Talk:Evil Rising/@comment-8248793-20140812214342

SPOILERS

Wow, this was rather intriguing and definitely interesting and worth reading! What really surprised me was how you first ended Rainpaw's section.

I have a few suggestions, you should make a new paragraph every time a new person/cat speaks, it makes the dialogue more organized and easier to read. You should also add more description during the talking parts, like describing how they act, what they are doing, their surroundings etc.

But you do have good description in other parts like when there's no dialogue. If you could combine the dialogue with descriptions, it would be great :D

You also interrupt the flow of the story with the sections, I understand you're making it between four different Clan cats, but in Rainoaw's first section, you ended it with her finding something. The next time you put Rainpaw in again, you never explained what had happened. This really kills the story, and makes the reader confused.

Other than that, you did I good job putting suspense and piecing this story together, but I feel as though you're a bit rushed, making them friends, having every situation start, but not end.

Despite all that, it's a great story, and I'll try to follow along when you update it! <3

END SPOILERS