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WEEK FIVE, LIVE NOMINATIONS/INTRUDER SPECIAL

Because you guys still can't decide, I'm doing a new poll. Who would you rather be nominated?
 
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36
 

The poll was created at 08:19 on January 18, 2014, and so far 59 people voted.

Rules: None

Superpower Holder: N/A


Voice-over: Hello and welcome to the LIVE NOMINATIONS AND INTRUDER SPECIAL! Please welcome your host, FERNCLOUD!

(Ferncloud walks on to stage)

Ferncloud: Hello, every cat! Welcome to the first LIVE INTRUDER SPECIAL!

(crowd cheers)

Ferncloud: But that's not the only reason this is live! The housemates don't know it, but for the first time in the history of Big Brother: ThunderClan, the roles are being reversed! You get to choose the nominees... and they get to choose the evictee!

(crowd cheers)

Ferncloud: Okay, seriously, is that the only way you know how to respond?

Cat in Crowd: No. We do it to annoy you.

Ferncloud: WELL IT'S (bleep)ING WORKING! SO STOP IT!

(silence)

Leafpool: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (faints)

Ferncloud: Hi, Leafpool!

Producer: She fainted, idiot. She can't hear you. Get on with the show.

Ferncloud: Right. Er... What do I do now?

Producer: Voting lines, then break,

Ferncloud: There's voting lines for this?

Producer: OF COURSE THERE IS!

Ferncloud: Right. Let's take a look at the voting lines!

(nothing happens) 

Ferncloud: Uh...

Producer: WHERE ARE THE VOTING LINES!?

Director: There aren't any. Voting lines are only allowed for evictions.

Producer: (bleep).

Ferncloud: See? I told you there weren't going to be any!

Producer: No you didn't, you just questioned it. 

Ferncloud: Shut up!

Producer: You shut up!

Director: Both of you shut up!

(Ferncloud and the Producer shut up)

Ferncloud: What do I do now, O Glorius Producer?

Producer: Ad break.

Ferncloud: Right. Ad break! Come back after the break where we'll meet the first intruder!


(after the ad break)

Ferncloud: Welcome back! It's now time for the moment we've all been waiting for! 

Cat in Crowd: THE MOMENT WHEN I GET MY TOAST OUT OF THE TOASTER!?

Ferncloud: What? No, that's stupid!

(toast pops)

Cat in Crowd: Gotta go! (runs off)

Ferncloud: Right... Anyway, the moment you've all been waiting for! THE INTRUDER IS ABOUT TO ENTER!

(crowd cheers)

Ferncloud: That's getting really annoying... But please welcome CLOVERHILL!

(nothing happens)

Ferncloud: Cloverhill! That's your queue! 

Cloverhill: I'm not going on unless you play the Canadian Nationalthem!

Ferncloud: (sigh) Fine. Producer?

(The Canadian National Anthem plays)

(Cloverhill walks on to stage)

Cloverhill: (starts singing terribly) OOOOOOO CANADAAAAAAAAAA, OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAAAAAAAAAAAAND!

(crowd boos)

Ferncloud: Finally! BUT, STOP SINGING! (slaps Cloverhill)

Cloverhill: Didn't even hurt.

Ferncloud: (sigh) Why did I spend the rest of my life in the Nursery? Anyway, how excited are you to enter the house?

Cloverhill: I'm really excited! By the way, do they have anything that's not meat in there that will provide me with the nutrition I need. I'm a vegetarian, you see. (eats marshmallow)

Ferncloud: Wait, you're a vegetarian, yet you eat marshmallows?

Cloverhill: (eats another) Yeah, so? Marshmallows don't have animal products in them!

Ferncloud: They have gelatine.

Cloverhill: (drops packet in shock) What?

Ferncloud: They do. I read it on Yahoo Answers!

Cloverhill: LIES! ALL LIES! (picks up packet of marshmallows and runs in to the house)

Ferncloud: (shakes head sadly) Some cats... are so idiotic. Let's cross to the house to see how the housemates react!


(in the house)

Mousefur: When are we going to nominate?

Rosepetal: We should be nominating already.

Spiderleg: I think something's up. Big Brother's trying to trick us!

Daisy: Wait! What week is it?

Redtail: Week five. Why?

Daisy: That means we're due for an intruder!

Yellowfang: (punches) NO IT DOESN'T! NOW SHUT UP!

Graystripe: Th-they can't do this to us! I-I I can't share my food with another cat!

Daisy: Oh, they're going to do it to us. Mark my words.

(sirens blare) 

Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Big Brother: INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!

Daisy: Told you!

Runningwind: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! ANOTHER POTENTIAL CAT TO STEAL MY LOVE! D:

Ivypool: Oh, shut up.

(everyone runs to the door)

(the doors open)

(Cloverhill enters)

Cloverhill: Hello, everyone!

Spottedleaf: Hi, I'm Spottedleaf!

Cloverhill: I'm Cloverhill!

Thornclaw: Hi!

Cloverhill: Hi!

Rosepetal: Hello, new housemate. Nice to meet you.

Cloverhill: Since when was Kristen Stewart allowed here?

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuu.

Mousefur: Yes! 

Cloverhill: Hi, Mousefur!

Mousefur: (gasp) She knows me!

Runningwind: Hey! New cat!

Cloverhill: Yes?

Runningwind: (grabs Ivypool) STAY AWAY FROM THIS CAT!

Cloverhill: O...kay?

Ivypool: GO AWAY, RUNNINGWIND!

Cloverhill: I'm scared.

Daisy: YAY! A new friend!

Cloverhill: (kicks Daisy in thead) Shut up! No one likes you!

Yellowfang: NEW BESTIEEEEEEEE! (hugs Cloverhill)

Cloverhill: YAY! Well, now I'm hungry. (eats marshmallow)

Graystripe: (gasp) You have food? SHARE!

Cloverhill: No! These are my marshmallows! 

Graystripe: (dives on Cloverhill) Give theeeeem! D:

Cloverhill: (holds packet away) NO! 

Graystripe: Give theeeeeeeeem! D:

(Cloverhill accidentally drops the packet. The marshmallows spill everywhere)

Cloverhill and Graystripe: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Cloverhill: (points at Graystripe) It was your fault!

Graystripe: No, it was yours! 

(they turn their backs on each other)

Big Brother: All housemates to the lounge.


(in the lounge)

Big Brother: Housemates, it's time for nominations, but before we do that, I'd like to say hello to Cloverhill!

Cloverhill: (jumps behind the couch) WHAT THE(bleep) WAS THAT!?

Thornclaw: That was Big Brother.

Cloverhill: (climbs back on couch) Oh. 

Big Brother: Hi, Cloverhill.

Cloverhill: Hi! 

Big Brother: Housemates. it's time for nominations. 

Everyone: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Big Brother: But you won't be nominating!

Yellowfang: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! The one moment I live for every week! D:

Spottedleaf: WHYYYYYYYYY!? D:

Big Brother: You won't be nominating because it's ROLE REVERSAL week!

Spiderleg: Huh?

Mousefur: What now?

Big Brother: Instead of you nominating and the public choosing the evictee, the public choose who is nominated and you choose the evictee!

Yellowfang: YAY! BYE, DAISY!

Daisy: (gulps nervously)

Big Brother: The public have been voting all week to decide who's up. You're all in danger. Cloverhill is exempt of course, given she just got here.

Cloverhill: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Big Brother: And now, it's over to Ferncloud!

(Ferncloud appears on the TV)

Ferncloud: Hello, housemates!

Housemates: Hi!

Ferncloud: Are you ready to see who the public nominated?

Housemates: YES!

Cloverhill: OH. NO GREETING, THEN. THANKS!

Ferncloud: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! I'M SORRY! D: HI, CLOVERHILL!

Cloverhill: Hi! xD

Ferncloud: Let's get this underway... We'll start with Yellowfang!

Yellowfang: (gulps)

Ferncloud: Yellowfang, the public have decided that you are... SAFE!

Yellowfang: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (picks up Cloverhill and spins her around)

Cloverhill: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Daisy: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Cloverhill: (knocks Daisy out)

Yellowfang: Good job, my friend!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuu. Daisy, wake up.

Daisy: Wha-? I'm awake.

Cloverhill: How did she-?

Redtail: Spoof logic.

Ferncloud: Now, I'm going to reveal one more result! We'll go with Daisy!

Daisy: I'm so going to be safe.

Ferncloud: Daisy, the public have decided that you are... Well, the entire universe knew I was about to say this. You are NOMINATED!

Everyone but Daisy and Rosepetal: WOOHOO!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Daisy: NUUUUUUUUUUU!

Spiderleg: Bye, Daisy!

Yellowfang: It was terrible knowing you!

Redtail: That's just heartless.

Runningwind: We might as well not reveal the other nominees. It's obvious Daisy's going home.

Daisy: No it's not!

Graystripe: Then explain why the Daisy haters club has over 3 billion fans worldwide.

Daisy: Um... Well...


Ferncloud: We now know Daisy is one of the four nominees and Yellowfang is safe! But who will join Daisy as a nominee? Find out after the break!


(after the break)

Ferncloud: Welcome back! Let's reveal the fate of a few more cats!

(Ferncloud crosses to the house)

Ferncloud: Hello housemates!

Housemates: Hi!

Ferncloud: I'm going to reveal the fates of 3 of you! Let's start with Graystripe!

Cloverhill: Nominated... nominated... nominated!

Graystripe: HEY! SHUT UP, FOOD HOG!

Ferncloud: Graystripe, you are... SAFE!

Graystripe: YES! THE KING OF FOOD SHALL RULE AGAIN!

Spottedleaf: What does food have to do with it?

Graystripe: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Ferncloud: Let's move on to Ivypool!

Ivypool: Nominated... nominated.... nominated!

Ferncloud: Ivypool, you are... SAFE!

Ivypool: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Runningwind: YAY! CELEBRATORY HUG! (hugs Ivypool) 

Ivypool: AAAAAAAAH! D:

Mousefur: LEAVE HER ALONE, PEDO!

Ferncloud: Let's move on to Runningwind!

Runningwind: Please, public, let me be with my Sweet Ivy!

Ivypool: I'll be Poison Ivy in a minute...

Ferncloud: Runningwind, the public have decided that you are... NOMINATED!

Runningwind: WHAT!? N-no, that must be a mistake!

Ferncloud: It's not. We checked the votes 15 times.

Rosepetal: You actually had time to do that. 

Ferncloud: Yes. Bye, now!

(Ferncloud disappears)

Everyone: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!


Ferncloud: That was fun! We now know 2 of 4 nominees, but who are the other two? Find out after the break.


(after the break)

Ferncloud: Welcome back!

Cat in Crowd: Can you hurry up and announce who's nominated? My toast is about to pop!

Ferncloud: But you've already had toast?

Cat in Crowd: I WAS STILL HUNGRY!

Ferncloud: CALM DOWN!

Cat in Crowd: Okay...

Ferncloud: Let's cross to the house!

(Ferncloud crosses to the house)

Ferncloud: Hello again! Now, if I'm correct, there are 6 of you left to reveal the fate of, right?

Everyone: Right... I think?

Ferncloud: Then let's move on! Next, we'll be revealing the fate of Spottedleaf!

Spottedleaf: Yay! Of course I'll be safe, because everyone loves me, because I'm so loveable!

Ferncloud: Spottedleaf, you're going to love this... You're SAFE!

Spottedleaf: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Thornclaw: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Spottedleaf: SHUT UP, MOLE!

Thornclaw: Okay, jeez. Someone's crabby.

Spottedleaf: I'M NOT CRABBY!

Thornclaw: Crabby.

Ferncloud: If we could get back to what we were doing, please...

Thornclaw: She's totally crabby. 

Spottedleaf: (glares)

Ferncloud: Thank you.  Now we can move on to Rosepetal!

Rosepetal: Oh no. I'm going to be nominated. I know it. Nuuuuuuuuu. I'm so nervous.

Ferncloud: Rosepetal, the public has decided you are... SAFE!

Rosepetal: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Woooooooooooooo. Awesome.

Spiderleg: (facepaw) Why doesn't my daughter have any emotion? 

Ferncloud: Now we can move on to Mousefur!

Mousefur: Yay! Me! Awesome! See, Rosepetal? THIS IS EMOTION, WHICH YOU DO NOT HAVE!

Rosepetal: Shut up. Stop making me sad.

Ferncloud: Mousefur, the public has decided that you are... SAFE!

Mousefur: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (starts dancing) Go me! Go  Mousefur! Mousefur, number one! YAY!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuuu.

Cloverhill: Why is ,that a 'nuuuuuu'? And show some emotion, for crying out loud!

Ivypool: Agreed. Your lack of emotion made me go mental in week 1.

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuu. Stop picking on me. I'm so upset. Nuuuuuuuu.

Spiderleg: (facepaw)

Ferncloud: Spiderleg, let's announce your fate!

Spiderleg: Ooooh!

Ferncloud: Spiderleg, the public have decided that you will be... NOMINATED!

Spiderleg: WHAT!? NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! WHY!? WHY!? D: 

Daisy: Is it just me, or is that the first time Spiderleg has done something interesting?

Yellowfang: (punches Daisy) SHUT UP! 

Spiderleg; Yeah, shut up! 

Graystripe: SHUT UP, DAISY!

Daisy: Why does everyone hate me? D:

Redtail: Because you suck.


Ferncloud: I agree! Okay, we have 3 out of 4 nominees, but who will be the last one? Will it be Thornclaw or Redtail? Come back after the break to find out!


(after the break)

Ferncloud: Welcome back! It's now time to find out the fourth nominee! 

(Ferncloud crosses to the house)

Ferncloud: Hi again!

Redtail: (dives at TV) WHO'S NOMINATED!?

Thornclaw: TELL MEEEEEEEEE!

Ferncloud: Okay, sheesh! Thornclaw, Redtail, one of you is nominated and the other is safe. The SAFE cat is... NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! IT'S A TIE! WHAT CAN WE DO NOW!? D:

Thornclaw: Both of us are safe?

Spottedleaf: Put them both up?

Graystripe: Forget this ever happened and eat some chicken pie?

Cloverhill: Eat an entire packet of marshmallows and not share them with anyone, especially not Graystripe?

Ferncloud: NO! Those last two have nothing to do with this, but NO! We have to have four!

