Talk:Silverstar's Sorrow/@comment-32946794-20161229172254

Okay. Second try.

I don't know if you know about this, but there is a term "Mary Sue". Mary Sues, Sues for short, are characetrs that are perfect in every way and have no relateable flaws. For more info, I suggest reading this article: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MarySue

Now, I'm not saying Silverkit is, or will become a Mary Sue. However, I cannot help but notice the flaws the story has so far. The thing I have an issue with is how Silverkit blinded a leader. Think about it. A very young kit making it all the way to the battlefield without being near tired, and then have enough strength to fling herself at an older, experienced leader and is able to blind him. A good way to write well fanfictions is to stick to canon and think if what you do would actually happen in canon. I can tell you right now that this would not happen. Plus, I'm not saying you can't do this, but Rowanstar already has Tawnypelt and Snowbird Scorchfur. It sounds like you've just put it there so Silverstar can follow her father's footsteps. Also, I would highly recommend not having your main characters, especially personas have related to canon characters. Tact. It takes a bit of skill to do that in a way that sounds like it could happen in canon. Also, Silverkit was thrown into a tree after wild battle by a strong, big leader and remained absolutely unharmed? It's a little unrealistic in my opinion. Also, I predicted a little, and sorry if it isn't true, but just in case, please don't make Silverkit be called Silverpelt if you can. Heck, I actually made a character called Silverpelt once. She was the daughter of Bluestar and it was a huge Sue.

Please don't be hurt or offended by this. I hope I could help you. You don't actually need to listen to me, but I would recommend to stick to what I said. I'm not trying to act like I know better than you, I'm just trying to help you. Every writer eventually finds there path to improve themselves, and I'm just trying to make your path little faster and easier, even if you maybe don't need it c: