This is a songfic from the album Love
This is a song from Taylor Swift's album Red written by Roboflight.
All Too Well
A SquirrelXBramble Songfic
All Too Well
I walked through the door with you
The air was cold, but something 'bout it felt like home somehow
I emerged through the entrance to camp, Squirrelflight at my side, as we returned from a long hunt, prey hanging in our jaws as we made our way to the fresh-kill pile.
I gently shook my pelt, trying to scare of the cold feeling that was lingering on it, as we dropped off the prey and began to head towards our den.
"This was a fun hunt," She whispered to me gently, leaning against me, and I felt a charge of energy souring through my pelt at her touch.
"It was," I whispered dreamily, "I'd love to go hunting again with you sometime soon."
"As would I," her whiskers twitched gently, and her pelt shimmered under the moonlight. I sighed, feeling so fortunate to have her by my side.
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house
And you still got it in your drawer even now
The next we had gone for a gentle walk together, our pelts brushing and tails entwined the whole time. The forest had been quite and gentle, almost set up for our walk.
We had paused when we reached the lake, sucking in the deep, gentle scent of the water, while Squirrelflight placed her shoulder against mine.
It had felt like love.
On the way back to camp I had picked a flower, which I had found on the side of the path. It was a bright red color, and a beautiful plant, and it had reminded me of her.
I'm know she still has it, even now after everything we've been through. I've seen the gentle flowers poking out from under her nest. It's a miracle the flower hasn't been torn or crushed yet. I suppose it was stronger than I thought it ever could be when I plucked it on that walk that seems so distant now.
Just like her.
Oh your sweet disposition and my wide eyed gaze
We're singing in the car getting lost upstate
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place
We had spent several happy, long seasons together after I had killed Hawkfrost. She never brought him up, knowing it wasn't really a topic I wanted to converse on. Instead we chose happier topic.
I had been delighted to discover that she was bearing my kits.
I had spent several nights, unable to fall asleep at the thought that I would have kin in this Clan; with the one cat I loved most in the world.
Not realizing what a lie it was.
And how much it would make me doubt that she really was the cat I loved.
And I can picture it after all these days
And I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here no more
And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all
But now... those nights seem so distant and bland. Instead of being unable to drift off to sleep because of excitement it is from rage and dread.
And I try to act like it's all okay in front of the Clans, in front of my friends and who I once thought had been my family, and in front of her.
But I'm not.
Yet I can't let her know the effect she has on me. The pain I have been put through because of her. Sometimes I wonder if she is ever sorry; and if that were to be the case, if, perhaps, one day we could create that magical and wild spark between us again.
But I don't let myself hope for it. What's past is past.
Cause here we are again on that little town street
You almost ran the red cause you were looking over me
Some nights when I fall asleep all I can dream about are the adventures we had together on the quest. How she wasn't even supposed to be there but worked her way into our group.
She had been impossible to deny.
And I would be back on the mountains, the forests, and the lakes all over again, where we would watch out for each other, and have wild adventures that we were sure we would tell the tales of for many moons to come.
Stormfur, who has seemed like such competition back then, was so petty compared to the troubles of my relationship with Squirrelflight at the moment.
Wind in my hair I was there I remember it all too well
The wonderful sensation that came with having the wind gently slide through my pelt was nothing compared to that when Squirrelflight placed her pelt against mine.
And we would stare off into the distance wondering what our future would bring to us.
Now I wonder if I would have liked to know.
Photo album on my counter
Your cheeks were turning red
The memories can bring sharp pictures back to my mind, which continue to flash in my head ominously, taunting me about what I lost.
What I had been foolish enough to believe I would be able to hold onto.
You used to be a little kid with your glasses in a twin size bed
And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the t-ball team
Once Sandstorm had realized a had an interest in her daughter, the two of us had began to spend some time together talking about her.
Sandstorm would tell me what she liked and what she didn't like, while I would explain to her what I thought was so great about the she-cat.
You tell me about your past thinking your future was me
Squirrelflight and I had spent quite some time together telling stories about our past and explaining what we thought our futures would contain.
We had thought it was each other.
Though I know much better than that now.
And I know it's long gone, and there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to
When I was a kit, Goldenflower used to tell me tales of cats, and their adventures. There would always be a gorgeous she-cat that the tom would save, while fighting the villain with his shaggy, dark, rough pelt, that smelled utterly like fox-dung. In those tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. He was terrifying with yellow fangs and dark red eyes so you always knew who he was.
Then you grow up and you realize that the pretty she-cat you were supposed to save is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not terrifying and ugly and he's not easy to spot; she's really funny, and she makes you laugh, and she has a perfect pelt.
Cause here we are again in the middle of the night
We're dancing round the kitchen in the refrigerator light
And the bad guy always made it so clear who he was. They wouldn't try to disguise themselves and the pain they would try to put you too.
