Talk:Polar Zone/@comment-25926899-20151104224457

part two-seven (spoilers)

i finally read everything currently published!!! sorry this is gonna be a really short comment unfortunately but even though it's really short aside from the little errors and suggestions that doesn't mean i'm not IN LOVE with this story it's actually so good i love the setting and the characters and the writing everything is just so nice (well i mean not nice characters--or even the setting really--but nice you know what i mean????)

anyway i have 3 little things you might consider changing (emphasis on little this fic is so good i'm at a loss for criticism):


 * 1) 1. in part four i saw "Both Lucifer and I are blinded." but because this chapter is in both Everly's pov and Everly's voice we shouldn't be able to see through Lucifer's eyes at all (lmao bec he's blinded get it dont listen to me) so saying that Lucifer is also blinded is a uh blind assumption (stop me) but in all seriousness tho it's kind of jumping out of her pov for a moment even if it is highly likely she cannot say for certain that he is in fact blinded.


 * 1) 2. you used best friends to refer to calder and farah twice in part six and while the occassions were spaced out p well it still felt weird that she first refers to them as "a pair of rambunctious best friends named Farah and Calder" but later she has to be informed that they are, in fact, best friends. to keep the effect the first one ofc is the one you'd wanna change (not that you don't already know I just like leaving long comments) so maybe if you called them a pair of rambunctious friends, just remove the "best"??? movin on


 * 1) 3. a very small error in part seven i caught was "I have to sneak back into Greer's done" where i assume you mean to say "Greer's den"

i have this feeling this ain't where you're headed at all but i think the cecily/lucifer thing is really interesting and i'm looking forward to more interaction between the two of them. i could definitely ship it although i do wonder what cecily currently sees in the white demon. cecily herself i wonder about, also. she's greer's daughter which naturally would make me suspicious of her but also she's not a hollow shell like lucifer so???? idk i just wanna see more.

lucifer's development is really great, like it's not forced and it's very gradual so it feels very real, especially now we know he hasn't always been like that. reading "Did I make the she-cat's last glimpse of Earth one of horribleness?" in one of his chapters was whoah because for a moment he seems concerned about how another cat feels??? i wonder what other kinds of feelings he'll start to realize aside from no fun sorrow. and how he'll react to it. ahh i'm excited it'll be fun to see him develop some more positive feelings.

i'm sure this is never gonna show up ever again but i see potential for jett/everly and i like what i see. jett seems like a well-rounded dude and he's a nice break from the harsh setting and the extreme characters (everly with her ever changing emotions and lucifer with his lack thereof) ofc that's not to say i don't love the setting and characters but i feel like jett's personality (as well as the other guards') is a great contrast to lucifer, everly, greer, cecily, yknow, he helps to highlight their faults and oddities.

(end spoilers)