Talk:Glowing/@comment-27725192-20160706172732

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For the commenting project I've been assigned to give feedback on this :)

Chapter 1
Comments = I really like this kit :) I'm wondering what her relationship with Snowkit will be later on. Plus, I think Burrowkit likes her as he called her beautiful though kits may not know about that yet ;P

Concerns = My only concern for this chapter is that maybe you might want to extend it as I only have one paragraph to comment and criticize. I feel as though chapters 1-5 can all fit in one chapter.

Chapter 2
Comments = So this is Snowpaw? Hmm I feel as though Snowpaw is the loud, rambunctious, rebellious one while Goldenpaw is obedient and determined; I may be wrong. I think Snowpaw will be the Squirrelflight and Goldenpaw the Leafpool.

Concerns = I don't mean any offense but this chapter is quite hard to understand. For one, I should've mentioned this in Chapter 1 concerns but add a new paragraph each dialogue. It seems like Snowpaw wants battle training and the topic changes, and suddenly Poppyflower yowls "You aren't ready to battle!"

Again, no offense but it does need extra paragraphs for dialogues, clearing up, and expanding.

Chapter 3
Comments = Awww no Burrowpaw and Goldenpaw? Oh well. Yeesh Swanpaw you don't have to be like that to Snowpaw-wait OH.NO. A branch? Here's hoping it falls on Swanpaw rather than Snowpaw.

Concerns = As well as the other chapters, even though you told the readers at the beginning, it would be helpful to list who's perspective. Like, for instance: ==Chapter 3 ~ Goldenpaw== Like that.

Chapter 4
Comments = Whoa yes! Swanpaw gets yelled at whoohoo! Poor Swanpaw...she has to be okay!

Concerns = Again, new paragraph for dialogue. Since it's switching to Poppyflower do:

Poppyflower P.O.V

When it's back to Snowpaw, do:

Snowpaw P.O.V

You don't have to do that but it does organize the chapters.

I'll be commenting on more chapters soon as this comments is getting quite long :)

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