Talk:We Are Young (Songfic)/@comment-16827713-20130326162745

YAAY! Judging time. I'm gonna be nice, don't worry. But fair. Not nasty.

ANYWAY

I think that the song fits in well with the story, buy like Red, I don't like it very much. I'm not going to mark you down on that, don't worry.

Okay:The actual content. Like Red, I was very confuzzled when Nightypaw said he was Tigerstar's curse. Because Pinefur is no relation to Tigerstar..? Not that I know of. Spelling was fine (I'm British too, so to me there were no mistakes. I found a few faults with the story: why were Lillypaw and Nightpaw so cruel to Lightpaw? It was her decision to becme mates with someone else, but then to be mean to them? I guess that's realistic, bit I found that a little confuzzling.

You never explained why Nightpaw's birth was a curse. Why does his mother despise him? There were a few unanswered questions here. And Lillypaw was a loner? I know a songfic has to be short. but us readers are clueless on her background. Where did she come from? When did they meet?

Overall though, the launguage used was good and I liked the way your sentences are smooth and fluid. I love your choises of similies and metaphors, nice and vivid. (Great, I sound like my english teacher X

Score: A reasonable 7. I enjoyed your songfic very much Lilly, well done :D