Talk:On the Wing/@comment-26432133-20170121054017

(crazy commenting run I promised almost three weeks ago? I'm finally doing it! :D)

SPOILERS

Hm, I think the beginning could be improved. "My name's Lapis. I've been whisked away." I don't think that "My name's Lapis" is necessary. Like Fredgirl said below- more show, less tell. "Listen, Lapis" is enough for the reader to know her name.

Augh, those evil adoptive parents. The inclusion of them having their own kits and neglecting Lapis adds to their characters. And the fact that their kits are arrogant- aijsjwiskmw I hate them.

The part where she runs and then admires the scenery...the change from tell to very, very detailed description is abrupt and slightly off-putting.

Oo, I like the ending. It leaves me with a question, and questions are good things that make me want to read more. So what does this cat have against her, especially since it seems like they don't know her? Now I shall move on to the next one!