Talk:Firestar's Choice/@comment-24176321-20131031035921

Looks good, but you could use some spacing out. I think some of the chapters could be spread out into more paragraphs. Here's an example:

I grabbed a mouse and turned around. "Hi there!" Purred Winterbreeze.

Instead:

I grabbed a mouse and turned around.

"Hi there!" Purred Winterbreeze.

But everything else is fine, just do what you think is right. :)