User blog:Wetstream/Slightly Personal June Wikia Blog

I haven't created wikia based blogs in a few months, I've been slacking. I know.

I haven't been on enough to know what's going on around the wikia. I apologize and if anyone could catch me up in the comments below, I'd be forever grateful.

Awards
The wikia awards voting will end next week on June 28th. The finalists will go on for voting like that and such. Yeahh... We'll figure it out. By we, I mean the staff crew as a whole.

Awards ceremony business will also be decided by staff.

Personal
My school year ended May 29th. I've been absent due to family coming and having been at camp all of last week.

My lack of appearance on the wikia has continued for a while now. I haven't been impacting the wikia in a way that I'd like to. I disappear for weeks at a time, and I apologize to Rainy for leaving her as the only active admin around.

Trigger warnings ahead for those that don't take kindly to dark thoughts.

This year has been difficult for me. I struggle with depression and anxiety problems. My depression is something I haven't delved into online, for it's something I've struggled with since I entered 7th grade. I'm not exactly sure what triggered it, but it could have something to do with being alone for many months as my friends grew sick of me (I do not want pity for that, as it happened over 3 years ago, and such friendship problems have now been fixed). But it grew more this year, causing me to do things I regret and causing damages in relationships with those I hold dear to me.

People who hold depression as beautiful and dark and mysterious disgust me. It is not beautiful, and the only thing mysterious is why it never goes away. And I'm saying that for me, for some of you may have struggled with depression and overcame it, but for me, it never really ended. I go from being happy to being down for weeks. Sometimes it's just there for months at a time, a painful darkness looming in my head. I'm trying to be blunt with this by saying it sucks. I've messed up such close bonds by people as they grow sick of me trying to explain my problems (one person even told me they are annoyed with some of my problems a lot of times), and that mixed with anxiety keeps me from telling anyone anything anymore (That's a lot of "any"s isn't it?). Depression has caused me to believe I might not even make it to college, causing me to not even plan for the upcoming future. I've been suicidal, I've self-harmed, I've tried to kill myself. Again, I'm blunt. But I think you guys deserved a real reason to why I haven't REALLY been on in a while. I'm fighting that pain however, I'm trying to fix it and see hope for me. I don't want like a huge festival of people contacting authorities on me, I've found help. I'm not as bad as I've been before. I'm getting better, I really am. Will I continue to struggle with depression? Yes. Will I let it rule my life and ruin my relationships? No.

For those who aren't religious, feel free not to read this next part. It won't hurt my feelings, haha. As for me, I'm a Christian. I'm a nonbinary, pansexual, Democratic Christian. I try to not like my beliefs and ideals get in the way of my religion, though it is hard for me. Past churches has basically treated me as broken due to my sexuality, I am bullied based upon my sexuality and appearance, and it sucks. But going to my current church gave me hope, for even if I am not out to anyone there, they treat others like me with respect, and thus I respect them. I went to a church camp last week to Daytona, it was truly life changing. For now, I do have a reason to fight this depression. My religion gives me hope, even if others break it down. I know that sounds preachy, but it really did impact me for the better, and it makes me happy.

Other than that I will try to finish my stories. I will try to fight this writer's block and inevitable feelings that my writing will never compare in order to keep writing. Writing is one of my escapes and I want to keep it up, even if it's just on Warriors fanfiction.

I'm telling you guys all this because I care a lot about my friends here. I care a lot about how you guys think of me, and I just think I whole blog of just be admitting it all to you and coming clean would help. Don't worry for me, friends, okay? I'm better now.

Love you guys, and hopefully I shall go back to writing soon <3

Wet stream  02:19, June 22, 2015 (UTC)