Talk:Singularity/@comment-26432133-20170626041817

COMMENTING CONTEST

SPOILERS

Dawnpaw is the first good villain on this site that I've seen in a while- or any good villain in Warriors, for that matter. She's proud and arrogant- rightfully so, though she takes it a step or two too far. I see that, while her mind is beyond our puny mortal comprehension, we all have one thing she doesn't- a sense of morals.

I think it would have done better to add a few short scenes in the beginning that illustrate her sweet inquisitiveness? To show that she at least had a side like that, before her mind fully twisted her. One small nitpick: she refers a few times too often to "the threads", which leads me to question whether those threads are actual magic. Of course, I know they aren't, but perhaps changing the wording would make it better.

I love how you detailed her downward spiral into madness. In the beginning, you could just sense it in her, and you knew it was coming. Yet while we all knew that Dawnpaw would become something terrifying, it still wasn't predictable. Her amazing intellect is intriguing, and you crafted her character so well- even her speech register (way of talking) is unique and says a lot about her, especially in contrast to the casual registers of everyone around her. You, Blazey, didn't even need to point out to us how weird and mysterious Dawnpaw is, we already got a feel of it on our own. That's some good writing right there.

It's interesting to note that, while Dawnfire still considers Sageheart weaker than her for loving Ravensong, she doesn't consider him a "lesser being" as much as their own mother, even though Sageheart has butted heads with her significantly more than Robincall- if she ever fought with Robincall at all. Despite how much he hates her, and how much she's threatened him and his loved ones, this really works to make the prologue understandable. They're siblings with a sibling bond. Or maybe I'm going to guess that at the end, Dawnpaw repents before she dies? Who knows.

END SPOILERS

I'll admit- I've been stalking this story for the past few months. Hold on, let me take a moment to inflate my ego and add that HA IM THE ONE WHO INSPIRED THIS STORY BECAUSE OF MY CONTEST!

I'm pretty proud of my comment, I'd get an A+ in English for it. Amazing story, Blazey, I literally can't wait for the end!