever remain non-canon, that's why.
Big Brother: HAHAHAHAHA SUCKED IN!
Yellowfang: (shoots gun)
Rosepetal: Aaaaaaah. (dives behind couch)
Big Brother: Woah, crabby. Anyway, Spiderleg has a superpower to give out, so here he is.
(Spiderleg appears on the screen)
Yellowfang: I LOVE YOU!
Spottedleaf: It's a pre-recorded message, stupid.
Cloverhill: Why do you have to be such a judgmental twat?
Thornclaw: BURN!
Spiderleg: Hello everyone. I give my superpower to CLOVERHILL.
(silence)
Cloverhill: I HAVE THE SUPERPOWER! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'M AWESOME! PEOPLE LOVE ME!
Graystripe: Don't get too ahead of yourself.
Big Brother: Okay, Cloverhill, to the Diary Room. Everyone else, except for Avalanchestrike, go to the chamber.
(everyone but Avalanchestrike leaves)
Avalanchestrike: Wait... I'm out here all by myself! What am I supposed to do?
Big Brother: Anything you want.
Avalanchestrike: Sweet. (starts playing Titanium full blast) YOU SHOOT ME DOOOOOOOWN, BUT I WON'T FAAAAAALL! I AM TITANIIIIIIIIIUM!
Big Brother: Okay, maybe something else..
(in the chamber)
Big Brother: Okay, let's get these nominations underway! Graystripe, to the chamber.
(Graystripe enters)
Big Brother: Graystripe, who do you nominate and why?
Graystripe: (sobs) I give all 5 points to AVALANCHESTRIKE for killing my Oreos!
Big Brother: She can't be nominated.
Graystripe: YES SHE CAN!
Big Brother: NOMINATE SOMEONE ELSE OR YOU'LL BE AUTO-NOMMED!
Graystripe: NUUUUUUUU! NOT AUTO-NOM!
Big Brother: Then I'll ask again: Who do you nominate and why?
Graystripe: Fine. 3 points to CLOVERHILL because she doesn't like me at all, and I did nothing to her!
Big Brother: Accepted. You have 2 points left.
Graystripe: 2 points go to YELLOWFANG for costing our team the debate in last week's challenge.
Big Brother: Accepted.
CLOVERHILL 3
YELLOWFANG 2
Daisy 0
Graystripe 0
Ivypool 0
Mousefur 0
Redtail 0
Rosepetal 0
Runningwind 0
Spottedleaf 0
Thornclaw 0
Big Brother: Daisy, to the chamber.
(Daisy enters)
Big Brother: Daisy, nominate now.
Daisy: 4 points to YELLOWFANG for obvious reasons. The stupid cat thinks it's my fault Spiderleg left. Four others voted for him too!
Big Brother: Fair enough. Accepted. You've got one point left.
Daisy: Hmm... I'm going to give it to MOUSEFUR. I don't think she's been nominated yet, and that makes her a threat.
Big Brother: Interesting choice. Accepted.
YELLOWFANG 6
CLOVERHILL 3
MOUSEFUR 1
Daisy 0
Graystripe 0
Ivypool 0
Redtail 0
Rosepetal 0
Runningwind 0
Spottedleaf 0
Thornclaw 0
Big Brother: Spottedleaf, to the chamber.
(Spottedleaf enters)
Big Brother: Spottedleaf, nominate now.
Spottedleaf: 4 points to THORNCLAW. He sucks. I hate him. HE WILL DIE OF DEATH RELATED INJURIES!
Big Brother: I will accept for accepted-related purposes. You have 1 point left.
Spottedleaf: 1 point will go to IVYPOOL. She seems like she wants to leave, and with that creep Runningwind around, I don't blame her.
Big Brother: Accepted.
YELLOWFANG 6
THORNCLAW 4
CLOVERHILL 3
IVYPOOL 1
MOUSEFUR 1
Daisy 0
Graystripe 0
Redtail 0
Rosepetal 0
Runningwind 0
Spottedleaf 0
Big Brother: Ivypool, to the chamber.
(Ivypool enters)
Big Brother: Ivypool, nominate now.
Ivypool: For 3 points I nominate RUINNINGWIND because he's stalking me and stuff, so... yeah.
Big Brother: Accepted. You have 2 points left.
Ivypool: I'm gonna give 2 to SPOTTEDLEAF, because she's just being mean all the time and it's bringing me down.
