Talk:Pumpkin Moon/@comment-24143898-20171202064835

you know what? let's finally finish this, once and for all. here is the final comment for this story! I'm sorry it's taken so long to get to this point, but it's finally here and I hope this doesn't disappoint c:

SPOILERS

ok so they're heading into battle, better keep that in mind. fightfightfight bring it on

Chapter Eighteen, Chapter Nineteen, and the Epilogue:

Chapter Eighteen - Pfft Gouda, you are more naïve than I thought you were. I thought that he would've realized that this would be a fight to the death <.< he's been fighting for Gouda so long that this is inevitable.

Anyways. I'm conflicted. I don't really want a cat to die, no matter how much I dislike Target's doing to these cats. Yes, he's your shady typical evil bad-dude, but he's also got this air to him that's really interesting. There's a lot of things that I still have unanswered about him, so if he dies... hmmm. I'll be half-sad and half-happy to be honest xD

Also thinking that that would work against Target xD He's still joyful in the face of danger - an overly positive character. Completely unlike me (xD), Gouda is - but he's still a hope to those around him, in a way. He's still full of hope... it's a good thing but not really suitable for this situation (oh dear). I'm not surprised that Target didn't fall for that one :P

so wait did Target blind Gouda's eye or did he give him a wound over his eye? I'm not 100% sure, can you define what one it is

and a sense of dread comes (death) it's building. I felt it could've been developed a little bit more with the attacks, as only one was shown. to me, it felt like the tension elevated a little too quickly there, anyway.

ok he killed Gouda </3. riippp. kinda saw that coming, but notable death. considering he was the cat with the pov, it's gonna change now. bet'll be flare.

Chapter thoughts - feels are thereeee. I definitely felt emotion there. also rip gouda you will be missed. parts were rushed, but overall good :D

Chapter Nineteen - "the most innocent of cats" yeah Flare you got that right

also yay Flare gets a turn in the spotlight :D

aaand of course he goes onto the revenge mission. typical response. man, I can feel Flare's anger, feel Flare's emotion. I really like that, as it helps me to relate to him better, and feel what he feels. so that's good C:

Target's trying to be innocent? Hmm, I don't trust this. Unusual. Why is this suddenly happening?? This seems out of character for Target - I thought he'd be intent on trying to beat up Flare too.

"YOU LIVE LIKE THIS YOU DIE LIKE THIS" - yeeeep

coughcoughcough eXCUSE ME TARGET AND FLARE ARE BROTHERS??? WHAT

if this has only just been revealed, good plot twist *applauds* bc I don't remember this being mentioned before.

aNYWAYS BACK TO MY RANT - in this case, why in the name of StarClan was Target attacking Flare's group? What was going on between them? Dang, now I feel as though these brothers need a backstory somehow.

aaand target is dead saw that coming too. after what's happened, I consider that a deserved death. no rips for you. the knowledge about them being my brothers answered so many questions about his shady nature.

and there goes the end of the main story

as for the epilogue - oh dang Flare that's not healthy. His story is definitely not complete. also dON'T YOU DARE DO SOMETHING STUPID. obviously Gouda's death has a great effect on him, and only now am I realizing how great of an impact their friendship really had.

As for Shade... he's up to something. I don't what it is, but it's something to do with that lot. whatever it is, I don't know.

however, this story isn't finished. it's definitely beckoning for a sequel (which you've started, I believe?) I now have unanswered questions about Flare and Shade, so there's more coming.

Okay, finally, here are my overall thoughts for the story as a whole:

Overall, this is a great story! The world you developed is definitely a unique one, and one that draws you in. It's full of action, and never a dull moment (full of plot twists everywhere) - although it is a bit rushed in places and I feel it could be lengthened a little without losing that effect. The main characters - notably Gouda, Flare and Target - all have some solid development and are good cats, and a whole bunch of other characters get decent amounts of screen time as well. I could feel a connection through some of these cats, and feel sometimes what they were feeling. Good job on this, Night, and maybe (if all goes well) I'll be commenting on the sequel to this one day c:

END SPOILERS