User blog:Stareh/Meow?

I was gonna post this blog last night, but there was a serious of unfortunate events and I was really mad so I forgot... xD anyways, happy Easter for all y'all folks, and all I have to say for April fools day, is watch your back. >:3

ANYWAYS, the real point of the blog is a rant to tell you guys the story of how I locked my entire family out of our house, with the car keys inside, so we were literally stranded in our yard. ...and how I had to scale nine feet to get into our house.

So.

3 PM.

My father hands me his car keys, says "go take the bag of food out to my car".

As I reach for the bag of food, my mom says, "oh no I'll get that Em (yes my name is Emily so 'Em' throughout this is me)". So I said "okay" and set the keys next to the bag for her.

I'm done getting ready, go to join my mother and sister outside. We chat for a few minutes and my father comes out, closing and locking the door behind him. The second the door closes he asks, "you guys have my keys right?". We all look at each other.

"....no"

"......Em, do you have your house key?"

"no....."

"....Liz (my mother), do you have your car keys?"

"no...."

"....well d*mn, HOW THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO GET INTO THE HOUSE?"

"......."

So we all sit around for a few minutes, wondering what the hell to do. My dad simply sits fuming on the porch steps, while my mom and I and my sister walk around the house, trying to find a way to break in. Unfortunately my father is big on homeland security and all our doors and windows and locked tight and shut.

SO. Me and my mother walk around for a bit, and she pauses and says "I think the only window we have unlocked is the bathroom window", which I immediately was like "we're screwed", because our bathroom window is eight feet off the ground at least.

As you all (should) know I am short. Extremely short. Like, five foot tall short. As is my mother. So my mom wheels the grill around to the side of the house under the window, pats it, says "climb on". I knew it was going to end with me on my face on the ground, but I did end up climbing onto this grill. It was about three feet too short, I couldn't even touch the windowsill.

We look around the yard for a minute and she goes and comes back with our burn barrel, turns it upside down, puts it under the window, tells me "climb up :D"

"good Gandhi.."

But I did; still too short, though this time I can touch the windowsill. So my mom walks across the street to our neighbors, me and sister trailing. She asks my neighbor if we can borrow a ladder. He asks why and she tells him we locked ourselves out - he's laughing his ass off as he gives us his ladder

We put the ladder under the window, and I'm the only one who can go up - my sister is too little, she'd fall and break her neck, my mom is too heavy. In the meantime, my father is at the front door, using my sister's bobby pings to try to unlock the front door. (spoiler alert - he fails miserably.)

I climb up this eight or nine feet up this big ass ladder (thankfully I'm not afraid of heights so I really wasn't like hyperventilating up there. I actually kind of liked it up there o3o) so once I'm at the top of this ladder I'm like "OKAY MOM WHAT THE HELL DO I DO" and she tells me to pull off the screen. That takes about ten minutes cus it's like, rusted in the window pane, and I'm afraid if I pull it out with too much force I'm gonna fall backwards off the ladder. So I have to lean on the house as I pull off this screen for the window. I finally I get it off, and practically drop it on my sister's head. *nod*

So now I have to get the window OPEN, which takes me a while, cus there's no easy way to open it from the outside, nothing to grip to pull. So I have to like, lift it up, let it crack open and then fit my fingers through that and pull it open. idk it was weird, hard to explain. anyways. I FINALLY GET THIS FUDGING WINDOW OPEN :D and now here's the hard part.

This window is about two feet tall and a foot wide and I have to fit all the way through it, balanced on a ladder, the edge of the roof a foot above the top of the window. My only thought is "how am I going to do this without dying or maiming myself"

Oh, and here's even more fun - there's a five foot drop to the ground after you get through the window, so if I just fall through my face is going to be smashed open

It takes me like, five tries to fit my body through. I tried to go head-first - didn't work. So eventually I got up the nerve to step one rung up so I can fit one leg through so I'm sideways in this window, half-in and half-out

Now as I've got one foot still on this ladder, the other one in the bathroom, my mother says "CAN I TAKE THE LADDER AWAY NOW" and before I can answer it's gone, so I'm balanced on this windowpane, still half-out. I call down to her "WHAT THE F*CK DO I DO, FALL TO MY DEATH NINE FEET OR BREAK MY NECK FROM FIVE FEET" (and I quote, those were my exact words)

My mom shakes her head and goes "just get the damned front door unlocked" I'm like yeah thanks for your encouragement.

So I finally get the foot thats inside my bathroom onto the bathtub and I'm like "FAWK YEAH", swing the rest of my body inside, and hit the ground like a fawking baws. I stick my head out the window to look down at my mom and go "THAT IS HOW YOU BREAK INTO YOUR OWN HOUSE!" and do a little fist pump. She rolled her eyes and went to give the ladder back to our neighbor.

I close the window, skip to my front door (note: I don't skip, ever), grab everyone's set of keys, swing the front door open all dramatic and say "DADDY LOOK I GOT THE DOOR OPEN IMMA NINJA"

But he's still pissed at me for locking us out in the first place so he just grabs his keys and storms off..

And then we went to my grandparents house where I recounted this story to my various uncles aunts grandparents and cousins. *nod*

SO THAT WAS MY EASTER ADVENTURE :D I hope none of you had to risk your necks by climbing nine feet in the air, but if you did, hey, I feel ya.

Have fun pigging out on Easter candy today, erryboddeh, and for April fools day - game on, I say! >:)

Stareh out~ 14:26, April 1, 2013 (UTC)