Talk:Eternal Light/@comment-8248793-20151011163257

SPOiLERS

Sorry it took me so long to get to this :c

I do like your character development at first, but I feel as though they just stop after that. Each one is kind of the same. Woodkit/paw and Swampkit/paw are always full of hatred while the others also tend to be the same. But besides that, I do like how you created the tension between them and how obvious it was that Spiritkit/paw had something special that perhaps made the others hate her.

I'll be honest, I usually don't like stories that focus on bullying the main character because it just doesn't appeal to me. But this story was well done and you certainly drew me in with Spiritkit's ability to speak to StarClan.

Just some quick advice: you should try to use different words to describe the kits' actions. You constantly used "Cackled ___" which although "cackled" is a good word, the overuse of it makes the sentences seem repetitive.

But I certainly love your plot and I'm certainly all for you doing more :) Your plot and ideas are well thought out and I think you just need to work on developing the characters more in the story and that's it!

END SPOILERS