Talk:Snowclaw's Journey/@comment-5019333-20140817141642

This is looking good so far! I have a few suggestions though. "It is going to be Sunset" - in my opinion, Sunset shouldn't be capitalized. 'the black and white striped spat' - The black and white striped what? 'whilst licking her fur' - Whilst in this sentence means the black and white something is licking her fur, whereas in the story Snowclaw is licking her fur. Maybe the sentence could be, 'spat at Snowclaw. The white warrior was licking her fur rapidly.' 'Yes, don't you see' - I advise putting 'but don't you see' instead because Snowclaw is agreeing with Darkstripe about the sunset, not licking her pelt. 'but' separates the two subjects. 'cleaning' - maybe instead of using it twice, you could use grooming one of the times. "Come on, it sunhigh!" - I think you meant 'it's'. You also need a space in between the last two dialogue parts, but other than that, this is a good start! I can't wait to see how this adventure begins and ends!