A new Crow x Leaf theory

"You promise you won't tell a soul?" Leafpool begged. I looked at the pathetic bundles of fur and then looked back at Leafpool.

"How can I lie to Brambleclaw? I can't lose him again. He wouldn't tell, I know he wouldn't." I tried to make her understand, but saw mistrust flare in her eyes when I said my mate's name. I suddenly felt furious with my sister.

"Right, so you run off with some Windclan tom, have his kits, and expect me to lie to every cat I've ever known and loved so you won't be in trouble?" I hissed.

"You're already pregnant. It doesn't matter if there's just a few more. No cat will ever know. Please?" she begged, her eyes penetrating mine.

"Leafpool, can't Crowfeather give them to some queen? Pretend he just found them somewhere?"

"How can I let my kits go?" she stared at me with such pain in her eyes that I had to give in.

"If I get caught, it's your fault." I sighed, and began to pad home with the three kits. Leafpool shot me a look of such gratitude and love that I considered that maybe, just maybe, I had done the right thing.

"Come on, then." I beckoned for her to come, but her eyes flickered over in the direction of Windclan territory.

"No! No way." I stopped in my tracks. This had gone on far too long. Why couldn't Leafpool understand that they just couldn't be together? If she didn't remember herself soon then she might become as bad as Ashfur and forget herself completely.

"Just to say goodbye." she pleaded. I stalked off, furious. I could hear my sister calling for me to stop but I didn't. My swollen belly hurt like crazy but I didn't stop till Leafpool was out of sight.

And then I realized my mistake.

I was about to have kits, and there was no medicine cat there to help me.

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I gazed at my offspring fondly. They were all so beautiful, so unique. So special. My head spinning, I was barely able to count three- two toms and one she-cat.

Starclan help me, I thought. ''Six kits to care for. What will I do?''

Six kits to raise and teach the ways of the wariror code.

Six kits.

"Oh, Brambleclaw. What are we going to do?" I muttered, and staggered across the grass to check on Leafpool's kits. I could see a dark grey tom that resembled his father so much that it almost scared it. We would have trouble pretending that he wasn't related to Crowfeather. The other two were less obviously their parent's kits. A black tom and a tortoiseshell she-cat. Stress and pain making my head swim, I made my way over to my own kits. I looked at my own sleeping kits one last time before looking back at Leafpool's sleeping offspring.

And then my heart froze.

Those kits were not sleeping at all.

They had not survived the cold without a mother.

They were dead.

My heart burned with guilt. I was a murderer! I'd killed my own kin. If only I'd stayed with Leafpool then they'd be safe and sound, snuggled up next to my own three. But they had become Starclan warriors already. Why did I have to go off in a strop like a spoilt kit? Leafpool could have saved them. This was all my fault.

I wanted to die.

"Squirrelflight?"

I wanted to die.

"Squirrelflight, are you okay?"

Oh, Starclan, let me die.

"Squirrelflight, what's wrong?"

I wanted to die.

Leafpool raced up to the spot where I had collapsed. Her eyes were full of concern but soon they would be burning with hate.

"What happened?" she whispered. I opened my mouth to tell her, but I couldn't.

"Your kits are safe, Leafpool. But mine were stillborn. There they are, there." I pointed to the dark grey tom and his siblings. They were, of course, hers. But I was too afraid to admit it.

"Oh, Squirrelflight." her voice was thick with emotion.

"There are your kits." I gestured to my own kits, my heart thudding. Tigerstar was probably mewing his approval down in the Place Of No Stars. I'd acted just like him. A mixture between selfishness and deception, I was worthy of becoming a Dark forest warrior.

"I'll call them Hollykit. And Lionkit. And Jaykit." she decided. I wished I could have interjected with my own opinion but I couldn't. I could never claim these kits as my own. Never.

"I love you, my kits. And you, my kin." she whispered, first to Hollykit, Lionkit and Jaykit, then to her own lifeless offspring. As I lay in the cold, I had never hated myself more.

''Oh, Starclan. What have I done?''