Big Brother: Accepted.
YELLOWFANG 6
THORNCLAW 4
CLOVERHILL 3
RUNNINGWIND 3
Spottedleaf 2
Ivypool 1
Mousefur 1
Daisy 0
Graystripe 0
Redtail 0
Rosepetal 0
Big Brother: Thornclaw, to the chamber.
(Thornclaw enters)
Big Brother: Thornclaw, nominate now.
Thornclaw: I give 3 points to SPOTTEDLEAF for reasons that should be obvious.
Big Brother: Accepted. You have 2 points left.
Thornclaw: I give 2 points to REDTAIL. He was put up for nominations by the public last week, so I'm guessing he's not popular with them. He seems to be going undetected here, so it will be nice to get rid of a threat.
Big Brother: Accepted.
YELLOWFANG 6
SPOTTEDLEAF 5
THORNCLAW 4
CLOVERHILL 3
RUNNINGWIND 3
Redtail 2
Ivypool 1
Mousefur 1
Daisy 0
Graystripe 0
Rosepetal 0
Big Brother: Runningwind, to the chamber.
(Runningwind enters)
Big Brother: Runningwind, nominate now.
Runningwind: I GIVE 4 POINTS TO GRAYSTRIPE FOR BEING A CONSTANT THREAT TO IVYWIND!
Big Brother: Accepted. You have 1 point left.
Runningwind: I give 1 point to SPOTTEDLEAF because she really is mean all the time. I mean, poor Thornclaw. He did nothing to her!
Big Brother: Accepted.
TABLE
SPOTTEDLEAF 6
YELLOWFANG 6
GRAYSTRIPE 4
THORNCLAW 4
Cloverhill 3
Runningwind 3
Redtail 2
Ivypool 1
Mousefur 1
Daisy 0
Rosepetal 0
Big Brother: Rosepetal, to the chamber.
(Rosepetal enters)
Big Brother: Rosepetal, nominate now.
Rosepetal: For 3 points I nominate YELLOWFANG because she hates Daisy for no reason.
Big Brother: Accepted. You have 2 points left.
Rosepetal: For 2 points I nominate SPOTTEDLEAF because she's just mean all the time and it's annoying.
Big Brother: Accepted.
TABLE
YELLOWFANG 9
SPOTTEDLEAF 8
GRAYSTRIPE 4
THORNCLAW 4
Cloverhill 3
Runningwind 3
Redtail 2
Ivypool 1
Mousefur 1
Rosepetal 0
Big Brother: Redtail, to the chamber.
(Redtail enters)
Big Brother: Redtail, nominate now.
Redtail: For 3 points I nominate THORNCLAW because my sister hates him, which makes him a threat to my sister, because he'll nominate her.
Big Brother: Spottedleaf's your sister? o.O
Redtail: Um... duh.
Big Brother: Huh. I learn something new every day. Accepted. You have 2 points left.
Redtail: 2 points to CLOVERHILL purely because I have no idea how well liked she is with the public and I want to find out.
Big Brother: Accepted.
TABLE
YELLOWFANG 9
SPOTTEDLEAF 8
THORNCLAW 7
CLOVERHILL 5
Graystripe 4
Runningwind 3
Redtail 2
Ivypool 1
Mousefur 1
Rosepetal 0
Big Brother: Yellowfang, to the chamber.
(Yellowfang enters)
Big Brother: Yellowfang, put your paw on your forehead and let Big Brother predict your future.
Yellowfang: Um.. okay? (puts paw on forehead)
Big Brother: (rubs crystal ball) Ommmmm. Ommmmmm.
Yellowfang: IS THAT MY CRYSTAL BALL!?
Big Brother: Yes.
Yellowfang: GIVE IT BACK!
Big Brother: You weren't using it, so I claimed it. Anyway, shut up, you're distracting me.
Yellowfang: Twat.
Big Brother: (rubs crystal ball) Ommm. Ommmmmmm. Yellowfang, Big Brother predicts you will nominate DAISY for 4 points.
Yellowfang: (gasp) You're psychic! YES I AM! IT'S HER FAULT SPIDERLEG LEFT AND SHE SUCKS AND I HATE HER!
Big Brother: You need anger management classes. Accepted. You have 1 point left.
Yellowfang: One point to ROSEPETAL for being related to Daisy.
Big Brother: That's harsh.
