User blog:DayDreamyy Moo/I need help, don't I? :C

ok whoa there's been a lot of really sad blogs on WFW lately and I'm not trying to 'join the crowd' or copy everyone's mental disorders because obviously that's wrong but I do truly suffer from them.

I'll admit it.

Time for venting and backstories.

So the first one isn't self-diagnosed but rather professionally (I believe), and that's anxiety. Oh man. Anxiety is the ''worst. ''You feel like your friends are fake and you feel like no one loves you and it's full of worrying, pessimism (I have no idea how to spell that sorry), and a lot of over-thinking. I do actually see someone for it but the next appointment is in like a month so yeah.

One problem I have is that every time someone raises their voice at me, does the middle finger (*cough*mysiblings*cough*), or anything, I start crying. I do, it's a problem. I think it's because (this is a bit personal and I very rarely talk about it) is when I was about five or six years old there was this kid at my school who bullied me. No, not verbally, but physically. And physical bullying sucks. I was punched, kicked, bruised, battered, etc. My best friend at the time was a bossy and rude to me (she's not in Australia anymore, but she is much better and apologised). I ditched that best friend the very next year, and I sort of regret it since I did it so cold-heartedly.

I believe that bullying took a toll on me at such a young age.

Second thing, depression. I don't know how to explain this. I just... have it. It might be because the second time I was bullied (verbally, and online) was all because of my ex-best friend and... The Animal Jam editing community.

Animal Jam is a virtual world where you play as cute little animals, make friends, HAVE FUN!

No. That game? As silly as it sounds, it feels like that Animal Jam RUINED my life.

At the time I was playing AJ, I had a case of school refusal, I was sicker, sadder, etc. And that was also when I had my best friend (at the time).

I was also in the editing community. For those who know my YT channel (please don't put it here in the comments the editing is cringe), they will see a few seconds of certain parts of songs and I would edit to them (video-wise).

These were MEP parts. Multi Editor Project parts, to be exact.

And once I was defending someone and I got this giant paragraph on how terrible of a person I was and how my editing sucked and blah blah blah.

It broke me.

I cried for a solid 10 minutes.

It sounds a bit silly, looking back on it.

I know, I'm weak. I'm not even a 'badass Australian', we don't even have spiders, crocodiles, etc on this part of Aus.

And also, here comes the part I regret with all my heart. I had a bunch of online friends. My best-friend at the time was really 'rare' on AJ (she had lots of 'rare' items).

They wanted me to hack her account and give the items to them.

I couldn't do it!

It was because they knew she trusted me.

Long story short, my ex best friend was the one to hack me instead, and after a long fight between our mothers, I got the items back but... I made the mistake of telling some online friends. They told her off. And this was BEFORE she returned the items. And her reasons for taking those items were really stupid, might I add.

She exposed me. My ex best friend brought down a war on me. Everyone turned against me.

This year, I found new friends. Not that I'm super close with any of them.

There you have it.

The truth.

I am a horrible person. I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON.

Now, the next two are 'sub-types' of anxiety and depression. OCD and bipolar.

At this point, you might be like: "PFFT, what a damn liar!" but it's not exactly. It's the truth.

OCD first. So, as you can imagine, I am a perfectionist x100000000000000. But it's not just the odd, constant compulsion to watch your hands. No, OCD is SO much more than that.

OCD is hell. You get anxiety from little mistakes. It's terrible.

And the worst part is, people think OCD is a damn joke. It's not.

OCD is a very real disorder, and it makes me clench my fists when I hear people online claiming they have OCD when they don't even know what it's like and they only think that because they had to fix something that was bothering them.

I do. I have it. I know what it's like.

And the worst thing is when people make fun of it. I always do... OCD things at school. Checking, routines, fixing, refusal to touch certain things, etc.

And people think it's a joke. They're like: 'Haha, OCD much?' or 'Wow, stop being so annoying, not everything has to be perfect you know', etc.

I'll move on now.

Next one, bipolar.

Bipolar is a 'sub-type' of depression. You might've heard of it already, but in case you haven't, it's basically dramatic and unpredictable mood swings.

And it is the WORST. Like all these other disorders I have.

I also have something else, but it's not necessarily a disorder and I don't want this to get too personal.

And yes, I do take medication. One tablet for ALL of those, it works for all of those according to the psychologist who prescribed these to me.

But I didn't come here for attention.

I came here to vent and ask for help.

So, any suggestions?

I'll shut up now.

Love, Moo <3