User blog:Artimas Hunter/The Vision: Good Short Story?

OK, so yes, I fdo write A LOT other then warriors fanfics. In languge arts, we are making short stories to make a poacket. One of the title prompts was 'The Vision'. I wrote this. I was wondering if it was good or not because it's the favorite one I've writen. EXTREMELY sad and very dramatic. Thanks guys! I'd be SO happy if yu read and commented for me.-- Arti Look Wetty! It's Not Pink!! 23:13, May 23, 2010 (UTC)

The Vision

He sat in his room looking at her picture. She had died in a car crash a week ago. The other driver was drunk. He’d had one of those SUVs that crushes everything in its path. She had no chance. She was just 19. He had loved her with every bit of his heart and soul. She had been driving to meet him so he could propose to her. Her death had torn him apart. He had tried to commit suicide three times so he could meet her in Heaven. He could tell someone was watching him. He hoped it wasn’t his parents, they’d tried to help too much. He turned. It was her. Pale and perfect, a ghost, she looked at him with her head tilted at an angle. She wore one of her simple, yet prettiest dresses. She smiled. His heart raced as he ran to her. “It’s you! It’s you!” he cried in excitement, tears of joy running down his face. She looked excited. He tried to hug her but his arms passed right through her. He tried again and again but it was to no avail. Each time she disappeared for a moment and then reappeared. He tried not to let it show how much the fact he couldn’t hold her in his arms troubled him. Finally, he sat on his bed and looked at her. “I miss you! Oh, I love you so much!” He would have continued, but he wasn’t sure how long this vision of his love, this ghost would stay on Earth. He watched her with eager eyes, waiting for her to pledge her love for him, but he was still waiting after five minutes. “Well?” tears welled in his eyes. Now that he looked closer at her, he could see more of her appearance. She bore faint injuries from the crash, they were a darker blue then the rest of her. He tried not to focus on them. He could see her mouth moving but no words came out, he heard nothing. She was crying. “I love you! I LOVE YOU!” he screamed. Her mouth was moving and he could see the words she was trying to say. But he needed to hear them, feel them, let them wrap him up. The clock struck midnight and she slowly, very slowly started to fade. He cried and so did she. Her mouth still formed the words. I love you. He crumpled to the floor sobbing as the vision faded away. The gold wedding band he had planned to give her pressed against his chest as if trying to make the hole in his heart bigger.