Talk:Arrival/@comment-1829516-20121230101532

Okay! Constructive critism first, it is always good to get the things that need working on out first, right?

Things I really liked:
 * 1) A few of the names bothered me a bit. Like Angelsong and Dolphinsplash, I mean A+ for creativity, really good on that. However warriors probably do not know about Angels or Dolphins. Angels are a human-made thing (or anything else you believe) and they probably have no idea what a dolphin is, even if they have seen them.
 * 2) The Clan name also had a small flaw. The Clans use the term Green-leaf instead of summer, so SummerClan wouldn't exactly be correct.
 * 3) You also used 'miles', which is another term warriors don't use taking into fact that they say things like fox-lengths, tail-lengths, etc.

I can't wait to read more, seems like a very exciting tale. :3
 * 1) The SummerClan cats actually dislike the fact that kittypets are being allowed. I have read SO many fanfics that just up-right allow every cat in without any disagree with the leader or the kittypets/loners/rogues being allowed in.
 * 2) I love how you did the queens! Tons of writers forget that queens are supposed to be stessed and exhausted, since kits are quite adventurous and hyper. No queen is super peppy after just a moon of long work with the weight of kits on her shoulders.