Spottedleaf: REDTAIL! DO SOMETHING!

Redtail: Uh... Er...

Thornclaw: Why do you hate me anyway?

Spottedleaf: Oh, the Mole wonders why I hate it. 

Fernclolud: CAN WE JUST SOLVE THIS SO I CAN GO HOME!?

Ivypool: You have a home?

Ferncloud: YES! SOMEONE JUST END THIS!

(Thornclaw gets crushed by a giant muffin)

Thornclaw: (is knocked out)

Graystripe: (high pitched squeal) So much food!

Cloverhill: That would go perfectly with my marshmallows!

Ferncloud: Oh, well that solves it. Redtail, you're up.

Redtail: What!? But Thornclaw was the one crushed by the giant muffin! D:

Ferncloud: Yes, and that means you're up.

Redtail: How?

Ferncloud: Well, Thornclaw isn't conscious to react to being  nominated, and the reactions are the funniest part. REDTAIL IS THE FINAL NOMINEE!

Redtail: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! WHY DID THE GIANT MUFFIN OF FATE HAVE TO CRUSH MY DREAMS BY CRUSHING THORNCLAW'S HEAD? D:

Ferncloud: (laughs) Priceless. Well, I'm out. I have a home to go to.

(the link disappears)

(Thornclaw emerges from under the muffin)

Thornclaw: Wh-what happened? Who was nominated?

Redtail: Me...

Thornclaw: YES! I'M SAFE!

Graystripe: I CALL THE MUFFIN! (runs towards it)

Cloverhill: No, I do! (runs towards the muffin)

(they both reach the muffin at the same time)

Graystripe: PAWS OFF! This is mine! (slaps Cloverhill)

Cloverhill: I need it for my marshmallows! (slaps Graystripe)

(Graystripe stumbles and crashes in to the muffin. The muffin rolls away in to the nothingness.)

Cloverhill and Graystripe: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Big Brother: (laughs) I knew that giant muffin would come in handy.

Mousefur: What are you doing here?

Big Brother: I have to formally announce the nominees. 

Redtail: But we all know who's up.

Big Brother: DON'T RUIN MY FUN!

Redtail: Okay, sheesh.

Big Brother: (clears throat) Daisy, Runningwind, Spiderleg and Redtail, at the end of the week, one of you WILL be evicted. That is all.

Spiderleg: Was that worth it?

Big Brother: Yes it was.


WEEK FIVE, DAILY SHOW (Ft. Wandereringsoul & Mintleaf)

(everyone is in the lounge)

Cloverhill: (is eating a bowl of cereal) Oh my StarClan, this is so good!

Ivypool: Why are you eating that at this hour?

Cloverhill: I need to have a bowl of cereal every night before I go to bed. Don't judge.

Yellowfang: Yeah, don't judge.

Runningwind: DON'T GANG UP ON IVYPOOL!

Ivypool: (long sigh) Can someone kill him? Like, please?

Spottedleaf: I WILL! 

Runningwind: Wait, what?

Spottedleaf: KIIIIIIIIIIILL! (charges towards Runningwind)

Runningwind: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (runs out of the room)

Ivypool: I think I enjoyed that a bit too much.

Mousefur: Nonsense.

Thornclaw: I'm so bored! When is something interesting going to happen?

Graystripe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Thornclaw: I think I smell something interesting!

Daisy: Actually... I farted.

Spiderleg: EWWWWWWWW!

(Graystripe comes running in to the loungeroom, breathing heavily)

Rosepetal: Graystripe, what is it. What's wrong..

Graystripe: THERE'S NO FOOD! D:

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuu.

Mousefur: Surely there has to be!

Graystripe: THERE'S NONE! 

Yellowfang: WHAT!? 

Redtail: DISASTER!

Graystripe: (holds up box of cornflakes) All I could find was this box of cereal.

Spottedleaf: That means there's food, then.

Cloverhill: You can't have that! It's mine! I need it!

Thornclaw: Oh, Cloverhill, let him have it.

Cloverhill: NO! 

Graystripe: But I'm hungry!

Cloverhill: NO!

Spiderleg: Cloverhill, we can always get more. Plus, if he doesn't eat soon, Graystripe will just start eating anything he sees!

Graystripe: Fooooood?

Cloverhill: (sigh) Fine.

Graystripe: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (eats entire box in a second) I'M STILL HUNGRY!

Cloverhill: (bursts in to tears) MY CEREAL WAS WASTED! YOU CEREAL KILLER!

Graystripe: Er... HOW CAN I GET MORE FOOD!?

Ivypool: Um, why don't you just order a pizza to get delivered to the house?

Graystripe: (gasp) Ivypool, you're a genius! (tacklehugs) I LOVE YOU!

Runningwind: GET YOUR PAWS OFF MY FUTURE MATE! (kicks Graystripe in the stomach)

Ivypool: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (runs away)

Graystripe: Who has a computer?

Daisy: I do.

Graystripe: Yuck. Anyone else?

Yellowfang: I do!

Graystripe: YAY!

Daisy: Why am I the most hated cat in the universe?

Spiderleg: Because you suck.

Graystripe: YELLOWFANG! COMPUTER!

(Yellowfang logs on ro her computer)

Graystripe: What's a good pizza company?

Spottedleaf: I like Pizza Palace.

Graystripe: Do they deliver?

Spottedleaf: Obviously.

Graystripe: AWESOME! Do they have a site?

Spottedleaf: Yes.

Graystripe: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

(Graystripe goes on to the Pizza Palace website)

Graystripe: What can I get? What can I get? So many choices... Ooooh, the supreme looks nice! (clicks on Supreme) WAIT! I CAN ADD TOPPINGS!?

Redtail: Duh.

Graystripe: THEN LET'S ADD EVERYTHING! (adds everything to the order)

Daisy: A pizza with the lot? That's crazy.

Graystripe: You're right... I'M ADDING A SECOND ONE! (orders a second pizza with the lot)

Mousefur: Is one pizza for us?

Graystripe: NO! I NEED TWO!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuu. All I wanted was some deliciousness. Why. Whyyyyyy.

Spiderleg: SHOW SOME EMOTION! FOR THE LOVE OF STARCLAN, WE ARE SICK OF IT!

Graystripe: ALL DONE! 

Yellowfang: What time did you ask for it to be delivered?

Graystripe: 7:30.

Yellowfang: It's 7:00 now. 

Daisy: That's half an hour!

Ivypool: (slow clap) Yes. Good, Daisy! Good! Genius!

Graystripe: Now all I have to do is wait...


(twenty-nine minutes later)

Graystripe: (is hyperventilating) WHERE IS IT!?

Thornclaw: Calm down. It's only 7:29.

Graystripe: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE EARLY! I'M SUPER HUNGRY! LIVES ARE AT STAKE!

Redtail: Oh dear. 

Ivypool: Lives are at stake!? What!?

Runningwind: (wild sobbing) TAKE ME, GRAYSTRIPE! Take me and save my love!

Graystripe: What now?

Runningwind: You said lives were at stake.

Graystripe: STEAK!? Where?

Runningwind: No, stake.

(an alarm goes off)

Yellowfang: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! BEEPY THINGY! D: (runs in to the bedroom)

Graystripe: IT'S 7:30 AND MY PIZZA ISN'T HERE! D:

Mousefur: Calm down. It will get here shortly.

Graystripe: But I said 7:30!

Daisy: Have you ever read Carrie?

Yellowfang: SHUT UP! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK!

Graystripe: What is this "Carrie"?

Daisy: This girl's date for the formal promises to pick her up at 7:30 or something and doesn't come until 7:35. Point is, your pizza is coming. Even if it's late.

Graystripe: (sigh) That's a relief. I'm calm now. I can wait! Who's up for a game of UNO?

Thornclaw: Oooh, me!

Spottedleaf: I will!

Ivypool: I'd like to play UNO.

Runningwind: (bows in front of Ivypool) I will lay my life on the line for you.

Ivypool: Oh, shut up.

Spiderleg: (holds up UNO cards) I have the cards!

Everyone: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!


(5 minutes later)

(everyone is playing UNO)

Spiderleg: (puts down a red 7) UNO! WHEEEEEEEE!

Mousefur: Crap. (puts down blue 7)

Ivypool: (puts down blue 3)

Runningwind: (puts down blue +2)

Graystripe: SCREW YOU! (picks up 2 cards)

Runningwind: NO THANKS! 

Daisy: NUUUUUUUUUUUUU! I DON'T HAVE A BLUE CARD! D: (picks up card) HOW DID I GET 23 CARDS!?

Yellowfang: (puts down a blue 1) Because you suck at everything. Even card games. 

Redtail: (puts down red 1)

Thornclaw: Sorry, all I have. (puts down green 1)

Spottedleaf: SCREW YOU, MOLE! (picks up card)

Rosepetal: (puts down green 9) Yeahhhh. Woooo. I've only got 2 cards left. I'm close to winning.

Spiderleg: But I only have one card. 

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Spiderleg: Yes! One more go and I could win!

Cloverhill: I don't think so... (puts down draw 4) UNO! and Yellow!

Spiderleg: CRAP! 

Cloverhill: (hands Spiderleg a lemon) SUCK ON THAT, SPIDERLEG!

Spiderleg: But lemons are sour...

Cloverhill: SUCK ON IT!

Spiderleg: Okay... (sucks on lemon) YUCK! (vomits on Cloverhill)

Cloverhill: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! (runs to bathroom)

Graystripe: SCREW THIS! I'M HUNGRY! WHAT TIME IS IT!?

Yellowfang: Five minutes to eight. 

Graystripe: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! MY PIZZA ISN'T COMING! WE HAVE TO FIND IT!

Redtail: Oh dear...

Thornclaw: TIME FOR ADVENTURE!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuuuuu. But I was about to win.

Thornclaw: Screw that. IT'S TIME TO SAVE THE PIZZA!

Cloverhill: (runs in to lounge) I'm back! What did I miss! 

Spottedleaf: Basically, we're going to risk our lives to find Graystripe's pizza which never came even though he placed the order. So... you might want to bring a packet of  marshmallows. 

Cloverhill: Cool! I'll meet you guys in the car! (runs to grab packet of marshmallows)

Daisy: TO THE CAR!

Yellowfang: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT!


(in the car)

Cloverhill: LET'S GO!

Graystripe: SAVE THE PIZZA!

Spiderleg: Where is Pizza Palace?

Thornclaw: I have a map!

Ivypool: You'd better make sure it's not upside down again...

Runningwind: Yes! Last time you nearly killed my love!

Thornclaw: Don't worry, it's the right side up!

Graystripe: Oh, thank StarClan. Now, who's driving?

Yellowfang: (knocks Daisy out) ME!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuuuuu. How dare you.

Graystripe: O...kay. DRIVE, YELLOWFANG! DRIVE!

Yellowfang: (gets in the front seat and starts the car) GO!

Thornclaw: Left.

(Yellowfang turns) 

Thornclaw: Left. 

(Yellowfang turns)

Thornclaw: Left.

Mousefur: Um...

(Yellowfang turns)

Thornclaw: Left. 

(Yellowfang turns)

Redtail: Thornclaw, are you sure it's up the right way?

Thornclaw: (looks) Oh, wait... it is upside down. (turns map up)

Graystripe: YOU MONSTER! MY PIZZA'S LIFE COULD HAVE BEEN LOST!

Cloverhill: YOUR PIZZA HASN'T GOT A LIFE!

Graystripe: (bleep) YOU!

Cloverhill: NO!

Graystripe: What? 

Cloverhill: Never mind. 

(awkward silence) 

Yellowfang: GREAT! NOW WE'RE LOST!

Daisy: You just realised that?

Rosepetal: Ooooh. Burn.

Yellowfang: Now we're never going to find it!

(meanwhile, out on the road...)

Wandereringsoul: (is dancing in the middle of the road) La la la! I'm dancing in the middle of the road! This is so much fun! 

Yellowfang: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! RANDOM CAT DANCING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!

Wandereringsoul: (glances up at the car) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 

Everyone but Rosepetal: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~

Rosepetal: Aaaaaaaaaah.

Yellowfang: (swerves to avoid the cat) Oh, phew. WAIT, I CAN'T REGAIN CONTROL! AND WE'RE HEADING FOR A POLE! WE'RE GONNA CRASH!

Everyone but Rosepetal: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Rosepetal: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Cloverhill: Graystripe, if we die because of your pizza, I'm going to kill you! 

(they crash)


(Thornclaw stumbles out of the car)

Thornclaw: Ugh... What a massive crash!

Spottedleaf: I think we all survived.

Spiderleg: Even Daisy.

Yellowfang: NUUUUUUUUUUUU!

(everyone climbs out of the car)

Rosepetal: Stupid cat. Who dances in the middle of the road.

Graystripe: Never mind that! How will we get to Pizza Palace now!?

Spottedleaf: Um... I think we're right outside. 

(everyone looks up. There is a sign that says PIZZA PALACE)

Graystripe: Okay, now we have to blow up the store and save my pizza!

Cloverhill: Explain how that will get your pizza.

Mintleaf: Oooooh, car crash outside the store! That means customers! EEEEEEEEEEEE! (runs outside) HELLO! 

Graystripe: GO AWAY! WE'RE THINKING OF A PLAN TO BLOW UP PIZZA PALACE!

Daisy: Graystripe!

Graystripe: Crap...

Mintleaf: Oh... okay! I'll be inside ready to take your order! (goes back inside)

Redtail: What an idiot.


(outside the store)

Graystripe: Okay, plan time. Ivypool, you'll go in and flirt with Mintleaf.

Ivypool: Got it.

Runningwind: HEY! 

Graystripe: Runningwind, you'll dive at Mintleaf and distract her while the rest of us plant the bomb. Except for Daisy.

Daisy: What do I do?

Graystripe: You suck, go wait in the car. 

Daisy: NUUUUUUUUUUUUU! THERE IS NO CAR!

Graystripe: Then go sit under that tree (points to tree).

Daisy: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! (sits under tree)

Graystripe: LET'S GO! 

Spottedleaf: Wait!

Graystripe: (sigh) What now?

Spottedleaf: Didn't we do this in Season 2?

Graystripe: DARN IT! NOW WE NEED A NEW PLAN!

Cloverhill: How about we go home, wait for the pizza and then get it for free? 

