Talk:The Forgotten Kit/@comment-24489212-20140526162205/@comment-17759525-20140526163557

Well, I wouldn't say ''that. ''I agree that it would be better with separate paragraphs, and it does move a bit fast. More detail, making it longer, and separate paragraphs would be an improvement.

However: This is a fanfiction, keep in mind. If random things can't happen in fiction, where can they happen? X3 Maybe the Twolegs were making the cats hurry so fast that Blizzardkit got lost in the commotion.

So, Rapid.wabash: Add a bit more detail. Tell us what the cats and the camp look like, and more about the travelling. Where does he go? Does he get tired or want to give up? Show us more of the struggle with the hawk. Things like that would help make it a better, more interesting story. You have a good start, though. Keep writing :3