Funny Warriors Commercials

This is where EVERYONE posts the best, stupidest, funniest Warriors-related commercials of the millenium! This page is open for ANYONE to edit, so make up a stupid commercial and write it here!  HA WK FI RE98  00:39, May 28, 2010 (UTC)

Purr-fect Brownie Pan
Darkstripe walks in. He is wearing overalls and sparkly high heel boots.

Darkstripe: Tired of having awful burnt brownies that stick to your pan? Tired of having to rip them apart to get to the warm chewy soft inside? Well with the Purr-Fect Brownie Pan, that will all disappear!!

Poppydawn: *gasp* REALLY??

Darkstripe: Absolutely! The Purr-Fect Brownie Pan is only $23.99.99.99.99 and a fourth of a cent!

Poppydawn: Only $23.99.99.99.99 and a fourth of a cent!! WOW! *wide eyes in awe*

Darkstripe: Plus shipping and handling. NOW PICK UP THE FREAKIN PHONE AND CALL THE NUMBER BELOW OR WE WILL ROB YOUR HOUSE AND TAKE ALL OF YOUR DANIMALS CRUSH CUPS!!!

Poppydawn: *freaks out and looks on the screen below, types in the number, and orders a brownie pan*

Darkstripe: REMEMBER, WE WILL TAKE YOUR FAVORITE ANGRY PURPLE DOG AND YOUR DANIMALS CRUSH CUP IF YOU DONT CALL!!

Poppydawn: *diles numbers so fast that the phone bursts into flames* Toothpaste and coconuts!! *curses violently at the phone and leaves*

Number that was down below: 1-800-YUR-DUMB Call now!

Amazing Bouncie Paws
Firestar: -pads in- ARE YOU TIRED OF REGULAR PAWS?

Sandstorm: YES!!

Firestar: Well here's BOUNCIE PAWS!!! -puts them on- You can bounce and pad at the same time!

Sandstorm: YAY

Firestar: -puts on bouncie shoes- See these? They make you fall. -falls-

Sandstorm: -frowns-

Firestar: BUT WITH BOUNCIE PAWS...-puts them on and bounces- YOU BOUNCE AND DON'T FALL! JUST CALL 495-232-FAIL to get them!!

Sandstorm: -picks up the phone and calls- I WANT BOUNCIE PAWS

Person: here. -bouncie shoes appears from phone-

Sandstorm: -wears them and falls- WOW, WUT A WASTE

Create-a-Cat
Lionblaze: Hello, everybody! Are you lonely?

Jayfeather: Meh.

Lionblaze: Well, you need a good friend! And I can get you one!

Jayfeather: Meh.

Lionblaze: Cheer up, little guy!

Jayfeather: >_<

Lionblaze: Aww, be happy!

Jayfeather: DON'T. CALL. ME. LITTLE. GUY. *mauls*

Lionblaze: *is maul'd*

Breezepelt: HI! Jayfeather, I'm here to take Lionblaze's place!

Jayfeather: GASP! You're my best friend, Breezepelt!

Breezepelt: When you Create-a-Cat, you get to find the pelt you want, pick the color of stuffing, and give the heart a kiss so your kitty friend has lots of love!

Jayfeather: Sounds like fun! Breezepelt, you aren't my BFF anymore, I need to go Create-a-Cat!

Foxy Clean
Beetlewhisker and Tawnypelt pad in.

Tawnypelt: Tired of having dirty foxes in YOUR territory?

Beetlewhisker: YES!

Tawnypelt: Don't you just want to wash them up and get them sparkly clean??

Beetlewhisker: TOTALLY!

Tawnypelt: Well, with the new Foxy Clean storage packs, that is possible!!

Beetlewhisker: How? *eyes wide*

Tawnypelt: First, stuff that stupid fox into the washing machine. *stuffs fox into washing machine* And then, simply drop one of the Foxy Clean storage packs in, and start it up! *presses START*

Fox: OMGosh! ITS LIKE A CARNIVAL RIDEE!! *screamz*

Tawnypelt: Shut up! Were doing the commecial! *kicks washing machine and turns back to camera*

Beetlewhisker: The fox is SO clean!! *admires*

Tawnypelt: Yes, if you want your fox clean, call 1-800-YUR-FOXY! Call now! *smiles and winks*

Fur Blower!

