Line In The Sand

Line In The Sand
Time after the tree limb fell atop Minkears and Rabbitfur seemed to constrict and fold in on itself. It seemed an eternity passed in the time it took for Fire and I to rush forward and shove the limb aside, exposing the bodies of the cats beneath, slammed against the ground.

But time seemed to wrench free from this sluggishness and hurtle forward once I looked down and realized Minkears was breathing--it was like time, like everything, had stopped, everything that could obviously not go on if Minkears was dead, because there was nothing if she was gone, and then had suddenly come into being again at the realization that she was alive, plunging ahead and nearly outstripping me as it flew by.

I let Fire handle everything. Let her alert the others to what had happened, let her deal with a questioning, suspicious Viperstar, let her deal with the puzzlement of our Clan and GreenClan. I trudged home by myself; I didn't know if the others had already gone ahead of me or if they were still in the woods, grouped around Rabbitfur's body. I didn't care. I made my way to the medicine cat's den, where I curled myself by Minkears' body and shut my eyes as tightly as possible.

Sleep came surprisingly quickly. So did the dreams. I dreamed first of my parents, something I hadn't done for so long that I nearly cried when I saw them. I raced up and buried my face in Ravenwing and Cloudberry's shimmering forms, wishing harder than ever before that they were substantial, that I could embrace them and smell more than the sharp, cold scent of stardust and feel more than a vapory mist on my face. "Where have you guys been?" I asked them waveringly. "How can you be visiting me... it's been so long..."

"We know, daughter, we know." Ravenwing gave me a sad look. "We've missed you so--with everything you've been through lately, it's been absolute torture to watch you be alone like you have."

"Now that the Life-Rock has been returned to its rightful place, the rules have been stricter. It's harder for us to come visit you like we used to, but we've been watching over you from above."

"We can't stay long, Breezeflight," said Ravenwing. I let out an involuntary whimper, but instead of reprimanding me for acting like a kit, he leaned forward and touched his nose to my ear. Even though he was a ghost, though he wasn't really with me--for a second, I felt a warmth spread through my entire body. For a second, I felt loved and wanted and not alone. "We just wanted to tell you that we love you, that we trust you no matter what. And that... it's impossible for anyone to always make the right choices. Do what you can, Breezeflight. We know you'll do your best."

"What?" I asked, bewildered.

Cloudberry shook her head. "Just some life advice, dear. Don't worry about it for now." Her voice was light, but her blue eyes shone with a kind of peculiar sorrow as she looked at me, as if she was trying to silently warn me that worse was yet to come.

As if there could exist worse things than what I'd already been through.

Ravenwing began to bid me good-bye, but before he could, I yelled, "Wait!"

Both my parents took in the look on my face, and I saw from their expressions that they already knew what I was going to ask. It felt like a sharp, pointed rock had replaced my heart, stabbing and twisting somewhere deep in my chest. I could barely get the words out as I shakily asked, "D-Daisyheart? Have you seen her?"

My parents exchanged looks. Finally, Cloudberry said, "She hunts our skies, Breezeflight. Let me make that clear. Just because we haven't seen her-"

"You haven't seen her? So... she can't visit me?" The smallest flicker of hope that had flared up in me, no matter how much I'd tried to deny it, died, leaving a charred, black hole.

"Like I said, it isn't... it isn't easy for us to come down here. I think Daisyheart would want to cut ties with this world, to fully embrace StarClan and forget all the pain-"

"Stop," I said raggedly, turning away from my parents so they can't see the pain inside me, tearing me open from the inside out. "I- I know what you mean. I know you want me to consider her happiness. I just..." My voice broke. "Please. I can't hear you talk about her like that, it just reminds me over and over again that she's gone..."

I felt Cloudberry's ghostly pelt brush along mine. "I understand, Breezeflight," she murmured. "My daughter, you have no idea how much I wish Ravenwing and I could guide you through this part of your life. I'm so sorry for leaving you behind."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I opened my mouth to tell her it was okay, but the words died before they left my tongue. It's not okay. I wanted to scream it as I watched my parents turn and walk away from me, gradually fading into transparency till all they left behind was a faint dusting of silver along the ground. ''It's not okay, I'm not okay! Come back, please--I need you.''

