Talk:My Home/@comment-17759525-20170623160401

-commenting contest, tier 1-

(First off, I really like the cover picture you made for Wild.)

Second – how’d you come up with the name Jaliverynn? it sounds so cool o:

The way you set everything up in that first paragraph is pretty nice. It gives kind of a sense of the setting and characters without being overwhelming or anything. Quick grammatical note – “four kits, of one being Cairna” doesn’t really make sense. “four kits, one of which was Cairna” or something along those lines might work better.

Interesting that they think the Clans are disgusting when their own systems appear to be rather similar to the Clans’. I’m also curious as to why Cairna doesn’t seem to have a great relationship with her siblings – hopefully that’ll be explained more later on.

(Is “Aemy” supposed to be “Army”??)

I wonder if she’ll push for switching groups, or if she’ll eventually grow to like the Army. I’m noticing that a lot of these names/titles/behaviors are a lot like human names/titles/behaviors – three cheers for anthropomorphism! Your use of “cattiness” is rather punny, too.

There are a couple more grammatical things here I could nitpick, if you want me to. But overall your writing is pretty solid. The descriptions are good, there’s the beginning of some character development here, and everything is set up nicely. There’s lots of room to build and develop the story in the future. All and all, it’s a great first episode.