Talk:Lonely Hearts/@comment-8248793-20131122033820

SPOILERS

I forgot to mention but whenever Darkshadow takes over or when it switches to Sunheart, I would suggest making spaces, or show the change itself.

-this is great! It shows the actions, but the kill was too quick. Maybe make it kind of a skirmish, or show Beechstar's twitching in pain. Not just so quick.

-I suggest making the fight between Minnowleap and Darkshadow longer.

I love everything in here, it's well written, organized, and it really makes me want to read the next one! Sunheart and Darkshadow's struggles makes me feel squirmy, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

END SPOILERS