Talk:Shattered Angels/@comment-4751506-20130326210429

This is great, especially for a first try!

There weren't many mechanic issues, except for the spacing - the conversations, usually when a new person talks there's a new line, etc. - and that was pretty much it, save for a few capitalization mishaps and whatnot.

It moved a bit fast, and there were a few confusing points, as Robo mentioned below - why did Maplefrost hate her kit? Most queens feel blessed to have kits, and why did Maplefrost want to have kits if she was going to hate them? What happened to make her want kits, and what happened to make her hate the kit she had?

I do agree with Robo about Wingpaw's death, it would have been a bit easier to understand had it been more emphasized. But it was really great overall, especially for a first try!

I give you a 6.5. :)