Yellowfang: If I cared, I wouldn't nominate her.
Big Brother: Fine, accepted.
Yellowfang: Now give me my crystal ball back.
Big Brother: You're never going to use it. Why can't I have it?
Yelllowfang: GIVE IT BACK!
Big Brother: Fine. Grouchy. (hands crystal ball)
Yellowfang: Thankyou.
(Yellowfang exits, cuddling the crystal ball)
TABLE
YELLOWFANG 9
SPOTTEDLEAF 8
THORNCLAW 7
CLOVERHILL 5
Daisy 4
Graystripe 4
Runningwind 3
Redtail 2
Ivypool 1
Mousefur 1
Rosepetal 1
Big Brother: Mousefur, to the chamber.
(Mousefur enters)
Big Brother: Mousefur, nominate now.
Mousefur: For 4 points I nominate CLOVERHILL because she hasn't been up for nomination yet and that makes her a threat.
Big Brother: This is the first time she can be nominated.
Mousefur: So? She hasn't been nominated yet, which means I have no clue how she sits with the public.
Big Brother: Accepted. You have 1 point left.
Mousefur: One point to THORNCLAW because I think he's only been nominated once, and that was when he was the Mole, so I have no idea where he sits either.
Big Brother: Accepted.
TABLE
CLOVERHILL 9
YELLOWFANG 9
THORNCLAW 9
SPOTTEDLEAF 8
Daisy 4
Graystripe 4
Runningwind 3
Redtail 2
Ivypool 1
Mousefur 1
Rosepetal 1
(in the Diary Room)
Big Brother: Cloverhill, it's time to nominate.
Cloverhill: O...kay.
Big Brother: This week, you are the holder of the FABULOUS FIFTEEN superpower.
Cloverhill: AM I ON FIFTEEN POINTS!? D:
Big Brother: No, moron, you have fifteen nomination points.
Cloverhill: Oh, thank (bleep)!
Big Brother: Don't swear in the Diary Room, please. This is a family show.
Cloverhill: Fine, so I have 15 points?
Big Brother: Yes. But as well as nominating with them, you can reveal where any housemate sits on the nominations table, at the cost of 1 point per housemate. Please nominate now.
Cloverhill: Can I see myself?
Big Brother: Duh.
Cloverhill: Then I'd like to see myself, please.
Big Brother: Certainly.
(NOTE: Points and names will be in brackets as Cloverhill cannot see points of housemates she has picked to reveal.)
CLOVERHILL ??? (9)
??? (YELLOWFANG 9)
??? (THORNCLAW 9)
??? (SPOTTEDLEAF 8)
??? (Daisy 4)
??? (Graystripe 4)
??? (Runningwind 3)
??? (Redtail 2)
??? (Ivypool 1)
??? (Mousefur 1)
??? (Rosepetal 1)
Cloverhill: Seriously? The top of the table? Thanks a lot, guys.
Big Brother: What will your next move be?
Cloverhill: (sigh) This will be hard. I've got no clue how many points they have. Obviously, I need to try and get myself safe, so... hm... I think SPOTTEDLEAF has a lot of points, so let's give her 2 and see what happens.
Big Brother: Certainly.
TABLE
??? (SPOTTEDLEAF 10)
CLOVERHILL ??? (9)
Remainder of table is the same.
Cloverhill: Huh. She must have been second or something.
Big Brother: You have 12 points left.
Cloverhill: Can I see where Graystripe is please?
Big Brother: You may.
TABLE
???
CLOVERHILL ???
???
???
???
Graystripe ???
Cloverhill: Okay, I know it's the four with the most points that are up, so that makes Graystripe... either equal 5th or 6th.
Big Brother: And?
Cloverhill: I want him nominated. Let's give him 6 points.
Big Brother: Certainly.
TABLE
GRAYSTRIPE ???
??? (SPOTTEDLEAF 10)
CLOVERHILL ???
??? (YELLOWFANG 9)
??? (THORNCLAW 9)
??? (Daisy 4)
??? (Runningwind 3)
??? (Redtail 2)
???
???
???
Cloverhill: BOOM! Sucked in, Graystripe!
Big Brother: You have 5 points left.
Cloverhill: Can I reveal Runningwind?
Big Brother: You may.
GRAYSTRIPE ???
???
CLOVERHIL ???
???
???
???
