Talk:If Squirrelflight Stayed With Ashfur/@comment-5277627-20131129232210

This is a really great idea, and I like where you went with this! It's a very unique plot, featuring a shipping I never would've dreamed of (BrambleXLeaf).

I'm Tangle, the user who edited your story. In this story, you put a lot of full stops in place of commas, and you should have used a new line for when a new character was speaking. Here's an example of what I mean: (this has nothing to do with the story, it's just an example.)

''"Hello, Ashfur!" Squirrelflight called.''

''"Hi, Squirrelflight!" Ashfur replied.''

Having a new line when someone is speaking makes the story much easier to read.

One thing I will say is that I think it's unrealistic that Graystripe, a veteran warrior with countless moons of experience, would suddenly give that up to become a Medicine Cat, but that's just my opinion.

Otherwise, good work!