Talk:Warriors: Worlds Collided/@comment-7410018-20150319061029

--SPOILERS--

Okay, I'm sorry that this comment might come out a bit disjointed, but I'm tired and I don't think I can organize it that well.

First off, I like the foreshadowing in the first chapter with Milky getting chastized by his mother for wanting to go after a dog. It sort of sets the stage of "dogs vs cats" and then we have this great friendship that breaks those expectations. I also like the whole post-apocalyptic thing to this story too. I don't think I've ever seen that idea used on here, so it's nice and original.

Some of your word choice seems a little bit off though. The cats, Milky, and Packer use phrases such as "young man", "pull up a seat", and "crappy". Those seem like very twoleg phrases. I guess you could argue that they picked those things up from the twolegs, but it still seems a little bit off.

It's interesting how the dogs call cats "sharpclaws". I also love seeing Packer and Milky work together. Their dialogue is intriguing, and I love to read their teasing and bickering. It's nice to see a good story that is based on a genuine platonic friendship, instead of love or love interests. But one thing that confuses me is how can Packer and Milky understand each other so well? It would make sense if only Packer understood the foxes, and if Milky understood the mountain lions, but I feel like they should have more difficulty understanding each other.

And wow, I really love it when they start reminiscing about their past. It gives them a lot of character development, builds their relationship, and does that without seeming forced. Also that peanut butter thing was kind of funny.

One common error I noticed was that you used "eachother" instead of "each other". I believe that is grammatically incorrect?

It's intriguing to see malls and grocery stores from the animals' point of view, that is pretty cool. But why did the mall burn down? Does it have something to do with the Twolegs that tried to abduct Packer?

This story is enjoyably fast paced, without seeming rushed. It also has a great adventure story feel to it, I was actually in a bad mood before reading this but now I'm cheered up. The only other thing that I would say is that I think Packer and Milky should have some more negative emotions and experiences. I know, I just stated that I liked the cheery feel of the story, but in order to make the characters more realistic they have to feel something else other than happiness and contentment. Shouldn't Milky be more sad about losing his twolegs? Her cat friends?

Anyways, that's about it. I really enjoyed this.

--END SPOILERS--