Talk:Seeing Red/@comment-24766822-20150817012011

Competition Post

SPOILERS

Holy cow! A cat who can see spirits and blood? Kind of like The Sixth Sense... feline style! D:

"I see dead people..."

CHAPTER 1

This was a really good Chapter One. I think the thing that I found the most appealing about it was the eerie flashbacks. It really shows you what's going on; as well as telling your readers that he could see spirits, you added the flashbacks for extra effect. And let me say, the one at the apprentice ceremony terrified me. You described these horrific scenes with vivid detail, and now I have the images of it in my head. DARN YOU VEE, IT KILLS! <3

Ooh, Tigerstar and Hawkfrost, I assume, were the cats on the rock with Bramblestar?

"A freak who can see bloody spirits." That line sounds so much like one from The Sixth Sense.

I can already tell this will be a dark one. A very, very dark one.

The first chapter was executed well, Vee. One swing, and I was hooked like a fish.

CHAPTER 2

Aw, Dusky's a cute nickname. :D

Oh, I've always loved Brightheart; she's one of my favorite characters. I hope she'll be okay. :(

Another vivid, bloody scene with incredible descriptions. Once I start reading I just can't look away. But that scene with Brightheart- and that cruel voice in Dusky's head- freaked me out. It was a very gory scene, but well written.

Poor Dusky can't keep lying forever. Lies always come back to bite the throat of their master, you know...

CHAPTER 3

I can't help feeling the ShadowClan attack was a bit sudden at the beginning of this chapter, but it works fine.

That scene where blood is pouring from Brightheart's face kind of reminds me of earlier in Chapter 2... that didn't happen to be foreshadowing, did it?

Ah, that voice in Dusky's head is at it again. It's manipulating him, and I'm not liking the looks of it at all.

HEY! JAYFEATHER DIDN'T MURDER FLAMEPELT NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK, DUMB DAWNPELT! SO SHUT YOUR MUZZLE!!

N-n-no... not Brightheart... *Sniffs VEE! I TOLD YOU IT KILLS! DX

I have to agree with the voice. DEATH TO ROWANSTAR!!

CHAPTER 4

I really feel Amberpaw, Snowpaw and Dewpaw's pain here. Poor Brightheart. :( :(

It's kind of a shame that they have to be made warriors at such a depressing time, even if they are honoring their mother.

The reunion with Swiftpaw and Brightheart was very touching.

I just need some alone time, that's it.

''...Correction. Alone with that voice.''

An ominous ending to an ominous chapter.

CHAPTER 5

Tigerstar, once again, is trying to talk his way into controlling an apprentice, hmm? It is Tigerstar, right?

I hope Duskpaw can survive this torment. There is such a thing as dying from fright.

Honestly, this story made me shiver. Like I said, this story has a very dark setting, and it brings out the nightmares in me, I guess. XD Overall, this story had good pacing, good character setup, and the story itself is very interesting. Its concept is one that I don't often see.

END OF SPOILERS

This is a work of art, Vee. <3 Great job, and I can't wait for Chapter 6!