Say It Again

  S ay I t A gain

by firey

a vale fanfic. an au (alternate universe). (if rainy does not make this happen at least.)

Ryan just wanted to feel it again. It felt better than hurting at least. “What are you thinking about?” Lily nudged him. Her sharp eyes were watching him and he shrugged and turned away.

“Nothing,” he murmured.

Lily eyed him and narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean ‘nothing’?” She rolled her eyes, “You’re looking as if you just saw a GreenClan cat.”

It was a low blow but it worked. Ryan shuddered and he closed his eyes. “I was thinking about Breezeflight.” He told her quietly. He opened his eyes to see Lily squinting in a way that usually made Cammy crack up. Speaking of Cammy, he missed his other sister.

“Breezeflight?” She repeated, “That rude she-cat who looks as annoying as a persistent rat?” She shook out her fur and ignored Ryan’s ignorant look. “Why were you thinking about that brat?”

“She’s not a brat and certainly not a rat.” Ryan defended hotly, feeling his neck fur bristle at the way Lily described Breezeflight. She was everything but that. How dare Lily say that?

“I’m sorry,” Lily shot him a smirk that made Ryan forgive her immediately. “Look, we can’t turn back now, alright? We’re already gone now and I really doubt she’ll want you back.” Again, a low blow.

Ryan stood up abruptly. “I shouldn’t have left,” he murmured, “It was a stupid idea.”

Before he could turn around, Lily pushed him back down. “Listen to me,” she hissed urgently, “We can’t go back. We’ve come so far, Ryan. We don’t need the Clans.” Her voice cracked from the urgency he knew she was feeling. She had been itching to leave the Clans for so long, especially since GreenClan had joined up. Ryan had felt the drive momentarily when he knew him staying there would only hurt Breezeflight.

But he felt differently.

He opened his mouth to say so but the words died in his mouth when he saw the broken and desperate look in Lily’s face. It was obvious she never wanted to join the Clan in the first place. Both Cammy and him had felt a connection with the cats in SpringClan. Both were ready to join.

But Lily.

“Hey,” he stepped closer to her and embraced her, “I won’t go back if you don’t want to,” he whispered, though his heart twisted in a terrible way.

Lily was silent for a moment. “You love her.” She said simply.

Ryan pulled away and winced. It was probably common knowledge except to Breezeflight. The black she-cat would never know it. Even if she loved him (which he hoped so), she would never realized that Ryan loved her ten times more.

“You should go back,” Lily had tears in her eyes but she turned away, “You deserve her. You deserve a home like SpringClan.”

“So do you,” Ryan touched his tail to her shoulder. “You’re my sister. I won’t abandon you for anyone.” His heart begged to differ but he pushed the feeling away. He wouldn’t leave Lily alone.

His sister whirled around, her eyes flashing in anger. “Then why did we leave Cammy?” She spat out, “She didn’t deserve to feel the pain of losing us, did she?”

Ryan took a step back in surprise. “Cammy belonged there,” he said, blinking, “she wanted so badly to settle down there.”

Lily shook her head. “Go,” she commanded, “I’m not going back but you need to.”

Ryan felt his heart slowly crack. “I can’t leave you,” he begged, “Just like you said, we should be with Cammy. She’s not going to leave SpringClan; we have to go back to her.”

“You need to,” Lily corrected.

He bit his lip as Lily stepped away. She settled down in her nest and curled up. “If you’re not gone by morning I’m going to to leave and you’ll never catch me. If you’re gone, I’ll stay here and wait for you to come back.”

“What if I don’t come back?” Ryan swallowed.

Lily didn’t look up. “Then I’ll be here when you want to visit. If you don’t come back, then I’ll know that you found what you needed. Perhaps it was always destined to be this way. What is it they say…? Something about StarClan.”

Ryan smiled softly and breathed in her scent once more before turning away. He paused as if to say goodbye but shook his head and left.