Talk:Eyes in the Dark/@comment-26432133-20170407050014

(Contest Comment)

SPOILERS

PROLOGUE

I love how this sweet, sweet scene that sets up the rest of the story. I love the warm feel contrasted with Poppycharm's bitterness. Considering what happens in the rest of the story, I can easily see how Breezeleaf takes her reactions as nothing more than "rebellious kit."

CHAPTER ONE

Your writing is really nice in the first few paragraphs. I don't know what it is about it, but I really love it. Breezeleaf's jealousy is so real and relatable that I'm just in love with her character. I like how Breezeleaf still cares for Poppycharm (I'm guessing because she's such a sweet mother?) enough to tell Fawnstar to stop.

CHAPTER TWO

I really really like how Breezeleaf blames herself for Poppycharm. It's not often you see a character who represents one of the parents who love their children so so much that they'll sometimes blame themselves for their children's actions. Don't push Pebblefall away, Breezeleaf ;-; And the jealousy, wow, the jealousy. I love it.

JUDGING:

Poppycharm as a villain herself is pretty solid. However, I love how the focus of the story isn't the "villain," it uses the theme of the contest as nothing more than a part of the story and delves into some other amazing characters *cough*BREEZELEAF*cough* and expands the villain theme so much.

What made Poppycharm go and kill Spottedkit and Hawkkit is justified. Not relatable enough to be, say, exemplary, but I can easily see how someone with some mental issues, with the circumstances Poppycharm was in, would do that.

The cliches- this brushes against the "parent X took another mate like parent Y never existed" but the story is so wonderful it really doesn't matter. Great job, Pumpkin!

OVERALL THOUGHTS

I'm just gushing, I love this story so much. It's unique, special, unique, special, amazing, wonderful, spectacular, and all-around awesome. A few things could be touched up, but honestly they're so minor. Amazing story, Pumpkin!