Talk:Jay’s Light/@comment-26980659-20180217145013

Prologue:

This is a great start! It really goes in depth about Jay's past, and is probabaly important to what happens later on in the story. I love how Maggie and Berry were still loyal to Woodbloom when he left, it's just heart-wrenching to see this happen!

Chapter One:

Now we get to see Jay when she's an adult, or young adult. I love how she expresses that it's 'No-Food so it's typical not to have any prey'. And why did Berry collapse? And then we see Sand holding a Clan meeting. Is ShinyStuff Twoleg mesh? But one nitpick, why did Jay just leave her mother?

Overall, though, this is a great start!