I, Murderer

Season 2, Episode 1 of Two Sided She-Cat

Dedicated to Red, who created WFW 1 and helped inspire me with Sunheart's character



Regret At It's Finest
My head spins before me. My vision is blurry. But the stench of blood tells me that I'm not dreaming. This is real. And I cry. Minnowleap is gone. The one tom I loved. Gone from me. My whole life is gone. I lost Morningleap when I was just an apprentice, my father already dead. Goldenflight had gone mad, drawn in by something I never saw. Killed herself in rage. Hailstar, my mentor. A victim of Darkshadow's murderous ways. Ashpaw, my brave apprentice. She was too young. Now, it's Minnowleap's bloodied body that snaps me back to the present. He's gone. And I let out a remorseful yowl of pain. ''Why did I stay? I should have run. Run away. He'd be here now. Minnowleap would be safe. Why am I such a stupid she-cat?!?!'' I collapse. Curling up to what little warmth is left in Minnowleap's body, a piece of me dies.

Yellowpelt shakes me awake. She's seen what happened. "Sunheart, how is he dead?" She mews. "Do you now?" I do know. But I can't say. It would only make everything worse. Instead, I mew, "Does it look like I know who did it?!?! If I did, they would be dead now too!" I shriek. She steps back. "S-sorry. I told Poppystar. She wants to see you." I nod and leave the den. ''Poppystar will know it's Darkshadow. She'll know how dangerous I am! She'll exile me. I just hope that's enough.'' I climb up the rocky ledge and mew, "Poppystar?" Her raspy voice mutters a reply. I come in, and am shocked. The once strong Poppystar looked weak, defeated. Like an elder who lived through a hundred battles. "Sunheart…" She mews weakly. "Yellowpelt told me that Minnowleap is dead." I nod. "It was Darkshadow, wasn't it?" I nod again, incapable of speaking. She sighs and stretches her legs. "Well then. We are certainly in a pickle. As long as Darkshadow is a part of you, there is nothing we can do, without harming you." I nod. "But we can't separate. We are one being, trapped together." Poppystar shakes her head. "Perhaps. Maybe you need to talk to Twigclaw." What? I dip my head respectfully. Poppystar smiles. "I have faith in you. Go rest in your den. I'll have Fuzzyclaw take care of today's patrols." I back out of the den. But instead of sleeping, I take a walk. To the border. The gorge. It's the FrozenClan border, and it works fine. It will be perfect for what I'm about to do. I bend my legs and jump. I expect to fall. To hit the rocks at the bottom, and have it be over. Then I could join Minnowleap, and Darkshadow would be gone. But I don't fall. My necks hurts. That's when I realize that something has grabbed hold of me. I struggle, but the shape in strong. It drags me back onto the ledge. I roll over, and see, to my dismay that it's Pebbleheart. "What in the name of StarClan are you doing?!" He belts. I wince. I had no idea that his voice could get so loud. I mew pitifully, "I was trying to die." Pebbleheart gasps. "But why?" I turn away. "Minnowleap is gone. I have nothing left to live for. I just want to end this. It will be best for everyone." "No." He rasps. "Not for me. I love you. I know I was never more than a friend, but this is how I feel." My heart thumps faster. ''It can't be! But I love Minnowleap. Pebbleheart is a good cat, but he's only a den-mate. Nothing more.'' He leans over my strained body and mews, "Come with me." I listen, but barely. I'm thinking of a way to die without him finding me. I won't let this stop me.

Day after day he find and foils my plots. I know he's following me, but I can't give up. I must get rid of this.. On the plus side, Darkshadow is staying off the radar. Unless she's killing cats from other clans, It's as if she's gone. But I know that's not true. She'll always come back.

Finally I give up. Minnowleap is gone. Pebbleheart can have his way. But I will not enjoy this at all. I will lose m mind. I tell him so. He's relieved. Sort of. He'll try to make me stay. But I can't listen to that. Darkshadow has killed every cat I've every cared about. Now, I want it to end. I tell Pebbleheart my story. He's shocked, but he understands. I feel safe talking to him. Like I did with Minnowleap. Before his untimely death. Pebbleheart rises me from my depression. I am at peace. He takes me to see Twigclaw. This is when I cry. "Sunheart, you have to stop squirming!" He meows angrily. I stop moving. "Sorry Twigclaw." He sighs. "She'll be fine Pebbleheart." He mews at last. "Just don't let her jump off any more cliffs." Pebbleheart laughs, and we walk. I feel brave, strong and free. But free is a word that I'm never going to be.