Talk:Pine Frost/@comment-5342796-20131112224453

>SPOILERS<

Wow, dramatic place to leave off!

Overall, these were a wonderful first few chapters to the story. You did an excellent job setting the scene up as far as characters, and building up the dynamics of the relationships between father-kits, what happened with Paleflutter, Pinepaw-Frostpaw, etc. I like the pace of the story, and you have a very good "show not tell" thing going, where you describe things perfectly so we just know what's going on with the characters without you having to openly state it in a simple manner.

There were a few errors in each chapter, minor spelling things and a few tense changes, but those can be easily fixed with a little go-back-and-edit type thing. Also, this is just a friendly writer-to-writer tip(not to be taken too seriously), it felt like the flow of the story was a little disjointed at times- like you were maybe skipping to different things a little too fast. Maybe try to elaborate and make each issue/event a little clearer? I don't know, that's just a suggestion.

Also, I love the title of this. It's very cute, and makes me feel all happy 'cos winter's almost upon us and... yeah xD Maybe that's just me