 * Feathertail and Squirrelpaw walk out

Feathertail: Do you want nice, poofy, dry fur?

Squirrelpaw: YEAH!!!!

Feathertail: While look no more! *produces blow drier* We call this: the Fur Blower!

Squirrelpaw: COOL!

Feathertail: *hands to Squirrelpaw* Here! Try it! *continues tal;king. In background, Squirrelpaw turns on blowdrier, smiles and points it at herself, she gets blown away* This product is perfectly safe! It takes your wet, stinky fur and makes it nice and warm and dry!

Squirrelpaw: *is dizzy from being blown away* So....don't...delay...order yours...today!

Feathertail: It's a squirrelleg value for just 99 rabbits!

Squirrelpaw: Get yours today!

Together: At: 555-555-555-555-555 FURDRIER !

IDK.-- Goth Monkey Piece by piece I lost my sainity to the penguins. 21:25, May 30, 2010 (UTC)

The IPod Cat
Random deep voiced announcer: First the IPod. Then the IPod nano. Then the IPod touch... And now, The IPod Cat! It comes in three sick nasty colors!

Fire Hot red tabby! Icy blue She-cat, and White Tortoiseshell tom!

Lionblaze: (Walks infront of camera)

Random deep voiced announcer: Hey, you!

Lionblaze: Yesh?

Random deep voiced announcer: The IPod Cat is only $2342.48!

Lionblaze: OH. MY. STARCLAN!

Random deep voiced announcer: And it holds 4 1/5 songs!

Lionblaze: *Ish Surprised*

Random deep voiced announcer: Let's hear some reviews from our satisfied customers!

Brambleclaw: The IPod Cat ruined my life... *Sniffs* WHY WOULD YOU PEOPLE MAKE SUCH A THING?!?! WHY WOULD YOU...

Random deep voiced announcer: Let's go to another review, heh...

Squirrelflight: The IPod Cat stinks.

Foxleap: (In Straight Jacket) I loved it!!!!

Squirrelflight: Can it you! *Mauls*

Foxleap: Gah!

Random deep voiced announcer: Uh, heh. Well, you heard them! Buy yours today! Just call 481-516-2342!

Lionblaze: You cheapskate! Selling cats for profit! *Mauls Random deep voiced announcer*

Random deep voiced announcer: (Cannot be heard over intense screams of pain and mauling)

Found a vid on YouTube called "The IPod Human" And spoofed it here. (I hid four LOST references. I'm such a geek.)

-- Warrior catZ1324   Post Tenebras Lux  21:09, June 2, 2010 (UTC)

Star Bags!
Mistystar- Are you sick of your pelts always getting cramped up in your den?

Reedwhisker- Yeah!

Mistystar- Well try Star bags! Just put in your pelts *stuffs another pelt in bag* Suck out the air with your mouth! *sucks out the air* And there!

Reedwhisker- *takes the bag* Wow! *pours water all over it and takes out pelt* Cool it's still dry! *pelt is soaking wet*

Mistystar- And it even holds heavy winter pelts! *stuffs in her fluffy winter pelts and bag explodes* See! It still holds it!

Reedwhisker- I can't wait to try them!

Mistystar- Just call 1-800-This-Lame!

Reedwhisker- Awesome! *calls*

Mistystar- Sorry, we don't have any more Star Bags.

Reedwhisker- *gasps*

Mistystar- We only have these things called Space Bags, pfft, wrong shipment.

Wetstream Let Me Win But If I Do Not Win Let Me Be Brave In The Attempt

Debbie Hawkfrost Green Bags!
Hawkfrost: *tries to sound dramatic* Ew, look at these rotten fruits and vegetables! *holds nice looking fruits up* Oops, wrong fruit.. *holds up rotten ones* Don't you want them to look better?

Whitewater: YES!! OH. MY. STARCLAN! YES YES!

Hawkfrost: *pulls out a plastic Ziploc baggie* Then put them in here! *shoves fruit in bag* And let them stay there for a couple of days until they look worse *cough* I mean better!

Whitewater: *grabs chair and sits by the bag, looking intently at it for the next four days*

Hawkfrost: *pulls them out* Now look at them! They are more disgusting *cough* Cleaner than ever!

Whitewater: *dies from the smell*

Hawkfrost: Erm..they're supposed to do that..I think...

Lionheart: *walks in and dies from the smell*

Hawkfrost: Dangit.. *mutter mutter* Well anyway, if you want better looking fruits, then call now!!!

