Talk:The Forbidden Files/@comment-1333071-20111231224520

Okay- when I couldn't figure out your coding I did some of my own and left the story intact. It's now neatly divided into sections and now you have a table of contents as well, which updates on its own.

Just something else I noticed- your story is good, it has depth, but there were many grammar mistakes as well. You used commas where you shouldn't have (referred to as a "comma splice") and, in some places, commas were left out. I didn't fix any of your grammar, because it's your story.

Also, you used phrases that should be single words- the example I can think of at the moment is "never the less," which should be "nevertheless."

A third thing I noticed was the narration- I love your writing style, by the way, I think i mentioned that before. In Rainpaw's point of view, you had him narrating a story in present tense, which calls for a current story in all respects, which means no added-in hints towards the future. (I mean, you can have clues for a mystery and foreshadowing, but...) The "little did I know" and everything after it needs to be changed to something else. Also, in Frostpaw's section, you had some past tense mixed with present tense- is present tense new for you? I had trouble switching to it and I have trouble switching back- that you should change to avoid confusion. (In in addition, the phrase "Yes, tonight, my destiny would be lay out for me" needs to be changed to "Yes, tonight, my destiny will be lain out for me".)

You did a great job displaying Ravenpaw as a cocky know-it-all with a somewhat abusive mentor, as I could draw from the story, but the beginning of his section is extremely confusing and I had to read it a couple of times to realize that they were hunting as a pair and missed their target.

Another few notes- "mourning" is spelled without a "u" in all countries (Brits and Australians spell things differently), so unless you mean "mourning" as in grieving for a lost loved one, I suggest changing it. It's fun how you leave some words out, but you need to add some words in or it doesn't make sense. In Dustpaw's chapter (in the same paragraph as "mourning" above) Reedjaw tells him to "Chew into a pulp." You need to add the word this to make that particular phrase make sense. That's the only real problem I noticed with that. And, following the rules of grammar, you need to break up your paragraphs. Every new paragraph is made when A) A new character speaks, B) A new event happens and C) Your current paragraph is getting too long.

If you need any more help, don't be afraid to ask here. :) I'll get back ASAP. This comment was actually a lot longer than I intended it to be. Sorry, lol