Talk:Shadows of the Dark/@comment-25630395-20150311084302

( This be a competition post)

SPOILERS

''Prologue. ''

That was one intense prologue! I was really shocked when Nightleap killed Applewhisker. And I wondered who the evil cats were, and the stuff about Goldentail's kits was mysterious.

However, there were some noticeable grammar mistakes with tense, where an entire paragraph was written in present tense. That confused me, but I realize those mistakes happen :D

I was also confused in the beginning of the prologue, because although I didn't excpect it to explain, it was kind of unclear what was going on. Why were they fighting BloodClan, why was Firestar suddenly there, and kind of why Nightleap killed Applewhisker.

''Ch. 1''

Nice introduction! I felt like it painted the kits' lively personalities quite well. But if you wanted to improve it, I suggest adding more descriptions and smoother transitions, because events like the kits ending up in WindClan was really sudden.

Nice job though, you guys! Lots of potential: I'll be watching for more *evil face*

END OF ZE SPOILERS