Talk:Forever Flames/@comment-5197876-20140701204836

SPOILERS

I'm here to judge for Holly's contest.

First off, the tribe idea is rather nice. I felt immersed in this, rather than the Clans. But I have to say, I spent a lot of the story very confused.

I never really knew who the main character was, and it kind of bothered me. Plus the other random 'other tribe' I think they were, left me trying to figure this out.

There were some really touching moments in this story, and I really liked Shatter. Personally, he felt the most real of the characters, and he was really sweet.

I felt that there was no love between Pheonix and Infinite, and so it bugged me when she was suddenly all for him. To be honest, I felt she only had a real connection with Flame.

One more thing, the tildes were uneccesary, along with the use of "Hai" and "Pheonix-chan." That took away from the story, honestly.

Couple errors here and there, but all in all, it was a good story.

Your score is 15/20

END SPOILERS