Talk:The Army Series: The Beginning/@comment-1703139-20120903180727

Okay dokay, here is my critique:

Excellent start- you have a talent for writing. However, you need to break up your paragraphs more. The prologue is just one big confusing jumble and the second paragraph in chapter one has five different dialogues in it. Instead of them all talking it should be:

Bramblestar talks.

Rainheart talks.

Tigerheart talks.

Ect.

Also, you have quiter a few cats whose name ends in 'claw' in ThunderClan...maybe change one or two? Other then that, great story!