Oh, you don't know what I know,
It's all very complicated, you don't know what I mean.
I never got to admit my secrecy, however:
It came all too late...
And now, I'm just an amber spirit
No cat will ever know what I really wanted
It's all hidden
And it can never be revealed.
A book in The Soaring Wren Series
Amberspirit. A she-cat in WillowClan who knew things no other cat knew - but she was too shy to speak up about it. An untimely death she had, and so many troubles befitted her short life. Now, Amberspirit's story is revisited, and the young she-cat will show you everything she suffered in life.
Soaringstar - lithe pale ginger tom
Ashsky - flecked gray tom with blue eyes
Toadleap - small black-and-white tom with amber eyes
Cinderdust - pale gray she-cat with darker flecks, and dark gray eyes
Lilyleaf - fluffy, short-haired white she-cat with green eyes
Smallspeck - gray tom with small black flecks
Bluemist - dark blue-gray she-cat
Tinywish - small white she-cat with very pale gray paws and ears
Sparrowsong - dark brown tabby tom with lighter flecks
Specklewing- black she-cat with large ginger dapples
Rosefall - cream she-cat with green eyes
Sunfrost - large ginger tom
Burninggaze - ginger-and-white tabby tom with unblinking amber eyes
Tangleleap - light brown she-cat with white dapples down her back
Silverstripe - young silver tom with thick black stripes, and blue eyes
Molepaw - black-and-gray tom
Driftpaw - dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes
Rainpaw - gray she-cat with darker flecks, and blue eyes
Finchpaw - black, ginger and white tom
Shadebreeze - black she-cat, mother to Sunfrost's kits: Ravenkit, Amberkit, and Nightkit
Slightheart - black-and-white she-cat with dark green eyes, mother to Silverstripe's kits: Darkkit, Meadowkit, and Newtkit
Ravenkit - black tom with amber eyes
Amberkit - ginger she-cat with amber eyes
Nightkit - black tom with little silver flecks
Newtkit - white she-cat with tiny black flecks
Darkkit - dark silver tom with lighter silver stripes
Meadowkit - dark gray she-cat with darker flecks
Wolffoot - dark gray tom with lighter gray paws and belly
Littlestep - skinny light brown tabby she-cat with a graying, scarred muzzle
I am a restless spirit.
Up here in StarClan, life doesn't satisfy me as much as it did back in WillowClan. Back there, my life was pleasant - but also overshadowed.
Dying young must be a cause.
Really, I shouldn't have died as a warrior - the only reason I have credit to that is because of my former leader. As I lay on the ground in the midst of battle, many cats crouching over my wounded body, my life seeping out of me - Soaringstar gave me a warrior name as a dying gift, it seemed.
My home was where the heart was.
WillowClan was my pride, as well as my joy. It was where my close family - and ancestors who had walked these lands for countless seasons before me - had lived for moons on end. It just doesn't feel the same up here - I'm dead, after all.
And they will never know...
However, back in WillowClan all those moons ago, I knew many secrets - things not for others. These secrets were all for myself, not for any other cats' ears.
And then there was that last moon before my death - something was growing inside me. t was something invisible...
I loved that tom.
And that thing that was growing inside of me was love.
The tom that I loved was four moons younger than me, when we both were alive. All of the Clan knew that he wasn't Clanborn, not one by blood - he came fleeing from a fire, my brother had told me.
He was never interested in me, though. He was eyeing up that rogue she-cat - the one who had grown up with the litter that was younger than the one I was in.
But my chance has gone now... he's moved on.
However, death brought our part, and I had to move away from him. He found another she-cat to love in the Clan. He has a life down there in WillowClan...
...And me? My life is being up here - a forced life in these star-studded skies, this place which gives me great restlessness. I wish that I was back there, but I know all now. And yet...
I figured out his secret...
Those two - not the cat that he loved, another one - were siblings - littermates, even. I could tell, clear as day, the first time I saw them together. He knows, I can feel it... but the she-cat definitely has no idea.
... But he doesn't know that I knew it as well.
He will never - never ever - know that I knew. He doesn't need to know - I won't tell him. Not until the day he joins StarClan will he know anything that I knew about him.
