Talk:Time Ticks By/@comment-8248793-20141016013915

SPOILERS

I do like how you separated the times, but I felt as though too much happened to Storm in just one day. It's a bit much, to have her go through so much, when it was only one day (I believe) Like yes, if it was days, it'd be more sensible, but this was all in one day.

But I do like the way you described each new torture, and Storm's feelings. My problem with this part is that Storm doesn't actually talk like that. I apologize if my writing style and yours just differ, which is the reason she sounds different to me, but Storm to me, is more snappy and sarcastic, rather than the melodic (is that how you spell it xD) way Shade talks.

The plot structure and the flow of the story was very good, but I felt as though you introduced each new idea wayyy too fast. It wasn't too fast paced, but rather abrupt and quick at some points.

To me, I don't think Sunny would have been involved. But I won't take off points because this was your opinion of how Storm was kept in, and the same goes for the whole day of torture she had, you still get full credit for both of those parts.

This was very well done, but there were a few grammar mistakes: dogdes should be dodges, and there were a few I don't remember.

The Owl part was very unique! I'm glad to say that you did do well, but not so much as you may expect :c

16/20

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