Talk:What Hurts The Most ~ Avalanchepaw's Loss/@comment-4751506-20130326205754

This was really great for a first shot, Strike!

There were very few errors with your mechanics, which isn't a major portion of the judging, but still important! So good job with that, you had no misspellings or grammar screw-ups.

I did find a few problems that made it difficult to comprehend, and they really confused me. The beginning - I had almost no idea what was happening. I understood that there was a battle, and that Stormpaw had been killed, but it was really undefined - and who were those other cats? Dogpaw? Bravepaw? You mentioned they were siblings, but what was their significance to the story?

I also thought, at the beginning, that Stormpaw and Avalanchepaw were siblings, so maybe if that had been cleared up a little better, it would have been easier to understand.

Overall, this was really marvelous for a first try, but maybe define your paragraphs / prose a bit more, and slow down! I had so many questions by the second segment, and it's difficult to understand what you're reading if you have so many questions.

I give you a 6. :3