Talk:Warriors: The Beginning Of The End/@comment-25531638-20130812204459

-SPOILERS-

Wow. A lot of people have made these stories, where it's after the final battle, but this one certainly is outstanding.

I like how there's mention of Ravenpaw, I feel like he sort of needs more attention, and it's great how he is there and there's a story behind it. I just feel that you should go into a bit more depth, into his story.

I loved how Blazekit is all innocent, completely unaware that he's extremely powerful.

His nightmare was great. It's so cool how the cat says that its his "future". :D

Here are all the major grammatical errors/typos I found. Someone please tell me if I'm being obnoxious in pointing them all out:

Prologue:

He dragged the body of his deceased friend further, he wanted to bury him near their old home.-- between the comma and "he" you should probably put "as" or "because".

"Warriors of StarClan," he began, "a new prophecy has been fortold."-- the "a" in the second set of quotes should be capitalized, and "fortold" should be "foretold".

"But which six cats?" asked a Starclan member,-- the c in "Starclan" should be capitalized.

Chapter 1:

He's now hunting with StarClan he said to himself.-- There should be a comma after the italics.

Brambleclaw would soon become Bramblestar when he recieves his nine lifes from StarClan. The Warrior returned to his camp. There was something he had to do, he had to let Squirrelflight know he still loves her.-- "recieves" should be "received", "Warrior" shouldn't be capitalized, and the last sentence should probably be separated into two.

"...Would you want to accompany me to the moonpool?" asked Brambleclaw.-- "moonpool" should be capitalized.

"Oh yes, sure. Why not?" replied Lionblaze, his voice filled with happiness that he would go to the moonpool together with his leader.-- "moonpool" should be capitalized, and "together" should be deleted.

Brambleclaw sat in the den, that previously belonged to Firestar, when he heared cats entering the camp.-- "heared" should be "heard".

A Kitten of about one moon old lingered alone in the forest near the lake.-- "Kitten" shouldn't be capitalized.

"A kit, can't you see that you old furball," she replied with an amuzing tone. --"amuzing" should be "amusing".

"He was alone?!" asked the medicine cat surprised.-- I don't believe that it's correct to put an exclamation after a question mark.

"But he's like a moon old, no mothercat would leave her kit alone in the forest."-- "mothercat" should be "mother cat".

"I'm not the clan leader." meowed Jayfeather, "But you will have to ask it to Squirrelflight because Bramblestar went to the moonpool together with Lionblaze."-- "clan" should be capitalized, "moonpool" should be capitalized.

“Stt, I smell an enemy cat. Do you recognize that scent?”-- I'm not sure was "Stt" is. Maybe you meant "Ssh" or something?


 * to be continued if I'm not being annoying*