Talk:Alone/@comment-8248793-20141202044231

SPOILERS

This is really interesting! I noticed at one part (explaining how you get powers) you kinda got confusing, you said it could be inherited but then it couldn't? And then Deer inherited a power from her grandmother?

But I really liked this! I definitely will read more of this series. I thought you should have mentioned Leaf's name earlier, I didn't know who she was until now. She's a very cool character, and I'm glad to see that the abuse of her dad didn't make her weaker, only stronger.

I thought it was a bit contradicting when you said that her father loved her, and then he seemed insane and wanting to kill her. Perhaps you should have removed one of those, or explained more on what happened to him and why he hates her now.

I liked Rigel, you did a good job to introduce him, and his power is utterly amazing. Leaf's power is too, I'm excited to see if the two of them goes Outside together and becomes mates and... I'm getting ahead of myself.

Anyways, can't wait for more, you're definitely doing good with this so far!

END SPOILERS