Graystripe: That is the stupidest thing I ever heard!

Cloverhill: You're the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Yellowfang: BURN!

Graystripe: NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Spiderleg: How about we just ask for the pizza?

Graystripe: NO! WE CAN BASH THE CRAP OUT OF MINTLEAF! THERE! ONLY PLAN!

Redtail: (sigh) Fine.

Graystripe: IN WE GO!

(they run in to the store)

Mintleaf: Hello! 

Graystripe: LISTEN UP! I ordered a Supreme Pizza with the lot for delivery at 7:30. Can you explain why it never came?

Mintleaf: Well, hon, to do that, I'll need your order name.

Graystripe: Graystripe. That's "gray" with an A.

Mintleaf: Okay, give me a second. (types in to computer) Oh, honey bear... 

Graystripe: What?

Mintleaf: The order is set for delivery at 8:30.

Graystripe: Impossible.

Mintleaf: Soz, hon. 

Graystripe: I SAID SEVEN THIRTY!

Yellowfang: Did she just say "soz"?

Mintleaf: It says 8:30 here! There's nothing I can do.

Graystripe: YOU'RE TRYING TO KEEP MY PIZZA FROM ME!

Mintleaf: (gasps) I- I'm not! 

Graystripe YES YOU ARE! (punches Mintleaf in the head)

Mintleaf: (screams)

Spottedleaf: Uh-oh.

Mintleaf: (starts sobbing like a maniac) Why did you do that!? (holds paw to head, puts it down. There is blood on her paw.) YOU GAVE ME AN OWWIE! I'M CALLING THE COPS!

Redtail: : RUN!

(everyone runs outside and in to the car) 

Graystripe: DAISY, DRIVE!

Daisy: I can't. 

Thornclaw: (hops in the front seat) You can't do anything! Let me! (shoves Daisy to the other side)

(Thornclaw starts driving) 

Spiderleg: (looks behind) Are the cops coming?

Spottedleaf: (snorts) Relax. She won't call the cops. She's too stupid. 

Ivypool: I sure hope so!

Runningwind: As do I!

Ivypool: Actually, I hope she calls the cops.

Runningwind: As do I!

Ivypool: On second thought, I hope she doesn't.

Runningwind: As do I!

Ivypool: OH, (bleep) OFF!


(back in the shops)

Mintleaf: (dials 000, still sobbing)

Operator: 000, what's your emergency?

Mintleaf: (sobs) Some meanies came in to the Pizza Palace shop and GAVE ME AN OWWIE! i need the police!

Operator: (shocked gasp) AN OWWIE!? THAT'S HORRIBLE! I- I'm sorry, I can't believe someone would do such a thing! The police are on their way!

Mintleaf: (hangs up) Serves them right!


(20 minutes later)

(Firestar breaks down the door) 

Firestar: KING AND POLICE CHIEF FIRESTAR, TO THE RESCUE!

Mintleaf: Go away, Firestar. You ruin everything. Where are the real police chiefs?

Firestar: Um... outside. 

Mintleaf: Then GO AWAY!

Firestar: D:::::::::

(Firestar leaves)

(the real police chiefs come in)

Lionblaze: Lionblaze here, reporting for duty! What is the problem?

Mintleaf: Some mean BBTC contestants gave me an owwie!

Lionblaze: (writes down on notepad) How awful! Where were they headed?

Mintleaf: To the east. To think it was all over a pizza! D:

Lionblaze: How awful! We shall track them down at once!

Mintleaf: Thank SatrClan!

(Lionblaze leaves)

Lionblaze: What an idiot.


(back with the contestants)

(Spiderleg is speeding)

Rosepetal: Go faster. We have to get out of here. 

Spiderleg: IT WON'T GO ANY FASTER! AND FOR THE LOVE OF STARCLAN, SHOW EMOTION!

Graystripe: (is sobbing) My pizza! My pizza! 

Cloverhill: Not everything is about you! Be quiet!

(police sirens wail)

Ivypool: LOUD NOISE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (jumps in to Runningwind's paws)

Runningwind: Dream coming true! (fangirl squeal)

Ivypool: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (jumps in to the boot)

Daisy: Hi Ivypool.

Ivypool: What are you doing back here?

Daisy: Yellowfang threw me back here because I wasn't important enlough to have a seatbelt or sit near her. Her words, not mine,

Ivypool: Oh.

Spottedleaf: So... did everyone forget we just heard police police sirens, or...?

Thornclaw: There were police sirens?

Spottedleaf: Of course there were! Stupid mole!

Thornclaw: (sigh) 

Graystripe: THE POLICE ARE FOLLOWING US!?

Mousefur: And you just realised?

(they pass a gun shop)

Graystripe: STOP THE CAR

(Spiderleg stops)

Cloverhill: What are you doing, idiot!? There are police following us. 

Graystripe: Which is why we need guns. 

Redtail: But.... How are we meant to- PEPPER PEPPER UNICORN! WHEEEEE!

Graystripe: What?

Redtail: (clears throat) How are we meant to stop them from catching up to us?

Graystripe: Good point. DAISY! GO STOP THEM!

Daisy: I'M DRIVING!

Spiderleg: No you aren't, I am!

Daisy: Oh, right. (gets out of the car)

Yellowfang: Feel free to die! I won't stop you!

Rosepetal: How could you say that. What kind of monster are you.

Spiderleg: Can we send her too?

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuu.

Yellowfang: I'm going to enjoy this... xD


(out of the car)

Daisy: HUZZAH! Police, stop at once! Feel the wrath of.. Daisy!

Lionblaze: (to self) She isn't serious, is she?

Daisy: (does karate poses)

Lionblaze: I guess she is. (throws basketball at Daisy. It hits her in the head.)

Daisy: Crap! (falls down)

Yellowfang: YES!


(in the gun shop)

Graystripe: Hello, we need 30,000 guns, urgently!

Redtail: But there's, like, eleven of us. 

Yellowfang: Ten. Daisy got knocked out. 

Graystripe: Fine. 'Ten guns then.

Shop Owner: (hands guns over) $1,000 please.

Redtail: (aims gun towards owner) What was that?

Shop Owner: Er... $500, then.

Redtail: (moves paw to trigger) What was that?

Shop Owner: Er... $200.

Cloverhill: (grabs gun off Redtail and fires gun in the middle of the shop, barely missing the owner).

Redtail: WHAT THE(bleep) DID YOU DO THAT FOR!?

Cloverhill: You meant to say free, didn't you?

Shop Owner: Yes... o-of course. Free.

(the contestants grab the guns and leave)

Cloverhill: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you haggle.

Spiderleg: Wow... Cloverhill for President!

Cloverhill: Thanks. (hops in to car) Let's roll!

Runningwind: (starts rolling on the floor) 

Cloverhill: Not literally, you halfwit! I meant get in the car!

Spottedleaf: IDIOT! 

Runningwind: Stop embarrassing me in front of my future mate! D:

Ivypool: Eeeeeeep! (sprints in to car) DRIVE! DRIVE!

(Spiderleg starts driving) 

Mousefur: Um... We forgot Daisy. 

Yellowfang: DRIVE!

(Spiderleg floors it)

(Daisy wakes up and realises the car has driven off)

Daisy: Oh yeah! Real mature, guys! 


(meanwhile, back in the car)

Lionblaze: (holds out megaphone) STOP! IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE!

Spiderleg: Shut up, you Mary-Sue!

Lionblaze: (is deeply offended) I-I'm not a Mary Sue.. am I?

Cloudtail: Kinda.

Lionblaze: Cloudtail? When have you been here?

Cloudtail:Um, I've been here the whole time! Freaking Mary-Sue.

Lionblaze: I AM NOT!

Cloudtail: Yes you are.

Graystripe: DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (fires gun)

Cloudtail: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Lionblaze: They've got guns

Cloudtail: Um, we do too. 

Lionblaze: We don't, actually.

Cloudtail: Are you serious?

Lionblaze: Yep.

Cloudtail: Since when do they send us out without guns?

Lionblaze: Dunno.

Rosepetal: Why won't they stop following us. What should we do.

Graystripe: KILL THEM! 

Ivypool: But then we'll be arrested!

Spottedleaf: Ugh, give me that (snatches Graystripe's gun away).

Graystripe: HEY! D:

Spottedleaf: STOP FOLLOWING US! (fires gun)

(the bullet hits and destroys a stuffed bear)

Lionblaze: (slams on the brakes) NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! MY STUFFED TEDDY! D: (bursts in to tears). This is war!

Cloudtail: Well, what are we going to do?

Lionblaze: We're going to call 221B Squirrel Street...


(at 221B Squirrel St.)

Ashfur: (is playing guitar) Someday, we'll find it... the rainbow connection. The lovers, MY EPICAL RAINBOW COLLECTION and meeeeee!

Bluestar: It's "my epical rainbow collection and I!"

Ashfur: No, it's me! That's how the song goes!

Bluestar: It's I!

Ashfur: Me!

Bluestar: I!

Ashfur: Me! 

Bluestar: I!

Ashfur: Me!

Bluestar: I!

Ashfur: SQUIRREL?

Bluestar: What? (looks)

Ashfur: (hits Bluestar over the head with guitar)

Bluestar: OW! WHAT THE HECK, DUDE!? OW! (bleep), THAT HURT! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!? 

Ashfur: IT'S RAINBOWS AND ME!

Bluestar: (picks Ashfur up and throws him at the wall)

Ashfur: Ow!

(the phone rings) 

Bluestar: SHUT UP!

(the phone stops ringing) 

Bluestar: Thank you!

(the phone starts ringing again)

Bluestar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 

(Bluestar answers the phone)

Bluestar: WHAT DO YOU WANT!?

(short pause)

Bluestar: Oh... Hi Cloudtail... The BBTC contestants again? Why do we always get dragged back in to that darn show? Okay, we'll be there soon Bye. No, Ashfur cannot make a nachos. Bye!

(Bluestar hangs up)

Bluestar: (to Ashfur) You. wake up. BBTC Contestants. Now.

Ashfur: (sigh) Fine. 

(they leave)


(20 minutes later)

(Bluestar gets out of the car)

Bluestar: You know, I really thought I was done with this show after Season One, but at least I earn $15.000 an appearance.

Ashfur: You earn $15,000 an appearance?

Bluestar: That's what I said. 

Ashfur: Why don't I? 

Bluestar: You do.

Ashfur: Why don't I ever see it then?

Bluestar: I... may or may not have spent every single cent you earned on online shoe shopping.

Ashfur: WHAT!?

Bluestar: Sorry.

Ashfur: BUT YOU DON'T EVEN WEAR SHOES!

Bluestar: But they look so pretty!

Ashfur: I WANT MY MONEY BACK!

Mintleaf: Um... hello!?

Bleustar & Ashfur: WHAT!?

Mintleaf: GRAYSTRIPE GAVE ME AN OWWIE! (shows thewm her owwie)

Ashfur: (vomits in to nearby bucket)

Mintleaf: That's the mop bucket! Awwww. Now I have to wipe the floors with your puke!

Bluestar: Right, now we have to go after Graystripe before everyone forgets what's happening. 

Mintleaf: HEY! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE AFTER VOMITING IN MY MOP BUCKET!

Ashfur: (throws tennis ball at her head)


(20 minutes later)

Thornclaw: Heads up, guys. There's a police car behind us, and it's coming in fast.

Spottedleaf: NO THERE ISN'T, MOLE!

Spiderleg: (looks behind him) Actually, there is.

Spottedleaf: No... he's just being a...

Rosepetal: OMSC. Will you just shut up about that. (hits Spottedleaf with chair)

Ivypool: Why is there a chair in the car?

Daisy: (dies laughing) It wasn't me for once!

Yellowfang: (snatches chair out of Rosepetal's paw and hits Daisy with it)

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuu.

Ivypool: WHY IS THERE A CHAIR IN THE CAR!?

Runningwind: STOP CONFUSING MY LOVE! 

Ivypool: Oh, shut up! (grabs chair out of Yellowfang's paw and hits Runningwind with it) WHY IS THERE A FREAKING CHAIR IN THE CAR!?

Runningwind: EEEEEEE! Something touched by my love, touched me! EEEEEEEEEEEE!

Cloverhill: Um... guys? Can we just all take a moment to remember THERE'S A FREAKING POLICE CAR CHASING US!

Redtail: Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Graystripe: No way am I being arrested before I get my pizza. (loads gun)


(in the police car) 

Ashfur: (sticks head out of the window) STOP THE CAR OR I'LL SHOOT YOUR TYRES!

Bluestar: That won't work, idiot.

Ashfur: It won't?

Bluestar: No, it won't.

Ashfur: Well, what do you suggest?

Bluestar: (sticks head out of the window)

(in deliberately loud voice) Ohhhh, wow! I've got a delicious Supreme with the lot! Mmmmmmmmmm!

Ashfur: That's so not going to work.


(in the car)

Graystripe: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! SHE'S HOLDING MY PIZZA HOSTAGE!

Cloverhill: (facepaw, shakes head) Oh my StarClan... Idiot.

Thornclaw: (stops the car suddenly)

Daisy: AAAAAAAAAAAH! (goes flying through the windscreen. It smashes)

Yellowfang: (dies laughing)

Ivypool: And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we wear seatbelts.

Graystripe: Grab your guns, everybody. It's time to rescue my pizza.

(everyone gets out of the car)


(in the police car)

Bluestar: I told you that would work! (grins)

Ashfur: (gasp) Well pickle a pickle and call it a pickle!

Bluestar: That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard you say.

(Bluestar and Ashfur get out of the police car)

Bluestar: Ohhhhhh, crap, they have guns. 

Ashfur: LOWER YOUR WEAPONS AND PUT YOUR PAWS UP!

Graystripe: NOT UNTIL YOU RELEASE MY PIZZA!

Bluestar: Okay, okay... I'll get the box. 

(Bluestar grabs the box out of the car)

Bluestar: Now, come get it!

Graystripe: FOOOOOOOD! (runs for the box)

Spiderleg: This is so obviously a trap.

Ivypool: STOP, YOU MORON!

Bluestar: Get him!

(Ashfur slams Graystripe in to the car)

Ashfur: You're under arrested! 

Graystripe: NUUUUUUUU! THE PIZZA! (kicks Ashfur in the crotch)

Ashfur: OW!

