Talk:Capture/@comment-26285531-20151228043740



So I wanted to stop and give feedback every two chapters or so but I just got so pulled into the story I read it all in one go :3 <3

Ahh the introduction was so intriguing, I definitely want to know more at this point about who this Nightwhisker is and why he's troubling Aspenpaw. (I also like how you label the start of new chapters instead of labeling them numbers or names, as part of the sentence. x3) You have good grammar, and really good vocabulary, and your writing kind of flows together so it's easier to let the reader understand and pull them in, but also is pretty self-explanatory.

I think you could have elaborated more on the setting of the story, but from what I've gathered it's a series of tunnels and caverns underground, with only one way out...? Also, how did Dreidel and Kaeben become the "leaders", and how did the cats arrive at the caves in the first place? Otherwise I'd consider this story pretty self-explanatory, tbh :)

You really gave me the picture of how much Aaryi (I really like these names you're using btw!) hates being in an enviroment like where she's in now. That really seems like an evil system, and probably a really difficult place to live in. Dreidel also seems pretty much in her own world and her own superiority (ugh, they have to lick the blood to clean it. How disgusting. x_x)

As Firey said below, I really don't think Kayn is evil in a sense, but she's mostly just "doing what's she's supposed to do." Like, she's the only one who's not afraid of the killing, mostly because she's a 'champion' and more chances than not she's gonna win, but partly because she's been through so much, what with her past and all, that she's become numb to these things and really feels like (or knows) that she has no choice.

The last part, I'm guessing, kind of tells me that Aaryi has been toned to the life she has right now and thinks the smallest things of insignificant and below her because she's a champion (when she, in a sense, looks down on the bugs and says they have no feelings). Great story, Blade! I'll definitely read & comment once you update again! :D <3