Caleb

Part of the Songfic Series.

The song. '' There is a man in this world who has never smiled You may know his tragedy, the later years by heart In the beginning there was a mother, father and a child A troubled little silent boy whose life they were to destroy Known to us from this day on by his father, Caleb''

Stormclaw. The name my mother gave me when I was but a kit. She somehow knew I was like the storm, brutal and changing, with lighting and fire in my heart, and a loud, brash mew. Which I never used. I stayed in silence, watching as my mother, Poppystem, gazed at my siblings with love. Never once did she gaze like that to me.

''His mother came up with such a clever way to save the day with a little white lie. He thinks he missed the point back then, but now he's grown to understand it, in a way.''

My mother thought she could play off her neglect with lies.

'Oh Flarekit got hurt playing with Jaykit.' she said, her amber eyes gazing lovingly at my beautiful pale ginger sister.

Other lies like that became normal for me. It wasn't worth asking about when I was young, but now I understand she lied to make me feel a small bit better. It didn't help.

'' "Father said "I'm sorry" only once, as I remember" "Words weren't meant to hurt, only destroy you, my stupid son..."''

My father was no different. Eclipseclaw was a brash tom, never apologizing to those he didn't feel deserved it. Which was usually me. The only time he ever apologize, if I remember, was when he 'accidentally', as he says, pushed me into a rock, blinding me in my right eye. He apologized to save his face, then afterwards he continued to belittle me with his words, which, he said 'were meant to destroy me'.

''One person can make a difference, sometimes... Just turn his head when the kid is still and has a weak neck. Smiled at his funeral, "happy you're dead."''

The only one who tried to make it better was Sorrelpaw, now Sorrelfur, a young apprentice. She tried, but usually got distracted and she eventually abandonded me in favor of fussing over her sister, Sweetpaw, now Sweetsoul's love for my brother, Jaykit, now Jayflash.

When my father died, I couldn't help but smile. It was after I had become an apprentice, just named Stormpaw and my mentor was Luckyfang. Not like it mattered. My other sister, Flamepaw, said I was heartless and cold. I didn't care. She didn't matter to me either.

'' All his solutions, it seemed, were only problems in disguise Glueing on his drinkin´ face, got ready to erase another day...''

I tried to solve my problems with being stoic and quiet, not making trouble or being obtrusive. It usually got me into more trouble with my mother, who shouted at me to socialize more, which wasn't easy for me. So, I began to shut out all the memories of every day.

'' Mother was yet confident, although they had it tight, taught her son At the end of every tunnel's a little light''

Poppystem did teach me one thing, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Good things at the end of the bad. It didn't make sense at the time, and it still doesn't. Not to me. To Jaypaw, Flarepaw, and Flamepaw, it seemed to make perfect sense, they nodded, eyes sparkling with love and curiosity for Poppystem.

'' It wasn't a lie, it was her hope, that everything would be fine one day "He can fulfill his every dream, I’m happy as long as he’s not."''

When I was named Stormclaw, she didn't congratulate me at all. She wanted to see my face crumble, the anguish in my eyes. She was happy, when I was down.

"I hate it and fear can't face it the child is not right, he's my greatest shame."

I knew Poppystem hated me. She looked at me in anguish, she told her friends I wasn't right, in the head or in general. It hurt the first few times I overheard, but as time went on, it stopped hurting.

''Go out, create thunder, and stand right under That old apple tree Where the snakes let him feed on Lost hopes, all those kind words could hurt him even more, now Somehow, lost one more way back home''

Poppystem sent me out one night, towards an old apple tree, and told me to create thunder. An impossible task, so when I arrived, I noticed there were snakes. Lots of them. They seemed attracted to me, maybe it was something about my hopeless aura. I sat there for a while, telling myself to not let false kind words affect me. It worked. But, I seemingly lost myself, as I didn't regognize the demon that I was when I returned to camp.

'' Out on the lake, he rows towards a monster he should’ve been running away from, years ago. The past had made him blind to the way he’d turned the pain into a way of life.''

I couldn't take it anymore. As a battle loomed on the dawn, I was thrown into my own inner battle with the demons of my past, the monster I kept drawing near with my actions when I was young. I didn't see it coming, because I was trying to avoid being consumed by Poppystem's rage and my father's violence.

''Followed his father, tucked him in, Caleb knows the trade. He’s the portrait of a man his mother drew to hate forever.''

Everyone says I was destined to become my father. I want to prove them wrong. The loyal deputy, a brave father. I wanted none of that. So, at this battle, I was going to become someone my mother didn't hate. I wouldn't become my father. Not ever.

''She was a beast, a deadly saint, wrong in many ways Wanted to keep up the charade, until the end waltzing together''

Poppystem tried to stop my plans, but her own faults, her beastlike hatred of me, kept her from persuing it more than just a whispered warning when I passed her. We were forever locked in a dance of hate, too drawn up in our own pride to realize we might need eachother.

''Over the hills, under the sea, Fighting the will, whole Universe Why does a man driving a hearse Live in a fear, Gift and a Curse''

I don't think I can do this. I'm fighting my will to keep my passiveness. It's not working. I'm living in fear, fear of myself. What I'm going to do, what I'm capable of.

''Taking ´em out, taking ´em all, Shooting the wall, over and out When nothing moves, all’s well, A decision he can find a way to live with''

The battle has come, and I'm scared out of my wits. Clawing my way to my target, I raised my claws, tearing them down on a speckled brown she-cat's face, tearing out her eye and shredding her ear. A mottled reddish-brown tom, whom is probably her mate, approached me. A single flick of my claws in his throat, aiming for his jugular, killed him. Sighing contentedly, I felt at peace when his body stayed still. Nothing moved. A slender, quite beautiful silver tabby lept onto my back. I threw her off, comfortable with my decision of murder.

''... and dried up flowers are so beautiful. And it applies to all things living, and dead. For that I serve my time... in my suite in Hell.''

After the blood stops trickling from the she-cat's neck, I am attacked by a reddish-ginger tabby, a cream tom, and a dark brown tabby tom. They claw at my throat, and before I die, I notice how beautiful everything looks at death's door. I'm ready for anything, even the dark forest. I don't care what happens now.

'' "Now I ring the bell to tell the world, I'm ready when they bring out the soon to be dead against the wall ..." This necessary evil has no heart Flowers and people he will now enlace A price he must pay serving a cold ... whatevergod.''

I awake in the Dark Forest, something I've already come to terms with. I've served my own wills for a while, and this place will allow me to comes to terms with myself. And with my family. And maybe, I'll be able to apologize to the silver tabby for killing her. Probably not, but, as Poppystem said, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe for me, there'll be a good thing coming for me one day.