Talk:Even So/@comment-25630395-20150831141549

competition post

. :D

I'm commenting on every ten themes.

INTRODUCTION

Whoa, whoa. That introduction was amazing. Even though nothing 'happened', I love how you introduced Lash, setting the mood for the entire story. We get a glimpse of her personality, which I take to be hardy and tough, at least from the introduction. I am so curious about the world you've created!

COMPLICATED

I HATE THE OVERSEER HE IS A MEANIE AND HE SHOULD DIE >:|

I really love Lash now, even at just the second chapter. The introduction of Faith was sweet, and it wasn't stereotypical 'bad world where all light is vanquished'. I love Lash because I can sense she lives a tough life, but she still has the ability to care for others.

And gah, this is fabulous. We can sense that the world is dystopian-like, and that this idiotic cat called the overseer is ruling over them. I hate his guts. SO much.

And I don't know if you intended this, but complicated really makes sense to me due to how Lash had all these regulations on how to behave around the overseer.

MAKING HISTORY

So Lash is a leader. I get this kind of Brokenstar like feeling from this story, mostly because of the ages of the kits, and how Lash wants to protect them. She's awesome :D

The suspense buildup is pretty subtle but effective. I am curious to see what they'll find, and I hope they don't run into any trouble D:

RIVALRY

Nothing much happened here, but I sense something building up between Bear and Lash? I get the feeling they never liked each other and if given the oppurtunity, would not hestitate to get rid of the others.

He better not touch Lash, or else.

UNBREAKABLE

I loved this chapter. Your imagery of the place was pretty powerful, and I love how you incorporated the theme 'unbreakable'. Lash's words to Embers were actually inspiring to me, and I can see the cats i in her group look up to her.

That was sooo intense, holy cow. I wasn't sure whether they would drown or not, and I feel some sort of 'pride' in those cats when the silver cat saved them. I can really understand their bonds and almost feel them, you write so well <3

OBSESSION

Oh no, not Gingersnap. I hate this overseer. A lot. Like, a lot a lot.

The kinship and bond between these cats seems so powerful, and it's like they have this routine but that have each other, so it's not that tedious.

That comparison between Gingersnap and overseerpoop was effective, because we all know the contrast, but pointing it out just brings a lot of vitality into the confrontation.

ETERNITY

WHAT DID THAT PILE OF HAREDUNG DO TO GINGERSNAP DDDDDD:<

So the overseer can turn cats into mindless lumps of nothing? Did he torture Gingersnap or something?

Is Ember hinting that he likes Lash? Because that would be sweet, but I support Lash/Gingersnap :D

That conversation brought out a lot about Lash. I love your characterization. The thing is, you have a lot of characters, so it gets kind of confusing. But I see you made a character guide/allegiance type thing, so that helps c:

GATEWAY

So we have the 'wolf pack' thing here? I find it interesting how it's usually portrayed in a negative light, and in this case, it adds more to Lash's world.

Four thousand cats? That's a lot.

DEATH

I'll admit, I was a bit confused during this chapter. The part with Harvery didn't seem to make any sense to me or be necessary. Explain...?

And the Bear thing happened quite suddenly, in my opinion, so I needed to reread a bit in order to get it. That could have just been me though, and Lash's thought about twelve-moon cats dying was a little random because I didn't quite understand what she was talking about. But this was a pretty horrifying chapter (not in writing, Blade, but in the stuff that happened :P). What sick cats go attack another like that?

OPPURUNITIES

OH now I get it, they were all watching! I get it now :D

Aw, poor innocent, little Faith. I can kind of understand why Lash feel so betrayed bc she basically spent her life trying to protect her hunters, and then they go participate in such an awful activity.

The emotion is really strong in this story, and just the characters and everything. The suspense seems to be creeping up now, I wonder what plan Lash has...?

ENDSPOILERS

I shall be back for more c: