How To Save a Life

Lightning cracked across the sky, closely followed by the roaring of thunder. The tom sat hunched in the windowsill, watching the rain fall in sheets and waver the glass till everything was distorted. Every bolt of blue-white light reminded him of that fateful night; moaning softly, he leaned forward till his forehead touched the rain-chilled glass of the window, unmoving even when a bout of thunder shook the whole foundation of the house.

Each strike of lightning cracked the stone barrier he built up to block out the night a little bit more. Destroyed his ability to fight off the images. Years later, the flashbacks of things he hadn't relived in years back rushing back to him, leaving him hunched over and gasping for air.

''"Can we talk?" She whispered in his ear, bringing him from sleep. He purred and pawed at her ear before rolling to his paws, stretching.''

''"Sure," He said, following the tip of her sleek cream-colored tail out of the den. She left the camp and wove her way through the forest, her pelt becoming dark and damp where it brushed against the water-weighed ferns. Finally, just at the edge of the territory, she stopped.''

Step one, you say we need to talk

He walks, you say sit down it's just a talk

''"What's the problem?" He asked, sitting down on the damp earth. She was still facing away from him, her shoulders hunched, rainwater dripping from the tree over her head to splash darker dots on her cream fur. ''

''Something was clearly bothering her - he wanted to go to her, to press against her flank, tell her it was going to be okay. To destroy whatever was making her act like this. But something in the way she held herself, the air of emotion hanging in a dense cloud, warned him to keep away.''

It seemed an eternity before she turned around to face him - and her expression was one he would never forget.

He smiles politely back at you,

You stare politely right on through

''"What is it?" He whispered, fear clenching his belly. Her eyes looked haunted, devoid of any emotion - all emotions except for fear.''

''"He knows," She'd moaned in a whisper, her body hunching. "Pineshadow. He warned us. And now, it's all my fault, he knows, he knows-"''

''"How?" He demanded, growling. "How in the name of StarClan-"''

''"I don't know," She whimpered, shaking her head. "I have no clue. But - I don't care - I just want to be with you..."''

''"Don't be stupid," He said, shaking his head. "He threatened to hurt you. If he knows, we can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."''

Turning around and walking away from her, from the only cat he'd ever loved, was the hardest thing he'd ever done.

Some sort of window to your right,

As he goes left, and you stay right

''Alone in the wet forest, she closed her eyes, fighting the battle of emotions struggling to take root. She fended off each one - anger, sadness, fear, confusion - and only allowed herself to feel emptiness. A lonely, haunting emptiness that would be punishment for her carelessness. The carelessness that ruined everything.''

''On the other side of the territory, he wandered alone, not knowing and not caring where his paws were taking him. He was blind to everything except her - her pure cream pelt, her blue eyes. Deaf to everything except the sweet tone of her voice and the vibrations of her purr. Unable to feel anything except her soft fur brushing against his as he walked, her breath on his ear...''

''He would kill Pineshadow. If it was the last thing he ever did, he would kill the tom responsible for taking her away from him, for making her feel so scared and hunted. A growl rumbled through him, and as he sunk his claws into the soft ground he imagined them tearing through a brown tom's throat.''

Between the lines of fear and blame

You begin to wonder why you came

''She knew he was there even before she opened her eyes. He made no sound, but the air around her began to smell familiar, and she opened her eyes calmly and there he was, sitting in front of her with his tail wrapped over his paws.''

''"I warned you," He said, twitching an ear. "Did I not? I told you. You fall in love with that tom, and you were going to get hurt." She bared her teeth, fur prickling.''

''"You don't scare me, Pineshadow. Hurt me. I don't care. I don't regret loving him." The brown tom's tail swished thoughtfully.''

''"I wonder if he loves you enough to come running when he hears you scream. I saw him walk away from you." He lunged forward, snarling, claws reaching for her throat.''

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

''He was jerked out of his reverie by the sound of her in pain. A shriek, so loud and hopeless it startled a flock of birds into taking flight. Any other cat would've taken advantage of the birds and yanked a few out of the air - but he was running, running so fast he nearly barged into trees, his heart growing cold in his chest.''