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Then the landscape of my dream changed. I was suddenly standing on an isolated, unfamiliar stretch of moor, the wind buffeting my fur and stinging my eyes. I turned in a slow circle, and felt my heart stop as I made out the silhouette of a cat making his way towards me. The cat who, whether I was aware of it or not, had also been the recipient of my plea, the cat I knew I needed more than anyone on Earth.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Ryan.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">It was a dream, and I knew it, but my mind and heart knew him so well that I had created a perfect model of him in my thoughts. Seeing him like this, so life-like, so real, for the first time since he'd left... It was like having a boulder thrown at me. I could see every speck of amber in his golden eyes, every familiar scruff in his fur. His scent washed over me, and want rose up so strongly in me that it ached in my chest.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">He stopped just a few tail-lengths in front of me. Despite everything, I felt myself rooted to the ground, unable to move, to rush at him like I wished I could do. "Breezeflight," he whispered.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Why?" I said. "Why did you leave me?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"I had to," he said. "But I made a mistake." Panic entered his voice. "It was a trap, a trap of my own mind--I fell for it. I thought if I left, the visions wouldn't come true, that I was saving you. But I did the worst thing I could possibly do, didn't I? I left you when you needed me. You're never going to forgive me for that."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Silence stretched between us. Suddenly he didn't seem so life-like or so beautiful. Suddenly he seemed paper-thin, his excuses dull and stupid next to the pain he'd put me through without him.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Are you?" he asked softly.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I took a deep breath. "No," I said quietly. He flinched, and then, as if my word had been a gust of wind, he began to disintegrate. I watched him vanish into thin air, and then I flew upwards and woke from my dream so suddenly that I startled Bluebird, who was sitting in the medicine cat's den alongside me.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">He stared at me in surprise. "You're awake." Then, "You're crying."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"No, I'm not." My words got lost along the way in a sob, and he walked over to me and pulled me to him. I was surprised by the gesture, but too distraught to care. I collapsed against him, burying my face in his blue-gray fur and letting my tears drench his pelt.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"She's going to be okay," he murmured in my ear, and for a second I wondered who he was talking about; all I could see in my mind was Ryan, I had been so close but so far.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Then I remembered Minkears, and at once felt like a horrible friend. I turned to the brown-furred she-cat, fast asleep in one of the nests the medicine cats always furnished for long-term patients. "Has she woken up yet?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Bluebird's eyes clouded. "No," he admitted. "But Blossomleaf says to give it time. She doesn't want to rush her, in case her body is trying to heal any dangerous unseen trauma." He was clearly trying to sound knowledgable and assured, but his voice cracked.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Is it wrong that I'm glad Rabbitfur's dead and not her?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Of course not. She's your friend, and he tried to kill you."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I stared at Bluebird. He was looking at Minkears with such tenderness in his expression, such pure intent... If only he could see into my dark mind, he would know we weren't on the same track at all. Of course I was glad because I wanted Minkears to survive, but I was also glad because... well, because I wanted Rabbitfur to die. I hadn't thought I did. I was angry with Odessa and I hated her once I knew what she'd done, setting fire to the camp for her own selfish reasons, but I'd thought Rabbitfur was just guilty of cowardice, of not sticking up to his mate and telling her they couldn't destroy the Clans for their family. Seeing him under the tree branch, though, I had felt such a savage wave of relief, almost borderline happiness. It terrified me.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"We fought." Bluebird's voice jolted me out of my thoughts. "She screamed at me for screaming at you. You know, about Duskwatcher." He looked past being embarrassed; utterly crushed was more like it. "Maybe you were right, maybe it was some sort of apparition or my brother's ghost who attacked you in the woods that night. Whatever it was, my brother's honor wasn't worth it. If she dies... if she doesn't come back... I will never forgive myself for what I've done."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"It's not your fault. I was yelling about your dead brother trying to attack me," I said gently. "No one can blame you for getting defensive."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Bluebird didn't reply. His eyes were locked on Minkears again. I glanced down at my friend, at her barely moving flanks, and thought that if she stopped breathing, Bluebird would too--he was so closely tied to her existence. I bent my head, touched my nose to Minkears' forehead, and whispered, soft enough so Bluebird couldn't hear, "Live. Do you hear me? You have to live."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Then I padded out of the medicine cat's den, unable to bear Bluebird's grief on top of my own.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Outside, the camp was in shambles. The Order was temporarily forgotten in the wake of a greater grief, and I knew every cat was wondering how many would die before things would become right again. Dewfrost sat outside the leader's den, looking exhausted and weak. I approached him tentatively. "Are you okay?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Hollystrike's okay," he said.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I blinked. "What?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"The GreenClan deputy Viperstar banished. They were hunting her down, but I helped her hide... That's where I've been... I should've been back here, protecting all of you."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"There isn't anything you could've done," I said gently. "This Hollystrike, do you think she could be of help if we wanted to overthrow the Order? Does she have enough influence with the GreenClan cats?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">My former mentor eyed me suspiciously. "Probably not, not after her banishment. Why? Are you planning an uprising, Breezeflight? Because if you are going to try yet again to get yourself killed--"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"I'm not going to be killed. I'm going to change some things."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Dubiously, Dewfrost said, "There are some things you can't change, Breezeflight."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I stared at him in shock. "What are you talking about? Don't you want to get rid of GreenClan?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"I want to shake the bindings of the Order. But first and foremost, I want to protect our Clan. After the fire, after all these killings, a rebellion would only bring more chaos. I don't know whose side anyone is on anymore. It's different when your enemy eats your prey, hunts alongside you--haven't you seen Brightpaw, your own apprentice, hanging around with those GreenClan apprentices? When we fought Claron and the rogues, we were fighting for our Clanhood, for the warrior code and everything we are. When we fight GreenClan, we are using flames to fight a fire that burns just as bright."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I stumbled back, unable to believe my own ears. "You're crazy."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Excuse me?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"GreenClan is going to destroy us. SpringClan and GreenClan are not on the same level. We would never subdue another group of cats like this."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"But we would drive them out and cost them a home," pointed out Dewfrost.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Outraged, I yelled, "We were here first!"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">My words sounded childish, and I realized it the moment they left my mouth. "So you want the Order, then? You like it?" I sneered at Dewfrost.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"I don't want the Order, I want order. I don't want mayhem. Cats die when order is lost, Breezeflight. You cannot stage a rebellion. Not now. We need to find the killer of Hawkeye and Thornfeather--whether it is Duskwatcher come back from the dead or another cat. We need to put Odessa on trial for the murder of Mimsie and the attempted murder of Viperstar-"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Like I care whether Viperstar dies," I interjected.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Be sensible-"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"No, Dewfrost. How about you be brave? I won't let SpringClan fall."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Then why are you ripping out its foundations?" he snapped, clearly fighting the urge to shout at me.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I couldn't muster the energy to listen to him anymore. I was sick of watching SpringClan cats die. I was sick of watching my Clan become something Oakstar would've been ashamed and heartbroken to see, had he still been alive. And I was losing respect for Dewfrost--I wanted to do something, to take back what had been taken from us, and all he wanted to do was twiddle his paws and make treaties with Viperstar over mice and voles, regardless of the SpringClan blood that was being spilled so quickly, I was surprised the camp wasn't flooded in scarlet already.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">A warrior would not let this happen. I glanced around the camp, searching for Fire, Cammy, and Specklenose. It was time to take matters into my own paws.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">- - - -

