Talk:Betrayal by Fire/@comment-11493954-20140203052232

Commenting and judging!

Woah, intense prologue. I would never expect for a queen to killl her kits, and that makes for a great  back story for poor Deadkit. And 'They wanted to kill me so I killed them first.' Yep, definetley intense, and brilliant.

I love how Rainpaw and Deadpaw meet, and its very cute how they are together. However, you called Featherpaw Feathertail a lot. I guess its probably because of the book character. :P I kinda like how you hinted at Ashwind being evil, along with Deadfire's mother, and Orangeshadow and Shrewstar. How could they blame poor Deadfire for Featherheart!? Nice setup, how they are all mostly related except for Deadfire's mother.

I found this to be somewhat short, but its great! The idea is very good. I'd be curious to see what the medicine cat thought of Deadkit/paw/fire being treated kind of roughly by her Clanmates. And what Raindusk thought. :)

You said 'amost' and 'exxagerated' in the second chapter, for spellling/grammar mistakes. That's all I caught, so good job with that!

I'm looking forward to seeing what Deadfire does to make it all right! I give this a 15/20. Great job!