All in Pieces

ALL IN PIECES (coding to come later)

inspired by "we are okay" by nina lacour

a story by sea

dedicated to storm <3

ONE
Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore. My thoughts and personalities contradict each other. Am I Shadowsong, senior warrior and odd one out in the Clan? Or am I Nebula, the kit born in the wild, the kit who was free, and always the loud and cheerful, and daring one?

Sometimes I'm dark, sometimes I'm light. Sometimes they mix and create a blinding light. Sometimes they obliterate each other, leaving only the aching sense of loneliness.

I am alone. Even though I'm surrounded by so many others, I'm still alone.

The clearing is dark, the leaves rustling softly in the wind. It's a bit humid outside, though it doesn't bother me.

Nothing really does, these days.

Silverpelt glimmers above me, our ancestors little specks of light in the dark. I know that Shadow and Luna are up there - how many moons has it been since they died? Too many to count.

The moon, lighting up silverpelt, shines down on me, giving my calico fur a slight silvery glow. I bask in it - some days, it feels like it's the last day I'm going to be alive, the last day I'll be around these cats, and under this moon, and-

I'm getting ahead of myself. Nothing has been done yet. Not yet...

I don't know who I am. I don't know who I'm supposed to be. Every car expects a certain image from you, every cat expects you to be able to be just like them. Well I'm not. I'm not. I'm not like them; I'll never be like them. I'm not normal. And I will never be normal.

With a sigh, I get up from my crouch. The long grass tickles my paws, as I walk towards the den. Just as I'm about to step in, I stop abruptly.

What will happen if I leave? What will happen if I cease to exist here, in my fake home, with my fake name and persona? It's not like anyone would care anyway. It's been moons since I've considered myself a loner. I still don't matter to anyone.

I look back at the clearing; even from here, I can see the tiny flowers growing near the Leader's Den. I can see beyond - into the trees, into the shadows, into the darkness of beyond.

I could leave. I could do it - I really really could.

But I can't. I just can't.

I pad into the den and curl up into my nest. Sleep takes me fast, and for once in a long time, I feel peaceful.