Stranded

All right. I just started this, and am already having trouble. It would be really cool if you told me my strong points in comments, and what I need to improve on. And remember, this is just adopted, the plot all belongs to Shigura. I Love Rock n Roll, So Put Another Dime In the Jukebox Baby 03:17, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

Chapter One--Goldenpaw
"Hey! Loser!" she heard someone shout.

She rolled her big blue eyes, and scoffed.

"Hey! Loser!" Pricklepaw repeated.

"If I say 'what?' will you go away?" Goldenpaw snapped.

Pricklepaw leaned over her, opening his mouth to say something, when four beautiful words rang out.

"Hey. Leave her alone."

Goldenpaw turned to see Darkpaw stalking towards them.

"Darkpaw? You a loser now too?" he taunted.

She inched away and shook herself, anxious to hear his reply.

Darkpaw shook his head, ruffling his gorgeous fur. "You're right. What am I doing, defending Bug-eyes?"

Her heart fell.

Ignore them, she told herself. Her belly growled as she stalked to the fresh-kill pile.

A ray of sunshine broke through the clouds, making Goldenpaw's pretty yellow fur shimmer. Goldenpaw actually thought she was quite pretty. Her mother, Blossomstep, always told her how most she-cats would envy her large, swooping ears and gorgeous, big blue eyes. Ha!

In fact, she got the wonderful name "Bug-eyes", just showing how beautiful everyone thought she was.

Goldenpaw peered down at the pitiful fresh-kill pile.

Pickings were meager. The population of the Clans had risen to about three times the original amount of cats. Most didn't really talk about it, but everyone knew it was happening, down to the tiniest kit.

Oh, let's all just pretend that this isn't happening, like everything's all peachy.

Cats already had gathered in the clearing, as Brightstar was already standing on the Highledge.

"Cats of ThunderClan!" she called, to the Gathering--size amount of cats, "I have some good news and some bad news."

"Get on with it, then!"

Since there were so many cats, a Clan meeting couldn't go without a couple of outbursts.

Brightstar just ignored it and went on.

"The bad news...Millie has died from a greencough outbreak."

Sad murmurs rippled through the clearing. Millie had been old; definitely old enough to join StarClan. But perhaps her life would've been more prolonged if she hadn't caught greencough from being in such close quarters.

"We will sit vigil for her tonight," Brightstar mewed sadly, gesturing to her body, lined with flower petals and mint leaves.

"And now, we have some good news, news that will help ThunderClan grow," she continued. ''Yeah. As if we need that. ''"Both Lilystreak and I agree that Darkpaw is ready to become a warrior."

Darkpaw came forward, looking astonished. Like he had never expected to become a warrior, being so honorable and nice and an excellent fighter. Even better than Goldenpaw herself.

''But there have been a few disobedience issues. ''Goldenpaw remembered all the times he had teased the exasperated Lilystreak.

"Darkpaw, do you promise to defend the Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"I do," he mewed firmly.

"Then by the power of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Darkpaw, from this moment on, you will be known as Darkfoot. May StarClan honor your courage and skill."

"Darkfoot! Darkfoot!" The whole of ThunderClan chanted. To her surprise, Goldenpaw found herself joining in as well. Even though Darkfoot had called her "Bug-eyes" just a few moments ago.

A big group of his friends flanked him, talking and laughing, including the beautiful Mintpaw.

Goldenpaw turned away, to fester in her own thought. But she felt warm breath in her ear.

"It'll be you too, before you know it," Darkfoot whispered.

Goldenpaw jerked away. ''What just happened...? ''That whisper must've been meant for Mintpaw.

She turned to the fresh-kill pile once again, which was now being raided by Darkfoot and Co.

Goldenpaw sighed. Well...I guess I should be focusing on not becoming fat anyways...

She did a quick groom, then stepped into the apprentices' den. It was nicely empty. Cause all of them are out partying with Darkfoot.

She curled up into a relaxing sleep, although it was a light one.

The rest of the apprentices came trampling in at nearly moonhigh.

"Ha ha yeah, and how Petalpaw screamed!" she heard Pebblepaw laugh.

"Oh, shut up," Petalpaw moaned, "Oh. Looky here."

Goldenpaw felt one of her large blue eyes flicker open.

"Oh! Oh no! I'm tripping!" someone began to say. Everyone snickered. And splat, Goldenpaw felt a huge weight land on her tail.

She jumped, her head snapping upright.

"Did that hurt Goldenpaw?" Pricklepaw teased, as Waterpaw got off her tail.

She snorted. "Yeah. Only because Waterpaw's so fat," she retorted.

"Oooh!" Everyone called out.

"You challenging me?" Waterpaw said, in mock anger.

"No," she replied plainly. Then curled back up and buried her head in her nest, hiding her tears.

"Let's leave her, guys," Mintpaw said, "She's all boring now."

There was some muffled, clumsy shuffling around her as every apprentice struggled to find a place to sleep.

The issue of overcrowding and disease from overcrowding was once again brought to Goldenpaw's mind, along with her rumbling belly. Yet not even that could cancel out the events of that night. Most of the time she could block out the teasing, and deliver some witty words. And she tried.

But that time it hurt her, scarred her feelings. There was not one friendly face to comfort her; even Darkfoot's would do.

"You'll never amount to anything, Goldenpaw. Never," Pricklepaw said through the darkness.

Chapter 2--Flickerpelt
coming soon