User blog comment:SmudgyHollz/Loss/@comment-24766822-20170424033017

Reading this had some personal effect on me.

My grandfather died only last year, in a near identical situation which you've described. For the time following, and still now occasionally, I'll refer to my Grandma with his name as well. I was just so used to saying their names together: "Oh, when are Grandma and Grandpa coming to visit?" Or other phrases of the sort, just an example. And then... he just wasn't there, suddenly. It was like a void that I wasn't sure how to fill. It took a long, long time for the truth to sink in, despite it not being unexpected. I'd been receiving calls from my Grandma almost daily about my Grandpa's state, and I knew what it would lead up to. It was a waiting game.

It ended with him in a hospital bed, with life support ultimately removed. He died in his sleep, leaving behind four children (my mom, my two aunts, and my uncle) five grandchildren (myself included) a loving, loyal dog and so many other people, many of which I don't even know personally. He left a gap in the train community and the clown community (in which he would preform with my Grandma, making balloon animals and delighting the children of their city.) He was a beloved crossing guard who would often assist at the nearby school, who mourned the loss as well.

I'm getting emotional just writing this...

His sense of humor was infallible. He guided me into a life of kindness, forgiveness, positivity, and cute dogs. (It's true!) He could find the good in anything, and encouraged me to keep an open mind. He may have spoiled me a little bit too, I'll admit. I love him so much, and now I know that he's in a place free of sickness and guilt.

I just wanted to say more than the automatic "I'm sorry." I'm not saying that it isn't sincere, for it usually is. I wanted to say more than just that, though. I wanted you to know that you have my true empathy, and that I honestly, truly feel for you.

Life will go on, and I think both our Grandfathers would want us to keep moving forward. Grief comes in waves, that is a fact of life, and it's often like a sledgehammer. I know. But you can get through this. <3 <3 <3

And, while I haven't had the most experience with having a significant other, I will tell you this: A little while back, I was in my bed, crying. I'd been contemplating my life, and it had just hit me how lonely I am. Even now, I really have no close friends, no one to confide in, and I didn't then, either. My mom came in and laid beside me, and told me a story. It was a story of a beautiful white fox, who was shunned by all the other foxes because of her white fur. They thought she was strange, and didn't even take the time to understand her. One day, the fox decided to go on a journey, meeting several odd creatures along the way, whom she befriended. At the end of that journey, she met another beautiful fox, who became a very special friend, and later something more. The beautiful fox loved and understood the white fox better than anyone, and vice versa.

(Yes, I'm a lesbian, lol.)

Someday you will find your handsome fox, Smudgy. He's still out there somewhere, and you will find him, I promise. <3 <3

Wow, that was long... okay, I should probably stop now. :) *Hugs* You've got it, Smudgy. Life's going to get a lot better, and try to stay as positive as you can. <3 :)