User blog comment:Birdpaw/The power of four/@comment-1333071-20100704201158

I'm going to be constructive here. So, um... listen up. Except you're reading. LOL.

It's a fantastic idea for a story, I must say. The kit idea is a nice twist.

Sometimes, however, it changes from third person to first person, which is kind of confusing. I recommend fixing that.

Another confusing thing is the lack of paragraphs. Every new paragraph is a chapter, except for in the prologue, which I fixed.

A new paragraph begins when a new character speaks, does something different, or the current character does something. When a paragraph is getting WAY too long (you'll know), you know it's time for another paragraph.

The first book is calledA Kit's Adventure. Where's the adventure? I read it, and I didn't see any sort of adventure despite one of Birdkit running to RiverClan.

You also seem to have a lack of punctuation.

I've taken your chapter 3 and fixed it. Here's what it looks like:

As Birdkit followed Crookedkit with Windkit she started hearing.....voices. Crookedkit was looking at her worried and started to walk again, but she kept hearing The power of four will defeat the new blood and the phoenix will rise again.... She whispered. "What?" Windkit was looking at the landscape. It was still night, somewhere after moonhigh. Birdkit shuddered as a cool breeze came from ShadowClan's territory and remembered what Mousefur said. The cold winds sweep over every Shadowclan cats heart. She looked at the landscape. They were now in ShadowClan territory. She thought she saw something white like snow. That is where she heard a voice. "Dark does not always eqaute to light just as light does not eqaute to good. And from the darkness and the Bird will rebirth the phoenix..." Birdkit said, "Do you hear that?". Crookedkit said "Darkkit, Darkkit?" A pure white tom with jet black paws came out. "Crookedkit who....is this?" Darkkit was studying her carefully and said, "Hello I'm Darkkit," Birdkit nodded and said, "I'm Birdkit." She thought, ''If he's the darkness and I'm the Bird will we have a kit named Phoenixkit? No. Not possible! I can't love a cat from another Clan, especially ShadowClan.'' She said, "This is Windkit." She then continued, "I'm from-" Darkkit held up his tail and said, "ThunderClan. I heard. We were all announced at the Gathering." Birdkit saw the sun rise which scared her. She said to the other 3, "We need to go home." They all nodded and separated to the other territories. Darkkit guided her to ThunderClan territory and said, "Goodbye, Birdkit." Birdkit nodded and ran to the camp. She sneaked into the nursery to see her brother sleeping. She nestles\d in beside him and thinks, ''When I get older, I will be stronger. Maybe then the clans will respect me.''

She woke up to see two cats. Firestar nodded at the two cats. "Welcome Heartshine and Kestrelflight. What do wish to tell us?" Heartshine said, "I saw a dog go into your territory." Firestar nodded at the she cat. "Thank you Heartshine. We will set up patrols immediately. Thank you Kestrelflight for the catmint." Heartshine and Kestrelflight nodded and left. Then I asked Brambleclaw, "Who were they?" He said, "Kestrelflight is the WindClan medicine cat. Heartshine is a Windclan warrior with three kits. From what I've heard you might meet them someday."

That's it.