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Brightpaw trained for so long, she hardly noticed when she toppled out of an oak tree's highest branch. Actually, she did notice--but only when she hit the ground.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">She was exhausted. She had shadow-hopped so many times she felt as if she were as insubstantial as shadow herself. But she would rather drive herself to inexistance than go back to the camp in the state it was in now.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">A bush rustled nearby, and Brightpaw got to her paws; it could be prey, and a meal might lend her enough energy to shadow-hop a few more times.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">But it was a cat who stepped out of the bush. Gorsepaw.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Hey," he said.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Brightpaw froze. "How long have you been there?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Long enough to see you fall from the tree. Are you okay?" His forehead creased with worry.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">She felt shaky, jittery; she couldn't keep still, even though her body felt ready to break apart if she kept moving. "Did you see anything else?" ''Does he know about my abilities? Does he know about the powers of legend?''

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"No. What else was there to see?" He looked curious now.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Brightpaw fought off the ridiculous urge to tell him. He was a GreenClan cat, no matter how nice he may seem. There was no way she could clue in the enemy to her abilities, especially considering the fact that one third of the trio of legendaries wasn't even here. She felt a sudden, irrational, random surge of anger at Ryan, the tom who had broken her mentor's heart and abandoned the Clan who had taken him and his sisters in when they needed help.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">But back to Gorsepaw--even if she did tell him about shadow-hopping, he would think she was crazy unless she proved it. And she felt way too sick and tired to do so one more time.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">So she just shrugged at him. "Nothing. I just blacked out for a second."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"You look absolutely exhausted."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"I am. I've been training all day."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Why?" Gorsepaw asked. "Are you... are you trying to forget what we saw? Thornfeather, Hawkeye... their bodies?"