Runningwind ??? (3)
Cloverhill: Well that was a waste of a point. I obviously can't get him nominated.
Big Brother: Is that good or bad?
Cloverhill: Bad! He sucks!
Big Brother: You've got 4 left. What next?
Cloverhill: I still need to get myself out... Can I see Yellowfang?
Big Brother: Yes.
GRAYSTRIPE ???
??? (SPOTTEDLEAF 10)
CLOVERHILL ???
YELLOWFANG ???
???
???
Runningwind ??? (3)
Cloverhill: Oh, she's right below me. Chuck two on her.
Big Brother: Okay.
YELLOWFANG ??? (11)
GRAYSTRIPE ??? (10)
??? (SPOTTEDLEAF 10)
CLOVERHILL ???
??? (THORNCLAW 9)
???
???
Runningwind ??? (3)
Cloverhill: Darn! I'm still fourth!
Big Brother: You've got 1 point left.
Cloverhill: Daaaaaaaaarn.
Big Brother: You need to use it.
Cloverhill: Let me see... Who's right below me? Um... Well, Daisy seems to be unpopular. Let me give her a point.
Big Brother: Certainly.
Cloverhill: Come on, come on...
YELLOWFANG ???
GRAYSTRIPE ???
???
CLOVERHILL ???
Cloverhill: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Big Brother: Oh dear. Well, you're still nominated. Nominations are over, so you'd better head to the lounge.
Cloverhill: DARN IT!
FINAL TABLE
YELLOWFANG 11
GRAYSTRIPE 10
SPOTTEDLEAF 10
CLOVERHILL 9
THORNCLAW 9
Daisy 5
Runningwind 3
Redtail 2
Ivypool 1
Mousefur 1
Rosepetal 1
(in the lounge)
Big Brother: Housemates, as you know, Cloverhill had the superpower. She had 15 points to nominate with.
Everyone: (gasp)
Graystripe: Well, I... am royally screwed.
Big Brother: But with those points, she also had the power to see where you were located on the table.
Graystripe: Yep. Definitely screwed now.
Big Brother: So, without further ado, the nominees this week are... On 11 points, YELLOWFANG
Yellowfang: SCREW YOU, DAISY!
Daisy: But Cloverhill had 15 points, not me!
Yellowfang: AND SCREW HER TOO!
Cloverhill: D:
Big Brother: On 10 points, GRAYSTRIPE.
Graystripe: Yep, knew it.
Big Brother: Also on 10 points, SPOTTEDLEAF!
Spottedleaf: B-but... how could you? I've been nothing but nice to you, Cloverhill, and this is how you repay me?
Cloverhill: I only gave you 2 points to get myself out, now shut up.
Spottedleaf: But, then... who? (rounds on Thornclaw) You!
Thornclaw: Is it any surprise?
Big Brother: And, on 9 points, CLOVERHILL.
Graystripe: HA! FAIL!
Spottedleaf: FAIL!
(everyone laughs at Cloverhill)
Cloverhill: OMSC, don't laaaaaaaugh.
Big Brother: And, also on 9 points, THORNCLAW.
Cloverhill: Are you KIDDING me?
Thornclaw: What are you on about?
Cloverhill: If I had given you my last point, I'd be safe!
Graystripe: Well, sucked in.
Spottedleaf: Pfft... Mole-ing on Cloverhill now? Pathetic.
Thornclaw: SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!
Big Brother: Okay, before we get in to a fight:
Yellowfang, Graystripe. Spottedleaf, Cloverhill and Thornclaw, at the end of the week, one of you WILL be evicted. That is all!
Yellowfang: Okay, I hate Cloverhill now.
Cloverhill: Oh, (bleep) off.
Big Brother: HEY! NO SWEARING!
WEEK SIX, DAILY SHOW
(Loud music starts playing)
Cloverhill: Ugh... shut up!
Spottedleaf: (lifts head) Who the heck is playing music at 5:30 in the morning? Thornclaw!
Thornclaw: Stop blaming me for everything! I'm over here!
Daisy: Well then, who's out there?
Yellowfang: Oh my StarClan, now they're singing... MAKE IT STOP!
Rosepetal: Nuuuu. Why won't it stop.
Ivypool: Hey, that new intruder's missing!
Runningwind: IT'S HER!
Graystripe: SHE WOKE ME UP FROM MY DREAM ABOUT CHOCOLATE DOUGHNUT MOUNTAINS! LET'S GET HER!
