Talk:Fallenstar's Reign: Part 1/@comment-25531638-20130719050058

Ooh you live in California too x3

I like this, especially the start. It's so capturing how you made everything all gushy and cheerful, then suddenly darkened it with talk of war. But maybe... maybe just make it a little less cheerful? It seemed a bit fake towards the start.

But so far, I like :). Especially Shadestream. She seems like a cool charrie.

There's just one more thing I'd recommend. If you're going to divide the story into three parts, then at the end of each part, you should probably make something unusual happen and end with a cliffhanger so people will read the next one.