Talk:Talon Rising/@comment-25531638-20130613192218

All right, it's kind of hard to leave a constructive comment with so little of a story, but I'll try. Let's see... my advice for you is... maybe don't introduce so many ties in the first paragraph. I understood, but it was sort of flung at me all at once. And maybe leave your author's notes or whatevs in bold.

Other than that, this seems like it will turn out great!