Talk:Cara Mia/@comment-25630395-20150401091540

( Competition Post)

SPOILERS.

Wonderful job, Snowfur! The story has just started, but it seems to complex alredy, like there's many more layers to what we see. I think the characters seem quite developed so far, though I wish you took more time to explain Rosekit as a young kit, and her relationship with the rest of the Clan.

I also like how its not predictable, that Rosepaw knows she's not Clanborn. I'm very interested to see who her mother is! (is it the silver she-cat? :D) I also wonder what happened to the cat from the prologue.

The prologue was good. I liked the tone of the first part (which made me imagine it taking place in some pre-disaster seen from like Bambi, where everything is magical) and the change to danger was sudden, but good contrast. It's just my opinion, but I think the prologue was a little too long. Maybe her dream could have come later...?

I think you've tried to avoid massive paragraphs (like me xd), but it kind of makes the story a little choppy. Like the transition from one thing to another isn't that smooth, and when she was out for the first time with Carolwish, Windpaw was like suddenly there :P.

But great job! I see a lot of potential here, and I'll be waiting for future updates.


 * stalker face*

yeah...nvm xD

END OF ZE SPOILERS