Talk:Shadows of the Dark/@comment-17759525-20150315200532

(Competition post.)

SPOILERS

PROLOGUE

You set an interesting stage here; already I’m wondering what kind of stupid cats would want to steal kits, of all things. At least the cats are trying to get them back; kits are adorable and valuable.

The battle moves kind of extremely quickly; maybe you could try to add more detail to it? I’m honestly kind of confused – why did Nightleap kill Applewhisker? A little bit more information would be nice…

This is an extremely violent Clan. Wait, this – oh, this is during the canon battle of BloodClan?

If I may be frank, this prologue kind of confuses me. I’m not really sure what all is supposed to be happening, but I guess it’s not done yet, either. You do have some grammatical mistakes – for instance, you switch tense a lot, from past to present to back again. I don’t know; I guess it might make more sense once it’s all finished.

CHAPTER ONE

Ah, classic kit loyalty and ambition. It’s pretty cute how they’re all convinced that their own Clan is the best Clan, just because it’s their Clan.

(Grammar police cat…? Okay then.)

Wait, how did they get as far as the WindClan border in that short a time? Try adding some more detail in there. I don’t even know how they got out of camp without being seen.

More kit trouble. Poor little furballs. At least they’re okay.

This is cute. It could use some more description, though, and there are a couple of minor grammatical mistakes in this chapter, too. Anyways, remind me sometime if you update it, and I can comment on some of the later chapters, too, if you want.

END SPOILERS