Talk:Rogue/@comment-17759525-20170718130223/@comment-17759525-20170726131449

cont'd

O_O

This is just escalating so much. So much is happening, so many characters and details to keep track of... yet it all works together so well. Your writing is amazing !!!

I also like the way the characters talk. All the "kid" and "dude" and stuff makes them sound so casual, so much more like humans. It's fun slangy talk that really gives them a bit of extra personality :)

I do think the relationship between the Allegiance and the Clans is pretty interesting. The Allegiance cats are very aware that the Clan cats are out there, yet the Clans seem to have no idea that the Allegiance exists. Why is that ??

Favorite moment: "He was staring at Breeze to make sure she was watching, but she only turned her back in time to hear him tip over in effort and land on his face." Perfect <3

I kinda like Thorn. I'm glad he regrets exiling Rowan, and I'm glad that he loves Sorrel, even though she's secretly not actually his kit.

Screech is also an intriguing character. It seems like there are a couple parallels between her and Sorrel, perhaps. And she's smart, and observant, much more so than the other Allegiance cats. I wonder if she'll cause trouble for Breeze, or eventually join up with her? Hm.

Some mistakes/confusing things I noticed:

-It feels like Winter goes back and forth between thinking Sorrel is Breeze's kit and knowing she's not. In chapter seven, Breeze says right in front of Winter "If I didn't get forced into a bonding pact with your mother...", so she should know that Breeze and Sorrel aren't related. But then later on she seems fully convinced that Sorrel is Breeze's kit.

-"pregnant with Jasmine and I" should be "pregnant with Jasmine and me"

-"she untended when sh recognized"

-"hostile gores" = ??

-The first paragraph in chapter nine is in bold, for some reason.

-"Breze stepped back"

-