Talk:Bejeweled/@comment-25630395-20160618195107

SPOILERS

whoa

Firey, I really, really love this story. The plotline is already really fleshed out, and the story already has a purpose. It's exciting, and I really need to know what happens with the Clans, and if she gest her kingdom back from her jerk father. So intense. And I totally ship Zach and Kaytani... my little shipper heart is probably gonna be broken, knowing you xD

The characters are great. I don't like Kaytani that much because she sounds a little bratty, but it's what you'd expect from a princess. She's very developed and even from two chapters the reader really gets to know her character, and I really like how she loves her kingdom and hates to leave it behind. Zach was really personified in the first chapter as the risk-taker, and his mysterious family issues intrigue me. I feel like he could've shown more urgency in the scene where they're escaping, though. The king sounds like a total jerk, as well, and I already hate him. Kill him. Please.

Couple suggestions... I noticed that you made a few grammar mistakes here and there. For example, the word 'loyalest' doesn't exist, it's most loyal xD. You missed a comma here and there but it didn't really take anything away from the story.

I also thought that Kaytani could've showed more emotion when Zach told her her father wanted to kill her. I was shocked, but she kind of just accepted it. Maybe it was because she'd suspected/known her father hated it all along?? I just felt like an announcement that big would really shock her.

The other thing- Kaytani mentions that she can't really escape from her chambers, so how is Zach getting in with so much ease? Did I miss something? I probably did. I felt like their escape was too easy, for a princess with guards outside her chambers, it seemed relatively easy to escape.

Other than that, this was freaking amazing. Write moar. It's a great story... I will be stalking :3

ENDSPOILERS