Talk:Collar of Bones/@comment-7270915-20130710021120

SPOILER ALERT

This is a very intriguing story. It's an interesting idea, and I sure hope you finish it.

I like the idea of the Cialians. The idea of a remnant of BloodClan or Scourge's bloodline coming back with a vengence has been used many times before, but you make it interesting. Then again, you may want to wait to introduce the fact that they are connected with Scourge, just to add to the mystery. You say that they killed an ancestor of Speir's without mentioning who it was. Then again, it may serve your story better to introduce that now, and if so, ignore that.

And as Rainy brought up, don't make your character a Mary-Sue. That bores people, and they won't be able to connect with the story.