User blog:BladeOfHope/I'm not dead

Jumping on the blogging bandwagon trend here in an attempt to rant about my life.

So, despite having had a brief spurt of motivation again (i.e., Wolf), I promptly proceeded to fade out of existence again. Life's been really weird lately.

So my mom's been in the hospital for like two weeks now. People from our church have been bringing us dinners, my brother's been driving me to school, and my aunt flew in and has been helping out with stuff around the house, so it's not like things are totally falling apart. (They were at the beginning. Those first few days were pretty rough.)

But now it's gotten to the point where I'm used to it. It's become a sort of "normal" now, but at the same time, it... doesn't... feel real anymore, either. I find myself just wishing that this would all be over one way or another, and my mind's been going to some kind of morbid places.

My performance in school hasn't been suffering for it. I'm still maintaining straight As (miracle of all miracles, I'm in honors physics plus two AP classes and also Latin IV). We just took the practice PSAT (which is ridiculous. Just let us take the real thing already jeez) and I got minus four, three, and two respectively on reading, math with calculator, and math without calculator... but then it was also the exact same practice test we took last year, so...

It's just been weird. Like, really weird. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore, and by the time I get to about... well, actually, it's mostly just seventh period. By the time I get to APUSH, I'm just so tired of being at school and I want to go home and I'm just going through the motions at that point honestly

I'm pretty resistant to change. It's not one of my good qualities. But if something does change, I get it in my head that it should never change back... which has been causing problems when I think about what will happen when my mom gets better.

So, there's that. I may add onto this later, but for now, this is Blade, signing off.

D a r e k a,    u m i o   23:59, October 5, 2016 (UTC)