Talk:Light of the Heart/@comment-11493954-20140126022424

SPOLIERS

Okay, here to leave a comment and judge for the contest. :)

I really liked how you revealed Birdwing having a kind heart thorught her spprentice telling her that. It was really sweet. :') That prolouge was very interesting and drew me right in. I love how realistic that break up conversation was. :) I never expected for Blazeclaw to be pretending woth Frostheart, let alone beacuse she seemed to be a murder. O_O Nice one there! I also liked the little funny bits you stiched in there flawlessly. Especially this one:""Remember, we are only hunting, not chasing dogs." Birdwing meowed to the younger cats, Blazeclaw at her side. "We know that!" Ferretclaw muttered. He had just become a warrior, and was disrespectful. " Another thing I loved was how  they abandoned Frostheart (fitting name) on the Thunderpath. She deserved it! The strongest thing in here was the characters. I love how they are all different, yet each is represented well in the story. Like Sundapple(whisker?) was very talkative, yet a sweet heart, and Frostheart was malicious and evil-minded, and Birdwing was so sweet to her apprentice, and smart in spying on Frostheart and inventing hunting crouches. I could make that run on sentece quite some longer, too. XD

There were a few spelling errors, such as you said "sometines" somewhere. Also, I was slightly confsed if Sundapple is Sunwhisker. I think they are the same, because you said Foxflight and Sundapple were sisters during one of the patrols, but I wasn't quite sure. You called Birdwing a he(XD) once in this sentence ("Digging her claws into the thick bark of the oak tree which she was hunting near, he propelled herself up it's trunk, stopping on a fairly low branch.") And  Foxflight a he too in this sentence (And yet he replied anyway. "Yes, I feel shaken now, more than ever before.")

I'm giving this an 18/20 for the sweetness and little wonderful parts in the story. I took of a few points for some typos and stuff. It was stunning overall!