Talk:Singularity/@comment-17759525-20170628194411

-commenting contest, tier 1-

sooo confession time, I’ve been stalking this story since shortly after it came out oops

PROLOGUE

Let me just say that the descriptions here are A M A Z I N G. It’s like a weird mix of human existentialist thoughts (?) and cat thoughts, and it’s a kind of narration that I’ve barely seen used in /any/ story, much less one related to Warriors, haha. Not much else to say here except wow, and great job.

CHAPTER ONE

And the unique narration continues!. Sagekit’s already being set up to be a sort of underdog, it seems.

This is a good blend of story and some exposition, where the characters and their surroundings are beginning to be set up through the actions and dialogue from the very start.

Smart cat or no, Dawnkit seems /way/ too mature for her age. I understand from having read farther on that that’s kind of the point, but it just seems so weird and unnerving. Again, I understand it – but it’s always struck me as odd that she’s like that even from such a young age. It’d be like a toddler … saying something no toddler would ordinarily say. I dunno, that simile derailed ’cos I couldn’t think of a good way to close it, moving on

I kinda feel bad for her. The way she is sets her apart from everyone else at the beginning; I don’t think she’d stand a chance at living a “normal” life even if she wanted to. Such deep and philosophical thoughts here, whyyy it hurts my puny human brain

I do enjoy the symbolism (?) of her body getting smaller and sicklier. It’s like physical proof of what’s happening to her mind as she isolates herself. It’s sad, too, how she’s still able to put some effort into appearing “normal” at this point, just a little bit.

CHAPTER TWO

I like Foxsong… she’s quite a contrast to Dawnpaw. They’re opposites in almost every way, it seems.

The power Dawnpaw has over the other cats is just… so weird. (“power” being used loosely here.) She could become an interesting tyrant someday *cough*

I feel like the way they treat her probably has an effect on her, though. If they made more of an effort to try to talk to her and include her, maybe she wouldn’t end up this way quite as much. Or maybe it’s inevitable, who knows.

(Allegiances: “blue eyes” chapter one: “yellow eyes” chapter two: “blue eyes”)

“plastered themselves to each other” is a great phrase, haha

More terms that seem out of place. “threads”, “woven”. “bird system” is also kind of odd. Dawnpaw’s impossible to relate to, honestly, her thought process is just so strange

And then suddenly prophecies! You said in a reply to someone else’s comment that she doesn’t have powers, but it sure seems like she does to me.

-to be continued-