Talk:Firestar(Part 1)/@comment-5488450-20130114030808

Okai, Arti. Now I think you should know that I REALLY badly had to go, but I read this first, then went to the bathroom before coming to comment. TMI but I need you to know how devoted and in love I am with this seris ;)

I LOVED it as always. You switched back and forth between the two scenes at the PERFECT timing so that we would have to continue on. There is something lurking but we obviouly wont find out for a while. I love the way you managed to hide something about Roawnfur from Brookfall but she is too worreid and tired to notice it.

I did find a few places with words that I might reccomend fixing. The first was "What else is there to feel when you're perfect tom told you he can't live without you?" I think you used the wrong foorm of 'your' or maybe not, but I got a wee bit confused there.

Also, there was this part:

"The plan was simple. Pretend to be returning from a spying trip to WaterClan. It would take a day to travel to their Main Camp and by then, they would be able to sneak in and kill Firestar by the moonlight.

The plan was simple. Enacting it was not."

You used the same sentence to open two consecutive parapraphs. It kinda trips up the flow a bit.

It was still great though. I love the drama, tension and I AM PREPARED TO WATCH THEM OWN FIRESTAR!

Also, PLEASE WRITE THE NEXT ONE. MOI CANT WAIT :D

And, I must point out I LOVED the part at the end where you were like, "I'm just a she-cat from the farthest reaches of WaterClan territory with no particular skill or talents. I'm not smart like Adderscar, brave like Gorsefur, strong like Oakclaw, or even pretty like Silverflower. I have nothing going for me except for the fact that Gorsefur likes me." I might reccomed adding that she may not have those traits like them, but she had friendship... I STILL LOVE IT. You sort of capped all their personilites into a bottle and how much she admires each of them, even Silverflower xD

So yeah. This is THE priotrity of my life. Even over #2 xD