Birds fall from the sky after they die from the smell.

The cameraman dies and the camera tips over, ending the commercial.

Hawkfrost: Director! I never got to finish my commercial! *furious*

The Director is dead, too.

Spongebob: *walks in and talks SUPER fast* Call 123-456-7890! I repeat 123-456-7890! It is twenty dollars and a fifth of a cent. No shipping and handling is required. Please don't give these to your kids. Call now!

KittyClone!
Lionblaze: Hi, everyone, do you hate battles? Well, I don't, and if you do I should maul you... but, for the sake of the commercial, DO YOU HATE BATTLES?

Graystripe: Yeah!

Lionblaze: WOULD YOU RATHER SIT AROUND CAMP AND STEAL FRESH-KILL?

Graystripe: YEAH! Why are we yelling?

Lionblaze: Then get the KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face* today!

Graysripe: What does it do?

Lionblaze: The KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face* clones you. You can tell it to eat it's dirt, fight battles for you, kill Ashfur, Hollyleaf, or Firestar, and fight battles for you.

Graystripe: That sounds awesome!

Lionblaze: I know! And while your CLONE! *puts on fake happy face* does whatever you want it to, you can sit around camp and steal fresh-kill! Then you can grow plump, and a desperate ThunderClan can sacrifice you to get food for the winter.

Graystripe: O.o I want the KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face*

Lionblaze: *shoves one in his face* There. DON'T TALK TO ME, YOU BATTLE-HATER!

Graystipe: *runs to the KittyClone! and Clones! himself*

Graystipe 2: Hi, Lionblaze!

Graystipe: Graystripe, I want you to kill Firestar.

Lionblaze: *cheers*

Graystripe: I'm tired of him stealing my spotlight!

Firestar: *steals Graystripe's spotlight*

Graystripe 2: *murders Firestar*

Graystripe: Yay!

Graystripe 2: Hey, you look like Firestar. *murders Lionblaze*

Graystripe: Murder Brambleclaw now.

Graystripe 2: OVERLOADOVERLOADOVERLOAD *poof*

Graystripe: *steals some fresh-kill* Get the KITTYCLONE! *puts on fake happy face* today!

Whitecough Medicine
Tigerstar and Darkstripe pad in.

Tigerstar: Are you tired of suffering from whitecough?

Darkstripe (Sneezes.) Yes.

Tigerstar: Then buy the whitecough medicine! (Holds a pill in his hand.)

Darkstripe: (Takes pill and feels all better.) Wow, it really works!

Tigerstar: Of course it does. And you can have it for only $49.99! Plus 999,999,999.00 shipping and handling. And we will through in a second pill with your order, free. Just pay double shiping and handling. It can all be yours, if you cal: 111-1111. That's 111-1111. Remember, thats 111-1111.

Darkstripe: (Really fast.) We are not responsible for, depression, hair loss, heart attacks, strokes, or death.

Darkstripe: (Dies.)

Snake Crisps!
Poppyfrost and Honeyfern walk in. Rainstorm is there speaking.

Rainstorm: Are you tired of boring old mice, chewy birds, watery water voles, and hairy squirrels?

Poppyfrost and Honeyfern: YES!

Rainstorm: Then you'll love Snake Crisps! They are juicy, crunchy potato chips with a hearty flavoring of snake!

Honeyfern: *Dies for the second time*

Poppyfrost: *Ignores* Where can I buy these 'Snake Crisps'?

Rainstorm: Just call 1800-999-911! Only 19 squirrels and a mouse! Plus 200 voles for shipping and handling.

Poppyfrost: *dials phone and walks away*

Rainstorm: We are not responsible for: Poisonings, Whitecough or Death.

Amber Rain quickly turns into Typhoon...  'HK, the land of the typhoon... 09:32, February 15, 2011 (UTC)

ShamPOW
Tigerstar: Are you tired of all the hard work it takes to clean up your enemy's blood? Well worry no more! The ShamPOW is the perfect product for you!

Poppyfrost: Really, how perfect?

Tigerstar: Well, it also works on water, milk, and medicine!

Firestar: Wow this seems great! *Looks directly at camera* Where can I find one?

Tigerstar: Well just call 555-555-555! It's that easy! 555-555-555! Operators are always on the line waiting for your call!

--Scene cuts to Hawkfrost, Thisleclaw and Darkstipe in front of telephones answering calls and writing down notes--

Graystripe: This great product and customer service for only 19.95! That's right, just 19.95! So call now!!

--Scence cuts to deep voice--

You must be 12 moons or older to order. CALL NOW!

-- Shinestar Ohhh! Shiney! 06:49, February 26, 2011 (UTC)

Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE!
Jayfeather: Are you tired of being unable to locate your secret cookie stash?

Dovewing: *nods*

Jayfeather: Then worry no more! With the Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE you will never lose your cookies!

Dovewing: Yay!!!

Jayfeather: The Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE locates all cookies within a mouse-length of you, as well as having a handy drink holder! *Shows Dovewing drink holder*

Dovewing: *Fake jaw drop* O.M.GEE! That is soooo cool! Feathertail, come see this!

(Feathertail walks in)

Feathertail: That is amazing! I never got that awesome range from Cookiefinders of competing brands.

Jayfeather: There's a living, breathing example- well, dead but anyway- for you! Call 1800-CRAPPY to collect yours! And if you call in the next five minutes, we'll give you a free metal cookie!

(Blank screen with falling apart cookie with star behind it appears)

(Screen flashes back to Jayfeather)

Jayfeather: Get your Cookiefinder EXTREEEMMEE today!

A fast voice mumbles: Warning-ctualCookiefinderEXTREEEMMEEmaynotwork.batteriesnotincluded.healthinsurancedoesnotcovercostofinjuriesguaranteedfromthisproduct.

I love the dawn's  shimmering light  22:32, July 11, 2011 (UTC)

The 'KillLionblaze 3 Thousand' !!
Announcer: Aren't you tired of watching Lionblaze kill all of your Clanmates without him having even a scratch?

Russetfur: Yeah....

Announcer: Well, not anymore with the 'KillLionblaze 3 Thousand' !!!

Russetfur: how does it work?

Announcer: Well first, you try to assemble your KL 3 Thousand by looking at meaningless instructions that never make sense.

Russetfur: *reads manual* GAH!! *gets frustrated and shoots book with gun*

Announcer: Second, turn on the KL 3 Thousand and watch it malfunction.

Russetfur: So...when do I get to kill the rascal?

Announcer: Whoa! Slow down! We have to figure out what's wrong with the machine! *inspects the KL* Okay I see the problem, it's stupid.

Russetfur (mutters): Like you?

Announcer (says with smile): I heard that! :) :) Okay and third and lastly, sic the KL 3 Thousand on the infamous Lionblaze and watch with fury as he tears it apart.

Russetfur: What, you're telling me that this thing doesn't work?

Announcer: Nothing works, sweetheart. As our job as announcers is to be totally annoying and lie about our stupid, meaningless products!

Russetfur: Don't. Call. Me. Sweetheart. RAWR! *mauls announcer*


 * Lionblaze comes in*

Lionblaze: Okay, If you buy this stupid piece of crap that doesn't kill me, you get a bonus item that still costs money even thought we say it's free. With only the price of 3000000 mice with the monthly price of 400000 voles, you can get this fail of a product!


 * Cloudtail comes in and does fast-talking*

Cloudtail: Wearenotresponisbleofyougettinghurtordyingfromthe'killlionblaze3thousand'.thoughweareresponsibleifthisproductsucks.norefunds.

Hehe... -- 21:13, July 8, 2011 (UTC)

The Strike-Slice!

 * Mousewhisker enters a random clan-esque kitchen*

Mousewhisker: Hello! It's MOUSEWHISKER with the STRIKE-SLICE! You're gonna feel GRRRRR-EAT all day because you'll be slicing your problems away with the strike-slice!

Daisy: MOUSEWHISKER! Be careful with that!

Mousewhisker: ....*cough* See, check this right? It's a vole! You just *strike* and you've got chunks for you, two strikes and you've got some for your friends, and look! Add a mouse and....*strike* the more you strike, the better it gets! Feeds the kitties in no time!

Daisy: Are you listening to me? Be careful!

Mousewhisker: I AM, MOM. Now see this? This is what I call a nice, juicy rabbit. But I'm sure you must hate pulling the meat out to eat, it's torture right? WRONG. With my patented Strike-Slice, just slice your troubles away!

Mousewhisker: Now, there are MAAANY different ways to use the Strike-Slice!