I can never forget all those nights Squirrelflight and I spent together under the stars, telling joked, rolling around and enjoying each other.
I had thought it was pure love.
How foolish I had been.
Down the stairs I was there I remember it all too well
And when I think back to my past a lot of it is hazy. I can hardly remember what I was thinking when I brought my claws down on Hawkfrost.
I can hardly remember what I was thinking when I watched Feathertail being killed up in the mountains. All of those deep moments of action, when my heart was thumping unbearably were just a blur.
Except for those moments I spent with Squirrelflight. They just clung to me so dearly and desperately, begging to occupy my thoughts.
They were impossible to forget.
And maybe we got lost in translation
Maybe I asked for too much
Maybe it was my fault to ask her not to keep the secret of Leafpool's kits from me. They were after all, I remind myself painfully, not my kits.
And not my business.
Besides, Leafpool had been the closest cat to Squirrelflight; closer than she could ever be to any of cat, even her own mate.
And I had grown to love them as if they were my own kits. I did care about them deeply, even though I only watched over their lives from a distance.
Even if they weren't my kits or kin.
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece
Till you tore it all
Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well
But that didn't mean I couldn't feel betrayed.
Squirrelflight obviously didn't trust me, didn't love me enough to tell me about the kits, even once they had become proud warriors of the Clan.
If she was going to load the responsibility of being a father on me I should have been told the truth. From the very start.
It was natural that I would want to avoid her. Ever since Hollyleaf spilled at the gathering my life has been turned around and now my nights are restless and my days are agonizing.
The mystical, what I had though could be inseparable, love that once existed between us had been teared and ripped into pieces by Squirrelflight.
Yeah, you called me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I remember there had been a dark stormy night, a few moons after Hollyleaf had "died" in the tunnels, when I had been wondering the forest aimlessly, rotting within my own dark feeling.
"Brambleclaw?" I remember hearing a soft, gentle voice and turning my head up to see Squirrelflight staring at me, her eyes wide with apology, shame, and one more feeling...
I remember the feeling that had surged through my body, "Yes?"
She had her jaw wide open and I could tell she was about to apologize to me. Apologize for everything she had done, said, and the pain she had put me through.
I thought that perhaps I could forgive her.
And then her gaze had straightened, "What are you doing out here in the cold? ThunderClan needs a strong, healthy deputy. You could get sick!"
Rage had boiled through me before I had whipped around and snapped at her, "I would be much stronger than I am right now if not for your lies!" before storming off.
I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lying here
Cause I remember it all all all too well
And now I feel useless, pointless and hopeless. I've lost the real love of my life, and I don't think anything ever like it will reach me again.
No matter what I will never be able to put this pain behind me.
Because I can't forget this. I can't forget her, and the love.
I can't forget the pain she put me through.
Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again'
And now I just yearn to reach StarClan, where perhaps I can find happiness in my life again. Because she had been the truest happiness I had ever found.
I ever could find.
But time seems to move slower than ever without her. I remember how quickly are nights together seemed to pass, but my nights alone are so long and agonizing.
They keep taunting me with what I had.
What I lost.
What I can never forget.
But I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But your keep my old scarf from that very first week
A part of me wondered, still wonders if she misses me like I miss her. If she needs me like I needed her. If she still wonders how it all went so wrong.
If it couldn't have taken back the lie I wonder if she would have.
And I normally doubt it.
But whenever I see that gentle flower sticking out from underneath her nest it sends a gently surge of hope through me body. A surge of joy. A surge of love.
Because I know she still cares and remembers, even if it is just the slightest bit. And although I doubt I can ever forgive her that doesn't mean I can ever forget her.
Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it, cause you remember it all too well
And maybe, I can't help wondering-hoping-that it might be the case for her as well. She remembers everything we did as vividly as I do.
Because the thought of going through this isolation and loneliness alone is terrifying.
Even if it means I have to go through it with her.
Because I just remember it so well.
Cause there we are again and I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known'
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
The strangest thing, however...
I doubt that I would change my mind to love her if I was given the chance to make that choice all over again. She's made me a better cat. She's helped me experienced things I'd never been able to before.
Without her, I might be Hawkfrost's minion at the moment.
If not for her Firestar would most likely be dead.
If not for her I don't want to imagine the state of the forest.
But that doesn't mean I can't be mad at her for her lies.
Although I doubt I can ever stop loving her.
Wind in my hair you were there you remember it all
Down the stairs you were there you remember it all
And suddenly, I can feel it all flashing back before my head.
The way back.
Leading the Clans together to their new home.
And how we quickly made up after them.
The midnight strolls.
Her gorgeous face.
And I realize, gently, that maybe I don't want to forget it. The memories do hurt, they feel like glass against my paws, but they have meaning.
More meaning than anything else in my life. Besides, it wasn't like I had the choice as to whether or not I wanted to put up with them.
Because they would always follow me, no matter what.
I remembered them all too well.
It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well