Bluestar: (dives on Graystripe) STOP! The game's over, Graystripe! 

Graystripe: No it's not! (throws Bluestar's epic hat down the drain) 

Bluestar: MY EPIC HAT! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! 

Graystripe: YES! (runs for the pizza box and opens it)

(there is nothing there)

Graystripe: NUUUUUUU!

Bluestar: (evil laugh) There was never anything there! I only said that to make you get out of the car!

Graystripe: (gasp) Monster! Monster!

Bluestar: (advances slowly towards Graystripe) Now, for the murder of my epic hat, and for giving Mintleaf an owwie, you are under arrrest. And I intend to make sure you never see the light of day again!

Graystripe: Mousefur, give me my gun.

Thornclaw: (throws Graystripe the gun)

Mousefur: That was my job!

Graystripe: (fires gun at Bluestar and misses)

Bluestar: (gasp) It's on! ASHFUR! 

(Ashfur gets out gun)

Graystripe: EVERYONE... ATTACK!

Rosepetal: Yaaaaaaaaaa. (runs forward with gun and fires.)

(the bullet misses)

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuu.

Ashfur: (fires at Rosepetal, but misses)

Spiderleg: Even now she can't show emotion. Even now... (fires at Bluestar)

Bluestar: Hey! I didn't shoot Rosepetal! (fires at Spiderleg)

(Spiderleg is hit)

Spiderleg: AAAAAAH!

Cloverhill: CAT DOWN! CAT DOWN! 

(Yellowfang looks) 

Yellowfang: SPIDERLEG! NUUUUUUU! (runs to Spiderleg and grabs)

Spiderleg: Um... okay.

(Yellowfang puts him in a safe spot)

Yellowfang: Now, you wait here. 

Spiderleg: Okay.

Yellowfang: (fires at Bluestar)

Bluestar: HEY! (fires at Yellowfang)

(Yellowfang ducks. The bullet hits Spiderleg)

Spiderleg: OWWWWWW!

Yellowfang: NUUUUUU! (runs away) I'll get you, Bluestar!

Spiderleg: Okay, never mind the fact that I've been hit by two bullets now. I mean, I'm perfectly safe on my own with not even a band-aid or anything. 


(Spottedleaf and Thornclaw are standing next to each other)

Thronclaw: Die, Ashfur! (raises gun)

Spottedleaf: Stop trying to steal my shot, Mole! (knocks his paw down and fires)

(the bullet misses)

Thornclaw: You know, this is really getting old. And you missed anyway, so sucked in. 

Spottedleaf: MOLE! YOU TAMPERED WITH MY GUN!

Thornclaw: No, you just have terrible aim. (fires at Ashfur)

(the bullet hits Ashfur's epic hat and it breaks apart)

Ashfur: MY EPIC HAT! NUUUUUUUU!

Thornclaw: Uh-oh. Run, Spottedleaf! (runs away)

Spottedleaf: (crosses paws stubbornly) No. This is a trap. It always is. 

Ashfur: (fires at Spottedleaf)

(Spottedleaf is hit)

Spottedleaf: OW! THORNCLAW, YOU STUPID MOLE!

(Thornclaw turns around)

Thornclaw: How is that my fault?

Spottedleaf: You... you made me not believe you! Owwwwww!

Thornclaw: (sigh) Whatever. (runs off)

Spottedleaf: Um... HELLO!? You can't just leave me here!

Thornclaw: Watch me.

Spottedleaf: I'LL GET YOU ONE DAY, THORNCLAW!


(camera cuts to Daisy)

Ashfur: Hm... this should be easy.(runs towards Daisy)

Daisy: AAAAAAAAAH! (jumps on top of the car)

Ashfur: Come down, Daisy!

Daisy: (hisses)

Redtail: You have a gun, you know!

Daisy: Oh, I do? 

Redtail: Unless you left it in the car.

Daisy: Oh, it's right here. (picks up gun)

Ashfur: (doesn't move)

Bluestar: WHY AREN'T YOU- Oh, it's Daisy. Never mind.

Daisy: Ashfur, prepare to- AAAAAAAAAH! (Daisy trips and falls off the back of the car, landing head first in a garbage)

Ashfur: Score! (high-fives Bluestar!)

Daisy: Get me out!

Yellowfang: (notices bin) La la la la la la! Oh, is that you, Daisy?

Daisy: Yellowfang? Get me out!

Yellowfang: Okay. I'll be with you very- ("accidentally" kicks bin over) Ooops!

(the bin goes rolling down the hill)

Daisy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuu. Daisy.

Yellowfang: Sorry, Daisy! It was an accident!

(Daisy rolls away)

Yellowfang: Well, that got rid of her. (whistles cheerfully)


(the camera cuts to Runningwind and Ivypool)

Bluestar: (shoots at Ivypool) 

Ivypool: AAAAAAAAH! 

(the bullet misses)

Ivypool: Phew!

Runningwind: NO ONEHURTS MY LOVE! 

Ivypool: Oh, great.

Runningwind: (bows before her) Ivypool, I will lay my life on the line for you.

Ivypool: Okay...

Runningwind: If you want to shoot anyone, shoot me! Don't shoot my Ivypool!

Bluestar: Fair enough. (shoots Runningwind)

Runningwind: OWWWWWWW! 

Ivypool: Moron. (walks away) 

Runningwind: I DID IT FOR YOU, MY LOVE!


(the camera cuts to Graystripe)

Graystripe: YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIIIIIVE! HAHAHAHAHA!

Bluestar: (sprints after him) You stop right there, Graystripe!

Mousefur: How come I never get any action?

Cameraman: Shut up! Action! (pushes Mousfur out of the way and runs to catch up)

Mousefur: I WAS TOUCHED BY A TWOLEG! EEEEEEEEEEEEW! (runs away)

Graystripe: Just give up, Bluestar! 

Bluestar: Never! Not until you pay for killing my epic hat! (fires shot at Graystripe)

(the bullet misses)

Graystripe: DIE! (fires shot)

(the bullet knocks Bluestar's gun out of her paw)

Bluestar: Uh-oh.

(Graystripe shoots Bluestar)

Bluestar: (gasp)

(Bluestar falls down and dies)

Graystripe: HAHAHAHAHAHA! (runs)

Ashfur: (runs over) BLUESTAR! BLUESTAR! Don't you die on me! (bursts in to tears) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(toilet flushes)

(Bluestar walks out) 

Bluestar: Oh, sorry. Sorry, everyone!

Ashfur: BLUESTAR!?

Bluestar: Um... hi?

Ashfur: YOU'RE ALIVE?

Bluestar: What are you on about?

Ashfur: (shows Bluestar the dead body)

Bluestar: (bursts in to tears) MARY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MARY, WHY? WHY?

Ashfur: Who's Mary?

Bluestar: MY STUNT DOUBLE! THEY SHOT MY STUNT DOUBLE! MARY, NOOOOO! (breaks down, sobbing, over Mary's dead body)

Ashfur: So... what are you gonna do now?

Bluestar: Call for back up. I'm gonna get even with that cat.

(Bluestar runs off)


(camera cuts to Mousefur and Graystripe)

Graystripe: HAHAHAHAHA- Wait, what are you doing here?

Mousefur: Following you in the attempt to get more lines!

Graystripe: But this is my scene! 

(police car sirens wail)

Graystripe: NUUUUUUUUUUU! (runs)

Mousefur: Wait, come back! I need lines!


(in the  car)

Ashfur: (on the radio) This is Soaring Eagle calling Grand Master Showoff. Come in, Grand Master Showoff.

Lionblaze: (grabs radio and sighs) Why am I called that?

Ashfur: Because Soaring Eagle says so!

Cloudtail: How come you get such a cool name? What's my name?

Ashfur: Is that you, Nachos3000?

Cloudtail: NACHOOOOOOOS! 

Ashfur: I take it you like that name, Nachos3000?

Cloudtail: Affirmative! 

Ashfur: Grand Master Showoff, state your position.

Lionblaze: WHY DID I GET SUCH A STUPID CODENAME!?

Ashfur: STATE YOUR POSITION OR I'LL MAKE IT 124 TIMES WORSE!

Cloudtail: That's very precise..

Lionblaze: Just passed the flower shop.

Ashfur: Good. He should be nearby.

Cloudtail: I see him!

Lionblaze: Uh... Ashfur, I see two.

Ashfur: Who's Ashfur?

Lionblaze: ASHFUR, I see  two cats! What should we do?

Ashfur: I'm sorry, my name's Soaring Eagle. You must have me confused with someone else.

Lionblaze: FIne. SOARING EAGLE, we see two cats. What should we do?

Ashfur: TWO!? Who's the second?

Lionblaze: Nachos3000, who's the second cat?

Cloudtail: That would be... Mousefur.

Ashfur: MOUSEFUR!? What's she doing here?

Mousefur: GETTING MORE LINES!

Ashfur: Oh, you poor thing. Okay. Grand Master Showoff, have you got a shot?

Lionblaze: Nopes.

Ashfur: Nachos3000?

Cloudtail: Got one. 

Graystripe: NEVER! (shoots the car tyres)

Cloudtail: Crap.

Lionblaze: Crap.

Mousefur: Crap.

Graystripe: Why did you say 'crap'?

Mousefur: To get more lines, duh.

Graystripe: Well, run! 

(Mousefur and Graystripe take off)

Lionblaze: Great, now we have to walk!


(back to Mousefur and Graystripe)

Graystripe: RUN! RUN!

Mousefur: I'M TRYING!

Cloudtail: STOP! STOP NOW!

Lionblaze: I'll come and kick your tails with my awesome powers!

Graystripe: Shut up, showoff!

Lionblaze: I'm not a showoff! (shoots Graystripe)

(the bullet misses)

Lionblaze: NUUUUUUUUU!

Graystripe: HAHAHAHAHA! (runs off, Mousefur following)

Lionblaze: I can't believe I did that!

Cloudtail: Well, don't just stand there, go after them!

Lionblaze: But... I missed!

Cloudtail: Who cares... just go!

(They run after Mousetail and Graystripe)


Mousefur: They're catching back up!

Graystripe: NUUUUUUUU! What can we do to stop them? 

Mousefur: Wait, I have an idea!

Graystripe: What is it?

Mousefur: I watched Season 1, just bear with me! (pulls nachos bomb ou of bag)

Graystripe: FOOOOOOOOOOD! (runs towards bomb)

Mousefur: (backhands) It's not food, it's a bomb!

Graystripe: What?

Mousefur: It's a nachos bomb. Cloudtail will dive for it and blow up the second he makes contact with it.

Graystripe: Ooooh.

(Moustail lays the bomb down)

Mousefur: RUN!

(Mousefur and Graystripe run)


(Cloudtail and Lionblaze see the nachos)

Cloudtail: (high pitched squeal) RANDOM NACHOS! YAAAAAAAAY!

Lionblaze: That looks like a bomb.

Cloudtail: Don't be silly! Who would make a bomb that looks like nachos? 

(Cloudtail dives for the nachos)

(the bomb explodes; Cloudtail dies)

Lionblaze: CLOUDTAIL! D: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! (bursts in to tears( 

(toilet flushes)

Lionblaze: Oh, thank StarClan.

(Cloudtail's stunt double walks out)

Cloudtail's Stunt Double: Sorry, I really had to go to the bathroom! Apparently I'm supposed to do this scene? I'm ready.

Lionblaze: Wait... you're Cloudtail's stunt double?

CSD: Yeah, obviously. Well, technically, my name's Johnathan, but... 

Lionblaze:Then who's that? (points to Cloudtail's dead body)

Johnathan: Oh my StarClan, that's Cloudtail! (runs over to the body) Cloudtail, NUUUUUUUU! Why'd you have to die?

Lionblaze: Wait, he's actually dead?

Johnathan: DOES HE LIKE ALIVE TO YOU?

Producer: (shakes head) Another lawsuit. Another freaking lawsuit. 

Lionblaze: THAT'S IT! GRAYSTRIPE MUST DIE!


(camera cuts back to Mousefur and Graystripe)

Mousefur: YES! HE'S GONE!

Lionblaze: I'M COMING FOR YOU TWO! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!

Graystripe: Oh dear...

Mousefur: Run. Run

(Graystripe and Mousefur return to the rest of the group)

Graystripe : EVERYONE BACK TO THE CAR! NOOOOOOOOOOW! LIONBLAZE IS GONNA KILL US!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuu. (runs back to car)

(everyone jumps in the car)

(Cloverhill walks out of the pizza shop)

Cloverhill: What? What's going on?

Graystripe: Where have you been? 

Cloverhill: I got hungry, so I went inside and ordered a pizza. Hawaiian. Delicious. I talked to Mintleaf, and she's really nice, you know. Now I feel bad. What did you do?

Graystripe: Long story short, I killed Bluestar's stunt double, destroyed Bluestar and Ashfur's epic hats and killed Cloudtail. So we've gotta scram.

Cloverhill: Oh my God, you moron. 

(Cloverhill gets in the car)

Spiderleg: Okay, are we all here?

Yellowfang: Drive!

Redtail: Wait, where's Daisy?

Yellowfang: DRIVE!

(the car takes off)

(Daisy comes running up the hill just as the car takes off)

Daisy: Oh, (bleep) you.


(in the car)

Ivypool: WHERE DO WE GO!?

Thornpelt: LEFT!

(Ivypool turns left)

Thornpelt: LEFT!

(Ivypool turns left)

Thornpelt: KEEP TURNING LEFT! TURN LEFT LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW!

(police car sirens wail)

Spottedleaf: Oh, great!

Lionblaze: I'VE GOT YOU NOW, GRAYSTRIPE! HAHAHAHA!

Mousefur: How did he get a new car so fast? (sigh) This show makes no sense.

Spiderleg: This show has never made sense, to be honest.

Cloverhill: Um, guys? Police car?

Graystripe: I'll take care of this. (pulls out grenade and throws it) HAHAHAHAHA!

(the police car explodes)

Cloverhill: You complete and utter moron. Now that's three cats you've killed.

(they drive away)

(toilet flushes; Lionblaze steps out)

Lionblaze: YOU'RE LUCKY I WASN'T IN THAT!


(back at the Big Brother house)

(the car pulls up)

Spiderleg: GO! GO!

