Talk:Flameheart: Silent scream/@comment-25630395-20161121030501

hey

So, first off, I think this has potential- I know there's not much but I think you can make it really powerful and emotional. You have an interesting premise and characters.

Some suggestions.

Grammar- remember to capitalize your singular 'I's, and remember to place commas where they should be. Some of your sentences are run-ons because you don't have commas in the right place. It's also sometimes better to put emphasized words in italics instead of caps and/or bolded. For example, instead of LIKE THIS, you could do it      ''like this. ''I'm also not really a fan of placing song lyrics in the middle of the story, it kind of disrupts it- you could make the difference between the song and the story a little clearer.

We also got kind of thrown into action before we could get our footing. I'd suggest taking the time to build up action scenes and then going right into them.

Overall, promising start! I will read the rest <3