A Memory of Lost Love

 A MEMORY OF LOST LOVE

Episode Two, Season Seven, of Rise.

Enjoy <3

A Memory of Lost Love
''When Analese first met Elena, she was six moons old, rummaging through trash and trying to find prey to eat. Her parents were doing stocks and so no one was home to watch her, so Analese took the time to try to fill her empty stomach as she waited for her parents to come home. She was small for six moons and looked so thin I could see every single one of her ribs.''

''My own stomach ached a little in sympathy as I remembered the hungry days I had when trying to feed both myself and my three sisters. Cloud and Sara had done their best to find extra prey for us after they traded stocks, but more often than not I went to sleep hungry and miserable.''

''“Hey!” Analese had been hunting in a garden, trying to catch some of the birds that liked to peck at the seeds on the floor here. “You’re trampling those plants!”''

''The light brown she-cat jerked back, surprised by the interruption. The bird squawked and flew into the air, and the light brown she-cat leaped, trying to catch it before it escaped. She only grazed the underside and came down with only a feather.''

''“You ruined my catch!” Analese whirled on the light gray she-cat, who only looked a bit bigger than she did. “That would have been the first full meal I’ve had in days.”''

''Elena’s eyes had widened; it was obvious she hadn’t considered the factors of people going hungry at such a young age. “Those are my plants,” she explained, gesturing with her tail at the stalks behind Analese, “those are rare plants too, so I can’t let you destroy them. I’m sorry about the bird though.”''

''Analese frowned and looked at the stalks, sniffing them carefully. They had a sharp scent and she didn’t recognize the spiky leaves and the red tinge. “Are they safe?” She wrinkled her nose, “What do they do?”''

“They cure bellyaches,” the she-cat said, “they’re the best here in the Twolegplace.”

''Analese shrugged and backed a little away so as to avoid stepping on them and crushing them more than she might have while hunting. “Well, that’s nice.” She shuffled past the she-cat, intending to try another garden and see if she could catch something else before the night was over. But the gray she-cat stopped her with her tail. Analese glanced at her curiously, wary at the stranger’s presence.''

“What’s your name?” The gray she-cat asked, “I’m Elena.”

''“I’m Analese,” the light brown tabby replied curtly, intending to shrug off the touch and keep going. She didn’t particularly care who the she-cat was, only that she had ruined her catch and now Analese had to find another.''

“Do you want to come to my den?” Elena offered, “I have extra prey there.”

''Analese stared at her, shocked at how easily this stranger was offering her food. She was instantly suspicious, wondering if the she-cat knew how to make poison remedies, but realized there was sincerity in the she-cat’s gaze. Elena gestured again at the herbs. “I just need to pick some and deliver it to the family who needs it, but after you can come and I can give you prey. My family has more than enough.”''

''The she-cat was kind, Analese realized, kinder than any of the Twolegplace cats she had ever encountered. Nobody she knew would ever help their neighbors, nevertheless get to even know them. The kindness moved her, and she dipped her head in consent.''

~

“She was the kindest she-cat anyone could ever meet in the Twolegplace,” Analese shakes her head, drawing out of her memories, “It’s not a wonder everyone fell a little bit in love with her.”

I can only imagine. My heart aches at the thought of this gentle she-cat suffering because of the Blood Army and their need for cruelty and suppression. Elena hadn’t been meant for the Twolegplace life; she deserved to have lived in the forest, where everything was fairer if you lived on the right side of the border. But I shake myself ruefully, thinking of the Vipers and how many things were wrong there too.

“I wish I had met her,” I admit, “I’m not surprised our paths never crossed, but I wish we had met.”

Analese gives me a small smile. “The two of you would have been fast friends. But yes, Elena only roamed in a certain portion of the Twolegplace because of her father’s influence. And she only lived to be thirteen moons old.”

Thirteen moons. She had been so young when she died. I can’t help but feel a pang of deep loss at such a life being taken. Of course, I had known that already from what Analese shared about Aleric, but it is easy to forget their shared history.

Karina looks heartsick. “I can see why you were so upset to have learned about her death,” she murmurs, “for someone like that to be…” She doesn’t have to finish her sentence.

Analese’s gaze softens. “As much as I hated Aleric in those initial months after Elena’s death, I realized that he also had no choice. Elena would have suffered horribly under the Blood Army’s paws, and the only way he could spare her that pain was give her a quick death. She was destined to die young the moment she and her father decided they would defy the Blood Army.” Her gaze slides to me momentarily and I glance away, aware that perhaps I had gotten lucky that the Blood Army hadn’t come for me and my sisters.

Terran runs his tail along my flank and I lean into him, glad he is here. Karina still looks crestfallen. “I wish I could believe in faced with that choice now, Aleric wouldn’t have killed her.” She sighs, glancing at the floor. “But I don’t know.”

Analese takes a step towards Karina, her eyes certain. “No, you’re right; there is a good chance if given the choice now, Aleric would still kill Elena. But that’s because his love for her didn’t run deep enough. They were young and stupid, too young to understand the consequences they faced for loving each other. But Karina, Aleric did have a choice this time, much like last time, and he chose you.”

