Talk:Cherrystar's Salvation/@comment-24519368-20170527153405

First thing that I've noticed: your prophecy. It's quite cliche to have the main character's/villain's name in the prophecy; it makes things predictable. (I did it myself when I had just started writing warriors fanfic.) Prophecies are meant to be the opposite of that. Try replace words with synonyms or use connotations. It will create a sense of intrigue and mystery for the reader.

The slider thing with cats introduced in each chapter isn't necessary. We don't need to know who exists beforehand, we will discover that as the chapter goes on. Also with the images, is it because you don't know how/want to give descriptions of the characters? That is just lazy!

Furthermore, there is too much dialogue! (The grammar surrounding dialogue needs some tweaking as well.) Have some description of minor character action like the turning of a head or a licking of a paw. It's hard to imagine what is going on in a story if all I'm reading is dialogue! It's just SO HARD TO READ AND KEEP ME INTERESTED! Some description of the camp would be nice too, from Cherrykit's perspective. I can't picture a camp in my head when reading woth nopthing to base it on from the work itself!

About Cherrykit/paw: I can see no established personality of hers except she is a cliche kitten who's innocent and loves everyone and has friends. The audience can't learn anything about her from loads of dialogue! Did you even plan her character or did you jump straight in?

I can't think of any major positive thing to say about this because it's not remotely interesting and it's hard to read and it hasn't hooked me in. It's just... bland.

If you want we can discuss this more on the wiki chat whenever you're online or you can just roast me on chat or on my talk page, I don't mind.