Talk:Danger Cries/@comment-25630395-20150421102716

( I apologize for not commenting on this sooner. For some reason, I got this confused with Dying Inside [I have honestly no idea how] and I commented on that so I thought I commented on this and I-nvm.)

So, to commence with the actual comment!

SPOILERS

At first, I didn't think it was an orginal idea. I thought it would be predictable, the typical rogue-kit-in-Clan story, but no. That ending though <3 I felt so bad that Shadowpaw was half-insane and killed his sister and father, then left in a heartbreaking end. Wonderful job!

And then there's the characters. I applaud you on Autumn, because I loved how she seemed so complex without ever have a POV. I totally shipped Shadow x Autumn (before I learnt they were siblings, of course xd). And honestly, I think Snowflake's reaction to Shadow was justifiable as a cat, because cats don't hold so many complex emotions.

I think the romance between Shadowpaw and Rainpaw could have been developed more, or introduced earlier. It seemed kind of sudden, almost random. That was why in the ending, when Rainpaw was dying, I was like 'oh this is sad', but not 'omg I'm gonna start bawling' sad. But still, Rainpaw D:

And, I notice that some transitions between scenes were really sudden, like when Shadowpaw was talking to Oakstar (??) and then suddenly training with Brambleflare. I also believe that showing Shadowpaw as a kit before his apprentice ceremony would have helped develop his relationship with his family and siblings more, to furthur emphasize on the hurt he felt when Thornpelt tells him the truth.

As for grammar, I noticed a few dialogue error, but they didn't impede on the understanding of the story.

Great job once again, Firey!

END OF SPOILERS