Talk:On the Side/@comment-17759525-20140729234114

SPOILERS

CHAPTER ONE

(I told you I would.)

Okay, well, this is long. It has an interesting start, though, and the introductions to the characters and the story's main idea are interesting. That grammar, though...!

The description of Shade is interesting, and it makes me think that maybe she'll become important later on.

That flashback is interesting, too; it really shows how much Storm relied on her sister and how long she's basically been alone. Shade's breakdown is heartbreaking, both for the readers and for the characters.

The second flashback shows more of Shade's true character, which is good. It shows how Storm's relationship with Shade used to be, and how easily Shade can crack. Both cats are clearly in pain, and their mother's death still haunts them.

The whole idea of the series - that leaf-fall and leaf-bare have taken hold and won't let go - is definitely unique, at least. Seeing how Shade and Storm interact with the Clans will be interesting, too, because there aren't many stories where the Clans accept long-term help from rogues.

I like the way Shade seems to have a prominent place in the Clan. Her advice to Mistystar, if played out well, could lead to a unity of the Clans... or a war between them. It just depends on how you've written it, and I'll be eager to see more.

Oh, I get it - they're going on a journey to find the prey, all as once. So it'll be interesting to see whether or not the cats from the Clans will cooperate or not, and whether all of the Clans will be glad for the help.

Great job!

SPOILERS

This is for the 'One a Day or Die' campaign. Don’t ask.