Talk:Clueless/@comment-5488450-20130811111747

SPOILERS

I love the idea behind this story, having three 'fathers' and their fighting over her, is all terribly cute :3 But more than cute, it also gives this great sense of confliction. Something uncliche about this fanfiction that I loved is that, despite the fact that it's a collab, there is only one perspective and you all write from the perspective. Sometimes that creates a bit of confusion in the shift of writing styles but it's original and I liek that :3

That warning from Bramblestar was nice and I like the originality of the birthing den. In the prologue, I felt a little confused, maybe a few more details would be appreciated, I had to reread it is a few times to understand. Chapter one was great except some of the eventless parts seemed drawn at and at some points it was just her feel bad continously, it seemed a good bit like a plotfiller, and plotfillers are usually a bad idea. Chapter 2 was great but I'd recommend less sentences and longer pargaphs. I thinkt here was one like one paragraph that was two lines long, so maybe connecting some of the sentences that don't involve speach would be a good idea. Not enough of Chapter 3 to make any suggestions.

Please continue with this, though :3

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