100 WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF THUNDERCLAN!!!!
I have moved it back, I didn't want to deprive you all of it!
Welcome to 100 Ways To Get Kicked Out Of ThunderClan!! I am your wonderful host, Leafstripe, and I will be guiding you through this wonderful journey! So, lets begin! NOTE:CROWSTAR INHERITED HATING WAFFLES FROM FIRESTAR.
- 1 Number 1:Pickpocket
- 2 Number 2: Relatives
- 3 NUMBER THREE: Grandma
- 4 NUMBER FOUR: The Bully Song
- 5 NUMBER FIVE: When Crowstar's Away
- 6 NUMBER 6: You broke a StarClan cat!
- 7 Crowstar: *tired from last week's party (see number 5 "When Crowstar's Away") Ughh... We need some discipline in this place...
- 8 Number 7: Crowstar's French Boyfriend
Leafstripe: Hey, Crowstar, can I talk to you?
Crowstar: Sure. What about?
Whisperpelt:*sneaks up behind Crowstar with the intent of stealing her wallet*
Leafstripe:*Nods to Whisperpelt and then nods to Crowstar* Oh, I just want to talk to you about some ceremonies...
Crowstar: OH NO, YOU AREN'T GOING TO DO THE 47-WAFFLE-CEREMONY, ARE YOU?? FIRESTAR TOLD ME ABOUT IT IN A DREAM.
Leafstripe: No, no, a NEW ceremony
Whiperpelt:*starts backing up as if she can't do this and shakes head no*
Leafstripe: *hisses at Whisperpelt* Yes you will! Uhh, I mean, well, the ceremony is you have to learn about pi!
Crowstar: Oh, you mean learn to make pie?
Whisperpelt:*finally creeps up and swipes wallet*
Crowstar: Oh. Ok! That can't be too hard!
Leafstripe: Actually, I'm good now. Thanks!
15 MINUTES LATER...
Crowstar:*angrily* CLAM YEETING!
Leafstripe:*questioningly* Don't you mean "Clan Meeting"?
Crowstar:*infuriatedly* No, I mean CLAM YEETING, YA' WALLET STEALER!!
Leafstripe:*to self* UH-OH
Clan:*slowly files out of den*
Crowstar: Ahem. SOMEONE STOLE MY WALLET. I BELIEVE IT HAPPENED WHEN I WAS TALKING TO LEAFSTRIPE. WE WILL SIT HERE, IN THE RAIN, UNTIL SOMEBODY ADMITS.
*crickets chirp as nothing happens*
Crowstar: I SAID, WE WILL SIT HERE, IN THE RAIN.
*suddenly starts raining*
20 MINUTES LATER....
Whisperpelt: Come on, Leafstripe! I can't take sitting here anymore!
Leafstripe: Ok, ok. I will.
Leafstripe: *shouts* CROWSTAR! CROWSTAR, IT WAS WHISPERPELT! i HAD TO REMEMBER WHO IT WAS AT FIRST, BUT IT WAS WHISPERPELT!
Whisperpelt: WHAT! HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME WHEN YOU PLANNED IT!
Crowstar:*angrily* BOTH OF YOU ARE BANISHED!!!
Leafstripe & Whisperpelt:WHA...
Crowstar: OUT!! NOW!!!
Number 2: Relatives
Leafstripe: *walks in Crowstar's den with tuxedo on and peice of paper on silver platter* This is for you.
Crowstar: I thought I banished you!
Leafstripe: Nope! I went back in time and erased that. I'm surprised you still remember that!
Leafstripe: Anyway, JUST READ THE PAPER!
Crowstar:Jeez, ok, ok.
Crowstar:*mumbles incoherently as reads paper* WOW!!! $10,000 from my dead great-great-great aunt in... SHADOWCLAN!!! IS THIS ANOTHER TRICK TO STEAL MY MONEY?!
Leafstripe:*thinks:yes, pauses for a moment then speaks* NOOO..... J-Just keep reading!
Crowstar:*mumbles incoherently as she reads more* ...pay...$5,000.....TigerShadow Real Estate.
Crowstar: Ok! Sounds legit.
2 DAYS LATER.....
Tigerstar2: Hello? I'm here to collect some mo...
Leafstripe: *interrupts* No, no. Put on this tuxedo,... and this apprentice will be your partner, Shadowpaw.
Tigerstar2:...Uhh, that is my son, Shadowpaw.
Leafstripe: Whatever! Oh, she's coming! Act formal, and not like.... ShadowClan.
Leafstripe: Remember, Crowstar doesn't know we set this up.
Crowstar: Hello! Are you the people I'm supposed to pay all this money to? TigerShadow Real Estate?
Tigerstar2:*hesitates* Yup! That's me! I'm Tiger, and this is my so-I mean partner, Shadow.
