I know some cats would hate me for what I've done. They would say that I have ruined ThunderClan. But they have never felt as I did.
I was only a kit when Squirrelflight's father, Firestar, came into the Clan. The first time I really remember him was when everyone was talking about him bringing a kit into the Clan, and my mother, Brindleface, agreed to suckle him. My sister, Fernkit, and I had already lost two of our siblings, so it was nice for another kit to be with. He would later become Cloudpaw, one of my best friends in the Clan.
I had already become a warrior when Squirrelkit and her sister were born. I visited the nursery once to look at them, but I didn't pay much attention to them. Also, I felt slighty annoyed everytime I went there, because I couldn't believe that right after her warrior ceremony, my sister ended up in the nursery. I mean, didn't she want to do something valuable? At least her mate was Dustpelt, who was my former mentor.
It was only when Squirrelpaw and Brambleclaw ran off that I began to really think about her. I remembered her shining green eyes, filled with joy and happiness, and I couldn't help but be amazed by her spirit. You wouldn't believe how relieved I was to see her after she came back. And how did I think of Brambleclaw, you may ask? Well, even before he stole her affections, I still had a grudge towards him, because his father, Tigerstar, who looked so much like him, had killed my mother, Brindleface. And it was all too obvious to me that Hawkfrost was somewhere in the family, though I didn't think much of him.
As we made the journey to the lake, my feelings for her grew stronger and stronger. It was a burning desire I felt for her, like the fire that burned the old ThunderClan camp. No cat in StarClan nor in The Place of No Stars had such power as this felling for her, or the hate that grew in me for Brambleclaw. Madness, pure, madness, I thought, when he started showing affections for Squirrelflight!
When she told me she did not love me, something even worse grew in my heart. Hatred, yes, but I still felt desire for her. I wanted to tell that she had to choose me or face the fire of my wrath, but then an opportunity came along. Hawkfrost seemed to have the cunning of his father, and he had come up with a perfect genius plot. The reason for his plan was for him and Brambleclaw to take over the forest, but I knew better than him. I knew that Brambleclaw would refuse to kill Firestar, and then Hawkfrost or someone would kill him, and even if he did kill Firestar, I planned to tell the Clan, and he would be sent into exile. So I agreed to the plan.
Blackstar was in the plan, too, but I thought that it wouldn't hurt to bring my apprentice, Birchpaw, into the plan. Hawkstar told me that he disliked me bringing kin into this, but I argued that I did not think of Birchpaw as my sister's kit. He was merely a cat who would do anything I told him to, and a perfect choice for his job.
The plan did not go as Hawkfrost or I had expected, of course. I was deeply afraid that someone would find out I had helped, and I knew that my dear Squirrelflight could smell my fear-scent as I led her to Hawkfrost's final resting place, but I think she thought that I was simply afraid for her father. She was my desire, but very foolish, yes.
But as time went by, I began to think of what I had done. If Brambleclaw died, Squirrelflight would not fall for me. She practically hated me when I began mocking her and Brambleclaw's relationship. And I didn't want to make her unhappy. My old feelings returned, however, when Firestar gave me Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw's son, Lionpaw, to train. I tried to hide them, but one time at the training hollow, I lashed out at him, not thinking about the warrior code or my dignity, but wanting to rip his throat. But he was unstoppable, able to block my every move. I was chastised like a kit for attacking him, but after that I knew I had to keep my feelings hidden.
I've begun to think what will happen to my future, with all that is going on now. I still think of back in the days when I hoped that my sweet heart's desire would choose me, and not the fire. The End.
Well, hope you like my first fanfiction! If you see a few similarites between this and the song Hellfire from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, I got some of the ideas from it. It really fits Ashfur.--Shaf Girl 01:36, 14 October 2008 (UTC)