Spottedleaf: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(everyone charges out of the bedroom)
(in the lounge room)
Avalanchestrike: (is singing and dancing awfully) STONE HARD! MACHINE GUN! FIRING AT THE ONES WHO RUN! STONE HARD, LIKE BULLETPROOF GLAAAAAA-
(Redtail turns off the music)
Redtail: Thank StarClan!
Avalanchestrike: (stiffens with rage) Who... interrupted... Titanium?
Graystripe: Oh crap.
Avalanchestrike: WHO DID IT!? WHO INTERRUPTED QUEEN SIA?
Ivypool: (points at Runningwind) IT WAS HIM!
Runningwind: Wh-what?
Cloverhill: Yeah, him! Blame Runningwind!
Runningwind: But... it was Redtail!
Graystripe: DON'T LISTEN TO RUNNINGWIND! HE'S TRYING TO BLAME POOR INNOCENT REDTAIL!
Avalanchestrike: You! Runningwind, how could you!?
Runningwind: I didn't!
Avalanchestrike: YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES! (leaps on Runningwind and starts scratching him)
Runningwind: OWWWWW!
Ivypool: YES! A-VA-LANHE! A-VA-LANCHE!
Avalanchestrike: DIE! (repeatedly slams Runningwind's head in to the ground)
Redtail: Okay, maybe you stop now?
Avalanchestrike: HE WILL PAY! (makes a deep wound in Runningwind's stomach)
Rosepetal: OMSC she's killing him. She's killing him.
Daisy: SOME CAT STOP HER! QUICK!
Yellowfang: (tries to drag Avalanchestrike off Runningwind)
Avalanchestrike: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (throws Yellowfang headfirst in to the wall)
Daisy: Okay, as much as I enjoyed that, some cat seriously needs to stop her.
Runningwind: HELP MEEEEEEEE!
Cloverhill: I'll save you!
(everyone turns and looks)
(Cloverhill pegs an oreo at Avalanchestrike in slow motion. It hits her on the head and breaks on impact.)
(Note: "peg" is Australian slang for throwing something really hard and fast.)
Avalanchestrike: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (tries to run away but runs face first in to a door and falls over)
Graystripe: (bursts out laughing) TOTALLY WORTH IT!
Runningwind: (is bleeding heavily) (bleep) you all.
Big Brother: Jeez, what happened to Runningwind?
Runningwind: AVALANCHESTRIKE TRIED TO KILL ME!
Big Brother: Attempted murder!? That's it: Avalanchestrike, you're automatically up for nomination next week!
Runningwind: HA!
Avalanchestrike: But, he interrupt-
Redtail: That was actually me.
Avalanchestrike: (growls and crouches, ready to spring at Redtail)
Big Brother: Don't even think about it, unless you want to be disqualified.
Avalanchestrike: (huffs angrily) Fine...
Big Brother: Anyway, all of you stay in the lounge room. I bought you all a present.
Thornclaw: PRESEEEEEENT!
(5 minutes later)
Big Brother: Okay, present time!
Redtail: (bounces up and down) What is it? What is it?
Graystripe: Please be food!
Mousefur: No, that's boring. You'll just eat it all.
Graystripe: That's the point.
Big Brother: Okay, here it is!
(Big Brother brings in a fish tank)
Big Brother: Ta-da!
Cloverhill: (facepaw)
Big Brother: What?
Spottedleaf: You bought a fish.
Big Brother: Yes.
Ivypool: For a house full of cats.
Big Brother: Yes.
Avalanchestrike: Cats eat fish.
Big Brother: Yes.
Thornclaw: So why would buy a fish for us?
Big Brother: To teach you discipline.
Daisy: Discipline? We don't need discipline!
Big Brother: On the contrary. I read the synopsis for this week's episode, and it said one of you will get disqualified.
Rosepetal: Wait, one of us is getting disqualified. Nuuuuuu.
Yellowfang: As long as it's Daisy, I don't care.
Runningwind: So... why buy us the fish then?
Cloverhill: I thought you were injured.
Runningwind: Just because I was savagely injured doesn't mean I lost my ability to talk!
Big Brother: I bought the fish to teach you discipline so you don't get disqualified!
Mousefur: What's so bad about that? It means one less competitor.
