Rising from the Ground/Nineteen

NINETEEN. GWYN

 Like I'm made of glass

Ravenflight and the others file out, saying they’ll be back with prey for all of us. When they’re gone, Stormshadow lets out his breath and sits. I don’t move, though I keep my eyes pinned to his.

The gray tom looks uncomfortable. “Gwyn, I want you to know that we can’t just say sorry and leave it at that, pretending nothing else went wrong.”

“I know.”

“So I don’t want your apology.” Stormshadow looks away, “I don’t want you to try to make amends. I want you to change.”

“I’m trying,” I protest, lashing my tail, “but I don’t know how.”

Stormshadow stands abruptly and for a moment, I think he’s going to leave me here and walk off once more. My heart threatens to crack. But Stormshadow just walks forward until he’s standing in front of me. “I’ll be here for you when you need me,” he says quietly, “but I…”

“You couldn’t stay when all I wanted to do was kill everyone around me?” I ask bitterly. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that,” Stormshadow breathes out, “I need you too.”

“What if I kill you?” I close my eyes, but not fast enough to see him flinch back, “All my life, I’ve watched everyone I love get destroyed by me. I don’t build walls to protect them, I build them to keep them out.”

Stormshadow’s tail brushes against my cheek and I gasp, my eyes opening in a flash. Stornshadow’s warm blue eyes are wide. “Gwyn, no matter who you are, I can never stop loving you.”

I don’t know what to say. Stormshadow continues in a rush. “Even if you murder the entire IceClan, I’ll still love you. I’ll love you until I die myself.”

I can’t breathe. “I don’t deserve you,” I repeat, tears pricking my eyes.

“No,” Stormshadow draws closer, “You deserve someone better.”

I shake my head but he stops me with one paw and brushes his nose to mine. He’s so close. My heart skips a beat and I whisper, “I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. I promise I’ll change.”

“And I’ll help you,” Stormshadow’s breath tickles my cheek and I fall against him with urgency.

“I love you,” I close my eyes as I lean my head against his flank.

“I love you so much, Gwyn.” Came his reply.

~

“Hey, love birds,” a teasing voice wakes me up. Ravenflight looks amused. “I didn’t realize talking meant sleeping together.”

I flush and I scramble off Stormshadow hastily. The gray tom lifts his head drowsily and curses when the rest of the fly warriors come back in. He brushes the dirt off his flank and mutters something inaudible before rushing off.

Sootflight twitches his whiskers and Ravenflight just laughs. “StarClan, I’ve never seen him so flustered before.”

I gaze after the tom. “Neither have I.”

Ravenflight tosses a mouse in my direction. “Eat up, I’ll get Stormshadow. Blackthorn wants us back at main camp for some final plans. They think they have what it takes to end the war.”

“I hope so,” I take a deep breath, “I’m sick of fighting this war.”

“You can say that again,” Mintsplash mumbles, though she avoids glancing at me.

I don’t glance at her. Ravenflight hurries out and I crouch down to eat the mouse. By the time Ravenflight comes back with Stormshadow in tow, I’m ready to go. We travel back to main camp in silence. “You might want to prepare yourself,” Ravenflight sighs, “the main camp still thinks you’re criminal.”

I roll my eyes. “I’ll just wait outside.”

“I’ll wait with her,” Stormshadow immediately volunteers.

Ravenflight snorts, “And leave you two together? We’re going in together,” she says decisively, “Blackthorn wants all of us in one spot. He’s the only one who seems to have accepted that Gwyn isn’t a criminal.”

To my surprise none of the other fly warriors utter any objection. Ravenflight or Blackthorn must have drilled them into submission.

We hurry through the main clearing, and I try to shrink away from the hostile cats who are shouting. The fly warriors surround me and Stormshadow presses against me reassuringly. We enter Blackthorn’s den unharmed.

The general looks up and nods to us. “Make yourself comfortable,” he invites us. His eyes land on Stormshadow in pleasure. I lean against Stormshadow and his tail wraps around me, tugging me closer. Blackthorn notices but he doesn’t comment about it and I rest my head on Stormshadow’s shoulder.

“I called you all here today to discuss our final battle plans.”

I take a deep breath. “We know that the Raiders are capable of doing many things that we cannot do. But Gwyn here can counter those. She has the speed of a Raider and fights like one too. She will teach you how to counter a Raider’s speed.” He glances at me and I know what his hidden question is: You can right? I give him an assertive nod.

“Then we must gather the largest army we can and attack. We cannot wait any longer for this war. The longer we wait, the slimmer are chances of winning are.”

Ravenflight nods immediately. “Once Gwyn teaches you her ways, you are to each take a large group of cats and start teaching them. Slowly we’ll gather more and more instructors and our entire army will be able to counter the Raiders,” the black she-cat adds.

Stormshadow presses his muzzle on top of mine. “Shall we be a pair?” He asks quietly, “I can only assume you won’t be able to work well alone.”

“It’d be my pleasure,” I purr, my eyes resting on him, “it’s better to show the moves in partners anyways.”

 Like I'm made of paper

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