Hide Away

This is the 4th episode of Two Sided She-cat.

"Are you okay?" Minnowleap startles me out of my thoughts. My heart is thudding and my fur is bristling. "Are you okay?" He repeats. My voice catches, but I manage to croak out, "I'm fine. I need to get some rest." I then leave the medicine den. It'll be okay. I promise. My mother's voice rings in my head. Oh Morningleap. How I wish it was. I lie down in my nest. I try to shut out everything, in hopes of getting to sleep, but nothing works. Even when I do sleep, I get nightmares. Clearly I can't rest, so I think about the past. Before the storm. Before Darkshadow. I close my eyes and remember. " From this moment on, you will be know as Sunpaw." That was Hailstar, leader when I was born. He was strong, brave, and smart. Then his bloody gruesome death flushes in. More work of Darkshadow. I push that away, and focus on the memory of my best friend, Goldenflight. Remorse hits me hard. You were so young. I don't know what you saw, but I hope it was worth it. I shake my head. All my memories are sad and worthless. I want to hide from this, but it's impossible. Even if I left, Darkshadow would continue to terrorize everyone. I collapse. It feels like nothing really matters anymore. Finally I get the strength and walk to the apprentice den. "Hey Ashpaw, ready for some battle training?"

I spend most of the time before sun-high, teaching Ashpaw. The only good thing that could ever come out of having Darkshadow exist, is that all my battle moves are sharp. It's the only part that might be helpful one day. Eventually Ashpaw gets tired, and I send her on a hunting assessment. But I don't watch her. I just wish I had never been born.

Minnowleap returns to the Warriors den. He seems fine, just a little shaken at Mousepaw's sudden death. I wish I could feel the same way. I want this nightmare to be over. I want this all to end. Yellowpelt tries to cheer me up, but her jokes just make me feel miserable. She soon gives up. I just lie there. The sun gets lower and lower in the sky. I want to leave, but there's no point. Darkshadow will find her way here anyway. But the odd thing is that I actually sleep that night. I don't feel any pain at all.

When I wake, everything is calm. I have no memories but of sleep. And I smile. Darkshadow couldn't take me! Maybe I can beat this after all! Maybe I don't have to deal with this. But a thudding heart, and cold nest tells me that I'm wrong. I just don't remember anything. No cat seems dead. I carry on with duties as normal, and the water look blue as ever. This leads me to think Darkshadow only wished to scare me. I think maybe she didn't do anything. Then we find Ashpaw's dead body. My heart is chilled.

The misery continues all day. I feel sick. Then Minnowleap pads over to me. "Are you okay? You've been feeling down, and now.. with Ashpaw." He trails off. I sit quietly and watch the sun sink lower and lower into the sky. That's when I break down and tell Minnowleap everything. Then I run, praying it's not to late to escape