Talk:Fawnkit's Destiny/@comment-17759525-20151028224554

There's obviously not much to comment on here yet, but would you mind if I gave you one pointer...?

It's perfectly fine to have an introduction, but I'd suggest not revealing so much about the story from the very beginning like you have here. With that blurb, it seems like there's really not a whole lot that the story can tell that hasn't already been mentioned in your introductory paragraph.

In short, instead of just flooding potential readers with a bunch of random facts about the characters, try letting those ideas unfold in the story instead ^.^ It seems like you have a good idea going here, but it also seems to me that it would be more interesting written out as a part of the story instead of as an introduction.