Rising from the Ground/One

ONE GWYN

Skies are crying, I am watching

I don’t struggle as I stare in shock at Artic’s fallen body. //I did that.// I realize, //I killed him//. The fly warriors have me held back from Ravenflight and her love, and I don’t move. I can’t, even if I was free.

Ravenflight’s sobs splinter my heart. It’s a cruel reminder of what I had just tried to do and failed miserably.

It takes awhile but when the black she-cat finally stands and wipes her eyes dry, she turns to us. “Take her back to camp,” she murmurs, “I’ll...take Artic.” Her voice catches at his name and I try not to wince. Mintsplash wordlessly joins the fly warrior and the toms drag me towards the camp.

When we get there, Sootflight quietly explains to Blackthorn what had happened and the general’s amber eyes darken. He says something that I don’t hear and the fly warriors take me to a prison.

They finally leave me alone. I sit there, in the darkness, and realize how much it hurts. It didn’t hurt this much when my parents died. I let out a choked sob and as tears stream down my face, I realize it hurts more because Artic didn’t give me a chance to tell him all the words I wanted to. He had been too busy trying to comfort Ravenflight (though he had every right to do).

I don’t know how it takes but when I drift off into a fitful sleep, all I can see is the bright red of Artic’s blood and all I can hear is the choked sobs coming from Ravenflight.

I’m not sure if I’m happy that I’ve revenged my parents in a sick way.

~

“Gwyn,” a soft voice wakes me. I lift my head drowsily and my eyes focus on Ravenflight. Fear shoots through me for a second and I hastily draw towards the back of the den, my brambles pulling on my paws. I remotely remember tearing through these with pain slicing my paws as I sliced open Aspenpelt and left him to die in front of Artic. Remorse overflows me but I push it down as I focus on the black she-cat.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” she tips her head. I snort. As if I’d fall for that. Though she wears a sincere look over her face. Still, I eye her warily as she sighs. “I...wanted to apologize about your parents’ death.”

“Why?” I rasp, betraying myself as I didn’t want to talk to Ravenflight, “Why are you apologizing? I killed Artic.”

She winces and I feel the numbness of pain. “It wasn’t really your fault,” she insists, “plus, it was my fault your parents died.”

“You didn’t kill them,” I laugh bitterly.

Ravenflight looks frustrated. I feel a deep sense of accomplishment. I almost choke out a pitiful laugh at the fact that I feel satisfied with //making Ravenflight frustrated//. What has gotten into me?

“I killed Artic,” I continue, “I tried to kill //you// for stars’ sake.”

The black she-cat swallows and she shakes her head. Before she can speak, I explode. “I tried to kill you! Why don’t you get it? Why aren’t you trying to convince that old general to just kill me? Why are you standing here trying to apologize?”

At some point, a guard rushes in but Ravenflight orders him to go back outside. He shoots me a murderous glare and I bare my fangs at him as he slides back out. The fly warrior crouches in front of me. “Look, you don’t have to remind me of all this. I //know// what you did. I’m not stupid.”

//You sure about that?// I think cruelly but keep my mouth shut.

Ravenflight keeps a calm expression on her face. “I can guess why you did it and that’s why I’m apologizing. If I had the chance to apologize sooner, perhaps…” A lonely look crosses her eyes. “Perhaps Artic would be alive.”

I flinch inwardly. She is right of course. Had I accepted that Ravenflight really didn’t mean to do harm to my parents, I wouldn’t have attacked her.

Artic wouldn’t have saved her.

Another pang causes me to inhale sharply. Artic saved //Ravenflight// instead of choosing his best friend. I’m guessing if Artic had to save either one of us, we would save the black she-cat over me.

I don’t blame him. She’s completely loyal to him. They //love// each other. What did I do to Artic? Frame him for Aspenpelt’s death and tried to murder his girlfriend.

Shame threatens to overwhelm me but I refuse to show weakness in front of Ravenflight. “Okay,” I mutter rudely, “you apologized, now get out.”

The black she-cat gazes at me for a moment longer and I stare back, resentful. Then she turns and disappears out the entrance and I place my head back on my paws, feeling drained.

//What have I become?//

As I stare out towards where I can see the shadows of cats bustling around, I feel the same tug that had forced my paws to murder Aspenpelt and escape. But even as the feelings gets stronger and stronger, I don’t move. I don’t try to slice open my bindings as I had last time. There’s no white tom to drive my anger.

There’s no brown fly warrior waiting for me to kill.

I wish there was though, so I could change everything that I’ve already done. I don’t want to live with these lies.

These lies //I// created.

~

I wake up to the sound of bustling cats. The noise is infuriating loud and I growl in frustration and clamp my paw over my exposed ear to try to muffle the noise. The noise is as loud as ever and I crack open my eyes only to find the fly warrior team and Blackthorn //chatting// in front of my prison.

“Will you shut up?” I snap, scrambling to my paws and glaring at them.

All of them stare at me. Most of them are filled with slight resentment and for a moment, I wonder if Artic managed to convince them to like him (he’s a very likeable tom…). But then I realize Aspenpelt.

Only Ravenflight looks compassionate and patient. Blackthorn’s fiery amber eyes pin me down and I swallow.

“Gwyn,” he rumbles, “we have much to talk about.”

Catching tear drops in my hands