Crowstar: Wait a second, you smell like ShadowClan...
*everything and everyone goes silent, moment of truth*
Crowstar:Oh well! You probably had to go there before you came here!
Tigerstar2/Tiger:..Sure, that's totally what happened.
Crowstar:*hands money* Anyway, here is that 5,00
Shadowpaw/Shadow:Thank you! This will make ShadowCl- I mean, this will make so many kits happy when we donate the money to the kit orphanage, isn't that right, Tiger?
Tigerstar/Tiger: That it will, Shadow. That it will.
SOME WEEKS LATER, AT THE GATHERING (i had to say weeks because when I wrote that part I forgot it was called Quarter-Moon and i am too lazy to change it xD)
Mistystar: Welcome to the gathering. Would you like to start Crowstar?
Crowstar:*stands up* Yes, thank you Mistystar. A relative of mine passed away recently. I barely knew her, so you don't have to bow your heads and all that stuff.
*gathering gasps as if somebody did some terrible crime*
Crowstar: But, I did recieve $10,000 of inheritance, though I did have to pay $5,000 to a "TigerShadow Real Estate".
Tigerstar2:*stands up* I recieved a payment of $5,000,
Leafstripe:*starts making "no-no" signs at Tigerstar2 and shaking head*
Tigerstar2: With the help of a "Leafstripe of TC",
Tigerstar2: From ThunderClan.
Crowstar: *angry as hell* LEAFSTRIPE!!!!!
Leafstripe: I'm screwed. *runs off*
NUMBER THREE: Grandma
NOTE:LEAFSTRIPE IS CROWSTAR'S DAUGHTER. I DIDN'T MENTION UNTIL NOW BECAUSE IT BECAME RELEVANT ON THIS ONE. ALSO, AT THIS POINT, LEAFSTRIPE HAS BEEN GONE FOR ABOUT A YEAR.
Crowstar:*still grieving her daughter* I don't know why I drove Leafstripe away. Now she's gone and I'll never see her again.
*at that very moment Leafstripe shows up with 2 kits*
Leafstripe:Crowstar! Crowstar! Come out here!
Leafstripe:*races toward Whisperpelt with the kits on her back* Whisperpelt!
Crowstar:*pads out of den then races to Leafstripe as whole clan huddles up around her*
Mudstrip:Leafstripe, where were you?
Riverleap: Leafstripe, why did you leave?
Daisyshine:*loudly* Leafstripe, who's kits are those?
Leafstripe:Ok, ok. One question at a time. To Mudstrip, I left Clan territory, knowing that I would be banished. To Riverleap, I answered your question along with Mudstrip's. To Daisyshine, these are my kits, Birchkit and Sunkit.
Daisyshine: I had already guessed that, but who is the father?
Leafstripe:*hesitates then speaks* That's another one. Anyway, Birchkit, Sunkit, this is your clan.
Birchkit and Sunkit:*in unison* Hello!
Leafstripe:*turns around* Birchkit, Sunkit, this is your grandmother, Crowstar.
Birchkit and Sunkit: Grandma!
Croiwstar: Wait, what now?
Leafstripe: *interrupting Crowstar* Crowstar, do you mind if Birchkit and Sunkit follow you around? I promise they won't be a bother, isn't that right kits?
Birchkit: Yes mother!
Sunkit: Sure thing, mother!
15 MINUTES LATER...
Sunkit: Grandma, I'm bored.
Birchkit: Grandma, can we go hunt thrushes?
Sunkit: Grandma, can we explore?
Birchkit: Grandma, can we go fight the other clans?
Birchkit and Sunkit: GRANDMA!!
Crowstar:*waking up* Huh? Where's the battle?
Sunkit: Thanks a lot Birchkit. You made Grandma think we're fighting.
Birchkit: *in a whiny voice* But I wanna battle!
Sunkit: *outragedly* NO! Are you crazy! We should try to heal the broken bridges between the Clans, not break them further!
Crowstar: Wow. That's deep for a kit.
Sunkit: Yeah. I know.
20 MINUTES LATER...
*Crowstar is walking through the forest, Birchhkit and Sunkit are bouncing after her.*
Birchkit: Grandma, what's it like being leader?
Crowstar: Well, it's a lot of pressure to be perfect, and everybody looks to you.
Birchkit: WOW. It must be hard sometimes.
Crowstar: Why do you kits have to be so deep all the time? You're kits.
Sunkit: Grandma, you need a cat therapist.
Crowstar: *sitting there with stunned look on her face* ...
NUMBER FOUR: The Bully Song
Lakestar:*stomps in TC camp* CROWSTAR!!!!!
Leapstar:*comes in after Lakestar, confused*
Lakestar: We're mad you didnt let us speak at the Gathering! You just let Tigerstar2 speak after you then abruptly ended it!