Karina glares at Analese, her eyes lighting with sudden anger. “He wasn’t going to kill me. That’s the difference. If he had to choose between letting me die by his claws or letting me suffer at the Blood Army’s paws, could you honestly say he’d choose me?”

Analese isn’t fazed. Terran and I exchange a horrified glance. I haven’t ever thought of the question. By the look of pain on Karina’s face, it is obvious she has been thinking about this all night, or maybe even since Analese had first told her about Elena.

“Karina,” Terran says, “he did choose you.”

His sister whirls on him, opening her mouth to spit back retorts, but Terran raises his tail to stop her. “Remember Myrick? Aleric thought he’d kill you so he let Myrick take him prisoner. Then he chose over and over again to kill those High Committee members so they wouldn’t take you and hurt you. So yes, Karina, he probably could have killed you and earned his way back into the High Committee but he didn’t choose that.”

Whatever the dark gray she-cat was going to say dies on her tongue. She falters, her golden eyes filling with sudden anguish. She turns away, looking caged.

Analese presses against her in comfort. I tense, waiting for Karina to push the other she-cat off, but to my surprise, she leans into the touch instead, closing her eyes. “He loved you,” Analese says softly, “I wasn’t here to witness it, but I don’t doubt it. When he had been here helping us find prey, Aleric had one constant that he focused on and it was you.”

After letting Karina gather her emotions, Analese steps away. “Come on,” she waves her tail, “let me show you where she lived.”

She leads us down several paths in the Twolegplace, and I don’t recognize most of it. It is true the Twolegplace is rather large, and I had kept to my side, not wanting to venture too far from the shack so I could always return before night fell. Elena lived really far from where I did; it is no wonder we never met.

“She seemed like a lot like you,” Terran murmurs into my ear as we walk. He is watching where Karina and Analese are talking, and I briefly wonder what they might be saying. Then I feel ridiculous because I have no doubt they’re discussing Elena and Aleric, the love they had for one another, and of course, the love Aleric had for Karina.

“I know,” I sigh, feeling the loss of the she-cat quite strongly for someone who hasn’t met her, “I think I would have been great friends with her.”

“She would have enjoyed a life in the forest,” Terran agrees, “The Twolegplace was broken in many ways.”

I glance at him, “So was the forest,” I remind him, “the Vipers had been just as large of a menace as the Blood Army. They were just more open about it.”

Terran winces, but I press against him to make sure he knows I am not angry about the comparison. He is right; the Twolegplace is a harsh place to live, more so when the Blood Army had been around. Elena had still thrived though, believing in herself and the act of helping others.

Aleric must have fallen hard for her.

“He had a type,” I muse, “strong she-cats who care deeply for others and wish to do the most they can to save the world.”

“You sure?” Terran nuzzles me, teasing, “Then he should have fallen in love with you.”

I laugh and push him off. “Don’t be silly. Only you are crazy enough to fall for someone like me.”

Terran rolls his eyes but touches his nose to mine. “I’m glad he didn’t fall in love with you. Then we would have to fight about it and I would lose.”

For all our humor, I feel the familiar ache of loss for the dark brown tom. He and Karina had deserved happiness out of all of us, and they never got a chance for it. Despite all their hardships, they had found each other and healed each other. I wish he could have grown old living outside of the Coalition with us, leaving behind the bloody childhood he had and have kits of his own.

“He would have been a good father,” I say out loud, “I wish I let him meet Emerald and Jewel besides the brief moments they had been in our den. He would have loved them.”

Terran gives me a serious look. “You can’t keep wishing for things that won’t happen,” he reminds me, “Aleric was perspective. He saw your love for your siblings; I’m sure he saw what great cats they are. And yes, I wish with all my life that he could have had kits with Karina and raised them, but if we hold onto that thought, we’ll never have peace.”

“I know,” I say despairingly, “but I just wished he could have been happy.”

Terran looks where Karina is walking besides Analese. “He was happy,” Terran tells me, “There is no doubt about it.”

~

''Elena was always helping others, catching extra prey and giving it to families who couldn’t feed themselves. She treated all the sick cats, using her immense knowledge of herbs to find plants in the Twolegplace that would cure them of their illnesses. Everyone who crossed paths with Elena found a friend in her, and nobody wished her ill intent.''

''Except for the Blood Army. Because of her father’s high status, Elena was watched carefully. The High Committee knew about her kindness and how she would help others, and wanted to use her to draw cats into the Blood Army’s system. But her father was adamant about keeping her daughter out of it. Even though she did do stocks, trading rare herbs with the Blood Army when she didn’t need them, Elena was otherwise very set apart from the Blood Army’s society.''

''When her father was suspected of treachery, the High Committee had decided that they would find out by following his daughter. It was nearly impossible to keep a watch on her father; he was good at being evasive and had so many contacts it was hard to keep track. So they sent Aleric, their best recruit, to pry the information out of her.''

