Rising from the Ground/Seventeen

SEVENTEEN. GWYN

 Yeah, it's a long way down

I stare blankly at the wall. It’s probably only been an hour since Stormshadow left but it feels like an eternity. What did I do? I berate myself for shedding so many tears but I can’t help it. The tears fall relentlessly on their own, and I can’t bring myself to wipe them aside.

I don’t know how long passes before Ravenflight steps in the prison. Her yellow eyes still have that tinge of kindness that I’ve seen her have since Artic came into her life. I remember the stories of Ravenflight being the reckless one, but she’s never acted like that since I joined their ranks.

But now I can see the edge in her eyes. “Gwyn, Blackthorn wants to talk with you.”

“Tell him to go away,” I close my eyes.

The general steps in. “You don’t have a choice,” he says, almost coldly. I open my eyes and glare at him. “You need to explain yourself.”

“Explain what? That Stormshadow came in here and ran away like a little kit?” I curl my lip, “That had nothing to do with me.”

Ravenflight winces. I frown. Did Stormshadow say something to Ravenflight? Stars, I hope it didn’t try to hurt her or something. That would be my fault. But the black she-cat stays back and lets Blackthorn speak.

“What happened with Ravenflight.” I glance at the fly warrior, who looks away.

“Nothing happened,” I mutter.

Blackthorn narrows his eyes. “I mean what would have happened had Stormshadow didn’t make it in time. You cannot be one of the fly warriors if you plan on taking the lives of all of them sooner or later.”

“Fine!” I stood abruptly, “I don’t want to be a fly warrior anymore. I want to be a Raider.” The words fly out of my mouth without warning.

The general stares at me. “A Raider?” He echoes, “Fine, you can rot here.”

He spins around and stalks outside. Ravenflight pauses at the entrance. “Come to gloat how you evaded death once more?” I ask venomously, my breath coming in haggard gasps. “I’ll tear your heart out-”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” she shakes her head, “if you were miserable you would have just told me. But I didn’t know.”

Before I can ask what she means, Ravenflight pads back outside and I slump in my prison. I want Stormshadow to come back but our last argument is imprinted in my mind, reminding me that I’m always alone.

~

I wake in a dream. I recognize the white tom seated in front of me immediately. Letting out a cry of anger, I lunge for Artic, my claws passing right through him. I crash to the ground and crawl back up, anger fueling me onwards.

After several attempts, I sink to the ground. “What do you want with me?” I find tears springing to my eyes.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” the white tom sighs, “I made a mistake.”

“You don’t say,” I spit out, “Stay away from me.”

“Gwyn,” Artic draws closer to me, “You have to realize your own faults. You can’t just sink into the background and let everything topple around you also. You’re stronger than that. I know you. You wouldn’t let any of this crush you before we came to IceClan. You need to face what you’ve done and correct them. Starting with Ravenflight.”

“There’s nothing I can do!” I shout. Artic’s blue eyes harden and I shrink back. “I just want to go home,” I whisper.

“You are home,” Artic inhales sharply, “Whether you know it or not, your home lies in your heart. It doesn’t matter where your surroundings are. As long as your heart is content, you are at home.”

“I was content as a Raider,” I counter.

“No you weren’t,” Artic says softly, “neither of us were. IceClan was obviously where we needed to go. Didn’t you find Stormshadow there?”

“And I lost him,” I bite my lip, “I’ve lost everyone.”

Artic draws closer. “Gwyn, you can make things right. If you fall now, it’ll be a long way down. But up here, it’s where you can shine. The clouds are just above your head. You are in control.”

I shake my head but Artic is already fading.

“Make things right,” Artic whispers, “it’ll be worth it.”

~

When I wake from the dream, I scramble to my paws. A guard peeks his head inside and I ask him if I could see Ravenflight.

He looks on the verge of saying no but Ravenflight pads in anyways. “Were you waiting outside?” I ask incredulously.

The black she-cat chuckles. “I’ve been trying to decide how to approach you,” she admits, “but then I heard you asking to see me, so I decided I would save you some trouble and come in anyways.”

I stare into her cool yellow eyes. The original sort of kindness I had seen in her eyes has faded into hard resolution. The she-cat she had been before we had stepped into her life.

“What did you want to tell me?” She prompts.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry for everything. For trying to take your life twice now. For costing Artic’s life because I was jealous. For...for really ruining your life completely. I’m a disaster but I want to change everything.”

Ravenflight crouches in front of me. “You’re not a disaster, Gwyn,” she says softly.

I let out a breath. “I want to speak to Stormshadow.”

Ravenflight winces once more and I wonder what Stormshadow has done. “You can’t do that, Gwyn.”

Hurt flashes through me and I know the she-cat sees it. “Why not?” I try not to whine, but I need to see the dark gray tom.

Ravenflight furrows her brow. “He left, Gwyn.”

“He didn’t want to stay here anymore.”

 But I am closer to the clouds up here