Talk:The Adoption/@comment-5019333-20140810123826

SPOILERS

Great story so far!

I think you had a few errors, such as capitalization that wasn't necessary. When describing Squirrelflight finding Hazelkit (this is my opinion), you used "dark blueish gray" too many times (is it spelled bluish or blueish; I don't know).

Perhaps instead of saying "it was an orphaned she-kit with dark blueish gray fur," you can say "it was a small, shivering body." After, I suggest you write "burrs sticking to her fur" instead of "blueish gray fur."

Also, how did Jayfeather know there was something on Hazelkit's head? Was it sticking out of her head so he could feel it?

I really like the idea of this orphaned kit, and ThunderClan taking her in. Will her Clanmates despise her? Will she find love?

Keep up the excellent work!