Talk:Redpelt's Tragedy/@comment-5488450-20130729203933

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SPOILERS

Wow, this is really good, especially considering that this is one of your first fanfictions! Your prologue was really cool and you did a good job of making your story tense. I liked the charachters and RedXLightning seems so very cute<333 The battle should be exciting and I like all the sweet little scenes you included :3

A few things I recommend:

-Use a heading before for your 'Chapter _'s and stuff! That way it's easier to tell where your new chapters and stuff begin!

-There were a few uncapitilized words that needed to be capitilized and typos. I recommend taking this through word before publishing it so it can spot spelling/grammar mistakes.

-Make your sentences longer. A few long sentences is better than a dozen short ones. It makes your writing seem so much more professional and connecting sentences really isn't that hard to do!

-Add some more detail! I'd like to know more about their surrondings, actions, appreances, conditions, and emotions. Going further in depth adds a whole new demension to your story and it could improve your story so much!

This is really cool, though, I hope you continiue to write it :)

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