(they all run in the house)


(inside the house)

(Big Brother is sitting on the couch eating pizza)

Big Brother: Wow, this is delicious! I love it when random pizza shows up at your door!

(Yellowfang slams the door)

Thornclaw: Phew!

Big Brother: Where have you guys been?

Yellowfang: (turns on TV)

News Report: In breaking news, a cat has gone on a riot, leaving three cats dead, two epic hats mutilated, a police car exploded, and one cat with a major owwie. Reports suggest the cat was angry because he did not receive his pizza.

Big Brother: Oh my God... what have you done? (heavy sigh) This show.

Graystripe: (notices pizza) WHAT'S THAT!?

Big Brother: Oh, that's just some random pizza that came to the door while you guys were gone. 2 Supreme pizzas with the lot.

Graystripe: WHAT!? Let me see the receipt.

Big Brother: Here you go. (hands receipt)


DELIVERY ORDER

NAME: GRAYSTRIPE

DELIVERY TIME: 8:30PM 

ORDER:

2 SUPREME PIZZAS W/LOT

$58


Spottedleaf: Oh my StarClan... you typed 8:30 instead of 7:30...

Graystripe: Hehehehe... oops.

Cloverhill; You moron. Yoy complete and utter moron. 

Spiderleg: Screw this. I'm going to bed.

Everyone: Me too.

(they all leave)

Big Brother: Wait, where's Daisy?

Yellowfang: Oh, she'll find her way back, don't worry.


(Daisy's cab turns up)

(Daisy opens the door and gets inside)

Daust: Vhere to, Daisy?

Daisy: Big Brother house pl- wait... how do you know my name?

(Daust turns around)

Daisy: AAAAAAAAH!

Daust: You still owe ze mafia lots of money, Daisy. Vee gave you time to pay it back, and you have not paid us. Now vee are going on a little ride...

(the cab speeds off)

Daisy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


WEEK FIVE, CHALLENGE

(in the lounge room) 

Yellowfang: Such a wonderful day! 

Ivypool: (eyes Yellowfang suspiciously) What have you done?

Yellowfang: (innocently) Nothing! Can't a cat comment about the day without arousing suspicion? (blinks sweetly)

Runningwind: DID YOU MURDER MY LOVE?

Cloverhill: She's right here.

Graystripe: DID YOU TAKE ALL MY FOOD!?

Spiderleg: Please don't start that again. You nearly got us all killed!

Graystripe: THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING! BIG BROTHER ATE MY PIZZA! (bursts in to tears)

Big Brother: And it was delicious, too. 

Graystripe: SHUT UP!

Thornclaw: I'm so nominating you next week.

Spottedleaf: And I'm nominating you!

Mousefur: Will you two just make out already? 

Spottedleaf: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! 

Rosepetal: (from the bedroom) Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Mousefur: Oh, Kirsten's awake.

(Rosepetal comes running) 

Rosepetal: Daisy's gone. She could be in trouble. We have to call the police.

Spiderleg: (facepaws; shakes head) No emotion... even now.

Yellowfang: (dies laughing)

Rosepetal: Yellowfang, did you have anything to do with this. 

Yellowfang: Of course I did, who do you think did it?

Rosepetal: Where is she. Tell me or I'll bash your brains out. 

Yellowfang: You know I can't take you seriously without any emotion.

Rosepetal: Tell me. 

Yellowfang: (dies laughing) 

Rosepetal: Aaaaaaaaaah. I can't handle this. (hits Yellowfang with frying pan) Hahahahaha.

Yellowfang: OW! (kicks Rosepetal in the head)

Spiderleg: Don't hit my emotionless daughter! (throws Yellowfang at the wall)

Spottedleaf: Yellowfang! NUUUUUU! (punches Thornclaw)

Thornclaw: What was that for!? (punches Spottedleaf)

Spottedleaf: Oh, sorry, I doidn't mean to hit you. I was aiming for Spiderleg.

(shocked silence)

Redtail: I miss Leafpool.

Runningwind: (gasp) Spottedleaf... apologised to Thornclaw!

Ivypool: That's... the first time in forever!

Cloverhill: (singing) FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER...THERE'LL BE MUSIC, THERE';LL BE LIIIIIIGHT!

Graystripe: (knocks Cloverhill out) NO FROZEN SONGS! BAD CLOVERHILL!

Mousefur: (advances towards Graystripe) You little...

Big Brother: Aaaand, on that note, I think we'll start the challenge. 


(Lounge room; 10 minutes later)

Big Brother: Okay, this is going to be a three-round thing. Up first, we're going to have a GUESS THE FANMAIL challenge!

Daisy: Ooooh, I've always wanted to know how many fans I've had!

Yellowfang: When did you get back?

Daisy: A minute ago. Did you send Daust after me?

Yellowfang: Of course I did.

Daisy: HOW COULD YOU!? He made me watch Jaws: The Revenge!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuuu. I hate that movie.

Yellowfang: (bursts in to tears) NOOOOOOOO! THAT MOVIE IS HORRIBLE! IT RUINED THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE! I'M SO SORRY! 

Daisy: Wow...

Yellowfang: I'm kidding. I hate your guts and have zero sympathy for you whatosever. But in all seriousness, yes, that is one of the worst movies of all time. 

Mousefur: Amen to that!

Big Brother: (taps foot) Can we get on with the challenge?

Daisy: What is the challenge?

Big Brother: A guess the fanmail challenge. 

Daisy: (claps excitedly) Oooooh, I've always wanted  to know how many fans I've had!

Yellowfang: Want me to tell you?

Daisy: (nods)

Yellowfang: NONE! HA!

Daisy: That's not true! (looks at Big Brother with wide eyes) I-is it?

Voice-over: (in incredibly loud voice, over the speakers) WELL, YOU'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT IN THE GUESS THE FANMAIL CHALLENGE!

Everyone but Rosepetal: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Rosepetal: Aaaaah.

Big Brother: Voice-over, a bit quieter, please?

Voice-over: Sorry. Please welcome your fantabulous, super-sexy host, BIG BROTHER! He made me say that.

Big Brother: YOU RUINED IT! D: Anyway, welcome to the guess the fanmail challenge! All you have to do is buzz in when you see a fanmail pile and guess who the pile belongs too. Let's see... there's 12 of you, so the first 6 to guess correctly move on to the next round. Got it? 

Everyone: Got it.

Big Brother: Okay, here's the first pile!

(curtain is drawn back. A fanmail pile with 1 letter is in front of the housemates.)

(Yellowfang buzzes in)

Big Brother: Yes, Yellowfang?

Yellowfang: That pile belongs to Daisy!

Big Brother: Well, let's see if you're right... 

(loud bell sounds)

Everyone but Rosepetal: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Rosepetal: Aaaaaaah.

Big Brother: Oh, get over it. Yellowfang, you've guessed right! You're moving on to the next round!

Daisy: (high pitched squeal) I have a fan! WHEEEEEEEEE!

Yellowfang: Oh, shut up. I bet Ferncloud wrote you that because she felt sorry for you.

Daisy: B-but... 

Big Brother: Yellowfang, go and sit on the winner's bench. 

(Yellowfang moves to winners' bench)

Daisy: That's not really from Ferncloud, is it?

Big Brother: Go check.

(Daisy runs to the fanmail letter and opens it)


Dear Daisy,

I noticed you didn't have any fanmail, so I'm writing you this. 

P.S can you come back to hosting? I think the producer is flirting with me.

Love, Ferncloud


Daisy: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Big Brother: PRODUCER! Are you flirting with Ferncloud?

Producer: Wh-what? (slowly) No-o-o--o. 

Big Brother: (annoyed sigh) On with the next pile!


(curtains are closed again)

Big Brother: Now it's time for the next pile! Ready?

(the curtains open; a massive fanmail pile is revealed)

Big Brother: Whose is this?

(everyone but Daisy and Yellowfang buzzes in)

Everyone but Daisy, Yellowfang and Rosepetal: MINE!

Rosepetal: Mine.

Big Brother: The answer is... ROSEPETAL!

Rosepetal: Yeaaaaah. I have the most fans. Wooooooooooo. Suck on that, mother (bleeeeeeeeep).

Redtail: I DO NOT DO THAT TO MY MOTHER, YOU HORRIBLE CAT! D:

Rosepetal: Hahahahaha. I didn't mean it that way.

Spiderleg: 10/10 emotionless laugh. 

Big Brother: Rosepetal, go and sit on the winners bench.

(Rosepetal sits on the bench)

Big Brother: Okay, next pile! 


Big Brother: (talks in to walkie talkie) Okay, you can come in now.

Mousefur: Huuuuh?

(beeping sounds. Three trucks reverse in)

Spiderleg: NUUUUUUUUU! TWOLEG MONSTERS! (jumps in to Yellowfang's paws)

Yellowfang: Oh, hi!

Spiderleg: Hehe, sorry about that!

Ivypool: What are they doing here?

Big Brother: (points to empty spot) Here. Dump it here.

Ivypool: What?

(all three trucks unload their cargo. It is a huge pile of fanmail letters)

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuu. I thought I had the most fans.

Big Brother: Okay, w-

(Runningwind buzzes in before anyone can breathe)

Runningwind: THAT FANMAIL PILE BELONGS TO MY LOVE, ALSO KNOWN AS IVYPOOL!

Big Brother: I don't think we even need to check that. Runningwind, go and sit on the winners bench.

(Runningwind moves to the winners bench)

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuu. How did Ivypool get more fans than me. 

Redtail: I think they're all from Runningwind, sweetie. Don't worry.

Runningwind: Th-that's not true! I only wrote her one million letters!

Ivypool: YOU WROTE ME ONE MILLION FAN LETTERS!?

Spottedleaf: What do you mean "only"?

Big Brother: Well, there's one million and ten. 6 are from Dovewing, one from Birchfall, three from Whitewing. 

Ivypool: Oookay. Officially creeped out!

Thornpelt: You weren't creeped out before?

Ivypool: Well yes, but now I'm even more creeped out.

Big Brother: Okay, next pile!


(A pile of food is sitting in front of the housemates)

Graystripe: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Mousefur: I think we all know who that belongs to.

(everyone buzzes in)

Big Brother: Hm.... who was first? I think it was Cloverhill.

Graystripe: LIES! ALL LIES! (bursts in to tears)

Daisy: I swear he's the new Brambleclaw...

Cloverhill: That is so obviously Graystripe's pile.

Big Brother: Let's check.

(bell rings)

Big Brother: Correct!

Cloverhill: YES! SUCKED IN, GRAYSTRIPE!

Graystripe: NUUUUUUUUUU! Now how will I get to the next round? D:

Big Brother: Bring on the next pile!


(a smal fanmail pile of about 10 letters in front of them)

Big Brother: Whose pile is this?

(no one buzzes in)

Big Brother: Oh, come on! It's not that hard!

(Daisy hesitates, then buzzes in)

Big Brother: Wrong.

Daisy: ...But I haven't even answered yet.

Big Brother: You'll still be wrong.

Daisy: Why won't you let me answer!? I can get you fired, you know.

Big Brother: Okay, answer, then! Gosh...

Daisy: Um... is it Spiderleg's?

Spiderleg: Oh, insulted!

Big Brother: WRONG! YOU'RE DUMB!

Daisy: Awww!

Yellowfang: HOW DARE YOU! (punches Daisy in the head)

Daisy: OWWWW!

Big Brother: Anyone else care to guess?

(Thornclaw buzzes in)

Big Brother: Yes, Thornclaw?

Thornclaw: Is it Mousefur's?

Mousefur: Excuse me?

Big Brother: No it's not. Come on, guys! This really isn't that hard!

(no one buzzes in)

Big Brother: Seriously? If no one buzzes in now, I'm just gonna take the four cats who are already in and forget about it.

(Graystripe buzzes in)

Big Brother: If you're wrong, I'm flipping a table.

Graystripe: Is it Cloverhill?

(bell dings)

Big Brother: Oh, thank God. How hard was that? She's been in the house for 2 episodes, you dummies!

(Graystripe goes and sits on the winners bench)

Cloverhill: I HAVE FANS! YAAAAAAY!


Big Brother: Okay, this is pil;e six. So whoever gets this right takes the last spot in the round.

(a fanmail pile of about sixty letters is in front of them)

Big Brother: Okay, whose pile is this? 

(Spottedleaf and Thornclaw buzz in at the same time)

Spottedleaf: HEY! THIS IS MY GUESS, YOU MOLE!

Thornclaw: I buzzed in first! 

Spottedleaf: No you didn't, I did! (punches Thornclaw)

Thornclaw: No, did! (punches Spottedleaf) 

(they start wrestling on the ground)

Big Brother: Seriously?

Spottedleaf: Why do you always sabotage me? What did I ever do to you?

Thornclaw: I'm not!

Spottedleaf: You're nothing but a stupid, double-crossing MOLE!

Thornclaw: I'M NOT EVEN THE MOLE ANYMORE! This is getting really old!

Spottedleaf: You've had it in for me since day-

(Mousefur buzzes in)

Spottedleaf & Thornclaw: NUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Big Brother: Yes, Mousefur? 

Mousefur: Is it Yellowfang's?

Big Brother: Let's check...

(bell dings)

Big Brother: Correct! You're through to the next round! The first round is over! Thornclaw, Spottedleaf, Spiderleg, Daisy, Redtail and Ivypool are out!

Runningwind: NUUUUUUUUU! I'LL WIN THIS FOR YOU, IVYPOOL!

Spottedleaf: This is all your fault! (storms away)

Big Brother: Now, for round 2!


Big Brother: Okay, since we have 6 left, the second round will be a debate!

Yellowfang: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! 

Mousefur: What's a debate?

Big Brother: Basically arguing why you're right and the other team is wrong.

Graystripe: Will it be about food?

Big Brother: No.

Runningwind: Will it be about how awesome Ivypool is?

Ivypool: If it is, I will personally cut open your guts and pull out all your intestines. 

Redtail: #psychopath

Spiderleg: NO HASHTAGS! THEY'RE EVIL!

Big Brother: Can we get on with the debate? 

Rosepetal: Yes. I'd really like that. 

Big Brother: Okay, Yellowfang, since you were first into the next round, you can have choice of your side and team-mates. 

Yellowfang: What's the topic?

