Talk:Slipping Under/@comment-27704197-20160825020230

SPOILERS

Good so far, I like how you established reasons for us to like and pity your character right away, that is an important part to write. However I felt it was a little too fast-paced, and I would add a tad more description, like what season it was when she fell in or how exactly she fell in. However I like how you said they were in Riverclan. I hope you elaborate on why she couldn't swim. There were also a few grammar mistakes. But other than that I look forward to the rest of this story, keep writing.

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