Talk:Flames of Love/@comment-11493954-20131230042753

Spoilers:

This is superb so far. I love how Snowbreeze and Brackenfur don't just seperate. It really adds to the plot when they come back together, and Snowbreeze thinks everything is just dandy again. Very creative that ShadowClan is the non-jealous clan here, and that ThunderClan is the bad one-interesting since it is usually opposite. You have very eloquent dialouge, and the flashes between POV's are smooth, while giving you just a taste of how Brackenfur is too ambitious. You are clearly a great writer to be able to go at the perfect pace, not too much details, and not too many. Also, the slightly cliched idea of a (too) ambitious mate is well balanced, and delivers a new perspective.

I really hope you continue this. You have a great shot at that contest.

However, to improve, I think it would be cool to see what family and friends think of the relationship. Do they see anything wrong? Don't like a trait of one of them? Also, don't add it if it will be bad, but I think it might be a cool character conflict peace for Snowbreeze: to say her concerns or not?

8/10 (Only because it is not done, and stuff can always improve. ;) )