''He was there, shaking her blood from his claws and looking very unconcerned that she was lying in a pile of cream fur at his paws - and blood staining her throat from the wound he'd made. Screeching, he dropped to her side, pressing his paws to her throat, trying to stop the bleeding.''

''"You're too late, you know," Pineshadow said, sitting on a somewhat dry stone and licking the blood from one paw. "Maybe if you hadn't left her you could've saved her. Convinced me. Changed my mind." He didn't hear the brown tom; he was deaf, robbed of every sense except sight - and all he could see was her blue eyes, terrified, fixed on him. A line of blood came from her mouth - she tried to speak but only a bubble of blood came out. He groaned.''

''"This is pathetic," Pineshadow sighed, getting to his paws and beginning to leave. "Come find me once she's dead and you're ready to seek revenge." A crack of thunder followed his last word, and rain dumped from the sky for the umpteenth time that day, just as the tabby tom whisked away into the bushes - leaving him alone with his dying love.''

''He stayed with her as the day came to an end and night took over. The lightning trailed away and the only light came from the moon, silver and pure. He crouched by her side as she forced the words out in a rattling breath - "I love you" - and the light faded from her eyes, the blood flowing from her neck slowly subsiding.''

He thought he was too exhausted to even groan when she finally passed on - but he surprised himself to find he had the energy to shriek in misery, hearing it echo through the silent forest.

And I would have stayed up, with you all night

Had I known, how to save a life

''The next morning, after buring her, he tracked down Pineshadow in his camp. The brown tabby was grooming his tail, a half-eaten squirrel at his paws, not a care in the world. He growled, and the murderer looked up.''

''"'Bout time you got here. I was wondering if you were going to try to get me back at all." He stood, shaking out his pelt, with such a careless manor he wanted to rip the tom's throat out. All in good time, he reminded himself sternly. "Shall we?" Pineshadow asked, leading the way out of camp. He followed the tabby tom, stifling a snarl.''

''Pineshadow stopped in a copse of bramble bushes, turning to set brilliant amber eyes on him. "Get on with it, then," He said, twitching an ear. "Try to kill me. Make up for your mate's lost life. A life for a life. Except it won't be mine that balances it out - it will be yours." He released his snarl, claws sliding out to gouge at the ground. Pineshadow only rolled his eyes.''

''"You act like you're so tough. Like you can't be defeated. It'll bring me pleasure to prove you wrong, Pineshadow." He darted forward to sink his teeth into the murderer's throat.''

Let him know that you know best,

Cus after all, you do know best

''The two toms rolled over and over in the dirt, screeching and clawing and biting. Pineshadow was strong and fierce, but he was driven on by the grief of losing her. Her voice hummed in his ear as he sank his claws into any patch of brown fur he could; Pineshadow's moans were his fuel.''

''He raked his claws across the tabby tom's face so fiercely blood sprayed the ferns; Pineshadow snarled and sank his teeth into his leg, biting down until his teeth ground against bone, but he kicked him away, not feeling the burn of his wounds; he was light, weightless, numb. Pineshadow lunged at him but he knocked him away with a strong blow to the jaw; the brown tabby went sprawling to the ground. He looked up, and his eyes were huge with surprise  - and fear.''

Try to step past his defense,

Without granting innocence

''He held his mate's murderer down, paws pressed against Pineshadow's shoulders. He leaned close, until his teeth were right in front of the tabby's amber eyes.''

''"Scared yet?" He growled, breath billowing in the other cat's face. Pineshadow flinched but bared his teeth back.''

''"I will never fear a death by you. Even if it's approaching." He looked thoughtful for a moment, not even twitching when his claws pierced through the skin on Pineshadow's shoulders, drawing blood. "Do you think she'd want this? For you to kill her murderer out of simple revenge? It won't bring her back. She seemed above avengence."''

''"You knew nothing about her," He snarled, but the statement brought him up short. She wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want him to stoop so low as to murder - even if he'd lost her to a murderer. Pineshadow noticed his confliction and laughed once.''

