Talk:To Merit Bliss/@comment-25630395-20170220230223

SPOILERS

commenting as I read.

Wow, this story starts off really intense. I love how we get thrown right into the action- it wasn't too abrupt, and it grabbed the reader's attention. The introduction to his (??) status as leader was really effective, I thought, if you were trying to create the sense of 'wow this guy really shouldn't be leader'.

His delirium about the water being red was interesting to me, and I really want to know why he thought that. The 'that's where you're wrong' line really got me interested.

...and then it was all a dream.

also, i don't think it's going to be fine, shadowpaw.

This is really, really awesome... you have such great plot, characters, and your writing flows so well. If I was going to be nitpicky, I'd just watch the use of words like 'things', because it can take away from the mood of the story (you used it some times in the prologue). But that's very minimal.

This is awesome. Keep it up!

END OF SPOILERS.