Talk:The Tribe of the Hawks Wing/@comment-24519368-20170417175043/@comment-24519368-20170417175804

''' "Snow That Falls From The Sky! Are you comin'?" Snow looked up from his half eaten crow, his to see his sister- Rain That Brings Water - looking down at me. Rain That Brings Water was a silver tabby she-cat with a white underbelly and chest. As well as white paws. Snow That Falls From The Sky was a plain white tom. '''

There is a mix-up with the tenses. It goes from "looked up from his half eaten crow" to "looking down at me". I don't know if this is a recurring thing but it's best to read over the work and correct this.

"Snow That Falls From Sky, are you comin'?"

'''Snow looked up from his half-eaten crow to see white paws in front of his face. Craning his neck upwards, he spotted his sister, Rain That Brings Water, named after her silver tabby pelt. Rain licked her white chest, which matched her underbelly as well as Snow's fully white pelt.'''