Talk:Inside The Mind/@comment-5488450-20130908162300

SPOILERS

THIS IDEA IS FANTASTIC LETS START WITH THAT. Seriously, though, traveling inside the mind, to the past and all of that was just incredible and wow, another great invention from the mastermind behind the whole BBB[big brother boom].

There is something that bothers me here, as always does when time travel is mentioned. He's going back into the past, but wouldn't that alter the future or something? I mean, Sparrowflight would probably be coming to the medicine vcat every now and thn saying 'I remember when you went to the past to talk to my younger self'. Idk, I think it's really important to be careful with that kind of stuff; elsewise it just kind of ruins a lot of the logic[not that time traveling is logical or anything but]

The kits are adorable though, I love how they are coming along<3 Traveling through the mind sounds exciting but at some points it was cinfusing. Like was the fire in the forest in the past, or was it inside Sparrowflight's mind?

The only other thing I can think of suggesting might be some more details and longer sentences. Short sentences quickly bore the reader[not that this was boring in the slughtest bit] and if you just combine sentences with a comma it looks so much more professional it's startling!

But elsewise I love this and you should totally finish it-I think it's one of your best ideas :)

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