Heartbeat

My name is Ashfur. I was a cat rejected by Squirrelflight, but my fierce hunger for love pushed me further. I used to have a heart. But Squirrelflight stole it. She stole my heart and then she shattered it. Now I have no heart. And I have no heartbeat.

Or do I?

Ba-dum

Sometimes when I walk I hear something behind me. But I turn around and find only the lonely echo of what Squirrelflight and I used to have. I beg Squirrelflight to give me another chance, but she pushes me away and goes to join her “mate”.

If only I had been better, Maybe she wouldn’t of left me.

If only I had kept my promises, maybe she wouldn’t of left me for him.

If only I had tried harder, maybe she wouldn’t of left me for Brambleclaw.

Ba-dum

When I hunt, I imagine Squirrelflight next to me, teaching our kits to hunt. She would always get the prey first, snatching it up with her quick claws. I would laugh and I would nuzzle her. She would drop the prey in front of me and let me bring it to camp. But it hurts when I look to my side and see that Squirrelflight isn’t there. She’s off somewhere with Brambleclaw, leaving me in the shadows to be shunned.

When I think about that I stop fantasying and squint my eyes to try and see better. But my vision ends up blurring because there are tears in my eyes.

Ba-dum

When cats hear me talk about Squirrelflight they take pity on me. Sometimes they shake their heads and mutter: “She’s with Brambleclaw.” But my sister, Ferncloud, tells me it will be alright and asks if I’ve seen the way Daisy eyes me. I’ll shake my head and screech: “I don’t want Daisy!” And I’ll run out of camp. Nobody tries to stop me. Who would? I’m useless.

The next day cats at the fresh-kill pile gossip about Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw’s relationship. My heart feels like it’s falling into a pit of darkness with nothing at the bottom but sorrow and disappointment. My vision blackens as I hit the bottom.

Ba-dum

I was hunting by the riverbank when I heard pawsteps behind me. I turn around. “Hollyleaf.” I meow. “Ashfur.” She snarls. I let her bite me and scratch me and toss me in the river.

Ba-

But I was still alive as the cold water rushed up my flanks. I killed myself because I never wanted to see Squirrelflight’s face beside Brambleclaw’s ever again.

So I hit my head off a sharp rock. It left a thin trail of blood as the river washed me downstream.

dum