Talk:Beginning of the End/@comment-5488450-20130730205235

SPOILERS

A really interesting plot, I like the idea behind this! It's a little short, but I think more than enough happens :) The mental arguments with Darkshadow, the memories, the death the guilt and the confusion is all really well reflected upon!

A few things I recommend:

>Make some more paragraphs. Exteremly long paragraphs can make a reader shy away from a story, and it's so much easier to read if its more short paragraphs. I also defintely recommend this for each new person speaking/thinking.

>Add some more details! I want to know more abot that night when the lightning strukc, how she felt, her initial reaction to being taken over, go deeper into the emotions, the memories, the guilt, the background and the details as well. It'll make the story much more enjoyable!

>At the beginning try not to be so direct. As opposed to writing a story it feels more as though you are writing a wikipedia article. Make it more emotion, and not so direct. Sneak the informatiomn in, don't just come out and give it to us, make us read and think in order to find out!

Really cool though, I think I'll be reading the rest of this series :D

END SPOILERS