Now that I'm up here, I really want to share my suffering with someone - I really do. I need to clear all of this out of my head... I need to get over it all. Yet, I don't know how... only the memories remain to speak of now.
Why don't I take you?
...That I could go back.
My name is Amberspirit. I assure you, my life wasn't the life that it seemed it was. Before we set off on my journey - again for me - I'll tell you something. Although y journey looked normal, it was actually very extraordinary - very extraordinary indeed.
Now come on, I'll take you there...
I was the first of my littermates to open my eyes, or so that my mother, Shadebreeze, told me.
The hazy memories from that day tell me that this day was a warm day in greenleaf, and that a soft blue light had filtered into the milk-scented nursery.
Out of my littermates, I was - by far - the smallest of us three, and I was also the only she-cat. Even before I opened my eyes, I found that I was quick to realize this, as my two older brothers - Ravenkit and Nightkit - often ended up pushing me away for milk at Shadebreeze's belly. I'd get them back later once they had done, when I got all the rest of the milk for myself.
The world was dark and silent before I first hear sound, and that was what really captivated me, in a way.
There were so many noises, and they hurt my ears at first. I could hear high-pitched squeals outside all too often, and I wondered what these were. I'd heard about a 'Darkkit', 'Newtkit', and a 'Meadowkit', but I didn't know what these were.
I remember that my eyes shot open for the first time when I'd climbed onto Ravenit's back for some reason, and I'd lost my grip on him and fallen off. The impact - although soft - made my eyelids open, and what I saw was all a blur.
I saw brown, black, white, gray, and ginger flash before my vision, turning into a spiral as I saw the world for the first time.
I was young then, so - naturally - I felt scared as to what just happened. What happened!? I thought to myself, shuffling my head a little bit.
That was when I heard my mother's voice speak to me for the first time: "...You've opened your eyes, little one."
I shivered as a large black shape loomed over me, their amber eyes wide, while I heard her purr softly under her breath. She then turned away slowly, and I heard her speak again, although it was not to me: "Slightheart, the first one's eyes have opened."
"Which one?" asked another voice, and I moved my head a little bit as I saw another shape - which was dark in some places, yet light in others. She was looking at my mother, and I guessed she wanted to know more about this 'eyes have opened' business.
At this, I tried to say something, but it only came out as a thin mewl as I shivered again, before crawling weakly over Ravenkit again on my return to Shadebreeze's side.
Shadebreeze relied to the other cat again: "The little she-kit did - the one who looks like her father." There was a pause, before she continued again: "She will be a little smart one, I can tell right now."
She then turned back to me, and I flailed a paw into my mother's stomach in panic.
However, her rely was soft. "Amberkit," I heard her whisper to me. "Amberkit... Amberkit..."
This made me extremely confused, because I didn't know what this 'Amberkit' was. I cocked my head slightly to one side. Even though I didn't know what it was, I guessed that it was similar to the Darkkit, Newtkit, and Meadowkit that I had heard about earlier.
Shadebreeze shook her head. "Sweet, I mean you..." she sighed, and I saw something move nearby, before it stopped as it saw it face me.
I was still very confused. ...Me? Amberkit? I thought. I then trid to say something again, and to my surprise, something came out: "...Amberkit?"
Shadebreeze nodded. "Yes," she mewed proudly. "You are Amberkit."
I looked beside me for a moment, and this was when I got my first really good eye of my brothers. They looked a lot like my mother, and by the looks of them, I guessed that their eyes were not open yet. Their pelts were dark - but the biggest of them had some lighter flecks on his pelt, that were not light nor dark, about in the middle.
I then looked down, and then I saw one small paw below me. I moved it up, and then I realized that this was mine. However, it wasn't near the colour that I had seen on my mother at all. It was completely different.
It was a fiery colour, like my mother's eyes - what that where that 'amber' thing was from? - that I had seen once before when I'd fallen off Ravenkit.
"Different," I muttered to myself weakly, slouching on the ground as I felt my eyelids starting to droop. I then closed my eyes, and I saw the calming blackness that I had seen before.
The last thing that I remember Shadebreeze saying on that particular day was this: "Yes, Amberkit. You are different, as is everyone else. That makes you special... and that is a very good thing."