Talk:Fluttering Like a Falling Leaf/@comment-24519368-20170421182140

I first thought this was a story about if Leafpool and Crowfeather permanently running away fromt he clans like they did in Twilight and changing their names, but then I re-read the descriptions and saw that they were kits.

Anyway:

The prologue was excellent in pacing and structure. The ending did have me intrigued as to whether Leaf and Crow were brought into Skyclan and saved from near death or reincarnated into cats with similar names (though young kits in a blizzard and drowning would definitely be dead).

When Darkpaw was mentioned to scare Leafkit "a lot" it gives hints that he will be a villanous character.

Most times, the sentences containing description of the cats doesn't flow with the narrative, but that will improve over time. Include it where it fits, and build it up gradually over a section of writing (chapter or story) rather than dumping a lot into one sentence. It disrupts the story's flow.

To conclude: this is a good setup, now we just need something pivotal to the plot to set things in proper motion. It'll be interesting to see what you have planned.