Big Brother: Because if one of you gets disqualified, I have to cancel the eviction, and evictions bring in the most ratings, so that's really bad.
Avalanchestrike: Oh.
Big Brother: So here's your fish.
Graystripe: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (runs towards the fish)
Ivypool: THAT'S NOT FOOD, YOU MORON! (tackles Graystripe to the ground)
Runningwind: (eye twitch)
Cloverhill: Okay, we need to stop him from eating that thing.
Big Brother: If he eats it, he gets disqualified.
Thornclaw: Now someone has to name it.
Ivypool: ME! ME! I WANNA NAME IT!
Runningwind: Will you name it after me?
Ivypool: Of course not.
Daisy: Name it Steve!
Yellowfang: NO! Name it... uh... Not-Steve!
Mousefur: That's a stupid name! Who would want to name a fish that?
Ivypool: (climbs up to the fish tank and peers inside) Is it a boy fish or a girl fish?
Rosepetal: It's a boy fish.
Spottedleaf: How can you tell from all the way over there?
Rosepetal: I have my ways.
Spottedleaf:...Right.
Ivypool: I'm gonna call it Peter.
Fish: That's a stupid name, pick something else.
Ivypool: AAAAAAAAAAAAH! IT TALKS! (upends the fish tank; the fish falls down the drain)
Graystripe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Big Brother: You had that fish for 2 minutes...
Avalanchestrike: What do we do now?
Big Brother: Go down and get it, obviously.
Spottedleaf: I'm not doing it.
Big Brother: If you don't do it, Ivypool gets disqualified.
Redtail: Oh StarClan...
Runningwind: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! SOMEONE GO DOWN THERE!
Yellowfang: Nope. I'm not doing it.
Daisy: But then we have to listen to Runningwind cry all day, every day, for the rest of the series!
Mousefur: We'll just nominate him.
Ivypool: FINE! We'll go down.
Runningwind: I'll go! I'll be happy to lay my life on the line for you, my love.
Big Brother: Oh, no. You aren't going anywhere.
Runningwind: Why not?
Big Brother: Because if you move, you bleed. You bleed, you die. You die, I get sued. I get sued, the show gets cancelled.
Runningwind: But... my love!
Avalanchestrike: Don't even think about it! I've been waiting three seasons to come on here, and you will not stuff it up!
Runningwind: O...okay. (whimpers)
Big Brother: Right, so who's going down? (opens hatch which leads to sewer)
Ivypool: Well I kind of got us in to this, so I'll go. (climbs down the hatch)
Mousefur: And me! I need more lines!
Thornclaw: (bleep), not this again.
Redtail: You've had more lines than the rest of us combined in the past two episodes!
Mousefur: No I haven't.
Spottedleaf: You actually have,
Rosepetal: I'll go. I need more lines.
(Rosepetal climbs down the hatch)
Graystripe: There could be lost food down there! I'll go!
Cloverhill: It's the sewer, you twat.
Graystripe: FOOOOOOD! (climbs down hatch)
Cloverhill: (sigh) Someone will have to stop Graystripe. (climbs down hatch)
Yellowfang: Daisy deserves to stink! (throws Daisy down the hatch)
Daisy: AAAAAAAH!
Spottedleaf: That's mean. (throws Yellowfang down the hatch)
Yellowfang: AAAAAAAH!
Thornclaw: Well, I'd better go. I don't do much here. (climbs down hatch)
Spottedleaf: Oh no. I'm not letting you mole everyone again! (climbs down hatch)
Redtail: If anyone needs more lines, it's me. (climbs down hatch)
Big Brother: Right, so that leaves Avalanchestrike and Mousefur.
(they both head down the hatch)
Big Brother: Wait, no you don't. One of you has to stay and look after Runningwind.
Mousefur: Bye, Avalanchestrike! (climbs down hatch)
Avalanchestrike: NUH-UH! (grips Mousefur by the ears and pulls her up)
Mousefur: OWWWWWW!
Avalanchestrike: This is my first full episode. I'm not spending it up here, looking after Runningwind. while everything happens down there!
Mousefur: WELL I NEED MORE LINES, SO I'M GOING!
Avalanchestrike: DO YOU WANT TO END UP LIKE RUNNINGWIND!?
Mousefur: Someone needs anger management issues.
Avalanchestrike: (grabs nearby crutch and smacks Mousefur in the face with it)
Mousefur: OW!
