Talk:Lost Stars/@comment-26432133-20161230181705

(commenting by chapter as I read along)

Oh my. The ending to Chapter One was really good. It sounds like a hook, which is a good thing. It makes the story feel like we're being told of something that happened long ago in the past. I'm not sure the details of every cat's looks was necessary, though. It doesn't seem to add anything to the story or the characters- besides Ebonyshade, that is. It might help to drive home the "Ebonyshade so handsome all them fangirls squee around him" feel by adding more "handsome" and "sleek gray fur" or however you picture him into that paragraph about him.

Robintail? Raptorflight? I immediately love their sibling-like arguing. It does well to illustrate how close they are, and livens up the second chapter. I really want to see more of them. <3

Chapter Three is nice. I like hearing Calomel's questions (too lazy to type out her entire name rip). It seems a little odd that she would wonder if Ebony should be called something else, though. I don't think a cat just learning about their sexuality and wondering what to identify as would consider a different word for the other gender. Just my opinion.

Chapter Four doesn't really do much to the story. I kind of wish more happened in it.

"We're leaving," Jaspershade calls calmly, clearly trying to sooth the Clan. (soothe as a verb is spelled with an e at the end ^^)

I really like this! There's a lot going on, and I'd like to see these little things on the side play out *coughcough*RobintailandRaptorflightbestalmost-siblingsever*cough*

Keep going!