Talk:Snowblossom's Love/@comment-26432133-20161208234613

Hey, Blackie! Or do I call you Whitie? Or Swans? Or Swan? Or Blackswan? Or Whiteswan?

For now, I will refer to you as Blackie. Anyways, this story has an interesting idea. But I do have a problem with the names. Vanillatwilight is long and Sue-esque. Cats don't know what vanilla is, and they most definitely don't know what a siren is (Sirenbeauty). Also, just because a cat's beautiful doesn't mean they're named "beauty". Dappletail is mentioned to have once been beautiful, but she isn't called Dapplebeauty.

I'd suggest you change Vanillatwilight and Sirenbeauty's names, and do some editing on the prologue. Simple things like grammar ("Vanillatwilight screamed in angry for her love, she stuck her face into Sirenbeauty's warm fur and cried.") You describe Vanillatwilight and Sirenbeauty as beautiful and the reader ends up asking themselves, "Am I supposed to think they're beautiful? How does this affect the plot?"

I don't think a mother would call their kit Dazzlingkit. Naming your kit is a huge decision, and I'm sure Rosethorn would be worried about how stuck-up she'd seem naming her kit "Dazzlingkit."

This story has great potential and so do you. I hope that by leaving this comment it'll help you grow as a writer and leave an epic story on this wiki. :)