Ashfeather's Choice[]
I can go back.
I can watch her. I can help her more.
Ashfeather, savior.
Ashfeather, special one.
Ashfeather, jerk.
Ashfeather, the cat who didn’t use his abilities to stop.
It gets lonely without her being there. She doesn’t walk to me in my dreams. She walks to her mate. She walks to her kits. She walks to nightmares upon nightmares from bad experience. She calls for me, but she knows I’m there. At least, I think she does.
It’s a very odd night. She walks elsewhere, talking to her son, who died recently. She herself is very heavily injured on the outside - today was a major battle. Several cats have died or are close to dying. She might die. And I need to stop her from doing so.
Her son apologizes for what he did. How he died. His kits. His inability to save his best friend. I saw all of that through her eyes. She talks gently back to him, whispering words I cannot hear. She mentions me. “Ashfeather used to love doing what you did. He would always play with me the most.”
Memories of when I was alive flood back. I was really rather quiet as a kit, and she was always doing things I didn’t. She once swam in a river. At one point, she started training in her dreams. At one point during those dreams, she killed me.
Her claws on my throat.
My body, waking in the heavens.
She, dying.
I couldn’t stand to see her die - I knew she had a future ahead. I knew she would keep going on. I knew what she could do.
So I let myself go, with permission from the heavens. I gave up my spiritual life for her to live. I could live her life like this.
Her life. My life.
“Ashfeather.” The voice shocks me, and I glance over my shoulder. It’s...
“Oh, hello, Mother.” This is my mother - Flashstorm. “What’s up?”
“You miss her seeing you.” Her gray tabby tail wraps around me. “Thing is, she can’t see you. She’s too far beyond too see you.”
What?! “What does that mean?”
“It means…” She takes a breath. “It’s time to go back. Leave her alone. She will die soon enough anyway.”
“How do you-”
“Ashfeather, you forgot that I am part of the heavens,” she mutters. “You will separate from her. Become your own. Live on your own, and you can see everyone. I’m sure Branchkit and Driftkit will be glad to see you.”
“What if I don’t want to live on my own?!” It hurts - even though she can’t see me much, I don’t really want to leave her. “What if I want to stay with her?!”
Flashstorm blinks her green eyes. They almost go dark with thought.
“You have a choice.” She stares at me, and beyond, to her daughter. “Stay with her in the heavens. Come with her. Show her around.”
“Other option?”
“You can also...” She sighs. “Go back. Live through your eyes. Enter her clan and fit in like a normal cat. Do what she would want you to do.”
“You have ten days. Decide then, or you’re going to the heavens with me.”
Oh.
Alright.
~
If I go back, I can live.
If I go back, I can see my Clanmates.
If I go back, I get to live the life that was taken away from me.
She wakes up briefly, stirring. I can feel hunger in her stomach. I can see cobwebs and herbs on her fur. I can see the medicine cat - a blind, blue-eyed tom - perk up from beside another cat, one who's a dark gray tom. "Oh, Hawkfeather! Go back to sleep, you need to rest." She struggles to stand. "Hawkfeather, you need to rest. I want you to rest, so you can recover."
Her stomach roars. The tom seems to panic and trots outside. He returns with her favorite - a bird. It looks blurry in her eyes, but has gray and blue feathers. She bites into it, but it feels worse to eat then to just sit, even if she is hungry.
I feel bad - she's going to look for me. She's dying. Flashstorm was right.
Flashstorm was right. She is dying.
The tom turns away and back to some of the other cats. She can hear him talking, but it is faint in her ears. She can hear someone...
She falls asleep. Suddenly I can feel her son, Flashstorm, Branchkit, Driftkit, her sister and brothers. All of the deceased kits of her sister, who, beside me, gently licks my head. Flashstorm's sister. Flashstorm's mate. Her sister's mate. Her three kits, who she lost due to a horrid accident. They're waiting for her.
They're waiting for someone.
They're waiting for me.
Flashstorm comes to my side again. "Ashfeather. She's getting closer and closer to death. Each day she stays like this is a day off of your decision." She blinks at me gently. "Son, I love you. But you need to make this decision, so she can come, and so you don't have to feel trapped anymore."
How does she know I felt that way?! "How do you -"
"It's obvious you feel like you can't help her, and can't do anything else." She places her tail on my flank. "Let her go. Decide where you want to go." It doesn't feel right.
Her old Dark Forest mentor is here somewhere. Typhon.
"Flashstorm." She stares me in the eye with a gentle gaze. "I don't know if I can do this."
She sighs sadly. "It's her time. Make your decision, while everyone is here."
I can sense a relative. "I'm sorry. I know what I'm going to do."
She smiles the best she can. "Do it. We love you, Ashfeather."
I join her family. Branchkit and Driftkit rub gently against my side. Her sister nods her thanks to me. Her three kits stand under me as I sit on the starry air. "We missed you, Ashfeather," one says.
She appears. "Ashfeather!"
"Sis," I breathe. She doesn't have nearly as many scars now that she's here. "Come say hello, sis."
She winds her way through everyone, saying her hellos, seeing her sister again, seeing her kits and family again. She hasn't said hello to Flashstorm yet...
She locks eyes with her mother. "Flashstorm! FlashstormFlashstormFlashstorm!" She nearly tackles her mother. "I missed you so, so, so much." She turns to me. "And you, Ashfeather. Where'd you go?"
"I went nowhere." She gasps. "I was here. You couldn't see me." I can feel things shifting under my paws. "But I need to go." I approach her, pressing myself to her dark brown tabby fur. Her green eyes blink gently at me. "My time is soon. I'm returning to my Clan."
The family watches me and her. She gasps as the starry lights overtake me. "Ash?! Why?!"
"Because it's my time to shine. Be the cat I always wanted to be. Be what I was for you." My heart bangs against my chest and burns like a scalding fire. "I'm so sorry. See you later, sis."
I can't see her anymore. It's dark.
One of her grandchildren has just given birth. "Your name is Ashkit."
Ashkit.
Watch out, world. Ashfeather's back.
Author's Note[]
Woo! I finally got to visit Ashfeather.
Ashfeather is actually a real character that I've crafted, and he's very close to me, since he's saved lives. He refused to let his sister die. He lived her life with her. And he deserves a chance.
He's a very, very sensitive character as well, and he was planned to do this a while ago. I didn't think writing this with him would be as fun as it was.
Special thanks to Brams for Hawkfeather's sister's mate, as well as Driftkit, and a very appreciative thanks to Blazey, Whiskers, Patch, and a few other users who aren't on here. You all helped make Ashfeather the cat he was always mean to be.
And don't forget - you always deserve a chance.
-- I wanted to walk with you... 01:17, January 10, 2018 (UTC)