Tourniquet

This is part of the Songfic Series

Story

 * I tried to kill my pain....
 * But only brought more (so much more)...


 * Hi, I'm Mintfur. And I just commited suicide.


 * I lay dying, and I'm pouring
 * Crimson regret...and betrayal


 * I laugh as my head bobs above the water. Look at that fool, Cloverfang. She tried to talk me out of it. And I don't regret what I did. I never do. Although....I can't help but wonder....will I go to StarClan?


 * I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming...


 * Sure, my kits will. They weren't born. They could never have done any wrong in this world. But what about me? Where will I go?


 * Am I too lost to be saved...
 * Am I too lost?


 * All right, maybe I regret this a little. I mean, dying is forever. And wherever I go will be eternal.


 * My God, my tourniquet
 * Return to me salvation
 * My God, my tourniquet
 * Return to me salvation


 * The water is well above me now. I'm underwater, and I know I won't last much longer. I could swim it if I wanted to....something tells me to, but I fight it. I don't mean to...I just....do.


 * Do you remember me?
 * Lost for so long?


 * Suddenly, I have a shockingly strong urge to breath. I try to swim up, but I'm being pulled under. I pad with my paws, like I'm running, just like some RiverClan cats at the Gathering told me one time, but it doesn't work. Of course. StarClan! Just let me live. I don't want this anymore. Do whatever, just let me be!


 * Will you be on the other side,
 * Or will you forget me?


 * All of a sudden, I see pitch black, and my head hurts deeply. Suddenly, I know what's happened. Suicide. I'm dead!


 * I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming,
 * Am I too lost to be saved,
 * Am I too lost?


 * I see the old leader of SkyClan, Rainstar.
 * "Rainstar!" I run over to him in sheer joy, but his face looks stern.
 * "Don't get near me, Mintfur. You disgust me."
 * "W-what?"


 * My God, my tourniquet,
 * Return to me salvation
 * My God, my tourniquet,
 * Return to me salvation


 * "It was your choice to make, Mintfur, and you chose the wrong path. It's understandable, your feelings that went around in your head at that moment. You thought your mate died, and that's hard. But there's no excuse. Your behavior is awful."
 * "So...what will happen?" I asked.
 * Suddenly, millions of cats were around me, all mad yet peaceful-looking. "Will I...go there?"
 * Rainstar looked at his comrades. "Yes."


 * I want to die!


 * "No!" I cried! "I wanted to be free of my woes, and I thought dying would be the only way. Suicide was my path to freedom."


 * My God, my tourniquet
 * Return to me salvation
 * My God, my tourniquet
 * Return to me salvation


 * "I'm sorry, Mintfur...we didn't want this to happen."
 * And then, I was falling, falling down...down into fire and darkness. It was so scary! I feared it so much. This was awful!


 * My wounds cried for the grave,
 * My soul cries for deliverance
 * Will I be denied,
 * Christ?
 * Tourniquet?


 * "Welcome home," Thousands of voices echoed around me.
 * No.
 * I was here, in the Dark Forest.


 * My suicide...