Whisperpelt: She actually has a point, ya' know.
Crowstar: SHUT UP!!
Leapstar: Uhh.. what are we doing? Lakestar just told me to come here and look angry so I came. (because I'm not a real leader, I just do what everycat else does)
MEANWHILE, IN SHADOWCLAN...
Tigerstar3 (Tigerstar2's grandson): *on ducky float in the middle of the lake* Ahh, this is the life.
Larkstar: *floats over to him on her pink flamingo float* Thanks Tigerstar, for blowing all this money on me, SkyClan, you, and ShadowClan.
ShadowClan and SkyClan: *chants* Tigerstar! Tigerstar! Tigerstar!
Larkstar: *rings bell* Oh Darkspring! We're ready for our cat margaritas!
Darkspring: *swims across the water with silver platter on his back* Here are your drinks.
Tigerstar3: Thank you, Darkspring.
Tigerstar3 and Larkstar: Cheers! To Crowstar for getting us all this money!
BACK AT THUNDERCLAN...
Lakestar:*hisses* Utshay upway, you idiotway!
Sunkit: Grandma, are these cats being bullies?
Birchkit: *without wating for her answer* Don't be a bully that's not nice! Don't be a bully that's not nice!
10 MINUTES LATER...
Lakestar: *going to RiverClan camp* STOP following me!
Sunkit: *continues singing* Nope! Don't be a bully, that's not nice! Don't be a bully, that's not nice!
MEANWHILE, IN WINDCLAN...
Leapstar: *going to WindClan camp* Bug off kit!
Birchkit: Sorry, no! Don't be a bully that's not nice! Don't be a bully that's not nice!
Lakestar and Leapstar: *from two separate places* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
NUMBER FIVE: When Crowstar's Away
Crowstar: Clam Yeeting!
Clan: *walks to sit at the meeting rock* (becuase I, the writer, forgot what it's called, and now that I know what it is called, I am too lazy to go and edit it)
Crowstar: I will be leaving for the day to go take my father to the cat heart doctor since he's so darn stubborn, and doesn't want to take his own furry Jaypaw to the cat heart doctor. (see "What You Can't See" by Blixemi here)
*crickets chirping as Clan shifts uneasily at Crowstar's words*
Crowstar: *gaze sweeps the Clan* Since all of you are so naughty, Sunkit will be in charge. DON'T WRECK THE CAMP!!!!
Clan: *nods affirmatively*
5 MINUTES LATER...
Crowstar: Buh-bye now! I'm leaving!
Whisperpelt: *looks around for Crowstar* Good, she's gone. LET'S PARTAAAAYYYYY!
Birchkit: I'll take the invitations to the other Clans!
*whole Clan freezes in their tracks*
Sunkit: I'll play the music! *starts playing her saxophone she just pulled out of thin air*
SkyClan, WindClan, ShadowClan, and RiverClan: We're here! Let's PARTY!!!!!
Leafstripe, Whisperpelt, Sunkit, and Birchkit: Woo-hoo!!! PARTY TIME!!!
LATER THAT NIGHT......
Crowstar: IIIIIII'M HOOOOOME!!!! WHAT THE HE-
Tigerstar3: *slurred speech cuz' he's #wasted* Wha-? Crowstar! Come join the party!
Leapstar: Yeah! We're living the life over here!
Sunkit: *out of breath*I've been playing jazz music all day! Birchkit, hit it!
Birchkit: *pulls out turntables from thin air and starts playing disco music* DDDDDJJJJJJJ BIRCH IS IN DA HOOOOOOUUUUUSSSEEE!!!!!!
Everybody: *starts dancing and partying like nobody's watching*
Tigerstar3: This is what I call "The Tigerstar Twist"
Tigerstar3: * does terrific spin then tries to backflip and falls flat on face* Oww...
Everybody but Tigerstar3: *laughs like crazy* GET UP TIGERBUTT! (I'm not sure who originally wrote that as "GET UP FIREBUTT!", but I give you the credit. It's a hilarious line I just had to use after reading it.)
NUMBER 6: You broke a StarClan cat!
Crowstar: *tired from last week's party (see number 5 "When Crowstar's Away") Ughh... We need some discipline in this place...
Crowstar: *as if she reached enlightenment* Yes! Discipline! I got it!
*while everybody's still asleep, Crowstar yeets herself to cat heaven aKa StarClan*
Crowstar: Jayfeather! Jayfeather! Wake up, you sleepy bum!
Jayfeather: *blearily cuz all of StarClan was partying with the living Clans* Huh? What? Is my boyfriend Rock finally returning all my stick calls?
Jayfeather: *suddenly awake and alert as he jumps up and his blind eyes bulge out like in those cartoons as he sees Crowstar* WHY ARE YOU HERE!! YOU AREN'T DEAD!