''"See? Now you won't be able to do it. You're weakened by love." He shook his head and dug his claws in tighter - Pineshadow flinched, knowing it was over - before releasing the brown tom and stepping back, allowing him to get to his paws.''

Lay down a list of what is wrong,

The things you've told him all along

''"Why?" The word hung between the two toms. He shook his head, having no answer. He wasn't sure why he was letting Pineshadow live. There was nothing it could benefit to him. But having him dead wouldn't bring benefit either. It wouldn't bring her back - nothing would. All he could do was miss her until it was his time to join StarClan, so he could be with her again for all of eternity.''

''"I don't know. But don't make me regret it." He turned and walked away - and somehow, walking away from Pineshadow, the murderer of his mate, his only love - was even harder than walking away from her.''

Pray to God he hears you,

And pray to God he hears you

''He crouched at the edge of the cliff, watching the water crash against the stone so far below. White froth clung to the rocks - it was the color of her fur, and the water was the exact shade of her eyes. A moon later and her death still weighed his shoulders. ''

''A moon later and every night he still saw the blood on her throat and here Pineshadow's laugh in his nightmares. A moon later and he still wished he'd ignored the tom's taunts and killed him.''

''His claws dug into the clifftop. He dreaded the Gathering tonight. Dreaded having to see the murderer - he didn't think he would be able to stop himself from killing Pineshadow if he saw him. And be banished from the Clans for the murder of another cat.''

Where did I go wrong?

I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness

''He made up his mind later that day. He visited the place where she was burried one last time - spent the day with her, talking to her, saying it would be the last time and he was sorry he hadn't avenged her death. When dusk began to fall, he left her grave, and took his last walk through the territory. He reached the Twolegplace at nightfall.''

''He limped along through the streets, yowling and wailing as if in pain; it wasn't long before a young Twoleg kit came out of a den and scooped him up, crooning in his ear. She hauled him over her shoulder and took him inside; before the door closed, he took one last look at the forest. He swore he saw amber eyes staring out of the bushes at him, mocking.''

And I would have stayed up, with you all night

Had I known, how to save a life

That had been years ago. Now, he still lived with the Twolegs who had found him that night. They had another cat - a little she-cat, young, with cream fur and green eyes. Her name was Belle, and she reminded him so much of her. She was bright, lively, playful and cheeky. She had only been a kit when he first came to this place.

Now, she let out a quiet mew behind him - he twisted to look over his shoulder, his face cold from being pressed to the window for so long. Belle's cream tail twitched worriedly, her body language speaking of anxiety. Instead of answering her unspoken question, he leaped from the windowsill and bounded to the front door, slipping out of the cat door. Belle didn't follow.

As he begins to raise his voice

You lower yours, and grant him one last choice

He was right. There was Pineshadow, sitting on a tree root sheltered from the rain, tail curled over his paws. He was glad he was never given a collar to wear by his Twolegs - neither him nor Belle, though both outdoor cats, had ever worn one. He kept himself fit, eating fresh-kill he caught in the yard next to kittypet food, and he knew he still held his warrior frame.

"Why are you here?" He demanded of the tabby, unsheathing his claws to reveal they were still sharp and not trimmed away.

"Only to come say I've got a price on my pelt now. Apparently some young apprentice was around when I killed her all those moons ago. Saw the whole thing but never spoke a word. He finally confessed a few days ago. Everyone's hunting me." Pineshadow didn't look concerned by the though, unsurprisingly.

He sat down heavily, his tail sprawled behind me.

"You think I care? I've been waiting moons to see you dead. Every passing day I wish I'd torn your throat out while I had the chance. You were right. Her love made me weak." Pineshadow narrowed his eyes.

Drive until you lose the road,

Or break with ones you've followed

"What do you want?" He demanded, staring at the murderer. "I'm not going to kill you. I regret not doing it before, but I still can't. You were right. She wouldn't want that of me."

"No," The brown tom agreed. "She wouldn't. But I wanted to give you a reason to hate me more. Really make you angry you didn't do the job when you had the chance." Rage burned in his belly; he flattened his ears, trying to block his voice, but Pineshadow plowed on.

