Shadows of the past

Prologue
Her silvery coat gleamed, although it was ragged and ungroomed. Her eyes shone with pain of such intensity that he could feel it coursing through his veins, chilling his heart, breaking him inside. Every muscle in his body, every mouse-length of his heart, ached to nuzzle her, to bring back the old light in her eyes. But he stayed away because he had to; because there was no room for love in this harsh, cruel world.

"You don't have to come." she mewed softly, not meeting his gaze. He longed to be able to tell her that he had no choice, but they both knew that he could not leave with her. Their paths, ultimately, led to the same place. But there was no way for them to entwine, to join.

Closing his eyes, the bracken tinged tom tore his eyes from the she-cat and let the breeze lick his face, comforting him. There was nothing he loved more than the feel of the wind on his face. This was his home; he couldn't leave.

"It wasn't your fault. None of it." he spat, suddenly angry. Letting his eyelid peel open, his vision was flooded with the shining, never-ending stretch of stars that gazed over them both. A moon ago, he would have been entranced by their beauty. But now, all he could think of was how those starry warriors had torn their worlds apart, and decreed that something pure was something unthinkable.

"It wasn't anyone's fault. You know that." the beautiful she-cat sighed, pawing a tiny bundle of fur towards him. The raven-black tom glared down at it.

"Take him with you. Make him a warrior that the Clans will remember." there was no mistaking the look of pure, warm love that glowed in her eyes as the mother gazed at her kit for the last time. It opened it's tiny mouth and gave a wail, bewildered by the look of absolute hate in Crowflight's eyes. That love in her eyes should have been for him, not for the kit.

"What Clan would be proud of this? It's not even a fully Clan kit. In case you've forgotten, you're a Tribe cat. I'm a Clan cat. Who would take in a kit that isn't even fully Clan?" he demanded. The kit gave a whine, huddling close to his mother.

"Times are hard with the Tribe. The ancient legends of the Clans saved us in the past. Every cat knows that the Clans are heroes. I love him too mChuch to let him grow up with the Tribe of the Rushing Water. Take him." she pleaded. The tom glared at the tiny creature with as much hate as he could muster. It was a beautiful little thing, with an amazing black-brown pelt and mysterious green-gray eyes. It meant more to his mate than he did. He'd make sure that it felt ugly and unwanted, to compensate for what he felt now.

"I'll take him." he muttered. Relieved, the she-cat lathered her kit with licks.

"Mummy? Mummeeeeeeee?" he squeaked, fear sparkling in his eyes.

"I love you forever, my kit. Even when I'm not there, I'm still thinking of you. I'm sorry for everything. I love you." she whispered, her eyes glistening with tears. With a respectful nod at the ragged black tom before her, she turned to leave.

"Come on, Toadkit. Time to get to the Clans." the black tom hissed, hauling his son rougly to his paws. The kit wailed for his mother, calling desperately.

She didn't come back.

Chapter 1- Smudge
"...and if you think it's okay to sleep this late, you have another thing coming, because there's no way I'm going to allow it. It's not the first time that this has happened, and I'm not going to accept it..." a toneless, bland chatter drew Smudgefoot from her sleep. The warm Newleaf sun drenched her coat, sending a wave of joy through her. It was finally the end of that harsh, relentless Leafbare.

"Sorry, Tawnybird." she mumbled, not disheartened. After her real mother was killed in a battle against ThunderClan, Tawnybird (her mother's sister) had taken over that role. Smudgefoot was more than used to Tawnybird's scoldings; they were part of her life. Pushing past the Clan deputy, she was too drowsy with joy to notice a group of excited kits before she almost tripped over them.

"Shouldn't you be in the nursery?" she scolded, although she was really to excited to care about the inquisitive little creatures. They shook their heads happily.

"We're going to be apprentices today." a tiny, fluffy gray she-kit explained, her eyes sparkling. Smudgefoot purred loudly. New apprentices always lifted the spirits of the Clan. Today was going to be a good day, no matter what.

"That's great, Stonekit." she mewed quietly, then caught herself. There was no need to be shy in front of kits! Half amused and half annoyed at her own mistake, she padded over to greet a golden tabby tom that had obviously been waiting there for quite a while. His fur was sleekly groomed. Smudgefoot recognised him as Sunpaw, one of the oldest apprentices. They weren't exactly friends, but were always polite to each other. Behind him, an unusual brownish tom was sulking quietly. Nobody was talking to him, as usual. Toadpaw was a miserable little creature, and seemed to be avoiding her altogether.

"Good morning, Smudgefoot. Your pelt looks particularly nice today. Did you groom it?" Sunpaw dipped his head. Smudgefoot felt her face fur flushing hot.

"Uh.. um.... well..." she spluttered, avoiding his gaze. Sunpaw didn't seem fazed. He purred good-naturedly, his green eyes seeking her gaze. Embarrassed, Smudgefoot skidded round the tabby tom. She was too angry with herself for messing up her talk with Sunpaw to notice the look of aggression that Toadpaw was shooting at Sunpaw.

Toadpaw
He kept his gaze on the ground, ignoring any cat that passed him. A group of she-cats shyly tried to approach him, but he shuffled past them miserably. They're trying to make fun of me, he thought bitterly. ''Because I'm so ugly, and because I wasn't even born to WindClan. ''

Every cat thought that Toadpaw was born a rogue, but that Crowflight had generously taken him in to the Clans. The skinny, ragged black tom had told him the real truth. His mother, Water That Glistens At Sunrise, was a Tribe cat. She abandoned him because he was so ugly. Just like a toad. Crowflight, his father, had named him.

"Hey, get over here." an angry hiss made him leap like a startled sparrow. Stiff with fright, he followed the voice. Normally, he would have ignored it, but there was no ignoring this cat.

"Hey there, Toad-filth. How are you doing?" a pair of amber eyes leered at him. Toadpaw shrank back.

"What d'you think?" he muttered sourly. Crowflight purred maliciously.

"Is that because you're so ugly? That's why nobody likes you. Because you're ugly, ugly, ugly!" with every ugly, the skinny black tom struck Toadpaw harshly round the face. Shrinking even further away, he whimpered;

"I didn't ask to be ugly."

Crowflight gave a ragged, rasped laugh. Unable to bear it any longer, Toadpaw skidded away as fast as his paws could manage. To his surprise, the whole of WindClan was already waiting at the camp center, watching Tawnybird speak.

"Where were you? You're late." an anonymous voice hissed. Shrugging Toadpaw made his way to the back of the assembly.

"...unfortunately, Jaggedstar has not yet returned from his quest, on which he departed six moons ago. We will be sending a final search party to find him, and if we don't, I'm afraid we'll have to accept that he's not coming back." Tawnybird dipped he head sadly. There were outraged yowls from the Clan.

"He's coming back!"

"Are you saying he'd desert us?"

(TBC)