Talk:A New Dawn: Blood River/@comment-17759525-20131130154311

Yay, there's more X3

SPOILERS

CHAPTER TWELVE

Gosh, this is a long chapter. I like the first part, in the medicine den. It really shows Mintpaw's personality. I also like how Jayfeather uses his powers. I think a lot of people writing just after The Last Hope forget that the Three's powers still exist. So, good job with that :3

The description of the Moonpool path is really good, as is the imagery of Littlecloud. Gosh, I wonder what happened to him! Again, I like how Jayfeather always knows where he is and the best ways to go X3 The introduction of another medicine cat apprentice could make things interesting, too. And Mintpaw's excitement for being a medicine cat could make this turn out a few different ways :3

Grammar Nazi moment: You forgot the period between Moonpool and Starlight.

Back to the story. The StarClan cats are well-described, and I love that Mintpaw gets to see her mother <3 And Cinderheart's warning about what being a medicine cat means is rather foreboding....

"And you and your brothers have been very brave, braver than I have." I think this sentence would make more sense if you added "been" to the end, as in, "braver than I have been." Maybe it's just me, but it sounds weird as it is.

Ooh, I love it when everything turns to blood. It's so ominous, especially when Tigerstar comes. I get the feeling the Dark Forest is going to come back, and that'll be sooo exciting if you write it well. And the last line... "Don't scream. There's nothing you can do." It sends shivers up my spine!

END OF SPOILERS

HIMG, I love the way you write! Your descriptions are really good, you know how to develop cats' personalities, and your plots are amazing. You tie in the cats from the actual series in with your story, and it works. Sometimes people fail at tying them together, but you've done an excellent job with this. You also know how to leave really good cliffhangers XD

I can't wait for the next chapter!!!