Talk:What if Bluestar kept her kits?/@comment-34633311-20151222201309

Spoilers

As mentioned before, this is an interesting concept. I did find that it went a little fast but that's okay. Some of it was slightly unrealistic - how could Bluefur jump on Thistleclaw and then deal the killing blow within a sentence? I felt that could've had a bit more detail.

The dialogue was kind of hard for me to understand. One thing I suggest is that you separate the dialogue into seperate paragraphs, like how it's listed below:

"Hi, Snowstar!"

"Hi, Moonpaw!"

See how you can tell who's speaking? I'd suggest putting something like that in but with your own dialogue :)

Overall, it was a nice read!

End Spoilers