"Her sister. Her mother. Her niece. Her best friend. I killed them all. That's why the apprentice who witnessed me killing her spoke up. Her best friend's body, the last one, showed up a day ago. All of them had their throats torn out."

He will do one of two things,

He will admit to everything,

He screeched and lunged, trying to complete the task his claws had been aching to do for years, but Pineshadow was gone, whisked away and lounging out into the forest.

He took a step, ready to plunge after the brown tabby and hold him down, ravage his body till there was nothing left but blood - but a distraught mew jerked him out of his rage.

Belle's eyes were huge, her tail trembling - she looked up to him, like a father, depended on him. He turned back to the forest, wanting to badly to go after Pineshadow. Finish what should've been done the day she died.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

He turned and padded back to Belle, feeling defeated.

Or he'll say he's just not the same,

And you'll begin to wonder why you came

"He killed your mate?" Belle whispered, tightening her tail from where it was wrapped around her dainty paws. He nodded mutely. The cream she-cat pressed against his side; she was shaking.

"I'm so sorry," She whispered, her voice trembling. "But I'm glad you didn't go after him." He closed his eyes and laid his chin against Belle's head. It was easy to imagine their kit like Belle, had she lived and they had kits. Her pelt, his eyes, a mix of their personalities. Easy to imagine they'd had a kit before she died, and this was her, green-eyed and cream-furred and innocent.

And he was glad he hadn't gone after Pineshadow either.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

He died in his sleep, peacefully, years later. He looked desperately for her in StarClan, wanting nothing more than to feel her fur against his for the first time in years, but she wasn't there. Surely she hadn't gone to the Dark Forest? She was the most innocent cat he'd known, never doing a single bad thing.

"The kit," A voice behind him said. He turned; it was her mother, a white-furred queen named Morningwind. Her yellow eyes were empty of emotion, carefully blank.

"What kit?" He demanded, wanting only to see her again.

"The kittypet kit. Belle." Morningwind twitched one ear thoughtfully. "It's her reincarnate. She won't be here until the kit dies." He was taken aback. He'd been living with his mate's reincarnate for years - she'd never left him. She'd been by his side for years - she'd kept him from killing Pineshadow that day years ago.

His heart soared.

And I would have stayed up, with you all night

Had I known, how to save a life

It wasn't long before Belle joined him - hit by a car, her spine broken on impact. It was a painless death, and not long after, the half of her that was his mate joined StarClan while the kittypet half joined the afterlife all kittypets were granted.

She'd never looked more beautiful to him. Young and strong, blue eyes glowing, slender muscles working under her cream coat. All he could do was look at her, his eyes drinking her in, rooted to the place with the joy of seeing her alive again.

She touched her nose to his, purring, and the touch melted him; he pressed his face into her shoulder, finally feeling the softness of her pelt again, her warm, sweet breath on his ear.

'''Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,'''

Somewhere along in the bitterness

''Pineshadow ran, but the cat behind him was slowly, impossibly, gaining on him. His breath sawed out of his throat; his lungs burned and his legs were numb. His paw caught in a bramble and he pitched forward, sprawling. He tried futilely to get to his paws, but a blow to his side had him on the ground again. He twisted, panting, to look at his pursuer.''

''The resemblance to her was startling. Same cream fur, same way she held herself, same glint in her eyes, though this cat's were blue. A daughter, maybe? But no, that was impossible - she'd never had kits. And she'd never seen this cat in the Clan. Who was she?''

''"Who are you?" Pineshadow whispered, voicing his question. The she-cat swished her cream tail, her blue eyes hard and angry.''

''"My name is Belle." She bared her teeth, and though this cat was obviously a kittypet, she looked like a strong, loyal warrior in the moment. "He's dead. His mate was what held him back from killing you - but it won't hold me back. And I'm going to do what he always wanted." Pineshadow was terrified to find he believed her. That she would really kill him.''

She sank her claws into his throat.

And I would have stayed up, with you all night

Had I known...

"I'm sorry," Pineshadow rasped, struggling to force the words past his slashed throat.

The light faded from his amber eyes.

How to save a life...