Talk:Pine Frost/@comment-17759525-20131205015732

OH LOOK I'M READING IT X3

SPOILERS

PROLOGUE

Wow, this is creepy. I love the hissing; it gives a lot of foreboding, and it's BARELY even started!

I love how the queen is trying to protect her kits from this evil cat. True motherly love < 3 And this tom is their FATHER? I get the feeling he must be really evil, to have been driven from the Clan (apparently).

Also, the name Paleflutter = so pretty~

This is gonna be good :3

CHAPTER ONE

Alright, I sense a time jump here. Always good between the Prologue and Chapter One :3

Hmm, interesting. Their father lives in a different place, and their mother somewhere else. I like Snakeheart's personality so far, and the apprentices'. It can't be easy, growing up like that.

The part with Gray and the message is interesting, too, but it seems a bit fast-paced. I mean, it's quick into the story, and all of a sudden Snakeheart kills him? It might just be me, but I think you could make it a little less abrupt.

CHAPTER TWO

Wait, so they're not supposed to meet Paleflutter, but they're looking for her? Interesting.

I like Pinepaw's personality, and how he feels trapped by the forest. Did you plan it so a moorcat is named after a tree? X3

His love for Frostpaw is both adorable and a good weakness for his father to target. Good job with that :3 Snakeheart must be really evil, though, to target his son's crush like that.

I'm sorry, I can't focus right now x_x I promise I will come back and read the rest, though :3 Hopefully this'll give you a good jump feedback-wise.