"I'm trying to forget a lot of things, Gorsepaw."

He laughed bitterly. "So am I. My brother's death being among them."

There was a long silence that only occurs when the word "death" is uttered in the presence of cats who are all too familiar with the concept, during which Brightpaw could only think of a mad dog and a Twoleg with a firestick, could only see a cream she-cat with silky fur, splayed out in a clearing, dead and gone for good... Daisyheart, StarClan, how she missed her old mentor.

"I hate it. I hate its permanence, its cruelty, it abruptness," said Gorsepaw, so savagely he startled her.

Then she joined in. "I hate its lack of discrimination. I hate how it doesn't wait for you to finish, it just snatches you away."

"I hate the stars in the sky. I hate how cats pretend that because there are balls of white light in the sky, it doesn't hurt as much that the cats you loved are gone," said Duckpaw.

Brightpaw was almost yelling now, tears coursing down her cheeks. It felt awful to hear Duckpaw's words, which were practically blasphemy against StarClan--but it felt good too, to scream at the silent stars that had never offered her any guidance or hope. "I hate leaders! Why do they get nine lives? Quailstar's crazy and Viperstar's a killer, and they get eight more lives than everyone I love does! Why?"

"I hate fire, I hate how it burns, I hate the heat... I want it cold, I want it numb, I want it to end..." Gorsepaw's voice died away into nothing, and Brightpaw caught him as he slumped forward. She still felt weak, and she staggered under his weight, slowly letting the both of them sink to the ground. She curled against him, and he wrapped his tail around her as they were enveloped in their own paroxysms of grief, in their own could've-beens, in their own impenetrable cocoons of loss.

- - - -

As the sun set that evening, I marched out into the middle of the camp. Bluebird, Specklenose, Cammy and Fire flanked me, their jaws clenched grimly. I held a branch in my jaws, and I dragged it behind me, drawing a long line in the dirt.

"Cats of SpringClan!" I yowled.

Silence fell almost at once. Cats poked their heads out of their dens, staring at me in bewilderment. Viperstar emerged from the leader's den, Dewfrost right behind him--and then, to my utter shock, Quailstar. Seeing my old leader looking bedraggled and half-insane reminded me why I was doing this. I avoided Dewfrost's questioning, pleading gaze.

"The time has come for everyone to make their decision. We cannot belong to a regime we don't support. If you cross this line and stand to my right side, you are against the Order--you are saying you want the old Clans back, you want the real warrior code upheld. If you stay on the left... well, save your groveling for him." I nodded at Viperstar, who looked enraged.

"Stop her! Someone grab her, pin her down!" he shouted, but my friends moved in front of me, and the GreenClan gaurds step back, clearly not wanting to contend with all of us at once.

Then a small orange-and-white she-cat stepped forward. It was Brightpaw. My apprentice looked at me for a long moment--and then she crossed the line. She stood on my right.

A murmur ran through the crowd. Viperstar's eyes were blazing, but he knew if he tried to stop me, the entire crowd would be on the right before he could do anything.

The cats began to divide--and to my shock, it wasn't just SpringClan cats who joined the side against the Order. A gray GreenClan apprentice ran across the line to stand beside Brightpaw, who gave him a reassuring lick on the ear. I saw Odessa skulking at the edges of the camp, clearly realizing that neither side wanted her; she had lost her position of honor with Viperstar, and she would never be forgiven on our side. I might've felt sorry for her, but one look at Quailstar's vacant eyes, empty because of the way she had lost lives over and over again in the fire Odessa had instigated, and I hated Odessa just as much as I ever had.

The division was over. Most cats had split down the line. I couldn't judge numbers too well, but my side looked bigger; more cats were against the Order then were for it.

Only a few cats remained stationary; they hadn't chosen yet, or were refusing to choose. Dewfrost was among them. He looked right at me, gesturing with his tail at the two groups of cats, staring each other down with their hackles bristling and their teeth bared.

"Breezeflight," he said, so quietly that I was surprised I could even hear him, "what have you done? You've started a war you can't control."

The End