Talk:The Love Queen/@comment-26432133-20161030071949

Hey Fox! So I tried to comment a couple days ago on how this is REALLY COOL but Wikia wouldn't agree with me and kept saying something about session hijacking blah blah blah.

SO IN SHORT: Very interesting, second chapter is pretty good but feels like a dump on the reader, keep going!

*looks at second chapter again*

Okay, it doesn't feel like an overwhelming flood. The last sentence, though, I find unnecessary. Except "The rest are trained to be peaceful cats". Fighting if necessary is implied, as we wouldn't guess they'd be overboard peaceful and so is hunting for prey. Though you put "definitely", it's a little unnecessary tidbit that slows the reader down and adds a bit of boredom.

Personally, I try to avoid chunks of exposition and try to weave them into their story. "we don't give ourselves stupid names" could be written as a remark about how stupid Clan names are. I find myself wondering if "My History" is really necessary.

But if it's essential to the plot, tell me and I'll wipe away half of this comment ;P