''Elena had been suspicious of the dark brown tom at first, wondering why he was so fit and not too scrawny to be someone who claimed to be starving and in need of food. ''

“I offered him a job of helping me find herbs,” Elena had told Analese, “but I’m not sure I made the right choice.”

“Let me meet him,” Analese had urged, “I can help you judge his character and see if he’s trustworthy or not.”

So Elena had agreed, but didn’t get the chance until much later to introduce her two friends.

''When she finally found an opening to bring Analese to meet Aleric, she realized she was starting to care for him. She found him funny, sweet, endearing; all qualities that she would ever want in a tom. ''

“I really hope you like him,” she told Analese fervently as they headed to her den that morning, “he’s really sweet and well…you’ll see.”

''Analese had raised her eyebrows, happy for Elena but albeit a bit skeptical. She couldn’t help but remember how hesitant her best friend had been about accepting the help of this tom, and now it seemed she was smitten with him.''

''At that moment, the dark brown tom showed up at the entrance of Elena’s den, his eyes immediately honing in on Analese. I could just imagine how focused he was, how he never missed any details.''

''“I was just talking about you!” Elena purred, beckoning to the tom. She touched her nose to his and he tensed from the contact. I wondered if Aleric had already known he would come to love her then.''

“This is Analese,” Elena gestured to her best friend, “Analese, this is Aleric.”

''Analese noted how stiff he was, but the tom put on a bland smile for her. “Hello,” Analese dipped her head in greeting, “Elena says you’re a very nice and well-mannered tom.”''

''“I can’t disagree,” Aleric replied, trying to joke. He started to relax a little bit and Analese saw him glance briefly at Elena.''

''Analese liked how he automatically looked for Elena, as if he couldn’t help but be drawn to her. She could tell he always sought her out with her eyes, aware of her every move. She liked how although he was nervous, he was still easygoing and very polite. Elena had made a fine choice, she thought.''

“As charming as Elena described,” she purred, happy with Elena’s choice for a tom, “you’ll be nice to Elena?”

''Aleric looked confused, as if he couldn’t fathom why he might not be. It made Analese like him even more. She could trust Elena with this tom.''

~

“Do you ever think about how wrong you were?” Karina asked, aware that she was now alone with Analese. Bryce and Terran had volunteered to go hunting, and she knew it would be awhile before the two came back. Hunting was better now in the Twolegplace, but still scarce.

Analese tipped her head. “I don’t think I was wrong.”

Karina flicked her ear in surprise. “You don’t? But you couldn’t trust Elena with Aleric; he killed her in the end.”

The light brown tabby laughed a little. “Well yes, I suppose you’re right in that department,” she smiled at Karina, “but he was smitten with her and I’m sure at the time, Aleric hadn’t thought about killing her. He confessed to me later, when he was here last time, that he hadn’t intended on killing her. He wanted to run away, after all, and probably planned that move since he fell in love with her. In that meeting, Karina, I saw how attracted he was to Elena.”

Karina felt the familiar pain of heartache. Hearing these stories of Aleric soothed her, because she finally got to see more of who he had been. But she wanted him here, next to her, telling her he loved her. She missed his green eyes, his cocky smirk, and his gentle caress when he was curled around her. Great StarClan she wished he never died.

Analese saw her struggling with her emotions. “I know you think his one great love was Elena, with everything I’ve told you, but I truly believed he loved you more than he could have ever loved another she-cat. Terran is right; he chose you over and over.”

Karina sighed. “He loved so wholly,” she murmured, “you could see that with Elena. It sounded as if he was going to die without her.”

“I think part of him did,” Analese said solemnly, “He was empty before he found you, Karina, and I am glad he did. You made him whole.”

Karina blinked away tears. “He made me whole.”

Analese touched her shoulder with the tip of her tail. “It will keep hurting,” she told the other she-cat, “but that doesn’t mean you need to love him any less. One day, it won’t hurt so much to think about him, and then when that day comes, you can let him go. I told you about Elena today because I think you can learn something about Aleric in that story. He was selfish and he made mistakes, but he atoned them when he loved you. You are his greatest love, and I think he would want you to live.”

“I’m alive,” Karina protested, “he died for me.”

“Yes,” Analese sat back, looking calm and so, so wise, “but I think he would want you to do more than just be alive. Death doesn’t have to be the end, Karina. When Elena died, it crippled me for a few moons and all I had wanted was to kill Aleric. And for moons, he was devoid of emotion, so broken from her death he thought he could only be one thing: the best recruit. But here we are, moons later, changed but healing. So live, Karina, because that’s what Aleric would have wanted you to do.”

Karina closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in. She wouldn’t let go of Aleric just yet; it was too soon for that, but she knew Analese was right. She wouldn’t hold onto her grief so tightly, and slowly, she exhaled, unraveling the pain she had felt since the night he died.

I love you, I love you, I love you. She told him, I will see you again.

Then she let go of her pain and opened her eyes, choosing life for the first time since his death.

The End.