Talk:INSaNiTY/@comment-26432133-20170406231010

(Contest Comment)

SPOILERS

I like how Sparrowfall is influencing Sparrowflight by first appearing as a friend yet coaxing her to do evil. It's a lot better than the usual "evil voice in head says 'go kill' and main character just listens and kills."

I really like the end, where your heart kind of shrivels because of the poor innocent little kit ;-;

What I find interesting is Sparrowflight's complaints. Forcing a kit to eat two pieces of prey at the fresh-kill pile seems actually like a strict yet kind, fatherly thing to do. After all, canonically, two fully-grown warriors can be full sharing a single mouse. I read Wolfstar's actions, in this specific case, as nice, with the typical over-the-top strictness that most parents have.

It would be more realistic for a majority of the Clan, rather than the whole Clan, to see Wolfstar's cruel actions. Remember that not everyone's a blind sheep.

JUDGING:

This story fits the theme well, and Sparrowflight's cuckoo kill-everybody run is quite a bit more believable than some of the stories submitted, so good job!

Sparrowflight as a villain herself could be a little better, but it's still solid. Her evil does feel justified c:

OVERALL THOUGHTS

Some improvements could be made, but this is still a pretty nice story! While INSaNiTY has its downfalls, it also has some kinda special little gems that make the story stand out. Looking forward to seeing more of your stories, Flame!