Big Brother: You won't know until you pick. 

Yellowfang: Fine, I pick negative! 

Big Brother: And your team? 

Yellowfang: Um... Rosepetal and Graystripe.

Big Brother: Rosepetal, Yellowfang and Graystripe are the negative team. This means Mousefur, Runningwind and Cloverhill are affirmative.

Runningwind: WHAT'S THE TOPIC? CAN IT BE ABOUT IVYPOOL?

Ivypool: (grabs knife)

Redtail: #knifeweildingmurderer 

Spiderleg: STOP HASHTAGGING!

Big Brother: The topic is... Daisy sucks.

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuu. That's a terrible topic. 

Daisy: That's not nice. 

Spottedleaf: No one cares. You suck. 

Big Brother: So you've finished your tantrum, then?

Spottedleaf: Yes...

Yellowfang: WAIT... I have to argue that Daisy DOESN'T SUCK!? D:

Big Brother: That's what being the negative team means.

Yellowfang: (falls to knees) NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! STARCLAN, WHY ARE YOU SO CRUEL!? Where's my Crystal Ball? I need it! 

Big Brother: No time for that. We have to debate. 

Yellowfang: NUUUUUUUUUUU!

Cloverhill: We are so going to win!

Big Brother: On with the debate!


Big Brother: The topic for the debate is Daisy sucks. Introducing the first speaker for the affirmative team... Runningwind.

(Runningwind steps in to the centre of the room)

Runningwind: Toms and she-cats, before I start our team's argument, I would like to dedicate this here speech to my love, Ivypool!

Ivypool: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (runs out of the room)

Big Brother: Carry on.

Runningwind: Ladies and gentlemen... Daisy sucks

Daisy: I do not! D:

Runningwind: As first speaker, I'll talk to you about how she is a viscious mate stealer... Our second speaker will talk to you about how she ditched her former mate, and our third speaker will talk about the public's general disdain for her. 

Now, on to my point:

Daisy is nothing more than a viscious, conniving mate stealer. When she first came in to ThunderClan, all she did was try to steal Cloudtail. She doted over him, and was with him at all times-

(Graystripe stands up)

Graystripe: POINT OF INFORMATION!

Runningwind: Yes?

Graystripe: How does being with a taken cat at all times a mate stealer? Surely this is just an example of them being best friends. 

(Graystripe sits down)

Runningwind: Now that's where you're wrong, my friend. Did Cloudtail ever ask for Daisy to be around him all the time? No. Did Cloudtail ever return Daisy's friendliness? No. Did Brightheart like it? No. Instead, poor Brightheart was forced to watch as Daisy tried to snatch Cloudtail from right under her paws! Now tell me, toms and she-cats, would these be the actions of a cat who does not completely and utterly suck? No. So there you have it. Daisy sucks because she is a mate stealer.

(Runningwind sits down)

Big Brother: Thanks for that, Runningwind. Well, Daisy, I just learned something about you, you mate-stealing litttle brat.

Rosepetal: Hey. You're an adjuticator. You're supposed to be unbiased

Big Brother: Excuse me... this is Big Brother: ThunderClan. Nothing goes by the rules.

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuu.

Big Brother: Anyway, it's your turn now, Rosepetal.

(Rosepetal stands up)

Rosepetal: Toms and she-cats, before I start my argument, let me outline our team's case. I will be talking about how the Erins haven't killed her yet, Graystripe will be talking about how she does other duties for the Clan and Yellowfang will be talking about Daisy's secret opera talent. Now, on with my case. 

Daisy does not suck. If she sucked, wouldn't the Erins get rid of her. But they haven't, have they. No, she's been in the books for two arcs, despite not having any major involvement in storylines. My question to you is, if the Erins haven't killed her yet, doesn't that mean they like her. And if the Erins like her, doesn't that mean she does not suck.

Big Brother: (yawn)

Rosepetal: Hey. Stop yawning. 

Big Brother: Sorry, I just find you incredibly boring. Carry on. 

(Cloverhill stands up)

Cloverhill: Point of information! 

Rosepetal: Yes.

Cloverhill: Just because she hasn't been killed in the books yet doesn't mean the Erins like her.

(sits down)

Rosepetal: You're wrong. Shut up. That is the end of my argument. 

(Rosepetal sits down)

(Big Brother is snoring)

Spiderleg: (shakes him awake) Big Brother?

Big Brother: (wakes up) Huh... it's over? Uh.... she's so boring. Sorry.

Rosepetal: Hey. That's mean. 

Big Brother: Bring forward the second speaker from the affirmative team... Mousefur. 

(Mousefur walks to the centre of the room)

Mousefur: Toms and she-cats, once again, our team will prove to you that Daisy does indeed suck. Our first speaker already put forth such a magnificent argument, but allow me to give you another one:

Daisy is not only a mate stealer, she is also a mate ditcher. She completely ditched Smoky at the Horseplace and left him without his kits, without his mate, or without anyone. This is surely proof of-

(Rosepetal stands up)

Rosepetal: Point of information.

Mousefur: Yes?

Rosepetal: Daisy left the Horseplace because she wanted to keep her kits. This is an act of love, not an act of selfishness. 

(sits down)

Mousefur: Love it may be, but this act of love was also an act of being the most selfish cat in the entire Warriors books. Did  Daisy ask Smoky to come? No. Does Daisy ever visit Smoky and say "hey, your kits are doing okay"? No. Daisy completely cut Smoky from her life, and Smoky did absolutely nothing to her. Poor Smoky fathered kits for her, and she repays him with that? This is surely proof beyond doubt that Daisy sucks. 

(Mousefur sits down)

Big Brother: Good job, Mousefur. Let's hear from the second speaker from Team Negative, Graystripe.

(Graystripe walks to the centre of the room)

Graystripe: Toms and she-cats, Daisy doesn't suck. She may be the crappiest fighter in the wolrd- 

Daisy: Hurtful. 

Graystripe: She may do nothing but sit in the Nursery all day-

Daisy: Still hurtful.

Graystripe: And she may never be able to be mateworthy

Daisy: STILL HURTFUL!

Graystripe: But she has a purpose in ThunderClan. I take a quote from Dark River: ""'I am no warrior, but I am a ThunderClan cat. I stay in the nursery rather than hunt and fight because that is what I do best. I care for our young as though they were my own. This is my gift to the Clan, but I do it in my own chosen name.'

Now, toms and she-cats, this is evidence that Daisy doesn't suck. She's helping out the Clan in the way she can. She looks after the kits because all the other queens are too fat and lazy. They go off and sun themselves, and gossip about everyone, but not Daisy. Daisy actually cares about the kits, and she cares about everyone else in the Clan. So this is, most definitely, evidence that Daisy does not suck! Thank you. 

(Graystripe sits down)

Big Brother: Interesting. I've got absolutely no idea where this debate is headed at this point! Let's bring forth the final speaker for the affirmative team... Cloverhill!

(Cloverhill walks to the centre of the room)

Cloverhill: Toms and she-cats, I am now going to prove to you beyond a doubt that Daisy sucks. Go in to the public and ask them "Do you like Daisy?" They will all tell you the same answer: "No." To support this fact, I present to you, the Daisy Haters Club. Their hompage boldly states: "OVER ONE MILLION MEMBERS". Now, if she did not suck, would this club's membership have grown to such a large amount? The answer is no. Therfore, Daisy sucks.

(Graystripe stands up)

Graystripe: POINT OF INFORMATION!

Cloverhill: A-yeeeeeeees?

Spottedleaf: (giggles)

Big Brother: SHHHHHHH! DEBATE!

Spottedleaf: Sorry.

Graystripe: Can we see proof of this absurd allegation?

Cloverhil: A-yeeeeeeeeees! (grabs out laptop and goes to www.daisyhatersclub.com) Here you go! 

(Cloverhill turns the laptop around)

DAISY HATERS CLUB- PROUDLY CONTAINING OVER ONE MILLION DAISY HATERS AROUND THE WORLD

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuu. Who made that club.

Cloverhill: You see? All the proof you need. (puts briefcase on the table) I rest my case.

(Cloverhill sits down)

Big Brother: And now for the final speaker for the negative team, Yellowfang! I'm going to enjoy this.

(Yellowfangs walks to the centre of the room)

Yellowfang: T-toms and she-cats... D-Daisy does... does not suck be-because...

Ivypool: She's about to crack.

Yellowfang: Because s-she... um... she has an.... awesome.... opera talent, and...

Mousefur: She's definitely going to crack.

Yellowfang: We've got... a video for... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Big Brother: Is something the matter, Yellowfang?

Yellowfang: I CAN'T! I CAN'T ARGUE FOR DAISY NOT SUCKING! SHE JUST... SUCKS TOO MUCH! I QUIT! (runs away)

Big Brother: Well. Yellowfang forfeits, so the winners are the affirmative team! The three of you will be competing in the final round to determine the winner of the challenge. 

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuuuu. Yellowfang, you suck.

Graystripe: I am so nominating her!

Redtail: #Bestfreakoutever

Spiderleg: IF YOU DON'T STOP HASHTAGGING, I SWEAR ON STARCLAN I WILL CUT YOUR TAIL OFF AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!

Big Brother: Aaaaaaand on that note. let's go to the next round!


(5 minutes later)

Big Brother: Welcome, one and all, to the final round! This will be a HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME challenge? Now, Cloverhill, Mousefur and Runningwind, you'll each get 5 questions about one of your two fellow competitors. Whoever answers the most quuestions correctly wins the challenge and faces the Four Cases of Doom. Any questions?

(Cloverhill puts paw up)

Big Brother: Yes?

Cloverhill: Will we get time to talk to the cat we have to answer questions on? 

Big Brother: No, that'll ruin the fun. Okay, final round time! Cloverhill, you have Runningwind. Runningwind, you have Mousefur, and that leaves Mousefur with Cloverhill! Let's do this! Runningwind, you're up first!

Runningwind: Why me?

Big Brother: Because I had to pick someone. 

Runningwind: But why meeeeee?

Big Brother: Because you obsess over Ivypool too much. ON WITH THE CHALLENGE!


RUNNINGWIND'S QUIZ: 

Big Brother: Both of you write your answers down on the pieces of paper in front of you. Okay, Runningwind, question one: 

QUESTION ONE: Mousefur is fluent in three languages: English, Grump and which other? 

(Mousefur writes down the answer)

(Runningwind writes down the answer)

Big Brother: Runningwind, you said... 

(Runningwind shows piece of paper)

RUNNINGWIND'S ANSWER: FRENCH

Big Brother: And, Mousefur, the answer is...

(Mousefur shows piece of paper)

CORRECT ANSWER: GERMAN 

Big Brother: Runningwind, you didn't put the right answer down, I'm afraid. 

Mousefur: (looks over at Runningwind's answer) NEIN! WAS IST DAS? ICH KANN KEIN FRANZOSISCH SPRECHEN, ICH SPRECHE DUETSCH! SAUKERL! 

(Translation: No! What is this? I don't speak French, I speak German! Saukerl is a german insult used for males. Used quite commonly in the Book Thief.)

Runningwind: Um... what? 

Mousefur: You'll never know what that means because you didn't know I spoke German!

Runningwind:: NUUUUUUU!

Big Brother: Okay, question 2!


QUESTION TWO: Is Mousefur's favourite singer Tom Jones or Frank Sinatra?

(Mousefur writes down answer)

(Runningwind writes down answer)

Big Brother: Reveal. 

(they show their pieces of paper)

RUNNINGWIND'S ANSWER: TOM JONES

CORRECT ANSWER: TOM JONES

Runningwind: YES!

Mousefur: Well at least you know something about me!

Runningwind: (singing) You goooooo to my heaaaaad...

Mousefur: THAT'S FRANK SINATRA, YOU IDIOT!

Ivypool: You've got a terrible voice.

Runningwind: NUUUUUUU!

Big Brother: Next question


QUESTION THREE: If Mousefur could evict anyone of her choosing from the Big Brother house, who would it be?

(Runningwind writes down answer)

(Mousefur writes down answer)

(Mousefur and Runningwind laugh)

Big Brother: What's so funny? Go on, Runningwind, reveal your answer.

RUNNINGWIND'S ANSWER: BIG BROTHER

Big Brother: Hey! D:

(Mousefur shows her piece of paper)

CORRECT ANSWER: BIG BROTHER

Big Brother: HEY! D:

Runningwind: YES! I'm so smart!

Ivypool: What's 1+1? 

Runningwind: 4?

Ivypool: WRONG!

Runningwind: NUUUUUUU!

Big Brother: Next question!


QUESTION FOUR: What does Mousefur hate most about this show?

Runningwind: That's a cinch. (writes down answer)

(Mousefur writes down answer)

Big Brother: Runningwind, reveal your answer: 

RUNNINGWIND'S ANSWER: SHE DOESN'T GET ANY LINES

Big Brother: Mousefur, reveal your answer.

CORRECT ANSWER: I NEVER GET ANY LINES!!!!

Big Brother: That's close enough. Correct! Last question:


QUESTION FIVE: Mousefur has been to Greece. True or False?

(Mousefur writes down her answer)

(Runningwind writes down his answer)

Big Brother: Runningwind, you answered:

RUNNINGWIND'S ANSWER: FALSE

Big Brother: Mousefur, you answered:

CORRECT ANSWER: FALSE

Mousefur: Of course I haven't been there! I'd miss all my favourite old people shows!

Big Brother: Runningwind, you got 4/5 correct, which puts you in first place!

Runningwind: YAY!

Big Brother: Out of one cat.

Runningwind: Awwwww.

Big Brother: Cloverhill's up next!

LEADERBOARD:

1. RUNNINGWIND 4/5 

2. ???

3. ???


Big Brother: Cloverhill, here's your first question:

QUESTION ONE: Runningwind went bye-bye in which arc?

Runningwind: That's not very nice! Stop embarrassing me in front of my love!

Ivypool: (facepaw)

(Cloverhill writes down her answer)

(Runningwind writes down his answer)

Big Brother: Cloverhill, you said:

CLOVERHILL'S ANSWER: FIRST ARC (omsc I'm so smart)

Big Brother: That's a bold statement there. Runningwind, the correct answer is...?

CORRECT ANSWER: FIRST ARC (F*** YOU, ERINS)

Big Brother: Woah, woah, woah! Totally unnecessary! But anyway, Cloverhill is right. Next question!

