Talk:Wrath/@comment-7410018-20150318192758

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I know there's not much to comment on, but wow, I really feel like I should. Your writing could actually be confused with real professional writing, as your flow, pace, and word choice are amazing throughout. Your grammar is great too, I don't think I even saw one mistake.

I really like the poem in the beginning. It gives a good hint of what the story is going to be about, and it the rhyme scheme works really well. Your prologue drew me in instantly, with sophisticated word choice and anticipation to see what happens to Volepaw.

You write the hatred really well. A lot of the time, when me or other writers try to write emotions such as hatred, it comes out sort of forced. But the way you wrote it, it fits perfectly and seems natural. I think you did excellent at reflecting Brokenstar's personality too.

And poor Tansypaw. A well-written death so early captures my attention. I'm glad that something actually happened in the first chapter, instead of it just being boring exposition.

Anyways, this is a great job so far, I look forward to reading more. And I'm sorry that this comment isn't longer, it's just that there's not much of the story yet.

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