No Words

They said that I deserve to join Starclan's path,

That I was not wrong in my deeds in near past,

That I am innocent though my wrongs arenot remedied,

They say I will get over grief with many a melody,

They are wrong.

I have no more song.

I used to shine brigher than the stars,

My nature drew cats from lands afar,

My voice brought joy beyond Starclan's power,

My scent used to draw bees desiring flower.

I myself was once more desirable,

Than life itself, more than raw survival,

Now I am nothing.

A creature worth cuffing.

They beat me when they attacked my home,

Soon I was nothing but blood and bone,

And burned permanently into my brain,

Are the images of my loved ones crying out in vain,

Of my single kit, wailing in distress,

Her blood pouring across our invaded nest,

Before me they stole the cat I love more than life,

Teeth tore through his throat, as sharp as a knife,

As I stood watching, shocked and unreachable,

I watched my love die, I am worse than despicable,

My mate and my kit died and I lived to see,

The inner monster that oneself can be,

As they were killed I stayed in my shock,

Useless and watching as still as a rock,

I was too afraid to pull the killers away,

My own actions are at the heart of my pain,

My deeds cannot ever be forgiven;

I let them die so I had a chance to stay living,

I deserve worse than death,

I do not deserve breath.

The invaders are gone but I am frozen here now,

No more shall words leave the depths of my mouth,

I bury my face in my dead true love's pelt,

My heart bleeding for the torture that he has felt,

I lie down to drown in my beloved kins' blood,

Though I know I don't deserve to lie in it, I deserve mud,

But I have killed them so they must kill me,

I will die in the pool that is my loved one's sea.

Drowning in blood,

I am filth worse than mud.

I shall speak no more words.

I deserve worse.