Four Clans Forest Talk Show-A Scandal in the Forest

Contains some violence, and extreme bizarre violations of physics and continuity.

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE POWER OF THREE SERIES AND THE FOURTH APPRENTICE

This is a comedy FF by Darkfire22. If people like it, I shall write more. If not, I will try something else.

FOUR CLANS FOREST TALK SHOW
(With your host, Darkfire)

Darkfire: Hello, and welcome to Four Clans Forest Talk, the only talk show in the forest for all your clan news.

(Stagehand whispers something into his ear)

Darkfire: I have just been told we are, in fact, the only radio talk show in the forest.

Darkfire: Today on FCF we have six guests: Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, Leafpool, Crowfeather, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze. Hollyleaf was unavailable for comment.

Brambleclaw: Hello.

Squirrelflight: I LIKE SHINY THINGS!!!

Leafpool: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?:

Crowfeather: Go. Away. Now.

Jayfeather: I see your dreams.

Lionblaze: I AM KING OF THE FOREST! BOW DOWN!

Darkfire: What do you have to say about this recent revelation?

Brambleclaw: I think this can be worked out sensibly if we just calm down and-

Squirrelflight: SHINY!

Leafpool: (Leaves)

Crowfeather: (Leaves)

Jayfeather: Do I care?

Proxy-Connection: keep-alive Cache-Control: max-age=0

onblaze: STILL KING OF THE FOREST HERE!

Darkfire: Never mind. Next question: Who killed Ashfur?

Brambleclaw: (Shrugs)

Squirrelflight: Soooooo SHINY!

Leafpool: (Still gone)

Crowfeather: (Still gone)

Jayfeather: Hollyleaf.

Lionblaze: MEEEE! I’M KING OF THE FOREST! MEEEEEE! LOOK AT ME!!!

Hobofur: Cherries!

All: (Stare)

Hobofur: I’ll just… leave then… (slinks away)

Darkfire: After that… um… blatant disregard for continuity, physics, and plotline…. our next question is: Why didn’t Firestar show up?

Firestar: (entering) I’m here! I was just making my pelt MORE SHINY. Which is IMPOSSIBLE.

Squirrelflight: Shiny?

Firestar: (nodding) My fur is so shiny and-

Squirrelflight: (jumping on Firestar) SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINY!!!! I MUST HAVE THE SHINIES!

Firestar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (runs away with Squirrelflight attached)

Lionblaze: A FIGHT? In my forest? ATTACK, NUNS OF ANTIOCH! (Runs after Firestar and Squirrelflight) Jayfeather: Would you look at that. OF course, StarClan told me this would happen ages ago.

Brambleclaw: Does this mean I am… leader?

(A banner appears that says: BRAMBLESTAR W00T!)

Firestar: (Running past) Squirrelflight has only take one life so far! I’ve got (counts on paws before realizing that he doesn’t have opposable digits) two left!

Erin Hunter: As far as you know.

(Firestar dies)

Darkfire: That was incredibly anti-climactic.

Brambleclaw: I am Bramblestar now!

Bramblestar: Now, ThunderClan! Go eat food!

Leafpool: (re-appearing). Yay for food!

Crowfeather: (fails to re-appear)

Jayfeather: Mice. I eat them. In your dreams.

Lionblaze: (running back into the room) King of the forest. Still. King. Of. The. Forest.

Bramblestar: Now ThunderClan: DANCE! (Disco ball descends from the ceiling slowly)

Squirrelflight: SHINY!

Bramblestar: Yes, Squirrelflight. Shiny. By the way, you are now deputy!

Squirrelflight: (Slices Bramblestar’s neck open)

Squirrelstar: Yay for shiny.

ThunderClan (Except for Jayfeather, Leafpool, and Lionblaze): YAY FOR SHINY!

Squirrelstar: YOU! Random cat that may or may not be from ThunderClan! You are deputy!

(Lionblaze drops a rock on Squirrelstar, killing her nine times.)

Lionblaze: Who’s the new leader?

Hobostar: Cherries!

ThunderClan (Except for Cloudtail, Brightheart, Leafpool, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze): CHERRIES! CHERRIES!

Lionblaze: (Kills Hobostar) I think I should be leader.

Cloudtail: No, he’s far too qualified.

Lionblaze: That doesn’t seem like grounds for-

Firestar: I’m back.

Darkfire: I really don’t care how impossible that is.

(Suddenly, Firestar lights everything on fire. Somehow.)

Cloudtail: I DON’T LIKE FIRE!

Bluestar: Fire?

Yellowfang: AAAAAA! (Runs away)

Darkfire: Ummmm, let’s end the show while we flee the studio! We’ll see you again soon if we can fix our studio! BYE!