Talk:Fighting Fire/@comment-5137480-20151004163258

spoilers

blurb-

This is a good blurb, but I'd be careful about calling Coldpelt a loner, even though I'm pretty sure you been the trait, it could be taken as calling him an actual loner.

allegiances-

Instead of, say, Ashstar- a gray cat, in the books I believe it's actually Ashstar - a gray cat. I'm just picky about formatting, though. Not every word needs to be capitalized, instead of Long Gray-Haired Tom it would be Long grey-haired tom. About the name Razorwind, do you think cats would really call something razor-sharp, as they don't know what razors are? Eel is probably fine as long as you make a point your clans live near the ocean or something so they would actually see an eel.

prologue-

It's kind of short, but since it's a prologue I suppose that's fine. The prophecy is a little easy- I'm guessing Fire and Twig are FireClan and TwigClan, and brindled leaf is Brindlepaw, who's name will probably be Brindleleaf. Rise from the ashes might be a fire or Ashstar's death.

chapter one-

Once again, I think it's very short, and it would probably be better to have longer chapters. You're missing commas in a few places- "Hey, hey Eelwhisker", "Hey bro" and "Oh you know". Eelwhisker is called Eewhisker once. I personally think that Razorwind and Eelwhisker are a little bit harsh, yelling at each other, stepping on each other and whatnot. I like how the characters have flaws- Eelwhisker seems stuck-up, and Coldpelt is unenthusiastic and shy.

Overall, it's fairly good, and I'll keep an eye on it!