Talk:If Whitestorm Lived.../@comment-1703139-20120708013311

A very interesting concept...I'd like to see some more of right after the battle... how did Firestar react? Also, the story was prettty fast-paced...slow it down a little, give description and emotion! also, it would help if you made more then one really long paragraph. Start a new paragraph when someone new starts talking or when your old paragraph is simply too long. But this is an interesting concept and I think you could do awesome things with it! :D