Talk:Horizons/@comment-10700348-20131109211507

Hai! This is a great story so far, but I recommend a few things.

First, when someone else begins speaking, start on a new line. For example...

"I like pie," said Xmus Jackson Flaxon Waxon. "I like pie too," agreed X-Wing @Aliciousness. "You like pie, but I love pie!" Hingle McCringleberry shouted. "I love it more than you do though!" L'Carpetron Dookmarriot argued.

It would go something like this.......

"I like pie," said Xmus Jackson Flaxon Waxon.

"I like pie too," agreed X-Wing @Aliciousness.

"You like pie, but I love pie!" Hingle McCringleberry shouted.

"I love it more than you do though!" L'Carpetron Dookmarriot argued.

It's a lot easier to tell who's talking when you space it out. But otherwise, that was really the only mistake I found, besides the need of more paragraphs than one huge one. If you ever need help, you can ask me.

Good job though:)