Talk:If Tigerstar was good/@comment-24176360-20130929095208

Well, I did like your originality, and how you used the first part of the book, BUT:


 * I found some errors:

"To coward to fight Redtail" Oakheart meowed as he extended his claws and jumped on Redtail.

That's the biggest one.

1) Wrong to/too. It should be "TOO coward to fight".

2) Should be a question mark at the end of the first 'Redtail' and a comma after the word 'fight'. So, therefore, your sentence should look like this:

"Too coward to fight, Redtail?" Oakheart meowed as he extended his claws and jumped on Redtail.

Without the use of the comma, it looks as if Oakheart is asking an unknown cat if they are too coward to fight Redtail.

Also, the title needs some work to make it eye-catching. Not many people will look at a story called 'If Tigerstar was good'. Instead, you should make it fancier. Think of something that's going to catch the reader's attention as soon as they see it, so they'll think "Wow! I want to read this!"

That's all my constructive feedback. Otherwise, a good story.