User blog:Sandwich989/Worst. Day. Ever.

Ugghh, so I have this one thing to vent about. So since I cant tell anyone this without seeming weird, I decided that all you guys are really good at listening and giving advice, so yeah, here it is:

'''I know its long, but please read! Ive never felt worse in my life'''

First off this is important: I've been running with varsity for about 3 weeks now, and Im pretty high up there during our runs (as in I keep up and stay with them all). However, my coach labelled me a "border line" kid, someone who he was gonna be looking at during today's race to see if I can be on varsity or not.

So today right, I had my first cross country meet in almost 2 years (I ran freshman year, but it was really slow times. Sophomore year I broke my leg and was out for season, and Junior year I managed to not get any injuries, yet.) Anyway, the place we're running at is right in the middle-top of Industrial LA, it was at this recreational area, which was probably the only green area within 10 miles. Why is this important? Well, for those who dont live in big cities, being around cement and buildings, especially when the high for where i was was at 92* Fahrenheit (85* during my race), it gets EXTREMELY hot and dry.

So here I am, I was feeling good. No injuries, i was nervous but calmer than usual, and I was hydrating all day. Anyway, I start the race.

Immediately I'm feeling more and more fatigued, but thats normal for cross country runners and we're trained to deal with it. Now Im really not big on making excuses for myself, but I will say that it was extremely hot and I shouldnt have done as horrible as I did, but still...Anyway, my mouth becomes immediately dry and my lips are so dry that theyre sticking together, so I have to deal with that throughout the race, which the hardest part for me was the 2nd mile (Now I did my first mile in 5:40, and I knew I was in trouble by then, because varsity pace, which I have run earlier in the summer, was around 5:25-5:30 mile pace), now the 2nd mile was this long, sandy (if you ever tried running in sand, then switching randomly to pebbles...), unshaded trail that I had to run in 85* degree weather. I went so slow that my 2 mile was 6:20!

By then, I think I gave up mentally (And for running, its true that its 20% Physical and 80% Mental). All I kept thinking was Omg, Im so tired, why did I join this, Ill never be varsity material, boo-hoo... so I had 1 mile left, and I was just soo tired from all the heat. I was seriously ready to die.

Seriously, I ended up with an 18:40 3 mile time. I know, its good because I PR'd (Personal Record) by about 1 minute and 30 seconds. Im not gonna deny that its a good time...for a JV runner. For a varsity runner, thats terrible! I shouldve gotten 17 minutes or below! And ok Im gonna user fake names to hide my personal info:

So basically the list of fastest before today wouldve been, in mine and a lot of other peoples opinions: Tom A., two twins Harry and Larry T., a sophomore named Taylor T., Kevin N., ME, then perhaps there wouldve been a tie between George F. and Frank H.

But now, after todays race, both George and Frank beat me :( by a lot too I think almost a minute. And theres this other kid who moved here from Texas, called Mark M., and he, by time, beat me. But get this: There was this one part of the race where we had to go around, and Mark cuts through the whole thing and runs along this other path that takes him to yet another path, which leads to the finish line. He finished at 16:45, and its like wtf! Thats cheating! And when the other Juniors found out they were saying like "Good job", and the ONE comment that pissed me the eff off, was when Kevin said "Well just take off a minute from the part where you cut off and youre still top 7 time!" And im just there like ".__. are you effing for real you mother effer how the eff is that a minute theres no effing way he was effing behind me the whole time maybe he gained BY EFFING CHEATING 2 effing minutes maybe even 3 either effing way i still wouldve finished ahead of him you stupid effing ^#*$"

Anyway, heres my problem:

You know how my coach was looking at me to see if i would be varsity material? Well, he wasnt only looking at me, he was also looking at George, Frank, two other seniors named Thomas and Derrick, and maybe even Mark (I just counted him out because I KNOW IM FASTER THAN HIM). And there could be only 7 spots on varsity, so, to my knowledge, if he was going off of fastest times it would be Tom, Harry & Larry, Taylor, Kevin, Frank, then George.......but if he was SMART, he would replace me with George. Why?

Because unlike GEORGE, I show up to every practice, I just dont pick and choose which practices I go to, I dedicated and sacrificed a lot to make it to every practice, unlike him, who'd show up 2 or 3 days after being gone and say "Oh yeah Im lazy" or "I didnt feel like it"

(Im gonna go rage right here)

WELL GUESS WHAT GEORGE YOU'RE ON VARSITY NOW, DEAL WITH IT STOP BEING LAZY STEP THE EFF UP TO WHAT YOURE GOOD AT. OUR COACH LET YOU BE ON VARSITY FOR A REASON AND YOURE JUST GONNA BE THERE, AND NOT EVEN RUN WITH THE MAIN PACK? HOW DARE YOU I PERSONALLY KNOW AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE ON LOWER-LEVELS WHO WOULD DIE TO BE ON VARSITY, AND YOURE JUST GONNA GO OFF AND RUN WITH THOMAS AND DERRICK, WHO ARE ONLY SLOWING YOU DOWN BY RUNNING AT A SLOWER PACE AND SLOWER TIME? I CANT EVEN BELIEVE YOU HOW COULD YOU, THIS IS WHY I DESERVE TO BE ON VARSITY. I WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK THE TRIP ALL THE WAY 8 HOURS UP STATE TO TRAIN AT ELEVATION WITH THE VARSITY KIDS, I WAS THE ONE WHO DAVE NOTICED THAT WAS GETTING EXTREMELY FAST. AND YOURE JUST GONNA BE A LAZY MOTHERF***ER AND STEAL THAT MOMENT FROM ME? WITHOUT ME, DAVE WOULDVE NEVER TAKEN YOU, DERRICK, OR THOMAS BECAUSE WITHOUT ME, HE WOULDVE NEVER NOTICED THE POTENTIAL A LOT OF US JV RUNNERS HAVE. I SERIOUSLY HATE YOU.

(End rant)

Okay, sorry, Im just really emotional right now. If I never said this before, I want to be an olympian, and this summer I trained super hard and I hoped to be like Prefontaine and come into Junior year winning every meet. But with a performance like mine was today? Not a chance im even gonna be looked at for community college.

So yeah, of course Ive been crying my eyes out (dont worry, I walked off for about an hour to cry, instead of doing it in front of my teammates) for the past 6 hours. But I already settled on doing this: No matter what Im sticking with the top pack during our hard runs, just to show my coach how much I need the varsity spot, and hopefully I get to run varsity on saturday. If not, then Im just gonna completely destroy the JV Race, and maybe there he would see how much Im better than George.

I guess this is my worst day ever because of the whole Olympics thing. If I want to be an olympian, my 3 mile time has to be dropped by at least 5 1/2 minutes, but seriously my performance today... I know it was 85* Fahrenheit during my race but still, I still shoudlve been faster :( I feel like all those grueling miles and money I put into summer training so I could be on varsity have been wasted, all because of a sh!tty race and a lazy effing runner who- no I already ranted on him enough. I know its the first race and theres 6 left, Im still gonna be really sad unless I do better next week :P

Thanks for listening :)!

I know how annoying it must be to read my problems, but just this once could you actually read it and give me encouragement?

---I'll edit this again to post my times, and maybe see if Im overreacting or underreacting---