Talk:Manipulated/@comment-1703139-20130616025026

Erm, there's some spelling/grammar issues, but it's a good story line. I just think you need to be clearer about the plan or conspiricy, because right now everyone in the Clan just seems ridiculously stupid. The apprentices chanting 'Murderpaw' was a nice touch, but actually changing her name to Murderpaw took it way too far. It stopped being believable and I just started wondering why they didn't just banish her.

So ultimately I say, make some things clearer and try to remain in the realm of believability. Brightstar- a seemingly kind she-cat, should not be changing cats names to Murderpaw or just believe Rubypaw over Moonpaw, someone who is obviously kind and stuff.