Talk:Flicker/@comment-25926899-20151010221415

one (spoilers)

really original and interesting plot so far & lux is such a cool name. the setting is something i'd like to know more about for sure. what's this "fire range"?? am i going to learn more about what it looks like, what caused it, etc. as i read on??

i have two complaints about this story and they are:

1. there's a bit of repetition in the first few paragraphs, using the same word in a short time and its awkward to read.

2. the scene between lux and leo was something i felt should tug at my heart but it didn't really feel emotional at all. if maybe she mentioned leo earlier and we could begin to get a feel for his character through her eyes before he uh stabbed her in the back, i would probably have felt worse for her.

lastly, i caught what i believe is grammatically incorrect but perhaps just sounds awkward to me, but "maybe you should have acted differently rather than steal from others" i feel should have been read as "maybe you should ahve acted differently rather than stolen from others."

anyway, it's off to a good start and i know you finished it already but i'm only reading the start rn so.

looking forward to reading more! (but first, must read beauty, yes?)