Talk:Cha-Ching (Till We Grow Older) (Night Visions songfic)/@comment-8248793-20141101001534

SPOILERS

I found it kinda rude that you'd use "fat" and "obese" to describe a cat. I dunno, perhaps it was just your opinion, but I don't get why you would just choose to create a cat for a purpose like that. There's no need for Ellie to be "fat", she's just one of the cats you chose to name when they were recruiting cats.

Now this was really rushed and choppy, I couldn't really follow it, but you did develop Cloverstorm's character well. I felt as though he was a born leader, rather than just a half-kittypet that was despied.

I'm glad you described the rogues' excitement to join Cloverstorm's Clan, but I think you were a bit rushed on the fact that they didn't question where they were going, and what they were getting into, even after they were told it wasn't "heaven". And they're willingness to join Clover was very...strange, I wouldn't trust a random cat :P

But overall, this was pretty exciting, I have high expectations that Clover will be a good Clan leader :)

END SPOILERS