Talk:Where It All Began/@comment-26432133-20161229051715

(commenting in parts as I read along)

I love this slap-in-the-face to Dovewing. I read her when I was a reader who didn't care much about the characters, so I'm neutral, but looking back on it, she was pretty darn bad.

Foxstar's call about the prophecy cat feels a bit lacking- maybe some terrified, cowering cats or some hisses from bloodthirsty cats would help. It feels more like Foxstar throwing words at us rather than a scene.

I can see a wisp of your atheism. Unrelated to the story so far, but I think it's a nice, fresh view. Maybe we can see more of that or you can just leave it at you putting a piece of yourself in the character. Who knows.

(completely non-constructive, but whatever) wut my brain didn't recognize the switch from the male character of foxpaw to falconpaw. not a flaw in your writing, just my brain flopping XP

I'm a bit confused as to why the apprentices are treated that way. It would be nice if you could establish your Clan hierarchy. My thoughts are like this: Is it Foxstar and her elites at top and everyone else at the bottom? But then why is there a guard? So is it Foxstar and her Clan at the top and prisoners at the bottom? But then why are they given Clan names?

This story is awesome so far, keep going!