Talk:Rebellion of the stars/@comment-1829516-20131227022842

Spoilers

Even on the first chapter it is very difficult to read. I think instead of huge paragraphs you should break it up. Like make sections for dialogue and such. Also in the first chapter you have this huge dialogue where it's just saying their names then "Yes". As a suggestion you could put things like "Yes," the grey tom said, or "Yes." A dark voice echoed from the darkness. Just to make it more interesting :)

The Rebellion is really strict. You can tell how they have a certain order for things, and if you break apart from that order, your punished. I commend you on explaining that so well.

I really like Leap and Heat's sibling relationship. He's really protective of her, and he just tries to keep her safe and save her from Blood. It's such a cute sibling-love type dealio.

I don't think Midnight should've had such a dramatic, quick change in personality. I liked him more as a fierce, dark tom. But that's just my opinion heh. I also think Heat's a bit young for Midnight, but meh.

I REALLY liked the feast, and how the prey represented if you loved, hated, or were just friends with the other cat. I kinda felt bad that Hiss was hated so much ):

I was also pretty glad Heat didn't love Midnight back after spending the night of Bite. I really don't like MidnightxHeat xD

I'm excited to see how this will end up. Are they going to battle the Clans or something bigger? I'm eager to find out.

Spoilers end.