Talk:A kit from the stars/@comment-4137712-20120505222250

...Not to be mean or whatever, but...

Ok is not really a good story starter in my opinion.

'Shinning' is really spelled shining, and 'shaddy' is really shady. You know that right?

'Me nd them two' doesn't make sense for more than one reason.

'Brothers layed around' should be 'brothers lay'.

'Wouldent' is supposed to be wouldn't.

'Starved most the time' needs an 'of' in there

it should be 'Blackfeather fed me when I was an apprentice Snowmint the medicine cat and my friend' in the third to last line.

And 'freand'='friend' again in the last line.

And guess what? There should be a period at the end.

And P.S., this whole paragraph is one sentence!! AAAH!!