QUESTION TWO: Is Runningwind's favourite dessert chocolate chip cookies or cheesecake?

(Runningwind writes down his answer) 

Runningwind: Big Brother! You're making me drool! D:

Ivypool: EEEEEEEEEEEEW!

Runningwind: MY LOVE! I'M SORRY! (sucks drool back up)

Ivypool: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! 

(Cloverhill writes down her answer)

Big Brother: Cloverhill, you answered... 

CLOVERHILL'S ANSWER: COOKIES????

Big Brother: Runningwind, the correct answer is... 

CORRECT ANSWER: CHEESECAKE

Big Brother: Ooooh, Cloverhill got that wrong!

Runningwind: (shocked gasp) How could you? I hate cookies! 

Graystripe: (runs up to Runningwind and backhands him) HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT THE COOKIES! 

Big Brother: Question three!

QUESTION THREE: How many times has Runningwind been arrested for stalking Ivypool?

Runningwind: Pffffffft! Easy! (writes down answer)

Cloverhill: CRAP! THIS IS REALLY HARD! (writes down answer)

Big Brother: Cloverhill, you said... 

'CLOVERH'ILL'S ANSWER: 23

Big Brother: Runningwind, the correct answer is... 

CORRECT ANSWER: 37 

Big Brother: Oooooh, ouch! Wrong again, Cloverhill! 

Runningwind: Oh my StarClan, insulted! What kind of stalker would I be if I only got arrested 23 times? Mouse-brain.

Cloverhill: Someone should throw you in a cat carrier.

Runningwind: NUUUUUUUU! NOT THE CAT CARRIER! D: NOT EVEN IVYPOOL IS WORTH THAT!

Big Brother: Next question.

QUESTION FOUR: If Runningwind could travel anywhere in the world, would he go to Paris or Rome? 

(Runningwind writes down his answer)

Cloverhill: Paris sucks, so... (writes down her answer)

Big Brother: Cloverhill, you said...

CLOVERHILL'S ANSWER: ROME

Big Brother: And Runningwind, the answer is...

CORRECT ANSWER: PARIS

Cloverhill: Crap! Wrong again!

Runningwind: THAT WAS SO EASY! I'd go to Paris, so I could get tips on how to sweep Ivypool off her sweet little paws...

Ivypool: You suck.

Big Brother: Okay, Cloverhill's failing majorly, so hopefully she gets the last question right. Here it is:

QUESTION FIVE: Where is Runningwind ranked in the Cat Tennis World Rankings?

(Runningwind writes down his answer) 

Runningwind: It'll probably drop by the time I get out of here though.

(Cloverhill writes down her answer)

Big Brother: Cloverhill, you said...

CLOVERHILL'S ANSWER: 51

Big Brother: Runningwind, the answer is...

CORRECT ANSWER: 22

Cloverhill: NUUUUUUUUUU!

Big Brother: And that concludes this epic fail of a round! Cloverhill only got 1/5 answers correct. 

Runningwind: (gasp) You know nothing about me!

Everyone but Cloverhill: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cloverhill: I haven't even been here for a week, and this is only my third episode! Give me a break!

LEADERBOARD: 

RUNNINGWIND 4/5

CLOVERHILL THE FAIL 1/5


Cloverhill: Hey! D:

Big Brother: Sorry. Had to do that.


Big Brother: Okay, final round! It's Mousefur's turn to answer questions about Cloverhill. Mousefur, in order to win the challenge, you must get all 5 questions right. Ready?

Mousefur: Ready! I'M FINALLY GETTING LINES, WOOOOOO!

Big Brother: Calm down. Here's the first question: 

QUESTION ONE: Is Cloverhill's favourite cereal Cornflakes or Rice Bubbles?

Cloverhill: Okay, this is making me hungry. (rights down answer)

(Mousefur writes down answer)

Big Brother: Mousefur, you said...

MOUSEFUR'S ANSWER: RICE BUBBLES

Big Brother: And Cloverhill, the answer is...

CORRECT ANSWER: RICE BUBBLES

Big Brother: Mousefur, that's correct!

Mousefur: Wooooo!

Cloverhill: Let's celebrate with a bowl of rice bubbles! (runs to kitchen)

Big Brother: NOT YET! The challenge isn't over!

Cloverhill: (goes back to lounge room)

Big Brother: Second question:

QUESTION TWO: What is Cloverhill's favourite band?

(Cloverhill writes down answer) I WENT TO THEIR CONCERT AND MET THEM, OMSC. 

Mousefur: This is so obvious! (writes down answer)

Big Brother: Mousefur, you said...

MOUSEFUR'S ANSWER: IMAGINE DRAGONS

Big Brother: Cloverhill, the answer is...

CORRECT ANSWER: IMAGINE DRAGONS 

Big Brother: Mousefur's right again! 

Cloverhill: I feel like singing now!

Big Brother: Here's question three!

'QUESTION THREE: Cloverhill competed at the World Dancing Championships with which dance'?

Cloverhill: This is making me feel like dancing! (writes down answer)

Mousefur: (writes down answer)

Big Brother: Mousefur, you said...

MOUSEFUR'S ANSWER: CHA-CHA

Big Brother: Cloverhill, the answer is...

CORRECT ANSWER: CHA-CHA

Big Brother: Mousefur is right again! 

Mousefur: YAY!

Cloverhill: Can we dance the Cha-Cha now? Pleaaaaase?

Big Brother: After the challenge.

Cloverhill: Why is everything' after the challenge? D:

Big Brother: Because this has been going on for ages. Shut up so we can move to question 4. 

QUESTION FOUR: How many countries has Cloverhill been to (excluding her birth place), and what are they?

Mousefur: Oooooh, that's a tough one. (writes down answer)

Cloverhill: (writes down answer) If she gets this right, I swear I'm gonna give her a massive hug.

Mousefur: Please don't.

Big Brother: Mousefur, you said...

MOUSEFUR'S ANSWER: THREE: FIJI, USA, GERMANY

Big Brother: Cloverhill, the answer is...

CORRECT ANSWER: THREE: USA, GERMANY, FIJI

Big Brother: That's correct! Mousefur has now tied with Runningwind!

Cloverhill: (gasp) She got it right! EEEEEEEE! (hugs Mousefur)

Mousefur: NUUUUUUUUUUU!

Big Brother: Okay, the last question! This will decide who wins the challenge. Ready?

Mousefur: Ready.

QUESTION FIVE: Which role did Cloverhill play in the 2010 film Rocky's Survival?

Cloverhill: Oh My StarClan, no one gets this right! Absolutely no one!

Mousefur: (writes down answer)

Cloverhill: (writes down answer) If she gets this right, I swear she's my personal stalker.

Big Brother: Mousefur, you answered...

MOUSEFUR'S ANSWER: BELINDA

Big Brother: Cloverhill, for Mousefur to win this challenge, is the answer BELINDA?

CORRECT ANSWER: BELINDA 

Big Brother: MOUSEFUR WINS THE CHALLENGE!

Mousefur: OMSC, yes! I never win anything!

Cloverhill: (shocked gasp) But no one gets that right! How did you know so much about me?

Mousefur: Well, when you NEVER GET ANY LINES, BIG BROTHERyou have the time to observe things.

Big Brother: Hey, it's not my fault you don't get lines! But now you have to face the Four Cases of Doom!


(At the Four Cases of Doom)

Big Brother: Okay, Mousefur, you must pick one of the four cases. One case contains a Rocky's Survival DVD, one contains an all-expenses-paid trip to Australia, one contains one night in a 5-star hotel with the cat of your choice, and the other contains a slip for INSTANT EVICTION! Which case do you pick?

Mousefur: Um... I pick... Case number one!

Big Brother: Ooooh, brave choice! Open it to claim your prize.

(Mousefur opens case one)

Mousefur: I got the hotel stay! Wooooo!

Runningwind: NUUUUUUUUUUUUU! I NEED THAT PRIZE! GIVE IT TO ME! (charges at Mousefur)

Mousefur: (smacks him over the head with the case)

Runningwind: NUUUUUUU! (is knocked out)

Ivypool: I've been waiting  five weeks for that happen!

Big Brother: Now, you go and enjoy that prize, Mousefur! The only thing left to do is pick who's going with you!

Ivypool: PICK ME! PLEASE! I need to get away from Runningwind!

Cloverhill: Pick me, since you know so much about me!

Graystripe: Pick me! I need food!

Thornclaw: Pick me for no reason!

Mousefur: Screw life, I pick Daisy.

(shocked silence)

(crickets chirp)

Graystripe: FOOOOOOOOD! (eats cricket)

Daisy: What? Me?

Mousefur: How many cats nameed Daisy do you know, moron?

Daisy: YAY! I ACTUALLY GOT PICKED FOR SOMETHING! THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE-

Yellowfang: (kicks Daisy in the head) Shut up! No one gave you permission to be excited!

Big Brother: Um... Mousefur, this is Daisy. Do you want no social life?

Mousefur: You guys always pick on Daisy for no reason! She deserves something fun. Come on, Daisy.

Daisy: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! 

(Daisy and Mousefur leave)

Big Brother: Well, now that she's gone, we can dance the Cha-Cha! Cloverhill, may I have this dance?

Cloverhill: No! You're a twoleg, you'll squash me!

Big Brother: Too bad, we're dancing. (grabs Cloverhill's paws and starts dancing)

Spottedleaf: (gasp) Poor Cloverhill!

Cloverhill: Help... Help meeeeee!

Big Brother: (trips over and falls) AAAAAAAAAH!

Cloverhill: NUUUUUUUUUU!

(Big Brother falls on top of Cloverhill)

Cloverhill: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I... Can't.... Breathe! (starts coughing) GET OFF ME!

Big Brother: Jeez, I'm not that heavy!


WEEK FIVE, EVICTION 

Voice-over: Hello and welcome to the LIVE EVICTION! Please welcome your host, FERNCLOUD!

(Ferncloud walks on to stage)

Ferncloud: Hello everyone... have we been sucked in to a time portal? It feels like we started this week ages ago!

(silence)

Leafpool: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (faints)

Ferncloud: Oh, hi Leafpool! Sorry about that! 

Cat in Crowd: She can't hear you, moron! She fainted!

Ferncloud: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MORON!?

Cat in Crowd: S-sorry.

Ferncloud: Moron. Anyway, since we've been sucked in to a time portal, you've probably forgotten that this week's eviction will be done by the HOUSEMATES instead! 

Crowd: Ooooooh!

Ferncloud: So it doesn't matter how much you love or hate some cat, if they're unpopular, they will be OUT!

(Crowd cheers)

Ferncloud: So, who's going to go? 

(illegible shouting)

Ferncloud: That helps a lot! Now, before we get down to business, the nominated housemates were asked what they believed was going to keep them in the house.

(Daisy appears on the screen)

Big Brother: Daisy, what do you believe is going to keep you in the house?

Daisy: As strange as it might sound, I think the rivalry with Yellowfang might keep me in the house.

Big Brother: Why's that?

Daisy: Well, firstly, remember those Final Showdown things we've been having every year?

Big Brother: Yeah?

Daisy: Well, I think everyone wants to see me get the absolute jeepers beaten out of me before I get evicted, so maybe they'll vote someone else out?

Big Brother: I highly doubt they could stand you sharing their oxygen for that long.

Daisy: Oh... well, it's getting you guys ratings isn't it?

Big Brother: ...Maybe.

Daisy: Well, you'd want to keep those ratings high, wouldn't you?

Big Brother: Maybe.

Daisy: Well then, perhaps we could work... something... (takes off clothes) out?

Big Brother: Oh god... Oh god... (vomits)

Daisy: OH STARCLAN! I'M SORRY! D:

Big Brother: Put your clothes back o- (continues vomiting) Ugh...

Daisy: Yes, okay... okay. (puts clothes back on)

Big Brother: Ugh... Thank G- (continues vomiting)

Daisy: I'm so sorry! D:

Big Brother: Screw you! Scr- (vomits again) 

Daisy: I can't believe you have that much in your stomach!

Big Brother: (gasps for air) Turn the camera... turn the cam (vomits one last time)

(camera goes blank)

(the screen changes. Spiderleg is on the screen)

Daisy: (wipes the last bit of vomit away) Phew, it's done!

Big Brother: That'll teach you to make me puke in the Diary Room. Now go away, you unwated loser.

Spiderleg: BURN! 

Daisy: At least I didn't swipe at a leaf while in the hunter's crouch!

Spiderleg: B-but... 

Big Brother: BURN!

(Daisy leaves)

Big Brother: Spiderleg, what do you believe is going to keep you in the house?

Spiderleg: Well... I haven't made a lot of friends, but I haven't made a lot of enemies either. 

Big Brother: Your point being?

Spiderleg: There are 2 cats who are hated more than I am, so that's going to work out in my favour. 

Big Brother: Care to elaborate on who they are?

Spiderleg: I think we both know who they are.

Big Brother: Hm... you're right. 


(the screen changes. Runningwind is on the screen)

Big Brother: Runningwind, what do you think will keep you in the house? 

Runningwind: B-but I can't go yet! I haven't kissed Ivypool on national TV! It's always been my dream to!

Big Brother: O...kaay.

Runningwind: And besides, if I don't, then the harcore shippers of Ivywind will be angry at me! I'LL GET BOMBARDED WITH HATE MAIL! D:

Big Brother: Right. And this is supposed to keep you in the house, how?

Runningwind: Um- um... I don't know!?

Big Brother: Well you didn't answer my question, then! What's going to keep you in the house.

Runningwind: They hate Daisy more than me!? I- (starts hyperventilating)

Big Brother: Jeez, calm down!

Runningwind: B-b-but th-they can't evict me! I'll never see Ivypool again! I won't get to kiss her! Th-this is too much to contemplate! (faints)

Big Brother: He officially wins the creepiest stalker award.


(the screen changes. Redtail is on the screen.)

Big Brother: Redtail, what do you think will keep you in the house?

Redtail: Um... Er...

Big Brother: Come on, it's not that hard.

Redtail: I don't know! Can I phone a friend?

Big Brother: This isn't Who Wants To Be A Millionaire! Answer the question!

Redtail: Can I walk away!?

Big Brother: NO! JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION BEFORE I EVICT YOU PERSONALLY!

