Talk:Nebula/@comment-25630395-20170305162209

here be part two

SPOILERS

CHAPTER FOUR: aww :c that was really sad. You did a great job of the 'less is more' tactic, though it was a bitttt too short. Also, I don't think the statement 'her son was an orphan' is correct... his father is still alive, no? And this is just something really random I wanted to point out- make your dialogue a bit more natural. For example, Supernova's line: "Don't worry about that [...] Just go. I think Pippa can make it through that span of time." struck me as odd and stiff. Too make it more natural, maybe something like: " Don't worry, just go! Pippa will be fine for a short while." or something. Still, that chapter hit me in the feels *sniffs*

CHAPTER FIVE: Aww, little Helix. I feel like I'm going to like him a lot, because his name reminds me of a DNA helix lol. Anyway, wow, I can see the sibling relationship begin to deteriorate, but I think it's not cool of Supernova to give up his son. Still, he must be heartbroken. I liked your description of the eagles, though I felt like Nebula's singling out of the lead eagle and her affectionate feeling were a bit arbitrary. Also, the line 'catch me later when I'm not telling a story' was awkward.

CHAPTER SIX: Noo, not the catwho'snameican'tspell! Wow. That was shocking and intense, though I don't exactly understand what she meant by 'she hated and loved it'. She liked that he died? Psychopathyyyy. Or something.

CHAPTER SEVEN: Brief, but interesting. These are some interesting new cats here, and I like them. Sentences were a bit choppy (i'm just being picky lol), so make sure to alternate the lengths of the sentences. So it's not really abrupt. There's a flow. Don't do what I'm doing.

CHAPTER EIGHT: I like Talon, I really do, but this chapter was confusing to me. How did Nebula know Talon's name, and why was she so quick to be friends with her? I feel like if a giant bird grabbed you up, you'd be screaming and yelling your head off. Still, I feel like they have a special bond... but their entire conversation just felt like they were in love with each other xDDD I know, I'm werid.

Nice job, I'll comment when you write more c:

END OF SPOILERS