Talk:We Are Young (Songfic)/@comment-4751506-20130326154855

This is really great, Lilly! I'm not much of a fan of the song, personally, but I do think it was quite good how you tied everything in without being insanely obvious.

As Robo said, your mechanics were pretty close to spot-on, though there were a couple of times there were words misspelled, but the content's a bigger part of the picture. I mentioned it previously, but I really liked how nicely you tied the lyrics in with what was going on in the story, they worked out very well. At some points I got a bit confused, though, similar to Robo - you said he was Tigerstar's curse? Nightpaw's father was Pinefur, not Tigerstar, so that got me quite befuddled at one point. Similar to what Robo said, towards the end I got really confused - it's not a crime to love another, and Lightpaw never became committed to Nightpaw. He may have been hopelessly in love with her, I presume, but he must have been excessively, hopelessly, completely in love with her to want to burn her for loving another - and even that wouldn't have been unconditional love, would it?

The introduction of Lilypaw really flabbergasted me as well...I get that she was a loner, but when did she and Nightpaw meet? I understand you probably didn't feel as though there was much time to explain that with the flow of the lyrics and all, but it could have been better if there was a little more clarity.

Overall, I'm going to have to give you a 6.5, for the aforementioned, which, as Robo said, is a great score as her scores are going to be low and all. :3