If you do leave a comment, could it please be constructive criticism? Sorry to be annoying, I just really want to improve my work, and would really appreciate it if you gave me some tips on what to work on.
Rain fell steadily, and by the ominous clouds overhesd predicted it would continue to do so for a while longer. The river, which had been quite dry for the past moon or so, was almost overflowing, and the pale grey tabby sitting by its banks kept moving further and further away from it, in a pointless attempt to keep her paws dry. After a while, she was joined by another, a muscular white tom with tufted ears. He dipped his head to her on a sign of respect, and she smiled.
“Whitestorm. You came.”
Whitestorm, for that was who the tom was, purred. “Yes, Brindleface. Or course I came.”
Brindleface smiled slightly. “Well, thank you anyway. You know what we must discuss.”
The tom sighed. “Yes, yes I do. I wish it wasn’t nescessary though... surely Ashfur will be fine? He’s a good cat., however much everyone seems to think him a villain.”
Brindleface nodded. “I know. He is a good cat.”
“Then is this really nescessary?” Whitestorm asked, relieved she wasn’t arguing much.
Brindleface nodded once more. “It is. It’s not him that’s the villain, it’s her. Mapleshade. We have to rescue him.”
“Yes. You know it is. Please. We have to do this. For him. I know it seems harsh... but still. We have to send a sign.” A small, dusky brown coloured she-cat had joined them. Brindleface purred at the sight of her. “Robinwing!”
Robinwing ignored her. “Whitestorm, if you don’t act soon, Ashfur is doomed. He‘ll go to the Dark Forest. Do you want that?” Whitestorm shook his head. Robinwing nodded. “I thought not. I‘ve managed to find a cat who can save Ashfur for us. But to clear his head, to dispell the creature Mapleshade... we have to kill your son.”
Ashfur glanced around. Lionblaze, who was on his right, seemed to be fixated on a thorn bush. Ashfur squinted, and made out the faint shape of a mouse under it. Soon, Lionblaze was creeping forwards, footsteps light, weight balanced. With a quick dart into the thorn bush, he emerged with a srawny mouse and a few thorns sticking out of the thick ring of fur around his neck.
"Good catch." Ashfur dipped his head at his former apprentice. Lionblaze nodded, but didn't answer, most likely because his mouth was full of mouse/