Talk:Let It Burn/@comment-17759525-20150816195333

(competition post)

Okay, first, I love this song <33333

SPOILERS

ONE

This is a very interesting premise for a story. What is this mysterious Crater, I wonder, and why does this cat have to work so hard to get prey…? Huh. I did notice on your stories page, though, that you called it post-apocalyptical, so I guess that explains some stuff.

…So, based on the comment about her fear of having her sisters share her fate shows me that this isn’t something that every cat has to go through, which is interesting. The raids, too – what are they, and why do they exist? Gosh, this is mysterious so far! The blatant lack of morality, too… these cats are desperate.

Phoenix seems so lonely in the world. Even having a family, her father’s away and her sisters are young, so she always has to hunt alone… yet she still keeps pushing herself, for the sake of her family, whom she barely seems to see anymore. Interesting…

It seems that Phoenix is almost a mother to her sisters. Where is their actual mother, I wonder…? There’s a lot that hasn’t been explained yet, but that’s to be expected, I guess. (Interesting names, by the way – Gale and Ray.) But at the same time, Gale and Ray seem to understand their sister’s agitation about their situation. They seem so cuteeee <3 What are they doing in a world like this…?

You have very good descriptions about their surroundings when Phoenix is awoken the next day. Fire geysers – they seem dangerous, but they’re a very interesting piece of this landscape all the same. Oh, gosh – they must be so worried about their friend! Heck, I’m worried about him, and I don’t even know who he is yet!!!

…Oh, okay. He’s fine. Good.

They seem to have a pretty tight-knit society here; do they all help protect each other, I wonder…? That seems to be the case. We, as the readers, are being assaulted by a ton of new, unfamiliar names, but they all seem to be interrelated, and everyone seems to care a lot about everyone else.

Wow. That’s a depressing dream. Vivid and detailed and terrifying.

(Random bold words…? A coding failure, I assume.)

Holy crud, what a giant cliffhanger! Hey – it’s their father! Hey – he has food! Hey – everyone’s alright! Hey – the chapter ends!!! Why XDDD Thank goodness for another chapter. This is a brilliant start, though, and I’ve come to love this world already <3 It’s very intriguing, and you’re a very good writer.

TWO

Summons… a new concept. Thank you for your narrative description of what happens during the Summons.

Firefeaver? Is this a disease? Yes, it is. It’s a plague. It’s not surprising that there would be disease in such a world as theirs, I guess, but that doesn’t make it any less disturbing – especially that he says that it’s back, implying that it appeared in their community once before. Huh…

Ohhh, there’s a kit involved! How terrible D: This is terrible… (But it makes for a really good story, don’t get me wrong.)

Interesting flashback. They’ve all had hard lives, haven’t they…?

If everyone’s at the Gathering already, they must all know that it’s serious. The relationships between the group that Phoenix and Elliot are from and all the other groups is kind of intriguing – why would they all seem to hate each other, when really they’re all just struggling to survive…? It’s a lot like a Clan situation, but to a much greater extreme.

What, they’re going to block of the East End? But what will that mean for Phoenix’s father…? How will they even survive, if he can’t get outside to get food???

(I do enjoy Phoenix’s sarcasm, though, especially with all of the danger that they’re facing. “Great. We’re practically best friends.” So she does have a sense of humor…)

Your last paragraph is massive. Is there any way that you could break it up a little…? Paragraphs this big are generally hard to read (especially for people like me, who somehow manage to lose their place every time they blink). If there isn’t a way, then don’t worry about it; it’s just a suggestion.

CLIFFHANGER WHY

END SPOILERS