Talk:Shimmering Stripes/@comment-8248793-20141011153820

SPOILERS

This is an interesting concept!

I really like how you build up the suspense quickly in the first few chapters, and spoil the love for them rather quickly to put in more plot. Both your writing styles blend perfectly together, and I really like how you shape every character for a specific purpose.

you both have an interesting way of telling the story, and I thought that was good. Like I said before, both your writing styles are similar, which makes them go perfectly together.

There were a few grammarical mistakes, but one edit could clear them all away. I do think that the break up was a bit rushed, you seemed like they wanted to break up, but they loved each other so much that they couldn't.

I like the unique idea, but you certainly were rushed at many points, I would suggest slowing the plot down, and enhancing some of the ideas before moving on.

But good job! <3

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