 * Use it with your friends!*

Hazeltail: Mousewhisker, this is awesome!

Mousewhisker: Yeah~!


 * Use it on your enemies!*

Emberfoot: BORDER TRESPASSER! *lunges at Mousewhisker*

...

Emberfoot: HELP HE'S ARMED! GET AWAY FROM ME!

Mousewhisker: Haha! No chance, you fox-dung! *strike-slice*

-

Mousewhisker: So buy your very own Strike-Slice today! Call the number below: 555-You're-Gonna-Love-My-Mice or visit your local pet store! BUT WAIT! There's more?

Emberfoot: ....Huh?

Mousewhisker: Buy your Strike-Slice within the next hour and you'll get a complimentary.....ROOT-RUBBER! See, watch this! You just put your rotts here, right, and then you twist and...BAM! You can put these roots on your older kits food and they won't even notice as they get even healthier!

Poppyfrost: How much for these wonderful items?

Mousewhisker: I'm glad you asked! You can grab your Strike-Slice and your complimentary Root-rubber for the low low price of......19.95 kits plus shipping and handling!

Molekit: *in an awkwardly low, manly voice* ShippingandhandlingdependsontheareainwhichyouliveforWindClanitisonly6kitsbutRiverClanowes14kitsandShadowClanowes21kitsbecausetheyaretheenemiesofus.

Mousewhisker: That's right, nephew! Now order your Strike-Slice right away, and get to giving me those kits!

Molekit: Warning: We do not protect against disembodiement, death, your mate leaving you, your kits safety or Mousewhisker's reliability.

Fawngaze

Bring to life 50000000000

Bluestar: Are you tried of randomly walking around a forest making useless threats on living cats

Brokenstar, and Mapleshade: Yes!

Bluestar: Well today is your lucky day, with the bring to life 5000000000 you can come back to life and actually do something about alive cats.

Mapleshade: How much?

Bluestar: It costs only 50000000 mice. But if you order now it will cost you 5000000000000000000 mice

Brokenstar: I need to order now to get the deal!

Bluestar: the number to call is 1800-this is actually a machine to get rid of the dark forest cats. That number again is 1800-this is actually a machine to get rid of the dark forest cats

The amazing kit transporter
Crookedstar: For all camps who call there are now kit transporters!

Cherrykit: what do they do?

Crookedstar: All territories who call will have kit transporters around their territory. There is one in camp that only you can transport to for when you are out of camp and you need to get in. The ones outside the camp you go in to go around your territory. You can also use the ones outside to get back in unseen.

Cherrykit: WoW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crookedstar: the number is 1800-678-5675 there is one catch though

Cherrykit: Ya?

Crookedstar: The transporter inside camp will only let you in if you use a transporter back in if you are a kit. The transporter inside the camp is in Firestar's den where we will install a alarm system for kits that go through the transporter. That number is 1800-567-2856

Cherrykit:I need one!

Kit-Killer 6000
Brackenfur: Are you tired of those pesky kits always at your paws? Are you sick of those annoying kits always bothering you? Well, now, we have a solution! The brand new Kit-Killer 6000!

Sorreltail: Brackenfur! Can you come and take Lilykit and Seedkit for a walk?

Brackenfur: See what I mean? *To Sorreltail* I'll be right there dear! While I'm gone, here's one of our satisfied customers.


 * Changes to Ashfoot*

Ashfoot: This thing really works. Got rid of my son Eaglekit just like that! *snaps* I love this. It got rid of my other kits, too! Too bad it didn't work on Crowfeather.....


 * Changes back to Brackenfur*

Brackenfur: Using amazing kit-killing technology, it uses hundreds of methods to kill those irritating kittens. To purchase one, call 1-800-WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR BANISHMENT FROM YOUR CLAN. That number again is 1-800- WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR BANISHMENT FROM YOUR CLAN.


 * Sorreltail, Lilykit, and Rosekit come in*

Sorreltail: Brackenfur, what are you doing?

Brackenfur: Um.....nothing.

Sorreltail: What is that thing you are hiding?

Brackenfur: Nothing.

Sorreltail: The "Kit-Killer 6000"?!?

Brackenfur: ..........Call in now, and you get a free Brackenfur!

hehehe BTA~Imma Admin, So Don&#39;t Tick Me Off! 22:01, December 6, 2011 (UTC)