Talk:The First/@comment-5848758-20131109192028

SPOILER

Whoa, that beginning! It sucked me in like a vaccum cleaner. The tension...Oh, it was so good! And you're very good at creating personalities, like Frost's slight snarkiness and Cream's Queen Bee.

But, there are a few complaints.

Firstly, as much as I enjoyed the prologue, you did repeat words several times, like 'wave', 'water' and 'shore'. Use a theasaurus if you find this difficult.

Secondly, I feel that sometimes you're rushing. You skirted over the bit about finding Falcon, and I'd love your chapters to be longer as they are quite short.

And lastly, you often mention cats doing things they can't do, like grinning (you used this multiple times) and blushing. Cats can do neither of these things.

I did enjoy reading this so I'll be waiting for updates! Overall Rating: 7/10