Graystripe meets Chef Emeril Lagasse

Announcer: Today on Emeril Live… Guest star Edward from Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight!

Crowd: Yay!

Random Girl: Boo! Go Jacob Black from Twilight! Boo!

Emeril: Today we will be making Cajun Sausage.

Edward from Twilight: Is it made from blood sausage?

Emeril: Sorry, no.

Edward from Twilight: I’m out. I’d rather go to Bella from Twilight’s. *Leaves*

Crowd: O.o No! Don’t go Edward from Twilight!!!

Random Girl: Hooray!

Emeril’s assistant: What do we do now?

Emeril: I don’t know; just get a #1 New York Bestseller guy!

Random Girl: Get Jacob Black from Twilight!!!

Announcer: We will now take a commercial break.

(Progressive Commercial)

Announcer: We’re back with a new guest star, Graystripe from Erin Hunter’s Warriors!

Graystripe: Yo peeps!

Crowd: O.o A Talking Cat?!?!

Graystripe: Twolegs?!?

Emeril: *Whispers to assistant* I am not working with a cat!

Emeril’s Assistant: Too late!

Emeril: *shrugs* as I said before, we will be making Cajun Sausage.

Graystripe: Sounds good!

Emeril: At least someone likes my dish.

Crowd: *Laughs*

Emeril: First set your oven to 450 degrees. Then, start slicing up some green onions. *Starts slicing onion*

Graystripe: Whatcha’ Doin’?

Emeril: Stop bugging me, cat!

Graystripe: Um, that large tooth is getting close to your paw…

Emeril: *Slices off tip of finger* Yowtch! You stupid…


 * Please wait while Emeril gets angry with our guest star*

Meanwhile back at the Thunderclan camp…

Millie: What’s wrong with the TV? Where’s Graystripe?

Firestar: I don’t know, maybe hitting it will turn it back on. *Hits TV set, turns it off*

Squirrelflight: Now you’ve done it…

Millie: Gah! You idiot! *Mauls Firestar*

Firestar: Get off me woman!

Foxleap: *Attacks Squirrelflight for no apparent reason*

Squirrelflight: What was that for?

Foxleap: I thought you, uh, said we were doing this for the show?

Squirrelflight: You are so weird! *Shrugs off Foxleap* What does that even mean?

Foxleap: Do you like balloons?

Squirrelflight: LEAVE!!!

Foxleap: *Imitating Arnold Shwarzenegger* I’ll be back… *Hides in bushes*

Squirrelflight: O.o Why, Starclan, Why!?!?!

Millie: Just turn the TV back on! All this randomness isn’t helping!

Firestar: It isn’t?

Foxleap: *Jumps out of bushes* I thought I was doing swell!

Squirrelflight: Leave. Now.

Foxleap: Yes ma’am…

Brambleclaw: *Unsheathes claws*

Foxleap: Gosh, I’m leaving. *Pads away*

Firestar: *Turns on TV*

Announcer: Were sorry for whatever emotional traumas Emeril’s outburst caused you. We’re back TV viewers, and Emeril is finished with the dish! Will Graystripe from Erin Hunter’s Warriors like the dish?

Graystripe: I didn’t know there was so many foul words in the Twoleg language. I didn’t know I could understand Twoleg language!

Emeril: Quiet you… Here’s your food… *Hands over plate of Cajun sausage*

Graystripe: *Takes bite* I taste blood, but it’s good!

Edward from Twilight: Gimme that. *Grabs plate of Cajun sausage*

Graystripe: Back off, you stupid vampire!

General population minus Random Girl: Gasp!

Graystripe: Yeah I said it! What’cha gonna do about it?

Edward from Twilight: This! *Attempts to bite Graystripe’s neck*

Graystripe: *Ducks* Oh no you don’t!

Edward from Twilight: *Tries again*

Graystripe: *Ducks again* Say hi to my cousin Quincey for me!

Crowd: O-oh! Oh no he di’nt!

Graystripe: Oh yeah I Di’id!

Edward from Twilight: You stupid cat! I’ll strangle you! *Misses Graystripe yet again, bites into table*

Graystripe: EPIC FAIL!!1

Bella from Twilight: Edward from Twilight!!! Stop trying to suck the poor cat’s blood! You have an entire audience of humans!

Crowd: X_X

Edward from Twilight: Good idea, Bella from Twilight! I love you!

Bella from Twilight: I love you too! Have fun!

Crowd: *Gulp* AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Edward from Twilight: HISSSSS!!!


 * Various gory noises as crowd flees from Edward from Twilight*

Graystripe: This is all quite morbid, don’t ya think? Goodbye Everybody! *Disappears in a flash of random smoke*

Back at the Thunderclan Camp… Again…

Graystripe: *Appears in a flash of not-so-random-anymore smoke* Hi everybody!

Millie: *Glomps Graystripe*

Graystripe: *Glomps Millie*

Firestar: *Glomps Millie and Graystripe*

Millie and Graystripe: Get off me man!

Firestar: Sorry. I’m just excited!

Graystripe: *Steps two inches away from Firestar*

Squirrelflight: How was it like guest starring on a show?

Graystripe: It was slightly disturbing, but fun!

Foxleap: Sign me up!

Other cats: *Step two feet away from Foxleap*

Foxleap: I can do anything, because… *Thunder in the distance*

I am the Fantastic Mr. Fox!

Brambleclaw: Okayyy…

Squirrelflight: Leave Foxleap. I can’t take it anymore.

Mr. Fox: Who are you talking to?

Squirrelflight: LEAVE NAOW!!!!!!!!!!

Brambleclaw: *Attacks Mr. Fox*

Mr. Fox / Foxleap: I’m leaving!!!

Squirrelflight: Good. Thanks, Brambleclaw.

Edward from Twilight: I found your forest, cat! Now it is time to end this!

Graystripe: Okay! The end!

Edward from Twilight: NO!!!! That’s not what I meant!

Graystripe: Too late!

Edward from Twilight: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Everyone minus Edward from Twilight: The end!

THE END