Crowstar: I yeeted myself to StarClan, it's a long story. Actually, that's the whole story. Anyway, I need you to come to ThunderClan and sort this Clan out. Don't mind all the other Clans conked out in the ThunderClan clearing, we had a party
Jayfeather: Yay I get to scare alive cats with my army suit! *yeets army outfit onto himself out of nowhere*
*Crowstar and Army Jayfeather yeet themselves back to ThunderClan, the other Clans begin to wake*
, Crowstar: *cheerily with Jayfeather a little bit to close to her with a big smile on his face* Guys, I'm home!!!
Birchkit: Ooh yay, did grandma finally get a boyfriend so she doesn't live such a lonely life?
Army Jayfeather: *looks at Crowstar with pure disgust and scooches away* I am NOT her BOYFRIEND!!!
Sunkit: Birhkit! We should be happy for grandma and her boyfriend!
Army Jayfeather: *enragedly* I AM NOT HER BOYFRIEND!!!!!
Whisperpelt: Oh, calm down, you old coot. The kits only think that because they're kits. With a high IQ, but still kits.
Army Jayfeather: *with his nose and tail stuck up in the air* I knew that. I just just trying to test you.
Whisperpelt: Suuuuure, and hedgehogs fly.
Army Jayfeather: *grits teeth as he tries not to maul somebody* OK, lets get to discipline, you lazy fools.
Army Jayfeather: *leaps up on Highrock* All right, people. We will have three groups running at a time. Some of you will be with Rockstar, writing theories about the books in which you exist from... Oh wait I wasn't supposed to tell you that...
Clan: *looks confused for a long moment, then freezes in time, then becomes enlightened as they now know that they are just made-up characters in a fanfiction on a wiki created by a random person in the all-vast universe that they don't live in* Ourmindsareblown...
Army Jayfeather: Yeah, yeah, get over it. Anyway, some of you will be with Rockstar, writing theories, others with Gingerstrike writing gore and very dark sections of fanfics, and the rest of you with Icysnow doing allegiances and creating more made-up cats for the fanfics Rockstar will be writing theories about and the fanfics Gingerstrike's gore chapters will be in.
Clan except for Leafstripe, Whisperpelt, and Sunkit: *still sitting in dumbfound amazement* Ourmindsarestillblown...
Army Jayfeather: *enragedly* DID YOU HEAR A WORD I SAID!!!!!
20 MINUTES LATER
Clan: *chatters excitedly, yet unintelligibly as they are really just babbling and their noise rises higher and higher and higher until Jayfeather can't take it anymore*
Army Jayfeather: *pissed offedly* I QUIT!!! THIS CLAN IS HOPELESS AND INCREDIBLY STUPID!! AND HOW ARE THERE MORE CATS!!!
Sunkit: Uhh, the answer is obvious dead dude. The cats of 'There is no "Try"', 'Dawn of the end', and 'Rockleap's Tale' yeeted themselves into our dimension, and now the rest of our universe is furthermore crazily disrupted and utterly confused.
Army Jayfeather: *sits there frozen and stupidly*
Everybody else: *stares at Sunkit and Jayfeather, then Leafstripe* You kit... is a genius.
Leafstripe: She's always been like that, and she's not overly brilliant, she is a genius though, you're just stupid.
15 DAYS LATER...
life has returned to normal, except for Army Jayfeather, who is still frozen on the rock
Whisperpelt and Birchkit: Hey, is there any chance we could've broken a StarClan cat?
Crowstar, Sunkit, and Leafstripe: ...Uhh, I think so...?
Everybody else: WHADDYA MEAN YA THINK SO!!!!!!!
End of dis won :-)
Number 7: Crowstar's French Boyfriend
Sunpaw, Birchpaw, Whisperpelt, and Leafstripe: OH, CROWSTAR!!!
Sunpaw: Look what we got you!
Birchpaw: It's an automatic boyfriend!
Crowstar: But I don't need a boyfriend.
Whisperpelt and Leafstripe: Let's be honest. You do.
Crowstar: Clan, do you think I need a boyfriend?
Crowstar: You really think that?
Crowstar: Well then, open that box!
Leafstripe opens the box and a large russet-red, brown, and white tortoiseshell tom steps out
French Boyfriend: *in le french accent* Bonjour, I am Francis. And you are, madamoiselle?
Crowstar: *in swoony voice* Ooh-la-la!
Francis: *in le french accent* Hello, Ooh-la-la. Shall we go through a lovely walk in the forest?
Crowstar: *snaps out of swoon* No, wait, I'm Crowstar.
Francis: *in le french accent* Even better! Let us go, Crowstar.
Crowstar: Yes, let us Francis.
Crowstar and Francis waltz out of camp, and everybody begins to wonder if this might have been a bad life choice..
TO BE CONTINUED... (i've got to start working on outcasts rise)