Talk:Depreciation/@comment-7410018-20150905230344

~spoilers~

Well, first off, I like that the relationship in this story is mentor and apprentice- I feel like this particular bond has been unfairly ignored in fanfic and the actual Warriors series, but mostly in fanfic. It's usually mates, which is fine, but after a while that gets boring. Sometimes it's siblings too. But anyways, this is a refreshing break.

The one thing that I think that could be improved with their relationship is to make it less perfect. I know if it's such a good relationship it makes it sadder when it's broken apart. But if you gave Lichenheart a flaw, or Bramblefire a flaw, or make both of them have their faults, it's more realistic and it makes them more relatable. Also, if Lichenheart and Bramblefire had a fight and then made up, it would be effective because it shows how strong their relationship is.

This story is a little fast paced, but it's a one-shot, so that's too be expected. I actually think it's better fast paced here because there isn't any sort of convoluted plot, it's just a story that's meant to be sad and shows how a character deals with a loss. So I'm going to say you did a good job with the pacing.

One other thing: If you are writing flashbacks, it helps to write "flashback" at the top, or make all of it in italics, not just the first sentence. That would make it a little less confusing.

But overall, good job.

~end spoilers~