Talk:Warrior/@comment-26285531-20151121220950



Part One:

I really like how you opened the story in the introduction! It started out seemingly random, but then you cleared up why Ravenflight was fighting and how she wasn't allowed to do it so often.

You also really elaborated in Ravenflight's bloodthirsty personality in words, and made the scenes gruesome enough so it explains for itself. However, in the part where Ravenflight fights the Raider, I would suggest to include less blood or at least put a "Worse" rating beforehand because it gets, you know, kinda extreme.

You gave just enough information about the meaning of a "fly warrior" so that I want to keep reading to find out more. The conflict between the Raiders and fly warriors isn't quite good-guys-fights-bad-guys (xD) but I can tell it's going to get interesting in that sense! It kind of reminds me of Recruit. :P

Great job Firey! <3

