Talk:Permanent/@comment-8248793-20130908020103

For da book club thing. This comment is for Written in Ink only.

SPOILER ALERT

Pebblepaw's death was a tragic and moving part of the story. It made the story lurch in an unexpected direction. I felt my heart break as Pebblepaw died, I felt the guilt of Redpaw's flow into my heart. Your descriptions, and the way you expressed the characters feelings was very well. I could feel them all myself.

When Redpaw went to the Fire Divison, I felt a little of my heart break. For her, it must have been a hard decision. The way you made her seem so torn, almost made me feel the same way. This was like the first part, where the emotions were so clear, so described, that I felt them as well.

I like how you made Graypaw. A scrawny, loving character. Yet so weak, but devoted. It's like most of us in real life. Though maybe you should have made her less bouncy. It didn't really fit her personality.

I found no mistakes, though Firestar's death was not as moving. We didn't have much of Firestar, other than the (Clan)/Division loved him. For me, or us, it was a single death that changed the story, but no feelings for it.

Other than that, it was a great part of the story, and of course I read the rest of Permanent anyways :3 <3 this and you,

END OF SPOILER ALERT