Dovepaw's Deranged

Dovepaw (sitting in the apprentice den crouched over a pile of cookies): "Don't worry, my pretties, that mean old Jayfeather can't hurt you anymore.... now you are MINE!" (evil laugh)

(Jayfeather enters den)

Dovepaw (hiding cookies under Ivypaw's bedding): "Err-um- Jayfeather! Hi!"

Jayfeather(suspiciously): "Did I hear you talking to someone?"

Dovepaw (shaking head vigorously): "No, no, not at all! Not one tiny bit! I wasn't talking to anything- I mean anyone!"

Jayfeather: "Anything, you say?"

Dovepaw: "I meant anyone, anyone- yeah, that's it."

Jayfeather: "Good. Because that might sound like someone was hiding something. Something crumbly, with little choc chip cookies in it."

Dovepaw: "No, no, not at all! I would never steal your cookies."

Jayfeather: "Okay. But I guess I should probably break it to you- you're one of the three destined cats, and we're like, awesome and stuff."

Dovepaw: "Wait a second. I already know that. Dovepaw and Ivypaw asked Lionblaze in the play before this. And aren't you supposed to be dead?"

Jayfeather: "Whatevs. Dead, living, same thing. And it's Feathertail Millie's call, anyway. She wrote this play. She puts the words in our mouths."

Dovepaw: "WHAT? I'm a puppet? StarClan, you have some explaining to do!"

(Both go outside)

Dovepaw: "STARCLAN! Get your bu*** out here!"

(Hollyleaf and Feathertails' heads appear in the clouds.)

Hollyleaf: "I was catching up on my beauty sleep! Geez!"

Jayfeather: "Hollyleaf! You've turned into a-"

Both: "DIVA?"

Hollyleaf: "Yeah, like, what-ever."

Jayfeather: "OMG!"

Hollyleaf: "I've like, just been, y'know, chillin' with Feathertail here."

(points to Feathertail)

(Jayfeather and Dovepaw look at Feathertail accusingly)

Feathertail: "What? Why do you think Crowfeather fell for me? I had to have some make-up on- I mean, 24 jars of perfume isn't that O.T., right? Right?"

Dovepaw: "Enough of girly stuff. Anyway, Jayfeather here has just told me that there's someone CONTROLLING us. Is this true?"

Hollyleaf (sighing): "We were going to have to tell you. Say hi, Feathertail Millie!"

(looks up at cloud above them)

(Giant hand waves)

Feathertail Millie: "Hey guys! It's real nice to meet my characters."

Dovepaw: "Who cares. The point is, you're controlling us."

Feathertail Millie: "Sure am. I have to go- and by the way; Jayfeather- Dovepaw has your cookies."

Jayfeather: "WHAT?!!!!"

~Fin~