Talk:Rising Blood/@comment-25531638-20130901165447

SPOILERS

This seems excellent so far!

Eevee: I love how you began the chapter, with "It felt like flames were scorching my belly.". That's the perfect comparison I suppose, and it really catches my attention. That very first part of the chapter had great descriptions, and you could really feel Firestar's pain, as well as the second part.

Tall: Great emotion as well. Tallstar had great passion x3. But when you put a comma, you have to put a space after it, like I'm doing in this sentence here.

You both had some grammatical errors though, and typos, that I would recommend fixing. And I don't think that you should both end the first chapter part thingy with blacking out, it seems a bit awkward, so maybe just one of you.

Keep on writing :)

END OF SPOILERS