Talk:Amaranthine/@comment-26432133-20170603161900

SPOILERS

Huh, this is pretty interesting. Let me get the nitpicks out of the way first- while I see what you're going for with the last sentence to each part, it does feel quite repetitious. This is mostly because the name of the chapter is still fresh in the reader's mind towards the end. You could improve this by extending each part and adding more so that the reader gets more lost in the story, and that last sentence at the end just happens. Also, the pace at the beginning of part two felt awkward. I really don't know enough about pacing to determine whether it was too slow or too fast, but I just noticed that.

Other than that, this is really good! I like the idea of a war, and Torrent sounds cool enough. I think you could add mor characterization to her. The lack of such seems to be a side effect of the short chapters. I'd love to see where this story goes, great job so far!!