Redtail: I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T HAVE ANY REDEEMING QUALITIES!

Big Brother: Okay! Thank you!

Redtail: And plus, Runningwind sucks more than I do, so... yeah. He'll go.

Big Brother: See? That wasn't so hard, was it?

Redtail: I guess not! See you later! (walks out of the diary room)


(back on stage)

Ferncloud: Well, those were some interesting responses! Now, we're going to take an ad break just to annoy the living crap out of everyone, but please come back, because the housemates are about to vote for who they want evicted!


(after the ad break)

Ferncloid: We're back! And now it's time for the vote! Who will the housemates evict?

(crowd shouts)

Ferncloud: Well, let's find out!


(in the house)

Big Brother: All housemates to the lounge.

(the housemates go to the lounge)

Big Brother: Housemates, the time has come. It's time for you to vote... TO EVICT!

Yellowfang: YES! I've been waiting for this for so long! DAISY'S GOING HOME!

Daisy: Hey, that's not true! Is it?

'Redtail: Do nominated housemates get to vote too?

Big Brother: Yes they do.

Cloverhill: Do I get a vote?

Big Brother: Yes you do.

Cloverhill: YAY!

Thornclaw: Oh, this is nerveracking! Why couldn't we just nominate instead?

Spottedleaf: Shut up!

Big Brother: Because plot twist. And Spottedleaf, you shut up. 

Spottedleaf: B-but...

Ivypool: BURN!

Spottedleaf: SHUT UP!

Runningwind: HOW DARE YOU SHOUT AT MY LOVE!?

Big Brother: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!

(silence)

Mousefur: Why isn't Leafpool here anymore?

Big Brother: Okay. now you're all going to go in to the Diary Room and cast your vote. Yellowfang, since everyone knows who you're voting for, you're up first.


(in the Diary room)

Big Brother: Yellowfang, please cast your vote and put it in that box there.

Yellowfang: (writes down vote) Bye, Daisy! 

(Yellowfang puts the vote in the box)

Big Brother: Well, that was boring. 


Big Brother: Rosepetal, to the Diary Room.

(Rosepetal enters)

Big Brother: Rosepetal, cast your vote and put it in that box. Who are you voting for and why? 

Rosepetal: (writes down vote) This is hard. I like him, but I'm doing this because I've got no one else to vote for.

(Rosepetal puts the vote in the box)


Big Brother: Ivypool, to the Diary Room.

(Ivypool enters)

Big Brother: Ivypool, cast your vote and put it in the box. Who are you voting for and why?

Ivypool: (writes down vote) I came here to enjoy the experience, not be terrorised. The sooner he goes, the better. 

(Ivypool puts her vote in the box)


Big Brother: Graystripe, to the Diary Room. 

(Graystripe enters)

Big Brother: Graystripe, cast your vote and put it in the box. Who are you voting for and why?

Graystripe: (writes down vote) I think the house would be a whole lot happier if they were to go. 

(Graystripe puts his vote in the box)


Big Brother: Spottedleaf, to the Diary Room. 

(Spottedleaf enters)

Big Brother: Spottedleaf, cast your vote and put it in the box. Who are you voting for and why?

Spottedleaf: (writes down vote) They're a threat to me in this game. They have to go to increase my chance of winning. This is probably my only chance to get rid of them. 

(Spottedleaf puts her vote in the box)


Big Brother: Redtail, to the Diary Room. 

(Redtail enters)

Big Brother: Redtail, cast your vote and put it in the box. Who are you voting for and why?

Redtail: (writes down vote) I'm pretty sure there's a high chance of me going tonight, so the safest option is to add an extra vote to someone who is already unpopular in the hopes that it will send them home over me.

(Redtail puts his vote in the box)


Big Brother: Cloverhill, to the Diary Room.

(Cloverhill enters)

Big Brother: Cloverhill, cast your vote and put it in the box. Who are you voting for and why?

Cloverhill: (writes down votes) He just creeps me out far too much. 

(Cloverhill puts her vote in the box.)


Big Brother: Daisy, to the Diary Room. 

(Daisy enters)

Big Brother: Daisy,

Daisy: I know, I know! Cast my vote and put it in the box!

Big Brother: How did you know?

Daisy: There are pieces of paper, a pen and a box. I'm not stupid.

Big Brother: Party pooper. Who are you voting for and why?"

DaIsy: (writes down vote) They sided with Yellowfang. I don't need two cats on a mission to evict me!

(Daisy puts her vote in the box.)


Big Brother: Runningwind, to the Diary Room.

(Runningwind enters)

Big Brother: Runningwind, cast your vote and put in the box. Who are you voting for and why?

Runningwind: (writes down vote) IVYWIND MUST BE THE ONLY COUPLE IN THE HOUSE! A second couple is forming, which means less attention for Ivywind, which means... LESS IVYWIND FANFICS! D: I must break up this couple!

Big Brother: Okaaaay...

(Runningwind puts his vote in the box)


Big Brother: Spiderleg, to the Diary Room. 

(Spiderleg enters)

Big Brother: Spiderleg, cast your vote and put it in the box.

Spiderleg: (writes down vote) It should be no surprise who I'm voting for. The're a moron, I hate them, they suck, they must die.

(Spiderleg puts his vote in the box)


Big Brother: Thornclaw, to the Diary Room.

(Thornclaw enters)

Big Brother: Thornclaw, cast your vote and put it in the box. Who are you voting for and why?

Thornclaw: This is a tough one. A certain rivalry is really disrupting the harmony of the house, so I could just vote to stop that. Or I could vote strateigically. There are a couple of cats in the house who is kind of going un-noticed. (sighs) This is hard...

Big Brother: Thornclaw, I need a decision. Hurry up.

Thornclaw: Fine, fine. 

(Thornclaw writes down his vote and puts it in the box.)


Big Brother: Mousefur, to the Diary Room. 

(Mousefur enters)

Big Brother: Mousefur, cast your vote and put it in the box. Who are you voting for and why?

Mousefur: (writes down vote) I can't believe I'm doing this, but... this might be my only chance to get rid of them. They could pose a serious threat later in the game. 

(Mousefur puts her vote in the box)

Big Brother: Voting has concluded. All housemates to the lounge for the eviction announcement. 


(on stage)

Ferncloud: The housemates have voted. Who's going home? Find out after the break!


(after the break)

Ferncloud: Welcome back! The housemates have voted, but who will be evicted? Let's cross to the house to break the news.

(Ferncloud crosses to the house)

Ferncloud: Hi housemates!

Housemates: Hi!

Ferncloud: Okay, so nominees, your housemates have voted to evict, and one of you is majorly hated. But please don't get mad, 'cause then it will be awkward, because poor Big Brother will have to clean everything up.

Big Brother: If someone destroys the house, you're helping me clean up, Ferncloud.

Ferncloud: NUUUUUUUUUUU! DON'T DESTROY ANYTHING!

Redtail: Just tell us who's going home!

Yellowfang: It's obviously going to be Daisy, what's the hurry?

Ferncloud: Okay, I have the results right here in my paw. After receiving the LEAST amount of votes to EVICT from their fellow housemates, one cat who is definitely safe for another week is... REDTAIL!

Redtail: (shocked gasp) What? Is that true? The votes haven't been tampered with, have they?

Ferncloud: Nope, they're tamper proof after the Cinderpelt incident last season. You're definitely safe, Reddles.

Redtail: YAAAAAAAAAY! But DON'T CALL ME REDDLES! Still, YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Ferncloud: Okay, calm down, because now I'm going to announce the next safe cat! After rec-

Redtail: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Ferncloud: Are you finished?

Redtail: Yes.

Ferncloud: Okay, after rec-

Redtail: YAAAAAAAAY!

Ferncloud: (glares furiously) After rec-

Redtail: YAAAAAAAAAY! 

Ferncloud: SHUT UP! SHUT THE (bleep) UP!

Redtail: (falls backwards and cries)

Daisy: Ferncloud said a swear! Ferncloud said a swear!

Rosepetal: Nuuuuuuuuuuuu. Such tragedy.

Ferncloud: (annoyed sigh) Okay, are we all done? Well and truly?

Everyone but Redtail: Yes.

Ferncloud: After receiving the next LOWEST votes to EVICT from their fellow housemates, the next cat safe is...

Ivypool: (whispers) Not Runningwind, not Runningwind.

Ferncloud: RUNNINGWIND!

Ivypool: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Runningwind: Yes! Oh, my love, you can barely contain your excited squeals! Celebratory hug! (tacklehugs Ivypool)

Ivypool: SCREW YOU, STARCLAN!

Redtail: Ooops.

Ivypool: You guys suck too. You could have evicted him, but no! You had to let me suffer!

Spiderleg: Should I be concerned that I got so many votes to evict, or...?

Yellowfang: Relax, everyone voted for Daisy. The only vote you got was from her.

Spiderleg: Well, in that case. (punches Daisy)

Daisy: NUUUUUUUU!

Spiderleg: Hey, this feels pretty good! No wonder you do it so often!


(on stage)

Ferncloud: Poor Daisy! Two housemates are now nervously awaiting their fate! Who will go: Daisy or Spiderleg? Well, I think we all know the answer, but stick around anyway. It will be quite amusing. See you after the break!


(after the break)

Ferncloud: Welcome back! It's now time to find out who will be next evicted! Let's cross to the house to tell everyone!

(Ferncloud crosses to the house)

Ferncloud: Hi everyone!

Daisy: (sigh) I know I'm gone, can we just get this over with, please?

Ferncloud: Sure, it's your eviction night.

Daisy: Thank you.

Yellowfang: YOU ACTUALLY OBEYED A COMMAND FROM DAISY!?

Ferncloud: Yes I did. Now, Daisy, Spiderleg, one of you is just seconds away from leaving the Big Brother house. After receiving the MOST amount of votes to EVICT from their fellow housemates, it's time to go... 

(Daisy starts walking towards the doors) 

Daisy: Bye everyone! I had a great time!

Yellowfang: Yeah, go away. 

Ferncloud: B-but... BIG BROTHER!?

Big Brother: GET BACK IN TO THE LOUNGE ROOM!

Daisy: But I know I'm getting evicted!

Big Brother: Yes, me too, but still! You're ruining the moment!

Daisy: (sigh) Fine. 

(Daisy walks back to the lounge room)

Ferncloud: Thankyou. Okay, now where was I? Oh yes. It's time to go... SPIDERLEG!

(shocked silence)

Daisy: Ferncloud, you've got to be kidding me. 

Yellowfang: Yes, for once, Daisy's right. There must be a mistake!

Ferncloud: The producer thought that too. He checked the votes thirty times, and got the same result each time. Spiderleg, you're evicted. 

Yellowfang: (bursts in to tears)

Ivypool: Woah... Freaky!

Runningwind: YES! NOW IVYWIND IS THE ONLY COUPLE!

Spiderleg: I... I... I can't believe it! I'm evicted... over Daisy?

Big Brother: (sigh) I can't believe it either, Spiderleg, but it's true. You have 10 seconds to leave the Big Brother house.

Yellowfang: (sobbing uncontrollably) This isn't right! This isn't right! This can't be happening!

(Spiderleg walks towards the doors)

Redtail: Bye, Spiderleg!

Spottedleaf: Yes, goodbye! 

Mousefur: Bye!

Yellowfang: (still sobbing) SCREW YOU, GUYS! SCREW YOU! 

Spiderleg: Well, you guys blew it. The one chance you had to get rid of Daisy and you blew it. I hope you're happy.

(Spiderleg exits)

Yellowfang: (runs to the bedroom sobbing)

Cloverhill: Awwwww! I totally shipped Spiderfang!


(on stage) 

Ferncloud: Please welcome evictee number four, SPIDERLEG!

(Spiderleg walks on stage)

Ferncloud: Hi there!

Spiderleg: I still can't believe I'm out...

Ferncloud: Trust me, Spiderleg, none of us can either. Sit down.

(they sit down)

Ferncloud: Well, the good thing is, now that you're out, we can see who voted for you. And after that, I can kill- er, I mean, you can be really mad at them. Look up here at this table:


Contestnat Vote
Yellowfang Daisy
Rosepetal Redtail
Ivypool Runningwind
Graystripe Daisy
Spottedleaf Spiderleg
Redtail Daisy
Cloverhill Runningwind
Daisy Spiderleg
Runnngwind Spiderleg
Spiderleg Daisy
Thornclaw Spiderleg
Mousefur Spiderleg

FINAL TALLY:

SPIDERLEG 5

Daisy 4

Runningwind 2

Redtail 1


Spiderleg: Mousefur voted for me? Wow, that hurts. Good job to Redtail for only getting one vote, though.

Ferncloud: Why does Mousefur voting for you hurt?

Spiderleg: She was my mentor!

Ferncloud: TRAITOR! D: (loads shotgun)

Producer: FERNCLOUD!

Ferncloud: Sorry. Spiderleg, before you go, we need to ask you one important question.

Spiderleg: Yes?

Ferncloud: Do you ship Spiderfang?

Spiderleg: Maybe.

Ferncloud: IT'S TRUE! SPIDERFANG IS OFFICIAL!

(crowd cheers)

Spiderleg: I SAID MAYBE!

Ferncloud: But that means yes when you're talking about crushes and shippings!

Spiderleg: Screw you. 

Ferncloud: I'm your mother, thank you!

Spiderleg: EWWWWWWW!

Ferncloud: THAT'S EVEN MORE INSULTING!

Spiderleg: I'm sorry! D:

Ferncloud: You'd better be. Now, who are you giving your superpower to. 

Spiderleg: You know what? I'm giving it to Cloverhill. I'd like to see her get far in the game, she was cool.

Ferncloud: Okay, Cloverhill has the superpower! Come back next week where, hopefully, everyone who voted for Spiderleg is dead, and more drama unfolds in the house! I'm your host Ferncloud, and Spiderleg has just been evicted. Goodnight!

Spiderleg: Goodnight!

Ferncloud: Now, where did I put my shotgun?


Will Fernshade actually kill the housemates who voted for Spiderleg? Will Mousefur ever shut up about lines? What happens next in the Daisy vs, Yellowfang rivalry? And, in a BBTC first, who will be disqualified from the game? Find out all this and MORE in Big Brother: ThunderClan Season 3/Week Six!

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