Talk:Warrior/@comment-17759525-20151031191653

SPOILERS

ONE

Straight into the action! Your narrator must have a keen eye in battle.

…Wait. Crowd?

Jeez, that was ruthless. What’s WRONG with these cats? Ugh… as though murder were a spectator sport. “Fighting… is my life.” Woah O.o Also, “fly warrior”…? Obviously you’ll have to explain all this sometime later on, in some form or another, but for now, it’s all rather mysterious.

S’an interesting society that’s taking place here. There must be some semblance of a Clanlike structure, judging by their names, but it’s also massively different. (I guess it’s a bit like Even So in that way…?)

I’m curious about this main character, honestly. She’s recklessly rebellious, free-spirited, and ambitious. I love how you mix a few details of her backstory (or something) into all of this sneaking around. But ugh, the descriptions of the patrols’ deaths… it’s a great mix of information and action, but wow. That was reckless.

I kinda like, in this case, the vague sort of cross over between human vocabulary and the cattish world. “General” Blackthorn. (Huh, Blackthorn’s already in my computer’s dictionary… that’s odd.) Ohhh, and now Ravenflight’s having doubts about her little escapade! Interesting, interesting. She must hold some sort of respect for the general, if only at a basic level, if she’s uneasy about the guard’s words here. I dunno; just speculating.

“General Blackthorn glares at me with two hot pits of fire.” Those are… his eyes, riiight…? XD That was a fabulous description kthx

I really like Ravenflight’s character. She’s just so insolent, which is interesting for a main character. Shows right off the back that she’s no Mary Sue-type character (though I’m loath to use that term, because I feel like the term itself is stereotyped).

Huh, so there are only six of them…? Smaller than I’d have expected (though maybe I’ve just grown used to dealing with the monumental group sizes of Even So). But I like that we’re seeing this story from the early days of the fly warriors, when they’re still being established, and – more importantly – anything could still go wrong. The newness of this concept offers a lot of possible paths for them in the future, not all of them promising.

I kind of want to know more about the other “divisions” (for lack of a better word), too. What do the others do while the fly warriors do their work? What’s the purpose of all of the other pieces of this army of sorts? Though I do like how you start adding some descriptions to the purpose of the fly warriors here. “Neither of them use heights or even speed to their advantage.” I’m guessing that that’s what the fly warriors do, then, in some way or another…?

Reality’s sinking in for Ravenflight, which is good. I’ll be interested in seeing how this war is going to change her flighty personality, for the better or for worse.

“Enjoy your last free days, warriors.” Weeell! That’s not ominous at aaall. And neither is “Don’t do anything stupid, Ravenflight.” (Can you feel the sarcasm? There’s, like, major foreshadowing going on here.)

So… half the group isn’t ready, yet Blackthorn’s sending them out to fight. Seems a bit odd to me, but then, it does make sense… kind of.

END SPOILERS

Huh. This is interesting, and kind of confusing (BUT in a good way – all I mean is that there’s a lot you haven’t explained yet, which is fine), and mysterious all at the same time. Keep up the good work ^.^