Talk:Days Until Heartbreak/@comment-25630395-20150818163408

Prepare yourself. I am reading this in order :D

Firstly I kind of read this in patches, but now I wanna give you a more detailed and better comment soooo. And I am impressed with how much you've done already!

I am going to commenting on every seven themes, to give you feedback faster. Obviously every one of them is a competition post.

SPOILERS+ COMPETITION POST.

INTRODUCITON

Oh wow, that intro was fantastic. It jumps right into the action and gives us a chance to see Sari, not just be told about what she's like. Now we can tell that she's tough, hostile, and leads a very interesting group of anti-tom cats which would never occur in nature. But she's also vulnerable which I can see, how she finds herself attracted to Ice.

I'm glad you didn't make her instantly fall in 'love' with Ice, because that would be unrealistic and annoying. Instead she pretty much hates him but I know there will be Ice/Sari later on :P

COMPLICATED

Okay so Sari's villany is epic, but she's too... evil. I don't really like her right now. It seems like she's just desperate to assume the worst of everyone, and doesn't even respect her followers. And I don't want Ice to ruin her D: She must remain Sari and not become softhearted.

Sari, you are not in love rn okay. You are crushing in someone. That is the new word of the day.

MAKING HISTORY

I feel as though Ice/Sari is a little rushed. The pace just seems unrealistic for who Sari is, but maybe she's just desperate for someone to hold on to.

I like Aura. She seems more sensible than Sari, but Sari's evilness is growing on me. I love how you put in this "you are a monster" thing. It makes me really think about how I would react if someone screamed that I was a monster.

I wonder how this relates to the theme. Is it 'making history' because Sari just attacked Kayli and sentenced her to a miserable life in the Dump? " >:D

RIVALRY

Okay I hate Shineblossom. Ice/Sari is cute and I like how Ice isn't afraid to give Sari a piece of his mind when she's trying to kill everybody.

I love villans and Sari is an interesting one, definitely. This is really, really good!

UNBREAKABLE

I feel bad for Sari, how she has to hide all her emotions from the rest of her group.

OBSESSION

No. No Shineblossom and Ice.

ICE WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING SECRET I HATE YOU AHHHH YOU ARE RUINING SARI'S EVILNESS AND YOU SHOULD JUST GO BECOME MATES WITH SOMEONE INSTEAD OF TORTRING US WITH YOUR SECRETS D:<

sorry. ahem.

I loved the dominance, who's in control thing!!! It made it all seem so much more cat-like and interesting, the chemistry between Aura and Sari. I feel like there's going to be a rebellion in Sari's group. All 'cause of Kayli and Sari's awesomeness.

ETERNITY

That was a nice change from all the philisophicalness of the past themes. I like how we got to see young cats being trained... and it was interesting that they were being trained to defend themselves against /toms/, not just any enemy.

The run-in with the kits was really effective in expressing Sari's regrets and conflicting emotions about become Ice's mate. And I supposed it wouldn't do any good to say that cat's don't cry emotionally lol.

I LOVE THIS STORY FIREY OKAY. I AM GOING TO READ MORE LIKE RN.

END OF SPOILERS FOR THIS PART >:DDD