Talk:Hold Your Breath/@comment-24740423-20141108030233

judging for my contest eyy

~spoilers

Okay so first: YOU'RE MAKING A SEQUAL YES

okay on to the judging

First of all, I didn't see too many grammar mistakes, and if I did they were pretty minor. In the epilogue, you had a sentence that suddenly switched to first-person, and I think you might've had a bit more like that. grammar: 4/5.

Second, the plot was original, and FireXEagle was like wow :o I loved how they'd just sacrifice themselves for the other, and it's really realistic. dude the feels wow like why. thEY HAD KITS HOW COULD YOU DO THat to theM. I like how the plot progressed, but it was a bit predictable that Firesong would sacrifice herself for the Clan. plot progress: 4/5.

And lastly, how you went through with the heartbreak. Like I said before, it was a bit predictable how she'd sacrifice herself, but the way you actually /worded/ it and executed it was like holy wow. JUST:

"I'll miss our kits, Eagleflight."

"Firesong?"

"I'm dying, Eagleflight."

GOD THEM FEELS BRO

AND THEN LIKE THE LAST LINE THERE. WITH THE PRETTY CODING. EEE.

ahem. anyway, it was amazing. executing heartbreak: 5/5

total: 13/15

sorry if I sucked at judging???