Talk:Flames of Love/@comment-5277627-20140223034837

CHAPTER ONE COMMENT (because I can't be bothered reading it all at once 'cause it will take too long)

Snowbreeze is adorable! She's already my favourite. I love her to pieces! (cuddles Snowbreeze) BRACKENHEART CAN'T HAVE HER. SHE'S MINE.

Ahem.

Well, this is a good start, Firey, except I found a couple of mistakes, 'cause, y'know, I do that.

1. ''Robinwing had died last leaf-bare, or last season, and Brackenheart still mourned her. She died in the battle against ThunderClan, and he still hates them for killing Robinwing.''

You switched from past tense to present tense. It should be "he still hated them for killing Robinwing.

2.  "I remembered when I became a warrior, 

It should be "I remember when I became a warrior".

Other than that, good start! :D