Talk:Hawks That Swoop and Lilacs That Wilt/@comment-1333071-20121129033824

I really, really like this- but a few comments, as well, since I know that "I LOVE THIS" doesn't cut it for good writers like you.

First of all, I really like your descriptive writing style. It gives the perfect amount of detail while still moving the story forward. A good author lets us see what he wants us to see in his mind's eye and lets us leave the rest to our imagination, and you did just that.

You also seem to have a steady plotline. Most fanfictions have a lot of filler chapters while their authors figure out what they want to do with them (if ever!) and you didn't do that. Although, it's only chapter two, so I'll hold my judgement.

However while you boasted that cats can sweat through their paws and that you Googled it, I would like to link you to a little article I wrote once, and I have to dig it deep from my brain... Forestpaw's Guide to... The Abilities of Cats and their Misuse Today. My main point in there is this: cats cannot smile. Nor can they grin. I even added a creepy grinning cat picture to add to the effect.

Adding on to my comment on grinning, I would like to beg that you are realistic in developing your characters. Okay, so he's an extremely handsome tom. He's athletic and charming and he's got beautiful eyes and fur and oh yeah he's kind of a jerk. But he also feels bad whenever he does that. And she's beautiful and sarcastic and witty and smart (and forbidden love, COME ON, sooo cliché, we both know you can do better). Okay, so where's the negative parts of the character? Where are their flaws? Show me some flaws. I like flaws. They make stories interesting, not the emotion, not the characters, and not the detail. The original, inspired plot is what makes the story interesting. Please keep that in mind as you write, but you do a very good job already <3

I came to this story because its name was very similar to one of mine (Hawks that Swoop). I was about to get very angry at you. I changed my mind, however, and I'm glad I took the time to read this. Good luck in any further endeavors you take as a writer, and I look forward to reading more!