Talk:Time/@comment-25630395-20170709022923

for wfwa- but i've been stalking this for a while, so now it's time for a proper comment.

SPOILERS

Firstly, I love the way you've structured this with the different chapters named after measurements of time. Hopefully there's symbolism here... I love symbolism, since my english classes have forever ruined me.

So for part one- days. I like your exposition of Amberpaw. He seems very realistic and I love his character. I find that flaws in characters fit best with what they're good at, if that makes sense? So the fact that he's a very proficient fighter automatically makes it believable that his glaring faults are hubris and arrogance (that's what I picked up). He seems interesting to read about!

My only problem with this chapter is perhaps specific to me only. I felt that there were so many names and characters introduced in a short amount of time, so I was a bit confused and had to reread some parts. Maybe taking time to introduce each character more slowly would help? I also noticed some sentences were choppy and didn't flow well together during the fight scene. Make sure to connect each concept/move to the next.

Ohhh the last line has me intruiged about how al of this fits together. i need to read more.

Part two- hours. More characterization, which is awesome! I love Maplepaw already, she seems so sweet and is someone who can bring out the soft side of Amberpaw. I like the chemistry here and I'm starting to wonder if this story is about Amberpaw finding the compassionate side of himself? We shall see. The last line is interesting... what's with this whole '___ is too long thing?' Does he feel like he's accomplishing too much? Wow, what a struggle lmao.

Part three- minutes. That was cute! And also a bit bittersweet- so Amberfang is afraid he's going to get close to her and then throw everything away? That's an interesting take on the 'i don't love anyone' trope that's used for characters like Amberfang. But it makes sense, with his character. I love how Maplesplash brings the humanity to him. I love her, period. <333

Minutes are too long... he thinks he's spending too much time with her?

i think i get it. so the chapter titles are like increasing smaller amounts of time?? and even though they're shorter he still thinks they're too long?? but then there's moments which isn't really smaller than seconds but it could be and... gah. this is really deep and really good. I will definitely read more! Amazing job!

END OF SPOILERS