Warrior Swears

I wanted to do a funny thing after He Never Saw The Light Of Day, so here it is! This is a warriors version of Wizard Swears by Potter Puppet Pals.--Shaf Girl 03:45, 17 October 2008 (UTC)

(Graypaw and Sandpaw are lying around because it's a hot greeleaf day and there's nothing to do)

Firepaw: Guys! Bluestar told me a list of words that are banned from ThunderClan. I didn't know warriors had swears.

Sandpaw: Of course they do, Firepaw! They're called Warrior Swears.

Graypaw: Oooo, like kittypet fighter!

Firepaw: Really? That's adorable!

Sandpaw: Oh, they're worse than that. Tell us some, Firepaw.

Firepaw: Let's see here. Son of a badger. That's useful.

Sandpaw: Leap and pounce, that's my favorite.

Tigerclaw: (cough) Do my ears detect foul mouthness?

Sandpaw: Oh no, Tigerclaw--

Firepaw: Scourge's milk!

Tigerclaw: Excuse me?!

Sandpaw: Firepaw! (shoves Firepaw with her paw)

Tigerclaw: I refuse to have this crowfood spat in my presence, kittypet. 500,000 hunting duties for you and your friends.

Graypaw: Fox bogies! (everyone looks at him)

Firepaw: Everybody run. Expecto Rogue! (apprentices run away)

Tigerclaw: (sigh) Bird rousers.

(apprentices giggle)

Firepaw: Oh, that was fun. Oh, hi, Ravenpaw.

Ravenpaw: Hello, Firepaw, Sandpaw, Graypaw. What's up, guys?

Graypaw: We're saying starry naughty words like Jiggle the Rats!

Ravenpaw: (gasp) The queens forbid me from saying bad language.

Firepaw: Well, the queens are all bad-breathed dogs.

Ravenpaw: (gasp)

Sandpaw: He doesn't mean it, Ravenpaw. He's just testing out some Warrior Swears.

Firepaw: I mean every word I ever say, ever, because I am Firepaw. (thunder sound effects XD)

Ravenpaw: (begins to walk away) I'm telling Bluestar.

Graypaw: You're such a birch-head!

Ravenpaw: This is against the warrior code!

Firepaw: (stands in his way) I can't let you do this, Ravenpaw.

Ravenpaw: (backs up) Oh, no. No, no. I don't want to swear, no, the queens wouldn't let me swear, no...

Firepaw: (stands in his way again) Are you from ThunderClan or not, Ravenpaw?

Ravenpaw: I am ThunderClan, but, but--

Firepaw: Try it, then! Here's the list. (whispers the list) Say anything.

Ravenpaw: (stammers)

Sandpaw: You can do it, Ravenpaw.

Ravenpaw: (stammers more) Whitestorm's...behind...

Graypaw and Sandpaw: Yay!

Firepaw: You sicken me!

Ravenpaw: But, but, it's on the list--

Firepaw: Whitestorm is ten times the tom you'll ever be, Ravenpaw!

Ravenpaw: (shrinks down)

Firepaw: Leave ThunderClan, Ravenpaw. Never come back.

Ravenpaw: (walks away)

Graypaw and Sandpaw: Yay!

Sandpaw: You're quite the hero today, Firepaw.

Graypaw: Yeah, you're filled with tomish attitude.

Firepaw: Hey, let's go bother someone!

(the apprentices sneak up on Brokenstar)

Brokenstar: Who are you?

Firepaw: Leopard urine!

Brokenstar: What?! You apprentices! If I ever find out who's talking to me, I will tell the leaders and you will go into exile, and I will kill you!

(the apprentices giggle)

Tigerclaw: (comes with Bluestar) There they are.

(the apprentices gasp)

Bluestar: Tigerclaw would like to have a word with you, apprentices.

Sandpaw: Oh, squirrel tails.

Tigerclaw: That is the exact sort of vulgarity that I want you to ravicate from the distinguished camp of ThunderClan. The traditions of the Clan must be upheld and respected, Thunderstar surely--

Firepaw: Kittypet (beep) collar (beep), Tigerclaw!

Tigerclaw: What?!

Firepaw: You floppy-clawed Twoleg botherer! (everyone stares at him)

Graypaw: Smudge's rabies shot.

Tigerclaw: Bluestar, I urge you to exile these monsters.

Bluestar: Oh, Tigerclaw, let them have their fresh-kill.

Tigerclaw: But you're the one that banned the words in the first place!

Bluestar: I don't even remember five heartbeats ago. Why are you sulking?

Tigerclaw: (walks away, grumbling)

Sandpaw: Thank you so much, Bluestar.

Bluestar: Alas, you're welcome.

Firepaw: Bluestar, you're as old as StarClan, right?

Bluestar: Why, yes.

Firepaw: Do you know any super ancient, lost to the ages, archaic, olden times Warrior Swears?

Bluestar: Uh, well, there is one...

Graypaw: I want to hear it!

Bluestar: The StarClan Swear! You must never repeat it to anyone.

Sandpaw: We won't, Bluestar.

Bluestar: Here it is: Your mother is a (beep)ing (beep) crowfood-eating (beep) adder venom (beep)...

(the apprentices look at each other)

Bluestar: ...Twoleg-loving (beep) cow and horse (beep) believing-in-one-Clan (beep) and Erin Hunter (beep) with a fresh-kill pile of (beep) and an old Tribe cave far away where no one can hear you (beep) sun-drown-place (beep) with a fresh-kill pile of (beep) Tom and Jerry (beep) and the fire that destroyed ThunderClan (beep) medicine cat (beep) and a random act of StarClan!

(silence, then...) Graypaw: Woah...

Bluestar: Now you know. You must never, ever repeat it. Okay?

Firepaw: We promise, Bluestar.

(the apprentices are gathered around Ravenpaw) Firepaw, Graypaw, and Sandpaw: Your mother is a (beep)ing (beep) crowfood-eating (beep) adder venom (beep) Twoleg-loving (beep) cow and horse...

The End!