Talk:The Snowy Moon/@comment-28076378-20170303152133

Spoilers

Prologue:

To be honest I was a little confused on what was happening. Why was the Clan looking for a new camp? Were they chased out or something?

It also seemed a bit rushed, with everything that happened in it. Also, this isn't a big deal, but it would have made more sense for Rabbitstar to make his kits apprentices in the morning when everyone wasn't so tired. It also would have taken days to get the camp set up, so the apprentices would have most likely began their training after the camp was finished. But that's not a big deal, really.

I don't know how to feel about any of the characters yet, but I'm sure I'll devolop an opinion on them later on. I kinda like Falconpaw, he seems pretty nice.

There were a few errors that I can point out. '...Snapped Lightpaw's sibling, Nightpaw. Light[aw rolled..' '... Lightpaw whined, paws beatiing the...' '... the three apprentice looked around...' '..took a nice bit bite...'

There were also some letters that need to be in caps. A few times Rabbitstar has a lower case 'r' then there are a few 'i's, and the 'n' in Nightpaw somewhere in in lower case. You should also use more comas' then periods in some sentences.

End of Spoliers

Good job overall ^^

I've already read what you wrote in chapter one, but I'll leave another comment once you finish it.