Big Brother: Hey...
Avalanchestrike: (beats up Mousefur with the crutch
Mousefur: OWWWWWWW! Fine, I'll stay! I'll stay!
Avalanchestrike: Good.
Big Brother: Avalanchestrike, if you beat up one more housemate, you'll be disqualified. Understand?
Avalanchestrike: She had it coming! Everyone was sick of her going on about lines.
Big Brother: Point taken.
Avalanchestrike: (in sweet voice) Bye Mousefur! (climbs down hatch)
Mousefur: She sucks.
Runningwind: So, um... hi?
Mousefur: This is going to be a joyous episode...
(Note: if I missed anyone going down the hatch, let me know...)
(in the sewers)
Cloverhill: (calling) Fish? Fish?
Graystripe: Where is it? I'm hungry.
Spottedleaf: (sigh) You're not eating the fish, moron.
Graystripe: I'm not a moron!
Spottedleaf: You got 58 in an IQ test.
Ivypool: HA! MORON!
Graystripe: Since when have you been a douche?
Daisy: Since Runningwind made her crazy!
Yellowfang: WHO SAID YOU COULD TALK!? (punches)
Avalanchestrike: Hey, how come she gets to hurt people and I don't?
Rosepetal: Because rivalries equal ratings. Duh.
Thornclaw: Um... aren't we supposed to be looking for the fish?
Ivypool: Oh, right. (looks in random fridge) Fish? WAIT, WHY IS THERE A FRIDGE IN THE SEWER!?
Graystripe: (gasp) FRIDGE EQUALS FOOOOOOD! (runs to fridge)
Daisy: Wow, he really does have an IQ of 58.
Graystripe: FOODFOODFOODFOOD. (opens fridge) NUUUUUUUUU! THERE'S NONE HERE!
Rosepetal: Of course there wasn't going to be, moron.
Thornclaw: WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR THE FISH!
Spottedleaf: SHUT UP!
Thornclaw: (shoots Spottedleaf)
Spottedleaf: OW!
Cloverhill: What the (bleep)? You don't just shoot people!
Avalanchestrike: Says you, trigger happy psycho.
Cloverhill: (holds up oreo)
Avalanchestrike: Eeeeep!
Ivypool: That's starting to get really old.
Daisy: Hey, look, fish tracks!
Avalanchestrike: (gasp) Where?
Yellowfang: (pushes Daisy in to the water) I found them first! I'm smart! Follow me! (runs in the other direction)
Ivypool: YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!
Yellowfang: (runs hastily back in the right direction) Follow me!
(everyone follows)
Graystripe: And I'm the moron?
(the housemates have reached a tunnel which goes two directions; left and right)
Rosepetal: Great. A dead end.
Thornclaw: (takes off hat) It died so young...
Graystripe: What?
Thornclaw: She said a dead end.
Avalanchestrike: That's not even the correct term! We've reached a fork in the road!
Graystripe: FORK! FORKS MEAN FOOD! WHERE!?
Cloverhill: No, idiot, it means there are two ways to go and we don't know which is the right one.
Thornclaw: Why does this language have such stupid terms?
Spottedleaf: Never mind, we have to figure out which way to go!
Redtail: We need to split up.
Cloverhill: You've been awfully quiet.
Redtail: See what I mean about not getting lines?
Cloverhill: Ah.
Thornclaw: D-don't split up! We can make it work! I promise!
Spottedleaf: (major facepaw)
Yellowfang: It means some of us go in one way and some of us go the other way.
Thornclaw: STUPID TERMS!
Spottedleaf: Right, so who absolutely refuses to go with who? I'm not going with Thornclaw.
Yellowfang: I REFUSE TO GO WIT DAISY OR ROSEPETAL!
Rosepetal: Hey. Why me.
Yellowfang: SHUT UP, DAISY RELATIVE!
Spottedleaf: Okay, that's it? The teams are Me, Yellowfang, Avalanchestrike, Cloverhill and Graystripe, and Daisy, Rosepetal, Thornclaw, Redtail and Ivypool. Any objections?
Graystripe: I don't wanna be with Cloverhill!
Spottedleaf: Too bad., let's go.
Avlanachestrike: Hey, how come you got to pick?
Spottedleaf: I SAID LET'S GO! (the teams travel off. Spottedleaf's team goes right, Daisy's team goes left.)
(In the left tunnel)