Talk:Days Until Heartbreak/@comment-25630395-20150820153838

COMPETITION POST+SPOILERS

Part Two of my comment :P

GATEWAY

Oh wow, that was really touching. I love how love seems to be changing Sari for the better, how she apologized to Aura, and left the rose in front of his den. I feel like the Sari from Theme 1 would never have done that, but this one now did something so sweeeet :D Sari/Ice= <3

And can I just add that I love Aura sooo much. She's so developed and is a great sort of 'literary foil' for Sari.

Oh, and also:  (they've long learned to question me) I'm pretty sure you meant (they've long learned not to question me) :P

DEATH

Oh, so deep. I love how you have something deeper here... like how Ice is trying to prevent Sari from becoming the 'monster' she is, which is an epic monster, btw.

The battle between Shineblossom and Sari was like, awesome. I was screaming in my head for Sari to kill her but nooooo. ICE I HATE YOU GO AWAY.

and for some reason I always thought Aura was ginger... ah, oh well.

WHAT? SWEETIE? I got so scared that it was going to be Sari dying when Shineblossom struck her.

OPPURTUNITIES

OH YES. GO SARI!!

This is getting so intense omg. I can't even describe how cleverly you've woven in ths 'don't be a monster' thing with Sari, and how Kayli basically makes Sari correct herself even though she's trying to do Sari bad.

NOW SARI HAS TO GO KILL SHINEBLOSSOM :DDDD Maybe you could have emphasized Shineblossom's distinctive features a little more? Like the white paw and green eyes, which could have made it a little more realistic for the readers to guess? but eh. Also I think it would have been good if you could have shown some improvement in Firefly's fighting or something which prompts the we are ready thoughts from Sari. It still worked up maybe that would have been more effective than just breezing through the scene.

33%

Okay so like this doesn't quite fit 33% at first glance but whatever.

I know I've repeated myself like thirteen times but this story is like, so deep. Sari is fixated on getting revenge for herself/Sweetie, and love. She doesn't really know that killing will make Ice love her, and since she spent her whole life fighting love, she doesn't know anything about it. I love the irony that she spent her whole life fighting against love, and now it's rendering her helpless.

WHOA. KAYLI AND KREG ESCAPED >:DD That would have been such an awful cliffhanger if you didn't already have the next theme :P

DEAD WRONG

OH MY GOD AURA FOUND THEM AHHHH SO INTENSE

Okay so I hate Kayli rn. That's just awful. This story is getting really intense and I am giving this theme a short comment because I absolutely can't wait to read the next section xd.

RUNNING AWAY

I love how Sari is just rendered so helpless by love. It's so ironic.

Oh wow. I love Aura. She's just so unwavering and it's nice to have that sometimes when the main character is buckling under the pressure of doing something wrong.

And it's really intersting how Sari is an antagonist, but is slowly trying to become a protagonist by the wrong means. I hope she kills Shineblossom though. And Kayli. I hate Kayli. She's just too... arrogant.

JUDGEMENT

Oh wow. I loved how you let Sari suddenly realize what she'd been doing with that scene in the dump. And wow. That was just... wow. Like, we got to witness so much of Sari grow. It was like you were showing  us  how bad she had been, not just Sari.

END OF SPOILERS