Talk:The Tree/@comment-17759525-20131122175809

Yay, time for another long, hopefully constructive commentttt

Before I start, is there any reason you switch from using numbers (1, 2, 3) to writing them out (four, five, six) in your chapters?

-SPOILERS-

PROLOGUE

Ooh, scary... I like how the tree seems to be so important to the cats (thus the title, I assume X3 ). You really convey how terrified the cats are. The poor queen D:

I like how it's being told from first person there. The way it talks about the kit is really moving. Poor thing, losing his mother in a time like that...

Quick note: would they use the word "floor", or would they use "ground"? Just something to think about. I personally think "floor" is a more human word, and "ground" is the outdoors. Might just be me, though.

I love the transition to the kittypets, and the way they talk about the wild cats. The end of the prologue is good, too... poor little kit. I can't wait to see what'll happen to Sun :3

CHAPTER ONE

Alright, he's a kittypet now. Makes sense. His reminiscing over his family is interesting, and makes me think that Sun might go out to the wild to find them. And the new kits should make things interesting...

Yeah, looks like he's going to try and go back to the wild. I love how he's feeling rejected as the kittypets get occupied with the kits, and how the forest (quite literally) calls to him. That was a nice bit of personification.

CHAPTER TWO

I like the hunting scene, and how you let him watch the battle, to get a taste of wild life. And he jumps into the battle :O He must be so brave!

Oh... oh, it was a dream? I always love it when dreams cross reality, like with the torn ear. You might want to make the transition a little clearer, though. I had to read it a couple of times to figure it out. I like how he decides to join OakClan, though, and how his torn ear stays :3

You spelled "seemed" as "seemes". Simple typo, but you'll want to correct that.

CHAPTER THREE

I like his encounter with the Twolegs. The way the little one reacts is especially true to life. It's interesting seeing what that would be like from the cat's perspective.

And the dog. I like how he's rooted to the ground in terror until the last second, and how he gets lost. It'll be exciting seeing how he gets out :3

Aaand I have to go for a bit. I'll read the next chapters when I get back from (ugh) cleaning my room. Darn it, it was just getting really good and suspenseful D: